♪♪
Subtitles by explosiveskull
DOG: Hello there. How are you?
Yes, I'm talking to you.
What's the matter?
Never saw a dog talk before?
Well, I'm no ordinary dog.
My name is...
[ZAPPING]
Not again. Oh, guys.
[EXPLODING]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
I suppose this means we can't replicate the technology.
Therefore we must find the original.
I guess I have to do everything myself.
Hi, I'm looking for the owner of a dog named A.R.C.H.I.E.
♪♪
[HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪♪
♪ Eyes ♪
♪ Can look in the dark and see something there ♪
♪ Eyes ♪
♪ Imagine the touch and feel what's inside ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ Got some kinda hold on me ♪
♪ I can't move ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ Can tell that I'm wanting you ♪
♪ It's in my eyes ♪
We're at Angels 10,
and our ETA will be in exactly niner minutes.
I didn't understand a single thing you said.
Gotta learn the lingo.
Soon you're going to be a pilot too.
Not that soon. I've only logged seven hours.
You did a decent job taking off.
Taking off isn't much good if you don't know how to land.
Which I don't.
I still can't believe you have a plane.
Yeah. It belonged to my father.
I figured it was time I learn how to fly it.
Flying is a piece of cake.
Easy peasy summer breezy.
A.R.C.H.I.E.: Whoo!
PAUL: Stop that.
You're going to make me airsick.
You can't resist an opportunity to show off, can you?
I gotta be me.
Well, can you be you when we're safely on the ground?
I can't have anything jeopardize this trip.
Hopefully soon I'm going to be living my dream.
Right. Joining the circus.
I'm still really impressed you're going through with it, Sydney.
When I heard my favorite carnival
was passing through this town
I figured this was my big chance.
I just hope we don't die before we get there.
A.R.C.H.I.E.: Hang on.
Please don't do that.
I'm really glad you're here, Bogart.
But you shouldn't stay just for me.
I wouldn't be a very good friend if I expected that.
You should go live in the wild like a normal bird.
He still won't go?
No.
Don't worry.
He will when he's ready.
Are you sure you're going to be okay with this, Dad?
Having an animal as part of the carnival
would be an added attraction.
And we could definitely use the money.
Well, we could.
But remember your good idea?
We're not a circus that forces animals to work.
Yeah, I know.
Don't worry about the money.
We'll figure something out.
Are you sure you're going to be okay letting Bogart go?
I'll be sad.
But I'll also be happy because he'll be free.
Can you be happy and sad at the same time?
Absolutely.
That's part of life.
It's better than being just sad, I guess.
Come here.
PAUL: Guys, it's going to be a great week at the cottage.
A.R.C.H.I.E.: I only wish Sally could've been here to see this.
I'm sorry again about your breakup with Sally, A.R.C.H.I.E.
A.R.C.H.I.E.: I've loved and I've lost, Paul.
But in the end, I guess I was too...
different.
But even the best of us get dumped.
You should know that better than anyone else.
I didn't get dumped.
Brooke just got a very big job offer
on the other side of the world that she couldn't turn down.
And she didn't invite you to go with her.
And she's probably never coming back.
A.R.C.H.I.E.: Sounds like dumped to me.
Thanks, guys.
[PAUL SIGHS]
Between breaking up with Sally
and then Isabel going away to school
you must be pretty lonely these days.
Sometimes you gotta say goodbye to your friends.
Whether you like it or not.
Ow.
[STRUMMING SADLY]
[POPPING]
MAX: Company meeting, everyone!
Please take your seats.
Well, folks,
once again our family carnival is one the verge of bankruptcy.
Yeah!
What, is that bad?
Yes.
Oh.
It seems...
nobody wants to go to the carnival anymore.
All people want to do is play games on their phones.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
I don't understand. We've had some decent turnouts lately.
Not decent enough, Joko.
You know, you could just call me Randy.
You know how I feel about calling you Randy.
I don't call you Randy anymore.
Okay.
It brings me great sadness
to say that we barely have enough money to stay afloat.
Well, maybe that's because we have mismanaged finances, Max.
I'm sorry, guys,
but how much are we spending to feed Boogie the bird out there?
That's not his name.
It's Bogart.
Oh, what'd I say?
You said 'Boogie' like you always do.
Sorry, pal.
It's Bo-gart.
Bogart, I'm sorry. It won't happen again, okay?
Anyway, if Boogie wants to be part of this troupe
he's gotta start contributing.
He doesn't perform.
Like, does nothing.
I'm sorry, but the bird is bad.
He literally doesn't do anything.
He won't lift a finger to help out in any way.
SQUIRT: Birds don't have fingers.
They have claws.
[HISSING]
MAX: Okay, that's enough.
This has nothing to do with Bogart.
It has everything to do with ticket sales.
In fact, if...
we don't have an extremely successful week
these could be our last shows before we have to close forever.
Close down the carnival?
But this is our whole life.
This is what we live for!
What are we supposed to do?
The only thing we can do.
We have to try our hardest,
give our all,
and have the best turnout we've ever had.
And in order to do that we need to do something special.
Something that will take people's breath away
leaving them awestruck
having witnessed something so magnificent and spectacular
that will make the unwashed masses
toss aside their electronic devices
and flock to our glorious ta-da!
[FLATULENCE SOUND]
Okay, who... Who was that?
I tooted.
You should see my mason jar collection of toots.
I organize them by size and color.
Okay, that's...
that's odd.
It's natural, we all do it.
You do it.
- I've heard her. - I don't.
SQUIRT: They smell like apple pie.
That makes very little sense.
Max, I don't.
Everyone...
try your hardest.
Joko: That does not smell good.
Sydney: Hey.
What are you doing?
Um, nothing.
Dinner's ready.
Mmm. Smells like victory in here.
What's for dinner?
Pancakes.
Sydney, can you make something more dinnery?
I'm a sucker for tacos, doesn't even have to be Tuesday.
It is Tuesday.
Even better! Can we have tacos?
No.
How about lasagna? I love lasagna.
No.
- Sloppy joes? - No.
- Baba ghanoush? - No.
Look, tomorrow is my audition for the carnival.
The night before a big day I always have breakfast for dinner
it's my favorite.
What do you have for breakfast, shepherd's pie?
Sometimes.
Sydney, are you sure you want to do this?
I mean, you quit your job and you packed up your whole life.
I've never been more sure of anything.
It's my life-long dream.
A.R.C.H.I.E.: Why the circus?
Ever since I was young I've always felt out of place.
Like I didn't belong.
Never once have I felt part of the cool group.
Amongst a bunch of outcasts in a circus
I think I'll finally be accepted.
I'll feel normal.
Speaking of normal, you know the rules.
I know, I know.
I can't tell anyone about A.R.C.H.I.E.'s special talents.
Remember how freaked out you were when we told you?
[SCREAMING]
A.R.C.H.I.E.: I'm a cybernetic organism.
[DISTORTED VOICE] I'm a cybernetic organism.
[EVEN SLOWER] I'm a cybernetic organism.
Yeah, it took me a minute or two to get used to the idea.
Look, I wouldn't think of telling anyone.
I don't know why you wouldn't want people to know.
If I had his talents
I'd be bragging about it left, right and center.
What I wouldn't give to be normal.
Oh, trust me, it's overrated.
So, what are you going to do for your audition?
I don't exactly know.
If it's human contortionist, you're a shoe-in.
[FORCIBLY LAUGHING]
I take it back, not all your talents are great.
[LAUGHING]
I'm going to get you!
Hey!
[LAUGHING]
I've been looking everywhere for you two clowns.
Oh, we're not clowns!
I know.
Seriously, we're not clowns.
I understand.
I need you to finish setting up.
We're on our break though.
Yeah! As per our carny union rules
we get a 20 minute break every 10 minutes.
I wish you never joined that union.
Also you're supposed to provide us with a hot snack.
And I do not eat gluten.
I eat nothing but gluten!
I can see that, the whole world can see that.
[LAUGHING]
Verne, you're not supposed to be playing with the equipment.
We're not playing with it, boss.
I'm testing to make sure it works.
Yup, it works!
[LAUGHING]
What's wrong with you?
[LAUGHING]
[MUTTERING GIBBERISH]
[MEOWING]
[MUTTERING GIBBERISH]
You know, I don't think you need to be so nervous.
Yeah, this is not exactly Julliard.
Yes, it is.
It's my Julliard.
Are you Sydney?
My name's Gregory.
Come on in.
It's magic time.
Sydney: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[CRASHING]
[LAUGHING]
SYDNEY: Oh! Look out below!
[SCREAMS]
[CRASHING]
I can't watch this.
A.R.C.H.I.E: We should go, we're probably making him more nervous.
[EXPLODING]
Sydney: Somebody put me out! Somebody put me out!
[STRAINING]
I can fix this.
It...
[GRUNTING]
Just don't worry about it.
Well, Sydney, you...
You really threw yourself into this.
Literally.
It's my life-long dream to be a part of your carnival.
I really just wanted to give it everything I had.
Sydney, uh...
The unfortunate thing is to join our troupe...
you must bring something very special.
Something truly unique.
And...
I'm sorry.
Oh.
I understand.
Being special and unique - never really been my strong suits.
Story of my life.
Well, thank you for your time, gentlemen.
We're very sorry.
Thank you.
Thank you. Excuse me.
I guess I need a new one of these.
[SOBBING]
Sydney, wait!
You said that joining the carnival is your life-long dream?
It was.
But I may as well give up on that dream
now that I failed at it.
You can't give up that easily.
But you heard your dad.
What could I possibly do that would be unique and special?
Joko: Okay, that's it.
That's it. I am at the end of my rope with your dumb bird.
You got a rope?
Why can't I have a rope?
Do you even know what this is?
Huh?
Do you know what that is?
It's bird poop.
It's bird poop!
Not only does that lazy bird not do anything
but he craps all over me!
I'm telling you this carnival is in need of some animals
with some real talent!
Some real talent!
It's all I'm asking, buddy.
Just a little talent!
[LAUGHING]
Talent!
[LAUGHING]
Animals with real talent.
Do you think you could convince you dad
to give me another audition?
Consider it done.
Yes!
Oh! [LAUGHING]
Yes! [LAUGHING]
Paul: Man, it sure is beautiful.
Would be nice to have Isabel here too.
Yeah.
Hey.
You okay?
Do you ever wish you were normal?
I think I'm pretty normal.
Kinda.
No, I mean normal like with a normal family and stuff.
Oh, you mean like wife, kids,
white picket fence and a dog?
A regular dog?
Yeah, I guess.
But we've got a pretty great family.
It's unconventional but it works for me.
Lately I've been wishing I could be an ordinary dog.
Do ordinary dog things.
Like catch a frisbee or pee on a fire hydrant.
Sniff another dog's butt.
[LAUGHING]
Really?
Well, maybe not the sniffing the other dog's butt part.
I'm sure you could do all those things if you really wanted to.
Yeah, but sometimes I wish it was all I wanted to do.
I don't know, A.R.C.H.I.E.
You got something special.
That's the thing,
sometimes being special isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Yeah, I understand how you feel.
But sometimes
you just gotta accept things for the way they are.
[WOMAN SOBBING]
PAUL: Uh, Miss?
Excuse me.
Are you all right?
Oh, gosh.
I'm so embarrassed.
I thought I was alone.
Is everything okay?
Yes.
No.
[SOBBING]
You're, uh,
you're a member of that carnival that's in town, right?
Yes.
I'm Laura.
The man who runs the carnival, Maximillian Zon,
he's a monster.
He's forcing me to work at his piddly little carnival
against my will.
How can he do that?
Max used to run a much larger circus with my father.
But at the height of its success he stole all the money
and then turned around and blamed my dad.
The police believed Max and threw my dad in jail.
That's awful.
The worst part is Max told me
that I must work for him in order to pay off the debt.
Well... can't you just run away?
It's not that simple.
We're in the middle of nowhere.
Where could I go?
Well, we have a plane, I'm sure we could fly you somewhere.
You're a pilot?
Well, I'm more of a co-pilot.
It's kinda complicated.
I have to get to rehearsal.
Max will go on a tirade if I'm late.
Thank you for listening.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have dumped all this on you.
I just don't have anybody to talk to.
Dinner is served.
I have made tacos, lasagna,
a side of sloppy joes,
and some delicious baba ghanoush for dessert.
You made all this for me?
You betcha.
What do you want, Sydney?
Whatever do you mean?
You know what I mean, Mr. Flapjacks-for-dinner.
[SCOFFING]
[STAMMERING]
Are you...
suggesting I want something from you?
Just because I slaved over a hot stove
making my favorite four-legged friend his favorite dinners?
That's downright insulting.
Okay... my apologies.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
How was the feedback on the audition?
Ooh, it was good.
Really good.
Very positive feedback.
Oh, it was terrible.
Abysmal.
I need your help.
Here we go.
I totally botched the audition.
But they said that I could come back and re-audition tomorrow.
I just gotta come up with something special.
And where do I come in?
You could be that something special.
Me?
Just think of it!
You know, I could be the ventriloquist
and could be my dummy.
I'm sorry, dummy?
I'm nobody's dummy.
Yeah, you know, dummy, poor choice of words.
Absolutely right.
I just meant that you could be my little puppet.
Well, that sounded even worse.
Sydney, you know the rule.
Nobody can find out about me and my special talents.
And they wouldn't. Nobody would know. That's the genius of it.
They would just think that I was the greatest ventrilo...
Okay, that we were the greatest ventriloquist act ever.
It's too risky.
Look, this would make me a shoe-in for the carnival.
Have I mentioned that it's my life-long dream?
You wouldn't want to stand in the way
of a guy fulfilling his life-long dream, would you?
You know I'd do anything to help you, Sydney.
But I just don't think it's a good idea.
I disagree.
I think it's a great idea.
Both: Oh, no.
I'm so sorry.
I hope you don't think that I was spying on you.
I just came by to thank Paul for being so kind to me.
A talking dog.
Incredible.
How is this possible?
Oh, don't worry, you can trust me.
I think we can trust Miss Lake.
She is a star on the carnival circuit.
I'm a cybernetic organism.
A robot?
Yeah, something like that.
Oh, how wonderful.
For what it's worth, I think Sydney is totally right.
Having you at the carnival would be a huge attraction.
For starters it could mean a ton in ticket sales.
But wouldn't that kind of be like a lie?
A very entertaining lie.
As all good art is.
And, don't worry, I would make sure that your secret was safe
from the rest of the carnival troupe.
Well, I suppose if we were really...
absolutely, positively, definitely careful
I guess it could work.
Yes! [LAUGHING]
Oh, happy day! Happy day!
Hey look at me wagging my tail for you, A.R.C.H.I.E.
[LAUGHING]
[SNORING]
Hello, everyone, my name is Sydney.
And this is A.R.C.H.I.E.
Say hello, A.R.C.H.I.E.
Come on, A.R.C.H.I.E., don't be rude. Say hello.
Come on, you silly mutt, speak.
Silly mutt?
You the one wearing the ridiculous tie.
But, A.R.C.H.I.E., you're wearing a tie too.
Yeah, but it's not so ridiculous on me.
And it brings out my eyes.
[LAUGHING]
That's funny.
A.R.C.H.I.E., you sure are a comedian.
In fact, let's do a few jokes. Shall we?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who.
I didn't know you could yodel.
♪ Little old lady who ♪
Here's another one for you.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
I don't know.
Yes, you do.
To prove he wasn't chicken.
[LAUGHING]
Man, this is a really bad idea. I shouldn't be here.
No, no, no, A.R.C.H.I.E.
[SIGHING]
[APPLAUDING]
MAX: Bravo.
Bra-vo.
Bravo!
Ha ha!
That was incredible.
Sydney: T-thank you.
MAX: How did you do that?
Uh, well I had years of ventriloquism training.
I went to the Royal Academy of Ventriloquism Arts
in Britain, England.
RAVABE.
Well, sir, you are spectacular.
And I'm proud to announce that
you are officially the newest member of our carnival troupe!
Welcome aboard!
[LAUGHING]
Okay. All right, you're sweaty.
Oh, you're sweaty.
Whoo.
Dad, the numbers just don't add up.
I know.
We really do need to make some money.
No, I mean you have been making some money.
The ticket sales haven't been great,
but they've been better than you realize.
What are you saying,
that we should have more money than we do?
According to the records, yes.
How can that be?
Someone must be stealing from you.
That's impossible.
Is it?
It-it doesn't matter.
Sydney and his talking dog will save everything.
Hopefully we'll make enough money and right the ship.
And if we do, we should put it in the bank right away.
It's not safe having all this cash around.
No.
No banks.
That's what got us into trouble in the first place.
Right now the best thing we can do
is operate as a cash-only business.
I'll trust you to keep it safe right?
Why is this carnival so important to you?
It's my legacy.
Again, it's about you.
That shouldn't surprise me.
No, son, my legacy isn't about me, it's about you.
Have you ever considered that I might not want this?
All I want is a normal life.
Like other kids.
MAN ON CASSETTE: Dealing with your breakup, chapter three.
Loving yourself.
To be worthy of love from your potential partner
you must first be worthy of love from yourself.
I want you to wake up every morning and say,
"I am lovable. I am loveable."
"I am loveable."
Say what now?
Hi.
Are you part of the carnival?
Yeah, it's my dad's.
Cool. I'm Emma.
I live here in town.
I can't wait to see the show.
Nothing very exciting usually happens around here.
Is that your pet bird?
He's not a pet really.
His name's Bogart.
He's my friend.
My only friend.
Why do you say that?
It gets pretty lonely around here.
Travelling with my dad for the summer.
I know how you feel.
I get pretty lonely too.
What's that?
Oh, it's a crossword puzzle.
It's a hobby of mine.
Do you need any help?
Oh, uh, no thanks.
No problem.
See you around.
Bye, Bogart.
I going out for a bit, Paul, see you when I get back.
Wow, you scared the crap out of me.
What are you, a ninja?
I have my ways.
So, where are you off to?
Uh, the circus, I'm going to the circus.
And where is Sydney?
Well, he's-he's-he's there already.
He's waiting for me actually.
I'm late, I should go.
I suppose you two are getting ready for your big performance.
Performance? What performance?
Sensational Sydney and his talking dog.
Have you two completely lost your minds?
Why would you do something like this?
I did it to help Sydney.
I know it sounds crazy
but we have a plan and we think it's going to work.
You think it's going to work?!
Enjoy the show.
How's the crossword coming along?
Kinda stumped actually.
What's the clue?
Maybe I can help.
An 11 letter word for a roguish, dishonest person.
Hm.
That is a tough one.
Hey, Greg. Ooh, sorry.
Didn't mean to interrupt.
- It's Gregory. - It's what?
My name. It's Gregory.
It's Gregory. No, no, yeah, I know what your name is.
It's Gregory, come on. Sure.
How are the ticket sales coming?
Pretty good.
Why are you interested?
I'm just curious about our ticket sales.
I want us to succeed, be a big successful company.
- Oh, yeah. - Carnival.
Pretty good is good, right?
Yeah.
All right. That's good news.
Okay. Well, I better get in there.
Big night of performing.
So, I'll let you two lovebirds
continue on whatever you're doing.
See you later.
[DRUMROLL]
Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen,
dukes and duchesses,
monsieurs and mademoiselles,
I, Maximillian Zon,
nobly welcome you to the most wondrous show
with the most magnificent performers
in the history of humankind!
History of humankind.
- Pfft, that's a stretch. - Shh.
Tonight, you will see feats so spectacular...
They're going to see our feets?
I should've bit my toenails off.
Why-why would you do that?
Why wouldn't I?
So, hang on to your hats,
hold your breath
and prepare yourself for the ride of a lifetime.
Without further ado, I bring you the one,
- the only... - [MOUTHING WORDS]
- the magical... - [MOUTHING WORDS]
marvelous carnival!
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
Okay, you ready for this?
- Yeah, I'm ready. - Let's go get 'em.
- Let's go. - Let's go get 'em.
Let's go.
Ow.
Welcome to my nightmare, your table is ready.
It's magic time.
Oh, boy.
[CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTING]
[OFF-KEY STRUMMING]
[SIGHING] These people wouldn't know art
if it barfed in their shoe.
[APPLAUDING]
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the performance you've all been waiting for.
Please give a warm welcome to Sensational Sydney
and his talking dog!
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
Say hello, A.R.C.H.I.E.
[CHUCKLING]
[CLEARING THROAT]
I said, say hello, A.R.C.H.I.E.
Hello, A.R.C.H.I.E.
Now, why don't you show this lovely audience
just how smart you are and tell everyone
what your favorite letter of the alphabet is.
- Y. - Why?
Because I told you.
No, Y.
Just do it for me.
- You? - U is your favorite letter?
A.R.C.H.I.E: No, Y.
SYDNEY: [CHUCKLING] Okay.
If you don't want to tell me then we'll try something else.
Uh, why don't you try and guess what my favorite letter is?
You want me to try to guess your favorite letter?
- Yes. - I see.
- That's two letters. - What?
"I" "C" are two letters. Just pick one.
Okay.
That's another two letters.
What?
No, I meant okay, you see.
Now, that's four letters.
I don't think you understand this game.
I meant "okay."
I heard you the first time.
I don't know why you're getting so upset.
Gee!
It's not G.
A?
It said, "It's not G."
- A! - I said it's not G!
Are you deaf?
No, I'm not deaf. Are you?
How many times do I have to tell you
you could only choose one letter at a time?
A.R.C.H.I.E: I am, are you?
Forget it.
Okay, let's go back to you.
What's your favorite letter?
Y.
[CHEERING]
I gotta admit, they're really good.
How you doing?
Great show, isn't it?
Popcorn?
No thanks.
Hm.
Well, it does take years and years of practice
to acquire the elite set of ventriloquism skills
that I possess.
But I don't want to talk about me,
that's a pretty boring subject.
I just want to thank you guys so much for coming...
[CHUCKLING]
Can you believe this, Squirt?
We have been working this carnival for years
and this clown shows up and steals all our glory.
[LAUGHING]
And tonight after the show he'll be signing paw-tographs,
so don't...
He's not a clown, you're the clown!
Yes, no, I know I'm a clown.
I'm just talking about other clowns.
Bad clowns, okay?
Oh.
There are bad clowns?
Oh, that's going to give me nightmares.
I'm scared of clowns.
Yeah, okay. Come here.
Hey, you can help us settle an argument.
How many people here like breakfast for dinner?
That's it! Oh!
This isn't a carnival, this is an insane asylum.
Hello there.
Lara? Hi.
Great performance tonight.
Why, thank you.
I think Sydney stole the show.
Oh, that's a fabulous act, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
I just hope it doesn't go to their heads.
Their heads?
His head.
Sydney's head, of course.
That's what I meant.
So, uh, when do I get to see this plane of yours?
Oh, well, it's really nothing special.
I'd still love to see it.
Sure. Sure.
- Uh, anytime you like. - Yeah?
Maybe I'll even convince you to take me for a ride.
Well, I'm really not much of a pilot.
Oh, modest and cute. Form an orderly queue, ladies.
[CHUCKLING]
Gosh, that Sydney though,
he is such an incredible ventriloquist.
So convincing.
You'd almost think that dog was talking all by himself.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah, yeah right. Wouldn't you?
Totally. But, uh, I mean that's impossible.
Because, because dog's, dog's don't talk.
I mean, they talk, they talk dog language
but they don't talk human. No.
Not at all, never.
No, that's all Sydney.
'Cause he is an incredible ventriloquist.
Just absolutely really, really good.
Yeah.
A talking dog.
Now I've heard everything.
[LAUGHING]
Girls and boys, ladies and gentlemen...
♪♪
- SYDNEY: Knock, knock. - A.R.C.H.I.E: Who's there?
- Edge. - Edge who?
Gesundheit!
[LAUGHING]
A.R.C.H.I.E: Little old lady, who?
SYDNEY: I didn't know you could yodel!
♪ Little old lady who ♪
[CHEERING]
Dukes and duchesses, monsieurs and mademoiselles.
[LAUGHING]
Say, what do you call an alligator in a vest?
A.R.C.H.I.E: I give up.
An investigator.
[LAUGHING]
[CHEERING]
MAX: I nobly welcome you to the most wondrous show
with the most magnificent performers
in the history of humankind!
[CHEERING]
SYDNEY: Shandy, here you go, Shandy.
Next, who do I make it out to?
GIRL: Zimma! Zimma!
SYDNEY: Did you have fun tonight? That's great to hear.
And what's your favorite part, Zimma?
That's good to hear. Thanks so much for coming.
Who do I make it out to?
PAUL: Paul.
P-A-L-L? There you are my...
Paul.
Hey.
It's great to see you.
I thought you weren't going to let this go to your head, Sydney.
I'm... I'm not.
I swear.
"Pall, keep calm and be like me."
"YOLO, Sydney."
YOLO?
I know how this all looks.
Do you?
Because how it looks
is that you put A.R.C.H.I.E. at risk
for something that you want.
I know you're not that kind of guy.
But that's how it looks.
I'm sorry, Paul. Look.
Tomorrow it's our last performance.
Well, A.R.C.H.I.E.'s anyway.
And then everything goes back to normal, I promise.
I hope so.
Uh, hi.
How are you?
Good, yourself?
Good. Did you have fun tonight?
Oh, yeah. I had a great time.
- Great show. - Thanks for coming.
I really appreciate it.
I can't do this.
I look like a complete idiot out there.
Don't worry, you don't look like a complete idiot.
At least not as much as Sydney.
Your secret's safe with me.
Joko: I'm just saying, I don't think we're getting paid enough
is what I'm saying.
I mean, who are the people coming to see, right?
Who are the people coming to see?
Who are the...
They're coming to see us, Squirt, they're coming to see us.
Right? They're not coming to see Max.
Right? 'Cause we're the performers.
But yet Max is making all the money, right?
Think about it. Five shows sold out in a row.
Think about all that money.
I'm not good at math.
Don't even get me started on Mr. Bigshot Ventriloquist
and the dog.
I mean, they're good. I've seen good. I know good.
[LAUGHING]
There he is! The snitch! The rat!
The turncoat!
What are you going to go tell your dad what I said?
Compared with the likes of you?
A rat is a far superior species.
What you going to say now?
[LAUGHING]
You got done by a kid!
[LAUGHING]
Oh, my belly button hurts!
[LAUGHING]
I'm fine.
Come on, Bogart.
It's time for you to go live where you belong.
A.R.C.H.I.E: Hey.
How'd you know about me?
I saw this on the internet a while ago.
I figured you were the same dog.
Besides, nobody's that good of a ventriloquist.
I promise I won't tell anyone.
Thanks.
Nice to meet you, A.R.C.H.I.E.
You too, Gregory.
Still no luck with Bogart, huh?
No matter how much I try to tell him that he needs to be free
he just doesn't understand.
He doesn't speak human.
I don't speak bird.
If you could speak to Bogart so he could understand you
what would you say?
I'd tell him that he's a great friend.
My only friend.
And because of that I want him to stay.
But that's not what's best for him.
[CHIRPING]
[BOGART CHIRPING]
Bogart was always there when I needed a friend.
It'll be extra hard being here now that he's gone.
If it's any consolation, I'll be your friend.
If you need one.
Likewise.
It must be pretty cool
being able to do all the stuff you can do.
It has its moments.
But lately I've been wishing I could just be normal.
I know what you mean.
I guess there's not really much you can do about it, can you?
Actually, there is.
I found a delete button.
A delete button?
In my hard drive.
It would erase all my extra canine abilities
and make me a regular dog.
Are you going to use it?
I don't know.
Anyway.
Thank you for doing that.
I'm just happy I could help you.
What did he say?
Bogart? When he responded to you.
He said you're his best friend.
And you'll always be in his heart.
[CHIRPING IN DISTANCE]
I have given specific instructions
not to be interrupted before my performances.
I need my beauty sleep.
Sydney, we have to talk.
About?
About what you're going to do after tonight's performance.
I told you, I'm retiring from the circus life.
How you going to continue on with the carnival?
You think I need you in order to be successful?
I'll go solo.
You can't be a solo ventriloquist.
Can't I?
I'll buy a sock puppet then.
It doesn't eat, it doesn't poop,
and it doesn't have an ego.
That won't work.
Won't it?
Watch me.
How's it going?
We're already sold out.
This A.R.C.H.I.E. is quite a draw.
- Yeah. - Hey.
I heard about Joko said about your dad.
It's awful.
He doesn't seem very trustworthy at all, does he?
No.
I guess there are just some people in this world
who only care about themselves.
It's okay.
I can take it.
You're a good kid, Gregory.
Rapscallion!
I beg your pardon?
An 11-letter word for roguish, dishonest person.
Oh!
It fits!
Well aren't you two just the cutest thing ever.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Well, look who it is.
Listen, Sydney, I'm really sorry about earlier.
This is our last show, let's be professionals.
The show must go on.
Yes, it is quite true that the show must go on.
And it will go on.
Just not with you despite your groveling.
Groveling?
Please, please, you're embarrassing yourself.
I'm sorry to tell you this, A.R.C.H.I.E.,
but you have been replaced.
But our act is called Sydney and his talking dog.
Our act was called Sydney and his talking dog.
Now it's called Sydney and his talking sock.
Talking sock?
[TRUMPET SOUNDING]
That's a sock puppet.
This is my new partner Richie.
Too bad for you.
Sydney, don't, don't do this.
You'll destroy your career.
Why, because I wouldn't be working with you?
No, because you got a ridiculous sock on your hand!
Jealousy doesn't become you, A.R.C.H.I.E.
Snooze you lose.
Sour grapes. [LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
[WHISTLING]
WOMAN: I hid it in the deep freezer.
Yeah, listen, you were late on the fifth cue again.
If you think there's a lot of chicken in this soup.
There's a lot of chicken in the soup.
You gotta be tighter on the cues next time.
Well, maybe I'd be tighter if I got a paycheck.
Well, I haven't gotten paid yet.
Full house out there tonight, everyone.
Have a great show.
Break a leg.
Break a leg?
Well, I sure hope not.
A leg, moron.
Not your leg, a leg.
I don't want to break anybody's leg.
I gotta save my strength for the stage.
[SIGHING]
Does it hurt?
Does it hurt being that dumb?
Hm?
No, not really.
[LAUGHING]
Not really at all.
[APPLAUDING]
♪♪
She's wonderful, isn't she?
Yes, she is.
I can't tell you how happy this makes me.
Seeing people enjoy the magic of the circus again.
You know I have your friend and his dog
to thank for much of this.
They saved us from financial ruin.
PAUL: Well, now that you're making money,
maybe you can let her go.
Let her go?
[SCOFFING]
Lara told me all about what you did to her father.
What I did to him?
I don't think you have the slightest idea
what you're talking about.
He embezzled thousands of dollars from me.
He cleaned out our bank accounts.
And because of his thievery
we're still paying debts off to people.
He nearly bankrupted this carnival.
Oh.
Well, she didn't tell me any of that.
I gave Lara a job out of the goodness of my heart.
[APPLAUDING]
[SPUTTERING]
It's magic time.
Oh, yeah, buddy.
Break a leg.
Boy, she likes you.
Of course, she does. She's seen my show.
[APPLAUDING]
[CHEERING]
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
There's been a slight change to tonight's program.
Unfortunately, A.R.C.H.I.E. will not be appearing this evening.
[UPSET MURMURING]
However, do not fret.
Because filling in for him
is none other than the supremely talented and extremely funny
Richie.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Smell mop.
Smell mop who.
Smell your poo? Ew, no thanks.
Smell your own poo, Richie.
[GROANING]
Okay. Well, we've got lots of other good ones.
Like, um, why did the chicken cross the road?
[AUDIENCE JEERING]
Okay, uh.
Hold on! I got some, hey!
Oh, no.
Again, it's all my fault.
Why do you keep doing this, A.R.C.H.I.E.?
Why do you cause trouble for everyone?
Everywhere you go.
Why can't you just be normal?
Hey, A.R.C.H.I.E.
You and I are, let's say, different from the others here.
So I had an idea that I'd like to run by you.
[GIBBERISH]
[BARKING]
Uh.
Okay, I'll take that as a yes.
Come on.
We got other ones.
[JEERING]
Hey, now, you got me right in the mouth.
What's going on here?
Where's A.R.C.H.I.E.?
A.R.C.H.I.E.'s gone.
So is Lara.
Where would they go?
Somewhere she could escape.
The plane.
[JEERING]
And here they are.
Right on time.
Do you remember that plane ride we were talking about?
I'd like to take you up on that.
Now.
I'm not taking you anywhere, Lara.
Oh, I think you are, Paul.
GREGORY: I don't understand.
You've stolen the money.
Why do you need us?
I need you to fly me out of this wilderness prison.
I'm not even licensed to fly a plane.
You think I'm stupid?
If you can't fly then how'd you get the plane here?
GREGORY: What makes you think we'll agree to go with you?
If you don't agree to go with me
then you're going to have a few things to explain.
Like?
Like the fact that you have this magical robot dog.
I bet the world would just love to hear all about him.
I could blow the doors off your little secret for good.
I guess you know about A.R.C.H.I.E. too?
And since you're so clearly unhappy
about being here at the carnival,
it won't be hard to make it look like you're involved
in this little scam too.
But I'm not involved.
Prove it.
I could make a case that you've been helping me all along.
And, oh, what an embarrassment for your poor dad.
But I'm willing to forget all that
if you fly me and A.R.C.H.I.E. to where we need to go.
You and A.R.C.H.I.E.?
Oh, yeah. Didn't I mention that?
A.R.C.H.I.E's coming with me.
We talked about it already.
You did?
[BARKING]
We're going to start our own carnival.
How are you going to do that?
Um, this'll definitely help.
So you're not just a thief, you're a kidnapper too.
Kidnapper? Please.
Don't be so dramatic.
A.R.C.H.I.E.'s going with me of his own free will.
A.R.C.H.I.E., is this true?
[BARKING]
It's pretty simple.
You help me get out of here and you never see me again.
But if you don't help me, then we're all in trouble.
Fine.
Take me but leave Gregory here.
So he can go and get the police
before the plane's even in the air?
Not happening.
[MUTTERING]
MAX: Gregory?
Where's Gregory?
I don't know. But Lara's gone too.
- What? - Yeah.
Guys.
I just saw Lara take off with all the money
and that stupid dog Arty!
A.R.C.H.I.E.?
- Who? - Gregory?!
A.R.C.H.I.E.?
Ah!
What's going on?
I really don't know how to do this.
You've gotta help me.
[BARKING]
What is wrong with you?
A.R.C.H.I.E.'s gone.
Oh, this is all my fault.
Me and my bloated ego.
Oh, I could've never thought that this stupid sock puppet
was more talented than him!
This is just great.
Every cent that we've earned this week is gone.
The carnival is officially ruined!
Will you forget about the money for one second?
My son is missing.
Now, did anyone see where they went?
[PLANE ENGINE ROARING]
Oh, hey guys!
Look what I found stashed on the bus!
But if we have that, what does Lara have?
I don't know. But this stuff smells really good.
Yes. Yes.
And there's lots of it.
Yes, there's tons!
- It's bottomless! - Bottomless money!
[ENGINE ROARING]
A.R.C.H.I.E., I really need your help here.
I don't know how many times I have to tell you this,
but I can't fly!
Don't give me that crap!
I'm serious!
I wasn't the one who flew the plane here, it was A.R.C.H.I.E.
Well, make him do it now then.
I'm trying!
But something's wrong, he's just...
He's acting like a completely normal dog!
Oh, no.
LARA: Oh, no, what?
He must've deleted his hard drive.
What?!
He told me found a delete button in his hard drive.
Does that mean that he's just a normal, stupid dog now?!
That's exactly what it means!
It also means we're in the air in a plane
that nobody knows how to land!
What in the heck is this?
The first rule of stealing money
is make sure that you're actually stealing money.
I got duped.
By an 11-year old.
An 11-year old!
I don't know if you've been paying attention,
but we've got much bigger problems here.
[SCREAMING]
So, are we all going to die now?
Yeah. That's a distinct possibility.
[SCREAMING]
A.R.C.H.I.E., listen to me.
This is your friend Gregory.
I need your help.
[GIBBERISH]
Remember how you said you'd be my friend if I needed one?
Well, I need one now!
A.R.C.H.I.E.!
[GIBBERISH]
Friend. [GIBBERISH]
Best friend.
A.R.C.H.I.E.: Gregory?
A.R.C.H.I.E., you're back.
Yeah, I was having a crazy dream where I was in this airplane.
That's not a dream.
Please tell me you still remember how to land a plane.
Of course I do.
Then land it!
Oh, land it, land it, land it!
Oh, boy!
[SCREAMING]
Oh, I'm going to barf!
Gregory?
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
Why did you do that?
I did it for you.
I wanted you to be happy.
You love this carnival more than anything.
Not more than you.
Nothing is more important to me than you.
What are we going to do with this traitor, boss?
- Dunk tank? - No.
Let's just call the authorities.
How did you figure it out?
I'd been suspicious of Lara for a long time.
She'd steal just enough for it to be barely noticeable.
But I knew she wouldn't be able to resist her greed for long.
When A.R.C.H.I.E. came around
I knew it was just a matter of time.
Just a matter of time
until you realized that I didn't take the money.
Yes! Yes!
High-five, Squirt! Yeah!
Suckers! I bet you all thought it was me, didn't you?
Didn't you? But it wasn't.
It wasn't me, it was goldie schmoldie-locks over here.
Well, it serves you all right, suckers.
I'm going to tell you something,
I'm going to tell you for free right now.
Joko is a sad clown but he's not a thief clown.
He's not a thievery clown.
He doesn't take the money like you.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah, but you're kind of a mean clown.
Oh, shut up.
You shut up.
Well, Lara...
I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
You and your father deserve each other.
[LAUGHING]
Don't worry.
We'll be back, Max.
We'll be back.
We could've been famous, me and you.
More like infamous. No thanks.
MAX: Let's go.
[STOMACH RUMBLING]
I think I'm going to barf.
That was pretty brave what you did.
Thanks.
Maybe we can hang out sometime and do something more normal.
Like a crossword puzzle?
Sure.
I'd like that.
Speaking of crossword puzzles,
do you know a 7-letter word for adorable?
G-R-E-G-O-R-Y.
Uh, Mr. Zon.
I would just like to say, sir,
I am deeply sorry for any trouble that I may have caused.
Deeply. Deeply sorry.
You're forgiven, Sydney.
You are most kind.
And may I also take this opportunity to say
what a complete honor it was to perform in your carnival.
Was?
Well, yes.
Now that A.R.C.H.I.E.'s retiring from performing
that pretty much pushes me out of the business too.
That's silly.
You're a phenomenal ventriloquist.
You could be world-famous.
No, trust me, it was all A.R.C.H.I.E.
I'm nothing without him.
He's the real talent in our partnership.
You're a good man, Sydney, with a kind soul.
That's rare in this line of work.
I have a proposition for you.
How would you like to replace me as ringmaster of this carnival?
You're retiring?
Yes.
Why?
'Cause I want to spend more time with my son.
Give it a shot.
Boys and girls.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Dukes and duchesses.
Monsieurs and mademoiselles.
I nobly welcome you
to a show of the most magnificent performers
in the history of humankind!
You're a natural.
Are you sure you want to do this, Dad?
Absolutely.
What do you say, Sydney?
There's only one thing to say.
Thank you!
Okay! [LAUGHING]
Okay, okay, put me down.
[LAUGHING]
Oh, watch out. He's an aggressive hugger.
[LAUGHING]
[PAUL VOMITING]
That's it, let it out. Let it all out.
Talk to Ralph.
Probably still airsick.
I'm definitely getting rid of that plane.
I guess I picked the wrong time to delete my hard drive, huh?
The timing wasn't fantastic.
Is it still something you think you want to do?
I don't know.
As soon as I did it I felt this profound sadness.
Because I lost everyone I care about.
But at the same time,
I'm sick of getting everyone into trouble.
If I was just a normal dog none of this would've happened.
Hey, none of this was your fault.
But no matter what I keep having this feeling
that there's something bigger that I need to be a part of.
Something I need to do, I just don't know what it is.
[SIRENS WAILING]
A.R.C.H.I.E: Who's this now?
PAUL: I have no idea.
A.R.C.H.I.E: Veronica.
What are you doing here?
Don't worry, I come in peace.
I work for a new company now.
And I have a job offer for you, A.R.C.H.I.E.
- A job? - Mm-hmm.
It might just be the perfect way for you to keep your identity
while allowing you to use your abilities
to do some good in the world.
That is what they were intended for.
I'm listening.
When you were stolen away,
the company I work for endeavored to recreate you,
but after years of trying their efforts were unsuccessful.
Turns out, you are one of a kind.
That's when they contacted me to help find you.
Who's they?
You'll find out soon enough.
But, for now, suffice it to say they are very powerful.
What do they want of me? Why was I created?
You were created to be a beacon of positivity in the world.
A greater good.
Yes, exactly.
And now that we've found you
we want to know if you would like to help us continue
this very important mission.
Yes, yes I would.
Very well then.
You'd better come with me.
We've got a lot of work to do.
Let's go, Paul!
♪♪
♪ Eyes ♪
♪ Can look in the dark and see something there ♪
♪ Eyes ♪
♪ Imagine the touch and feel what's inside ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ Got some kind of hold on me ♪
♪ I can't move ♪
♪ You ♪
♪ Can tell that I'm wanting you ♪
♪ It's in my eyes ♪
♪ When you look at me ♪
♪ I'm mesmerized ♪
♪ When I look at you ♪
♪ It's in your eyes ♪
♪ I want you ♪
♪ It's in your eyes ♪
♪ I need you ♪
♪ Eyes ♪
♪ Can give you away as fast ♪
♪ Look for clues ♪
♪ I ♪
♪ Can tell that you're wanting me ♪
♪ It's in your eyes ♪
♪ When you look at me ♪
♪ I'm mesmerized ♪
♪ When I look at you ♪
♪ It's in your eyes ♪
♪ I want you ♪
♪ You know I want you ♪
♪ It's in your eyes ♪
♪ I need you ♪
♪ There's magic in your eyes ♪
♪ Your eyes can cast a spell ♪
♪ There's magic in your eyes ♪
♪ Your eyes can hypnotize me ♪
♪ I'll fall into your eyes ♪
♪ Your eyes, they mesmerize me ♪
♪ I know that there's magic ♪
♪ In your eyes ♪
♪ It's in your eyes ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, yeah ♪
♪ I want you ♪
♪ It's in your eyes ♪
♪ In your eyes ♪
♪ I need you ♪
♪ It's in your eyes ♪
♪ I want you ♪
♪ It's in your eyes ♪
♪ In your eyes ♪
♪ I need you ♪
♪ I want you ♪
I'm sorry, did you just sit here
and watch the entire credit sequence?
That's impressive.
The movie's over, guys.
That's it, seriously, there's nothing more.
Just, uh, just going to sit there, huh?
Woof.
Subtitles by explosiveskull