A house with a garden! Happy people! But wait!
Where are the decorations for this garden?
No, no, certainly not.
What are we waiting for before we decorate our gardens...
...and start the day with smiling faces? Not with these, of course.
Screw that!
Senay Gnomery's garden gnomes.
Not just a decoration, sometimes, a companion...
Sometimes a playmate...
With gnomes that mask the flaws of your garden...
Water resistant...
Unbreakable...
Sometimes, a touch that gives happiness...
Sometimes, an instrument that lets us joke around with our loved ones.
-Ah! - It didn't break!
Would it ever break? My darling.
Wait, that's not all.
For everyone who purchases our garden gnomes, we offer one pair of garden sheers,...
...and 24 square decimeters of golf lawn, to fight the urban sprawl.
We also offer interior-exterior design and landscaping solutions.
Delivery with a small truck is included. Even in Istanbul traffic.
Why the hell won't he do it? He has a station wagon.
- He says there's traffic. - What traffic, don't drive me crazy!
It's a station wagon, let him put the gnomes in the back.
Not only gnomes, we offer you a lifestyle.
When it comes to garden gnomes, we are the one. Kagithane, Istanbul.
What the hell are you doing there? Turn off the camera!
Well, this film was shot about a year ago.
We'll add some stuff in post production, of course. Thank you very much.
Afterwards, I will demonstrate it as a win-win situation.
- Let me demonstrate, I have the laser. - Wait, calm down.
First of all, we know you only work with the best.
And I would like to say that...
...this year, we are representing our country at the Sofia Garden International fair.
In addition to growing immensely in Europe, why shouldn't we grow here with you?
We think it's a win-win situation.
We thank you for giving us the opportunity to do this presentation.
Yes, Mr. Senay, I didn't understand why you cast this gentleman as a woman.
The lady in the commercial is actually my wife Dilber.
Ilber is her brother. He's my brother-in-law.
Dilber... About three months after shooting this film...
Let's say we lost her. She passed away.
Oh, I'm so sorry. My condolences.
Thank you.
But, if she were alive, she would definitely be proud of how far our firm has come.
We have won them over emotionally. Give me the laser.
Here.
Mr. Senay, can we speed this up a bit? Let's be more specific about what we want.
Sure. I will explain with the laser, with charts.
Our people are not familiar with our gnomes, they don't know them. And, the gnomes...
Are you alright?
- What are you doing, sir? - It's nothing. This is a medical grade laser.
It's a medical grade laser. It's just a scratch, it's nothing.
- It's completely safe. I mean, it's medical grade. - Mr. Senay, could you please hurry?
Yes, right away, sir. Now, our people are not familiar with gnomes.
Our goal is to bring together the gnomes and the grade A people,...
...with our innovative structure.
Gnomes, as you know...
We have Sleepy, Witty, Nosy, Happy, Silly, seven gnomes...
Countless gnomes, really.
Apart from these, as an innovation, we said "Why don't we add another gnome?"
And we decided that the name of our new gnome would be...
Dipshit! Look, that one with the moustache, that's him.
- No, it's a pronunciation error... - Get out!
- The name of the new gnome is Dimwit. - Please. Good day to you, Mr. Senay.
- I said it wrong. - Go, go towards the door.
- Good day. - Thank you. Move, move.
It was mispronounced. I'm very...
Mr. Senay, we wish you good luck at the fair.
Thank you, but the new gnome's name is Dimwit.
It's all ruined now, thanks to the laptop being shut and all... It's ruined.
Shall I present alone?
BUSINESS IN SOFIA
- Ilber, welcome to Europe, brother. - It's heaven, I swear.
Heaven... I wish Dilber would have lived to see these days.
We are growing as a firm. Today, it's Europe, tomorrow, maybe America, Japan...
I can't get your beautiful face out of my head.
They say European people are distant, did you notice anything like that?
No way. Look.
Excuse me, what time it is?
- We're Turkish, man. - Oh, right.
- What are you doing here? - Adventure, fun...
That's lovely, but be careful.
- It's 10 o'clock, should we go? - Let's go. I'll ask for the check.
Sweetheart!
Check, please.
Thank you.
Check, please!
Look, whenever I talk about this, it turns into an argument.
How are these people advanced?
- Look, brother. - Look! For God's sake.
Can you see this just anywhere?
Cafés with boys and girls, musicians... Look at that guy!
- I mean, it's art, brother. Art lives. - They are living life, man.
They are polite people. The man gets up at 5am, goes to the factory,...
...and he still can't help but go to a café and listen to accordion music.
- That's how it is, brother. - It's the capital city of art as well.
Buddy! Don't do that, stop, thanks.
There you go.
See? You say "stop", and he stops.
- Just to say "please" is enough. - Oh, by the way...
- In Bulgarian, "please" is "mola". - "Mola". Saying "please" is essential.
The light turned green.
- What's going on? - What is it, brother?
Am I trying to start in second gear or what? Let me see.
Come on!
Come on, now! Just look at that!
- What the... - Look at that!
What kind of a toolbox does the bastard have? It took him one second.
- I felt nothing, did you feel anything? - Neither did I. Good job.
They took all four of them, for heaven's sake!
Damn it!
- God damn it! - Sir!
Did you see who stole the tires? The tires...
For God's sake, Ilber, you found just the man to ask!
Even if he saw something, how will he describe it?
Alright, brother. Thanks.
We were just five minutes away.
- It's the evil eye. - The evil eye, brother.
The evil eye, indeed. I swear, it is.
- Where have you been, man? - I had new tires put on.
- Why is this CD skipping? - Blow on it, brother.
- Did you get the tires installed? - I did, for a 1000 leva.
How nice, how damn nice!
For an hour now, the Germans have been dominating the floor.
Will we have won when the Germans win? Get behind the counter!
- Their gnomes are all funny-looking. - Yeah, sure!
They play loud music! They offer treats!
Turn that on.
Senay Gnomery.
We're not connected to the main sound system, it seems.
They are being broadcasted on the main system.
Hello? Where are you?
I'm right across the German stand.
Okay, I got it.
What is he saying?
He's coming this way.
We're in the gardening pavilion.
Damn it! They're on to us.
They just took your picture. I'm out of here.
What should we do?
I don't care what you do! Fools.
What's up, what did he say?
The exchange is off.
Yes, these are Boris' men.
And now, there is another happy midget. Look at it.
Lady, same same.
- Madam, they are twins. - The same!
The color, different color. But it can be painted. If painted black, it will look just like you.
- No, no. The same, the same. - No, no, no.
What, what, what? But it's identical.
Sir, it looks just like you.
The man doesn't like the look of himself, how could he like this gnome?
Okay, okay, okay. What a shame.
Yes, Mr. Tasev.
They took our pictures.
What should we get?
Senay Gnomery is back with a new sales campaign.
New, new campaign!
Lucky customer!
Lucky, lucky... I'm going for it, brother.
Look, look!
One minute, excuse me, sir. Are you a garden man?
Are you a gar... Come on!
- Ilber, we've got a buyer here. - Look, sir...
Sir, how many...
How many square meters is your garden?
Garden... How much? No, no, no, look!
Just take it. Look, beautiful.
Just, not one...
Not one, not two, not three. Seven...
- Campaign! - Campaign!
And plus one...
Buy seven gnomes, get the eighth for free.
How much?
How much? How much, easy.
For you, just for you.
For your eyes only,...
...500 euros.
Shall I wrap them?
Shipping is on the house, shipping...
He will accompany you to the car.
Until car.
Yes! This is it. This is it. Let the Germans see.
This is it.
We set the dancefloor on fire.
This is nothing. Watch me go another round.
Look, here's the code:
Work hard, but don't forget to dance. What's the point if you don't have any fun?
That's how Europeans do it, that's how it should be done. What shall we drink?
I can't pronounce the names of these cocktails.
Let's drink beer. I'm sure "beer" is pronounced the same everywhere.
Wait.. Excuse me!
The music is so loud, man. Hello!
Can I... Can I have...
Shame on you. You were jumping up and down like monkeys.
I swear, at one point, I thought I was watching a documentary.
You are abroad, man. All it takes is two words, but you come here and go "bla, bla, bla".
What a shame!
- What's going on? - Do we know each other, pal?
I know your type!
- Why do you even travel abroad? - We are businessmen. We came here for the fair.
Shut up! You don't know the language, you don't have any manners.
You can't even say "Can I have a bottle of wine?"
"Scotch on the rocks."
Can you not even say "give me a beer"?
- Dude... - Cut it out. What do you mean, "dude"?
Bartender! Can I have two B-52s for these gentlemen please?
He must be off his rocker.
But his Turkish is very good. I noticed that he speaks very well.
- We are going to drink what that guy ordered! - He ordered something hot, brother.
- This is so strong, man! - I like it. We can have another.
- You have nice hair. - Pardon?
Nice hair. I saw you dancing, you're like a fire.
Thank you.
She's talking about my hair.
My name is Senay.
My name is Ilber. My name is?
Are we learning English? Veronica.
- Are you from Turkey? - How did you know?
You have a slight accent.
Brother, we should buy this girl a drink.
- And ask her if she has a friend. - Hold it.
How did you learn to speak Turkish?
Like you, in time.
Can I... Can I...
Yes, yes, champagne, please.
My son!
Champagne! Champagne, please!
To Sofia!
In Sofia...
I'm a... I'm a businessman... In fair. Garden fair. And...
- Company! - Company, my company...
And my brother... Kind... Like brother...
And in business... But tonight I'm dancing.
But tomorrow, business again...
Thank you for the drink, have fun, guys.
Have fun.
- She'll come back, I guess. - You didn't ask if she had a friend.
When could I have asked? She took just one sip and left.
This drink is so sour. It doesn't agree with me, brother.
Let's grab a couple of hot dogs next door. Then, we'll see if we'll come back here or not.
Excuse me. Check, please!
What? What's it to you?
Oh, it's nothing.
Do you have 5 leva for the tip? Our bill is 60.
- I do, brother. - Here.
Thank you.
No, it's 6000 leva.
6000? 60 leva?
No, sir, it's 6000 leva.
He says 6000. No, no, no.
That's a decimal point. 60. Isn't that a decimal point?
60. Decimal point.
I mean, it's 6000 leva.
Is that a black seed? There was a decimal point there, I saw it.
60... Too much!
- Seeds symbolize wealth, brother! - Yeah, right.
You are ripping people off here.
On me... There's no... No... Hotel...
At the hotel...
6000 is a lot! Too many...
There's a misunderstanding. My brother-in-law is right.
Yes, at the hotel...
No, no, no. Alright, okay, okay.
At the hotel... Let's go to the hotel. Please.
Let's go to the hotel. No, no...
Sir, look! Brother, do something. Just a second...
This is not something you should go through when you go to a discothèque!
Lady, we've been beaten up a lot in stadiums! This is not Europe!
Isn't it a shame that this happens in a place you go to have a drink? Is this Europe?
Hey! What's going on, who are these people?
I don't know, they made a scene at the discothèque.
Take them into custody at once! Come on, go!
This is all happening because we don't have connections.
What's being done to us is the Midnight Express!
If you keep this up, no tourist will ever come here again!
This should be made into a movie!
- This is outrageous! - Whatever, man, why are you yelling?
Don't waste your breath, brother. This is our fate.
But they call this place Europe. Where is this Europe?
What Europe, man? To hell with all that! It's just propaganda!
Did you guys get into a fight over the check too?
No. I'm in the steel cookware business. I come here 3-4 times a year.
There was an incident in the parking lot. They called the cops.
- And here I am! - How about you, sir?
The guys took us to the Turkish bath,...
...but the place turned out to be something else.
We are purveyors of garden gnomes. We are here to attend the fair.
Let me give you my card. Senay Gnomery.
- I'm Senay. - I'm Sadik.
And I'm Ismail. I'm in the cologne business. Our factory is in Yenibosna.
Just ask for Coskun Perfumes, and anyone will show you. Here you go.
We're all businessmen here.
We must bring the embassy into action.
We must call the Ministry of Trade. What kind of a scandal is this?
It's our fault too, my friend.
This is unbelievable.
You all got used to living without order, without rules.
And when the police get a hold of you, you immediately start whining.
So what if you are in custody?
Let me deal with this guy.
What the hell are you talking about, man? Aren't you in here with us?
The brake light on my motorbike was out.
I argued with the police officer, the man was right!
Let him be, Senay, let him be.
Stop it, fellows. Let's not spoil this societal mosaic. We're in a foreign land.
I'll break your bones!
Are you a prince or what, man? Who do you think you are?
Man, it drives me crazy when they give advice!
- Don't mind him. - Oh, dear God.
I'm listening.
Brother, we have five people ready.
Shall I send them now or tomorrow morning?
Look, don't let it be like the last time.
Are the guys in good shape? Last time, the whole thing was over in 20 minutes.
Don't worry Mr. Tasev, this batch is quite mobile.
Alright.
No, no, it's because of his stupidity.
Yeah, yeah.
Good evening.
We'll take these two and leave.
Okay.
What are you waiting for?
- Mr. Senay? - Are you from the embassy?
- Is Mr. Ilber with you? - He is. Come! Come here!
We're sorry for the incident.
Please forgive us if our friends have offended you.
- Well, yes they did, but damn, whatever. - How about these fellows?
We'll take care of them, sir. Don't you worry. Please go ahead.
I will call from the embassy.
- I'll call you. - Goodbye.
Midnight Express!
You have really come to our rescue. A person feels safe with you guys.
You came just as I was about to head-butt the guy.
- I swear... God... - Oh!
- Are we ready, gentlemen? - We are.
Sorry.
Sorry what?
It was good, bro.
Who hit me in that car?
Mr. Senay, I'll be blunt.
What are you doing here in Sofia?
What is there to do in Sofia? We are here for the fair.
Sofia Garden International. The fair!
Ok, bro, but why have we been handcuffed?
- So this is not the embassy? - Interpol!
Oh, man!
How do you know Boris Mancov?
What's she saying, brother?
"How do you know Boris Mancov?" She asks how we know Baris Manco.
We know him to be a good man. What do you think?
We like him, we have an admiration and respect for him.
What do you know about Boris Mancov?
We know his songs. His songs are what we know.
♪ Anklet!
♪ Nick the Chopper.
You do the keyboard.
And there is this... If you can just take off our cuffs, he has these moves.
And there is this duet.
Who are these?
- You do the girl, I'll do Baris. - Okay.
Go a bit higher, do it like a girl.
Don't get me punished for a false statement. She said Baris Manco.
These guys are complete idiots, seriously.
Cut it out!
Look, pal!
This man is Boris Mancov.
What were you negotiating about with his men at the fair?
What do you think? We sold gnomes to these guys.
We gave them seven, and an additional one as a bonus.
What's in the gnomes?
Nothing. They're empty. Gnomes are molded.
It's empty, what can there be in a gnome?
You tell me! Plutonium, uranium?
- Plutonium, uranium? Nope! - Plutonium?
Now lady, I apologize, but I have nothing to do with this incident.
My brother-in-law asked me if I had a passport. I said I did and gave it to him.
Send them away!
He did the loading, shipping and all.
I had no idea. I gave the passport with the best of intentions.
What the hell are you saying? What do you know about plutonium?
Is there plutonium in the gnomes?
Shut up! Would this pretty girl lie? This huge organization?
You brought me into this mess!
- I swear, I'll... - Brother!
What do you know about plutonium? What's your knowledge?
Look, gentlemen, I guess you don't know a single fact.
If this guy Boris Mancov, throws you into a fire,...
...no one can save you from it.
Go to your fair or wherever.
One wrong move and I'll crush you.
We're only businessmen.
You talk but you talk crap, pal!
I mean, we came for the fair, you have no idea what goes on here.
They're all puppets.
There's an entirely different scheme going on here.
Yeah, tell me about it, bro.
Can you imagine? The guy says Boris Mancov. God forbid!
Never mind! I'm trying to forget, let it go, what's it to us?
Yeah, okay, but didn't these guys buy eight gnomes from us?
So what? Are you going to say 5 times 8 equals 40?
I didn't like what the man said during our interrogation.
You know he said, "If this Boris Mancov throws you into a fire..."
Look at the newspaper, "G-8 Sofia".
G-8 leaders are in Sofia, so what?
Eight leaders!
What if they put bombs into the gnomes and give each leader one, as a gift?
- What bomb? - One for Putin, one for Merkel, one for this guy.
- What if he detonates the bombs? - Man, what's it to us, to me?
Let's say the criminal bureau came afterwards to investigate the explosion.
I mean, they examine everything to the smallest detail.
They can even find the family line of a man using a single hair.
Then what will we say to that pretty girl?
- Veronica! - No, the one in our interrogation.
Man, are you high?
Brother,...
...I marked the bottom of all the gnomes...
... "Senay Gnomery, Kagithane, Istanbul".
- Are you kidding me? - You told me, you said "corporate"!
To hell with corporate! At a time like this, when all eyes are on us, how can you do this?
Give it to me, let me see what you wrote.
Unbelievable! He wrote my name.
All the way to Kagithane, Istanbul. Finding us will be a picnic for them.
Very nice, way to go.
- We're done. - Hold on now.
Run to the car. There's some sandpaper in the glove box.
Go get it. Let's sand the bottoms of all eight gnomes.
Then we'll go to the guy and say "your gnomes are broken, cracked, defective".
"Give us those, take the good ones", ok?
Then let him put whatever he wants in them! Bombs or uranium or whatever.
Just so my name is not involved!
Look at this! We came here to become famous.
But instead, we will become infamous!
Sorry, pal! I have to save my own butt.
If we're in this position now, you're also to blame.
- Witty, Sleepy. Put these. - Excuse me!
- Son! You're the best, bravo. - The address.
I asked for Boris Mancov's address, and he found it on the internet. Smarty!
See who he looks like. Do you see it? Aunt Cemile's son, Ali.
Yes, bravo, exactly identical!
- Here, son. Thanks. - Thank you, sir.
"Baris Manco, Moda, 81300, Istanbul".
What is it? Is it wrong?
No, it's not. Here, take it and go there!
Let's not waste a whole day of the fair.
We should go to a wealthy neighborhood and ask around for it.
That's what we'll do. Where would he live? Here?
Oh, shit!
Someone hit us! You wait here...
Get out, out!
I crashed the car because of you.
It's none of your business, you can't control me!
Is there much damage?
- Veronica! - I'm sorry?
Senay, from club, hair!
Oh, I got you, I saw you last night.
It's terrible, sorry, I was on the phone.
No, no. It's okay, it's okay.
It's alright as long as the car is okay.
- Why don't you pay attention, you idiot! - Go back to the car!
What a luck. What are you doing?
Okay, look, guys. I will pay this thing, don't worry.
No, no, it's okay.
Just follow me, I will pay everything, really.
Sure.
What are you doing here?
Yes.
You follow me.
Okay.
You get it? You follow me!
Ah!
Okay?
I was...
Okay. I was thinking. Sorry.
Will you look at that!
She says, "Follow me, I'll pay for the damage." Veronica!
Go.
Don't make a face, not that face!
My God...
What the hell are you laughing at?
Brother, this is the new thing. I know, there's a catch.
- What new thing? - Well, this crashing from behind, it's a scam.
The other day it happened to Ergun, on the motorway.
The motorway?
Yeah, on the motorway a lady comes and crashes into you from behind.
You get out to see what happened and then she asks you to follow and you do.
You go into her house, you're in the middle of choco parties and kinky shit.
The lady of course is wealthy, these things happen.
Are you crazy, man?
Ergun came to work the day after.
I swear he had chocolate all over him, behind his ears and all, I saw it.
- Does this girl need to do that? - Did you ask if she has a friend?
- You say she crashed into us on purpose, huh? - Definitely.
She saw you in the disco and made you out as prey, obviously.
Choco party, huh? Don't be ridiculous!
They spread chocolate all over you and stuff...
Bro! Don't talk shit about this girl! There's no such thing.
- It's all Ergun's lies! - Oh, don't be so naive for God's sake.
Who would rub chocolate behind their ears, for crying out loud? We know these things!
CHOCO PARTY
If there's an intimate moment in the house, wait in the car, okay?
Oh dear God, alright, alright!
This guy's gonna help you, come on.
Nica, where have you been?
Why didn't you tell me before you went out?
The boss has called you three times.
Shut up!
I crashed into the car of these gentlemen, pay them what's necessary.
- Are you Turkish? - Yes.
- What's wrong with the car? - Well, sir, the bumper is ruined, the...
- Nothing, it's not that bad. - Come with me.
There is no need to...
- Let's go inside and see, why not? - Who was that, was he her brother?
What the...
Wait over there.
- Did they say the same thing to Ergun? - Which Ergun?
You wait.
Brother, the gnomes!
Where the hell did they come from?
These are our gnomes.
They're definitely putting bombs inside of the gnomes, they're wiring them up, look!
Whose damn house is this?
- Hi, Mr. Willdorf. - Hi.
How was the game?
It was good game.
I think I've lost my balls.
You can take my balls, if you don't mind.
Boris!
How was my joke?
It was a joke, Boris.
My apologies for garden fair, my friend.
We do the deal after the brunch, okay?
Don't worry my friend, see you.
Thank you.
Where's Nica?
Nica's here, inside. It's okay.
Why do you let her go out alone?
Hold this.
When there is no one listening, what's the ear for?
Is that an ear?
Get out!
- Here, money for the car. - Forget the money.
Could we speak with Mr. Boris for a few minutes?
- We sold him some gnomes. - What gnomes?
Garden gnomes. We sold them to Mr. Boris at the fair.
Let me talk to him for a few minutes. There are cracks in the gnomes.
- What about the ear? - See if there's chocolate behind it.
I don't have too much time. Tell me what you want.
Okay... About the gnomes.
I and he...
I am "he".
I and he, do...
Your... There are a few...
Okay.
German.
Nope, nothing.
What do they speak?
Turkish.
Get out of here, get lost! I'll mess you up! Move!
Boris, you're really a nut job!
What did you want from my dresses?
- Nica! - Are you a psycho?
Look at it! What's this supposed to be?
- She's his girl, right? - Well, she's his girlfriend, but...
...he's trying to oppress the girl, but the girl does not submit to him, she talks back.
What's this? Tell me, how long will this go on?
- Come on! - What?
What is she supposed to do? Should she swallow it? She's right.
Even if you're worth a billion dollars, no one would endure this for long.
Shut up!
Well, of course, the guy is old, he's jealous.
What they have is not love.
I mean, it's a weird relationship. He to her, she to him...
Shut up, I've had enough. I can't take it anymore.
What are you looking at? Get lost!
Look, you freak! Just because we're not saying anything,...
...you're acting like shit, swearing in front of the girl. Get a grip, won't you!
- Brother! - Stay there! I'll get you first like Keyser Soze!
Look at him! He dyed his hair like a second league footballer.
Man, I'll screw your Achilles tendon! Bring the gnomes here, bring them!
Bring the gnomes here! Bring the gnomes!
Sometimes you have no common sense. Your mouth doesn't know when to stop.
I have only eaten two cracker sticks the whole day.
My blood sugar is low.
Did I say anything bad about his personality? I did not!
They are like our firing squad. What if they shoot us in the head?
Just you wait. You mentioned kinky, just you wait, there's chocolate coming.
Yell out "Where's my chocolate?"
What's up, pal?
Come, brother Senay. Come, sit next to me.
- What brings you guys here? - As-salamu alaykum.
- Alaikum-Salaam. - I'll sit here, brother Ismail.
Dear God! What is this?
It's fate, brother. One shouldn't complain too much.
They ruffled us up while we were in custody, then they took us here.
They say it's a hunt, but we'll see.
What hunt?
What the hell! Again with the surprised peasant act.
Well, of course. You don't travel, you don't read, you don't know... What a shame!
- Did Boris Mancov kidnap you guys too? - Don't even ask, Senay.
We fell right into the middle of a game. They say it's a man hunt.
They're going to release us into the forest and shoot us one by one.
But of course, you need to look at the big picture.
Look at this luck, pal.
I prayed till morning, and look what's happening to us.
What have we done to deserve this?
Where is this fatalism coming from?
Right now we should be creating turmoil, we need to call the embassy.
Don't talk like an idiot!
Did they not take everything from us? What are we going to call with?
Brother, I didn't give it, since they didn't ask.
I have a phone, will it be of any use?
- I'm calling the embassy right away. - Call.
- Why are you staring at me like that? - What line of work are you in?
I'm a CFO.
This is the work of three lettered creatures like you.
We've become toys for rich people here.
It says to press one for visas, and two for passport procedures.
Kidnapping is not an option.
- Can I call my home, bro? - Go ahead.
- Hello! - Hello?
- Naime! It's Ismail! - Yes, Ismail.
- I'm in Sofia... - Yeah?
We are involved in a man hunt, a kidnapping.
If there's a killing, a shooting incident, there might be the chance of martyrdom.
- What? - I might not be able to come back.
I just wanted to let you know.
- Take care. - Hello? Ismail?
Give me that! God help me, what I have to put up with...
Hello, Merve, it's Tayanc.
Who do we know at the embassy in Sofia?
Good, have them call me at this number, come on.
Man, I'm stuck with nut jobs for real!
Really, what is this, man?
Did we stop?
What's he doing? Give me that phone!
Get out!
Well...
Easy, easy!
Willdorf, welcome, my friend.
Hello. Nice party.
She is getting taller and taller everytime I see her.
You are funny.
Smile a bit.
And then he goes to the market, everybody's waiting for him and...
...when he comes back from the market to the village, boys are asking...
..."Where is my duduk?", "Where is it?"
And he says...
... "Who gives the money, plays the duduk."
Nasreddin Hodja, very funny guy, very funny.
- They are ready. - Alright.
Okay, my friends!
It's time to have some fun, right? Yeah?
We got tired, it's time to entertain ourselves.
Welcome to my traditional man hunt.
What kind of people are these?
If money makes you this way, then the hell with it.
So, are they going to shoot us after eating this dinner?
Not dinner, you fool, it's brunch!
Cut it out!
- Won't we be offered anything, sushi and such? - No brother, no.
They'll eat it all themselves, it's hunger games for us.
Ladies and gentlemen!
The last 20 minutes!
Please let me go. Please, please don't kill me.
Shut your trap!
This is how it is when you make money, huh, you bastard?
Brother!
You have 20 minutes, you'll run into the forest.
We'll talk later if you survive.
What's our motivation exactly? I mean the rules.
No rules. Go.
- He's not kidding I guess. - Move!
Hey guys, I've heard about this before.
Some friends of mine attended a man hunt like this in Catalca.
The guys paid a 100.000 dollars in a briefcase just like that!
That is an urban myth, bro.
For God's sake, don't say "urban myth" one more time, please!
Don't be silly, this is only entertainment. Do you think they actually use bullets?
What should we do, run or what?
So what if you run, brother Senay? You can't escape fate.
Stop talking, what are you still mumbling about?
Didn't you hear? They'll shoot us one by one!
- Don't yell! Don't create panic in the group. - Just a minute.
- Why the hell are you yelling? - He's creating panic.
This Bulgarian fellow is a symbol of our diversity, let's not do this.
You, the one with the glasses, don't act this way.
Enough with it, enough...
It's normal, since his body is secreting adrenaline.
Look at that head! It split like a potato.
- He's panicking. - They're shooting real bullets.
- It's all because of panic. Let's run. - Let's run!
Ricardo, what are you doing?
We haven't started yet.
Boris, I'm just trying the weapon.
What's the problem?
This didn't count, okay?
Fair enough.
Over there, go.
Look, you don't run like that.
We didn't eat in the morning, let's not burn all the sugar in our bodies.
- You! - Why are you bossing people around?
Everyone has their own red lines.
Okay. Forget it, Sadik. Let him say whatever he wants!
Look.
These guys have dogs.
The first thing we need to do is make them lose our trail.
To do that, we do this.
Amazing idea, Tayanc. This a diversion, right?
Ok, here we go!
The dogs go that way, we go this way.
Don't mind this maniac. These things can't be done without planning.
- Come here. Plan. Come. - Unbelievable.
I mean if we find a river, a stream, it will buy us some time.
And some kind of whistling sound to help us communicate with one another.
- Will this work? - Good, give me that stick.
Now, this is Ismail. Okay, never mind, leave it.
Whoever finds the river should notify us.
- That's the only way, huh? - Alright.
What do you think, Sadik? You got it in your head?
- Oh, God! - It's nothing, it's nothing.
Don't panic, no panic! It's alright.
It's alright, don't panic. Don't panic.
You're okay, you're alright. Dear God!
Don't panic! No panic.
Come on, go, go, go!
Don't forget your rifle, my friend.
Thank you.
Alright.
Come on, come on.
You can literally hear the dogs.
Stop, wait!
Give me that. Look at this.
Get out of the way.
These traps could be anywhere.
Mr. Ismail, what the hell are you doing?
I had some almond candy in my pocket. I was just eating some.
- What is it? - Nothing, nothing.
You know, this one will cause us trouble for real.
- I don't like the way he acts at all. - He doesn't have any team spirit.
He's crazy. He has crazy behaviour.
Here are the dogs.
Take it!
I don't want it.
Maybe she hates guns.
It's not guns, it's people.
She is driving me crazy!
Todor! Let's go.
Let me tell you something, this guy is a real piece of work.
This is extremely tough because of his carefree attitude.
- Mr. Ismail! Hurry a little, please. - The man is too relaxed.
Walk to the cave. Come on, man, come on!
What happened to you?
Are you thirsty?
Damn it!
Help me!
I'm here!
Anyone?
We can hide in here.
Come on, Mr. Ismail.
Ilber, the ground is wet, what do you say?
- You mean there's water? - No, man.
We cover our faces with mud, just like in the movie Predator.
That way, not even a thermal camera can see us, come on.
Brother Senay, I haven't watched that Predator movie.
- Can I do something from a movie I've watched? - Which movies?
Don't claim you know this stuff better than Arnold Schwarzenegger, the governor!
What does this have to do with the governor?
Cover it, bro, cover your face.
You're carefree, Ismail.
Just a minute. Go!
Go, walk. Towards the wall, deep inside.
Go, up against the wall.
Move, move. Totally Predator, okay?
Mr. Ismail? What did you eat, man?
It's my stomach, pal.
Brother, am I visible?
You're not visible, but you're audible, shut up!
Mr. Ismail, what are you doing? You might as well take a dump here!
What should I do, man?
- Brother! - Esselamu aleykum ve rahmetul...
- What now? - The guy's here.
Is that an animal?
Cops have come to the house, sir.
Clear the forest at once.
Make sure no one is left behind!
Gather everyone, we're going home.
Delta 1, Delta 2. Clear the forest!
Clear the forest!
Roger that.
He's leaving!
Come, come.
You said a truck load of stuff to me inside, now look at what you're doing.
Yours was in a moment of crisis, this is a celebration of victory.
- This one's asking for it, look at him! - He needs to be watched closely.
I swear this one's gonna get us into trouble.
I bid you a good weekend Mr. Mancov.
I'm late, I apologize. What's the issue?
We have a search warrant.
What were you doing in the forest, Mr. Mancov?
In the forest?
We shot boars.
What's wrong, is it not hunting season?
Come on, arrest me then.
We'll take a look around.
Sure.
The forest is clear.
However, one of them took the UTV and got away.
Todor got wounded.
I also couldn't locate the madam.
Don't panic, come here right away.
HOW SENAY HELP YOU?
Help!
I swear, a person can turn into a killer.
I mean, as much as we're trying to adapt here, certain things seem to stay the same.
Ismail, you're silent now.
But, when my brother-in-law says something at a critical time, you talk back.
It's my nature, brother. I'm not like you guys.
I've said it before, this is a mosaic.
Okay, so it's a mosaic, but this is a forest and our lives are at stake.
- Let's adapt a bit, please! - This is my nature, brother.
When I get hit on this cheek, I offer the other one.
These things don't work with planning.
So they don't work with planning, but you're too much of a fatalist!
I'm a fatalist, pal! What happens when you plan?
Whatever will happen, will happen anyway. Not less, not more.
What is meant to be is already written on our foreheads.
What the hell is this?
Help!
Can anyone hear me?
Hello!
Who is you?
I'm here! I'm trapped, I can't get out!
- Wait, don't act so quickly. - Stop it. It's coming from down there, move.
Hello!
Help!
Ah, Veronica! What are you doing here? What a luck!
Save me! I'm not a hunter, I didn't do anything to you.
Let me hit her in the head with the axe. We'll get at least one point.
- Senay, please don't kill me! - No, no, no. It's okay.
- What the hell are you talking about? - Let me hit her once.
Excuse me.
- Come here. What are you saying? - I'm thinking of hitting her like this.
- Did you look at this girl? - I did.
Did you see her?
Look son, this is your sister's picture. I lived with this woman for 20 years.
As if you've ever seen a girl like this, and now you want to kill her?
- Where's this feeling of abundancy coming from? - To score points.
- So we kill her? How nice! - Senay, please don't kill me!
No, no. We'll lower a rope.
Please!
Go on!
What a game.
Wait, I'll lower the other end.
Move, come, move. Go, go.
- Here we are! - Brother, loosen the rope.
Tie it to the girl now.
Hold it, hold it.
Go down, go down. Come, come.
- Are you alright? - My leg!
Is it a snake bite? Let me suck the venom out at once.
Are you mad? What snake?
But if it was a snake, it has to be sucked out.
- It's not a snake bite. - Brother!
Brother!
Hold your horses! Are you able to walk?
- Yes. - Let's go then.
Brother!
- What? - Ask her if she has a friend.
You are good people, run away!
Save yourselves, this is a filthy game.
- The girl is right, brother. - That's true.
The girl is right and innocent. But the joke is over. Ilber!
Tie the lady up. She will be our ticket out of here.
Senay, what did I ever do to you?
You should ask your rich boyfriend that, little miss.
Is everything okay?
Your house is spotless Mr. Mancov.
Especially, when you're not in it.
I'd like to give you the head of the boar as a present.
Thank you Mr. Mancov.
We are looking for the head of the snake.
Is Nica still not back?
Sir, we searched everywhere,...
I don't want cops in this house ever again, understood?
Yes sir.
And find the girl!
So Boris, let's do some business, my friend.
Yeah, man. That's the time, let's go downstairs.
This way?
Did you see how I played it rough with the girl back there?
You're very cunning. But I got what you were doing.
What did I do? Take this and give it to the girl.
That's it! The hostage will get Stockholm syndrome because you are being good to her.
What Stockholm? Am I acting that cold towards the girl?
You're literally doing it, so the girl falls in love with you, it's so obvious.
Look at me. I'll be the main man every now and then,...
...and you'll be my sidekick, you'll make jokes to make me look good.
Dear God!
The internet is kind of slow, but...
...it's working.
Your money is my money now, my friend.
Thank you very much.
Here is your fortune cookie, my friend.
Thank you.
Very light piece for 500 million dollars, but thank you.
You can turn people into monkeys with that.
They can only say, "he's eating, but he's working".
Nice making business with you.
Thanks for the hunt. It didn't end well, but...
No, my friend, my hunt is just starting now.
Don't be stubborn, Veronica, eat these, we have a long way ahead.
I would run if I were you. Boris won't give you anything in exchange for me.
In my eyes, you're worth the whole world,...
...but what we want from Boris is a helicopter to Turkey and the gnomes.
- What gnomes? - Hey, don't yell at my brother-in-law!
I'm the main man, okay? You're the sidekick. Why are you yelling at the girl?
You're literally doing the Stockholm syndrome thing.
Bro...
I'm the main man, not you!
I've known this maniac for two years. You won't make it alive out of here!
Run when you have the chance, go far away.
I couldn't care less about world leaders. But he humiliated me in front of you.
I was just going to take the gnomes with the planted bombs.
- What bomb? - Boris works on biological weapons.
I am a biological weapon! He'll see what it's like to offend a tradesman!
Biological weapons? He should quit that shit.
Miss Veronica, we await you at exit B.
Please proceed to exit B.
Walk, Veronica, we'll go to a hill where we'll signal Boris.
Hello!
I'm here!
Is this it? Is it over?
I'm the last one I guess. Isn't Mr. Boris here?
Oh, shit!
Boss!
Damn it!
As I am a person who also wants to be out in the field, at one point we said,...
...why should this beauty not be in our gardens and we went corporate.
Our website, the "About Us" section and all. Whatever...
However, our people are not satisfied with small things.
Probably, the reason why our gnomes did not sell was because of our people's attitude.
That's what I think.
You told your whole life story to her. You're working in a subtle way, I swear.
In a subtle way?
For God's sake, don't act like this when you see a woman.
- Really, don't do this please! - What, brother?
Bro, stop talking back, just watch your step.
Ilber! Brother!
- Ilber, brother. - Is this okay? Are you happy now?
- Stop, please don't talk! - It's always "don't talk", isn't it?
Brother!
Don't pull me now. It's pointy. Wait, calm down, stop!
Do you remember Ferdogan's summer house in Kumburgaz?
Yes!
There was a blue bicycle that I always wanted to ride.
You didn't allow me a single ride. Bastard!
Don't call me that in front of the girl, just because you're dying.
- This is the rule of the game, is it? - Bro, what rule? Don't do it, I beg you.
The main man is going to get the girl, the sidekick is going to get nothing.
Don't say this stuff in front of the girl, just because you're dying.
- I'm dying, brother. - Wait, you won't die, wait!
Ilber, Ilber, Ilber!
What is this now?
This should have never happened!
Senay, run away, save yourself!
- I can't leave my brother here, Veronica. - Don't be stupid!
Are we going to walk around with a dead body like a B movie?
Well...
I guess this is okay, huh?
Move, Senay! They're coming.
Boss!
I know where they're going.
Go, go.
Move.
Go, go!
Senay, there's no way out of here.
I did my military service in Foca as a commando, Veronica.
- So? - There were eight of them and I was alone.
I can't get those days out of my head.
Commander! Corporal! Corporal Senay!
Make way you suckers, move aside!
There're plenty of scones, get in line.
- What are you doing, man? - But brother...
Brother? Call me commander! The hell with brother!
Get in line, give it to me!
Jump!
Are you okay, babe?
What the hell are you doing?
Get off me!
I didn't do anything.
I did nothing, things just progressed.
I AM A SOUL MADE OUT OF DIRT
Wait here, babe.
Who is you?
Who's there?
Mr. Prince, I didn't know you take a shit too.
There's a gun, these are really good.
Look, a bullet-proof vest.
- Good job, you've found the treasure. - You too.
Hi. Tayanc Pakca.
- My pleasure. - Ok, cut it out, come on.
Pleasure my ass!
- Good, you've survived, bravo. - Nature is my friend.
"A human is merely its own nemesis."
Cemal Sureya.
Cemal Sureya has no such poem.
I studied Turkish literature for four years.
God Almighty, how well he chooses the moment.
Is this all of us, are the others dead?
They are.
Mr. Ismail died, Sadik is gone,...
...Ilber is gone!
Senay!
The road to the city is five kilometers away.
If you think we can run away, I'll come with you.
Shall I believe you or the million dollar ring on your finger, pretty girl?
Damn the ring!
This ring? I wish I didn't have it and lived happily in a house with a furnace.
Here, the ring!
Found it!
It's here.
I "found" it too.
We are at the rocks!
What do you say, Mr. Adventure?
Easy!
I was in the climbing club back in Bogazici University.
Nasuh and the others were newbies back then.
"Tayanc, how to do this, Tayanc how to do that?"
Their carreer took off after. I quit at my peak!
Come on girl, up you go!
It's alright, I'm fine!
One poem from me then; "May you deceive, screw the ones who believe!" Namik Kemal.
So he's dead!
Yes, this is it.
It was embarrassing back there by the lake, sorry.
- Why? - Well, back there...
...I made a fool out of myself when I showed you I fancy you.
But that is what suits those who are in love.
Senay, you can also be friends with a woman.
Right.
Especially, if you're not a million dollar guy and,...
...you're a tradesman struggling in fairs.
But don't forget!
Even though I don't have a helicopter, I know the way to a woman's heart.
- You know a lot. - Sure I do.
Then know this:
You're so sweet.
- What does that mean? - I thought you knew everything?
Brother!
My God!
Ilber, brother!
God! Protect us from damned people.
This is the curse of the Black Forest.
How many times did I tell you to ask if she has a friend?
What? Don't move, stop where you are!
The curse of the Black Forest!
What the hell is this?
This is the curse of the Black Forest! I didn't know it was true.
What curse, did he rise from the grave?
Those burried in the Black Forest come back, it's a myth.
What, did you turn into a zombie? Damn, stop right there!
Quit taunting me, I'm coming.
Stop, wait a minute, stop for God's sake!
Shoot him in the head!
Okay, wait, he didn't walk that slowly.
Bro, are you dead or what?
My heart is not beating. My hands and feet are ice cold!
Ilber, do you feel the urge to bite something?
- No, no urge. I'm coming! - Oh dear God, what shall I do with him?
- Senay, look out! - Okay, but he didn't walk slowly, huh?
Have you walked slowly like this?
- Ilber? - Brother...
Ilber, I don't know if I should be happy or upset. What have you done, man?
Tell me you're not dead, say you're not dead!
- I'm scared. - Ilber!
He's ice cold, goddamn it!
Thank you doctor. Are you flying back to Tokyo?
Yes.
Thank you.
Who are these men, who?
This is all we've got, sir.
They have one follower each on Twitter and Facebook.
And their follower is the other of the two.
Besides, they're not on Eksi Sozluk.
Look at their web page.
Look at their pictures!
Would you like me to deploy the team, sir?
Someone's trying to bring us down, but who?
Could it be the Illuminati, sir?
Don't be silly!
Search the whole forest. This ends tonight!
We're going into the forest.
Wine?
No, no.
Senay, we have to be careful with that guy.
No, no, he is okay. Don't worry about him.
- How are things between you two? - Good, good.
Here, take a sip.
I don't want it, brother. I don't feel like it.
Dear God. Look at what we're dealing with.
Don't worry, man, we'll make it back home.
When we go to Turkey, I'll have you blessed by a hodja.
- You'll be as good as new. - Thanks, brother.
Do you get any evil impulses?
Yes, every now and then, but not towards you, brother.
Look at me! If you ever feel like attacking the girl or me...
You know, in the movies, the guy attacks his closest relative.
If such a thing happens, I'll smack you in the forehead!
No, brother, really. I don't feel like attacking you. I'll tell you if I do.
What's that sound?
Senay!
Look!
The bastard's having us followed with cameras.
I see extremely well at night, but only in black and white.
Did you see how he took it down?
Yeah, come here, come. Come here, come.
Do you see me?
Listen to me!
I went down to the poolside.
A girl came along.
I didn't know what true love was.
Then, it happened to me.
I didn't know what true love was.
Then it happened to me.
I can't love...
Brother!
For once, can I please not die after singing a folk song?
To the west exit, towards the west exit!
Veronica!
What?
- It's okay, I'm fine! - Go, go, go!
- Come on! Shoot me! - Run, run, run.
Run!
This is your last chance!
Be a man and let the girl go!
Shut up, sucker!
Wait, wait. Stop, Gagarin, stop.
Let me eat first, I'll give you some later.
Well, Gagarin, my boy, look...
We are eating our last can of food.
But don't be afraid.
Even if I starve to death, I won't eat you.
Don't be scared, my son.
What?
Well, well, well. Look how they stirred things up.
Wait, let me get rid of them. Then I'll make note of the events, Gagarin.
- Brother, the dogs! - Go, hide behind the trees.
God damn you!
God damn it! They broke the speaker!
Wait till you see what I'll do to you.
Stop!
Who are you?
Crap! Just what we needed...
Are you Turkish?
Why are you swearing? I'm Azerbaijani.
The game is over. Drop your weapons!
Would you like to help out a friend, brother?
Quick, come with me.
Hold it! Lift it up, lift, lift!
Go, go, hurry!
Thanks, brother.
Go, go!
COLD WAR
- God bless you, brother. - Don't mention it.
It's against the military code,...
...but I won't leave my brother in dire straits.
- Are you a soldier? - Yes, I'm a sergeant major.
The Soviet Army. Kenan Memedov.
- He's a Soviet soldier. - A Soviet soldier?
Brother, he says Soviet.
I hope we don't get in trouble because of communism or something.
Trouble? What more could happen to us? Is a meteor going to hit our asses?
You are a godsend, brother. We came across a maniac.
He let us go into the forest and made us his prey. Give us a hand.
- Let's strike back with tanks and rifles. - First, let me write this all down.
Obviously, according to the military code, I must take notes.
One woman,...
...two pimps.
- Pimp... Is that it? - It means something else in their language.
Are you going to help us?
I have a mission here. I guard this Soviet missile you see over there.
- There is no Soviet Union anymore. - What?
The Soviet Union has broken up. For how long have you been here?
I've been here since 1988.
I can't believe what's happening to me.
When did it break up?
I was wondering why no one called me.
Look at the cans of food I ate!
I do all this reporting, and not even one light blinks.
So, I'm left here alone with Gagarin, huh?
- Will you help us "dear brother"? - "Dear brother"? How lovely!
Are you going to help us?
I don't know anything about being a soldier.
I was in the Red Army Choir.
- Is that you? - Let me see.
Yes, I was young back then.
This is me with the choir.
Look, these are our tenors. Wow...
Boris!
- Who? What do you mean, "Boris"? - It's him!
No way, that's Vlademir Dokumov.
May he rot in hell.
- Isn't that Boris? - It looks a lot like him.
It is him!
This is Boris! Commander Kenan, are you sure?
This is the guy who let us into the forest, Boris Mancov.
Not a chance, he's the famous Vlademir Dokumov.
He had the highest pitch in the chorus, he used to bring the house down.
When we sang "Kalinka", as soon as he said "Kalin",...
...the audience would start crying.
We did many tours. Berlin, Prague, Beijing, Budapest.
Then, he found the choir salary insufficient. And they tricked Vlademir.
They made him smuggle uranium internationally in exchange for money.
He went as a singer...
Yeah, this is a known phenomenon. They say the same thing about Izzet Altinmese.
I love that guy. What do they say about him?
That for years, under the pretense of touring, he was smuggling plutonium.
- How come? - Well, let's say he's going to Cologne.
Izzet jumps on a plane or a bus.
He goes to Germany for a concert.
They say he worked with the Russians.
The guys come to him and offer plutonium, uranium or whatever.
It's a mystery how he carries it,...
...how he passes through airport security and customs.
For instance, he takes a break during the show. It's all pre-arranged.
The buyers come.
They say "Izzet, where's the product?" Izzet says "I have it on me."
They obtain it from Izzet very professionally.
God forbid, there's radiation and whatnot.
Izzet is taking a huge risk, both with his art and health.
Then, the deal is done, money is handed over, etc.
Izzet's job is done. Then, if it's Munich, he goes to the Munich concert.
While you sing along at the concert, there's a lot more going on behind the scenes.
This is an urban myth, of course, but they use singers this way.
One day, we went to Cuba.
He was running around all sweaty, with a dufflebag in his hand.
We did a show.
We even sang a song from Baris Manço.
Then, he disappeared once again.
What they say is,...
...there was a formula in the bag that made people carefree.
Worth a billion dollars. Vlademir, of course, was tempted by this.
He vanished with the bag in his hand.
- Wow! - Yes, this is exactly what Boris sells.
That's why he throws these hunting parties.
He invites people and sells them this biological weapon.
That bastard! Look who he turned out to be.
He's a devious rat.
The choir broke apart because of him.
They exiled me here.
Brother!
Boris Mançov... Baris Manço!
Well done, this wouldn't even occur to the devil, how did you catch it?
- Excuse me, may I use the bathroom? - Sure.
The toilet's here, there you go.
Who is this lady?
Let's say she's closely acquainted with Boris Mancov.
- Did you ask if she has a friend? - She doesn't, dear brother, she doesn't.
She has no friend, no.
We have looked everywhere, but we couldn't find them, sir.
What do you think?
They don't seem like people you can shoot and kill.
I say let's go directly to the target.
I listen to music here. Classical, pop, Turkish records...
Your pal is sleeping like a corpse.
And this is my bed, my books.
Come, let me give you some tea.
It's contraband, but it's good.
Commander Kenan.
For the sake of all these years you spent here,...
...will you help us play a trick on this Boris Mançov?
Don't you worry, we'll get the best of him.
I have an idea, but...
Which of Baris Manço's records do you have?
I have a few, which one do you need?
I don't know, "My Friend the Donkey" maybe.
I'm looking for something from the past that will move him.
Who is this?
It's Barış Manço.
I know it's Barış Manço.
I mean, who's playing this music?
They're coming, brother.
We found their hiding place, sir.
Search it thoroughly!
A lovely day in the forest, like in the fairy tale.
Little red riding hood, the wolf and the hunter.
Did you like the song, Vlademir Dokumov?
I did, but the record needs to be changed.
Veronica, come here.
Boris, let these people go. Enough.
I get it, you're an important man with eclectic tastes.
You have the world in your hands, but not everyone is as carefree as you.
Get us a helicopter to take us to Turkey,...
...and the girl is yours.
I can even give you a lift to Alibeykoy.
Where the hell did Alibeykoy come from?
Doesn't your mother live in Alibeykoy?
Press play and watch.
Hello.
This thing you see beside me is a U-17 missile.
And it's locked on target.
This is a missile that can destroy an entire neighborhood,...
...and now, it's directed towards the house of Mr. Senay's mom, Hayriye.
Let's see if Senay is a good son.
We'll see. After a short break.
The son of a bitch targeted my mom with a missile.
Don't swear at my mom!
What would an old lady do with a missile?
Veronica!
I'm going, Senay.
Go, babe, we have no other choice.
There's no one like one's mother.
You are truely a monster, you can't be human!
When is this going to end? I can't take it anymore!
Do you hear me?
Is that where they came out from?
Make sure they won't, ever again!
Are you alright son? They shot your friend. I couldn't make it on time.
- Look at those bastards! - What kind of a man is this?
Find out her connection with those men.
Everyone knows who you are! You know it too!
I'll listen to your story later. Take her!
This song cannot be a coincidence.
I'm heading off to Moscow.
Tell the pilot to get ready.
I dedicated thirty years of my life to this.
I'm not about to get caught by two idiots.
An that slut is going to talk!
Yes, what does the pilot say?
The plane will be ready at 11:30am, sir.
He says we can take off at 12, at best.
Damn it. Tell them to pack my bags.
Don't you worry, we'll get him.
We'll get him.
The periscope!
Close it!
- We might be outnumbered. - Leave it to me, brother.
I'm dead already.
Where the hell are you?
Ilber! Ilber, brother!
- Gagarin! - Ilber!
Gagarin!
- Comrade! - Ilber!
It all burned down! Everything's ruined!
Look!
Damn it, damn it!
- Ilber? - Gagarin!
Move your hand.
Nice.
This zombie thing has its benefits, brother, look.
You are a great hero, man, unlike many other living dead.
What did you do?
What are we going to do, brother?
What are we supposed to do, head-butt the missile?
I had promised my mom, this summer,...
...I was going to take her to the thermal springs in Afyon.
Hold on, don't sink into despair.
What is this?
Really?
Let's see if you'll like it.
One who hasn't seen others' missile, thinks his own is the biggest.
- Do you think it'll work? - It will, if we dabble with a few parts.
The battery is dead, it's not working.
This is army property. They count every single bullet.
What if we get in trouble?
- Where did you serve? - I paid a commutation fee instead.
Don't worry, you haven't paid as much as I have.
Hold this, hold it!
There's a small town a little further off the road.
Damn it!
- What? - They electrified the fence.
Don't touch!
Let go of me!
Brother, there's a tear here.
Stay with the battery! Come on, Senay.
Crouch, crouch!
Come on, son, do your thing.
I'll be right back.
What should I ask for?
Ask if they have a Phillips screwdriver.
Hello!
- How are you? - Dude, we're Turkish.
Right! I saw you at the café! What have you been up to?
Such beautiful places...
The nature, the people... It's been an awesome vacation for us.
How about you?
Man, are you alright?
I'm alright, kids! You won't believe what happened!
Do you have a Phillips screwdriver?
Would you like something to drink?
When I saw you, I was overwhelmed. You can't even imagine what's happened.
A lot has happened.
No Phillips screwdriver. Would you like something to drink?
- Yes, if no one's watching. - Yeah, you mean the cold war, right?
Brother Senay, Commander Kenan!
Here, bro.
What is it?
Here, take a look, come.
Now look!
It's charging!
- What do you think? - Good job, man! Good job!
Yep!
Now, let's enter the coordinates.
- Do you have any coins? - For luck?
No, I'll turn off the safety pin of the missile.
Let me see that.
No coins, but will this work?
- Let me see, here? - Yeah.
It worked!
So, not everything is solved with money.
Well done, boy.
This is the controller for the missile.
I was going to sell the gnomes and leave, Mancov.
But since you want to play, then let the game begin.
CHECK PLEASE!
I'm leaving. Be at the door in 5 minutes.
Oh, Veronica...
You had a short but lovely life.
Make sure no one finds her body!
- Ilber, would you like to eat him? - I would, brother. Come here, you!
Go, go, it's clear!
This place is your responsibility, mad boy.
- Yes, commander! - Come, Senay, come.
How can you kill innocent people?
Go save the girl, I'll deal with Boris.
The air is humid, I think it'll rain.
Be careful.
You'll pay for your filthy games when the time comes.
Not even money can save you.
Cut the crap!
Killing me won't change anything.
Senay!
- Hello, neighbor! - I don't think so.
Senay!
No, babe, now is not the time or place to kiss.
Senay!
When have I been knocked out with a single bottle?
That bastard! He almost broke my glasses.
Ladies, go back inside, go ahead. Go, go.
Don't move!
Come on, shoot me!
- What the fuck are you? - Look at this.
Man, will you fucking quit swearing in front of the girl?
- Are you alright? - I'm okay, babe.
Bravo!
It takes balls to enter a well-guarded house like this.
I served in the Red Army.
- Azerbaijani, huh? Okay. - Do you remember me?
I do, Kenan Memedov.
I remember, now get the hell out of here.
You had a beautiful voice.
It was a gift from God.
What kind of a person have you become?
- Why are you messing with the world? - What else should I have done?
Sing songs at weddings?
I haven't seen my country for thirty years.
I cannot get on stage and sing a single note.
It's all because of you.
I sell people happiness. Do you see this?
This is a formula that makes people happy.
The countries that I sell this to become trouble free.
What's wrong with that?
You turned into a robot,...
...so you'll turn the whole population into robots, is that it?
In fact, worry is good.
Shut down the missile that is locked on to the boy!
Shut that missile down, or we'll all be history.
What missile, man?
Would I waste a million-dollar missile on a guy worth only a nickel?
- I'm a businessman. - If you don't waste it, I will waste you.
And you aren't even worth a penny. I said, shut that thing down!
Put that gun down. There's no missile, it's a decoy.
- I said, shut that missile down! - Kenan!
- Look at me, shut it down! - Kenan!
- Shut the missile down! - Don't do it, Kenan!
Thanks, may the souls of your beloved ones rest in peace.
- Do it or I'll detonate! - Man, there's no missile!
- Don't do it Kenan, don't! - Shut it down!
Are you shaking the table?
It's not working.
So, the thirty-year-old missile has broken down, huh?
Don't move!
Commander Kenan!
The missile is a sham.
Every businessman has a notebook where he writes down his sins.
Come on!
He wrote down all the countries where he sold the product.
Is Turkey among them?
Why would he sell us carefreeness? We're carefree enough to pay 5 liras for gas.
You can't run, Boris Mancov, you can't!
Didn't you die? What the hell are you?
I am a soul made out of dirt. Just like you.
Boris Mançov, shall we say "game over"?
Brother.
Don't come any closer!
- Stay away! - Don't shoot, brother. There's a bomb.
You don't know anything.
Who's going to defeat me, huh? You guys?
Two lousy tradesmen, one retired soldier,...
...who is also a bad singer, and a skinny little girl?
You put it very nicely, it's a lovely mosaic.
I'm electrified by him. How about you guys?
Do you know the name of the gnome in your hand, Mançov?
- Nope. - It's Dipshit.
I told you there was a crack in the gnome,...
...but you went ahead and wired it with electricity. And now, it has short-circuited.
We will ask you a few questions at the Interpol Headquarters.
But don't worry, it's only a formality.
- We'll contact you tomorrow, alright? - Yes, okay.
- Are you guys alright? - Yes, brother.
Oh, there's no pulse!
The device must be broken.
Here, officer, here is the proof of Boris Mançov's filthy trade.
Thanks, Mr. Senay. Today is our happiest day as an agency.
The world has gotten rid of a scumbag.
I hope we haven't done anything to misrepresent our country.
You'll read all about that in my book. Now cut the crap and...
...arrange for a helicopter to take me to Istanbul tomorrow.
- You're going back to Istanbul? - Yes, I'm going back to Istanbul.
Istanbul is heaven, man.
Istanbul is heaven.
Easy, easy!
We gave you the best ones. Our contact information is on the bottom.
If you need anything, call us whenever you want.
Sir!
- Thank you for your cooperation. - Thank you.
So, no more Europe for you?
Let me tell you, Kenan, I learned one thing:
No matter where you face, even Europe,...
...your ass is always behind you.
Senay!
How Senay help you?
Say hello to Istanbul for me, okay?
I will. Why don't you come to Istanbul?
You could maybe get a part in a TV series or something.
But I have an accent.
Better yet, you'd be number one.
- Okay, bye bye. - Bye bye.
I want to ask you something.
Do you have a friend?
Nope.
- See you. - See you.
Mr. Senay, congratulations on our new contract.
- We're always open to such innovative ideas. - Thank you, sir.
You'll have your 10.000 gnomes delivered next week.
Osman, come here.
Mr. Senay, would you kindly present our new product to Mr. Osman?
Yes, sir, gladly.
Yes, during the R&D work we did in Europe,...
...we added an innovative feature to the gnomes, we electrified them.
And we made them sensitive to sound and music.
Now, Senay Gnomery presents Ali Baba and the 7 Gnomes!
- Are you ready? - I'm ready, brother.