Stop the vehicle immediately.
Stop it right there.
I repeat, pull over.
I am giving you a direction to stop the vehicle.
Failure to comply with my direction is an offense.
Stop the tractor.
You are under arrest for trespass
and theft of a conveyance.
Stop being a dickhead and pull over.
I can't, mate. I'm trying to get to the airport.
OK, OK.
Ahh!
Sorry.
My dad has a saying.
A lie begins in the soul
and then travels the world.
There have been three lies that have shaped my life.
The first is the one that saved my father's life before I was born.
Mahdi! Baathists! Run!
Mother, go!
Mahdi, come with us.
I can't leave my mother.
Mother, you must go!
No, take me!
-He's a good boy. -Mother, no!
Leave her!
He was arrested by Saddam Hussein's men for opposing the dictator.
He would have been killed,
had it not been for his friends posing as prison guards.
Mahdi.
They escaped by crossing the border to Iran.
Surely, that was a good lie?
I mean, without it,
I wouldn't even be here today.
The second lie was us believing
we could have a life as Iraqis in Iran.
Whoa, Ali, look.
Persian girls are hot.
Move over. My turn.
Did you see that?
She just flashed me.
You godless Arab donkey!
She fell into my eye, I promise!
Ali, look over there.
Where? I can't see anything.
Behind the door.
God! She has red hair!
You lying Arab donkey. Again? I should send you back to Saddam!
I wasn't looking! I swear on the Prophet!
Eventually, we realized we were never going to make it in Iran.
We have just flown out of Iranian airspace
and can now serve alcohol in all cabins.
So please, sit back and enjoy our in-flight service to Melbourne.
So it begins.
Swap.
This leads to my third lie, my biggest lie.
Do I look like someone who eats bacon?
And as you and God are my witnesses...
Come Judgment Day, you answer.
Today, this lie must end.
Today, I will tell you the whole truth.
Prayer has started.
Kill them, Bombers! Kill them!
God be with you, Watson. Run!
-Goal! -Yes, come on Bombers.
Ali, study.
-Mineralocorticoids... -God is with us!
Om Hassan.
Remember Yaqoub,
from my village?
Mustafa found him here, in the detention center.
Yaqoub knows the guy
who supplies my cousin Jaasem’s shop in Basra.
Beep beep. Mafia coming through.
-Om Hassan. -Wait, Mohammed.
-Mum, don't worry. -What are you doing?
The supplier told Yaqoub he...
Om Hassan.
Please listen.
The supplier told Yaqoub,
he saw my mother.
My mother. Alive.
-Still alive? -In Basra.
-Grandmother is alive? -Ali, study.
Thank God.
I may finally have a mother-in-law.
God willing.
One week to go, son.
Keep doing what you're doing.
You will reap rewards.
Come on, Bombers.
Top student.
-Prayer has started. -This is the last quarter.
-What's this? -Adult science. You wouldn't know it.
What is it?
If you must know, it's the pancreas.
-Om Hassan. -Lucky guess.
Go away, Ramona.
♪ Tick tock, tick tock♪
♪ Will you pass?♪
♪ Will you not?♪
Tackle.
Baba.
Bring your mother and your costume for the play.
Why did we choose the Bombers? All they do is tear my heart apart.
Like you.
In the time of the Bani Umayyah empire,
the prince and his treasurer were walking along,
when they came across an old man,
planting a date seed.
This date seed will only bear fruit after your death.
What will you gain?
Old men have planted before me
and I have eaten their fruit.
The prince was very moved by this.
He turned to his treasurer and said...
Wow, old man, you are so--
Ali, son. No improvising, please.
Sorry.
Sister, please.
-And replied: -Exalted one. You suggest...
Jamal's parents came last week to ask for her hand,
and they did not get to drink the tea.
-Mum. -What?
Thank you, Yomna.
The prince turned to his treasurer
signaling for another purse.
I'm signaling for another purse.
But this time his treasurer put up his hand and said:
Enough wisdom.
This damn date seed will bankrupt our kingdom.
He thinks this place is a theater for making jokes,
and they pay him, and I'm the one driving a taxi.
Brothers and sisters.
We do not know what fruit our seeds will bear.
But if our hearts
and intentions are pure,
the rewards can be a thousand times what we expect.
Auditions for this year's musical
will be held after Friday prayer.
Will we encore our hit show, The Prophet's Last Battle?
I still know my lines.
Hajjina, we have been singing about the Prophet's battle
for three years now.
This year, inshallah, I will write a more...
contemporary musical.
I'm tingling with anticipation.
The Trial of Saddam Hussein.
It will be comedy.
The man caused us so much pain.
Believe me, now he will make us laugh.
What brilliance.
Sheikhna!
You follow in the steps of a great man.
May you draw upon his wisdom for your exam.
-Ayoob. -Yeah.
That's her.
Who?
I'm going to talk to her.
Not here.
Ali, no.
I'll get the jumper leads from my car. I'll help you.
Yes, please. Jumper leads.
OK. Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Will you be wanting milk tonight?
Ali, my boy,
I missed your father's wisdom?
Just by an hour.
It's not my fault. I blame my wives.
Especially that one.
The tall one.
She has to stop for Nando's,
and she left the damn headlights on.
What are you doing?
Ali.
Eyes here.
Jumper leads!
I hope you're ready for the big exam, son of the cleric.
Jumper leads!
-Man, you won't get into medicine. -Yes, I will.
-I got a degree in science, didn't I? -Just.
They gave him a science degree too.
Yeah, but he hasn't spent the last year studying for the entrance exam.
Have you?
Look man, I'm physically, emotionally and spiritually ready
to sit this goddamn exam.
Do you even want to do medicine?
He has to sit the exam.
I'm a forklift driver. My father makes me sit the exam.
Except I'm smart enough to know I'm stupid.
-Put it back. -Twinnies.
I don't want to know. Reseal it.
Hey, is that the one?
Oh yeah.
Tonight's the night. I'm going to talk to her.
-You already did. -Yeah, we had a great conversation.
-But this is the next level. -Ali.
Don't do the stupid voice. No one gets it.
Good evening.
I see you came for the milk.
And I've got something special to show you.
Or a special that we have.
The Chupa Chups. They're on special.
Not a special. Ten for five dollars.
So if I spend $50, you'd give me 100?
We don't have that many in stock.
It's a pity. That's all I wanted.
Do you need a hand carrying these to your father's shop?
-It's two bottles. -So you're OK?
Yeah, I'm OK.
Are you sure you don't want the president of Iraq
to help you carry the milk bottles?
Dictator.
That was Saddam Hussein's voice.
-You can Google it. -I don't think I will be.
-You sitting the medical entrance exam? -Yeah. I'm going to be a doctor.
Charlie.
My name's Ali, but this is the Aussie version, so it's Charlie.
Yeah, I know who you are, son of the cleric.
And I know who you are, Dianne.
You're the daughter of the fish and chip man.
Thanks. It's how I like to be remembered.
Just put it on the account, will you?
-Hooroo! -Sayonara!
Salaam alaikum!
You idiots. You just ruined it for me.
Yeah, I ruined it for you.
It wasn't the Saddam voice that killed it.
-You need to get married, like me. -You got married by mistake.
-Did you knock her up? -It's a damn tea ceremony.
It's a minefield.
Turks do it different to Persians. They do it different to us.
-How do you guys do it? -It doesn't matter. The sex is the same.
Unbelievable, man.
And my wife reckons I'm starting to get the hang of it.
You animal.
Retroperitoneal...
Baba?
-Thinking about your big exam? -Of course.
I found this.
Hassan's initials.
I put it on when he won the math prize in Abadan.
I remember that.
He would have made a great doctor.
It may not bring you luck, but it might bring you comfort.
Come. Breakfast.
Cinema? Are you crazy?
It's genius!
We join a random family and sit next to their daughters.
What if the film is no good?
Who cares about the film? Girls!
Ali, look at what I found!
[land mine clicks[
Ali!
Charlie.
Hey.
You never told me you were doing medicine.
Didn't know I needed your permission.
No, I mean we could have studied together.
Pst.
I got your Chupa Chups in.
I'm about to do a seven-hour exam.
Stop talking.
Ali.
Hey, Luay.
Good luck.
Yeah, you too.
Baba habib.
My leader, you are gracious to spare this time.
-For such a foolish man. -Please, Hajjina.
Ali will serve as witness.
What are you doing? That's my racket, you idiot.
We must all take a leaf out of this family's book.
Your children have self-respect.
This house is exactly as we have come to know of the Prophet.
We are all beneath God's wide...
generous shadow, but...
Please.
-To your issue. -Sheikhna.
The last day of Ramadan,
I coached soccer all day.
No water, no food. 100 degrees.
And I come home and she has burnt the lamb.
The baklava is like concrete.
Tea, Haj?
Even within this house there is the occasional angry word.
No, my leader.
In my anger, I divorced her three times.
-You said the words three times? -More.
It was more.
Unfortunately, you are from the Hanafi faith
and once you say to God,
"I divorce my wife," three times...
there is no going back.
I lost the most beautiful woman in the world
over a piece of baklava.
To be clear.
When you uttered the words, "I divorce you,"
did you say, "I divorce you," and then have a shower?
And then come out and say it again?
And take a walk, and say it again for a third time?
I said it all in one terrible moment,
that will haunt me for eternity.
So, it was one thought.
A continuum.
A singularity.
What do you mean, my leader?
In soccer, when Ali kicks a goal,
the crowd cry, "Goal, goal, goal!"
But how many goals has Ali kicked?
-One. -One thought.
One divorce.
Go to your wife and commit to her with all your heart.
Even to the baklava.
You have saved my family.
May you grow in his shadow
and guide us all,
and with a good wife by your side.
See you at rehearsals, Ali.
♪ Sheikh has once again saved my life♪
♪ Now I get to go back to my wife♪
Can you make your own laws, Dad?
Believe me.
Even the Prophet would not have wanted a divorce.
No man is complete without marriage.
But tell me.
How was your exam?
Good.
-You got a top mark? -Guaranteed.
Have you told Dad you're fucked?
You won't even get 80, man.
You don't know that for sure. I answered all the questions.
You know I love you, bro?
Stop pretending you're like the old man.
You and I both know we'll never be as good as him.
Johnno, you fucking dickhead. You're cleaning that, asshole.
Mohammed.
This is my job, Dad. I have to speak Australian.
Get me the fucking keys to the car you were meant to put there.
Please.
Dad.
We're meant to believe in miracles? They do happen?
There is a riddle.
A bridge is about to collapse.
Any weight, it would crumble...
What is this?
Your temporary transport.
Hey, mate. Don't put it in.
Please God, prove your existence.
Hey, Ali.
Ali, hurry.
Seyyed Ghaffar has thrown a barbecue party for his son.
Young Luay got 96 for his exam!
96,2. But what is a number?
I'm sure your family will throw an even bigger celebration.
I have to speak to my father. Is he inside?
Our leader is giving brother Qais comfort.
Marital problems.
-Finally, someone who's not a taxi driver. -Please.
My son and I are merely slaves of God.
If my son becomes a doctor,
and serves this community,
it is not because of my genes or my endless hours of schooling.
It is...
Him.
Ali. My good friend.
University of Melbourne, here we come.
96,2, huh?
Maybe we should not be so vocal in our celebration.
We must remember, not all can bask under God's glory
I bet you Ali did extremely well.
-I bet the same. -If the Prophet hadn't banned gambling...
I would bet my entire house
that Ali would have a higher score than Luay.
So...
-Enlighten us, Ali. -Come on, Ali. Tell us.
-The suspense is tingling me. -Let's hear it.
There is no man alive smarter than his father.
Maybe only his son.
I got 96 also.
Point 4.
I would have won a house.
Baba.
What is this I hear?
What is this they are saying at the mosque?
Ninety-six point four.
Praise be to God.
Ninety-six point four!
I was worried you'd struggle to get 90.
All the years fighting in the war,
dragging my family from one hell to another...
My dumb brother is a genius.
My brother's a genius. A genius.
My dumb brother's a genius.
Handsome son.
- You are too gorgeous to be a doctor. - Yes? I'm with him now.
Here's to rid the evil eye.
Mum.
We have also ordered a dozen sheep from the abattoir, as an offering.
Oh, no.
I don't want the sheep to die for no reason.
-No reason? -Free them instead.
Wait until everyone hears back home.
Hears that my son is finally a doctor.
♪ Where's my brother, Ali? You'll find him in the library♪
- ♪ You'll find him in the library♪ - Guys, just one second.
Please, be quiet.
Be quiet!
I don't want to make a big deal out of this.
You, no fuss. No fuss.
The next student is Jamal Hilfi.
Unbelievable, man.
I thought you were as dumb as me. I got 68,9.
Your father must be over the moon.
...accepted into the paramedic course.
Paramedic may sound like a fancy name for nurses driving vans,
but more important is that we serve the Almighty Creator.
Next to sit the entrance exam,
this humble slave's very own son, Luay.
A score of 96,2.
And easily accepted into medicine at Melbourne University.
Luay, you are his holy seed.
Next on the list is Ayoob Maithan.
Oh dear.
Ayoob... with a score of 68,9.
No gift for you, Ayoob.
Some of our sisters are on the list too,
and one of them has achieved a...
reasonable score.
Indeed. 99,1.
Wow. Mashallah. Praise be to God.
She's also been accepted into medicine at Melbourne University,
and if her father is willing to turn his back
from the way of the Prophet
and let her go to the university and mix with Westerners...
I hear she wears ripped jeans.
-And our revered cleric's son... -My son is next. Get ready.
...got a score of 96,4.
Good on you, Ali, and to everyone who succeeded.
Congratulations to our sisters on their scores.
Notably, our top student.
And if you were my daughter, I would be very proud.
Ali! Number one!
He's a tiger!
He's a wolf!
He's a lion!
A speech!
Top student!
Looking at your face is worship.
The greatest son of the greatest cleric!
Brothers and sisters... Don't use the echo.
Brothers and sisters.
First of all,
I must congratulate our sister,
the true top student.
-But you! -You're a genius, bro.
Brothers and sisters.
Surely, we are all equal.
There's a funny thing that the English say.
"You say potato,
I say pot-ah-to."
Let's say, for example, I got 96,4...
or 68,5.
That could never happen!
I would have won a house!
Brothers, what I mean is,
I'd be the same person standing before you today.
Flesh and blood.
My heart would still pump blood--
Already he enlightens us with medical terminology.
Thank you.
♪ Ali, you are the son of the cleric♪
♪ And through your father's noble blood♪
♪ You will do medicine♪
♪ And fill us out free prescriptions♪
Tell me,
if you had a patient who was a Jew...
-Would you treat him? -Of course.
Good. Good boy!
What is most important to you?
Intelligence, appearance, or cleaning skill?
-What? -Apart from wealth.
As a doctor, you will make great money.
Forget it, I will sort it out. Cleaning, I think.
Ask him, father.
Ali baba.
We need a copy of your results.
Not because we doubt you,
but we want to frame it and decorate the mosque with your glory.
You failed, didn't you?
I got 68,5.
-You have to tell Dad. -Are you crazy?
It'll destroy the family.
-Dad's reputation. -Am I crazy?
You just told the biggest lie in the world.
What were you thinking?
I'm the smart one, like Dad.
I'm going to be the doctor.
You're the idiot who has to sort this out.
What was that?
What?
Come on. That all you've got?
Hey. The queen.
99,1, huh?
Potato, pot-ah-to. What's in a score?
Well done.
See, I knew you were brilliant.
You're our top student.
-Really? You think that? -Yeah.
Well done and a million well dones.
Hey, we're going to do medicine together.
I won't be doing it.
Why not?
Your dad, right?
I told him our community needed a Muslim to look after our women, but...
he won't move.
Di, we've got to go.
Look, he'd have a heart attack if he found out I played basketball.
You know, Charlie?
You and your dad were the only ones that congratulated me on my score.
Come on, D.
Dianne.
Yeah?
Yeah, I did that already.
-How are you? Good? -All right.
Five potato cakes, thanks.
How is our beloved cleric?
He's starting to get the aches,
but as soon as I'm a doctor, I'll fix him.
Perhaps you will fix me too?
My shoulder, my knee... You don't want to know.
Yeah, and Western doctors don't understand the Arab body.
They know nothing.
Stop bowling wides.
How many runs are we chasing?
Do you have a doctor in the family?
Only my wife's family in Mesr.
In Egypt.
Rest her soul.
And here...
I only have my daughter.
Then you need to find someone.
Urgent.
My Uncle Adnan...
He was written off by every Western doctor in the country,
but praise be to God,
his niece devoted her life to him.
She studied medicine...
Now, you should see him.
He's a tennis coach, fit like a bull.
LBW. Useless. Bloody bludger and useless.
Ali.
You know the universities here.
How do they say...
Horny boys.
You understand?
I'll be going to the same uni.
I could watch out for her. Tell you if I see anything.
Ali.
Your potato cakes.
Do you want chicken salt?
So...
My mother relocated from Basra to Najaf?
To Najaf?
No?
-To Baghdad. -To Baghdad.
-What's he saying? -That's why.
Is Faiq going to see her, or is he sending someone?
My mother is in Baghdad, where?
Get him to hire a car and drive.
-Say again. -It's only 500.
I can hardly hear you. Please, say it again.
Ali, cut the noise. Your father can't hear anything.
Om Hassan, I can't hear anything
because I have a mad woman standing next to me.
-Talk. -Faiq?
Hello?
I lost the line.
Try again.
Dad, maybe I should drive.
It has a sport gearbox and an unusual clutch.
Turn right here.
Dad, I have to tell you.
I'm not as...
-I'm not as clever as everybody thinks. -I apologize!
I didn't know you owned the road.
This has been the week from God.
My mother is alive, the play will begin soon,
and you are to be a doctor.
No, Dad. What I meant...
Dad, can you get out of first?
No, we are here.
Give Barbie back her car, you wanker.
Good on you, mate.
If only God would let me raise it back at you.
Dad, the mechanic's back that way. What are we doing here?
There are many paths in life, Ali.
Sheikhna.
-Hajjina. -Wow.
-What a surprise. -A surprise indeed.
You know our daughter, Yomna.
She is, as you describe her...
The pride of your eye.
This is the doctor in the flesh.
Say hello.
Hello.
G'day.
Dad, you're in a "No Standing" zone.
We are sitting.
-Sheikhna. -Hajjina.
I'll see you at training, Ali.
Wow.
She's nice, don't you think?
I don't know, Dad. Probably.
Yeah.
What did I press here?
Where's Dad?
-I have to speak to him. -No.
-I have to tell him the truth. -Ali, no.
Hey, Dad.
He's just learned his mother has died.
Oh, Dad.
She had a heart attack.
It would have been nice if she knew I was still alive.
She knew. I'm sure she knew.
Come, let's give your father some space.
That really sucks, Dad.
To God we belong and to Him we return.
She would have been so proud of you, son.
-You're seriously doing this? -I can make this work.
I'll sit in all the lectures, study for a year,
resit the exam fully prepared.
You're an idiot.
Baba Ali.
Let the journey begin.
Go and return with health my son.
Yeah, lots of healthy shit, bro.
Good luck.
Thanks, guys.
Hello, Charlie.
The queen.
All hail. You made it.
I wanted to thank you.
It's because of you I'm here.
Every Arab man has a medical condition he wants looked into.
Mind you, I have to find a cure for arthritis by the end of the year.
No pressure.
I should go in.
Ali.
Luay.
Shall we?
We shall.
The plasmalemma, otherwise termed the cell membrane,
is composed of phospholipids, proteins,
glycolipids, and cholesterol.
The plasmalemma is called the phospholipid bilayer
because its phospholipids have two distinct layers,
and the molecules lie so that the heads are at the surface
and the tails are on the inside.
♪ I'm down in a hole You ask me why? ♪
♪ Smoking ganja and getting high♪
♪ Getting high Getting high♪
♪ It all started with a lie♪
♪ Go, America F you, goodbye♪
♪ Getting high Getting high♪
♪ Our president is getting high♪
Stop there, please. Stop.
Very good.
I think we need to make the dance less suggestive.
Can I speak with the Baathists, please?
Sheikhna, should I shave the beard?
Allahu Akbar. I am Saddam...
Ali.
So what did you think of today's...
immunoglobulin genetic diversity lecture?
I found it...
intense.
You know, we might...
travel to uni together sometimes?
Swap notes?
Great.
Test each other.
Great.
Thank you.
After you.
No, after you.
But, you're to my right.
Now you're to my right.
But, you...
You two dancing, or are you in this tute?
Yeah.
No, they swapped me over into this so...
I am looking for my son, the doctor. Ali Albasri.
Call him for me.
You know how we've been talking, student to student?
I thought maybe we could talk male to female, you know? Speak speak.
I mean, not now, but when you're ready.
How would you know when I'm ready?
Morning all.
Morning.
Right, everyone.
-Alicia, here, is Patient X. -Hi.
I need a volunteer to take her case history.
You. Briefcase.
Your face is not familiar.
Yeah, I was swapped over.
Ali.
OK, Ali. Come down.
This is a 26-year-old female
who comes into the GP Clinic.
You're a second-year GP intern.
Take her history.
-So, I'm the doctor? -You're the doctor.
-Good afternoon, Alicia. -Afternoon.
Thanks for coming to my clinic.
What seems to be the problem this afternoon?
I have a really weird discharge.
Huh.
That's no good.
Not good.
What do you mean, he's not on the list? He was first at the mosque to get in.
-I'll find him myself. -Sorry, you can't go in there.
So with the discharge,
did you see it first, smell it, or hear it?
I saw it, and then I smelled it,
but it didn't make a noise.
Come.
Oh, shit.
No wonder we couldn't find him. He is operating. See?
These people say they don't know you.
-Is this your teacher? -Sorry. Family emergency.
-Is he a good teacher? -He's one of the greats, Mum.
OK. Back up here.
Our two families are having tea.
You need to dress up.
Hello, Ayoob? Hey, bro.
With this tea ceremony, what do I do not to get married?
Spoon in? Spoon out?
Do I drink the tea? Not drink the tea?
Relax... but listen carefully.
So, you grab the sugar.
-I thought ours didn't have the sugar? -No, it does. Oh, wait...
Look, forget the sugar for the moment.
The most important thing is when you drink the tea...
-OK, so when do I drink the tea? -Unbelievable, man.
Ayoob?
If you don't want to get married, Ali... Oh my--
When do I drink the tea?
No!
Don't operate until I see her.
And how is the play?
Oh, excellent.
My Ali is very gifted.
Although his primary concern, as you have witnessed firsthand,
is to be a great surgeon one day.
-That is so balanced of him. -Indeed.
He plays five instruments.
I must say,
I never thought of Saddam Hussein as being this handsome.
Really, it was an issue.
Saddam was an ugly, fat man, and my boy, well...
-You can see with your eyes. -Indeed.
My own daughter.
I wish she could hide her beauty behind a false mustache.
Speaking of my angel.
-She is beautiful. -Of course.
Sheikhna.
Please, try my baklava.
Thank you, Yomna.
He drinks the tea, before I have given my approval.
The boy is so eager to marry.
It is done.
My doctor son is engaged.
Very unorthodox with the sugar business,
but we are here.
A thousand blessings on our newly engaged couple.
Two faiths, under one roof.
You are quiet.
Our son is speechless with joy.
I will call everybody tonight.
You liked the tea?
It was tea.
That will show all those women who thought you would be single forever.
Or worse.
It's my degree.
How can I be a proper husband when I'm studying?
You father fought in a war, studied for two decades,
and fathered four children all at once.
Mom, I'm not as good as Dad. I need to focus.
Maybe he is right. After all, this is Australia.
People only do one thing at a time.
Perhaps I could convince Haj Karim and the other witnesses
to hold off the announcement.
Maybe the end of your first year is better.
And you, no calls.
Just three calls.
No, not even half a call.
Woman.
The son of the cleric says he's in tutorials with you.
My name's Dianne.
Is it true?
Completely. My name is Dianne, see?
Is it true, Dianne?
-What, you want 100 points of ID? -Is it true he's in tutorials with you?
He. You mean Ali?
What do you have against him?
I have worked...
day and night to get where I am.
I deserve to be here.
I don't like to see the son of the cleric getting an easy ride.
He's not a good Muslim.
You should know that.
So, I will ask you again...
is he in tutorials with you, as he says he is?
Dianne.
Yeah, he comes to every session.
And he's the second smartest student in my class, Luay.
Why did you do the "potato pot-ah-to" speech at the mosque?
It was a spontaneous speech.
You didn't get 96,4, did you?
-It's complicated. -What are you doing here?
I'm doing the study, just... not enrolled.
What, so in six years you're gonna become a pretend doctor,
and treat pretend patients?
The Prophet said it's not the end result,
it's the intention.
I'm doing it for my dad.
You of all people should know what it's like.
Dianne, ever since I was a kid, I was introduced as Doctor Ali this,
and Surgeon Ali that.
I didn't have the guts to tell him I was Moron Ali,
and now I have to carry this.
-A briefcase? -It's my older brother's.
He was the smart one.
He should have been the great surgeon,
but instead he had to go and step on a fucking landmine.
You know what? It's...
It's my problem.
I won't bother you with it again...
We're out of milk.
How about the 100 Chupa Chups?
Charlie, do you even want to do medicine?
It doesn't matter now.
But, yes, I'd like to help people.
I'll help you.
You helped me get in.
I'll help you get in.
What's the most common disorder of the autonomic nervous system
that can impede systemic circulation?
-I know it's not good. -Great. What's it responsible for?
The heart?
Ali, the hardest thing in the world for me has been getting in. I can't waste time.
Tell me when you've studied it properly.
One of the most common disorders
is the long-standing diabetic damage to the autonomic nerves.
They call it the...
diabetic autonomic neuropathy.
Give me the physiology of what happens to your cardiovascular system
out of a warm bed.
Give me to lunchtime.
Your blood pressure would drop immediately,
and your heart would contract and beat more rapidly and vigorously,
as your arteries increase their tone,
and then your blood pressure recovers.
Like everyday when I see you.
No, Dianne. I'm sorry.
-Were you talking to her? -Yeah, about the last lecture.
Oh, the causes of cirrhosis?
-What were they again? -Why? Weren't you listening?
Alcohol abuse, viruses, Hep A, B, C...
No, not A, just B and C.
I'm really sorry. That was wrong.
I can't study with you tonight.
I understand.
I'm going to a film with my basketball team.
At 8:30. The Dorset Cinema.
Mum.
There's this girl at the mosque. Quite pious.
-She's also doing medicine. -The chick with the English name?
-Dianne, she's really nice. -The Lebanese one.
-I think her mum's Egyptian or something. -Not Iraqi?
I see her at uni sometimes--
Yes, they say her father doesn't approve, but she seems nice enough.
Listen habibi.
Layal, her son went to school with Rami and Momtaz.
She has a sinus problem. I said you'd check it out.
-What? I'm not a doctor yet. -You're as good as one.
Dianne's going to be a doctor. She could--
So, the antenna guy quotes us 200 bucks to put up the aerial.
You know what I told him?
You're just assuming I tell him to shove it up his ass? Anyway.
I'll put up the aerial myself, save you guys some cashola.
-You are the muscles of this family. -Thank you.
Brains. Muscles.
I have all the children I need.
And my fee... Let's call it 100 bucks.
-A hundred bucks. -You'd be up 100 buckaroos.
Give him $50.
-One day I'll be out of this house. -Dianne's surprisingly devout.
She was born here, wasn't she?
Yeah, but doesn't the Koran say we're all children of one earth?
Yes, but...
The Koran was written before Australia was discovered
and the Prophet didn't know about the beaches here.
You know the rumors about girls born here.
I was born here.
Your sister. She has seen things beyond her age.
Men, in bathers. People kissing on TV.
I can still hear you.
-Mohammed! -Yeah, Mum.
Get your sister to help you with the antenna.
I'm not going on the roof with that lunatic.
Mum, Dianne's different.
Ali, habibi.
Girls brought up here are like our dishwasher.
We thought we were buying it brand new,
until we found out...
it was a floor model.
And she is not right for your brother.
For Moe?
Enough. She's Lebanese.
Ramona, get up here.
You call yourself fit?
If I was the coach, I'd get you all to strip naked in the desert
and run like donkeys.
What are you doing?
I've got to go.
I've got to study.
The oil in the fryer needs changing.
We never change it.
Customers need to be served.
If I change the oil now, and serve all night, can I go?
Please. I'll be back by eight.
I'll make you Mum's tagine.
Yeah?
Everything now and back by seven.
Thank you.
I love you, Dad.
No smoking.
I know.
God help me.
I could never tell my Dad we speak speak, could you?
Mum's funny about the Lebanese.
My dad thinks Iraqis are the source of all the misery in the Middle East.
Oh.
My mum just reckons you guys ruin Middle Eastern food.
I don't know what I want.
I do.
It's so beautiful here.
You know, this is as much as we can ever do.
Yes, I know.
Leave them be. They are young.
Let his hands wander as long as seed is not spilled.
Good. Apart.
We're a very modern family here.
I'll be downstairs if you need...
Are you trying to give me diabetes?
-I heard you have a sweet tooth. -I don't have a sweet tooth.
How many children do you want?
As many as makes you happy.
Good. Then none.
What? Really?
I hate children.
They can be annoying.
They cost too much. So many nappies. Disgusting.
And you know what?
I think I might give up medicine.
Just sit and watch TV all day.
Cricket.
Test match cricket.
Also, I'm going to eat and get fat.
And I mean reality-show fat.
Well, as long as you're comfortable, I will be too.
Rings from the finest jewelers,
our gold plucked from the desert sands--
Too expensive.
I forget you are but a student, saving for the future.
What are you trying to tell me, Ali?
Two.
I'd want two kids.
At least.
And three sugars.
So this chick you're saddled with?
-She's a dog? -No.
She's beautiful. Nice, too.
-I'm struggling to see the problem. -She's not the one.
Well then, who is? Not that medical chick?
Unbelievable, man. How could you keep this from us?
-You animal. -It's weird.
When I'm with Dianne, I feel like I'm me, you know?
It's weird because you're engaged.
You can't be seen together or speak to her.
-Does Dianne know you're engaged? -Of course not.
-Call off the engagement. -I can't.
-What would people say? Your father? -I know.
Moussa’s mum, remember?
Two weeks in hospital after he called it off.
-Double unbelievable. -Can't you guys have, like, 72 wives?
♪ They think they can beat him They lie to themselves♪
♪ While they try to bomb him He plays with our girls♪
♪ While Iraq burns He plays with two girls♪
Forgot your gun.
Only two?
You know how many wives Saddam actually had?
More than you?
1,300. Temporary marriages, of course.
-Are temporary marriages even real? -Of course!
I spent my teenage years studying Koranic jurisprudence.
Some you marry for one hour,
some for a day,
and the ones with stamina, like a taxi...
you leave the meter on.
Cue Saddam Hussein.
If temporary marriages were real,
why don't all Muslims do it?
They don't know Islamic laws like I do.
There is always a loophole.
Cue Saddam Hussein 20 minutes ago.
What are you doing here? Go away.
I found a way we can be together.
Temporary marriage.
Temporary marriage? You came here just to say that?
Come on. That's just a loophole for horny Arabs.
Yeah, but it's written law.
"A man who desireth temporary marriage,
must first set a reasonable time limit, reasonable dowry,
treat the woman with dignity..."
I'm all about that.
It's not in the Koran. It's not in the text.
Yeah, but it's here.
It means we can have a proper relationship.
But, you know? Temporary.
Like Australians.
What are you two talking about?
Your daughter's asking me about a possible cure for arthritis.
Yalla, OK.
Jewell Station tomorrow at eleven o'clock.
OK?
Go. Go on.
I haven't got long. I'm supposed to be delivering these.
How does this work?
I don't know.
But once we get married we could... do things.
I could say things to you.
We can say things now.
No, like when we're alone.
I could say I like you,
and if you felt like it, you could say you like me.
OK, apart from standing around telling each other we like each other,
what else can we do?
We could go bowling.
OK, we could go bowling.
We could have ice cream together. We could go to the aquarium.
We could watch another movie.
I could put my arm around your waist this time.
How long would we be married?
Medicine's six years.
-How about we start with six weeks? -Sure. Great.
OK.
But no one can know.
I think we need two witnesses.
You look beautiful.
OK, say your vows. We're gonna catch the next train.
OK. I, Ali Dianne...
I, Ali Albasri, take Dianne Mohsen,
to be my religiously lawfully wedded wife.
-Her dowry being... -The fish and chips will do.
-Her dowry being 200 grams of snapper. -Flake.
-You don't want the snapper at our place. -Quick.
So, do you take me?
I do.
For six weeks.
-We've witnessed this solemn proceeding. -So, kiss her.
We should give this temporary marriage thing a go.
I will never, ever be caught.
Yeah!
♪ Master Saddam stay defiant♪
♪ You will never be caught♪
♪ Let the US and their allies♪
♪ Come attacking I have backing♪
♪ Yes, yes, master We have your back♪
♪ No, no, Saddam We will attack♪
All your secrets will be open.
Master Saddam, the Americans crashed through the gates. We must run.
What happened?
No!
Allahu Akbar.
Come on, Saddam.
Nuke them with your might and power.
There are no WMDs.
I had to fake it...
Till I make it.
♪ All these years he lied to us♪
♪ He lied to us He lied to us♪
No. It cannot end like this.
♪ You will be caught You will be caught♪
♪ You will be caught♪
We're going to Broadway.
Broadway? Unbelievable, man.
No!
No one said Broadway.
It is the Bin Khattabi multipurpose hall.
How does that even sound like Broadway?
It is a Muslim community hall in Detroit.
We're going to Detroit?
-Detroit. Unbelievable, man. -Yes.
Our dear friend, Dr. Hasoon Albandar...
He is the brother-in-law to the Iraqi ambassador in the US.
He saw the show and loved it.
He made one phone call
and we have been invited to perform it live in Detroit
Sheikhna, won't that mean we'll be serving the devil regime of the USA?
Luay will not be needed. Principal cast only.
So your conscience can remain guilt-free, Seyyed.
I'm not going to Detroit?
Bro, the mustache.
You've got your hair out.
And you've got a stupid mustache.
Oh yeah. Hey, listen.
-I found a way for us to stay together. -We are together.
No, together together. Forever.
The play's going to America.
-What? -Yeah.
That's amazing.
-You are so good. -Really?
I was really proud.
This is God, the author of destinies and will.
He's talking to me. He's laying out the path for us.
-Slow down, Charlie. -God wants me to disappear.
In the States, I'm going to call Dad, away from the mosque,
away from the community.
I'm gonna tell him the truth. I'm gonna stay there and not come back.
-I don't want you to go. -No, hear me out.
-I'll drop medicine-- -You were never doing medicine.
I'm going to get work there, as an actor.
Hollywood always needs people like us to play terrorists.
And then you can join me.
You come over, we get married,
and we stay there until our parents forgive us.
This sounds like one of your plans. We can't just run away.
-I'm not turning my back on medicine. -No, you mustn't.
There's great medical schools there.
-This is insane. -No, it's more than insane.
But we're Muslim. What other options have we got?
In America we can live like Australians.
Do you really want to be with me forever?
Please don't.
Please. Charlie...
Dianne. I want to marry you.
And not temporary.
Shit.
-What? -Fish bone.
Dianne.
I've never known, ever, what I've wanted, but...
This I know.
Don't you want to marry me?
What have you done with my glasses?
They'll be on his stupid head.
Please, just think about it.
I'll call you as soon as I've settled.
Tell us one more time.
We like hearing your Aussie accent.
How many times do I have to tell you? It's a musical, a comedy.
It's a funny play about Saddam Hussein.
-We don't tend to laugh at terrorism. -Terrorism?
It's on your phone.
What have you guys planted on my phone?
"We will come back and kill them."
That's not mine.
Your words.
"I'll have front row seats."
-What? -"I will watch them suffer."
"The bombers will slaughter you." Should I keep reading this obscenity?
Name the bombers.
The Bombers.
The Bombers are a footie team.
AFL.
Aussie rules. You guys have NFL here. We've got AFL.
Those were text messages I sent to my mate, Wazza.
Because he's an idiot Magpie fan.
Got to admire the guile of these guys.
They concoct a pro-American play,
sell out to a thousand crazed zealots in Detroit,
and then hide all their sicko terrorist messages
behind a football team.
Wow.
No.
I've got to be in Detroit. I've got to disappear.
It's God's plan.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
I'll ask you to fasten your seat belts.
We'll have turbulence on our descent into Melbourne.
A few bumps ahead, I'm afraid.
Ali.
I will ask you this once and once only.
All I want is a straight answer.
Are you doing medicine?
Did you get the score you told everyone you got?
Sheikhna, don't be too hard on the boy.
I was trying to let them know you were overseas
and they told me you weren't enrolled.
So naturally we thought that there must be a mistake.
But, alas.
When have I given you the impression I am your enemy?
Or worse, a dictator?
Or...
You couldn't come to me and tell me straight?
"Dad.
I failed. I'm sorry.
I tried, but not to be."
-I'm sorry, Dad. -Sorry, nothing.
You will apologize to the community.
I am done.
The Prophet has said that lying is a sin,
which burns away at the soul as fire burns through wood.
Hence,
I stand before you,
and before God,
offering my repentance.
Assalamu 'Alaikum.
We've now heard it.
Where to now? I hear everyone ask.
Sheikh Mahdi has done a reasonable job raising his children.
I don't see the need for our sheikh to step down immediately.
However, if my son had been a lying failure,
I know in my heart, I could not live with the shame.
Sheikhna, what if the boy gets married?
To atone and prove he is a man.
Abu Faisal.
Please.
It is with great pain,
I must reveal another,
yet more shocking truth.
I, unwittingly,
while driving my taxi,
stumbled upon Ali with a loose Muslim woman,
at places not consistent with our religion.
A bowling alley.
An aquarium.
The picture resolution is not perfect, but if you zoom in...
What is this fool on about? Tell me this was not you.
No!
Haj Karim.
You offered Ali your daughter's hand in marriage,
and he has betrayed her with another woman.
It helps no one to name names.
The girl knows who she is.
That's what happens when we let our women go to university.
Seyyed, please. Why are you doing this to her?
Please, sir. It's not her fault. Please.
I beg you.
Nothing improper happened. She's guiltless.
I trusted you.
You've shamed me.
It's not her fault.
You've shamed me.
I think you have said enough.
Dianne, wait.
I've never touched Yomna.
My parents, the community... They all arranged it for me.
Believe me.
Why would I do that?
You've told so many lies, you have no soul left.
Everything about you is just a lie.
No, everything except you is a lie.
Do you get what you've done, Ali?
I can't do medicine.
He's going to send me back to Lebanon.
You have fucked up my life.
-OK. I'll talk to your dad. -You've fucked up my life.
Don't talk to anyone, ever.
Sit in a cave for the rest of your life.
-Just leave me the fuck alone. -But I love you.
I absolutely hate you. I hate you.
I hate you. I divorce you.
I divorce you. I divorce you.
I divorce you. I divorce you a thousand times.
That's one continuous thought.
All this madness will soon be behind us.
Let's just get through the day.
Good boy.
Prove yourself a worthy husband to Yomna,
and all will be forgiven.
Not many girls would have forgiven you.
She has accepted you just knew the Lebanese from uni.
Mohammed.
-Yeah, Mum. -Inside.
Are you going to be OK?
Ali, you're in luck.
My dad just bought a second-hand taxi. The night shift's yours.
In two years' time, you could have the day shift.
Thanks, Ayoob.
Hey, Az, it's a good turnout.
I might say hello to your old man. What do I say? Your holiness?
Just say hi.
Take one tablet, an hour before bed.
The rocket will launch...
and keep launching.
I have already sought consent from the bride.
Ali.
Do you give consent?
I do.
Shall we begin?
Smile.
Dance. Go on, dance.
Move your seat forward, will you?
Couldn't you just get a Holden?
Are you kidding, bro? Porsche.
What's this?
Abu Ghaith's wife... He married that half-Leb, Linda.
She knows Johnno from work. Abdullah told me--
Who's the letter from?
I was to give it after you got married. I dunno.
Moe. Moe Green.
For God's sake.
♪ This car's got no walls But Moe Green's got two balls♪
♪ It's a drop top For my fat cock♪
♪ Bitches take my calls But Moe Green's got two balls♪
♪ It's a drop top For my fat cock♪
Ali.
You're married now.
Congratulations.
Yomna will make you a good wife,
as I'm sure you'll make a good husband.
I leave for Lebanon tonight.
For many days I blamed you,
but maybe medicine was not God's wish for me.
We are both trapped by family.
There is no escape route.
Just duty.
Dad thinks it'll be best for me to go away and spend time with his sisters.
At least I'll learn how to cook a good kibbeh.
It's OK, Dad.
It's OK.
-It's OK. -I failed you.
Please forgive me, habibti.
I know I divorced you, but...
our six weeks were almost up anyway.
What I didn't tell you is that they were the happiest six weeks of my life.
You're mad,
but you dared to dream,
and I will miss that.
Dianne.
Moe.
Can you pull over, bro? I need some fresh air.
-This is a convertible, bro. -Just pull over.
-We're almost there, man. -No.
Let him.
You look very beautiful.
What's he doing?
Ali, you dickhead.
No!
Drive me back.
Come on, God.
If you want me to get to Dianne, show me a real sign.
Your last few have been shit.
Thank you, God Almighty.
I'm trying to get to the airport.
And that, Your Worship, is roughly the whole story.
Actually, there's other stuff I should add--
No, Mr. Albasri.
-I've had an hour of your talking-- -Your Honor...
-And it's been riveting. -The handbrake fell off.
Yes, but you had no business being on the tractor.
And as for defrauding the university, that is hardly good character evidence.
I've already pleaded guilty.
I can do community service, you can slap me with a fine...
Anything you like.
But please.
Today's the day that Dianne flies out.
Now, Your Honor,
I'm not talking to you as a judge anymore. I'm talking to you as a human being.
Human to human.
You're a woman. You understand love.
Please. I could still make it.
Mr. Albasri,
I'm more a woman who understands the law.
If I could just borrow a car...
And I am not convinced that you understand...
-I could make it. -...the recklessness of your actions.
I find the charges proved,
but given the inordinate amount of time you've used today,
I'll adjourn until Monday for sentencing.
Got to get you back to the holding cell.
The birds in this country are not very musical.
How's Yomna?
Sad.
Embarrassed.
But possibly she's relieved.
I think I should get a divorce.
When you are only married an hour and a half,
I think it is called
an annulment,
but, to protect Yomna's dignity,
Abu Faisal came up with a useful excuse.
Yeah, good.
Everyone now thinks you are impotent.
Great.
There is always a price.
How did you part with Dianne?
She's gone.
She said, "I absolutely hate you," and divorced me a thousand times.
A good woman, you have to earn.
You'll never have the son you deserve, Dad.
I have been a very bad father.
If I have not communicated to you
how much you are loved...
then I am the failure.
I am the bad Muslim.
Because you are loved.
Without condition.
You, and your...
insane brother, your brilliant sister.
You are loved.
I thought...
I thought maybe I could go back to Iran, you know? Study medicine there.
You are not listening to me.
What do you want to do?
I just want to make you proud, Dad.
Then be proud of yourself.
There are a million ways to serve God.
This has all been part of his plan.
The exam, uni...
The wedding, prison. It's all God's plan?
I think...
I think I've got to stop blaming God for my mistakes, Dad.
It's time we gave the Almighty a break.
What's gonna happen to you at the mosque?
During the Abbasid Dynasty,
a man and his son rode on a donkey.
But once they reached the town of Kandahar the people abused them.
They said,
"Poor donkey. You make him carry two fit men."
So, the father rode, and the son walked.
But when they arrived at the next town, people cried,
'"Look at this fellow.
He drags his young defenseless boy through the desert heat,
and he enjoys the ride of a lifetime."
So in the next town, the son rode and the father walked,
but people shouted at the boy.
"You are young. You are healthy.
You make your elderly father suffer.
He is marching in the heat."
So, together, the father and his son decided to walk with their donkey.
As they passed through the next town, people laughed.
"Look at these two idiots.
Why don't they ride their donkey?"
And in every town, people criticized them.
In the end, the father said, "Stuff this."
And he and the boy carried the donkey on their back.
But...
We tie ourselves up in terrible knots,
trying to live up to the judgment of others.
So, I will not carry the donkey on my back anymore.
I have made my peace with Haj Karim, and his fine family.
Hajjina, you are a credit to this mosque, as is your daughter.
And now I will step down.
I will hand my duties over to Seyyed Ghaffar.
No!
[We don't want him.
-No, not him. -He's boring.
-He's a fake. -A shit cleric.
Who'll write our musicals? He has no stories.
We all have stupid children.
Please.
Please. Calm down. Respect the place.
Sheikh Mahdi.
You ignorant fools.
He wears the white turban.
He is nothing.
I wear the black turban.
Have you all forgotten what it means?
I am the direct descendant of the Prophet.
I am an imam too.
I studied in the seminary for 11 wretched years.
You all are beneath me.
I'm starting my own mosque.
Who will follow me?
Who?
You fools.
Sheikhna, forgive me.
Two days ago, I became engaged to his sister.
If I don't go with him, then...
But I'll be back.
Sheikh Mahdi.
She's there.
Yomna.
Yomna, I'm truly sorry.
You deserve to be loved.
And you will be.
Recording.
Hi, Dianne.
How are you?
Before you unplug me, please.
I've just got a couple of things to say, and that's it.
First...
I'm truly sorry.
Second...
I hope you're really well.
Third, and this is really my first and only point.
I love you.
I love you so much.
My marriage lasted one hour and forty minutes.
It turns out not even Muslims can marry someone when...
they've got their heart set on someone else.
Look at this.
Fifty dollars' worth.
Dianne.
Last year I went to uni every day for a whole year.
This year,
I'm going to go to the airport every single day,
and meet every single flight out of Lebanon,
just on the off chance that you're going to be on one.
You've got community service.
Shit.
I can't do Tuesdays.
I've got community service for a couple months,
but every other day...
I'm going to be there.
And you know I'm mad enough to do it.
Because...
what's my life worth,
if I can't wake up next to you every morning, and...
see you with your hair out?
Beep beep. Mafia coming through.
She's not going to show, bro. Lebs never show.
Salaam.
Sheikhna, my wife is going overseas without me.
How will I find my socks?
Who will cook me that succulent sheep's head?
Brother Qais...
It's only for two weeks.
Ramona.
Wait.
If by some miracle she comes...
A small gift from the family.
What is it?
It's a cookbook.
Iraqi.
-Not Lebanese. -Thanks, Mum
Sorry, mate. Sorry.
I'm calling from Australia,
looking for Dianne Mohsen.
Yes, I'm Iraqi.
Hello?
Mohsen, the guy who has a fish and chip store in Melbourne.
I called you yesterday.
My name's Ali. Ali Albasri.
Yeah, the impotent one.
So, tonight's the night?
I can feel it.
Good luck, my friend.
What? Privacy policy?
I just want to know if she's on the plane. That's all.
Mate, it's a matter of life and death.
No, that wasn't a threat.
She left the village?
I'll try--
Wait a minute...
She's in Beirut?
She left yesterday?
Thank you. A million thank yous.
Tonight's the night.
Hey, man. It's free.
Welcome to Melbourne International Airport.
For security reasons,
please keep your luggage with you at all times.
Any unattended luggage in the terminal
will be removed and may be destroyed.
Charlie.
Dianne.
♪ Sheikh has once again saved my life
♪ Now I get to go back to my wife♪