- * BON VOYAGE
* BON VOYAGE
* HAVE A GAY HOLIDAY AND DON'T FORGET TO WRITE *
* BON VOYAGE
* AU REVOIR *
* TAKE IN ALL OF THE SIGHTS AND OOH-LA THOSE NIGHTS *
* STROLLING THROUGH THE PARK, SAILING DOWN THE SEINE *
* KISSING ON THE EIFFEL TOWER IS TRES PARISIE *
* LIVE IT UP
* DO IT ALL
* HAPPY TRIP, HAVE A BALL *
* ALL ASHORE THAT'S GOING ASHORE *
* BON VOYAGE
- TRAVELER'S CHECKS?
- TRAVELER'S CHECKS.
- CREDIT CARDS?
- CREDIT CARDS.
- PASSPORT?
- PASSPORT.
- BAGGAGE TAGS?
- BAGGAGE TAGS.
- EVENING GOWN.
- DINNER JACKET. - DANCING SHOES.
- SEASICK PILLS. - CANCEL THE MILK.
- PUT OUT THE CAT. - LOCK THE HOUSE.
- WHERE IS THE CAT? [cat meows]
- * BON VOYAGE
* BON VOYAGE
* HAVE A GAY HOLIDAY AND DON'T FORGET TO WRITE *
* BON VOYAGE
* AU REVOIR *
* TAKE IN ALL OF THE SIGHTS *
* AND OOH-LA-LA THOSE NIGHTS *
- * DANCING IN MARSEILLES
- * HOLDING HANDS IN ROME
- * ROMANCING ON THE CONTINENT *
* IS TWICE AS NICE AS HOME
- * TO CHAMPAGNE
- AVEC POTAGE.
- SOUP?
- L'ESCARGOT.
- SNAILS?
- ET FROMAGE.
- CHEESE?
- * ALL ASHORE THAT'S GOING ASHORE *
* BON VOYAGE
*
[whistle blowing]
[tires screech, air horn blows]
- THERE IT IS.
- SKIPPER.
- OH, I JUST KNOW.
I KNOW SOMETHING'S GOING TO WAKE ME UP,
AND WE'LL STILL BE AT HOME IN TERRE HAUTE, INDIANA.
- FIRST TIME ACROSS, RIGHT? I CAN ALWAYS TELL.
- I GUESS WE ARE KIND OF EXCITED.
MY WIFE AND I HAVE BEEN PLANNING ON THIS TRIP
EVER SINCE WE GOT MARRIED,
BUT SOMETHING ALWAYS CAME UP, YOU KNOW,
UH, BABIES, BILLS, BANK LOANS. [laughs]
- DAD, I REALLY DON'T THINK THE DRIVER IS INTERESTED
IN OUR PERSONAL FAMILY HISTORY.
- OH, I DON'T MIND.
ANYTHING'S BETTER THAN SITTING UP IN FRONT
TALKING TO MYSELF.
[tires screech]
- OUR TRIP TO EUROPE--
THE GREAT FAMILY MYTH, AS ELLIOTT CALLS IT.
FINALLY COMING TRUE RIGHT BEFORE OUR EYES.
YOU BELIEVE IT NOW, ELLIOTT?
- SO WHAT?
- GOSH, MOM, DO YOU REALIZE THAT I'VE WATCHED YOU DREAM
ABOUT THIS TRIP SINCE I WAS A BABY?
- HAS IT REALLY BEEN THAT LONG?
- ARE YOU KIDDING, MOM?
THE FIRST THING I CAN EVER REMEMBER
IS PLAYING WITH YOUR COLLECTION OF TRAVEL FOLDERS.
- YOU KNOW WHY WE HAD TO POSTPONE IT.
FIRST, ONE THING CAME ALONG AND THEN ANOTHER.
- MM-HMM, SUCH AS ME FIRST AND THEN ELLIOTT.
- I THOUGHT WE REALLY HAD IT MADE AFTER THE WAR.
EVERYTHING WAS ALL SET, AND THEN...
- OKAY, OKAY, I KNOW.
- SKIPPER, DARLING, YOU WERE THE NICEST SURPRISE
ANYONE EVER HAD.
[tires screech]
[horns honking]
- THANK YOU.
- NOW, LET'S EVERYBODY STAY TOGETHER.
[laughs] THERE'S NOTHING TO GET EXCITED ABOUT.
HERE, LET ME TAKE THAT FOR YOU.
EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT HE'S SUPPOSED TO DO.
NOW, SKIPPER, YOU COUNT THE BAGS, RIGHT?
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, POP.
JUST MAKE SURE SOMEBODY ELSE DOESN'T GOOF OFF.
- OH, ELLIOTT. DON'T WANDER.
WELL, NOW, THEN, UH, LET'S DOUBLE-CHECK EVERYTHING,
JUST TO BE SURE. HOLD THIS, WILL YOU?
NOW, WE'VE, UH, GOT THE BOAT TICKETS RIGHT HERE.
THE PASSPORT'S RIGHT IN HERE. THE PASSPORT!
I HAD THE PASSPORT RIGHT IN HERE.
- DON'T PANIC, DADDY. IT'S RIGHT HERE IN MY PURSE.
YOU LEFT IT ON THE HOTEL BUREAU.
- OH, I DID? [laughs]
WELL, LET'S ALL STAY TOGETHER NOW
AND KEEP COOL HEADS.
- HARRY, WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY MAKEUP KIT?
- I THOUGHT YOU HAD IT.
- YOU JUST TOOK IT FROM ME.
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT, I DID.
- THE PORTER'S GOT IT.
- OH, WELL.
- WELL, HAVE YOU PAID THE CAB YET?
- OH, NOT YET. - [laughs]
- I'LL GET IT, MOM. - SKIPPER, SKIPPER, WAIT.
- THERE YOU ARE.
- BUD, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU FROM HERE ON,
I WOULDN'T GO THROUGH FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.
- OH, WE'LL BE ALL RIGHT AS SOON AS WE GET ON BOARD
AND GET SETTLED DOWN. HERE YOU ARE.
- THANKS.
- HERE YOU ARE. - OH, THANKS.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- DON'T YOU THINK YOU'D BETTER FIND SKIPPER?
- OH, I THOUGHT-- I THOUGHT YOU HAD HIM.
- NO, NO, HE WENT IN THAT DOOR DOWN THERE, DARLING.
- SKIPPER! SKIPPER!
- ELLIOTT! WHY DO THEY KEEP RUN--WAIT!
- AMY, AMY!
- ELLIOTT, ELLIOTT, GO FIND YOUR BROTHER.
- GREAT START, POP. PARDON ME.
- DON'T CLOSE THE DOOR, PLEASE. WOULD YOU LET HIM OUT, PLEASE?
- EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
- THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR ANY OF US TO FALL APART HERE.
- OH.
- NOW, YOU WAIT FOR ME, KATIE. DON'T GO RUNNING OFF.
- HARRY! HARRY, OVER HERE, DEAR.
- KATIE, I'D APPRECIATE IT IF WE'D JUST STAY TOGETHER.
- YES, DEAR. UH, WE GO OVER THERE.
- OH.
BOY, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL WE GET ON BOARD
SO WE CAN SETTLE DOWN AND RELAX.
- MM-HMM.
- HEY, HEY, HEY!
- THANK GOODNESS WE DON'T KNOW ANYBODY IN NEW YORK,
SO WE WON'T HAVE ONE OF THOSE BON VOYAGE PARTIES.
- MM-HMM.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "MM-HMM"?
- WELL, I WAS JUST THINKING THAT THERE MIGHT BE
SOME WELL-MEANING RELATIVES WHO MIGHT--
- KATIE, I THOUGHT-- I THOUGHT YOU PARENTS SAID
THEY COULDN'T BE HERE? - YES, THEY DID.
BUT BOSTON ISN'T THAT FAR AWAY.
HARRY, WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?
WILL YOU LOOK PLEASANT WHEN YOU GO INTO THE STATEROOM?
- OH, KATIE, YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE PARTIES.
I'M JUST NO GOOD AT DRINKING.
- YOU'RE ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT PARTIES.
AND THEN IT'S YOU THAT WINDS UP HAVING ALL THE FUN.
- NEXT.
- UH, W-WHERE'S AMY?
SHE'S GOT THE PASSPORT, HASN'T SHE?
- UH, SHE'S OVER THERE TALKING TO THAT YOUNG MAN.
- WHERE THE DEVIL DID SHE MEET THAT FELLOW?
- PROBABLY IN THE ELEVATOR.
- HOW COULD SHE POSSIBLY MEET SOMEONE
DURING A TEN-SECOND ELEVATOR RIDE?
I'VE BEEN RIDING IN ELEVATORS ALL MY LIFE.
I NEVER MET ANYONE.
- HE LOOKS RATHER NICE.
- THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT HE DOES--
HANGS AROUND ELEVATORS ALL THE TIME.
THEY HAVE A NAME FOR HIS KIND--
ELEVATOR LURKERS.
- OH, DON'T BE SILLY, HARRY.
HE'S ONE OF THE PASSENGERS.
- KATIE, SOMETIMES I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.
HERE A FELLOW PICKS UP YOUR DAUGHTER
RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE, AND YOU'RE VERY CALM ABOUT IT.
- WELL, BOYS HAVE TO MEET GIRLS.
THAT'S THE WAY THE WHOLE THING WORKS.
- WELL, MAYBE THAT'S THE WAY THE WHOLE THING WORKS,
BUT I DON'T LIKE IT.
- OH, YOU'VE BEEN A NERVOUS WRECK
EVER SINCE AMY TURNED 14.
AND I THINK SHE TAKES CARE OF HERSELF BEAUTIFULLY.
- YOU CALL THAT TAKING CARE OF HERSELF BEAUTIFULLY?
WE TURN OUR BACKS FOR ONE SPLIT SECOND,
AND HERE'S SOME YOUNG SPOOK MASSAGING HER ARM,
AND AMY LOOKING UP AT HIM AS IF HE WERE--
- SHH. THEY'RE COMING OVER.
- MOM, DAD, I WANT YOU TO MEET NICK O'MARA.
HE'S GOING OVER ON THE SHIP WITH US.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?
I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR SPEAKING TO YOUR DAUGHTER,
BUT AFTER ALL, SHIPBOARD INFORMALITY
IS TRADITIONAL, ISN'T IT?
- UH, A TRADITION OF THE SEA, DADDY.
- AND FOR ALL PRACTICAL PURPOSES,
WE ARE ALMOST ABOARD SHIP NOW, DON'T YOU AGREE?
- YES, FOR ALL PRACTICAL PURPOSES.
- NEXT.
- OH, UH, AMY, COULD I HAVE THE PASSPORT, PLEASE?
- OH, YES.
- THANK YOU.
- AMY. - OH.
- UH, FAMILY PASSPORT, HUH?
FINE.
WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?
- OH, THE TWO BOYS WILL BE HERE IN A MINUTE.
- SORRY, YOU'LL HAVE TO STAND ASIDE.
I HAVE TO FIT THE FACES TO THE PASSPORT.
- OH. - NEXT.
- I KNOW THE CHIEF PURSER RATHER WELL.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO-- - YEAH, WOULD YOU HOLD THIS?
I'LL GO AND SEE IF I CAN FIND THE TWO MISSING FACES.
AND, MOTHER, YOU AND AMY STAY HERE, PLEASE?
- UH, I'LL GO LOOK FOR THE PURSER.
- ELLIOTT. WAIT A MINUTE.
DID YOU FIND HIM? - NO.
- NOW, LOOK, THE PASSPORT DESK
IS RIGHT AT THE TOP OF THOSE STAIRS.
YOUR MOTHER AND AMY ARE UP THERE.
NOW YOU GO UP AND JOIN THEM. AND STAY THERE.
- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT.
SKIPPER.
SKIPPER, GET OFF OF THERE.
- HI, POP. ANYTHING WRONG?
- NO, NO. - I GOT IT RIGHT HERE.
HEY! - WAIT, WAIT, HOLD IT!
WAIT, WHOA. - HEY, THIS IS NEAT.
- WELL, YEAH, YOU JUST HANG ON, THAT'S--
- WE'VE GOT TO DO IT BY THE RULES.
- RULES AND REGULATIONS. I ONLY SEE--
- THAT'S FOUR AND FIVE.
ALL FACES PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR, CORRECT?
- OKAY.
MRS. WILLARD.
- THANK YOU.
- GREAT START, POP.
- WHOOPS. [laughs]
SORRY.
[indistinct singing in the distance]
[indistinct chatter]
- HARRY, YOU OLD RASCAL. - WELL.
- I WONDERED IF MY SON-IN-LAW WAS EVER GOING TO SHOW UP.
- HOW ARE YOU, MR. BIDWELL-- UH, HORACE--
I MEAN, DAD?
- WELL, HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, HUH?
YOU DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING TO LET
MY LITTLE DAUGHTER GO OFF TO PARIS
WITHOUT A PARTY, DID YOU?
- NO, NO, I GUESS DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART, I DIDN'T.
- I JUST TOLD HER MOTHER
I'LL GATHER UP SOME OF KATIE'S OLD SCHOOL CHUMS,
A HALF A DOZEN OR SO OF HER OLD SUITORS,
AND WE'LL LET KATIE KNOW WE HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN HER.
[laughs]
- [chuckles] WELL, IT'S-- IT'S VERY NICE OF YOU, DAD--
HO-HO-HORACE-- I MEAN, MR. BIDWELL.
- YOU KNOW, HARRY,
I GUESS NONE OF US WILL EVER FORGIVE YOU
FOR STEALING OUR LITTLE GIRL AND TAKING HER OUT
TO THAT, UH, TERRE HAUTE OR WHATEVER IT IS OUT THERE.
- IT'S, UH, TERRE HAUTE, SIR.
AND IT REALLY ISN'T TOO BAD.
WE, UH, HAVE THE INDIANS PRETTY WELL UNDER CONTROL BY NOW.
- [laughs] - AND WE HAVE TELEVISION.
AND WE GET UP TO CHICAGO FOR A WEEKEND NOW AND THEN,
SO, UH... - CHICAGO.
WELL, WHY NOT?
- OH.
[indistinct chatter]
- GREAT GIRL, THAT KATHERINE.
- YEAH, SHE'S A GREAT GIRL, ALL RIGHT.
- HAVE YOU KNOWN HER LONG?
- UH, A FEW YEARS.
- I TOOK KATHERINE ON HER VERY FIRST DATE.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT? - WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT?
I'VE HAD A FEW DATES WITH KATHERINE MYSELF.
- KATHERINE WAS NEVER A RAVING BEAUTY, BY ANY MEANS,
BUT SHE WAS HANDSOME.
YES, UH, THAT'S THE WORD FOR KATHERINE--HANDSOME.
- I'D SAY SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.
- YOU'RE NOT FROM BOSTON, ARE YOU?
- NO, NO, I'M NOT.
- I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEEN YOU AROUND.
- MY NAME'S WILLARD. HARRY WILLARD.
- YOU DON'T SAY.
- WILLARD?
SO YOU'RE THE ONE!
- YES, I'M THE ONE.
- WELL.
WELL.
- MAVIS, DON'T TELL ME YOU DIDN'T KNOW.
SHE MARRIED A PLUMBER OR A PLUMBING CONTRACTOR
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT OUT WEST.
- OH, CAN YOU IMAGINE?
A GIRL LIKE THAT WITH HER EDUCATION AND BACKGROUND.
OH, I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
- WOULD YOU REALLY?
WELL, I'D JUST LOVE TO TELL YOU,
BECAUSE I JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW THE WHOLE STORY.
- YOU DO? - YES, I DO.
ACTUALLY, IT SEEMS THAT ONE SUMMER KATHERINE WENT
OUT TO THIS TERRE HAUTE PLACE
TO VISIT A COLLEGE FRIEND OF HERS, HARRIET FEDLING.
AND THIS WILLARD FELLOW, WELL, HE'S IN PLUMBING, YOU KNOW.
- YES, WE KNOW.
- OH, YOU KNOW THAT.
WELL, ANYWAY HE MET KATHERINE AT THE FEDLING HOME,
AND, UH, WELL, HE JUST FELL FOR HER LIKE A TON OF BRICKS.
BUT SHE COULDN'T SEE HIM FOR DUST.
WELL, ONE EVENING THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE
ONE OF THOSE WIENER ROASTS, YOU KNOW HOW THEY DO?
I GUESS THERE JUST ISN'T TOO MUCH TO DO
AROUND A PLACE LIKE TERRE HAUTE.
AND HE FINALLY MANAGED TO TALK KATHERINE
INTO GOING WITH HIM.
WELL, OF COURSE, KATHERINE CALLED IT A WIENER ROAST,
AND HE CALLED IT A WIENIE ROAST.
[laughs]
[both laugh]
WELL, THEY GOT INTO A BIG ARGUMENT ABOUT THAT,
AND, UH, SO TO SHUT HER UP, I KISSED HER,
AND SHE KISSED ME BACK, AND WE GOT MARRIED.
THAT'S ABOUT THE WHOLE STORY IN A NUTSHELL.
CHEERS. [laughs]
- [whispering indistinctly]
- WHOOPS! [laughs]
SORRY.
[singing indistinctly]
WHOOPS! HA HA, SORRY.
*
- POP!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, BUT IT LOOKS VERY SILLY.
- WELL, ELLIOTT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SITTING OUT HERE ALL BY YOURSELF?
NOTHING WRONG IN THERE. - DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
GO BACK TO YOUR PARTY. DRINK.
BE HAPPY.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
- OH, COME ON, NOW, ELLIOTT.
SNAP OUT OF IT.
THIS IS OUR TRIP. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING FUN.
- FUN? OH, THAT'S IRONIC.
IT'S TRULY IRONIC. - WHAT'S WRONG, SON?
YOU CAN TELL ME.
- DAD, LET'S NOT DO THE MAN-TO-MAN-TALK BIT NOW, OKAY?
I-I COULDN'T TAKE IT.
- OH, LOOK, THE SHIP'S CRAWLING WITH PRETTY GIRLS.
GO AND FIND YOURSELF A GIRL. - YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, POP.
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.
- I WISH YOU'D STOP TALKING LIKE I'M FROM MARS OR SOMETHING.
WHAT DON'T I UNDERSTAND?
- SIMPLY THIS--I'M NOT INTERESTED IN OTHER GIRLS.
I'M DEEPLY, BEAUTIFULLY IN LOVE WITH A VERY FINE PERSON.
TOGETHER, WE MIGHT HAVE HAD A CHANCE FOR HAPPINESS.
TOGETHER, WE-- - WAIT A MINUTE.
ELLIOTT, ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT THAT SCRAWNY HAMILTON KID BACK HOME?
THE ONE WITH THE FLOPPY BANGS THAT CALLS ME "CHUM"?
- DAD, IF WE CAN'T DISCUSS RUTH
WITH THE RESPECT TO WHICH SHE IS ENTITLED,
I'D RATHER WE DIDN'T DISCUSS IT AT ALL.
- OH, NOW, ELLIOTT.
- MAY I HAVE A SIP OF YOUR CHAMPAGNE, PLEASE?
- WELL. - THANKS.
- NOW, LOOK, ELLIOTT.
I DON'T WANT TO GET ANGRY WITH YOU ON THIS TRIP.
I WANT TO BE PATIENT.
- I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING, POP. - WELL, THANK YOU.
NOW, LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY.
IF I'D HAD A CHANCE TO TAKE A TRIP TO EUROPE
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I'D HAVE BEEN OVERCOME WITH JOY.
- IS THERE STILL TIME FOR ME TO GET OFF THE BOAT?
- ALL RIGHT, SUPPOSE I SAID, "GO AHEAD, GET OFF THE BOAT."
WHERE WOULD YOU GO? WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
- I'D HOP THE FIRST TRAIN BACK HOME.
- OH, NOW. - DO YOU MEAN I CAN?
- ELLIOTT, NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME.
NOTHING OR NOBODY IS GOING TO SPOIL THIS TRIP
FOR YOUR MOTHER.
SO IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CHEER UP,
YOU'D BETTER GET OFF THIS SHIP,
AND YOU'D BETTER GET OFF RIGHT NOW,
BECAUSE IF YOU PULL THIS LONG-FACE HOCUS-POCUS
AFTER WE SAIL, I'M GOING TO THROW YOU OVERBOARD.
- ALL VISITORS ASHORE, PLEASE. ALL VISITORS ASHORE.
ALL VISITORS ASHORE, PLEASE.
[air horn blows]
- YAHOO!
YIPPEE!
WE'RE ON OUR WAY, POP.
YAY!
- HANG ON. - YAHOO!
- LIBERTY-- GIVEN BY THE PEOPLE OF FRANCE
IN FRIENDSHIP AND BROTHERHOOD TO THE PEOPLE
OF THE UNITED STATES IN THE YEAR 1884.
FUNNY, ALL THE THINGS I'VE READ ABOUT THAT STATUE,
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN HER...
IN, UH, PERSON, THAT IS.
WELL, MOTHER, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE TAKE A LITTLE STROLL AROUND THE DECK?
HOW ABOUT, UH, AFT? - ALL RIGHT.
- OH.
- THAT'S, UH, QUITE A SIGHT, ISN'T IT?
- YOU KNOW, ALL THE TIMES I'VE BEEN ACROSS,
I STILL GET A CHARGE OUT OF THE OLD GIRL.
- I GUESS YOU'VE BEEN BACK AND FORTH QUITE A LOT.
- IT'S HIS 13TH CROSSING.
AND ALREADY NICK SAYS IT'S HIS LUCKY ONE.
HIS MOTHER LIVES IN PARIS. SHE'S A CONTESSA, IMAGINE.
AND HE WENT TO SCHOOL THERE PART OF THE TIME.
HIS FATHER--HIS REAL FATHER, THAT IS, LIVES IN NEW YORK
AND IS MARRIED TO A FAMOUS PAINTER.
- YOU MUST LEAD QUITE AN INTERESTING LIFE, MR. O'HARA.
- O'MARA, FATHER-- NICHOLAS O'MARA.
HE'S AN ARCHITECT. - OH.
- WELL, NOT EXACTLY.
I JUST FINISHED MY GRADUATE WORK AT YALE.
- OH, WITH HONORS AND OFFERS FROM ALL SIDES.
AND HIS SKETCHES WON SOME VERY IMPORTANT PRIZE IN NEW YORK.
HE'S GOING OVER TO VISIT HIS MOTHER NOW,
BUT IF EUROPE LOOKS AT ALL INTERESTING THIS SEASON,
HE MAY DO SOME FIELD STUDIES OVER THERE.
- MY, WE CERTAINLY KNOW A LOT ABOUT YOU,
DON'T WE, MR. O'MARA?
- IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'D LIKE TO SHOW AMY AROUND THE SHIP.
- WELL, UH...
HE DID SAY YALE, DIDN'T HE?
- HARRY, SOME OF THE SWEETEST BOYS I KNEW WENT TO YALE.
I HOPE SKIPPER ISN'T GETTING INTO ANY TROUBLE.
- OH, FORGET SKIPPER. THE ONE I'M WORRIED ABOUT IS--
- YOUR CHIN IS HANGING, HARRY.
WELL, THERE'S ONE GIRL WHO WON'T CALL YOU CHUM...
CHUM.
- HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
AND I WAS FEELING SORRY FOR HIM.
- [chuckles] ELLIOTT ENJOYS SUFFERING.
WHY DON'T YOU RELAX?
- [chuckles] ALL RIGHT.
AS THE TRAVEL FOLDERS SAY, WHEN YOU STEP ABOARD
THIS MAGNIFICENT LUXURY LINER,
DULL CARE WILL MAGICALLY VANISH.
ANXIETIES DISAPPEAR.
YOU WILL LIVE FIVE, LOVELY, LAZY, CAREFREE DAYS AFLOAT.
[both chuckle]
I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO WAIT SO LONG, KATIE.
- OH, DARLING, THIS IS ONE
OF THE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT MOMENTS OF MY LIFE.
- YOU KNOW THE MOST WONDERFUL THING ABOUT THIS TRIP?
IT'S GOING TO GIVE ME A CHANCE TO GET REACQUAINTED
WITH MY FAMILY.
WHAT WITH WORK AND ALL, I HAD THE FEELING
I WAS NEGLECTING YOU ALL.
- NONSENSE, DARLING. YOU'VE BEEN A WONDERFUL FATHER.
- I FIGURED OUT A FEW THINGS THAT MIGHT BE FUN
FOR ALL OF US TO DO THIS MORNING.
- OH, I'M AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE TO COUNT ME OUT, DADDY.
I'VE GOT A DATE WITH NICK AT 9:30.
- OH. - BYE, MOM.
- BYE-BYE.
- WELL, I GUESS-- - THAT REMINDS ME.
I BETTER CRANK UP AND FIND THAT EAST INDIAN GIRL.
I WANT TO GET IN SOLID WITH HER BEFORE SOME SHARP OPERATOR
GETS A HOLD OF HER.
- SHE'S VERY LOVELY, ELLIOTT.
- YEAH, KIND OF MYSTERIOUS AND SPIRITUAL.
THAT STUFF DOES SOMETHING TO ME.
HEY, DAD, YOU MAY BE RIGHT
ABOUT THAT RUTH HAMILTON, AFTER ALL.
NEXT TO THIS GIRL, SHE DOES SEEM KIND OF CLUNKY.
- AS YOU CAN SEE ALREADY,
TRAVEL IS BEGINNING TO BROADEN ELLIOTT'S OUTLOOK.
- YES. - [laughs]
- WELL, MOTHER, WHAT DO WE DO THIS MORNING?
I'M NOT GOING TO NEGLECT YOU. - OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT.
I WON'T LET YOU.
I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TO GET MY HAIR WASHED.
- OH, YOU KNOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE ALL GOING TO RUN OFF AND LEAVE ME?
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
- WELL, THERE'S ALWAYS SKIPPER.
YOU SAID YOU WANTED TIME TO KNOW HIM BETTER.
THAT'S RIGHT, FATHER AND SON SHOULD BE BETTER PALS.
WHERE IS SKIPPER?
- WELL, HE MUST BE SOMEPLACE ON THE SHIP.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO WALK ME TO THE BEAUTY SHOP?
- SURE, YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS? - NO.
- WELL, I'LL SHOW YOU.
GOT A LAYOUT OF THE SHIP RIGHT HERE.
- OKAY, POP.
- OH, ALL SET, BOY?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, DON'T BE AFRAID.
JUST TRY TO HIT ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN.
COME ON.
[groans]
- GEE, I DIDN'T HURT YOU, DID I, POP?
- NO, DON'T--DON'T BE SILLY, SKIPPER.
HOW COULD A LITTLE FELLOW LIKE YOU
HURT A BIG FELLOW LIKE ME?
[laughter]
THERE, THAT'S-- THAT'S A VERY GOOD JAB.
GOOD. GOOD, SKIPPER.
THERE YOU GO. CATCH IT.
- NICE CATCH.
- ALL RIGHT, GET THAT ONE. HERE.
- GET THIS ONE.
- OH, WHOA. [laughs]
[breathing heavily]
OH, OH.
[sighs]
[laughs]
- [laughs] SILLY.
OH, WE'RE NOT GOING TO ENGLAND.
FIRST PARIS AND THEN THE RIVIERA.
- WAIT TILL YOU GET TO PARIS. YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT THERE.
YOU REALLY ARE.
HEY.
THERE YOU ARE.
- THANKS.
- IN CANNES, THE BEACH IS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT FELLOW O'MARA?
[both laughing]
- SEARCH ME.
HE'S NO DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER CREEPS
AMY GOES WITH BACK HOME. READY?
GET THIS ONE! - OH.
[laughs] A LITTLE HIGH!
- COME ON, LET'S GO!
- OH!
ALL RIGHT, COME ON. LET IT GO.
- OKAY.
- ATTA BOY.
OH, OH.
I'LL GET IT.
[cracking]
OOH!
OH, THAT'S NICE. EASY.
OH, JUST TAKE IT EASY. OH.
OH!
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THANKS, FELLOWS.
IT'S AN OLD FOOTBALL INJURY.
I GOT IT IN THE PURDUE GAME.
- SKIPPER, YOU WANT TO GO FOR A SWIM?
THEY GOT A PRETTY GOOD POOL IN THIS TUB.
- YEAH, SKIP, WHY DON'T YOU?
- NO, THANKS, FELLOWS. I GOT TO PLAY WITH MY POP.
- OKAY. SO LONG.
- SO LONG, FELLOWS.
- NOW, YOU TAKE THIS MODERN GENERATION,
THE SO-CALLED YOUTH OF AMERICA...
- ONE SPADE.
- PASS.
WHERE MODERN PARENTS GO WRONG IS THEY'VE FORGOTTEN
THE GOOD OLD-FASHIONED PRECEPT,
"SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD."
- JUDGE.
- [mumbling]
TWO CLUBS.
- THREE HEARTS, JUDGE HENDERSON.
- THREE SPADES.
- HARRY.
HARRY? - OH, IT'S MY BID, ISN'T IT?
I PASS.
- PASS.
- THREE NO-TRUMP.
- AS I WAS SAYING, IN ALL THE 32 YEARS
I SPENT ON THE BENCH, THERE NEVER WAS
A WAYWARD BOY OR GIRL BROUGHT BEFORE ME
THAT I COULDN'T TRACK THE CAUSE
TO SOME MISERABLE, INEPT, SLACK-HANDED PARENTS.
HOW SAY YOU, WILLARD?
- UH, GUILTY. [laughs]
I MEAN, UH, I-I PASS.
- HOW MANY CHILDREN DID YOU SAY YOU HAVE, JUDGE?
- I'M SORRY TO SAY, MRS. WILLARD,
WE HAVE NEITHER CHICK NOR CHILD.
DOUBLE.
- RE-DOUBLE.
- I THINK I'LL GO OUT AND STRETCH MY LEGS.
I'M A LITTLE TWINGEY FROM THAT WORKOUT TODAY.
- YOU KNOW WHAT THE TROUBLE WITH MOST PEOPLE IS?
THEY CAN'T DISTINGUISH BETWEEN SHIPBOARD ROMANCE
AND THE REAL THING.
NOW, AS FOR MYSELF...
- MRS. WILLARD.
- OH. OH, YES.
- 200 FOR DOUBLED. YOU RE-DOUBLED.
- RE-DOUBLED. - KATIE.
- OH, HARRY, WE WON RE-DOUBLED.
- FINE, NOW LET'S TURN IN.
- WELL, WHAT'S THE HURRY? IT'S SO EARLY.
- KATIE, WE'RE GOING.
GOOD NIGHT, JUDGE HENDERSON, MRS. HENDERSON.
- GOOD NIGHT. - GOOD NIGHT.
- FORCEFUL DEVIL.
- WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?
WHAT IN THE WORLD'S COME OVER YOU?
- KATIE, WHAT HAVE YOU TOLD AMY ABOUT THINGS?
- THINGS?
- YES, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT--
THINGS.
- OH.
WELL, I'VE ALWAYS ANSWERED EVERY QUESTION HONESTLY,
OR AS HONESTLY AS I COULD.
- BUT WHAT HAS SHE ASKED YOU?
- OH, SHE'S ASKED ME...
- WHAT HAS SHE ASKED YOU?
- SKIPPER'S STILL AWAKE,
AND HE'S GOT EARS LIKE A FOX, YOU KNOW.
- KATIE, WILL YOU PLEASE STOP STALLING?
- OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING AT.
INCIDENTALLY, HAVE YOU DISCUSSED THINGS WITH ELLIOTT?
- ELLIOTT IS ANOTHER SUB-- - SHH!
- HE'S ANOTHER SUBJECT ENTIRELY.
- WELL, IF YOU ASK ME ELLIOTT NEEDS
A LOT MORE HELP THAN AMY.
DID YOU SEE HIM TONIGHT?
- OH.
THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT THAT NICK O'MARA
THAT RAISES MY HACKLES.
HE ADMITS HE WENT TO YALE.
- NOW, HARRY. - I KNOW.
SOME OF THE SWEETEST BOYS YOU KNEW WENT TO YALE.
- AMY CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF. - YEAH.
AND I THOUGHT THE ONLY THING WE HAD TO WORRY ABOUT
ON THIS TRIP WAS TO MAKE SURE EVERYBODY DRANK BOTTLED WATER.
- WELL, IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO MENTION IT AGAIN,
I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT AMY TOLD ME
NOT THREE MONTHS AGO.
- WHAT DID SHE TELL YOU?
- SHE SAID THAT SHE HAD NEVER MET A YOUNG MAN
WHO STIRRED HER UP. - WELL, IS THAT BAD?
- WELL, I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY ABOUT IT.
- TO WORRY?
- YOU DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN TOO STRICT WITH HER, DO YOU?
- I DO NOT. - WILL YOU STOP BARKING?
- I'M SORRY.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAVE TO START PICKING ON POOR AMY.
I COULD UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERN ABOUT ELLIOTT.
DARLING, YOU'RE GETTING ALL WORKED UP OVER NOTHING.
- OVER NOTHING?
- I THINK YOU'RE A TEENY BIT TIRED
FROM ALL THE THINGS YOU'VE BEEN DOING WITH SKIPPER.
- A TEENY BIT TIRED?
A TEENY BIT TIRED!
KATIE, I DON'T KNOW WHY I SHOULD TRY TO HIDE IT FROM YOU.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXHAUSTED IN MY LIFE.
I ACHE IN EVERY BONE IN MY BODY,
FROM THE SCALP OF MY HEAD TO THE SOLES OF MY FEET.
- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE?
COME ON. - HMM?
OH.
THANK YOU.
OH, THAT'S GOOD.
KATIE. - HMM?
- DID YOU EVER READ STATE FAIR,
YOU KNOW, THE BOOK?
- YOU JUST RELAX.
- IT'S ABOUT A FAMILY.
ALL THEY DID WAS GO TO A STATE FAIR.
THE KIDS GOT ALL TANGLED UP IN LOVE AFFAIRS.
- NOW DON'T START IMAGINING THINGS.
- THAT WAS JUST A PLAIN, ORDINARY IOWA STATE FAIR.
HERE WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO EUROPE.
BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY, OH, BOY.
- HARRY, I LOVE YOU.
SOMETIMES I THINK IT'S A MIRACLE, YOU AND I.
I HONESTLY DO.
HARRY. - [snores]
WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHAT?
- HI, MOM! - SHH!
- WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH POP? - NOTHING, DARLING.
BUT IT'S OUR LAST FULL DAY OUT.
MAYBE WE OUGHT TO LET HIM RELAX.
- YOU MEAN I DON'T HAVE TO PLAY WITH HIM TODAY?
- NO. - YIPPEE!
YIPPEE!
LET'S GO!
- OH, I M-MUST HAVE DOZED OFF.
I'VE GOT TO GO AND PLAY WITH SKIPPER.
- WELL, HARRY, SKIPPER DIDN'T WANT ME
TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT YOU'VE WORN HIM OUT COMPLETELY
THE LAST FEW DAYS.
- WHAT?
- WELL, YOU SEEMED TO BE HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME,
HE DIDN'T WANT TO SPOIL YOUR FUN.
- [chuckles] THAT'S GREAT.
I DIDN'T STOP BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO SPOIL HIS FUN.
- SKIPPER MUST LOVE YOU VERY MUCH
TO LET YOU RUN HIM AROUND LIKE THAT.
- [chuckles] OH!
WELL?
- WELL, I HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO THAT PART YET.
- AH, YOU WILL.
- OH, GOOD MORNING, SIR.
- OH, GOOD MORNING.
- MAY I HELP YOU?
- UH, I'D LIKE SOMETHING IN THE WAY
OF A MYSTERY, I GUESS.
I'D LIKE TO READ ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE'S TROUBLES
FOR A CHANGE. - [chuckles]
VERY GOOD, SIR.
WE HAVE ANY NUMBER OF STIMULATING ITEMS
IN THAT CATEGORY.
I RATHER LEAN TOWARD THE INTELLECTUAL-TYPE CRIME, MYSELF.
NOW, IF YOU'LL ALLOW ME TO SUGGEST--
- WELL, I'LL FIND SOMETHING. THANKS VERY MUCH.
- WELL, JUST AS YOU SAY, SIR.
OH, AND, UH, GOOD HUNTING. - THANK YOU.
- OH, GOOD MORNING, DADDY.
- WELL, HI, SWEETHEART.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, STUDYING?
- MM-MM. - OH.
YOU'RE, UH, SUDDENLY INTERESTED IN ARCHITECTURE, HMM?
- MM-HMM.
YOU KNOW, DADDY, YOU'VE GOT A LOT IN COMMON,
YOU AND NICK.
- HOW DO YOU MEAN?
- WELL, NICK'S BEING AN ARCHITECT,
AND YOUR BEING, WELL, SORT OF A BUILDER.
- HONEY, I'M A PLUMBING CONTRACTOR.
- WELL, YOU WORK WITH ARCHITECTS.
- WELL, THAT'S TRUE.
- DADDY, SIT DOWN.
WHAT DO YOU REALLY THINK OF NICK?
- WELL-- - YOU LIKE HIM, DON'T YOU?
- WELL, YES. - YOU DO?
I WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR NICK.
HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU AT ALL.
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
- OH, OH, NOT YOU SPECIFICALLY, I GUESS,
ONLY PEOPLE LIKE YOU--
SORT OF DULL, RESPECTABLE PEOPLE WITH FAMILIES AND SO FORTH.
- OH, I SEE. - HE SAYS THAT--LET IT RIDE.
- NO, GO ON, I'M SLIGHTLY INTERESTED.
- WELL, NICK SAYS THAT EITHER PEOPLE ARE HYPOCRITES,
JUST PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY AND ALL THAT,
OR ELSE, NICK SAYS, THEY'RE DELUDING THEMSELVES,
AND THAT'S EVEN WORSE.
- WELL, HE'S CERTAINLY A SUNNY CHARACTER.
- YOU HAVE TO KNOW NICK TO UNDERSTAND HIM.
- NO, THANKS.
- I KNEW IT.
I KNEW YOU HATED HIM.
- I DIDN'T SAY--
- YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, THAT'S ALL.
HIS FATHER JUST GIVES HIM MONEY
AND THEN PUSHES HIM OFF, AND HIS MOTHER'S EVEN WORSE--
DIVORCED TWICE AND MARRIED THREE TIMES.
AND YET NICK WON'T SAY A WORD AGAINST EITHER OF THEM.
- BUT HE DOES ADMIT HE'S NOT CRAZY ABOUT ME.
- NICK'S A LONELY BOY, POP,
EVEN IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT,
SINCE WE'VE ALL BEEN SO LUCKY IN OUR FAMILY.
SOMETIMES NICK JUST BREAKS MY HEART.
I WISH I'D NEVER MET HIM.
AND THAT'S TRUE.
- DID YOU FIND YOUR MYSTERY, SIR?
- YES.
IT'S CALLED "THE CASE OF THE PUZZLED PARENT
"WHO CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY HIS CHILDREN
KEEP SAYING HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND."
- HMM.
THAT'S AN ODD-ISH TITLE.
- HEY.
- DID YOU PAY ENOUGH RANSOM TO GET US OFF THE SHIP?
- WELL, I TIPPED THE ROOM STEWARD,
THE DINING-ROOM STEWARD, THE DECK STEWARD,
THE GYM INSTRUCTOR, AND SEVERAL OTHERS.
IF ANYONE SMILED AT ME, I-I HANDED THEM MONEY.
- [laughs] BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.
[speaking French]
NOT A PICTURE IN A GIRDLE AD,
NOT A MOVIE IN GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOR,
BUT THE REAL GENUINE ARTICLE.
- AND WHO IS THAT LONE, TRAGIC FIGURE?
- ELLIOTT ISN'T HAPPY THIS MORNING.
- SHARMA'S BEEN LOCKED IN HER CABIN BY HER FATHER.
HE COULDN'T EVEN SAY GOOD-BYE TO HER.
- WELL, THAT'S NOT A BAD WAY TO HANDLE
A GIRL THAT AGE, EITHER.
STILL, IN ALL, I DON'T THINK IT WOULD WORK WITH AMY, DO YOU?
- WELL, I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT AMY.
- WELL, I'M LISTENING.
- WE PROMISED WE'D TELL EACH OTHER
EVERYTHING ABOUT THE CHILDREN, RIGHT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- WELL, THIS IS THE KIND OF A THING
A GIRL REALLY COULDN'T TELL HER FATHER.
IT'S SOMETHING THAT SHE WOULD HAVE TO DISCUSS
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.
- OH. WELL, GO ON.
- WELL, YOU PROMISE NOT TO GET ALL WROUGHT UP?
- I WILL NOT GET ALL WROUGHT UP.
- OKAY.
- KATIE, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE,
IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL ME, TELL ME.
- HEY, POP!
THE BOAT'S GOING TO DOCK SOON!
- YES, WELL, RUN ALONG FOR A FEW MINUTES,
WILL YOU, SKIPPER?
YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE DISCUSSING SOMETHING.
- WELL, HURRY UP, HUH? - YES, WE WILL.
WELL, KATIE?
- WELL, SKIPPER'S RIGHT. THIS COULD WAIT UNTIL LATER.
- KATIE, I AM NOT STIRRING FROM THIS SPOT
UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED.
- WELL, AMY TOLD ME SHE DISCOVERED
SHE HAD A WARM-BLOODED NATURE AFTER ALL.
- WELL, WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN "AFTER ALL"?
- I DIDN'T KNOW THIS, BUT ALL THIS TIME,
WHEN AMY WAS GOING AROUND WITH THOSE BOYS BACK HOME,
SHE--I'M AFRAID SHE HAD THE REPUTATION
OF BEING SORT OF A COLD FISH.
- NOW, LOOK HERE, KATIE--
- WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS
AMY FOUND OUT, TO RESPOND TO A BOY,
SHE HAD TO HAVE SOME GENUINE FEELING FOR HIM,
LIKE NICK O'MARA.
WELL, I THINK THAT'S QUITE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT,
FINDING OUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- SURE, IT'S QUITE AN ACCOMPLISHMENT
FOR THAT PUNK O'MARA.
I'M GOING TO FIND HIM AND-- - HARRY.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. - NOW, DON'T YOU START.
- BUT DON'T YOU SEE IT'S IMPORTANT
THAT AMY'S FOUND OUT SHE'S A VITAL,
WARM-BLOODED YOUNG WOMAN?
AREN'T YOU GLAD?
- GLAD?
- BUT I THINK THE BOY HAS HER A LITTLE PUZZLED.
- WELL, I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING.
HE DOESN'T HAVE ME PUZZLED. - WELL, NOW, WAIT.
- I THINK I'LL HAVE A LITTLE TALK WITH MR. O'MARA.
- HARRY WILLARD, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
NOW, DON'T YOU GO JUMPING IN
WITH YOUR TWO BIG GALUMPHING FEET
AND DRAMATIZE THE SITUATION.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- WELL, WE HAVE TO TRUST AMY.
AMY WOULDN'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN,
AND SHE DIDN'T THINK NICK WANTED ANYTHING TO HAPPEN EITHER.
- OH, HE DIDN'T, HUH?
- WELL, THAT'S WHY THEY'VE BEEN SO QUIET TODAY--
JUST WALKING AROUND NOT SAYING A WORD.
IT'S KIND OF SAD AND TOUCHING.
- TOUCHING? - CERTAINLY.
AMY TOLD ME THAT THE BOY IS SO MIXED UP,
HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS OUT OF LIFE.
HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE, FOR ONE THING.
- OH, SOME SURPRISE.
- OH, I FEEL KIND OF SORRY FOR HIM.
AND SO DOES AMY. - OH.
- MAYBE THAT'S WHAT THE WHOLE THING AMOUNTS TO--PITY.
- OH, SURE.
- WELL, THEY'RE SAYING GOOD-BYE NOW,
AND THAT'LL BE THE END OF IT.
- THE END OF IT?
- YES, NICK'S GOING ON TO LONDON.
- TO LONDON?
WELL, FOR PETE'S SAKE, KATIE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE?
WHAT ARE WE WORRYING ABOUT?
AMY WILL SNAP OUT OF IT ONCE WE HIT PARIS.
COME ON, LET'S GET OFF THIS.
- OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL CITY.
- YOU MEAN WHAT A BEAUTIFUL TOMATO PATCH.
I HAVE A FEELING THAT MY LIFE IS JUST ABOUT TO BEGIN.
[whistle blows]
[tires screech]
- GOLLY...
YOU MISSED HIM.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE TRAFFIC, DARLING.
JUST PRETEND YOU'RE ON THE ROLLER COASTER
BACK HOME AT INDIAN LAKE.
HAVE FUN.
- OKAY, I'M HAVING FUN.
DRIVER, YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL CITY HERE, ALL RIGHT.
- MM-HMM.
- IT'S JUST AN IDEA, BUT MAYBE IF YOU SLOWED DOWN A LITTLE,
WE COULD SEE IT BETTER.
- [speaking French]
- WHAT'S THE FRENCH WORD FOR "SLOW DOWN"?
- HARRY, LOOK AT IT NOW.
ISN'T IT MAGNIFICENT?
[horn honks, tires screech]
- I GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU.
YOU SURE HANDLE THIS LITTLE, UH, THING.
[horn honks] LOOK OUT!
[tires screeching]
LOOK, LET'S TAKE IT A LITTLE EASY, COULD WE?
- [speaking French]
- OUI, OUI, OUI, OUI. WHAT DID HE SAY?
- HE'S SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT DON'T POINT,
IT MAKES HIM NERVOUS.
- OH, IT MAKES HIM NERVOUS?
HEY, THERE'S SOME PEOPLE.
LOOK OUT! [horn honking]
[tires screech]
- VOILA, MONSIEUR.
- [speaking French]
- OUI, MADAME.
- THANKS, POP.
- AMY, YOU SHOULD LOOK AFTER YOUR LUGGAGE, DEAR.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU KIDS COULDN'T WAIT
FOR YOUR ALLOWANCE UNTIL WE'VE AT LEAST HAD
A LOOK AROUND HERE.
THERE YOU ARE, SKIPPER.
- WHAT'S THIS?
- WELL, THAT'S TEN FRANCS.
THAT'S, UH, TWO DOLLARS IN OUR MONEY, OKAY?
- OH, THANKS, POP. - NEXT.
- WHAT A SWEET OLD-FASHIONED HOTEL.
DON'T YOU LOVE IT?
WELL, AS SOON AS WE GET SETTLED
AND I GET A GOOD HOT BATH, I'M GOING TO LOVE EVERYTHING.
- IT SMELLS LIKE SOMEONE'S BEEN SHOEING A HORSE IN HERE.
- THAT'S AGE, DARLING.
IT'S WHAT THE ARTISTS CALL PATINA--
OLD WOOD, OLD DRAPES, OLD CARPETS,
AND WONDERFUL OLD ROMANTIC GHOSTS.
- I THINK IT'S GREAT,
WHICH INCIDENTALLY, IT SHOULD BE,
BECAUSE THE RATES ARE MURDER. - [laughs]
[water whooshing loudly] - HEY!
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- THAT THING IN THERE-- IT GOT ME!
- WHAT THING?
- HOW COME THERE ARE TWO JOHNS IN THE JOHN, ANYWAY?
- WHAT?
- THERE'S TWO-- - NEVER MIND, SKIPPER.
YOUR FATHER WILL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU SOME OTHER TIME.
NOW GO GET YOUR SHIRT CHANGED. - EXPLAIN WHAT?
- IF THEY BUILT THOSE THINGS FOR FELLOWS,
SOMEBODY SURE DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
- MOM!
YOU'VE GOT TO SEE MY BEDROOM.
IT'S JUST FABULOUS. - HEY!
OH.
THERE YOU ARE. - MERCI.
MERCI BEAUCOUP, MONSIEUR - THANK YOU.
- OH, NO.
- WELL, SUNSHINE, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU NOW?
- IT'S THIS HOTEL.
- NOW, ELLIOTT, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT--
- POP, YOU'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
YOU KNOW, WE'RE OVER HERE ON THE RIGHT BANK.
- THE RIGHT BANK?
- WE OUGHT TO BE OVER ON THE LEFT BANK
WHERE ALL THE INTERESTING PEOPLE ARE.
THAT'S WHERE THE ACTION IS.
- RIGHT BANK OR LEFT BANK--WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE, EL?
- OH, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, DAD?
WELL, YOU'VE GOT US HERE WITH A BUNCH OF TOURISTS.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE DRAGGING US OFF TO THE EIFFEL TOWER
OR SOME CORNFLAKE ROUTINE LIKE THAT.
[sighs]
- LOOK, SON...
LET'S GET SOMETHING STRAIGHT AROUND HERE.
WE ARE TOURISTS.
WE'RE NOT PLAYBOYS OR BUSINESS TYCOONS
OR INTERNATIONAL SPIES OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
WE'RE JUST PLAIN TOURISTS FROM TERRE HAUTE, INDIANA.
- POP.
- NOW, FOR A START, IT MIGHT HELP
IF WE STOP SHOWBOATING ALL OVER THE PLACE
AND PRETENDING WE'RE SOMETHING WE'RE NOT.
THEN MAYBE "TOURIST" WON'T BE SUCH A DIRTY WORD ANYMORE.
- WHAT GOT YOU SO WOUND-- - ELLIOTT, I--
- LET'S TELL YOUR FATHER AND ELLIOTT ABOUT IT.
- HARRY, GET YOUR COAT BACK ON.
I'VE GOT A SENSATIONAL IDEA.
IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG?
- NO, NO, ELLIOTT AND I WERE JUST SAYING
HOW MUCH WE LIKE THE HOTEL, WEREN'T WE, ELLIOTT?
- OH, GOSH, MOM, HOW--HOW GREAT CAN A PLACE BE?
- FORGET ABOUT UNPACKING. FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING.
THE WHOLE FAMILY IS GOING TO THE EIFFEL TOWER,
WHERE WE GET OUR FIRST REAL LOOK AT PARIS.
HOW DOES THAT SOUND? - GREAT.
DOESN'T IT SOUND GREAT, ELLIOTT?
IT OUGHT TO BE A BLAST.
- WHAT A PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL, EXCITING CITY.
- IT SURE AIN'T INDIANAPOLIS.
- OH, IT JUST GIVES ME DUCK BUMPS.
LOOK, THE PALACE WHERE THE KINGS AND QUEENS OF FRANCE
USED TO LIVE
AND THE HOTEL ON VILLE DE-- THE TOMB OF NAPOLEON.
IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO APPRECIATE
ALL OF THIS.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? I KNOW WHO NAPOLEON IS.
HE'S THE GUY WHO HAD THE SAME TROUBLE WITH THE ENGLISH
THAT CUSTER DID WITH THE INDIANS.
- HOW HIGH DO YOU SUPPOSE WE ARE?
- THINK WE COULD PROMOTE POP FOR SOMETHING TO EAT?
I'M STARVING.
- TELL THE FOLKS I'LL MEET THEM BACK AT THE HOTEL.
- HEY, WHERE YOU GOING?
- WELL, MOTHER, WE FINALLY MADE IT--
PARIS.
WE'RE ONLY ABOUT 20 YEARS BEHIND SCHEDULE, THAT'S ALL.
- 20 YEARS? WHERE DID IT GO SO FAST?
- I DON'T KNOW. IT'S HARD TO TELL.
THERE'S THAT FIRST NUMBING SENSATION
WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, AND WHEN YOU COME OUT OF THAT,
YOU NOTICE SOME FAMILIAR-LOOKING KIDS
ASKING YOU FOR THE KEYS TO THE CAR.
- HAVE I CHANGED MUCH IN 20 YEARS?
- YEAH, YOU'RE ABOUT TWICE AS BEAUTIFUL NOW.
- TURN YOUR SHOULDER A LITTLE MORE TO THE RIGHT.
- ELLIOTT!
- OKAY, NOW MOVE YOUR RIGHT SHOULDER A LITTLE MORE.
NOW LIFT YOUR CHIN UP.
YEAH, THAT'S PERFECT.
NOW HOLD IT JUST LIKE THAT. DON'T MOVE AN INCH.
- ELLIOTT!
ELLIOTT! GET DOWN FROM THERE!
- RIGHT, DAD. SOON AS I FINISH THIS SHOT.
- WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE, ANYWAY?
- I'VE GOT A GREAT ANGLE, DAD.
- WOULD YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE?
- WILL YOU FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE BE CAREFUL?
YOU CAN BREAK YOUR LEGS.
- DON'T WORRY, MOM. NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
- WELL, JUST DON'T DROP THE CAMERA, THAT'S ALL.
DO YOU WANT TO END UP IN THE FRENCH CLINK?
- DAD'S A GOOD SORT, BUT HE DOESN'T APPROVE
OF THE HAZARDS I FACE IN MY CAMERA WORK.
- NOW, LOOK, ELLIOTT. - DAD, MOM...
I'D LIKE TO PRESENT MISS PENELOPE--
- WALTHORNE. - WALTHORNE.
FROM BRIGHTON, ENGLAND, AND SHE'LL BE GRACING
THIS FAIR CITY FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
I CONSIDER MYSELF EVER SO LUCKY TO MEET YOUR SON.
- YOU DO?
- WELL, I'M HERE ON A CULTURE TOUR,
AND I WANT TO LEARN EVERYTHING I CAN.
- WELL, ACTUALLY, WE'RE ALL LEARNING.
- AND ELLIOTT--I MEAN, MR. WILLARD KNOWS PARIS SO WELL.
HE'S OFFERED TO SHOW ME SOME NICE OUT-OF-THE-WAY PLACES
THE TOURISTS DON'T KNOW ABOUT.
- ELLIOTT KNOWS PARIS?
- WELL, I SUPPOSE NO ONE EVER REALLY KNOWS PARIS, DAD,
NOT IN THE COMPLETE SENSE.
- NO, I DON'T SUPPOSE THEY EVER DO.
SON, I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU. - HARRY.
I REALLY THINK WE SHOULD LEAVE.
WE HAVE TO UNPACK BEFORE DINNER.
- OH.
WELL, MAYBE ELLIOTT CAN USE HIS INFLUENCE
TO GET US INTO ONE OF THOSE CHARMING LITTLE BISTROS
OVER ON THE LEFT BANK WHERE THEY DON'T ALLOW TOURISTS.
DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO ARRANGE THAT, ELLIOTT?
- HEY, POP, COME HERE.
HAVE A LOOK. - WHERE, SKIPPER?
- RIGHT THERE.
- HEY, THAT'S AMY. WHAT'S SHE DOING DOWN THERE?
NO.
NOT THAT, NOT HIM.
KATIE!
- THE SILLIEST THING I EVER HEARD OF--
CANCELING HIS TRIP TO LONDON
AND THEN HIDING ON THE BOAT TRAIN
ALL THE WAY TO PARIS, SPYING ON ME!
NOW, WHAT DID HE THINK I WAS GOING TO DO--
TAKE UP WITH ANOTHER BOY RIGHT OFF THE BAT?
OH, HE MAKES ME FURIOUS.
- WELL, NOW THAT YOU SPEAK OF IT,
HE DOES HAVE AN IRRITATING WAY ABOUT HIM.
IF YOU ASK ME-- - THE GREAT NICK O'MARA...
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? - SHH.
- WELL, WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?
IF HE CAN'T START AT THE TOP--
THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS TO DO, YOU KNOW--
START RIGHT AT THE TOP.
I TOLD HIM WHY DIDN'T HE DO LIKE OTHER BOYS
WHO'D JUST GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE
AND GET A JOB IN AN ARCHITECT'S OFFICE
AND LEARN THE PRACTICAL SIDE TOO.
YOU CAN'T BE AN ARCHITECT
JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN DRAW AND DESIGN.
THERE'S MORE TO IT THAN THAT, ISN'T THAT SO?
- OH, OF COURSE.
UH, WOULD YOU GIVE ME THE SUGAR, AMY, PLEASE?
NOW, WHEN I FIRST GOT INTERESTED IN PLUMBING--
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE HAD THE NERVE TO SAY TO ME?
HE SAID, DID I EXPECT HIM TO GET A JOB
SO THAT HE WOULD HAVE TO SETTLE DOWN
AND BECOME AN ANONYMOUS EIGHT-HOUR-A-DAY VEGETABLE
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE?
BUT I TOLD HIM....
I SAID THAT I DIDN'T GIVE A HOOT IF HE EVER GOT A JOB.
THAT ALL THAT I KNEW WAS IF HE SAT AROUND WAITING
FOR PEOPLE TO COME TO ASK HIM
TO BUILD THEM A HOUSE OR AN OFFICE OR A DOGHOUSE
OR SOMETHING THAT HE'D WAIT ALL HIS LIFE.
- OF COURSE, THAT'S THE WAY IT IS IN ANY BUSINESS.
NOW, YOU TAKE PLUMBING--
- I SAID, AS FAR AS I WAS CONCERNED,
HE MIGHT AS WELL JUST STOP MAKING
ALL THOSE HANDSOME DRAWINGS OF HIS
AND LIVE OFF OF HIS RICH MOTHER FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE
AND FORGET ABOUT BEING ANYTHING ELSE,
BECAUSE HE WAS JUST TOO WEAK, WEAK, WEAK.
AND I TOLD HIM ON THE BOAT TOO THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HIM
IN PARIS OR ANYWHERE ELSE.
AND HERE HE IS, 15 MINUTES LATE.
- AMY, WHERE A GIRL,
OR A GROWN WOMAN FOR THAT MATTER,
MAKES A MISTAKE IN A THING LIKE THIS IS WHEN SHE--
- OH, POP, I HATE MYSELF
FOR SAYING ALL THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS ABOUT NICK.
HE'S REALLY NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL.
HE'S REALLY--WELL, HE'S VERY GENTLE AND CONSIDERATE.
AND I DON'T MEAN POLITE-CONSIDERATE EITHER.
I MEAN, HONESTLY CONSIDERATE.
AND HE'S SO ALONE.
- WELL, THAT'S ALL FINE AND GOOD,
BUT JUST BECAUSE HE'S ALONE-- - OH, NO, IT'S NOT THAT, POP.
IT'S NOT PITY.
I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
I GUESS I'M JUST TOO SELFISH FOR THAT.
IT'S WHAT HE DOES TO ME.
- OH, YOU MEAN, UH...
HE--HE STIRS YOU UP.
UH, YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME ABOUT THAT.
- DID SHE?
I TOLD HER NOT TO, BUT I GUESS I KNEW SHE WOULD.
YOU TWO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?
I MEAN, EVERYTHING.
THAT'S MARVELOUS.
THAT'S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.
BUT NICK COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND ANYTHING LIKE THAT,
THAT POOR-RICH-TRASH WAY HE'S BEEN BROUGHT UP.
- WELL, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, BUT THERE'S NO NEED--
- WHAT KIND OF GIRLS DO YOU THINK HE'S KNOWN, ANYWAY?
THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME SO FURIOUS.
HE CAN'T BELIEVE IN ANYTHING OR ANYBODY.
- AMY, THIS IS JUST A THOUGHT,
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FELLOWS BACK HOME?
YOU KNOW, BOB WHELAN AND TIM BRADLEY.
THEY'RE--THEY'RE NICE KIDS. YOU LIKE THEM.
MAYBE THEY'RE-- THEY'RE NO WORLD SHAKERS,
BUT THEY'RE NICE KIDS. - OH, POP, DON'T RUIN IT.
DON'T 100% PROVE THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- I, UH-- I'M SORRY.
- I'M SORRY TOO.
I GUESS IT'S JUST SOMETHING
THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT THROUGH
BY MYSELF AND GET OVER,
BECAUSE THAT'S JUST WHAT I INTEND TO DO, POP--
GET OVER IT.
- GOOD.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, WHY DON'T WE START THIS MORNING?
WE'LL ALL GO TO THE LOUVRE, THE WHOLE FAMILY--
- OH, I CAN'T DO THAT, POP.
NICK HAS MADE SOME RESERVATIONS
AT A WONDERFUL LITTLE RESTAURANT
OUT NEAR VERSAILLES.
- OH.
- BUT I'M NOT FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM, POP,
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
I COULDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH A MIXED-UP TYPE LIKE THAT.
I'D--I'D BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR LIFE.
[phone rings]
- [speaking French]
MADEMOISELLE WILLARD.
- I'LL--I'LL GET IT, AMY.
- [speaking French]
- YES?
YES, NICK.
OH, YOU'RE OUT IN THE LOBBY.
NO, UH, DON'T COME IN HERE.
SHE'LL BE RIGHT OUT.
- OH, WHY'D YOU DO THAT, POP?
- WELL, AMY, ALL YOUR LIFE, YOUR MOTHER AND I
HAVE BEEN WORKING TO MAKE YOU INTO THE KIND OF A GIRL YOU ARE.
I GUESS MAYBE NOW'S THE TIME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE
ON THE BATTLEFIELD AND SEE HOW IT TURNS OUT.
- THANK YOU FOR THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE.
I'M GOING TO NEED ALL I CAN GET
WITH THE SESSION COMING UP WITH THIS CHARACTER.
OH!
- HARRY, I'M SO EXCITED. LINDSEY WELLS JUST PHONED.
SHE'S LIVING IN PARIS NOW. - WELL.
- AND SHE'S JUST WIRED TWO INVITATIONS
FOR THE SHOWING OF THE NEW YORK COLLECTION.
- OH, WONDERFUL. COME ON, HAVE BREAKFAST.
- NO, DARLING, I HAVE TO RUSH. - YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING TODAY?
- YES, SO YOU SIT DOWN AND HAVE YOUR BREAKFAST.
- WHAT ABOUT OUR PLANS TO GO TO THE LOUVRE?
- BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO GET AN INVITATION TO THAT SHOWING.
- WELL, YEAH--
- IT'S LIKE GETTING INTO BUCKINGHAM PALACE.
- I SUPPOSE IT IS, BUT--
- I'LL SEE YOU AT DINNERTIME, HUH?
- BYE-BYE, ELLIOTT. - BYE-BYE, MOM.
- SKIPPER, BE A GOOD BOY.
- BYE, MOM.
- UH, ELLIOTT.
- GEE, DAD, I'D LIKE TO, BUT I'M TAKING
THIS LITTLE ENGLISH NUMBER OVER TO THE STUDENT QUARTER
AROUND SAINT-GERMAIN-DES-PRES IN THE LEFT BANK.
- OH, UH, OVER WHERE THE ACTION IS.
- YEAH, WE'RE JUST GOING TO KLUTZ AROUND
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
THEN WE'RE GOING TO HAVE LUNCH AT THE CAFE DE DEUX MAGOT.
- "DO MAGO"?
- YEAH, IN ENGLISH, THAT MEANS CAFE--
- DON'T TELL ME. I CAN GUESS.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO HAVE BREAKFAST?
- OH, I'VE HAD IT. ARE YOU KIDDING?
I WAS UP AT DAWN. DAD, I SAW THE SUNRISE.
AND I SAW THE BOATS COMING DOWN THE RIVER
AND THE MEN WATERING DOWN THE STREETS.
OH, DAD, IF YOU COULD JUST GET OFF
THIS TOURIST BEAT OF YOURS AND GET TO KNOW THE REAL PARIS--
- GOOD-BYE, ELLIOTT.
- OKAY, DAD. I'M SORRY FOR YOU.
- SAY, UH, SKIPPER, WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR TODAY?
- WELL, I'M WITH YOU, POP. ANYTHING YOU SAY.
- GOOD. I'LL TELL YOU.
WHY DON'T WE GO TO THE LOUVRE?
- YOU'RE THE BOSS, POP.
THEY GOT ANYTHING FIT TO EAT IN THIS TOWN?
- WELL, THERE IT IS, SKIPPER-- THE LOUVRE.
THE MOST FAMOUS COLLECTION OF ART TREASURES IN THE WORLD.
YOU KNOW, SKIPPER, MOST PEOPLE THINK THE LOUVRE
IS JUST FOR GROWN-UPS.
BUT YOU KNOW THAT PAINTING OF CUSTER'S LAST STAND
YOU'RE SO CRAZY ABOUT? [laughs]
WAIT TILL YOU GET A LOAD OF SOME OF THE BATTLE SCENES
THEY'VE GOT IN THERE.
- OF COURSE, THE WAY YOU TALK ABOUT IT,
I'M JUST DYING TO SEE THE LOUVRE.
- SO?
- SO I'M JUST AFRAID YOU'LL MISS THE SEWERS.
- SEWERS?
- SURE, THEY'RE FAMOUS TOO, YOU KNOW?
- WELL, OF COURSE THEY ARE SKIPPER, BUT--
- REMEMBER THAT MOVIE WE SAW ON TV
ABOUT THE FELLOW WITH THE BEARD,
AND THE POLICE WERE CHASING HIM THROUGH THE SEWERS OF PARIS
AND ALL THAT?
THAT WAS TERRIFIC, WASN'T IT? - WELL, SURE, BUT--
WELL, YOU JUST COULDN'T GO DOWN THERE AND WANDER AROUND, SON.
THE POLICE WOULDN'T LET YOU.
- SURE THEY WILL.
THE FELLOW IN THE HOTEL-- HE EVEN SAID
THAT THEY HAVE A TOUR THAT GOES DOWN THERE,
ONLY ONCE A WEEK, THOUGH.
YOU SEE?
AND THEY'RE LEAVING IN TEN MINUTES!
COME ON, POP. - OH, BUT NOW, SKIPPER, WE--
- I'LL EVEN TREAT YOU.
- AS YOU SEE, THEY'VE LOCATED ONLY
THE FAMOUS PARIS SYSTEM OF SEWERS.
THERE ARE ALSO SUCH USEFUL PUBLIC NEEDS
AS WATER MAINS, TELEPHONE LINES, AND ELECTRIC CABLES.
- THIS IS REALLY INTERESTING, SKIPPER.
I'M GLAD YOU BROUGHT ME DOWN HERE.
[loud hissing]
- THIS PIPE IS A PNEUMATIC SYSTEM
WHICH DELIVERS CERTAIN ITEMS OF MAIL
FROM THE CENTRAL POST OFFICE TO VARIOUS PARTS OF THE CITY.
HEY, MONSIEUR, WATCH YOUR HEAD.
- THEY DID PRETTY NICE WORK IN THOSE DAYS.
- POP. - HMM?
- I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
- WHAT--WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THE HOTEL?
- I DIDN'T HAVE TO THEN!
- OH, WELL, I'M AFRAID YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT, SKIPPER.
- YOU DON'T THINK THEY'D MIND DOWN HERE, DO YOU?
- I'LL TELL YOU. WE'LL ASK THE GUY.
NOW, COME ON, THEY'RE GETTING AHEAD OF US.
COME ON.
- AS YOU SEE DEMONSTRATION, CERTAIN AREAS
ARE MARKED WITH SIGNS EXACTLY AS THE STREETS ABOVE.
THIS IS NECESSARY, BECAUSE EVEN SEWER WORKERS
WITH MANY YEARS EXPERIENCE BECOME EASILY LOST
IN THE VAST LABYRINTH OF TUNNELS
BENEATH THE SURFACE.
- COME ON, SKIPPER, MAYBE WE CAN ASK--
SKIPPER? - LET'S GO.
- SKIPPER?
SKIPPER!
SKIPPER.
SKIPPER?
- MONSIEUR, I MUST ASK YOU TO STAY WITH THE REST OF--
- MY BOY'S BACK HERE SOMEPLACE. HE MIGHT BE LOST.
SKIPPER? - LOOK, SKIPPER.
SKIPPER! - SKIPPER!
- MONSIEUR, NO, JUST A MOMENT.
SKIPPER!
[all shouting]
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. GO BACK, GO BACK.
- SKIPPER?
SKIPPER.
- OH, THERE YOU ARE, BOY.
DO NOT REMOVE YOURSELF AGAIN, HUH?
NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU STAY RIGHT HERE WITH US.
[laughs] COME ON.
MONSIEUR, YOUR SON IS SAFE WITH US.
LET'S GO. [speaking French]
- SKIPPER?
SKIPPER!
SKIPPER?
SKIPPER!
SKIPPER?
SKIPPER.
HELP.
HELP, HELP!
AU SECOURS!
JE SUIS LOST!
[loud hissing]
AU SECOURS!
WHAT DOES THAT SAY?
OH.
SIGNS.
SIGNS, SIGNS, PAGES ONE THROUGH NINE.
[speaking French]
YEAH, YEAH.
DANGER--GAS. NO OPEN FLAME.
OH!
[motor whirring overhead]
AU--AU SECOURS!
HELP! [whistles]
AU SECOURS!
[whistles]
- THE OLDER GENERATION ADMITTEDLY HAS PRETTY MUCH
FOULED THE WORLD UP, AND IT'S, UH...
IT'S UP TO, UH... IT'S UP TO US TO, UH...
SEE THAT?
LOOK AT THAT.
EXCUSEZ-MOI.
GENDARME?
PARDON, MONSIEUR, I KNOW THIS IS PROBABLY
NONE OF MY BUSINESS, NONE OF MY--
BUT--BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?
THAT?
JUST THOUGHT I'D MENTION IT.
THERE'S PROBABLY SOME POOR SOUL IN TROUBLE DOWN THERE.
TROUBLE.
- IT'S ELLIOTT.
ELLIOTT!
ELLIOTT, IT'S DAD!
ELLIOTT, SON!
LOOK, IT'S DAD!
ELLIOTT!
OH, YOU.
- [speaking French]
- [speaking indistinctly]
- OH-OH!
- HI, POP. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
- DON'T YOU TALK TO ME, ELLIOTT--
A BIG HELP YOU ARE STANDING UP THERE DOING NOTHING.
- STANDING UP WHERE? - NEVER MIND, JUST NEVER MIND.
- WHEN ARE WE GOING TO EAT, MOM? I'M STARVING.
- IN A LITTLE WHILE, DARLING. [doorbell buzzes]
HARRY, WHAT KEPT YOU?
IT'S BEEN OVER AN HOUR SINCE YOU PHONED.
- I KNOW, I THOUGHT THE FRESH AIR MIGHT DO ME SOME GOOD.
- MY, YOU'RE A MESS. - I KNOW, KATIE.
- HI, POP.
- "HI, POP," HE SAYS.
- I'M SORRY, BUT THAT GUIDE HAD ME RIGHT BY THE HAND,
AND WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE RIGHT BEHIND US.
- OH, YOU DID, HUH?
WELL, LISTEN, JUST DROP THE WHOLE THING.
- HEY, POP, YOU KNOW, YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT THE LOUVRE.
- DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU WENT TO THE LOUVRE--
I MEAN, LOUVRE?
- YEAH, I DROPPED IN ON THE WAY HOME.
IT WAS TERRIFIC.
YOU OUGHT TO GO THERE SOMETIME, POP.
LOOK, I BROUGHT YOU SOME POSTCARDS.
- THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SKIPPER!
COME ON BACK HERE.
STAND NEXT TO YOUR MOTHER, NOW.
COME ON, THAT A BOY. THERE.
OKAY, SMILE, AMY.
WELL, THERE'S OUR FRIEND AGAIN.
- HARRY.
I'M BEGINNING TO AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT THIS BOY.
AMY COULD GET HURT.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- WELL, HER EYES WERE RED FROM CRYING THIS MORNING,
SO I DECIDED TO ASK HER WHY.
SHE AND NICK HAD AN ARGUMENT YESTERDAY.
- OH? WHAT ABOUT?
- WELL, NICK SAID THAT HE DIDN'T BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE
OR ANYTHING IDIOTIC LIKE THAT,
AND IF SHE WANTED TO HAVE FUN OR A FRIENDLY ARRANGEMENT
OR WHATEVER THEY CALL IT THESE DAYS, THAT WAS FINE WITH HIM.
- THAT'S BIG OF HIM.
- WELL, SHE SIZZLED AND TOLD HIM OFF.
I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE THE END OF IT.
- EVIDENTLY IT WASN'T.
- HARRY, I DON'T LIKE WHAT'S HAPPENING.
I THINK WE SHOULD ASK HER NOT TO SEE HIM ANYMORE.
- NO, I DON'T THINK SO, KATIE.
- YOU DON'T THINK SO? WELL, THAT'S A CHANGE.
- WELL, IF AMY'S ANYTHING LIKE YOU ARE,
WHICH SHE IS, SHE'S NOT GOING TO LIKE OUR BUTTING IN.
REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOUR FATHER TOLD YOU
TO COME BACK FROM INDIANA OR ELSE?
- OH, THAT WAS DIFFERENT.
- NO, NO, NO, THE POINT IS, AMY'S GOT A LOT
OF GOOD COMMON SENSE, RIGHT? - WELL, CERTAINLY.
BUT WHEN A GIRL'S EMOTIONS ARE INVOLVED,
SHE'S OUT OF TOUCH WITH LITTLE THINGS LIKE COMMON SENSE.
- NOW, LISTEN, THIS NICK O'MARA'S A SPOILED BRAT.
HE'S ARROGANT, AND HE'S SELFISH.
AND THE MORE WE THROW THEM TOGETHER,
THE SOONER AMY'S GOING TO FIND THAT OUT, RIGHT?
- OH, I DON'T--
- WHY SHOULD WE MAKE THIS CLOWN LOOK GOOD
BY TRYING TO KEEP THEM APART?
BELIEVE ME, IF WE JUST DON'T MAKE A MARTYR OUT OF HIM,
HE'LL FALL FLAT ON HIS FACE.
- HARRY, YOU SURPRISE ME.
YOU'RE MORE DEVIOUS THAN I GAVE YOU CREDIT FOR.
- WELL, I, UH, HAVE GIVEN THE MATTER SOME THOUGHT.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU HOOSIER MACHIAVELLI.
WHERE'S YOUR FIRST MOVE?
- WELL, AS WE SAY HERE IN PARIS, "REGARDE."
- THEY CALL NOTRE DAME THE HEART OF FRANCE.
EVERY ROAD IN FRANCE HAS ITS GEOGRAPHICAL STARTING POINT
FROM A SPOT IN FRONT OF THE CATHEDRAL.
CONSTRUCTION WAS BEGUN IN 1163.
THAT'S OVER 300 YEARS BEFORE AMERICA WAS DISCOVERED.
YET, FOR MY MONEY, THE FLYING BUTTRESSES
AND, UH, OTHER ARCHITECTURAL FEATURES IN THERE ARE AS MODERN
AS MOST OF THE STUFF THAT THEY'RE BUILDING TODAY.
- 1163, HUH?
- WELL, IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU TO SHOW US AROUND THIS WAY.
- I, UH, HOPE THIS ISN'T TOO BORING FOR YOU.
I MEAN, UH, BEING OUT ON A FAMILY OUTING LIKE THIS.
- OH, NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.
I'M ENJOYING IT VERY MUCH, MR. WILLARD.
IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU TO INVITE ME ALONG.
IN CONTRAST TO NOTRE DAME, WHICH IS GOTHIC,
SACRE COEUR THERE IS BYZANTINE.
IT DOMINATES THE HILL OF MONTMARTRE,
WHICH NOT TOO LONG AGO WAS JUST A LITTLE COUNTRY VILLAGE
OVERLOOKING THE CITY OF PARIS.
- DID YOU KNOW THAT, DADDY?
- WELL, TO TELL YOU TO TRUTH, I DIDN'T.
- OH, DADDY, I'M HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME TODAY.
THANK YOU.
DON'T YOU THINK NICK'S WONDERFUL?
YOU CAN SEE THAT NOW, CAN'T YOU?
- HEY, POP. LOOK WHAT'S COMING.
- AMY.
- WHAT IS YOUR DAUGHTER, CRAZY OR SOMETHING?
- IT'S POSSIBLE.
- SHE'S GOT ME SO BOILED UP, I DON'T KNOW WHICH END'S UP.
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE TO EXPLAIN HER TO ME, WOULD YOU?
- I'M NOT SURE I COULD.
IF I COULD EXPLAIN AMY OR ANY OTHER MEMBER
OF MY FAMILY, ALL THE FUN WOULD BE GONE.
- I GET THE FEELING IF I BRIBED HER
WITH AN ENGAGEMENT RING, SHE'D FEEL DIFFERENT.
- WELL, I CAN TELL YOU THIS.
YOU'RE WRONG THERE.
- SHE PUTS A PRICE ON HERSELF AND A PRETTY HIGH PRICE TOO.
- NOW, LISTEN, YOUNG FELLOW, YOU KEEP TALKING LIKE THAT,
AND I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR CAN ALL THE WAY AROUND THE BLOCK.
AMY ISN'T FOR SALE, AT ANY PRICE.
BUT IF YOU THINK SHE IS, YOU GET THAT ENGAGEMENT RING
AND TRY IT AND SEE WHERE YOU END UP.
- I MIGHT JUST DO THAT. - YOU GO AHEAD.
I'D JUST LIKE TO BE AROUND.
- YOU WILL BE. YOU ALWAYS ARE.
- NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME. - YOU LISTEN TO ME, MR. WILLARD.
I'M JUST TRYING TO BE HONEST.
NOW, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN MARRYING ANYBODY.
I TOLD AMY THAT.
BECAUSE I DON'T HAPPEN TO BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE, THAT'S WHY.
IT STARTS OUT FINE, BUT IT'S A FAKE.
AFTER A WHILE, THE PEOPLE STOP LOVING.
THEY JUST GO ON MAKING BELIEVE, OR THEY FIND SOMEBODY ELSE,
AND THEY GET A DIVORCE, AND THE WHOLE IDIOTIC THING
STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN.
EITHER WAY, IT'S A TRAP.
- SON, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- [chuckles sarcastically]
I JUST HAPPEN TO LOOK A LITTLE MORE DEEPLY
THAN MOST PEOPLE, THAT'S ALL.
I DON'T LET ANYBODY TELL ME WHAT TO BELIEVE OR THINK EITHER.
I MAKE UP MY OWN MIND.
AND IF YOUR DAUGHTER THINKS SHE'S GOING TO CHANGE IT--
- WHO SAID SHE WANTS TO CHANGE IT?
- WELL, SHE THINKS SHE'S GOING TO CHANGE IT
BY PLAYING HARD TO GET, AND THEN GETTING ME
ALL BOILED UP, AND IF YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING TO ARGUE ME INTO BELIEVING--
- I'M NOT TRYING TO ARGUE YOU INTO ANYTHING.
- WELL, IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO ARGUE ME
INTO ANYTHING, YOU'RE AS WRONG AS AMY.
IF YOU CAME ABROAD TO GET A HUSBAND FOR YOUR DAUGHTER--
- WELL, THAT LAST THING I WANT FOR MY DAUGHTER--
- IF THAT'S WHAT YOU CAME ABROAD FOR, COUNT ME OUT.
I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE ME. - THAT'S FOR SURE.
- BUT THAT MEANS LESS THAN NOTHING TO ME.
LET ME TELL YOU, I DON'T PLAY UP TO ANYBODY.
THE ONLY REASON I STARTED TALKING TO YOU
WAS BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN AMY.
BUT I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING
ABOUT ANYBODY IN YOUR FAMILY,
'CAUSE THAT'S THE SAFEST WAY TO BE--DEAF, DUMB AND BLIND.
- LOOK, SON, I DON'T CLAIM TO KNOW EVERYTHING, BECAUSE--
- THAT WAY YOU DON'T HAVE TO REALIZE ANYTHING AROUND YOU,
AND YOU JUST GO ON PRETENDING THAT YOU LOVE THEM ALL,
BECAUSE IT'S A NICE, SAFE HABIT.
- BECAUSE IF I KNEW EVERYTHING, I'D BE LIKE YOU,
AND FROM WHAT I CAN SEE--
- IT GIVES YOU THAT PHONY FEELING OF SELF-IMPORTANCE
TO THINK THAT THEY ALL LOVE YOU BACK.
THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS, NONE OF YOU KNOW
THE FIRST DAMN THING ABOUT LOVE!
NONE OF YOU!
- BUT OF COURSE, MADEMOISELLE.
MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING.
HAS IT BROUGHT ME HAPPINESS?
ONE ASKS THESE THINGS OF ONESELF WHEN...
- GOOD MORNING, ELLIOTT.
MAY I SEE THAT, PLEASE?
OH, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D ROBBED A BANK OR SOMETHING.
- WELL, IT'S FOR APPEARANCE'S SAKE, POP.
I MAY BE THE POOREST AMERICAN IN PARIS,
BUT THERE'S NO POINT IN ADVERTISING.
- I SEE.
- AND INCIDENTALLY, SPEAKING OF MONEY--
- ELLIOTT, I AM IN GOOD SPIRITS THIS MORNING,
AND I'M NOT GOING TO START THE DAY OFF ARGUING
ABOUT YOUR ALLOWANCE.
HAS YOUR MOTHER GONE OUT? - YEP.
- HOW ABOUT SKIPPER? - YEP.
- AND WHERE'S AMY?
- SEARCH ME.
- ELLIOTT?
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO THE LOUVRE WITH ME THIS MORNING?
- OH, IT'S TOO NICE A DAY, POP.
CHECK ME NEXT TIME IT RAINS.
- OKAY, THEN I'LL GO BY MYSELF.
HMM.
- BONJOUR, MONSIEUR.
- OH, BONJOUR.
SAY, THE LOUVRE.
THAT OPENS AT 10:00, N'EST-CE PAS?
- THAT IS CORRECT, MONSIEUR.
- BON.
THEN I THINK I'LL HAVE A LITTLE PETIT DEJEUNER.
- MM. - AVEC A--
I MEAN, UH, AVES VOUS, UH, HAM AND EGGS?
- HAM AND EGGS, AMERICAN STYLE.
- OUI. CAFE NOIR.
- AND BLACK COFFEE.
- GOOD.
WOULD YOU BRING THAT TOUT DE SUITE?
- RIGHT AWAY, MONSIEUR.
- GOOD. I MEAN, BON.
- WOULD YOU CARE FOR A CIGARETTE?
- OH, NO, THANK YOU. I DON'T SMOKE BEFORE BREAKFAST.
I, UH-- THANKS VERY MUCH.
- MAY I JOIN YOU?
- CERTAINLY.
- MONSIEUR? - OH, MERCI.
UH? - OH, THANK YOU.
[speaking French] - [speaking French]
- YOU'RE AMERICAN?
- YES, I GUESS IT SHOWS, HUH?
- RICH, OF COURSE.
- NO, NO, NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.
I'M A PLUMBING CONTRACTOR, BUT I GUESS EVERYBODY THINKS
ANYONE WHO HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH PLUMBING IS RICH.
- SO NOW YOU HAVE COME TO FRANCE.
WHY?
- WELL, I GUESS, WAY DOWN, EVERY AMERICAN
IS SORT OF IN LOVE WITH FRANCE, AND SOONER OR LATER,
IF HE GETS THE CHANCE, HE COMES OVER HERE
TO FIND OUT WHY.
- OH.
MERCI.
THERE ARE MANY BEAUTIFUL THINGS HERE--
THE COUNTRYSIDE, THE ARTS, THE RESTAURANTS.
- YES, I'M REALLY ENJOYING IT.
- ALSO, THERE IS ROMANCE.
- OH.
WELL, YOU'RE A VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.
- THANK YOU.
- BUT I, UH-- I HAVE A PROBLEM.
- OH, HOW DO YOU SAY IT?
YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTOOD AT HOME, AND YOUR WIFE IS--
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S JUST THE OPPOSITE. MY WIFE KNOWS ME LIKE A BOOK.
THE THING IS, UH, I LOVE MY WIFE VERY MUCH.
SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD,
AT LEAST TO ME SHE IS.
AND WE HAVE THREE KIDS, AND THEY'RE ALL KIND OF NUTTY
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER,
BUT I'M CRAZY ABOUT THEM TOO, SO, UH...
- [speaking French]
- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- OH, I'M SORRY.
I SAID, "I BELIEVE YOU TRULY ARE A RICH AMERICAN."
- OH.
I HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY YOUR STAY IN FRANCE.
- I'M SURE I WILL.
- IT WAS VERY PLEASANT TO MEET YOU.
- THANK YOU.
- AU REVOIR.
- GOOD-BYE.
- YOUR HAM AND EGGS, MONSIEUR.
- OH.
- GARCON? - MONSIEUR?
- I THINK I'D LIKE A SMALL BOTTLE OF WINE, PLEASE.
- OUI, MONSIEUR.
WHAT KIND?
- OH, UH, WHATEVER KIND GOES WITH HAM AND EGGS.
[chuckles]
- OF COURSE.
[horn honking]
[Elliott laughing]
[speaking French]
OR SHOULD I SAY, [speaking French]?
I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU KNOW,
MONEY IS VERY DECEPTIVE.
I MEAN, IT'S INTERESTING, YOU KNOW?
YOU TAKE MONEY-- WELL, JUST TO LOOK AT ME.
THE ORDINARY PERSON WOULDN'T KNOW
THAT I HAD MONEY, WOULD THEY?
SEE, I DON'T THINK MONEY SHOULD BE AN OSTENTATIOUS THING.
I THINK IT SHOULD BE SORT OF A BASIC FEELING WITHIN YOU
THAT YOU KNOW HOW TO HANDLE YOURSELF
IN SITUATIONS THAT--
OOH. OH, HELLO, POP.
UH, I'M GLAD YOU STOPPED BY.
I WANT YOU TO MEET A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.
SHE'S, UH, VERY SOCIAL. WONDERFUL FAMILY.
SHE'S BEEN TELLING ME ABOUT HER STUDIES AT THE SORBONNE.
- IS THIS ONE OF THEM?
- YES.
- COME ON, ELLIOTT. - WHY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- GOOD-BYE, MY FRIEND.
- HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- GO WITH YOUR FATHER, PLEASE.
- ELLIOTT.
- UH, MADEMOISELLE, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY
WE TOOK UP SO MUCH OF YOUR TIME.
- IT'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT.
MONSIEUR.
- DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SONS ABROAD IN PARIS?
- YES, I HAVE ONE.
HE'S JUST 12 YEARS OLD.
- THANK YOU.
- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, POP. LISTEN, LET ME EXPLAIN THIS.
SHE CAME TO THE-- WELL, LOOK, I'LL SHOW YOU.
I WAS SITTING HERE, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS,
AND SHE CAME TO ME. POP, THAT'S THE TRUTH.
SHE SAID, "WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A DRINK?"
- AND I SAID, "YES, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A DRINK."
AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW, SHE SAT DOWN,
AND WE HAD A DRINK, AND THEN YOU CAME UP.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW MUCH TIME HAD GONE BY.
- HI, MOM! - HELLO, SKIPPER.
PUT THOSE IN MY ROOM, HUH, DARLING?
- UH-HUH.
- WELL, HARRY. - HI, KATIE.
- YOU'RE BACK FROM THE LOUVRE ALREADY?
HOW WAS IT?
- WELL, I DIDN'T GET THERE.
IT SEEMS THAT EVERY TIME I TRY TO GET TO THE LOUVRE,
SOMETHING HAPPENS.
LIKE THIS MORNING, I WAS...
- YOU LIKE IT?
- YOUR HAIR?
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IT?
- WELL, IT'S THE LATEST THING OVER HERE.
THEY MADE IT SOUND SO EXCITING.
THEY SAID IT WOULD CHANGE MY WHOLE PERSONALITY.
- OH?
- AS SOON AS I SAW IT, I COULD SEE YOUR FACE
JUST THE WAY IT LOOKS RIGHT NOW.
- OH, WELL...
HMM.
YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
- YEAH, YES, IT'S CUTE.
- YOU'D NEVER USE THAT WORD UNLESS YOU LOATHED IT.
- WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN CUTE. I MEAN, IT'S, UH...
WELL, IT'S PRETTY.
- HARRY, THERE'S NOTHING THAT MAKES ME ANGRIER
THAN HAVING YOU AGREE WITH ME WHEN YOU DON'T MEAN IT.
- I DO MEAN IT, KATIE. I-IT'S REAL SNAZZY.
IT'S JUST THAT--WELL, YOU KIND OR SURPRISED ME,
THAT'S ALL. - IT'LL GROW OUT.
MY HAIR GROWS VERY FAST. - OH, NOW, KATIE.
- WOW, NEAT-O.
WHO'S YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND, POP?
- THANK YOU, SKIPPER.
- AND WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY, ELLIOTT?
- HMM...
WELL, IT DOES MAKE YOU LOOK YOUNGER,
IF THAT'S YOUR POINT,
BUT I'D ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOU AS OLDER.
[doorbell buzzes] - WELL, THANKS A LOT.
THAT'S WHAT YOUR FATHER THINKS TOO.
- OH, NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, KATIE. I DON'T THINK ANY SUCH THING.
- I WOULDN'T GO IN THERE IF I WERE YOU.
POP HATES MOM'S NEW HAIRDO.
- I DO NOT HATE IT.
ALL I SAID TO YOUR MOTHER WAS, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IT?"
I DIDN'T MEAN-- - OH, MOTHER.
IT'S THE MOST STUNNING THING I'VE EVER SEEN--
ABSOLUTELY DIVINE.
- IS THAT SO, DEAR?
- I REALLY LIKE IT, KATIE.
- MOTHER, YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE ALL THE MEN IN PARIS
OUT OF THEIR MINDS.
WAIT TILL THEY SEE YOU AT THE PARTY TONIGHT.
- PARTY?
- YES, AND DO YOU KNOW WHO'S INVITED US?
THE COMTESSE. THE COMTESSE DUFRESNE.
- WHO'S THAT?
- THE COMTESSE, NICK'S MOTHER.
- NICK'S MOTHER?
- YES, SHE HAS THIS FAMOUS HOUSE IN AUTET.
ABSOLUTELY EVERYBODY IN PARIS WILL BE THERE,
BECAUSE SHE'S INTRODUCING HER NEW PROTEGE--
A YOUNG ARGENTINE CONCERT PIANIST,
HER THIRD PROTEGE IN SIX MONTHS.
- BUT I, UH--I THOUGHT AFTER WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY,
YOU AND NICK WERE ALL-
- OH, DADDY, THAT WAS YESTERDAY.
- OH.
- WELL, ANYWAY, SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT NICK AND ME,
SO NOTHING WOULD DO, BUT SHE HAD TO HAVE
US ALL OUT THERE TO LOOK US OVER.
- TO LOOK US OVER?
- WELL, CERTAINLY.
SHE'S PROBABLY VERY JEALOUS ABOUT NICK,
BUT I WANT TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND ABOUT HER.
- OH, OF COURSE.
- COME ON, MOTHER, WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO WEAR.
- KATIE, I DON'T THINK WE OUGHT TO GET MIXED UP--
- OH, HARRY, THIS IS PARIS, DARLING, REMEMBER?
WORST COMES TO WORST, WE'LL HAVE A MARVELOUS TIME
SEEING ALL THESE PEOPLE. - YEAH.
- AMY, DO YOU THINK MY BLACK SHEATH IS DRESSY ENOUGH?
- KATIE, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE.
[indistinct chatter]
- IF MY LUCK HOLDS OUT, SHE WON'T BE HERE TONIGHT.
- EXCUSE ME. - YES, DEAR.
- MOTHER, THE WILLARDS HAVE ARRIVED.
- OH.
HOLD THAT FOR ME, PLEASE. COME ALONG, DARLING.
BARON.
[speaking German]
DARLINGS, DARLINGS, DARLINGS, NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T TELL ME WHO YOU ARE. YOU'RE THE WILLARDS.
AREN'T YOUR PRECIOUS, MRS. WILLARD?
ADORABLE, MR. WILLARD-- SO TALL AND HANDSOME.
ISN'T HE THE LONGEST THING?
AND YOU MUST BE AMY.
WHY, YOU'RE A RAVING BEAUTY.
WHY, AMY, YOU CHARMER.
NO WONDER YOU'VE DRIVEN MY DARLING NICKY-POO
TO DISTRACTION.
- THIS IS MY MOTHER.
- COME ALONG, DEARS, COME ALONG.
[gasps] SUCH A GHASTLY PARTY, DARLINGS--
ONE OF MY VERY WORST.
BUT ALL THE MOST AMUSING PEOPLE ARE IN THE COTE D'AZUR
THIS TIME OF YEAR.
NO ONE HERE BUT THE SWEEPINGS, THE DREGS,
THE ABSOLUTE DREGS OF PARIS. [laughs]
BUT I JUST COULDN'T WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE
TO SHOW OFF MY DARLING CARLOS.
THERE HE IS OVER THERE AT THE PIANO.
WHAT A DELICIOUSLY EVIL FACE HE HAS, DON'T YOU THINK?
IF THERE'S ONE THING I CAN'T STAND
IT'S A CLEAN-CUT MAN.
WHAT DID YOU SAY YOUR NAME WAS, DEAR?
- OH, KATIE. - KATE--KATIE?
OH, HOW CHARMING, HOW HONEST AND TRUE,
HOW AMERICAN, MOON SHINING OVER THE BACK FENCE.
HOW IN SWEET HADES, KATIE, DO YOU MANAGE
TO KEEP YOUR LOOKS--
I MEAN, GROWN-UP CHILDREN AND ALL?
EVERY MAN IN THIS ROOM IS DYING TO GET HIS HANDS ON YOU.
COME ON, DARLINGS. COME ON, DEARS, COME ALONG.
- OH, HARRY, THAT'S SO SILLY.
- OH, KATIE, DARLING.
COME ALONG.
- HARRY, I--
- I WANT YOU TO MEET THE MOST DIVINE MAN.
HE HASN'T TAKEN HIS EYES OFF YOU SINCE YOU CAME IN.
- MONSIEUR. - UH, NO, NO, THANKS.
UH, WAIT A MINUTE, MAYBE THIS LITTLE THING RIGHT HERE.
WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?
OH, YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH, HUH?
- [speaking French]
IT LIFTS OFF THE INHIBITIONS, MONSIEUR.
ALLOWS ONE TO GAZE AT ONE'S INNER BEING.
- WELL. - TRES DESIRABLE, NO?
- WELL, YEAH, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT DOING THAT VERY THING.
HEY, THAT'S VERY TASTY.
YOU MEAN THAT'S REAL LIQUOR?
IT KIND OF TASTES LIKE LICORICE WATER.
- OOH, OOH, OOH, SIP IT SLOWLY, MONSIEUR.
SUCH A DRINK DOES NOT MAKE FRIENDS IN A HURRY.
- WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH.
- [laughs] MY DARLINGS.
THE MOST AMUSING THING--
MY DEAREST NICKY, SO CHARMING AND HANDSOME,
WANTS TO GO TO WORK.
- NICKY? [speaking French]
- STARTING AS A LITTLE MOUSE
IN SOME DREARY ARCHITECT'S OFFICE BACK IN THE STATES.
CAN YOU IMAGINE OUR NICHOLAS
SHARPENING PENCILS, BUYING SANDWICHES,
RUNNING ERRANDS? [laughter]
- CUT IT OUT, MOTHER. - NICKY, DARLING.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY MONEY AND YOU WANT TO EARN
A BIT OF YOUR OWN, I'LL SPEAK TO SOME
OF MY DEAR, DULL FRIENDS, AND YOU CAN HAVE
ALL THE COMMISSIONS YOU WANT,
BUILDING LOVELY BUILDINGS ALL OVER EUROPE.
AND HE CAN HAVE HIS OWN LITTLE PEOPLE
TO RUN ERRANDS AND SHARPEN PENCILS.
NOW, WHY ARE YOU GLARING AT ME THAT WAY, NICKY DARLING?
EVERYTHING'S SO RIDICULOUS.
- LOVELY WOMAN.
- OH. OH.
YES, THAT HAPPENS TO BE--
- POOR CREATURE COMES INNOCENTLY TO PARIS
AND RUNS DEAD-ON INTO THE LEADER OF THE WOLF PACK.
- WHO?
- THE DEVIL HIMSELF, RUDOLPH HUNSCHAK.
- OH.
- ARE YOU GOING TO SAY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF HIM?
- NO, I'M SORRY, I HAVEN'T.
- HUNSCHAK IS THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN IN EUROPE.
- FOR WOMEN? - FOR HUSBANDS.
RUDOLPH'S ONLY INTERESTED IN A WOMAN IF SHE'S MARRIED.
IT'S HIS SPECIALITY. - OH.
WELL, I'M AFRAID HE'S GOING TO HAVE
A LITTLE PROBLEM THIS TIME.
- AFRAID YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR MAN, OLD CHAP.
RUDOLPH NEVER GIVES UP UNTIL HE WINS.
- I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR WOMAN, OLD CHAP.
- YOU DON'T MEAN TO SAY THAT YOU'RE THE--
I SAY, OLD MAN, I'M MOST TERRIBLY SORRY I...
- VERY GOOD.
SAY, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I, UH, FEEL KIND OF SILLY
WALKING AROUND WITH THIS LITTLE EYEDROPPER, SO...
I BET YOU IT'LL SAVE YOU A FEW STEPS.
OH, I'M SORRY.
I KEEP FORGETTING YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.
MERCI.
- I'M SORRY, NICK.
- WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE'S KIDDING?
SHE'S NOT ABOUT TO TURN ME LOOSE, NOT HER.
OH, SHE MIGHT GO FOR A WEDDING, ALL RIGHT.
GIVE HER A CHANCE TO PLAY THE DOTING MOTHER FOR A WHILE.
BUT AFTERWARD, HONEY, SHE'D SABOTAGE YOU
IN THREE DAYS FLAT.
- NICK, FORGET ABOUT YOU AND ME.
THAT'S DONE WITH.
BUT HONESTLY, DON'T YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO GET AWAY FROM HERE,
GET A JOB, FIND A PLACE FOR YOURSELF--
- AMY.
MOTHER'S A BIZARRE OLD GIRL, BUT SHE'S SMART.
SHE KNOWS ME BETTER THAN I DO MYSELF.
SHE KNOWS I COULDN'T MAKE IT IN A LOUSY JOB
BACK IN NEW YORK. - NICK, YOU'RE NOT--
- SO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR. JUST STAY OUT OF THIS.
- YOU'RE NOT BEING FAIR TO YOURSELF.
- [speaking French]
- I'M SORRY, WHAT DID YOU SAY?
- SHE SAID, WOULD YOU BE ANGRY IF SHE DANCED WITH ME?
- [speaking French]
MADEMOISELLE AMY... [speaking French]
- MERCI.
- NICK.
- LOOK, AMY.
ELOISA'S PERFECTLY SATISFIED WITH ME THE WAY I AM.
SHE ISN'T TRYING TO CHANGE ME.
- HARRY.
- OH, THERE YOU ARE, KATIE.
- I'D LIKE TO GO HOME NOW. - GO HOME?
HOME'S THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY, KATIE.
WE'RE IN PARIS. ENJOY YOURSELF, HAVE FUN.
ISN'T THAT WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR?
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BOYFRIEND?
- YOU STOP THAT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? STOP IT, YOU HEAR ME?
- HOW CAN I HEAR YOU, KATIE, WITH ALL THIS
GAY PARISIAN GAIETY GOING ON?
- WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THIS BEFORE.
- I'VE NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS BEFORE, KATIE.
I'M AWAKE. I'M ALIVE.
FOR THE FIRST TIME, I SEE MY WIFE
AS SHE REALLY IS-- A FEMME FATALE.
MEN FALLING ALL OVER THEMSELVES TRYING TO GET NEAR YOU,
KISSING YOUR HAND... - OH, HARRY, NOW, THAT'S--
- MAKING LOVE TO YOU WITH THEIR EYES.
OOH, HERE HE COMES NOW.
- HERE YOU ARE, MADAME.
- THANK YOU.
- YOU ARE UNDOUBTEDLY THE HUSBAND.
- OUI. - I'M RUDOLPH HUNSCHAK.
I'VE BEEN ENJOYING YOUR WIFE--
SO SPARKLING, SO CHARMING, SO FRESH.
- YOU'RE A LITTLE FRESH YOURSELF, RUDOLPH.
I'VE HEARD ABOUT YOU.
THEY TELL ME YOU'RE QUITE A CHARACTER.
BUT THAT'S OKAY, JUST AS LONG AS KATIE'S HAVING A GOOD TIME.
- IT'S GETTING VERY LATE.
- SUCH LOVELY HAIR, SO DISTINCT.
WHO BUT SOMEONE WITH A FACE LIKE MADAME
CAN MAKE THIS STYLE A PERSONAL TRIUMPH?
- OH, REALLY?
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT THE OLD WAY.
- IT'S GETTING VERY LATE.
- NOW, KATIE, IT'S JUST THE SHANK OF THE EVENING.
- OH, NO, MR. WILLARD.
BETTER YOU TAKE THE LOVELY MADAME SAFELY AWAY.
WITH MANY MEN AROUND HERE, IT'S NOT SAFE.
- KATIE? [laughs]
MY WIFE WOULD BE SAFE ANYPLACE.
OH, NOW, KATIE, I DIDN'T MEAN IT QUITE THAT WAY.
- I WOULD LIKE TO GO HOME.
- MADAME WILLARD HAS BEEN DISCUSSING YOU.
SHE WILL SPEAK OF LITTLE ELSE.
SHE WARNED ME OF YOUR VIOLENT TEMPER.
BUT NOW THAT I MEET YOU, I SEE THAT SHE EXAGGERATES.
- AH, PARDON ME, SWEETHEART.
DID SHE ALSO HAPPEN TO MENTION THAT I WAS ONCE
A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER? - WRESTLER?
WHAT IS THIS--OH.
I SEE THAT YOU'RE PULLING MY LEG.
- [laughing] BROTHER, WHEN I PULL YOUR LEG,
YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW IT.
[laughs] TAKE IT EASY, KATIE.
WE'RE JUST HAVING A LITTLE FRIENDLY DISCUSSION, THAT'S ALL.
OH.
OH...
BOY, YOU DO GET AROUND, DON'T YOU?
OH, DON'T GO AWAY. DON'T GO AWAY.
MERCI.
HI, BABY.
WHY AREN'T YOU IN THERE "FOLDEROLLING" AROUND?
- NICHOLAS O'MARA, ESQUIRE.
BOY, I GUESS I KNOW HIM FOR WHAT HE REALLY IS NOW.
"GET A JOB," I SAID.
THAT'S FUNNY.
HE'S THE ORIGINAL HOLLOW REED, THAT'S WHAT HE IS.
- WELL, NOW, I THINK MAYBE THAT'S ABOUT ENOUGH OF THAT.
NOT THAT I'M JEALOUS-- I DON'T GET JEALOUS.
I DON'T LIKE IT-- THAT'S WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO.
- WITHOUT HIS LOVING MOTHER TO BACK HIM UP,
HE COULDN'T GET A JOB POURING WATER OUT OF A BOOT.
- SOME HUSBANDS WOULD BE JEALOUS, BUT NOT ME.
BUT I CAN GET ANNOYED.
- DADDY, I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT TO SPOIL MOTHER'S FUN,
BUT I FEEL LIKE A PERFECT FOOL STAYING AROUND HERE.
WILL YOU TAKE ME BACK TO THE HOTEL?
- YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE FELLOW WITH THE BEARD WAS RIGHT.
THIS STUFF REALLY LOOSENS UP YOUR INHIBITIONS.
NOW, THIS ISN'T A SUDDEN IMPULSE ON MY PART, MIND YOU.
I THOUGHT OF IT WAY BACK-- WELL, SHORTLY AFTER
I SAT DOWN HERE.
I REASONED THE WHOLE THING OUT VERY "CALCULATALY"--
UH, VERY CAREFULLY.
- DADDY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- NO REASON IN THE WORLD WHY I SHOULDN'T DO IT.
OF COURSE THERE MIGHT BE A COUPLE,
BUT WE'LL JUST IGNORE THEM.
- DO WHAT?
- HANG ONE NICE BIG SHANDY ON RUDOLPH,
THE RED-NOSED HUNGARIAN.
NOW...
- DADDY.
DADDY? - OH.
HI, BABY.
OH, BOY.
DID I HIT HIM OR VICE VERSA?
- NO, I'M AFRAID WHAT YOU WERE DRINKING
GOT YOU FIRST.
- THAT'S TOO BAD.
IT WAS THAT GREEN-LIQUOR STUFF.
I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A KID ONCE,
I GOT SICK FROM EATING TOO MUCH LICORICE.
- HERE, DADDY, DRINK THIS. - NO, NO.
I DON'T THINK I'D BETTER.
- COME ON, IT'LL BE GOOD FOR YOU.
- WELL, OKAY.
I-I-I CAN SIT UP, I-I THINK.
YEAH.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
[sighs]
OH, YOU POOR KID.
YOU LEFT THE PARTY ON ACCOUNT OF ME, HUH?
WHERE'S YOUR MOTHER? HAS SHE GONE TO BED?
- OH, NO, SHE'S STILL AT THE PARTY.
- STILL AT THE PARTY?
OH, SHE DOESN'T KNOW, HUH?
- OH, DADDY, I DIDN'T WANT TO UPSET HER.
YOU WERE ABSOLUTELY GREEN.
- I-I...
- BESIDES, A NICE CAB DRIVER HELPED ME GET YOU
OUT THROUGH THE TERRACE AND BACK TO THE HOTEL.
- THAT WAS NICE OF HIM. - HERE, FINISH THIS.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, THANKS.
HEY, I'VE GOT TO GO AND RESCUE YOUR MOTHER
FROM THAT HUNGARIAN WOLFHOUND.
- OOH, DADDY. HADN'T YOU BETTER REST?
- NO, NO, NO.
THERE'S A TIME FOR REST AND A TIME FOR ACTION.
WHERE--WHERE'S MY COAT?
- UH, IT'S OVER THERE. - ALL RIGHT.
NOW, YOU BETTER GO TO BED NOW.
THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF ME. GOOD NIGHT.
- HARRY? - HMM?
OH, HI, THERE. - ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- ALL RIGHT?
WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME? OF COURSE I'M ALL RIGHT.
- WELL, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
- OH, OUT ON THE TOWN.
YOU KNOW, THE WAY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN GAY OLD PARIS.
- YOU'RE UPSET, AREN'T YOU?
- UPSET? ME? [laughs]
- WELL, THAT'S HILARIOUS. - OH, SURE, THAT'S ME.
GOOD OLD HILARIOUS HARRY--
ALWAYS THERE TO COME HOME TO.
- HARRY, I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME.
ARE YOU LISTENING? - MM.
- WELL, NOW, WHY DIDN'T YOU--
WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?
- OH, IF YOU THINK IT'S IMPORTANT, I'LL LISTEN.
GO AHEAD. - WE'LL YOU'D BETTER.
YOU JUST BETTER.
NOW WHY DIDN'T YOU LEND A HELPING HAND
BACK AT THE PARTY?
YOU COULD SEE I NEEDED HELP TO GET RID OF THAT LEECH.
- OH, NOW, KATIE, IS THAT ANY WAY TO TALK
ABOUT A DASHING HUNGARIAN ROMEO WHO'S JUST TAKEN YOU OUT
FOR A BEAUTIFUL EVENING?
- NOW GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE.
- YOU KNOW, HON, I'M HUNGRY.
I THINK I'LL HAVE SOMETHING SENT UP.
YOU DON'T MIND IF I EAT WHILE YOU TALK, DO YOU?
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN ME.
HOW ABOUT SOME HUNGARIAN GOULASH?
- HARRY WILLARD, NOW YOU SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME.
YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT OTHER MEN,
ALL OTHER MEN,
AND ESPECIALLY THOSE UNATTACHED HANDSOME JOES
THAT GO AROUND MAKING A PASS AT EVERYONE WOMAN THEY MEET.
- OH, YOU THINK HE'S HANDSOME, DO YOU?
AND WHEN DID HE MAKE THE PASS-- IN THE TAXI?
- RUDOLPH DIDN'T EXACTLY-- - YOU CALL HIM RUDOLPH NOW.
WHY NOT "RUDY?"
I COULDN'T HELP KNOWING HIS NAME, COULD I?
I'VE BEEN WITH THE MAN FOR FOUR HOURS.
- DID I ASK YOU WHERE YOU'VE BEEN?
DID I ASK YOU ONCE? - WELL, I'M TELLING YOU.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SO CHARGED UP ABOUT, KATIE.
I THINK I'M BEING A PERFECT GENTLEMAN,
UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES
OF YOU GETTING STONED AND LEAVING ME
HIGH AND DRY AT THE PARTY?
I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THE FACT
THAT RUDOLPH THOUGHT HE GLIMPSED YOU LEAVING THE PARTY
WITH A YOUNG GIRL,
BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE IT-- NOT YOU.
- OH, YOU KNOW ME BACKWARD AND FORWARDS, DON'T YOU?
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU THOUGHT TO CALL THE HOTEL HERE.
- I DID! WELL, RATHER, RUDOLPH DID.
HE CALLED TWICE AND SAID NO ONE ANSWERED.
- OH, THAT'S WHAT HE SAID, HUH? - YES, HE DID.
AND HE ALSO SAID HE KNEW EVERY BAR IN PARIS
WHERE AMERICANS WANDER INTO WHEN THEY'VE HAD TOO MANY.
- OH. - SO HE VOLUNTEERED TO HELP.
- I BET HE JUST COULDN'T WAIT TO FIND ME.
- HARRY, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE JEALOUS,
I'D RATHER YOU STOP PUSSYFOOTING AROUND
AND COME RIGHT OUT AND BE JEALOUS.
DON'T BUILD IT INTO SOMETHING ELSE.
- OH, YOU MEAN THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE?
- IF YOU DON'T STOP THIS, I'M GOING TO THROW SOMETHING.
- ALL RIGHT, HOW ABOUT SOMETHING HEAVY?
HOW ABOUT THIS?
- OH, HARRY, SIT DOWN, AND LET'S BE CALM.
- I'M CALM. - WELL, SIT DOWN, ANYWAY.
I COULDN'T HELP IT.
I KNOW RUDOLPH PULLED A FAST ONE.
HE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE YOU WERE, AND HE DIDN'T CARE.
HE WANTED TO BE ALONE WITH ME.
- AHA, THEN YOU DO ADMIT THAT.
- DAMNATION, HARRY, DAMNATION.
- SHH, WE HAVE NEIGHBORS, YOU KNOW.
- DAMNATION TO THE NEIGHBORS TOO.
I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO TELL YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.
- WELL, WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE LAST BAR,
LOOKING FOR YOU, I CALLED A TAXI.
WELL, FRIEND RUDOLPH HOPPED INTO THE TAXI WITH ME.
AND THEN DRIVING THROUGH THE PARK--
- THROUGH THE PARK? - YES, THROUGH THE PARK.
HOW DO I KNOW WHAT HE TOLD THE DRIVER?
HE KISSED ME.
- HE KISSED YOU? - YES.
NOW, YOU SEE, I'M TELLING YOU EVERYTHING.
AND I SLAPPED HIM HARD AND DID THAT FEEL GOOD.
- THE KISS? - THE SLAP!
- OH.
- THEN I TOLD THE TAXI DRIVER TO BRING ME HERE TOUT SUITE.
AND I COME IN HERE TO THIS,
TO YOU, ACTING LIKE THIS, WHEN IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT
TO BEGIN WITH.
AND A LOT OF APPRECIATION I GET,
TRAIPSING ALL OVER TOWN LOOKING FOR YOU.
AND IF YOU DON'T TAKE THAT EXPRESSION OFF YOUR FACE,
I'M GOING TO SLAP IT.
- ALL I KNOW IS IT'S VERY DIFFICULT
TO KISS A GIRL WHEN SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE KISSED.
- WHY, YOU--
NOW I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED.
- DO YOU WANT TO GET US TOSSED OUT OF HERE?
YOU MIGHT HAVE HIT SOMEBODY DOWN THERE.
KATIE.
- YOU OUGHT TO COME BACK IN, POP.
THE WATER'S GREAT. [laughter]
- MY FRENCH IS PRETTY BAD.
I WANT TO ASK YOU, WHAT'S THE WORD FOR THIS?
- LA CHEVEUX.
- LA CHEVEUX? - OUI.
- GOOD, GREAT.
NOW--NOW, WHAT'S THE WORD FOR THIS?
- LA OEIL. - LA OEIL?
- [laughing] NO. LA OEIL.
- LA OEIL. - OUI.
- OH, JE COMPRENDS, JE COMPRENDS.
NOW--NOW, WHAT'S THIS? WHAT'S THIS RIGHT THERE?
- LA BOUCHE.
- OUI.
- NOW, WHAT'S THIS RIGHT HERE?
- WELL, ONE THING YOU'VE GOT TO SAY ABOUT THAT KID.
HE KNOWS HOW TO MAKE AN ASSET OUT OF A LANGUAGE BARRIER.
- HOW DO YOU LIKE ELLIOTT'S MUSTACHE, POP?
- I THINK I LIKE THE ONE ON THE GIRL'S MOTHER BETTER.
- SHE SURE IS KEEPING A CLOSE WATCH ON HIM.
- PERSONALLY, I DON'T BLAME HER.
- ONE THING--THEY SURE GOT A LOT OF GIRLS AROUND HERE.
- YEAH, THAT ONE-TRACK MIND OF ELLIOTT'S IS LIABLE TO CRACK
UNDER THE WHOLE WONDERFUL STRAIN.
- HOLA, MONSIEUR.
- MERCI, MONSIEUR.
[speaking French]
S'IL VOUS PLAIT. - OUI.
- OH, NO, MONSIEUR. KEEP THE CHANGE.
- MERCI BEAUCOUP, MONSIEUR.
- YOU KNOW, MONEY'S LIKE A BIRD. IT COMES, AND IT GOES.
[knock at door]
- OH.
- MADAME WILLARD. - OH, MERCI.
- WHY, HARRY...
YOU'RE A DARLING. THANK YOU.
- UH, KATIE. - YOU DIDN'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE.
IT WAS JUST AS MUCH MY FAULT IN PARIS
AS IT WAS YOURS. - NOW, LOOK, KATIE.
- YOU ALWAYS SEND ME FLOWERS WHEN YOU FEEL GUILTY
ABOUT SOMETHING.
- I DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING,
AND I DIDN'T SEND YOU THE FLOWERS.
IF ANYBODY SHOULD FEEL GUILT ABOUT SOMETHING...
"DEAR MADAME WILLARD"-- I SUPPOSE IT SHOULD BE WILL-ARD.
"IS IT NOT A BEAUTIFUL COINCIDENCE
"THAT I HAPPENED TO ARRIVE ON BUSINESS?
"WE SHALL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO CONTINUE OUR CONVERSATION,
"WHICH BEGAN SO CHARMINGLY IN PARIS.
"KINDEST REGARDS TO YOUR HUSBAND."
OH, I'LL BET.
"WITH DEEP ADMIRATION, RUDOLPH."
- WELL, ISN'T THAT ODD?
- YES, IT IS ODD.
HOW DID HE FIND OUT WE WERE HERE?
- WELL, I DON'T REALLY KNOW, DEAR.
UH, IT COULD HAVE COME OUT OF A CONVERSATION
AT THE CONTESSA'S.
- OH.
- BUT THEY ARE LOVELY, AREN'T THEY?
- YEAH, I GUESS, IF YOU HAPPEN TO LIKE FLOWERS.
[sighs]
- HAVING A GOOD TIME, POP? - [chuckles]
YOU KNOW, SKIPPER,
RIGHT NOW IS PRACTICALLY THE FIRST MOMENT OF PEACE
I'VE HAD SINCE WE LEFT TERRE HAUTE.
- POP? - HMM?
- IT'S AMY.
- UH, WHERE'S SHE BEEN KEEPING HERSELF?
I'VE HARDLY SEEN THE GIRL SINCE WE GOT DOWN HERE.
- POP, YOU BETTER TAKE A LOOK.
- NOT NOW. - POP!
- ALL RIGHT, WHERE?
- YOU CAN'T MISS HER.
IT'S THAT LEOPARD DEAL COMING DOWN THE BOARDWALK.
- OH, YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN, SKIPPER.
THAT COULDN'T BE AMY.
NO...
NOT MY LITTLE GIRL.
[barking]
[men whistling]
- JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
- WELL, MR. O'MARA,
WON'T THE GIRLS IN PARIS BE LONELY WITH YOU HERE?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THAT CREEPY SUIT?
- WILL YOU PLEASE LET ME ALONE?
- I SUGGEST YOU DO AS MADEMOISELLE WISHES.
- NOW, WHAT'S THE IDEA EXPOSING YOURSELF
TO EVERYONE LIKE THAT?
- STRANGE--
I THOUGHT YOU LIKED YOUR GIRLS EASY AND BREEZY.
WELL, MAYBE I'M JUST A LITTLE BIT TIRED
OF BEING SWEET, SQUARE AMY FROM TERRE HAUTE.
- SHUT UP AND GET BACK TO THE HOTEL...
RIGHT NOW, AND PUT ON SOMETHING DECENT.
- MONSIEUR, YOU ARE BECOMING A NUISANCE.
- PLEASE, NICK. - I SAID, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON,
AND I MEAN IT.
- WILL YOU LET ME GO? - AMY!
HEY, FELLOWS, NOW--
AMY!
AMY.
AMY, YOU COME BACK HERE!
AMY!
AMY.
- THANKS.
HEY!
HEY.
- AMY!
[engine sputtering]
[engine turning]
- [crying]
- I'M SORRY, BABY, SO VERY SORRY.
- I GUESS I'M JUST NOT AS GROWN-UP AS I THOUGHT I WAS.
- I DON'T LIKE SEEING THINGS LIKE THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.
I FEEL SO HELPLESS.
WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL, I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT TO DO,
BUT NOW I--
- ONLY ONE PERSON CAN HELP ME NOW, DADDY, AND THAT'S ME.
I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE NICK AGAIN.
YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT HIM ALL ALONG.
- I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT, AMY.
I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.
I KNOW NOTHING I COULD SAY RIGHT NOW COULD HELP.
ONLY ONE MORE DAY, BABY, AND WE'LL BE LEAVING FOR HOME,
WHERE WE REALLY BELONG.
MAYBE WHEN WE GET BACK THERE, ALL THIS WON'T SEEM
SO IMPORTANT, HMM?
- [crying]
- SO TOMORROW WE'RE LEAVING FOR HOME.
[speaking French]
- OUI.
- BUT FIRST, MY WIFE-- MY FEMME AND I
ARE GOING TO HELP YOU FRANCAIS CELEBRATE BASTILLE DAY.
TONIGHT WE'RE GOING OUT ON THE TOWN.
UH, SUR LA VIE. - OUI.
- UH, DINNER, DANCING, MONTE CARLO.
UH, WE'RE GOING TO SHOOT THE WORKS.
[laughing] I DON'T KNOW THE FRENCH FOR THAT.
UNE PLUS GRANDE SOIREE. - OUI, MONSIEUR.
- IT SURE IS A SHAME I HAVE TO LEAVE FRANCE
JUST WHEN I'M GETTING SO I CAN HANDLE THE LANGUAGE.
NE PAS? JUST PUT IT THERE.
S'IL VOUS PLAIT. - HI, POP.
- OH, BONJOUR, ELLIOTT. WHAT'S NEW WITH YOU TODAY?
WELL, UH, BONJOUR, MADEMOISELLE.
- DAD, YOU REMEMBER FLORELLE.
- NO. - FROM THE BEACH.
- OH.
I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HER WITH HER--I MEAN, SHE--
WELL, HOW ARE THE, UH, FRENCH LESSONS COMING?
- [sobbing]
- AND THIS IS HER MOTHER, DAD-- MADAME CLEBERT.
- YES, BONJOUR.
- YOUR SON, MONSIEUR, WILL INFORM YOU
THAT WE ARE HERE ON A MISSION.
- OH? WHAT MISSION IS THAT?
- DAD, I--
- VERY WELL, MONSIEUR.
THEN IT IS MY DUTY TO SPEAK.
IT CANNOT BE DONE.
THE RICH AMERICAN CANNOT DO THIS THING.
- WHAT CAN HE NOT DO?
- IT MAY SEEM NOTHING IN YOUR COUNTRY, MONSIEUR.
BUT YOU WILL FIND IT IS A COSTLY BUSINESS HERE.
- BUT WHAT IS?
- AH... [chuckles]
HE SMILES.
HE MAKES AMERICAN JOKE.
IT IS NOT AMUSING, MONSIEUR, YOU WILL FIND.
THE POLICE TAKE INTEREST IN PROTECTING THE VIRTUE
OF MY DAUGHTER. - POP, I--
- WOULD YOU SHUT UP, RICH AMERICAN?
- BELIEVE ME, DAD, I DIDN'T--
- WILL YOU PIPE DOWN, PLEASE?
GO ON, MADAME.
- [speaking French]
IF YOU WISH THE SCANDAL,
YOU MAY HAVE THE SCANDAL.
BUT YOU WISH TO CLOSE THE MATTER WITHOUT A SCANDAL,
WE CAN DO SO WITH QUICKNESS.
- I SEE.
MADAME, UH, HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY COMPENSATE YOU
FOR THE VIRTUE OF YOUR DAUGHTER?
- DAD, IF I COULD JUST SAY SOMETHING--
- HOW MUCH, MADAME?
- MONSIEUR COMPREND, YES.
HE DOES NOT GO WILD IN THE EYE.
OH, MONSIEUR-- INTELLIGENT MAN.
- THANK YOU.
HOW MUCH?
- OUT OF THE WISDOM OF HIS UNDERSTANDING,
WHICH I SEE DEMONSTRATION,
MY DAUGHTER AND MYSELF
LEAVE THIS MATTER IN THE HAND OF THE SO INTELLIGENT...
[speaking French]
MONSIEUR.
- OH, WELL, FINE.
BECAUSE STRANGELY ENOUGH, I FEEL THERE'S GOING TO BE
A HAPPY ENDING FOR BOTH FLORELLE AND MY SON.
- MONSIEUR?
- SIT DOWN, ELLIOTT.
MADAME, YOU HAVE MADE ME A VERY HAPPY MAN.
MY SON WILL MARRY YOUR DAUGHTER.
- MARRY?
- HEY, POP! - YOU SHUT YOUR YAP.
THAT'S THE WAY WE DO THINGS BACK IN TERRE HAUTE, MADAME.
YOU KNOW, FOR A WHILE THERE, I WAS AFRAID
WE'D NEVER FIND A WIFE FOR THIS BOY.
BUT YOUR LOVELY DAUGHTER IS AN ANSWER TO A FATHER'S PRAYER.
- OH, MONSIEUR MAKES THE JOKES. [laughs]
- NO, MONSIEUR DOES NOT MAKE THE JOKE.
SIT DOWN, MADAME. TAKE A LOAD OFF YOUR FEET.
MY WIFE SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
AS LONG AS YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN THE FAMILY,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL MEET US ALL, HUH?
- MAMA, HE SPEAKS OF THE MARRIAGE?
- YES, THAT'S WHAT HE SPEAKS OF.
- MONSIEUR IS...
HOW YOU SAY, COMICAL MAN?
HMM? [laughs]
MONSIEUR MAKES THE JOKES.
- [chuckles nervously]
- NO, HE DOES NOT MAKE THE JOKE.
MONSIEUR IS VERY SERIOUS.
- POP, I HATE TO INTERRUPT YOU--
- WELL, THEN DON'T.
NOW, LET'S SEE, MADAME.
HOW OLD DID YOU SAY YOUR DAUGHTER WAS?
WELL, SHE'S NOT AS YOUNG AS SHE LOOKS, IS SHE?
BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT, AS LONG AS SHE'S A GOOD WORKER.
IS SHE STRONG? - STRONG?
- YES, FOR THE FARM.
SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO WORK ON THE FARM.
- FARM? - OH, YES, YES.
YOU SEE, MADAME, YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT AMERICANS.
THEY'RE NOT ALL RICH, YOU KNOW?
NOW YOU TAKE US--WE'VE JUST GOT THIS LITTLE ROCKY OLD FARM
BACK IN INDIANA.
NOW, OF COURSE, ON OUR FARM, THE WOMEN DO MOST OF THE WORK.
LIKE, MY WIFE AND DAUGHTER WORK FROM WAY BEFORE SUNUP
TO WAY AFTER SUNDOWN.
WE CAN SURE USE ANOTHER HAND. NOW, HOW IS FLORELLE WITH COWS?
- COWS?
- WELL, HOW ABOUT SHEEP, THEN?
- SHEEP? [speaking French]
WE JUST ESCAPED THE SHEEP.
THAT IS WHY WE LEFT NORMANDY, TO ESCAPE THE SHEEP.
- OH, WELL, THAT JUST SHOWS YOU HOW LIFE GOES ROUND AND ROUND,
DOESN'T IT?
I'LL TELL YOU-- MAYBE WE'LL JUST PUT HER
IN CHARGE OF SLOPPING THE HOGS, HUH?
- MAMA.
- I THINK THIS WHOLE HAPPY OCCASION
CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION, MADAME, HUH?
COME ON, NOW, WE'LL HAVE SOME CHAMPAGNE.
COME RIGHT ALONG.
THIS IS THE WAY WE OPEN IT OUT IN THE WILD WEST.
I HOPE THIS IS A GOOD YEAR.
I KNOW HOW FUSSY YOU FRENCH ARE ABOUT YOUR CHAMPAGNE.
- OH, MONSIEUR. - I BEG YOUR PARDON.
- [speaking French]
- WELL, FOU TO YOU TOO, MADAME.
- [speaking French]
- OH, DON'T LEAVE. THE PARTY'S JUST STARTED.
- YOU KNOW, I GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU, POP.
SHE REALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE FOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT FOU IS?
FOU IS THE FRENCH WORD FOR CRAZY, POP.
- ELLIOTT-- - NO, POP!
NO!
- HELLO, DARLING. - OH, HI, KATIE.
- DID YOU HAVE A NICE DAY?
- OH, JUST ROUTINE.
- OH, HARRY, I'M SO EXCITED. THIS IS OUR NIGHT,
JUST THE TWO OF US--
ABSOLUTELY NO CHILDREN.
HARRY, IT'S GOING TO BE THE MOST PERFECT EVENING....
WITHOUT ONE JARRING NOTE TO SPOIL IT, NOT ONE.
- KATIE, I, UH--
- AND THAT INCLUDES RUDOLPH AND HIS STUPID FLOWERS.
- BUT THOSE WERE--
MY FLOWERS.
[indistinct chatter]
WELL...
- HARRY, I MEANT WHAT I SAID.
I WANT THIS TO BE A WONDERFUL EVENING,
AND IF YOU DO ONE SINGLE THING TO SPOIL IT...
- I'M NOT GOING TO SPOIL ANYTHING.
HEY, YOU'RE WINNING.
- YES, HOW'D YOU DO? - I LOST IT ALL.
- OH, HERE.
- OH, THANK YOU, I'LL GIVE YOU AN I.O.U. LATER, OKAY?
I THINK I'LL TRY A LITTLE CHEMIN DE FER.
- AH, THE HUSBAND, AS USUAL.
I WOULDN'T TRY ANYTHING VIOLENT IF I WERE YOU, MR. WILLARD.
I'M A MASTER OF KARATE.
[all screaming]
- I CAN FIND MY OWN WAY OUT.
WELL, OUT THE BACK DOOR, HUH?
WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH, FELLOWS.
WELL, GOOD EVENING.
TELL ME, DO EITHER OF YOU FELLOWS SPEAK ENGLISH?
I MEAN, UH--
WELL, YOU DON'T.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T BELIEVE I'VE EVER BEEN
IN THIS PART OF TOWN BEFORE.
IT'S AWFULLY NICE OF YOU TO SHOW ME AROUND LIKE THIS.
YOU SHOULDN'T GO TO ALL THIS TROUBLE.
MY, THIS IS CERTAINLY A WONDERFUL PLACE, ISN'T IT?
OH, I'LL TELL YOU. WELL--
WELL, YOU COULD JUST DROP ME ANYPLACE ALONG HERE, FELLOWS.
AFTER ALL, THIS IS-- THANKS VERY MUCH, FELLOWS.
WELL, WAIT A MINUTE.
- [speaking French]
IT'S ALL RIGHT, MR. WILLARD. HE SAID YOU COULD COME WITH ME.
- WELL, THANKS.
- THEY, UH, DON'T LIKE UNFAVORABLE PUBLICITY
AT THE CASINO, SO THEY TURN UNDESIRABLE CHARACTERS
OVER TO THE FRENCH POLICE THIS WAY.
- HOW DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, THAT LITTLE CAFE THERE IS SMACK ON THE BORDER.
THE FRONT DOOR'S IN MONACO, AND THE BACK DOOR'S RIGHT HERE
ON THE BORDER OF FRANCE. IT'S DONE ALL THE TIME.
- YEAH.
WELL, I'VE GOT TO LET MY WIFE KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME SOME WAY.
- I SENT HER BACK TO THE HOTEL IN A TAXI.
- WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT.
I'M SORRY TO HAVE CAUSED YOU SO MUCH TROUBLE.
- HOP IN. I'LL DRIVE YOU BACK TO THE HOTEL.
I GOT A FEW QUESTIONS I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU, SIR.
- ALL RIGHT, NICK.
MAYBE THERE ARE A COUPLE I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU TOO.
- WHY'D YOU SOCK HIM?
- [chuckles] THAT'S EASY.
HE HAD IT COMING.
- YOU DID IT BECAUSE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH YOUR WIFE,
DIDN'T YOU?
- YEAH.
- HOW LONG YOU BEEN MARRIED?
- 22 YEARS.
- HONEST...
22 YEARS.
THE SAME WOMAN-- YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T JUST LOVE HER, NOT JUST THAT.
YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HER.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- THAT'S WHY YOU SOCKED HIM, HUH?
- SURE. AND I'D DO IT AGAIN.
YOU WANT TO TURN AROUND AND GO BACK, I'LL SHOW YOU.
- [chuckles]
- CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION NOW?
- SHOOT.
- TELL ME...
WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU AND AMY?
I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU THAT BUSINESS
ABOUT "A FATHER HAS A RIGHT," BUT I'D LIKE TO KNOW.
- I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN.
- TRY.
- WELL, IT GOES A LONG WAY BACK.
I'M JUST GETTING IT STRAIGHT MYSELF.
YOU SEE, I NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE YOU BEFORE,
LIKE AMY EITHER.
WHEN SHE LEFT PARIS, MY WORLD FELL APART.
I BEGAN TO THINK I WAS REALLY IN LOVE, MR. WILLARD,
I MEAN, REALLY IN LOVE.
BUT I KNEW THAT WAS A PHONY IDEA.
AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I KEPT TELLING MYSELF,
'CAUSE I KNEW BETTER.
YOU FOLLOW ME?
- GO ON.
- WELL, I FOLLOWED AMY DOWN FROM PARIS.
AND YOU SAW WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
SHE BOUGHT THAT STUPID BATHING SUIT
'CAUSE SHE THOUGHT IT MADE HER INTO THE KIND OF GIRL I WANTED.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME.
GOT HER OUT IN THAT BOAT.
I TOLD HER SHE WAS NOTHING BUT A POOR LITTLE HICK,
THAT YOU WERE ALL HICKS, WHO DIDN'T KNOW
THE FIRST THING ABOUT REALITIES, THAT YOU WERE ALL
RUINING HER LIFE, AND SHE COULD CHOOSE RIGHT THEN
BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED THEN.
I'M THE WORLD'S WORST, MR. WILLARD.
YOU HAD ME PEGGED FROM THE VERY BEGINNING,
DIDN'T YOU?
- WELL, I--
- AFTER 22 YEARS, YOU'RE STILL IN LOVE
WITH YOUR WIFE, AREN'T YOU?
I WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED THAT WAS POSSIBLE.
- NICK, WHY DON'T YOU COME IN AND TALK TO AMY?
ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO TELL HER?
- NO.
I'M, UH, GOING BACK TO NEW YORK.
I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT LOUSY JOB.
WHO KNOWS? MAYBE I CAN MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF MYSELF.
- GOOD-BYE, NICK.
- TAKE CARE OF AMY, MR. WILLARD.
SEE THAT SHE'S, UH...
WELL, YOU KNOW, JUST TAKE CARE OF HER, HUH?
- I WILL, NICK.
- WHY COULDN'T I HAVE HAD AN OLD MAN LIKE YOU?
- DADDY?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
WE'VE BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
- OH, YEAH, I'M ALL RIGHT.
DIDN'T YOU SEE WHO THAT WAS?
HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO NEW YORK.
HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT TAKING THAT LOUSY JOB.
- WELL, FOR GOODNESS SAKES, DADDY,
STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.
- WELL, DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?
- OH, OF COURSE IT DOES.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO, FALL APART?
GIVE YOURSELF A LITTLE CREDIT, DADDY.
YOU RAISED A GIRL WITH SOME GUMPTION.
- WELL, AMY, I-- - HEY, POP!
WE HEARD ABOUT THE BIG RHUBARB--WHAM!
- IS IT TRUE, DAD?
THEY SAID YOU PRACTICALLY WRECKED THE CASINO
WITH ONE PUNCH. - YEAH!
- WELL, NOT THE WHOLE CASINO, BUT NEVER MIND THAT.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU MOTHER IS?
- SHE'S OVER THERE.
- I THINK I'M IN TROUBLE.
- OH, UH, AMY?
- OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, POP.
I'M GOING OUT WITH MY TWO BROTHERS TONIGHT.
YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN PROBLEMS.
- OKAY.
WELL...
I'M SORRY, KATIE. - SORRY?
- I DIDN'T MEAN TO SPOIL YOUR EVENING.
- SPOIL IT?
IT'S STILL BY ALL ODDS, ON ALL COUNTS
THE MOST PERFECT EVENING OF MY LIFE.
- REALLY, KATIE?
- [speaking French]
- OH, OUI, INDEED.
- I WOULDN'T WANT IT TO GET AROUND TERRE HAUTE,
BUT MY FAVORITE MEMORY WILL ALWAYS BE
THE EXPRESSION ON RUDOLPH'S FACE
AS HE LAY AMONGST THE SHATTERED RUINS
OF THE ROULETTE TABLE. [both laughing]
- [speaking French]
- OH, THAT'S ME IN THERE. WELL, I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
- BOTTOMS UP.
OKAY.
- AH. - AH.
- VIVE LA FAMILY WILLARD.
- OUI.
- VIVE AMY. - VIVE AMY.
- VIVE SKIPPER. - VIVE SKIPPER.
VIVE EVEN ELLIOTT. [both laugh]
- BOTTOMS UP? - MM.
- OKAY.
- AH.
OH, I FORGOT-- VIVELA BELLE FRANCE.
AND A HAPPY BASTILLE DAY TO YOU.
- THANK YOU, MADAME.
- [laughs]
VIVE MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE.
BOTTOMS UP.
[distant music playing]
- DO I HEAR MUSIC?
- OF COURSE, MADAME.
THEY ARE CELEBRATING IN THE SQUARE NEARBY.
- WITHOUT US? - JUST HERE, YEAH.
- HARRY, COME ON. - OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
- OH, MERCI, MONSIEUR. - THANK YOU.
- OH, THANK YOU.
MERCI.
- OH! - I'LL GO GET A TAXI.
- A TAXI, WHEN WE CAN FLY?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FLY?
KATIE?
YOU FORGOT YOUR SHOES.
KATIE.
HEY, WAIT, WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE, KATIE.
HEY, KATE!
I JUST WANT TO GIVE MY WIFE HER SHOES.
- HEY!
- HEY, KATE!
WHAT'S THE MATTER, OFFICER? WHAT DID I DO?
OH, YOU THINK I'M CHASING-- LOOK, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S JUST MY WIFE. - [speaking French]
- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT.
LOOK, I'M TRYING TO GIVE HER HER SHOES, SEE?
[speaking French] IT'S MY WIFE.
I'LL TELL YOU, THERE'S THE RING, SEE, OKAY?
- NO--OKAY.
- WELL, HI.
- EXCUSEZ-MOI. - YEAH, EXCUSE US MORE.
- I LOVE YOU, HARRY. I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE HIM.
WE HAVEN'T SAID THAT IN A LONG TIME.
HAVE WE? - NO.
YOU SEE, THIS IS MY WIFE. MY FEMME.
ALL RIGHT?
- OKAY.
[celebratory music]
*
- UH, YEAH.
OH, IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID? [chuckles]
ALL RIGHT.
UH, MAYBE UNDER HERE, HUH?
- EXCUSE ME.
- OUR CHILDREN ARE HERE.
- DO WE HAVE CHILDREN?
DIDN'T WE JUST MEET?
DO WE HAVE CHILDREN ALREADY?
- MM-HMM.
- * BON VOYAGE [fireworks exploding]
* MON CHERI
* [singing in French]
*
* BON VOYAGE