PREVIOUSLY ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...
ALAN, THIS IS VANESSA WALKER.
SHE'S FROM OUR NEW YORK OFFICE.
SHE INVITED ME TO JOIN CRANE, POOLE & SCHMIDT.
I'M A BIG FAN OF DIVERSITY. I DATE MIDGETS, YOU KNOW?
AND THEIR MOTHERS. I, UH, GOT KICKED OUT OF MY GYM.
IT'S AN ALL-GIRLS GYM. THAT'S THE REASON YOU WENT BACK TO THAT CLUB AS CLARENCE--
SO SANDY COULD MEET YOU.
CLARENCE, I'D LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH YOU.
I'M HEARING THAT JEFFREY COHO
HAS SET HIS LITTLE "ANTENNAE" ON DENISE.
I WOULD LIKE TO START SEEING YOU. FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE TERM "FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS" MEANS? YOU SLUT.
***
DENISE...
I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
YOUR BUSY HANDS FROM AFAR.
I FIND THERE'S LITTLE
MORE INTOXICATING
THAN A PRETTY WOMAN WITH A BUSY HAND.
I IMAGINE LATER TONIGHT,
WHEN I LET MY MIND WANDER TO YOU,
AS IT SO INVARIABLY DOES,
MY HAND, TOO, WILL BECOME BUSY.
ALAN, YOU'VE MET VANESSA, RIGHT?
(chuckles)
OUT OF CURIOSITY,
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WOMEN IN THE WORKPLACE SUED YOU?
IT NEVER GETS OLD.
WILL YOU BE SUING ME?
I CAN'T FLY. YOU'RE JUST DISCOVERING THIS?
BELLA AND I WERE HEADED FOR HAWAII.
I GOT DETAINED AT THE AIRPORT. THEY WOULDN'T LET ME BOARD. WHY?
ACCORDING TO THEIR RECORDS, I'M A TERRORIST. WHAT?
THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID, "A TERRORIST."
NOW BELLA'S IN HAWAII, AND I'M NOT.
ALAN, YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME. OKAY.
NOBODY GETS AWAY WITH CALLING DENNY CRANE A TERRORIST.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?
PERFECT WORLD, WE BLOW 'EM UP. SHORT OF THAT?
SLEEP WITH THEIR WIVES. YOU CAN DO BETTER.
DAUGHTERS? DENNY, YOU'RE AN AMERICAN.
WHAT DOES ANY TRUE RED-WHITE-AND-BLUE AMERICAN DO
WHEN HE'S BEEN WRONGED OR EVEN SLIGHTLY PUT OUT
FOR THAT MATTER?
WE SUE.
***
VANESSA, THANKS FOR COMING.
(door shuts)
THIS IS HELEN CHOI.
NICE TO MEET YOU. HELLO.
LET'S JUST JUMP RIGHT IN SINCE TIME IS RUNNING SHORT.
HELEN TEACHES FIRST GRADE IN ALLSTON.
SHE TRAGICALLY HAD ONE OF HER STUDENTS PASS AWAY
DUE TO AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO PEANUTS.
OH, I'M SO SORRY.
THE PARENTS ARE SUING HER FOR WRONGFUL DEATH,
CITING HER NEGLIGENCE IN THE DEATH OF THE CHILD.
THE TRIAL STARTS WEDNESDAY. I HAD ANOTHER LAWYER,
BUT THE PARENTS' ATTORNEYS ARE FROM A BIG FIRM,
AND THEY SEEMED TO HAVE OVERWHELMED HIM.
WHY ARE THEY CLAIMING YOU WERE NEGLIGENT?
FIRST, FOR ALLOWING THE PEANUTS TO EVEN GET IN THE ROOM.
WE CHECK THE LUNCHES,
BUT ANOTHER STUDENT HAD BROUGHT IN A CANDY BAR
THAT I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT.
AND ALSO AT THE TIME OF THE INCIDENT,
I WAS ON MY CELL PHONE.
IT PROBABLY DID DISTRACT ME FOR A FEW SECONDS
BEFORE I GOT TO THE EpiPen. I'VE SCHEDULED A SETTLEMENT CONFERENCE
FOR TODAY.
I'D LIKE YOU TO JOIN US.
HOW LONG AFTER THAT DID THE CHILD DIE?
OH, HE DIED RIGHT THERE
IN THE CLASSROOM.
OKAY, DENNY. IT'S TRUE.
YOU'RE ON A NO-FLY LIST. YEAH, I TOLD YOU.
THEY'VE OBVIOUSLY CONFUSED YOU WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.
I ARRANGED A MEETING WITH A MAN FROM HOMELAND SECURITY.
EXCELLENT. HE'S COMING HERE, ACTUALLY.
HIS OFFICE IS IN SOME DISARRAY.
AND WE WON'T BE NEEDING ANY GUNS.
JUST WANT TO SHOW HIM THAT I'VE GOT 'EM, LIKE A GOOD AMERICAN.
WHY IS HE COMING HERE?
WELL, HE DIDN'T WANT YOU GOING THERE,
IN CASE YOU ALSO TURNED OUT TO BE...
WHAT?
(chuckles) WELL, A... A SPY.
A SPY? DENNY...
WE'LL CLEAR IT UP. I PROMISE.
A SPY! ISN'T THERE ANYONE YOU KNOW?
WELL, I CAN'T GET ANYBODY. I CALLED TOM DeLAY.
HIS NUMBER'S DISCONNECTED. FOLEY HAS GOT HIS HANDS FULL.
FRIST SAID, "DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY."
I CALLED CLARENCE THOMAS.
HIS OFFICE SAID HE WAS INDISPOSED.
HAVE YOU TRIED GOING RIGHT TO THE TOP? CHENEY?
BOYS... SHIRLEY.
DID YOU HEAR? DENNY CAN'T FLY.
(laughs) TELL ME ABOUT IT. HAVE EITHER OF YOU SEEN CLAIRE?
NO. WHY?
HER ASSISTANT'S CAUSING A BIT OF A STIR IN RECEPTION. CLARENCE?
UH, IF ONLY IT WERE CLARENCE. CLARICE?
I STILL WISH. WHO?
OPRAH.
(laughs)
(imitating Oprah) WHO LIKES SHOES? WHO LIKES SHOES?
OH, MY. WOW.
DO YOU LIKE SHOES?
HE'S HOT. IN THE TRUNK.
WHOO! (laughs)
WHY IS EVERYBODY HUGGING HER?
SHE JUST GAVE THEM ALL CARS.
EVIDENTLY, HIGH-END.
DENNY CRANE. HELLO, DENNY.
***
(applause)
***
CLARENCE, DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?
NOTHING HAPPENED, CHILD.
IT'S JUST JANUARY IS MARTIN LUTHER KING MONTH.
I USED TO DRESS UP AS DR. KING,
BUT KIDS TODAY, HALF OF THEM DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS.
BUT THEY ALL KNOW OPRAH.
(chuckles) UH, EXCUSE ME.
HOMELAND SECURITY IS IN YOUR OFFICE.
OKAY.
AND, UH, WHY WOULD HOMELAND SECURITY
BE IN YOUR OFFICE? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW, PAUL?
NO.
DENNIS CRANE.
THE ONE WE TARGETED IS A CANADIAN-BORN CITIZEN
WHO CONVERTED TO ISLAM AND TOOK UP JIHAD
AGAINST THE UNITED STATES AFTER 9/11.
HE VISITED SEVERAL TERRORIST TRAINING CAMPS IN PAKISTAN
WITH KNOWN TIES TO AL-QAIDA.
HE CHANGED HIS NAME TO MOHAMMED AL-ZWARI,
BUT HIS PASSPORT STILL LISTS HIM AS "DENNIS CRANE,"
WHICH IS WHY THE NAME IS ON THE NO-FLY LIST.
SO...
NOW THAT WE'VE CLEARED IT UP...
IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
THE CURRENT TECHNOLOGY DOESN'T PROVIDE AIRLINE OFFICIALS
WITH THE TARGET'S DATE OF BIRTH, RACE OR PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION.
JUST A NAME.
(chuckles) ARE YOU SAYING ANYONE NAMED DENNIS CRANE--
WILL NOT BE ALLOWED TO FLY ON COMMERCIAL AIRLINERS,
UNLESS HE CAN GET ON THE OTHER LIST
OF PEOPLE ON THE NO-FLY LIST WHO CAN FLY. UH, OKAY.
SO, UH, PUT HIM ON THAT LIST.
ALSO NOT SIMPLE.
HE'LL HAVE TO FILL OUT A FORM AND WAIT FOR APPROVAL.
WELL, HOW LONG WILL THAT TAKE? IT'S, UM, INDETERMINATE.
UH, YOU'RE JOKING. I ASSURE YOU,
THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT HAS NO SENSE OF HUMOR.
AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU WHEN IT COMES TO THE WAR ON TERROR.
LET ME SHOOT HIM. MR. MURCH...
THERE IS NOBODY MORE RED, WHITE AND BLUE
THAN THIS MAN HERE.
HE'S FOR THE DEATH PENALTY. HE'S PRO-LIFE.
HE DOESN'T READ NEWSPAPERS.
HE'S EXERCISED EVERY LOOPHOLE TO AVOID PAYING TAXES.
HE'S EVEN DONATED TO. THE JACK ABRAMOFF BALL.
I SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU. I REALLY DO.
BUT THESE ARE SOME OF THE PRICES WE PAY
TO LIVE IN A FREE, DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY WHICH IS SAFE.
LET ME SHOOT HIM. ARE YOU THREATENING ME?
NO, THAT JOB FALLS TO ME, MR. MURCH.
I WILL ASK YOU NICELY TO PUT DENNY'S NAME ON THE FLY LIST,
OR I WILL COMPLICATE YOUR LIFE IN FEDERAL COURT.
BY THE TIME I'M FINISHED,
YOUR SUPERIORS WON'T BE SAYING, "HECK OF A JOB, MURCHIE."
(chuckles)
YOU'RE THREATENING TO MESS UP MY LIFE?
YOU'RE TALKING TO HOMELAND SECURITY.
WE'RE THE MASTER.
***
WE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE CLEAR WITH HER.
WE HAD A MEETING TO SPECIFICALLY DISCUSS THE ALLERGY.
WE WENT OVER THE PRECISE PROCEDURE.
SHE KNEW THE SEVERITY OF THE RISK. WE UNDERSTAND, MRS. BECKETT.
NOBODY'S DENYING THE TERRIBLE TRAGEDY THAT OCCURRED HERE.
BUT YOU ARE DENYING HER CULPABILITY, ARE YOU NOT?
MR. AND MRS. BECKETT, I'M SURE YOU CAN APPRECIATE
THAT, AS HELEN'S LAWYERS,
WE CAN'T ADMIT ANY LIABILITY ON HER PART.
BUT LET'S ASSUME, FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUMENT,
SHE BEARS SOME RESPONSIBILITY.
SHE HAS NO ASSETS.
ANY JUDGMENT YOU GET WOULD NOT BE RECOVERABLE.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT MONEY, MS. SCHMIDT.
(Shirley) OKAY.
THEN, IF I MAY ASK,
WHAT IS IT ABOUT?
WE WANT TO SEND A MESSAGE.
WE WANT TO PUT THE WORD OUT THAT TEACHERS LIKE HER
NEED TO TAKE CARE.
YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE.
***
TAKE OFF THE WIG, CLARENCE.
THIS WIG DOESN'T COME OFF AS EASILY, CHILD.
IT DOESN'T JUST POP OFF LIKE A HOOD ORNAMENT. WHAT HAPPENED?
OBVIOUSLY, SOMETHING WENT WRONG WITH SANDY.
SANDY'S A DARLING GIRL,
BUT SHE WASN'T REMOTELY IN A PLACE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? WHAT HAPPENED?
THERE WEREN'T ANY PRECIPITATING FACTORS.
SOMETIMES TWO PEOPLE,
DESPITE HAVING A LOT IN COMMON--
CAN YOU JUST TAKE OFF THE WIG? (deep male voice) ENOUGH WITH THE WIG!
FORGET THE WIG!
WHO WAS THAT?
(imitating Oprah) FROM THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE, I'D SAY CLEVANT.
CLARENCE...
YOU'RE NOT SCHIZOPHRENIC.
YOU'RE JUST CHOOSING TO HIDE BEHIND THESE PERSONAS,
ESPECIALLY WHEN...
WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENED WITH SANDY?
YOU KNOW, HONEY, I'LL MAKE A DEAL.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT CLARENCE AND H PERSONAL LIFE
IF WE CAN FIRST DISCUSS YOURS.
DO YOU HAVE A PERSONAL LIFE, CLAIRE?
IN THE WORKPLACE? ABSOLUTELY NOT. ANYPLACE?
(exhales)
WHY DO YOU DRESS THE WAY YOU DO?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WAY I DRESS?
IT JUST ISN'T VERY SEXUAL.
YOU APPEAR TO HAVE A VERY GOOD BODY,
AND YOU COVER IT UP. I DO NOT.
(clears throat)
HAVE YOU BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED, CLAIRE?
OKAY, OPRAH...
ISN'T THIS WHEN, ON YOUR SHOW, YOU CUT TO A COMMERCIAL?
YOU ASK A BIG, LOADED, MELODRAMATIC QUESTION,
AND THEN YOU SAY, "WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS."
WHY DON'T YOU SAY THAT?
***
ONE SECOND, DENNY.
DENNY AND I ARE OFF TO FEDERAL COURT.
IT SEEMS HE'S ON THE NO-FLY LIST.
GEE.
DENISE, I THOUGHT YOU'D BE MORE SYMPATHETIC.
DENNY CAN'T SPREAD HIS WINGS.
IMAGINE HOW YOU'D FEEL
IF YOU WERE ROBBED OF THE OPPORTUNITY
TO SPREAD YOURS.
THAT IS SO LAME.
WHY DO YOU SMELL OF SEX, DENISE?
EXCUSE ME?
A WOMAN GIVES OFF A CERTAIN SCENT WHEN SHE'S HAVING SEX.
WHO ARE YOU HAVING SEX WITH, DENISE?
OKAY, YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND.
IT SMELLS LIKE BRAD.
IS IT BRAD?
WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? HE KNOWS.
HE KNOWS WHAT? THAT WE'RE HAVING SEX.
DID YOU TELL ANYBODY?
HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY KNOW UNLESS YOU TOLD SOMEBODY?
I DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY.
HE SMELLED IT ON ME.
OH, STOP IT.
***
I HAD CHECKED THE LUNCHES.
I CHECK THEM ALL EVERY DAY.
THE SCHOOL HAS A STRICT NO-PEANUT POLICY. YES.
AND ALL PARENTS WERE NOTIFIED VERBALLY AND IN WRITING
NOT TO BRING ANYTHING WITH NUTS TO CLASS.
SO WHAT HAPPENED? WELL...
THE CHILDREN WERE EATING.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, NATE... HE WAS ON THE FLOOR.
I WENT OVER.
HE HAD GONE INTO SHOCK.
AND THEN?
AND THEN I FOLLOWED THE PROTOCOL.
I UNLOCKED THE FIRST AID CABINET.
I GOT OUT AN EpiPen. I JAMMED IT INTO HIS THIGH,
BUT IT WAS TOO LATE.
IT TURNS OUT ANOTHER STUDENT
HAD BROUGHT IN A MINI-CANDY BAR WITH NUTS IN IT,
AND I NEVER SAW IT.
WHAT EXACTLY WERE YOU DOING
WHEN NATE BECKETT WENT INTO ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK?
I WAS TALKING ON MY CELL PHONE.
IS THAT PERMISSIBLE,
FOR TEACHERS TO BE ON THEIR CELL PHONES, DURING CLASS?
IT WAS DURING LUNCH, BUT, NO, IT IS NOT PERMISSIBLE.
MY FATHER HAD HAD SURGERY THAT MORNING.
I WAS ANXIOUS TO CHECK UP ON HIM.
IN FACT, YOU HAD YOUR BACK TURNED ON YOUR STUDENTS
AS YOU SPOKE ON THE PHONE.
MY FATHER HAD A LIFE-THREATENING CONDITION.
I DIDN'T WANT TO ALARM THE STUDENTS.
HOW LONG HAD NATE BEEN ON THE FLOOR
BEFORE YOU NOTICED HIM? WELL, THE CHILDREN STARTED TO SCREAM, SO...
I DON'T KNOW. NOT LONG.
20 SECONDS? AT THE MOST.
I WOULD SAY UNDER.
BUT POSSIB 20 SECONDS?
POSSIBLY.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A TEACHER? SEVEN YEARS.
DO YOU LIKE IT? I LOVE IT.
IT'S ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO. HAS ANYTHING LIKE THIS
EVER HAPPENED IN YOUR CLASS BEFORE?
NO. GOD, NO.
I JUST...
I KNOW I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ON MY CELL PHONE.
IF I MAY ASK,
WHAT WAS THE OUTCOME OF YOUR DAD'S SURGERY?
HE DIDN'T MAKE IT.
WE'RE BACK FROM THAT COMMERCIAL BREAK,
IN CASE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE OUR CONVERSATION. YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU WANT TO TAKE OFF THAT WIG AND TALK, FINE.
BUT I'M NOT SHARING MY LIFE WITH OPRAH.
I'M NOT CAPABLE OF HAVING THAT TALK AS CLARENCE,
WHICH YOU KNOW.
YOU GOT ISSUES, GIRL.
NOW YOU CAN GO THROUGH LIFE LETTING PEOPLE IN
OR KEEPING THEM SHUT OUT, YOUR CHOICE.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED.
I HAVE CERTAINLY BEEN GROPED ON THE ODD DATE,
BUT LET'S JUST SAY IT'S NOTHING I COULDN'T HANDLE.
IS ONE OF THE WAYS YOU HANDLE IT
BY DRESSING IN A NONSEXUAL WAY?
I DON'T THINK I DRESS THAT WAY.
I DRESS MAYBE A LITTLE CONSERVATIVELY, BUT-- WHY?
CONSERVATIVE IS NOT A WORD I'D USE TO DESCRIBE YOU, CLAIRE.
YOU'RE A BALLS-OUT KIND OF GIRL.
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED,
THIS PLACE IS A RATHER SPECTACULAR BOYS' CLUB.
IF YOU SO MUCH AS TURN YOUR BACK ON DENNY CRANE,
HE TRIES TO MOUNT YOU.
ALAN SHORE IS IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF LECHERS.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
(scoffs) I AM STANDING HERE TALKING TO OPRAH.
BELIEVE IT. SHIRLEY SCHMIDT IS A NAME PARTNER.
AND A QUEEN BEE, WHICH IS HOW SHE'D LIKE TO KEEP IT.
LOOK, I AM BUSY.
LET'S CUT TO ANOTHER COMMERCIAL.
ONE OF THE REASONS THIS MAY BE AN OLD BOYS' CLUB
IS BECAUSE THE WOMEN HERE FEEL
THEY HAVE TO BECOME ONE OF THE BOYS TO SUCCEED.
YOU'RE A TOUGH BROAD, CLAIRE.
IF ANY GIRL'S GOT A SHOT AT CRASHING THROUGH
THAT PLEXIGLAS CEILING, IT'S GOT TO BE YOU.
DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE SEXY.
AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE SOFT.
SUCCEED ON YOUR TERMS HERE, NOT THEIRS.
HOW ABOUT WE BOTH TRY AND WORK ON THAT?
CLARENCE NEEDS TO COME BACK TO WORK.
I CAN'T AFFORD OPRAH.
THEY PULLED ME OUT BEFORE I COULD BOARD,
PUT ME IN THIS LITTLE ROOM.
AT SOME POINT, SOMEBODY JOINED YOU IN THE LITTLE ROOM?
NO, SOMEBODY FROM TRANSPORTATION SECURITY
TOLD ME I CAN'T FLY. DID HE SAY WHY?
MY NAME IS ON THE NO-FLY LIST.
YOU'VE SINCE CLEARED UP THE CONFUSION? THE CONFUSION, YES,
BUT NOT THE PROBLEM. I STILL CAN'T FLY,
UNLESS I GET THESE SPECIAL PAPERS,
WHICH WILL TAKE WHO KNOWS HOW LONG.
IT'S RIDICULOUS. THAT'S WHY I USUALLY FLY PRIVATE.
YOU'RE STILL NOT ALLOWED TO FLY? NO.
WHY HAS THIS REACHED MY COURTROOM?
MR. CRANE IS LOOKING FOR SPECIAL TREATMENT, YOUR HONOR.
SPECIAL TREATMENT?
TO BE ALLOWED TO FLY ON AN AIRPLANE
WITHOUT GOVERNMENT INTERFERENCE?
THE SPECIAL TREATMENT HE SEEKS
IS TO GET OFF THE NO-FLY LIST WITHOUT THE SPECIFIED PAPERS
THE TAXPAYERS ON THE LIST MUST TYPICALLY WAIT FOR.
WHY ARE TYPICAL TAXPAYERS EVEN ON THE LIST?
LOOK, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED--
(chuckles) OH, HERE IT COMES. WE'RE IN A WAR ON TERROR.
PEOPLE SCREAMED AFTER 9/11
THAT WE DIDN'T DO ENOUGH TO PREVENT IT.
NOW YOU BITCH WE'RE DOING TOO MUCH. BECAUSE YOU ARE.
LAW-ABIDING LOYAL AMERICANS ARE BEING TREATED LIKE SHOE BOMBERS.
SHOE BOMBERS DON'T DECLARE THEMSELVES, MR. SHORE,
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T-- MR. RANDOLPH, I AM NOT PERSUADED.
WHO HAVE YOU GOT? I HAVE LINWOOD WINCHELL
FROM THE TRANSPORTATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION.
GET HIS ASS UP HERE.
I LIKE YOU.
***
ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK
CAN COME ON SUDDENLY, WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENED HERE.
THE AIRWAYS CAN BECOME CLOGGED IN LESS THAN 30 SECONDS.
IF THE EpiPen ISN'T ADMINISTERED, IT CAN BE FATAL.
IF MS. CHOI HAD GOTTEN TO YOUR SON SOONER...
WELL, WE OBVIOUSLY CAN'T KNOW FOR SURE.
BUT HE HAD HAD THESE ATTACKS BEFORE,
AND THE EpiPen,
ALONG WITH THE PILLS, HAD PROVEN EFFECTIVE.
SO HER DELAY MIGHT VERY WELL HAVE CONTRIBUTED TO HIS DEATH?
YES.
NOW, MR. BECKETT,
SHE'S A TEACHER, NOT A DOCTOR.
NO, TEACHERS ARE TRAINED IN FIRST AID,
INCLUDING THE USE OF AN EpiPen.
THIS TEACHER IN FACT HAD BEEN TRAINED.
WE MADE SURE OF IT. BUT REALISTICALLY,
IS WHAT HAPPENED HERE REALLY A FORESEEABLE THING? YES.
HEALTH-CARE-NEEDS STUDENTS ARE NOW TYPICALLY MAINSTREAMED.
BETWEEN 10% AND 20% OF TODAY'S PUBLIC SCHOOL STUDENTS
HAVE CHRONIC PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL OR SOCIAL PROBLEMS,
AND THE PEANUT ALLERGY IS A BIG ONE,
WHICH SHE KNEW.
10% TO 20% OF OUR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS
HAVE CHRONIC MEDICAL OR SOCIAL PROBLEMS?
50 MILLION AMERICANS SUFFER FROM SOME KIND OF AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE.
IT'S BECOME EPIDEMIC.
ARE WE INCREASING THE NUMBER OF NURSES IN OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS?
AS FAR AS I KNOW, NO.
SO WE JUST HAND OFF TO THE TEACHERS?
READING, WRITING, ARITHMETIC AND EPIDEMICS?
SHE KNEW HER RESPONSIBILITIES, ACCEPTED THEM
AND FAILED TO LIVE UP TO THEM.
LOOK, WE'RE ALL SORRY FOR THE MIX-UP,
BUT WE ARE IN A PITCHED BATTLE WITH RELIGIOUS FANATICS
WHO USE CIVILIAN AIRCRAFT AS MISSILES
AGAINST HIGH-DENSITY TARGETS.
WELL, CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE MR. CRANE'S NAME OFF THE LIST?
IN WHICH CASE, THE ONE WE TARGETED,
THAT TERRORIST WITH THE JIHAD, IS ALSO ALLOWED TO TRAVEL.
NONE OF US WANT THAT. THE SYSTEM CAN'T DIFFERENTIATE?
IN TIME, IT WILL BE ABLE TO,
BUT FOR NOW, LET'S MAKE THE SKIES SAFE.
AND WE'RE DOING THAT, BY THE WAY.
THERE HASN'T BEEN AN AVIATION HIJACKING SINCE 9/11.
MR. CRANE LEFT THAT DETAIL OUT OF HIS LAWSUIT.
YOU SEEM QUITE PLEASED WITH YOURSELF.
ACTUALLY, MR. SHORE, MY TONE IS MORE EXASPERATED.
I'M RATHER SICK OF EVERYONE DUMPING ON HOMELAND SECURITY.
BY EVERYONE, YOU MEAN-- THE MEDIA,
THE LAWYERS WHO LOVE TO FILE SUIT.
THE 9/11 COMMISSION.
THEY DUMPED ON YOU PRETTY GOOD, DIDN'T THEY? SOMEWHAT.
"SOMEWHAT"?
A "D" IN PORT SECURITY,
AN "F" IN IMPROVING COMMUNICATIONS
FOR FIRST RESPONDERS,
A "D" IN BORDER SECURITY, AN "F" IN AVIATION SECURITY,
A "D" IN CHEMICAL PLANT SECURITY--
THESE AREN'T PASSING GRADES, MR. WINCHELL. WE'RE DOING WHAT WE CAN,
AND LAWSUITS LIKE THIS ONE DON'T HELP.
I READ TED KENNEDY WAS ON YOUR NO-FLY LIST.
DOES HE TAKE THE TRAIN NOW?
THAT SITUATION WAS RESOLVED.
AND YET, THE BRITISH SUSPECTS WHO WERE ARRESTED LAST SUMMER
FOR PLOTTING TO BLOW UP AIRCRAFT,
THEY WEREN'T ON THE LIST,
DESPITE BEING UNDER SURVEILLANCE FOR OVER A YEAR.
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
SOME OF THE MORE DANGEROUS ONES WE LEAVE OFF.
EXCUSE ME?
IF SUSPECTED TERRORISTS KNEW THEIR NAMES WERE ON THE LIST,
THEY COULD CHANGE THEIR OPERATIONAL PLANS
AND MAKE THEM HARDER TO CAPTURE.
SO MR. CRANE, AN AMERICAN CITIZEN
WHO HAS NO TIES TO ANY TERRORIST ORGANIZATION
IS ON THE LIST,
BUT SOME OF THE MOST DANGEROUS TERRORISTS ARE NOT?
I'LL TELL YOU THIS, MR. SMUG,
FOR EVERY INNOCENT CAUGHT IN THE NET,
THERE IS TEN GUILTY ONES, SO DON'T TELL ME--
REALLY? LIKE WHOM?
I CAN'T REVEAL CLASSIFIED INFORMATION.
WELL, LUCKY FOR ME, I HAVE MY OWN SOURCES.
A RECENT STUDY OF THE 441 TERRORISM-RELATED ARRESTS
MADE IN THE UNITED STATES
REVEALED THAT VIRTUALLY ALL OF THEM INVOLVE LESSER CHARGES,
LIKE VISA VIOLATIONS, FRAUD,
NOT TERRORISM.
YOU KNOW, SIR, I GO TO WORK EVERY DAY
AND TRY TO MAKE AMERICA SAFER.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DO.
YOU REPRESENT A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE MR. CRANE
WHO HAVE A LOT OF TIME AND MONEY ON THEIR HANDS
WHO CAN AFFORD TO MANIPULATE THE LEGAL SYSTEM
TO MAKE MY JOB TOUGHER.
I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.
ONE HAS TO WONDER
HOW MANY DENNY CRANES ARE OUT THERE
BEING DENIED THE RIGHT TO FLY WHO CAN'T AFFORD AN ATTORNEY.
DO WE HAVE ANY WITH US TODAY?
IF SO, PLEASE STAND.
EVERYONE HERE IS NAMED DENNY CRANE.
THESE ARE JUST THE ONES WITHIN DRIVING DISTANCE, OF COURSE,
SINCE AIRPLANE TRAVEL IS NOT AN OPTION.
THANK YOU.
***
OH! WOULD YOU PLEASE--
YOU STILL SMELL OF SEX, BUT THIS TIME
WITH A... (sniffs) TINGE OF JEFFREY COHO.
ARE YOU ON DRUGS?
HI, GUYS.
ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH DENISE, JEFFREY?
AS HE IS NOT.
SO WHAT DID HE WANT? WHO?
SHORE. I SAW HIM IN THERE. UH, THE USUAL NONSENSE.
IF IT'S ANY HELP,
SALLY SAID THAT HE CAN'T TAKE ANY ROLE REVERSAL.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
THAT MEANS WHEN THE WOMAN BECOMES THE PREDATOR,
HE RUNS AWAY LIKE A LITTLE BUNNY.
REALLY?
NOW, MRS. BECKETT,
THIS LAWSUIT CAN'T BRING YOUR SON BACK. NO.
BUT MAYBE IT CAN SAVE SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD.
AND LIKE MY HUSBAND SAID,
THERE ARE MILLIONS OF CHILDREN WITH AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES,
MANY IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS RELYING ON A STANDARD OF CARE.
IF THIS LAWSUIT CAN SOUND A BELL...
WE COUNT ON OUR TEACHERS.
MY GOD, WE TRUST YOU WITH OUR BABIES.
I DON'T MEAN TO BE INSENSITIVE,
BUT YOU'RE A PERSON OF MEANS, ARE YOU NOT, MRS. BECKETT?
I'M FINANCIALLY SECURE.
IF YOU THINK FOR A SECOND THAT EASES MY PAIN--
I'M SURE THAT IT DOESN'T, BUT--
AND I'M SORRY IF THIS DOES SOUND INSENSITIVE--
BUT YOU HAD THE MEANS
TO HIRE A SHADOW NURSE, DIDN'T YOU?
SOME PARENTS DO THAT.
THEY SIT IN THE BACK OF THE CLASSROOM
PRETENDING TO BE A LAB TEACHER OR...
OR YOU COULD HAVE PUT YOUR SON
IN PRIVATE SCHOOL,
WHERE THE TEACHER-STUDENT RATIO IS LESS THAN 30 TO 1.
HOW DARE YOU?
I APOLOGIZE, MRS. BECKETT,
BUT YOU'RE SITTING IN THAT CHAIR PLAYING ARMCHAIR QUARTERBACK
SAYING THAT MY CLIENT COULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS TRAGEDY...
WHEN IN FACT, YOU COULD OF, AS WELL.
I WOULD HAVE DONE
WHATEVER I THOUGHT NECESSARY, MISS WALKER,
INCLUDING PRIVATE SCHOOLS
OR SHADOW NURSES.
AFTER MEETING WITH YOUR CLIENT,
I DIDN'T BELIEVE THAT TO BE NECESSARY.
BECAUSE MY CLIENT STRUCK YOU
AS BEING BOTH CAPABLE AND DEDICATED.
YES.
THANK YOU.
***
WE LIVE IN A DIFFERENT WORLD SINCE 9/11,
BUT NO ONE HERE SEEMS REALLY WILLING TO LIVE IN THAT WORLD.
SERGEANT MIKE KRAUSE
OF THE ARMY'S 101st AIRBORNE DIVISION
IN BOTH IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN WAS RECENTLY QUOTED
IN "THE NEW YORK TIMES."
HE SAID, "WE'RE NOWHERE CLOSE TO SHARING THE SACRIFICE,
"AND IT MUST BE SHARED
"BECAUSE IT'S ONLY IN THAT SHARING
"THAT SOCIETY WILL TRULY CARE
ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE."
IN PREVIOUS WARTIMES,
THE PUBLIC WAS CALLED UPON TO MAKE GREAT SACRIFICES.
THEY WERE TOLD TO GIVE UP MEAT AND RUBBER AND STEEL.
YOUNG MEN WERE DRAFTED INTO THE MILITARY.
TODAY THERE'S NO DRAFT. THERE'S NO RATIONING.
NO ONE'S TELLING YOU TO BUY WAR BONDS.
NO ONE'S ROUNDING YOU UP TO PUT YOU IN INTERNMENT CAMPS
BECAUSE OF YOUR NATIONALITY.
THE NO-FLY LIST IS AN INCONVENIENCE, YOUR HONOR,
AND AN INCONVENIENCE FOR A VERY SMALL PART
OF THE POPULATION.
JUST THINK IF WE'D BEEN ABLE
TO STOP THOSE 9/11 HIJACKERS
FROM EVER GETTING ON THOSE PLANES,
BECAUSE THEIR NAMES WERE ON A LIST
WARNING US OF THEIR POTENTIAL FOR HARM.
BUT ALL MR. CRANE SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT IS
HE'S DELAYED GETTING TO MAUI.
SOME SACRIFICE.
THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG, ISN'T IT?
SOME OF THE NEW iPods,
YOU CAN LOAD UP TO 20,000 SONGS ON THEM.
STREAMS OF VIDEOS, PICTURES,
ALL ON A THING THIS BIG.
THE TECHNOLOGY IN THIS COUNTRY
IS STAGGERING.
AND YET, UH, THE GOVERNMENT CAN'T GET THEIR COMPUTERS
TO ERASE MY CLIENT FROM THE NO-FLY LIST,
EVEN THOUGH THEY ADMIT HE SHOULDN'T BE ON IT.
INSTEAD, ANYBODY NAMED DENNY CRANE CAN'T FLY.
NOW MR. WINCHELL IS CORRECT.
HE--HE DOESN'T NEED ME TO INDICT HOMELAND SECURITY.
THE 9/11 COMMISSION ALREADY DID THAT.
THE AMERICAN PUBLIC CERTAINLY DOESN'T NEED TO HEAR IT FROM ME.
NO, WHAT HOMELAND SECURITY COULD REALLY USE
FROM ME OR OTHERS, PREFERABLY OTHERS,
IS A LITTLE HELP.
WHY NOT GET IT?
I'M SURE TOM RIDGE
IS A VERY NICE MAN, CAPABLE, TOO,
AS IS MICHAEL CHERTOFF.
BUT I CAN GET 20,000 SONGS ON MY iPod.
WE HAVE GENIUSES IN THIS COUNTRY,
TRUE PIONEERS OF INNOVATION.
STEVE JOBS, STEVEN WOZNIAK,
STEVE BALLMER.
IF WE COULD JUST ROUND UP SOME OF OUR BEST STEVES...
WE'VE GOT KIDS IN GARAGES
INVENTING GOOGLE AND YouTube.
JETS CAN NOT ONLY FLY BY COMPUTER,
BUT THEY CAN NOW TAKE OFF AND LAND ON AUTOPILOT.
SHOULD WE TRULY BE STUMPED BY THIS NO-FLY COMPUTER LIST?
HOW ABOUT SOMETHING SO SIMPLE AS ISSUING A FLYER'S LICENSE?
IT COULD HAVE YOUR PICTURE, FINGERPRINTS.
YOU SHOW IT, SCAN THE CARD AND YOUR FINGERS AT THE GATE.
IF IT'S A MATCH, YOU GET YOUR AISLE SEAT.
THIS CAN'T BE UNDOABLE.
EXPENSIVE, MAYBE,
BUT JUDGING FROM RECENT SPENDING PATTERNS,
WE'VE GOT BILLIONS TO THROW AROUND.
HALLIBURTON ALONE HAS PROFITED OVER $10 BILLION FROM THE WAR.
MAYBE WE COULD GET THEM TO KICK IN.
WHY IS IT
OUR GOVERNMENT LEADERS ONLY TAP INTO THE PRIVATE SECTOR
FOR CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS
OR TO PASS OUT CONTRACTS TO CRONIES?
BILL GATES IS OUT THERE. PAUL ALLEN.
HAS ANYBODY CALLED THEM?
I BET MARK CUBAN WOULD PERSONALLY FUND
THE COMPUTER UPGRADES
IF YOU GAVE HIM FREE PUBLICITY.
IS IT REALLY AGAINST NATIONAL POLICY
TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX?
THIS ISN'T ABOUT BEATING UP ON HOMELAND SECURITY.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THEY'RE TRYING.
I'M SURE THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE,
BUT THEY SIMPLY CANNOT DISPATCH A REPRESENTATIVE
TO THIS COURTROOM TO SAY THE PROBLEM ISN'T FIXABLE
WHILE THOUSANDS OF AMERICANS ARE BEING DENIED DUE PROCESS.
IT SO EASILY HAS TO BE FIXABLE.
AND IN THE MEANTIME, MY CLIENT SITS HERE TODAY,
A LAW-ABIDING MAN, GROUNDED,
WHILE BELLA LAYS WRITHING IN MAUI.
***
TOO LONG?
***
STOP IT. I'M SERIOUS.
JUST ONE LITTLE WAFT.
ALAN, I AM NOT FINDING THIS AMUSING.
I'M ABOUT TO REGISTER YOU AS A SEX OFFENDER.
WHAT?
THIS TIME I DETECT BOTH BRAD AND JEFFREY.
DENISE, IF IT'S A PUBLIC COURSE, I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO PLAY.
ALAN...
LET'S GO TO YOUR OFFICE FOR A MINUTE.
REALLY? MM.
WANT TO PULL OUT YOUR 3-WOOD?
I WAS THINKING MY SAND WEDGE.
LET'S GO.
SORRY?
SEE, YOU LIKE TO TALK.
I DON'T. I LIKE TO DO.
I ALSO LIKE TO BE SPONTANEOUS.
(chuckles) WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING,
YOU'VE GOT FIVE MINUTES.
YOUR DESK LOOKS AVAILABLE.
YOU--YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX ON MY DESK?
MM-HMM, RIGHT NOW.
SURELY YOU JEST.
DON'T YOU?
I DON'T JOKE
ABOUT SEX.
SO...
ARE WE ON THE DESK OR NOT?
OH!
(clattering)
(low voice) YOU CAN TELL SALLY SHE WAS WRONG.
HEY.
(normal voice) NO, NO.
***
HELEN CHOI WAS SPECIFICALLY TRAINED
TO USE AN EpiPen.
SHE KNEW HOW CRITICAL EVEN A FEW LOST SECONDS COULD BE.
SHE WAS ON HER CELL PHONE AGAINST SCHOOL POLICY,
HAD HER BACK TURNED TO HER STUDENTS.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE NATE WHEN HE FIRST WENT DOWN,
AND WITH ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK,
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH IS SECONDS.
NOW IF THIS WERE AN ISOLATED INCIDENT,
IF NATE HAD SUFFERED SOME SORT OF FREAK REACTION,
I SUPPOSE THAT WE COULD ALL SAY,
"WELL, SOMETIMES BAD THINGS HAPPEN."
BUT THE REALITY IS THAT KIDS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS,
WITH MEDICAL NEEDS,
ARE NOW MAINSTREAMED IN OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS.
OUR TEACHERS NEED TO BE VIGILANT, AND SHE WASN'T.
AS A RESULT, A LITTLE BOY DIED.
WE NEED YOU TO SEND A MESSAGE,
NOT JUST TO HELEN CHOI, BUT TO ALL TEACHERS
THAT THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.
LIKE RACHEL BECKETT SAID,
"WE TRUST YOU WITH OUR BABIES."
LAWSUITS ARE ABOUT ALLOCATING BURDEN.
FOR EXAMPLE, WE WANT OUR CARS TO BE SAFER,
SO WE HIT THE MANUFACTURERS WITH A JUDGMENT
THAT MAKES IT MORE COST-EFFECTIVE
TO INSTALL THE AIRBAG.
THE PROBLEM HERE, AS MS. BIXBY CORRECTLY STATES,
IS WE HAVE MORE AND MORE SPECIAL-NEEDS KIDS
GOING INTO OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS,
COMBINED WITH AN UNPRECEDENTED ESCALATION
IN AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES, AUTISM.
THE PEANUT ALLERGY ALONE HAS DOUBLED IN RECENT YEARS.
SO WHO DO WE HEAP THIS RESPONSIBILITY ON?
WHO ELSE? THE TEACHERS.
THE AVERAGE ANNUAL STARTING SALARY
FOR A TEACHER IS $32,000.
FOR THAT, WE ASK THEM TO TEACH,
POLICE, PROVIDE EMOTIONAL AND SOCIAL GUIDANCE.
IN SOME SCHOOLS, THEY ACTUALLY HAVE TO CLEAN THE TOILETS.
NOW LET'S THROW IN HEALTH CARE.
THIS TEACHER,
SHE WORKS 65-HOUR WEEKS.
IN ADDITION TO HER ACTUAL CLASSROOM DUTIES,
SHE TEACHES SEX EDUCATION TO THE OLDER KIDS.
SHE TEACHES A STANDARDIZED TEST
THE SCHOOL MANDATES IN ORDER TO QUALIFY FOR FUNDING
UNDER THE NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ACT.
SHE SPENDS ANOTHER TEN HOURS A MONTH MEETING WITH PARENTS.
SHE SUPERVISES EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES,
GOES ON OVERNIGHT CLASS TRIPS,
CLEANS AND DISINFECTS TOYS, COACHES.
SHE TEACHERS FIRE DRILL SAFETY PROCEDURES,
HEALTHY EATING HABITS.
SHE'S CERTIFIED IN CPR, FIRST AID AND FOOD SANITATION.
SHE IS SO OVEREXTENDED
THAT WHEN HER OWN FATHER HAD TO UNDERGO
A LIFE-THREATENING MEDICAL PROCEDURE,
SHE COULDN'T BE AT THE HOSPITAL.
SO SHE CALLED ON HER CELL PHONE
TO SEE IF HE HAD LIVED,
WHICH HE HADN'T.
SHE THEN TURNED AWAY FROM HER STUDENTS
SO AS NOT TO TRAUMATIZE THEM WITH HER GRIEF,
WHICH AS A TEACHER, SHE WAS EXPECTED TO INTERNALIZE.
SHE HAS NO SAVINGS, NO HOUSE,
AND TODAY SHE'S BEING SUED BECAUSE WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE,
ONE OF HER STUDENTS SNUCK A BITE-SIZED CANDY BAR
CONTAINING TRACES OF PEANUT INTO HER CLASSROOM.
NOW SHE'S BEING PUBLICLY BLAMED FOR THE DEATH OF A CHILD
WHOSE PARENTS HAD THE MEANS TO IMPLEMENT
A MULTITUDE OF SAFEGUARDS.
THEY IMPLEMENTED NONE OF THEM
EXCEPT A TEACHER.
IS IT ANY WONDER HALF OUR TEACHERS
ARE QUITTING THE PROFESSION OUTRIGHT WITHIN FIVE YEARS?
NEVER MIND WHO'S GOING TO HANDLE THE EpiPen.
WHO'S GOING TO TEACH?
OH, THANK YOU.
CLARENCE...
I BELIEVE THE DEAL WAS
IF I DISH, YOU DISH.
SO WHAT HAPPENED WITH SANDY?
SHE JUST, UH... (clears throat)
SHE JUST DIDN'T LIKE ME THAT WAY.
COULD I GET YOU TO LOOK AT ME FOR A SECOND?
THERE WILL BE WOMEN WHO DO.
IS THAT ALL?
YEAH, THAT'S ALL.
(judge) MR. RANDOLPH, I REALIZE
THAT HOMELAND SECURITY HAS HAD A PRETTY ROUGH GO OF LATE,
AND I CERTAINLY DON'T WANT TO PILE ON,
BUT I HAVE TO AGREE WITH MR. SHORE.
GIVEN THE CAPACITY OF TECHNOLOGY TODAY,
THIS HAS TO BE A FIXABLE PROBLEM.
I DON'T THINK MR. CRANE SHOULD HAVE TO SIT AROUND
WAITING FOR YOU TO FIX IT.
IT IS THE ORDER OF THIS COURT
THAT YOU TAKE THE PETITIONER OFF THE NO-FLY LIST.
OR IN THE ALTERNATIVE,
PUT HIM ON THE LIST OF THOSE WHO CAN FLY
EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE ON THE NO-FLY LIST.
(chuckles)
WE'RE ADJOURNED.
MAI TAIS, BELLA.
MIDNIGHT HAWAII TIME,
MY HEAD WILL BE THE CENTER OF A THIGH SANDWICH.
(chuckles) DUE PROCESS DOES HAVE ITS DIVIDENDS.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME WITH. FORGET IT.
I'M NOT GETTING SLOPPY SECONDS AFTER BELLA.
AND IT WILL BE-- DENNY.
BETHANY...
WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
ACTUALLY NOT. I HEARD YOU WERE HERE.
OH. LISTEN...
I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.
NEVER MIND ALL THE REASONS NOT TO DATE SOMEBODY.
WHAT DOES YOUR HEART SAY?
'CAUSE MINE SAYS TO GIVE THIS A CHANCE.
OH.
CAN I TAKE YOU TO DINNER?
WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M GETTING ON A PLANE TONIGHT.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? HAWAII.
I SEE.
WITH SOMEBODY?
(clears throat) WELL...
ACTUALLY, YES.
IS IT MY MOTHER?
TECHNICALLY...
YES.
I SEE.
HAVE A LOVELY TIME.
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU.
DENNY, I'M A FAIRLY STAUNCH ADVOCATE OF TELLING THE TRUTH,
BUT SOMETIMES IT'S MORE HUMANE TO LIE.
I FELT LIKE A DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS.
I HOPE I DIDN'T HURT HER.
AT LEAST MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME HOW TO TACKLE.
GOOD-BYE, DENNY CRANE.
OH, AND TELL BELLA
SHE'D BETTER WATCH HER BACK.
***
THAT IS ONE TOUGH BROAD.
OH.
***
(judge) MR. FOREMAN,
THE JURY HAS REACHED A VERDICT?
WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR. WHAT SAY YOU?
IN THE MATTER OF
THE ESTATE OF NATHANIEL BECKETT vs. HELEN CHOI,
WE THE JURY FIND IN FAVOR OF THE DEFENDANT.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
THIS JURY IS DISMISSED.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU BOTH SO, SO MUCH.
CONGRATULATIONS. WE CAN HELP YOU GET REINSTATED IF YOU LIKE.
OH, UH, THANK YOU,
BUT ACTUALLY, MY BROTHER-IN-LAW HAS A REAL ESTATE BUSINESS,
AND WELL, I DECIDED TO GO FOR MY BROKER'S LICENSE.
OH, OKAY.
YEAH, IT'S A REALLY EXCITING OPPORTUNITY,
AND I'D BE CRAZY NOT TO TAKE IT.
THERE'S ROOM FOR GROWTH,
AND, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING I'D ENJOY,
SO I FIGURED, WHY NOT, RIGHT? YEAH.
***
WHAT TIME'S YOUR FLIGHT?
9:00.
YOU CAN STILL CHANGE YOUR MIND.
(chuckles) I'M SURE BY NOW
MR. WINCHELL HAS ADDED MY NAME TO THE NO-FLY LIST.
ALAN, I'M GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID,
BUT I WASN'T CRAZY ABOUT YOU ATTACKING THE GOVERNMENT.
DON'T BE SILLY. I'M SURE YOU'RE A LITTLE CRAZY.
WELL...
I HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH A LOT
OF WHAT RANDOLPH SAID IN HIS CLOSING.
PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTY HAVE GOTTA SACRIFICE MORE.
IS THAT WHY YOU'RE FLYING COMMERCIAL
AND NOT TAKING YOUR GULFSTREAM?
IT DOESN'T DO ANY GOOD TO SIT BACK AND CRITICIZE.
SOMETIMES IT DOES, DENNY.
SOMETIMES THE MOST PATRIOTIC THING
YOU CAN DO IS CRITICIZE.
LIBERTY IN THIS COUNTRY
WAS FOUNDED ON THAT VERY IDEAL.
HOW DID IT HAPPEN
THAT DISSENT BECAME SOME FORM OF HERESY?
WELL, I'M ALL FOR DISSENT
WHEN I'M SURE I'M RIGHT.
(chuckles)
DENNY, I'M NOT SURE I'VE EVER TOLD YOU THIS,
BUT I TRULY LOVE AMERICA.
I WOULD NEVER CONSIDER LIVING ANYWHERE ELSE,
BUT THIS COUNTRY'S ONLY 200 YEARS OLD.
IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS, ESPECIALLY LATELY.
ALL RIGHT, MR. SMARTY PANTS,
YOU GET TO CHANGE ONE THING. WHAT IS IT?
GET RID OF ALL STORES THAT END WITH "MART."
BESIDES THAT.
ONE CHANGE...
WELL...
FIRST, I'D LIKE TO STOP PEOPLE
FROM PASSING OFF NARROW-MINDEDNESS
AND INTOLERANCE AS FAMILY VALUES.
NO, NO, NO, THAT'S POLITICAL. IT DOESN'T COUNT.
NAME A CHANGE THAT RELATES
TO THIS ISSUE-- GOVERNMENT TECHNOLOGY.
I MADE THAT SUGGESTION IN COURT.
HIRE THE GENIUSES,
NOT THE GUY WHO'S GOT THE BEST LOBBYIST
OR THE RICH FRIEND WHO WILL TAKE YOU
TO HIS QUAIL RANCH AND LET YOU SHOOT HIM.
HIRE THE THINKERS. THE STEVES?
FOR A START.
INSTEAD OF EVERY TOM, DICK AND BROWNIE,
LET'S TURN OUR VISIONARIES LOOSE.
AT THE VERY LEAST, WE'LL BE RID
OF THOSE STORES WHERE YOU CAN BUY BOTH MEAT AND CDs.
WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? NOT A THING.
NOT A THING? THIS COUNTRY WORKS, ALAN.
YOU DEMOCRATS DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT.
OH, I'M NOT SAYING THERE AREN'T KINKS--
FOAM CHIPS OFF THE OCCASIONAL SPACECRAFT,
WE START THE ODD WAR ON FALSE PRETENSES,
BUT BY AND LARGE, AMERICA WORKS.
THAT'S WHY I'M COMPLETELY NUTS ABOUT IT.
TO DENNY CRANE.
COMPLETELY NUTS. (laughs)
***
Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
NEXT ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...
THERE WILL BE WOMEN OUT THERE WHO LIKE ME FOR ME?
LOTS OF WOMEN, CLARENCE.
I WAS WONDERING, UH, WHETHER YOU MIGHT BE ONE OF THEM.
I'VE BEEN ATTACKED BY VICIOUS TERRORISTS!
AAH! YOU KNOW WHAT BOTHERS ME ABOUT THIS CASE, DENNY?
THE WITNESS IS A LYING CHEAT.
MOVE TO SQUASH. (gasps) SORRY.
YOU'VE COME BETWEEN A MOTHER AND A DAUGHTER. IT WAS ALWAYS SUCH A FANTASY.
ARE YOU AND DENISE HAVING INTIMATE RELATIONS?
HOW DARE YOU? WHEN I CHOOSE A RESTAURANT,
I LIKE TO KNOW WHO ELSE EATS THERE.
OOH! WAY TO A MAN'S HEART.