I'm okay!
Now where were we?
I'm hungry, baby. Got any chimichangas?
Chapter Shest'.
Monkeys?
What am I supposed to do
with a bunch of monkeys?
I need a real army.
Oh, no. They're charging.
Uh-oh, I'm feeling a little...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not today,
- Ted. Okay? - Huh?
Everyone's sick of hearing about your
bladder control issues. Enough.
Eesh! Who fear-tinkled in your breakfast parfait?
Whoa.
Should I say something?
I feel like I should, you know, say something.
- Please don't. - I gotta say something.
People of Mars.
Not on Mars.
We have come in search of an army
to help me become a king again.
The sharks seem to have volunteered you guys to be that army.
- Congrats! That's huge. - Hmm?
Full disclosure, a lot of you will probably die in the process.
Caesar.
Huh?
Hey! This dummy's not the boss.
No offense, dummy, our homie Stanislav is.
Hey, Stan! It's me!
King Julien! The lemur!
Who helped you fly back to Russia.
That one time. Remember?
Bring to camp.
We all want the secrets to success.
But achieving our goals isn't easy.
Who can show us the path to happiness?
Well, he's got all the answers.
He's your host, Fred!
This is happening.
You want more money? A better relationship with your dad?
Even more money?
Yeah!
Well, stop waiting around on your duff,
and unleash your inner scorpion.
Tell yourself, "This is happening!"
This is Jarsh-Jarsh's ultimate weapon?
I'm gonna kill that little dung beetle.
If Jarsh-Jarsh sent us here,
I'm sure he had his reasons.
He possesses the all-knowing wisdom of the universe.
Jarsh!
Welcome, friends. It's me, Pam, the mongoose.
The one who tried to marry King Julien
and kill him so I could be queen.
Yes, Pam, I remember.
Yeah, I totally beat you up.
I wouldn't say beat me up.
- I would. - Huh?
Pam really took you behind the woodshed.
Oof.
Okay, well, just, you know, agree to disagree.
I just wanna apologize for beating you up.
You didn't really...
The Pam that so savagely...
...and embarrassingly thrashed you, is not the Pam I am today.
And that's all thanks to Fred.
Let's get you signed in.
And I said, "I'm starting to think
this isn't even a real pilates studio."
How are you planning to get them to help us fight Koto?
Easy. I just crank up the KJ Charm
and they'll be eating out of my paws.
Stanimal, what's crackalackin'?
I missed you, bro.
What are you doing here on this crummy tropical island
when you have the utopian paradise of Russia to party in?
Caesar. He asks about Mother.
Caesar gooder at make talk than I.
Yeah, we need to have
a conversation about personal space.
Mother Russia did not want us.
Eesh! He's the one who's gooder at making talk around here?
Mother put chimps in the rockets and shot into space.
But after Russia not care about beating America at space,
Mother have too many monkeys.
No more Cold War.
So Russian space program
now work to get all monkeys out of Russia.
They dump us on this island
and we build new society and live here.
No one care about Russian monkeys.
Yeah! That's great, buddy.
Since your beloved motherland rejected you
like a rejectable piece of garbage,
you guys are finally free to join me
in fighting an unstoppable warlord
and saving my kingdom. It's an even better story.
Nyet. We return to Russia.
Really? After the way they treated you? Why?
To eliminate all the human
and take over the world!
Hey, sounds great.
Right after we take back my kingdom.
Hmm?
Timo's pod! Maybe Koto hasn't captured him.
Go away! Timo's not here.
I know you're in there, Timo. I'd recognize that snort anywhere.
No, it's not... It's not Timo.
It's his pet-sitter, whose name is Glarry.
Glarry? Oh, please!
Okay, fine. It is Timo.
- But I still can't open this door. - Why?
I know. I'm getting rid of him.
Go away, please. I'm not decent.
You're never decent!
Oh, listen here, Poindexter!
I'm a fugitive on the run from an evil dictator,
so I don't have time for this!
Open the freaking door!
Wow, when you put it that way...
Nope, still a no.
Open up, you!
All right.
You're buying this stuff?
Well, I wouldn't say "buying it,"
but this book does have a lot of things
that really make you think.
Plus, there is a ton of rules in here, which I love.
Something smells funny about this seminar.
Or maybe I've still got some Jarsh-Jarsh stank on me.
Are you actually skeptical of something?
Listen, I know what I'm talking about.
I've tried it all, sweat lodges, seances,
noise baths, pet psychics, alien support groups, tickle yoga.
Those things are all obviously legit,
but this doesn't seem right.
Jarsh-Jarsh sent us here to find a weapon.
Maybe the knowledge in this book is the weapon.
I mean, knowledge is power, right?
- No. Knowledge is knowledge. - Huh?
This must be another of Jarsh-Jarsh's tests.
Welcome back, everybody.
You're probably wondering about these.
Show of hands, who's wondering about these?
Hmm?
Come on, Sage. We can at least, you know, just hear him out.
You're thinking, "Is he going on a trip we weren't invited on?"
Show of hands, who's thinking that?
Well, you're all wrong.
These suitcases are my emotional baggage.
Oh!
Let's see what we've got.
Oh! Here's not feeling appreciated.
- Anyone else feel that way? - Yeah.
I never feel appreciated by King Julien.
That's for sure.
You can't be serious.
Shh! This might be important.
And what is this? Not being your parents' favorite.
Show of hands, who's not their parents' favorite?
Crimson was always my parents' favorite.
Sage, it's like he's speaking just to me!
Mm-hmm. And everyone else in here.
Notice how vague everything he says is.
It's like he's some sort of thing.
Without getting into specifics, he's like a...
...thing.
You know what I mean.
Clover, great news.
You've been promoted to Commitment Level Omicron.
The initiation starts soon. Can you believe it?
Really? Oh, cool. Let's go, Sage.
Sorry, just Clover. She's ready. You're not.
Clover, we have to stay together.
They clearly want to separate you
from your friends so they can control you more easily.
Nice try. But Clover's shown a lot of potential, and you, well,
you might find
the Lil' Happeners Kiddie Korner is more your speed.
Okay. But only because there's a ball crawl.
I sure do hope that's Russian for "I'm okay."
What are we gonna do?
They're almost done with this thing.
And then they're headed back to Russia
and there goes our army.
Calm down. I just need a little extra time
to work the KJ Charm on Stanislav,
so he'll see that what I want
is way more important than what he wants.
You need to, uh, buy extra time?
I'm afraid to ask.
"I'm afraid to ask!"
That was you.
Mm-hmm.
Somebody call the burn unit.
Huh?
Maurice just got roasted.
All right, Pancho, lay that plan on me.
We don't want them to fly away yet, right?
So we throw a monkey wrench into their engine.
Kaplowie!
They ain't going nowhere until they can fix it.
This sounds like a bad idea.
Nonsense, Maurice.
Pancho, you sick and twisted dude,
go and make your kaplowie.
I'm going to work on convincing Stanislav.
Yeah. Time to crack open a big ol' can of the KJ Charm.
He keeps saying "KJ Charm" like it's a real thing or something.
We've got some new Happeners in the house today.
And one of them really got me through a rough patch.
Helped me kick a nasty habit.
The habit known as eating lemur babies.
Yeah, feel free to gasp. I deserve it.
But now, the only thing I'm hungry for
is the omelet bar out there
that's in the lobby breakfast buffet.
Let's hear it for the omelet bar, everybody.
And
let's give a warm round of applause
for my friend, my confidant, my spiritual war-buddy, Clover.
Work, girl. Go on, get it. I beat her up once.
Clover, welcome to your new home. Your new family.
And we've got a special treat for you,
the This is Happening Glory Singers are here to perform.
It's like I'm making up for the hugs I missed growing up.
Did somebody say "hugs"? Come here.
Look at this big, happy family.
That guy over there is...
And I say, be gone, negativity.
And I say, sayonara, doubt.
I free you...
...with the power of my pincher.
I've never felt this way before.
I love it here.
And I love all of you.
Are you absolutely, 1,000 percent sure
you guys don't want to risk your lives
saving my kingdom before you go back to Russia?
I mean, it's pretty much right on the way. Pretty much.
Hmm. Is it working?
Am I charming you?
- Time is now. - Ow!
For Monkey Revolution!
- Da. - Da!
Something tells me
you guys aren't gonna make it off this island.
I mean, uh...
Don't forget the sunscreen, guys.
The sun's pretty intense over there in the Russias.
Catch a big wave for me.
Here comes the...
Pain?
You were just supposed to give them a little engine trouble.
A small kaplowie.
You blew the dang blimp to smithereens, man.
Yeah, and they ain't getting to Russia any time soon.
If we don't save these space monkeys, they're gonna drown.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
My execution of the plan fell a little short. Yeah, good note.
Oh!
Stanislav. He cannot swim.
This puts us in a great position, Mo-Mo.
If I'm the one who saves him,
Stanislav will be so grateful he'll feel like he has to help us.
Just relax, buddy.
I got you. I'm not gonna let go. Never let go.
Thank you. I owe you my life, comrade.
Oh, Stan. I'm sure we can work something out.
Oh!
Which one of you cosmonauts is the best at CPR?
Clover,
I feel a disturbance that has nothing to do with the itchy rash
on my muladhara chakra.
Fred's tricking these lost souls into giving him all their stuff.
But what Fred is giving us in return
is priceless.
All this time, I've been stupidly trying to fix my own problems
through diligence and hard work,
but Fred has shown me I don't need to do that.
I just need to listen to him and keep the donations coming.
Okay. We need to get out of here.
Immediately. One last dip in the ball crawl and then we leave.
Not until I see what's behind that door.
Um...
I'm here for the secret initiation ritual.
Aah!
Welcome to Level Omicron.
Two more punches and you get a free cup of frozen yogurt.
Toppings are extra.
I'm actualizing. This is happening.
Yeah, it's pure magic.
Fine! I'll open the door myself!
Here goes.
Huh.
Guess we just can't do fire.
Must've gotten the wires crossed.
A medal, Maurice. For being so selfless.
You're the reason Stanislav needed
to be saved in the first place!
Yeah, but they don't know that.
Yes, monkeys. Salute your brave hero, monkeys.
Per Space Monkey Manifesto,
we are required to build a new zeppelin
to help you win your war.
It says all that?
It says all that.
We are in your debt forever.
Doesn't this feel a little dishonest?
It feels a lot dishonest.
But either way, the monkeys need
to build something to get off this island
before that huge tropical storm hits.
Huge tropical storm? Huh?
Will you look at the size of that storm!
Category redonkuloid.
What are y'all waiting for? You it to owe us, monkeys.
Start building this blimp! Start building the blimp now!
Hey!
That storm's getting closer.
How about a little urgency, people? Please!
Ow!
The pod door is open!
He somehow figured out the security code
is one very soft knock.
Thanks a lot for the help, Timo.
You've done it now. I tried to warn you, and now...
- Ooh, baby, you're in deep now. - Huh?
Hmm?
You got your little punch-card.
Now we must continue our journey.
I'm staying.
Whoa...
For the first time in my life, I have somewhere to belong.
But you already have King Julien
and your friends and your kingdom.
- Had. - Huh?
And maybe we'll never get it back,
Sage.
And maybe staying with Fred is just a better option.
We don't have much time.
I need you to help me to escape.
Wait, what? What would you need to escape from?
Okay, so I started doing these seminars as a goof, right?
Just hoping to make a few bucks and sell a couple of books.
But I don't understand.
I felt something.
I... I happened.
I, too, felt a brief moment of enlightenment in the ball crawl.
Then a kid threw up in it.
None of it's real. Other than the vomit in the ball crawl.
But somehow, I've gotten these rubes hooked,
and they're giving me all sorts of money and food
and free stuff.
Darn my charisma!
Now they won't leave me alone.
They're holding me hostage in this hotel
and forcing me to inspire them
to be the best thems they can be.
I just don't understand how I could be so fooled
and sucked in by all of this. You had all the answers!
Also, hey, let's not discount my charisma.
Anybody could've fallen for it.
Perhaps saving Fred was why Jarsh-Jarsh
sent us here in the first place.
Maybe that's our true test.
You're right. I have lost sight of the true quest.
We leave tonight.
I just need to grab some things and I'm gonna meet you outside.
And I just need to grab a quick bubble bath.
The storm's right on top of us. We gotta launch now, man!
- I prepared a speech. - That's great.
We can save it for the in-flight entertainment.
Get this rust-bucket in the air!
We're stuck!
Mo-Mo, I got this.
Little breezy up here.
Come on!
Whoa!
Hold on to monkey.
We cannot let you leave, Fred.
Not until we have all achieved Full Happenings.
Clover, this is so not cool.
Don't you see, Sage?
We all need Fred to tell us how to unleash our inner scorpions.
To tell us how to live.
Guys, listen. I don't have all the answers.
I was seriously just glad I had a bunch of simpletons
gullible enough to read my book.
Show of hands, who read my book?
Yes. Absolutely.
Skimmed it.
Any of you notice it's not a good book?
- Um... What? - 'Cause it's not.
In fact, I am a fraud.
I'm sorry, everybody. I tricked all of you.
Show of hands, who thinks we should all go home now?
Escort our friends back to the hotel multipurpose room.
Whoa...
Oh, yeah, baby!
Cheatin' death and chillin' on a
baller-status sky-yacht, y'all!
Stan, keep the drinks cold for a minute, huh?
Mauricio!
You okay, buddy? You're all mopey. Mopey-mope.
What happens if they find out
we're the reason their zeppelin blew up?
Yeah, mistakes were made, yeah, but they never have to know.
So that makes it all right.
I don't know. This feels all icky.
Maurice, what these dumb monkeys don't know won't hurt them.
Now turn that frown upside down, and let's party!
That guy over there is...
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