Fixed & Synced by bozxphd. Enjoy The Flick.
REPORTER: (ON RADIO) Hello, citizens of Gotham.
This is Desmond Dumas with breaking news.
Representatives from Gotham PD and City Hall
are converging on the State Penitentiary.
There in a top secret prison laboratory, a revolutionary experiment
will be conducted.
The proceedings will begin as soon as Gotham's leading crime crushers,
Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder, arrive.
Delayed no doubt protecting the streets of our lovely city.
It's been a while since our last date, Batman. I thought you'd forsaken me.
Crime fighting leaves little time for affairs of the heart, Catwoman.
But you're never far from my thoughts.
Those are the nicest words I've heard in a long time.
Speaking of words, I brought my handy copy of
the complete Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
After all, poetry opens both the mind and the heart.
I'm more interested in you opening these bars.
And open, they will. After only 37 more reformative months,
you'll have paid your debt to society and be a free woman once again.
Holy Romeo and Juliet! How much longer is he going to be?
Do you know the perfect way to cap this wonderful night?
Tell me, Catwoman.
ROBIN: (ON MEGAPHONE) Batman, attention. Batman!
We're gonna be late!
I'm sorry, Catwoman, but duty calls.
(DEVICES BEEPING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Please excuse our tardiness, gentlemen.
I'm certain it was for a good reason.
A very special criminal rehabilitation project.
You already know District Attorney...
Harvey Dent. A pleasure to share a room
with Gotham's greatest defender of justice.
Your perfect record for convictions precedes you.
Couldn't do it if you didn't catch them first, Batman. We make a pretty good team,
if I do say so myself.
Like Batman and Robin.
Isn't it past your bedtime?
And this is the inventor whose machine we will be testing. Hugo Strange.
At your service. An honor to meet the fabled Batman in the flesh.
You see, in a criminal,
the psyche's battle between good and evil is often one-sided
but what if there was a way to remove the evil?
No more criminal.
Intriguing. However, there are no easy fixes
on the road to the straight and narrow.
Gosh, yes. But a machine that extracts the evil out of super criminals
would make our jobs a lot easier.
Correction. The Evil Extractor will make your jobs obsolete.
Let's not be hasty, Strange. You've got to prove this contraption works, first.
If it does, Batman and Robin won't be the only ones out of a job.
McCarthy, bring in the prisoners.
My good luck charm, Batman. A memento from the Cohen counterfeit case.
The first crook I ever put behind bars.
And here I thought only criminals were a superstitious lot.
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
Just a wash and set for me today, thanks.
(LAUGHING)
Release me from this infernal unconstitutional device! (SQUAWKS)
HUGO: The Evil Extractor will siphon the reservoirs of evil
deep in the criminals' warped brains. Then, deposit it into the vat.
Scintillating. Can we get on with this?
I have dinner plans with our mutual friend, Bruce Wayne.
And millionaires don't like to be kept waiting.
Dr. Quinzel, instigate the extractor protocol.
DR. QUINZEL: Ready-o, Doc, decompressing the cerebral defibrillator.
- (MACHINE POWERING UP) - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Adjust the hemostatic stabilizers!
Gosh, Batman, I have a bad feeling about this.
That's why we're here, old chum. Stay vigilant.
Behold, the awesome power of my Evil Extractor!
(MACHINE THUMPING)
(LAUGHING) It tickles.
(ELECTRICITY CONTINUES CRACKLING)
All right, boys, pour it on.
(CRIMINALS LAUGHING)
(MACHINE POWERING UP)
(GASPS) They're trying to overwhelm the machine with their evil.
Shut it down. Shut it down!
(MACHINE POWERS DOWN)
(ALARM BLARING)
(CRIMINALS CONTINUE LAUGHING)
(GLASS CRACKING)
Harvey, look out!
(HARVEY SCREAMING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
Great Scott!
Jeez, that looks like it smarts.
Strange, you quack. I'll have you fired for this!
(LAUGHING)
Harvey?
Wrong, Batman, I'm not Harvey. I am evil incarnate. I am...
Two-Face!
(ALL GASP)
(ALARM RINGING)
(ENGINES REVVING)
(GUNFIRE)
(MACHINE BEEPING)
Mr. Dent, I hope you'll find my work impeccable.
HARVEY: It's not like you to be speechless, Bruce. What's the verdict?
See for yourself, Harv.
I am whole again. There's no longer a stranger in the mirror looking back at me.
(SIGHS)
How can I ever thank you for your unwavering support?
It was the least I could do for one of my closest friends.
They've agreed to let you return to City Hall as assistant
to the Assistant District Attorney.
"Assistant to the Assistant District Attorney"?
You bet, Commissioner. I'll do everything in my power to earn Gotham's trust again.
From now on, Harvey Dent is back on the side of angels
and in charge of his own fate.
(GROANS)
That's right, peasant. Bow before your pharaoh for he has returned.
MAN: We're stealing a plane, boss? What gives?
Fool! Had I possessed such a flying chariot when I first ruled,
we'd all be speaking Egyptian today.
What's the matter with normal English?
Ugh. Never mind.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Up, up, and away, my Tutlings! It's the only way to fly.
(LAUGHING)
Saints preserve us, Commissioner. King Tut is back to his old tricks.
Afraid so, Chief O'Hara. I need to know if Gotham PD is up for the job.
Assured, we are, Commissioner. We'll work this case from the ground up.
Lean on every lowlife in every juke-joint in town.
Uncover every bit of forensic data.
And if the crooks won't talk, we'll make 'em.
I have no doubt you'll make this city proud, Chief.
Oh, Commissioner, who are we kidding?
I know. We're woefully out of our depth on this one.
There's only one man who can handle this.
I'll head up to the roof and activate the Bat-signal.
Oh, Caped Crusader. If ever Gotham City needed you, it's now.
Oh, Alfred, isn't this exciting?
Rubbing elbows with Gotham's upper crust?
Indeed, madam. Very generous of Masters Bruce and Dick to send us in their place.
The annual millionaires' soiree ending in a midnight tour of Gotham City.
Lucky for us, you boys have another one of your fishing trips.
Really, madam.
Come, Alfred, we mustn't be late.
DICK: Bruce, look! It's the Bat-signal.
Time for Batman and Robin to suit up, old chum.
Right behind you, Bruce.
(ENGINE STARTS)
(BEEPING)
(TURBINES POWERING UP)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Do you think they'll show, Commissioner?
They've never failed to answer our call yet.
BATMAN: And we don't plan on starting now.
- GORDON: The Dynamic Duo! - CHIEF O'HARA: The Dynamic Duo!
Thank goodness you've come, Batman.
It's that megalomaniacal miscreant from Mesopotamia.
King Tut.
Him again.
This time he's stolen an irreplaceable biplane.
He's a man to be pitied.
The struggles he must face as a man divided.
But justice is a firm but fair mistress.
And come to justice he will.
Gosh, Batman, I still don't understand
- why Tut would steal a biplane. - (COMPUTER BEEPING)
The plane was owned by Thomas Hewell.
A man who made his fortune through Egyptian cotton.
Holy hieroglyphics! It's so obvious now. I can't believe I missed that.
You have to think like the professor, and the professor thinks he's King Tut reborn.
Great Scott. The company that sponsored tonight's midnight tour
is the Nile Double-Decker Bus Company.
That has to be Tut's next target!
And we just sent Alfred and Aunt Harriet in our stead.
To the Batmobile!
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(GLASSES CLINK)
(GRUNTING)
(ALL GASP)
Stop!
Good gravy, that's unexpected.
- Oh, my! - (ALL CLAMORING)
Silence, plebeians. It is... (CLEARS THROAT)
- It is I. King Tut! And I... - (ALL CLAMORING)
- I command you to... I... - (ALL SHOUTING)
- Ah, shut up! - (ALL GASP)
(MAN WHIMPERS)
Proceed, Tutlings.
There it is, Batman.
- Activating Bat-autopilot. - (BEEPING)
(WHIMPERING)
(GROANS)
Hand over the dough and fancy rocks, grandma.
Heavens...
- (GROANS) - Mrs. Cooper.
Now, see here, you ruffian.
Oh, a tough guy, huh?
BATMAN: Citizen, duck.
- (GROANS) - (GASPS)
Egads! The Caped Crumbums!
Surrender, you poor deluded fool, and throw yourself on the mercy of the court.
You'll be begging for mercy when we get through with you.
Tutlings, ho!
(GRUNTS)
(BEEPS)
Alfred, get the patrons to safety.
At once, sir.
(MAN SCREAMS)
Quickly now. Watch your step.
WOMAN: Age before beauty, I suppose.
(ALL GRUNTING)
(ALFRED GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
That'll teach these thievin' thugs.
Indeed. Now for Tut.
Nuts to you, Masked Morons.
(BOTH GRUNT)
Fangs dipped with a fast-acting knockout venom.
- Holy hypodermic! - (BOTH GROAN)
I always knew you'd make an asp of yourself, Bat-boob.
(LAUGHING)
(STRAINING) What are these things, Batman?
Canopic jars, Robin.
Used by the ancient Egyptians to store and preserve the viscera of their owner
for the afterlife.
Holy entrails! But why?
Simple, Boy Birdfeed.
Once entombed in the foundation of the soon-to-be-erected Pyramid Tower,
the Dynamic Dunderheads will be preserved for all eternity.
Fitting, no?
You... You fractured pharaoh.
Hit it, boys!
Batman and Robin trapped in yon urns, awaiting their fates as the cement churns.
Their clipped wings can't fly. So, alas, they'll die.
And all the crooks of Gotham shall say, "That Tut was one heck of a guy."
(LAUGHING)
It's already hardening, Batman.
Follow my instructions precisely.
Press the back of your soles against the side of the jar.
The heat from the chemical reaction of the cement might trigger the Bat-jets.
- (RATTLING) - (BOTH STRAINING)
(STRAINING)
(MEN GRUNT)
Your reign is over, Tut.
A pox on thee and all your ancestors! (GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
Oh! (GROANING)
Huh. Oh. Where am I? Batman.
But if you're here that means...
Oh. Tut again?
I'm afraid so, Professor.
(SIGHS) Having a split personality can be so inconvenient at times.
The boss's scheme is falling into place.
Two-fold. Too bad about the professor.
Eh, just grab the bag, and let's get out of here. On the double.
The stolen loot was missing from the crime scene, Caped Crusaders.
And no sign of the biplane either.
Holy Amelia Earhart!
Where do you hide a biplane?
Tell us what you know, Professor.
PROFESSOR McELROY: Oh, I wish I knew, gentlemen. Honestly, I do.
You expect us to believe that malarkey?
Remember, Chief, King Tut committed the crime. Not this poor pathetic soul.
When he's knocked on the head, he forgets everything he did as Tut.
I think I get your meaning, Boy Wonder. (CHUCKLES)
Ow. How dare you assault my royal presence?
Where'd you hide the goods, you felonious pharaoh?
Fie on thee!
My secrets are as impenetrable as any vault in the Great Pyramids.
Ah! Ah-ha!
Ow!
What's happening?
Even the pyramids were eventually pried open, Tut!
Ow!
You'll have to chase me through the 12 gates of the afterlife,
and you still won't get me to talk, flatfoot!
Ow!
Oh, my head. Why does it hurt so bad?
I won't give up that easy!
That's enough, Chief.
Our only recourse is to wait for the professor to see his day in court.
And if I have any say, he'll leave a free man.
Lucilee Diamond, public defender.
Now, if you'll kindly leave, so I can advise my client.
Of course, Ms. Diamond.
Well, Harvey, do you have a case?
Looks like it, Commissioner. Despite my winning streak since returning
to the DA's office, half of me hoped the poor devil would confess
and save the expense of a lengthy trial.
I have faith that a jury of his peers will have pity on a sick man, Mr. Dent.
Good day, gentlemen.
Chief, have you ever known this poor professor
to break the law when he was not King Tut?
Ms. Diamond, I'm not sure. You'd have to ask Batman.
So when not suffering the effects of a concussive state
that brings on the King Tut identity,
he is a mild-mannered, harmless member of society?
You'd have to ask Batman.
I object. Counsel is confusing the witness.
Not hard to do.
Overruled.
And did you not try to extract a confession
by bludgeoning this poor man to recreate that concussive state?
Objection. Tut is on trial here, not the professor.
It's true. All true, I confess.
(SOBBING)
- (ALL GASP) - (MURMURING)
No further questions. Thank you, Chief.
It's my honor to serve.
- (GROANS) - Judge, I'd like to call my next witness,
Batman.
HARVEY: Batman, in all your dealings with King Tut,
how would he rate as criminal masterminds go?
King Tut's one of my most deadly adversaries.
But I believe with proper rehabilitation,
Tut can someday be a productive member of society.
So you are saying the only hope to ridding Gotham of the scourge of King Tut
is to send him to prison where he can get the help he so desperately needs?
- Well, I... - No further questions.
Your Honor, I'd like to call Professor McElroy to the stand.
(GASPS)
Professor, you stated for the court that you have no memory of your actions
when King Tut takes over.
None whatsoever. No one is more horrified by King Tut's actions than I.
But isn't it true that without your expertise in Egyptology,
Tut couldn't commit his crimes?
Well, I suppose that's true, but...
Thereby making you the real mastermind behind his schemes.
Homina homina homina.
No further questions, Your Honor.
(GLASSES CLINK)
Fifteen years with possible time off for good behavior.
Tough break for the professor.
Yes, poor devil. Still, justice was served.
At this rate, you'll be lead DA again in no time, Harvey.
Batman nabs the super crooks, and I send them to the state pen.
The same place Batman sent you.
Why, Dick, I hope you don't feel like a third wheel when I'm around.
After all, I'm only Bruce's best friend.
You're his ward.
But the truth is, if it wasn't for Batman's help
or Bruce's friendship during my dark time, who knows where I'd be right now?
Robbing a bank?
Oh, my! Two handsome bachelors who are still best friends after all these years?
Oh! It's enough to give a girl the vapors.
Anyway, it's time I confessed to the other reason for my visit.
Go on.
There is a charity that's dear to my heart,
the Society for Underprivileged Fraternal Twins.
A worthy cause.
The stigma of being the less-attractive twin
is a heavy burden no one should have to bear.
Of course I'll do it.
Marvelous. I've already found the venue. The newly refurbished Winning Pair Casino.
It'll be great fun.
It's the Bat-phone, sir.
If you'll excuse us, Harv. Dick and I are due at our weekly badminton lesson.
Holy... Gosh, yes, you're right.
Of course, Bruce. I'll be in touch.
Pigs in a blanket, Mr. Dent?
Yes, Commissioner?
Batman, an odd package has arrived at my office, explicitly addressed to you.
Curious. We'll be right there.
To the Batcave!
- It's a book. - A world atlas to be precise.
CHIEF O'HARA: Saints alive! Looks like it's been eaten away by bugs.
Correction, Chief, worms.
Holy plagiarism!
It can only be from that master of a thousand stolen plots.
- The Bookworm. - Indeed.
Come, Robin, we have some reading to catch up on.
Why would Bookworm give us a world atlas?
Despite its poor condition,
I was able to detect several pages were missing.
Pages of different world capitals.
I'm still stumped, Batman.
Think. Longitudes and latitudes.
ROBIN: Holy overdue book! Of course!
He's using longitudes and latitudes
to correspond to the library's classification method.
The Dewey Decimal System.
Now you've got it, old chum.
Based on my encyclopedic knowledge of the card catalog,
those numbers correspond to rare editions
of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,
The Man in the Iron Mask, and A Tale of Two Cities.
Holy English Lit!
And they're housed in the Rare Editions wing of this library.
Shh!
(SOFTLY) Sorry.
(SOFTLY) Quickly, to the Rare Editions wing.
(BEEPING)
(THUDS)
BOOKWORM: Soon, the priceless leather-bound beauties
contained within will be mine.
Their exotic bindings will make a stunning cape
to add to my eclectic ensemble.
(GASPS)
Surrender, Bookworm! You larcenous literatus!
Oh, Batman, dear, sweet, insufferable Batman.
You didn't think I'd come here without protection, did you?
Worms, attack!
Wait, aren't you forgetting something?
Glasses!
(WORMS GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
Shh!
(GRUNTS)
Shh!
(ALL GROANING)
WOMAN: Shh!
All right, men! Round up these four-eyed felons!
(GROANS)
(GROANING)
Ooh.
(CLATTERS)
Curse you, Batman. My glasses. They're broken.
Since Bookworm can't see, Chief, you'll have to read him his rights.
Good thing Batman was able to piece together your little clue.
Otherwise you might have gotten away with it.
"Clue?" What clue?
Batman, look! The rare books, they're gone.
No doubt stolen while we were distracted with the fight.
To the Batmobile!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
ROBIN: It's odd, Batman.
Bookworm knew nothing about the clue that was sent to Commissioner Gordon.
Which is why I suspect someone wanted us to catch 'em.
You mean there's another fiendish force behind these crimes?
But who?
Think, Robin. What common theme do the stolen books all share?
Hmm.
They were all stories featuring themes of duality.
I see Tut's crimes, though Egyptian themed, also focused on the number two.
The biplane, the double-decker bus.
The number two? A double-cross.
- All signs pointing to... - Two-Face.
But we just saw Harvey. He's been fully rehabilitated inside and out.
There's only one way to know for sure.
Let's head to Two-Face's last known hideout.
The abandoned sign factory on Gemini Drive.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
TWO-FACE: Quite a haul, eh, boys?
Enough to finance my special plans for Gotham.
Now, we need to abandon this hideout.
No doubt the Tiresome Twosome have realized I've returned.
And will be here soon.
- But, boss... - Get the lead out,
- or I'll put the lead in. - (GUNS COCK)
Holy hideousity, Batman!
It is Two-Face. But how is that possible?
It shouldn't be.
Scarred side up.
Get them, boys.
(BOTH GRUNT)
(BOTH GROAN)
(GRUNTS)
- (STRAINING) - My arms are pinned, Batman.
TWO-FACE: I'm afraid you're outnumbered, Batman.
(LAUGHING)
Nighty-night, Bird Boy.
What's the matter with you, boss?
The coin decides their fate.
Tough luck, boys.
Batman and Robin will live.
For now.
Boss, are you nuts?
We owe it to every crime-abiding crook in town to crush the Caped Coppers.
It's the ethical thing to do.
Shut up, or else the coin decides your fates, too.
Grab the loot.
Think twice before you try to thwart my plans again, Batman.
Let's scram.
(LAUGHING)
- (STRAINING) - (METAL CREAKING)
It seems Harvey is back to his old tricks.
Yes, it looks bad.
But as District Attorney, Harvey's made a lot of enemies.
I wouldn't put it past any of them to try and ruin his reputation.
Gosh, you really believe that's the case?
BATMAN: I pray it is, old chum.
I pray that it is.
(GASPS)
Batman, look. His face is normal.
Batman, to what do I owe this unexpected visit?
Apologies, Mr. Dent.
But we've discovered there's a mastermind
behind King Tut's and Bookworm's latest crime sprees.
The audacity.
There's more.
The fallacious fiend's assumed the guise
of your former criminal alter-ego, Two-Face.
Where were you within the last two hours?
I've been here all night, Boy Wonder.
Surely you don't think I'm involved in this?
Why, it's positively beyond the pale.
Excuse Robin's over-zealousness, Mr. Dent,
but we can't rule anyone out at this point.
Of course, Batman.
You'll receive my full cooperation.
I've worked so hard to rebuild my reputation.
What kind of a twisted monster would do such a thing?
I won't rest until we get to the bottom of this.
I've total confidence in you, Caped Crusader.
And I quiver with anticipation
at the thought of putting this imposter behind bars.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to finalize plans for my charity bachelor auction.
Perhaps you've heard about it from our mutual friend Bruce Wayne?
I'm afraid my friendship with Mr. Wayne doesn't extend to charity functions.
Good night, Mr. Dent.
It just doesn't add up, Batman.
Harvey has to be involved with Two-Face somehow.
The crime fighter's crusade not tempered by loyalty and faith
is hollow at best.
Harvey Dent has been a loyal friend.
Therefore, I must have faith in him.
For now.
It's me.
I can't go on like this.
I insist you stop this madness at once.
TWO-FACE: (ON PHONE) Look, pretty boy.
We had a deal, remember?
I frame the super crooks
and used their stolen loot to finance my criminal coup
while you convict them and reclaim your sterling reputation as DA of Gotham City.
You've done all right for yourself, haven't you?
Maybe, but the Masked Manhunter is no fool.
Before long, he'll be on to us.
By the time Batman discovers our secret, I will know his.
Once that happens, the Dynamic Duo will be zilch zeros.
(TWO-FACE LAUGHING)
(SIGHS)
HUGO: How dare they fire me after one little mishap?
I'll show them.
I'll show everyone!
They have not heard the last of...
Oy gevalt!
What now?
(GASPS)
TWO-FACE: Hugo Strange.
We meet again, face to Two-Face.
I believe we have unfinished business.
Ach! (SPEAKING GERMAN)
(CLATTERS)
HUGO: Nein. Nein. Nein!
(COMPUTER BEEPING)
The Bat-computer can't seem to turn up any suspects
who might want to frame Harvey.
It's because Dent's the one behind it.
You're letting Bruce Wayne's friendship with him
taint your crime-fighting objectivity.
And you're letting Dick Grayson's insecurity taint yours.
Holy blind spot, Batman!
How can you not see Dent's up to his neck in this?
Sirs.
Robin, I haven't had to say this in quite some time.
Go to your room.
Gladly.
Master Robin...
BATMAN: Let him go, Alfred.
Two-Face has us all on edge.
The boy just needs some fresh air.
Perhaps I do, too.
Is there something else, sir?
I'm supposed to see Catwoman tonight.
But I can't lose focus. A man's good name is at stake.
Friends before females, eh, sir?
Indeed, Alfred.
CATWOMAN: That does it!
No man, or Batman, stands up the Catwoman.
(CAT MEOWS)
How did you get in here, you little tramp?
(CAT PURRING)
Hello, Catwoman, I'm afraid I've got bad news.
- The parole board denied your request. - (CAT PURRING)
- Friend of yours? - As a matter of fact, yes.
- (SNARLS) - (GASPS)
(GROANS)
Well done, Hecate.
- You've earned an extra treat tonight. - (CAT PURRS)
(LOCK CLICKS)
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
LUCILEE: Let me out of here!
- She's getting away! - Hey, pipe down,
or you're going in solitary.
Hmm.
Not bad.
In fact, purr-fect.
Master Dick, may I come in?
I've milk and cookies.
My word!
The game is afoot, Mr. Dent.
(HORN HONKS)
Caught you, you duplicitous DA!
Holy resurrection! The Evil Extractor!
HARVEY: Robin!
What are you doing? Get out of here before it's too late.
I don't think so, Harv... (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
TWO-FACE: You should've listened to Harvey. Now sleep tight, won't you?
(LAUGHING)
- Wakey-wakey, Bird Boy. - (GROANS AND GASPS)
(STRAINING)
Who are you, you depraved devil?
How did you get Dent mixed up in this?
Dent is a useful idiot. He serves his purpose.
Now it's your turn, Robin.
The boy guinea pig. Soon we'll see if lightning strikes twice.
You'll never figure out how to use that without...
HUGO: Hugo Strange?
You know what they say.
If you can't kill them in a horrible lab experiment, join them!
Consider this an experiment in terror.
- (TWO-FACE LAUGHING) - (GASPS)
(LAUGHING)
(STRUGGLING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
- BATMAN: Yes, Alfred? - It's Master Dick, sir, he's gone missing.
The arrogance of youth.
I took the precaution of activating the Bat-homing beacon in his utility belt.
- I'm sending you the coordinates now. - (DINGS)
Good job, Alfred. I'm on my way.
(LAUGHING)
Robin, I know you're upset,
but this is not an appropriate way to blow off steam.
You should have joined a young man's basketball league
or taken up model kit building.
For your own good,
when we get home, you're grounded.
Not if I put you in the ground first. (LAUGHING)
Robin, old chum, what's happened?
Batman, stay away. (GROWLS)
How's that for a sidekick, old chum?
(ROBIN GRUNTING)
Batman, look out! (GROWLS)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTS)
(ROARING)
The evil extract formula seems quite potent.
But for your plan, we'll need a much bigger batch.
Don't worry about that, I know just where we can get some.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Don't hold back, Batman, I must be stopped.
Your mother wears combat boots.
This'll hurt me more than it does you, old chum.
(ROBIN YELLS)
(GROANS)
(GROANING)
ALFRED: Master Dick.
- (GROWLS) - Goodness.
What's the matter, Jeeves,
never seen someone get up on the wrong side of the bed?
Don't talk to Alfred that way.
Tell me he can be saved, sir.
I hope not. I'm tired of being a square.
- Please, Batman, help me. - (COMPUTER BEEPING)
Not to worry, old chum.
I think I have an antidote.
I've got your antidote right here, Batman.
(GRUNTING)
Ah...
Gosh, I feel like I need to wash my mouth out with soap.
Good show, Master Bruce.
Batman, Dent is working with Strange.
I owe you an apology, Robin.
I was remiss in not giving the evidence its proper weight.
But you were right, Dent is involved.
But someone else is pulling the strings.
Then my faith isn't entirely misplaced.
There's still hope for Harvey yet.
(COMPUTER DINGS)
What is it?
Batman took the liberty of testing your costume for any foreign residue.
According to the Bat-computer,
your cape contained traces of a fine blue chalk.
Holy billiards!
Precisely.
And this particular brand of pool chalk is used by only one place in town.
The newly refurbished Winning Pair Casino,
where Harvey is holding his bachelor auction.
A crime fighter forewarned is a crime fighter forearmed.
To the Batmobile!
Batman, look at the size of those balls.
They must have cost a fortune.
BATMAN: The previous owner made his money running small time gambling dens.
He knew luck always favored the house.
It's easy to forget that statistically, gambling is always a losing proposition.
TWO-FACE: Boy Wonder, your sudden breakout seems to have cleared up.
Who are you, Two-Face?
We're done with your ghoulish games.
Then you shouldn't have come here.
Batman in the corner pocket. (LAUGHING)
ROBIN: Holy compaction! We'll be crushed!
Quickly, Robin, this is the only way.
(BEEPING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
What now, boss?
Prepare them for the show stopper.
But first, take a memo.
Dear Gotham's Criminal Elite...
(JOKER LAUGHING)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
Huh?
(GASPS) Oh, how delicious, it's an invitation.
"Two-Face cordially invites you to..."
"The unmasking of the Dynamic Duo.
"Batman and Robin."
(LAUGHING) Oh, rapturous day.
(LAUGHING)
"Follow the directions to the newly refurbished Winning Pair Casino
"on 2222 Janus Lane."
Huzzah! Huzzah! (LAUGHING)
(CAT PURRING)
(BOTH GROANING)
(GASPS)
Holy half dollar! Is this how it ends, Batman?
Steady, old chum.
A level head is the crime fighter's greatest asset.
If I could just reach.
No, Robin, it's booby-trapped.
Any sudden movement could trigger it
and we'll be catapulted over those spikes.
(GULPS) At least he's giving us a 50-50 chance.
Don't be fooled, Boy Wonder.
Our weight will ensure that we fall face down on those spikes.
HARVEY: Batman's right.
BATMAN: Harvey, it's not too late.
Help us take down the man who put you up to this.
But I'm as guilty as he is.
I just couldn't take being a peon in the DA's office.
So, when he offered me this Faustian deal, I took it.
I still believe in you, Harvey.
Then you're a fool.
Mr. Wayne had your face restored.
You were reformed.
I'm afraid Bruce only...
(HARVEY GROANING)
Healed the scars...
On the outside, Batman.
(GROANING)
(YELLS)
No mere surgery could keep Two-Face at bay for long.
Holy Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!
Of course, the scars are a physical manifestation
of the Evil Extractor's gasses.
You've been living a double life this whole time.
Harvey's not the only one living a double life, is he, Batman?
And soon, the secret beneath that cowl will be exposed for all of Gotham to see.
You grisly gargoyle,
there's no way you can know Batman's secret identity.
Ah, but that's where you're wrong, Boy Blatherer. (LAUGHING)
This fiend forced me to set up this charity auction as a ruse
to trap Bruce Wayne in a lie.
I only agreed because I didn't believe him.
Bruce wouldn't keep anything that important from me.
And yet, the always punctual Bruce Wayne
hasn't shown up for his own auction,
which could only mean that he's been indisposed,
as Batman is now.
Voilą.
The indignity of it all.
Holy indecent exposure!
Batman and Bruce Wayne,
one and the same.
Bruce, how could you keep secrets from your old friend?
And you must be his youthful ward, Dick Grayson.
I told you they were living double lives.
What devilish diabolatry have you devised for us next?
I know people who would pay dearly for this information.
Which is why I gathered them all here. (LAUGHING)
Now, one of Batman's greatest enemies will have the opportunity
to buy his identity.
We'll start the bidding at $1 million. (LAUGHING)
Me, me, one million bucks.
Oh, it's a good thing I had some spare change
laying around between the couch cushions.
(LAUGHING)
Ah, cease that cacophonous cackling, you malignant mutton-head.
The Penguin says a million and five.
Riddle me this!
Why are we like Two-Face's henchmen?
Answer, because we're all doing his bidding. (LAUGHING)
(BOTH GROWLING)
Two million.
Three million.
(GRUNTS) Catwoman, you larcenous lynx.
Four million.
(ALL CLAMORING)
(ALL CONTINUE CLAMORING)
(BELL DINGING)
Silence! No one outbids the princess of plunder.
Batman is mine to undo,
when I see fit and not before.
No one will see under his hood besides me.
Five million.
(ALL GASP)
Oh, that's a little rich for my blood.
But what do you say we combine the pot and we all get a peek.
(ALL AGREEING)
Then 10 million it is. (LAUGHING)
Going once, going twice...
Sold to all the villains of Gotham.
(LAUGHING)
Now, let's claim our prize.
Have your fun, boys, but I have another engagement.
I'm sorry, Batman.
If they find out our identity, it'll be the end of Batman and Robin.
The we have to trigger this giant coin.
But you said it yourself, it's rigged.
There's no choice. Now!
Egad! Come back here.
We paid good money for you.
BATMAN: Robin, do precisely as I say.
Shift your weight 10 degrees to the left.
Based on my calculations,
it will change the coin's center of gravity, and thus...
(ALL YELLING)
Thanks for your help, Catwoman, I'm sorry about standing you up.
I've accepted the fact
that your first love will always be crime fighting, Batman.
So if you won't join my side, perhaps I'll join yours.
(EXCLAIMS) The Caped Crusaders are free.
Treasonous trollop!
Get them, men, or it's curtains.
Let Robin and I handle this, you might get hurt.
Silly boy, I know cat-rate.
- Hi-ya! - (MEN GRUNT)
(ALL GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(BOTH GROAN)
BATMAN: Strange's New and Improved Evil Extractor.
While those fiends were bidding,
Two-Face was collecting their evil essence.
Why would he need so much?
Great Scott, that's it!
He plans to turn all of Gotham into Two-Faces.
Forgive me if I don't face this foe with you, Batman,
but green isn't my color.
You've done more than enough, Catwoman.
Promise me you'll turn yourself in to the nearest authorities.
Of course, Batman, cross my heart.
Quickly, Robin, there's no time.
(BI-PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING)
There, Batman, we'll never catch him.
I already summoned the Bat-cycle.
This antidote is our last chance.
We may cure Harvey yet.
(GAS HISSING)
(ALL GASP)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(ALL GROANING)
(BOTH LAUGH)
Hey... (COUGHING)
(YELLING AND LAUGHING)
(ALARM BLARING)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(LAUGHTER)
(GASPS) Look out, men.
(LAUGHING)
REPORTER: (ON RADIO) Citizens of Gotham,
this is Desmond Dumas, warning you to head for cover.
That mutilated master of multiplicity, Two-Face,
he's dousing the entire city with some strange kind of gas.
I repeat, head for... (COUGHING)
(LAUGHING)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(GRUNTING)
(ENGINE REVS)
Robin, use the mini Bat-zooka to disable his flight gear.
(BEEPING)
(MISSILE WHISTLING)
(LAUGHING)
Holy hairpin turn!
(MISSILES WHISTLING)
(LAUGHING)
(WHIMPERING)
It's no use, Batman, that fiend's an ace pilot.
BATMAN: Then there's only one thing left to do.
Use our ejector seats to get altitude
and pray the Bat-boot jets can do the rest.
Brace yourself.
Now, Robin.
- (TAPPING) - (POWERING UP)
(BOTH GASP)
(BOTH YELL)
Batman!
Careful, old chum, it's quite a drop.
(GRUNTS)
(FIRING GUNS)
(YELLS)
(SCREAMS AND GASPS)
(SCREAMING)
(FIRING GUN)
You'll never take me alive, Caped Coppers.
Robin, behind the Bat-shield.
(LAUGHING)
- (TWO-FACE CONTINUES LAUGHING) - Batman, this place is going to blow!
Then this is as far as you go, old chum.
I'm going after Two-Face
and try to get close enough to use the antidote.
ROBIN: It's gone!
It must have cracked open during the mayhem.
Then you can't go after him, Batman, it'll be certain death.
I have to. I can't give up on Harvey.
His friendship means a lot to you, doesn't it?
Yes.
But not as much as yours does, Boy Wonder.
I wouldn't want anyone else at my side in this never ending fight against crime.
Now move to safety, that's an order.
As a duly deputized officer of the law and your friend,
I implore you to fight this, Harvey.
(BOTH GRUNT)
I detest cheap sentiment.
(STAMMERS) Bruce, I can't tell you how terribly sorry I am
about all this.
You're weak, Dent.
And now that you've outlived your usefulness to me
it's time I snuffed you out. (CHOKING)
(HARVEY SCREAMING)
There's no one left to protect you, Masked Manhunter. (GROWLS)
- (GUNS CLICK) - (GRUNTS)
BATMAN: I've been counting your bullets.
Now it's you that's on the auction block,
and my fists are the highest bidders.
(GROWLS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Harvey, stay strong.
(GROANS)
(GROWLING)
(GRUNTING)
(AIR WHISTLING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
Goodbye, Batman.
Wait, doesn't the coin have to decide?
Curse you, Batman, for being right.
No! Impossible!
Oh.
(GRUNTS)
No!
Tell me what to do.
Can't decide.
Now's your chance, Harvey, fight him.
(STRAINING)
(YELLING)
You did this.
I'll destroy you.
No, he's my friend.
He believed in me when no one else would.
He was a fool to trust us.
There's no us anymore, Two-Face.
I'm Harvey Dent... (GRUNTS)
District Attorney... (GRUNTS)
And I'm bringing you to justice. (GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
Harvey!
Batman. Bruce, old friend.
BATMAN: Let's get out of here, Harvey.
Batman, are you all right?
- I'm fine, Robin. - (SIRENS BLARING)
What about Two-Face?
He's gone, Boy Wonder.
He's... (GROANS)
GORDON: Batman, we rounded up all of the super criminals.
But Catwoman's gone.
That tricky minx.
Still, Robin and I owe our lives to her.
However were you able to outwit that Grand Guignol gonzo, Two-Face?
I'm afraid to say I cheated, Commissioner.
During our fight, I replaced Two-Face's coin with a blank.
His inability to act gave me the opening I needed.
That poor abandoned soul.
But even Harvey Dent must again pay for his crimes
no matter what his mental state.
True, but for now, there's quite a mess in Gotham
we must clean up.
Initiating Bat-evil-essence antidote bombs.
(BEEPING)
(BOMBS WHISTLING)
- (CONTINUES FIRING) - Take that, you two-faced fiends!
Decorum, old chum, they are citizens after all.
Gosh, yes. Sorry, Batman.
(CONTINUES FIRING)
Batman's cured all of Gotham.
That is, most of Gotham.
(GROWLING)
- (BOMB WHISTLING) - (GRUNTS)
Faith and begorrah. I feel like I've been on a three-day bender.
GORDON: No matter how dire the peril,
no matter how hopeless the odds,
you can always count on Batman.
Gosh, Bruce, it's been months.
How do you think Harvey will act when he sees us?
The warden says Harvey's been a model prisoner.
I mean, about him knowing our secret identities.
This is one time I'm afraid even Batman doesn't know what to expect.
Master Bruce, Mr. Dent has arrived for his charity bachelor auction.
Thanks, Bruce.
Once again, you've helped me in ways I can never begin to repay.
Ah, don't mention it, Harvey, that's what old friends are for.
Say, I'd better get up there.
Holy amnesia! He doesn't remember.
Two-Face knew our secret,
but it seems Harvey has repressed that memory.
Clearly, Two-Face lies dormant, buried deep in Harvey's psyche.
For now, we can only hope it stays that way.
(CROWD CHEERING)
I wonder if Harvey will be auctioning himself.
(LAUGHING) Oh!
I might need to borrow some money, Alfred.
Why, Mrs. Cooper.
Heavens to Betsy, I'm all a tingle, Bruce.
Bruce?
HARVEY: Thank you for that warm welcome.
And now, without further ado,
I'd like to present our first item up for auction,
the most eligible bachelor in Gotham City,
Batman.
(ALL GASPS)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Who will make the first bid?
Holy Hugh Hefner!
Meow.