PREVIOUSLY ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...
BETHANY! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
I DUMPED YOUR MOTHER. YOU DUMPED BELLA?
'CAUSE I CAN'T GET OVER YOU. IT'S MY BABY.
IT'S MY CHOICE, NOT YOURS. HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT SCHOOLS YET?
YOU HAVE TO START APPLYING EARLY FOR THESE PRESCHOOLS.
I'VE BEEN WORKING VERY HARD TO DEAL WITH MY ASPERGER SYNDROME.
(hums, squeals, hoots)
LITIGATION IS ABOUT CONFIDENCE...
HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN YOU WERE BEATING HIM WITH THE CLUB?
NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO SAY THAT.
STRATEGY... YUCK! YUCK! YUCK!
CHEAP THEATRICS. BINGO!
TO FRIENDSHIP, MY COLLEAGUE.
***
HEY. HEY.
MY CLIENT LIVES HERE.
WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT THE PROBLEM IS?
I CAN SEE IT'S CLEARLY AN EMERGENCY.
WE'RE JUST WAITING FOR THE WARRANT TO COME THROUGH.
SHE COULDA CHOSE TO COOPERATE WITH US.
SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT. SHE'S SUSPECTED OF WRONGDOING?
SHE STOLE SOME ART FROM A MUSEUM.
ART? I WOULD HARDLY CALL IT ART.
BUT YOU DID STEAL SOMETHING?
YOU CAN'T LET THEM SEARCH MY HOUSE, ALAN.
YOU JUST CAN'T.
MAUREEN, WHAT'S GOING ON?
CAN'T YOU JUST MAKE THEM GO AWAY FOR AN HOUR--
NO. ASSUMING THEY CAN SHOW CAUSE,
THEY'LL GET THEIR WARRANT,
AND JUDGING FROM THEIR DEMEANOR, THEY SEEM CONFIDENT.
MAUREEN, WHAT'S GOING ON?
IT'S AN ANATOMICAL EXHIBITION.
ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR TOURING EXHIBITS IN THE WORLD,
CURRENTLY ON DISPLAY AT THE NATURAL SCIENCE MUSEUM.
THIS MAN WAS A DRUNKARD.
YOU CAN TELL BY THE LIVER. IT'S BEEN RAVAGED.
HE ALSO SUFFERED FROM SOME FORM OF VENEREAL DISEASE,
WHICH HAS CAUSED SOME SORT OF DETERIORATION
OF SOME OTHER ORGANS,
I GUESS, IF YOU KNOW WHAT TO LOOK FOR.
AND ASIDE FROM BEAUTIFULLY COMPLEMENTING YOUR CREDENZA,
WHY IS HE IN YOUR DINING ROOM?
THAT'S MY FATHER.
***
I KNEW SOMEONE IN MAINTENANCE AT THE MUSEUM.
I WENT IN WITH THE CLEANING CREW AT NIGHT.
I JUST PUT HIM ON A HAND DOLLY, AND I TOOK HIM. THE GOAL BEING?
TO BURY HIM. TO GIVE HIM A DIGNIFIED RESTING PLACE.
WELL, MAUREEN, THE ONLY THING TO DO IS SURRENDER YOURSELF.
THE POLICE AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE,
AND ONCE THE SEARCH WARRANT IS ISSUED--
WILL I GO TO JAIL? YOU MIGHT.
(scoffs)
HOW DID HE END UP LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE?
MY MOTHER DONATED HIM UPON HIS DEATH.
I MEAN, IT'S PERVERSE, ALAN. LOOK AT HIM, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
WELL, HE CERTAINLY SEEMS HAPPY.
THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO DISPLAY HIM LIKE THAT.
MAUREEN, YOU NEED TO SURRENDER BOTH YOURSELF AND DAD HERE.
MY BEST CHANCE OF KEEPING YOU OUT OF JAIL
IS FOR YOU TO COOPERATE COMPLETELY.
(scoffs)
(people speaking indistinctly)
***
IT IS ALMOST 11:00.
THANK YOU, PAUL.
I WON'T HAVE TO CHECK MY SUNDIAL. HERE YOU GO.
WE HAD A 9:00 CONFERENCE CALL
WITH OUR FORMER GOVERNOR, NO LESS.
I'M SURE YOU HAD A GOOD REASON FOR BLOWING HIM OFF.
I DID, ACTUALLY.
ONE OF MY CLIENTS STOLE HER DEAD FATHER FROM A MUSEUM.
I'M SURE YOU'VE HAD IT HAPPEN TO YOU, PAUL.
PLEASE EXTEND MY APOLOGIES TO MITCH. IT'S MITT.
ALAN, THERE'S A MAN IN YOUR OFFICE.
I TRIED TO GET HIM TO WAIT OUTSIDE, BUT, UH...
WHAT SORT OF MAN, CLARENCE?
A VERY SERIOUS ONE.
DID THE MAN SAY WHAT HE WANTED?
YOU. THAT'S ALL HE'D TELL ME.
I COULD HAVE A GO AT HIM AS CLARICE IF YOU'D LIKE.
THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.
HELLO.
UH, GOOD MORNING, SIR.
MY NAME IS DR. ALVIN AZINABINACROFT.
AND FIRST I WANT TO THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR TAKING THE TIME TO SEE ME. I DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME.
YOU PLANTED YOURSELF LIKE A SQUATTER.
SEEING YOU WAS UNAVOIDABLE.
I'M HERE ON A MATTER OF RATHER GRAVE CONCERN.
NOT TO ME.
I AM A COGNITIVE THERAPIST.
I WORK IN THE PSYCHOLOGY DEPARTMENT
AT BOSTON MEMORIAL.
I'VE RECENTLY BEEN DISCHARGED
FROM MY EMPLOY, WRONGFULLY.
THIS HAS BEEN A MAJOR PERSONAL SETBACK,
IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING.
AND YET, YOU SAY IT.
YOU COME TO ME HIGHLY, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
HERE'S A COPY OF MY CURRICULUM VITAE.
I'VE BEEN PUBLISHED,
LECTURED AT HARVARD-- I'M PREEMINENT.
AND HUMBLE.
FOR ME TO HAVE BEEN DISCHARGED WRONGFULLY
DAMAGES MY NAME, MY REPUTATION, CAREER.
WHY WERE YOU DISCHARGED, DOCTOR...
AZINABINACROFT.
NO, REALLY.
WILL YOU REPRESENT ME?
WHY WERE YOU FIRED?
BECAUSE I'VE SEEN EXTRATERRESTRIAL LIFE. WHO HASN'T?
AND YOUR EMPLOYERS NOW CONSIDER YOU--
CUCKOO. ARE YOU, DOCTOR...
AZINABINACROFT.
THE ANSWER IS NO. THEY'RE OUT THERE, MR. SHORE.
I'VE SEEN 'EM.
***
GET OUTTA MY WAY.
HEY, HEY, HEY! PEDESTRIAN, RIGHT OF WAY.
HUH.
***
WHAT YOU DOING?
ALAN'S GOT TWO CASES AT ONCE.
I'M GOING TO COURT WITH HIM.
YOU NEED SOMETHING? UH, YEAH.
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D LET ME COOK YOU DINNER
TOMORROW NIGHT.
SOUNDS GREAT.
AND I WAS WONDERING IF MAYBE AFTER DINNER,
YOU'D LIKE TO STAY.
UH, S-STAY?
OVERNIGHT.
***
TEMPLE? THAT WOULD MAKE ME SEEM LIKE A JEW.
I'M A JEW, DENNY.
TEMPLE IS A PART OF MY LIFE,
AND IF YOU WANT TO BE A BIG PART OF MY LIFE--
BUT I'M A CHRISTIAN, AND TO CHRISTIANS,
TEMPLE IS A COLLEGE.
MY FAITH IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. AS MINE IS TO ME.
OH, PLEASE. WHAT DENOMINATION ARE YOU?
I'M, UH...
LUTHERAN. I SEE.
AND WHAT DO LUTHERANS BELIEVE IN, DENNY?
WE BELIEVE IN A GREAT MANY THINGS, BETHANY.
BUT MOSTLY WE BELIEVE...
IN, UH, LUTHER.
DENNY, LET ME SAY THIS AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND--
I.E., SENIOR MANAGEMENT.
YOU'RE GOING TO TEMPLE.
(woman) SHE STOLE WHAT?
A PLASTINIZED BODY.
IT'S PART OF AN ANATOMICAL EXHIBITION. THIS IS A REAL BODY?
IT'S PROPERTY, ON CONSIGNMENT TO THE MUSEUM. IT'S HER FATHER.
PROPERTY THAT WAS LEGALLY TRANSFERRED-- STOP CALLING HIM PROPERTY!
HE IS A HUMAN BEING.
ALL RIGHT. DO YOU WANT A TRIAL?
YES, YOUR HONOR.
TWO ACTUALLY, IN CASE THE FIRST ONE DOESN'T GO WELL. PICK A DATE.
I'M READY NOW. MR. BEEDLE?
SURE.
AFTER LUNCH. 2:00. SEE YOU.
ALAN, WE GOTTA FLY.
WE'LL SEE YOU AT 2:00.
HE SAW ALIENS?
UH, NO, NOT ALIENS, YOUR HONOR.
JUST THEIR, UH, MODE OF TRANSPORTATION.
THE POINT IS, IT BEARS NO REFLECTION ON HIS ABILITY
TO PERFORM AS A COGNITIVE THERAPIST.
TO TERMINATE--
WERE THEY GREEN WITH, UH, BIG EYES?
YOUR HONOR, HE DID NOT SEE THE OCCUPANTS OF THE CRAFT.
SIMPLY THE C--
LITTLE ANTENNAE GROWING ON THEIR HEADS?
GOOD MORNING, YOUR HONOR.
JERRY ESPENSON REPRESENTING BOSTON MEMORIAL.
PLEASE NOTE MY OBJECTION THAT RESPONDENT
DID NOT RECEIVE NOTICE OF THIS PROCEEDING,
AND AS SUCH, I WOULD ASK THAT YOU S-- JERRY.
ALAN! OH, MY GOD. (laughs)
OH, I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE OPPOSING COUNSEL. NOR I YOU.
YOU REPRESENT BOSTON MEMORIAL?
MY PRACTICE IS GOING VERY WELL.
I CHANGED MEDICATIONS. DID YOU NOT GET MY E-MAIL?
I DID, BUT, JERRY, WOW.
THIS IS A HUGE CLIENT.
(Alan and Jerry laugh)
WHY ARE THE LAWYERS HUGGING?
YOUR HONOR, OPPOSING COUNSEL AND I ARE GOOD FRIENDS.
GIVEN THAT, NOTICE, ALAN?
IT'S EX PARTE. FAIR ENOUGH.
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
STOP IT.
I WON'T HAVE HAPPINESS IN MY COURTROOM.
YOUR HONOR, THE TERMINATION WAS ENTIRELY LAWFUL.
DR. AZINABINACROFT HAS LOST TOUCH WITH REALITY.
I WOULD LIKE TO QUESTION THE PERSON
WHO DECIDED TO FIRE HIM.
FAIR ENOUGH. THIS AFTERNOON? WELL, I'M ALREADY IN TRIAL AT 2:00.
UH, COULD WE DO IT AT 3:00? OH, 3:00 WORKS.
3:00 THEN. SILENCE!
I GET TO DECIDE.
YOU TWO HUGGERS DON'T GET TO MAKE THE RULES.
I'M THE DECIDER.
3:00.
***
HEY.
WHO WAS THAT GIRL
I JUST SAW LEAVING YOUR OFFICE?
SHE WAS, UH, PRETTY CUTE.
OH, JUST A FRIEND.
JUST A FRIEND?
YOU--YOU DATING HER?
UH, YES, ACTUALLY.
IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE, BUT--
IT'S A GOOD RATTLE JUST THE SAME, I BET. HUH?
EXCUSE ME?
DO YOU REALLY THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE, BRAD?
GETTING ONE GIRL KNOCKED UP WHILE YOU'RE DATING ANOTHER? WHAT?
DID YOU NOT HEAR ME? AM I BEING TOO SUBTLE?
NO, DENISE. YOU'RE BEING ANYTHING BUT SUBTLE.
AND THEN BRINGING HER INTO THE OFFICE,
THAT'S REALLY CLASSY.
YOU SHOULD JUST PARADE HER RIGHT INTO MY OFFICE.
YOU TWO COULD DO A LITTLE SHAWNE MERRIMAN SACK DANCE,
YOU INSENSITIVE PIG.
SO ANY HORMONES KICKING IN WITH THIS PREGNANCY,
OR IS EVERYTHING SORT OF EVEN-KEEL?
(coffee cup clanks)
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HAVE SEX WITH YOURSELF, BRAD?
IS THAT TOO SUBTLE?
HOW'S IT GOING?
***
NATHAN VERY MUCH WANTED TO BE AN ORGAN DONOR,
BUT GIVEN THE CONDITION OF HIS BODY,
HE WASN'T A CANDIDATE.
BUT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DONATED THE BODY TO THE PROJECT.
YES. CAN YOU TELL US WHY?
WELL, THE INTENT OF THE EXHIBITION,
TO EDUCATE PEOPLE ON THE HUMAN BODY,
NOT JUST THE PHYSIOLOGY,
BUT ALSO THE INFLUENCE ON THE BODY BY LIFESTYLE CHOICE.
THAT'S SOMETHING THAT DEFINITELY
WOULD'VE APPEALED TO NATHAN.
WHEN HE EXPLORED BEING AN ORGAN DONOR,
HE WANTED HIS REMAINS TO BENEFIT OTHERS.
BEING A PART OF THIS EXHIBITION WOULD'VE ACCOMPLISHED THAT.
THAT'S... WHY I DONATED THE BODY.
SO YOU NEVER HAD THE EXACT CONVERSATION,
"HONEY, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL ABOUT HAVING YOUR BODY
"PUT ON DISPLAY, SKINLESS, TO BE SHOWCASED
AS A DRUNK WITH VENEREAL DISEASE?"
AS I SAID, IT'S MY BELIEF
HE WOULD'VE WANTED HIS REMAINS TO BENEFIT OTHERS.
ACCORDING TO YOUR DAUGHTER, HE WAS A FAIRLY PRIVATE MAN.
IS THAT TRUE?
YES.
YOU THINK, AS A PRIVATE MAN, HE WOULD'VE BEEN FINE
WITH HAVING HIS BODY PUT ON DISPLAY, SKINLESS,
AS A DRUNK WITH VENEREAL DISEASE?
I THINK HE'D BE HAPPY TO KNOW HIS FINAL LEGACY WAS SELFLESS.
"SELFLESS"? DID HE LOVE HIS CHILDREN?
VERY MUCH.
YOU THINK HAD HE KNOWN THAT IT WOULD HURT THEM,
HAVING HIS BODY PUT ON DISPLAY, SKINLESS,
AS A DRUNK WITH VENEREAL DISEASE... HE DIDN'T KNOW THAT, NOR DID I.
EXPOSED IN DEATH AS A DEGENERATE.
THAT'S HOW HE LIVED. MAYBE PEOPLE SHOULD SEE HOW HE...
YOUR HUSBAND HURT YOU A GREAT DEAL,
DIDN'T HE, MRS. FLEMING?
THIS ISN'T ABOUT THAT.
IT ISN'T ABOUT HURTING HIM?
WELL... IF IT IS,
YOU'VE CERTAINLY ACCOMPLISHED THAT, HAVEN'T YOU?
***
DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHAT THAT WAS ALL ABOUT?
BRAD, WE MAY NOT BE A COUPLE, BUT I AM HAVING YOUR BABY,
WHICH THE ENTIRE OFFICE KNOWS.
AS SUCH, IT IS COMPLETELY HUMILIATING
WHEN YOU PRANCE THESE TROPHY GIRLS AROUND
IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.
I WANT TO BE A COUPLE.
WE ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY COMPATIBLE AS A COUPLE,
AS EVIDENCED BY YOUR PREFERENCE FOR THAT AIRHEADED,
AIRBRUSHED BIMBO YOU BROUGHT IN HERE.
MY PREFERENCE IS YOU.
OH.
DENISE, YOU CITE MY VALUES AS AN OBSTACLE.
WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES? THIS FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS THING--
WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES, DENISE? YOU GET ENGAGED TO A GUY
WHO BUYS BODY PARTS ON A BLACK MARKET,
WHO CORRUPTS CANCER STUDIES-- WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?
YOU SLEEP WITH JEFFREY COHO, A MAN YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE.
AND LET'S NOT FORGET THE POLICEMAN YOU DID LAST YEAR
TO GET OUT OF A PARKING TICKET.
OKAY.
YOU'RE LOST.
NO! I'M SCARED.
I AM ALONE.
AND I AM HAVING A BABY, AND I AM COMPLETELY ALONE.
BY YOUR CHOICE.
(elevator bell dings)
AND YOU'VE BEEN ABLE TO CONFIRM ALL OF THIS?
YES. I SOURCED IT ALL ON THE BACK PAGE.
EXCELLENT. EXCELLENT WORK, CLARENCE.
WHAT'S WRONG?
OH.
CLARENCE?
CLARENCE, WHAT'S WRONG?
WELL, UH...
CLAIRE ASKED ME TO STAY OVER.
I SEE.
WELL, YOU HAVE...
STRONG FEELINGS FOR CLAIRE, DON'T YOU?
VERY STRONG. I THINK I LOVE HER.
BUT--
BUT I'VE NEVER...
AH.
I--I'M NOT SURE I'LL, UH...
CLARENCE, UM...
THE--THE THING ABOUT MAKING LOVE
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
IT'LL HAPPEN WHEN IT'S RIGHT.
AND WHEN IT'S RIGHT,
EVERYTHING JUST HAPPENS NATURALLY.
YOU COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY.
I JUST WENT BLANK.
(man) HE'S AN ENORMOUSLY GIFTED THERAPIST,
AN INVALUABLE ASSET TO OUR CLINIC.
BUT?
WE'RE IN THE BUSINESS OF HELPING PEOPLE COPE WITH REALITY.
HE NEEDS TO BE IN TOUCH WITH HIS.
HE'S TELLING HIS CLIENTS THAT THERE ARE ALIENS OUT THERE
MONITORING US.
UH, HOLD ON A SECOND. UH, THERE'S NO SMOKING IN HERE.
IT'S WOODEN, JUDGE. NOT REAL.
IT'S A PROPRIOCEPTIVE TOOL.
A WHAT? RELAXATION TECHNIQUE.
NEVER MIND. YOU JUST SIT THERE AND JUDGE.
I WON'T ACTUALLY SMOKE IT.
YOU SAID YOU ASKED HIM TO STOP TALKING ABOUT THE U.F.O.
OVER AND OVER, AND HE SAID HE COULD NOT.
HE SAID THAT ONCE ONE ACTUALLY SEES
AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL SPACECRAFT,
ONE HAS TO RETHINK WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT THE WORLD
AND OUR PLACE IN IT, WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HUMAN.
THANK YOU. PASS THE WITNESS. RESERVE THE RIGHT TO RECALL.
GO AHEAD, ALAN.
(clears throat)
DID YOU FIRE HIM FOR SEEING THE U.F.O.
OR TALKING ABOUT IT?
HE WAS DISCHARGED PRIMARILY
FOR DISCUSSING IT WITH HIS PATIENTS.
BUT OBVIOUSLY THE FACT THAT HE IS CONVINCED THAT HE SAW IT--
YOU DON'T BELIEVE HE REALLY SAW IT.
NO, I DON'T.
I SUPPOSE IF THERE REALLY WAS A U.F.O.
HOVERING ABOVE O'HARE AIRPORT LAST NOVEMBER,
DR. AZINABINACROFT WOULD GET HIS JOB BACK.
WELL-- HE WOULDN'T BE OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY THEN, WOULD HE?
I'M SORRY. I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT FOR THE COURT
THAT COUNSEL IS VERY TRICKY.
AND I WOULD ASK YOUR HONOR THAT HE BE NOTED AS SUCH.
HE IS A PROFOUND TRICKSTER, IT MUST BE SAID.
I SAY IT WITH AFFECTION. CONTINUE.
IF YOU WERE SATISFIED THAT DR. AZINABINACROFT
DID SEE AN UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT
IN CHICAGO THAT NIGHT,
YOU WOULD HAVE TO REVISIT YOUR DECISION,
WOULDN'T YOU, SIR?
WELL, I GUESS I WOULD HAVE TO.
I SUPPOSE THE EXPLANATION IS SIMPLE.
THE SPACECRAFT TRAVELED 5 BILLION LIGHT-YEARS TO EARTH
AND THEN LEFT BECAUSE OF ALL THE AIRPORT HASSLE.
I MEAN, WHO NEEDS THAT, REALLY?
(jury laughs)
(Alan chuckles)
***
SO YOU WANT TO PROVE THE U.F.O. IS REAL?
IT SEEMS LIKE THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO.
I THINK JERRY COULD BEAT ME ON THIS.
HE'S GOT THIS NEWFOUND CONFIDENCE.
I WAS ABDUCTED ONCE.
I CAN'T BE SURE.
IT FELT LIKE A DREAM, ONLY MORE REAL.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WELL, UH, UH...
THESE ALIENS IN THE FORM OF ANN-MARGRET
TOOK ME TO THEIR SPACECRAFT AND HAD SEX WITH ME.
I'M GONNA GO WITH DREAM ON THAT ONE.
I-I'VE GOTTA GO TO TEMPLE TOMORROW.
BETHANY'S MAKING ME.
ON A WEDNESDAY?
YEAH, IT'S A TUBBY SHARAT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT--
JEWISH ARBOR DAY.
I GOTTA WEAR A BEANIE.
THE THINGS WE DO FOR LOVE.
ALAN, YOU CALLED ME?
I DID...
AND ON A RATHER DELICATE MATTER
THAT WOULD ORDINARILY BE NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
TRY ANYTHING WITH ME,
I'LL SEVER YOUR FAVORITE APPENDAGE.
CLARENCE IS EXTREMELY ANXIOUS THAT HIS APPENDAGE
WILL BE CALLED INTO SERVICE. OH.
HE SEEMS AS IF HE'S ABOUT TO...
RETREAT INTO CLARICE AGAIN,
AND I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.
THANK YOU.
DO YOU THINK BETHANY COULD BE AN ALIEN?
***
OFF TO COURT AGAIN?
YEAH.
CLARENCE...
ALAN INTIMATED TO ME THAT YOU INTIMATED TO HIM
THAT YOU WERE NERVOUS...
OH. ABOUT STAYING AT MY PLACE TONIGHT.
(sighs)
LOOK, THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP
IS HAVING SOMEBODY TO SHARE YOUR FEARS WITH.
EVEN THAT ONE? ESPECIALLY THAT ONE.
JUST... TALK TO ME. OKAY?
OKAY.
I KNOW THAT HE DIDN'T LIVE A PARTICULARLY DIGNIFIED LIFE,
BUT HE WAS A MAN OF DIGNITY.
AND TO BE EXHIBITED LIKE THAT,
SO THAT THE WHOLE WORLD CAN SEE HIS--
HIS RAVAGED LIVER AND ORGANS
WHILE HE'S HOLDING A LIQUOR BOTTLE AND SMILING?
NOBODY DESERVES THAT.
YOU DO REALIZE THAT THIS... DECISION
LEGALLY BELONGED TO YOUR MOTHER?
NO, LEGALLY, SHE WAS TO DO WHAT HE WANTED.
THIS WAS NOT HIS WISH. HE WOULD NEVER...
(sighs)
OH, FOR GOD SAKES, MOM.
COULDN'T YOU AT LEAST ALLOW HIM TO FIND
A LITTLE REDEMPTION IN DEATH?
YOU GO TO CHURCH, MS. FLEMING?
I DO. YOU BELIEVE IN HEAVEN?
OF COURSE. DO YOU THINK YOUR FATHER IS IN HEAVEN RIGHT NOW?
OBJECTION. OVERRULED.
DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR DAD IS IN HEAVEN?
I DON'T KNOW. I HOPE SO.
WAS YOUR FATHER A RELIGIOUS MAN?
NO.
DID HE BELIEVE IN GOD?
OBJECTION. OVERRULED.
DID HE BELIEVE IN GOD
OR HEAVEN?
NO, HE DIDN'T.
SO THIS IS MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT.
***
I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.
AND, UM...
IN AN IDEAL WORLD,
I WOULD LIVE WITH THE FATHER OF MY CHILD.
TOWARD THAT, I FEEL I OWE IT TO MY CHILD
TO AT LEAST EXPLORE THE... POSSIBILITY OF...
(sighs)
I WANT US TO SEE A COUPLES THERAPIST
TO GET A PROFESSIONAL PROGNOSIS AS TO OUR...
EMOTIONAL AND PRACTICAL COMPATIBILITY.
WHY DON'T WE JUST DATE, SEE HOW IT GOES?
NO. I'M NOT GONNA WASTE TIME. WE'LL SEE A DOCTOR.
***
HEY. HOW'S IT GOING?
("Shabbat Shalom" playing)
* BIM
(all) * BAM
(woman) * BIM BIM BIM BAM
* BIM BIM BIM BIM BIM BAM
(all) * OY YOI
* YOI YOI YOI YOI
* OY YOI YOI YOI YOI YOI
* SHABBAT SHALOM...
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? SHUT UP AND SING.
I DON'T KNOW THE WORDS.
"OY YOI YOI." JUST DO IT.
(all) * OY YOI YOI YOI YOI YOI *
* OY YOI YOI YOI YOI YOI *
* OY * SHABBAT SHALOM
* OY YOI YOI * SHABBAT SHALOM
* YOI YOI YOI * SHABBAT, SHABBAT, SHABBAT
* SHABBAT SHALOM * YOI YOI YOI
* YOI
I WORK AS AN AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER
AT O'HARE AIRPORT IN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A HIGH-STRESS JOB. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
TELL ME, SIR, ON THE EVENING OF NOVEMBER 7, 2006,
DID YOU GET ANY CALLS, UH, ABOUT, SAY... EXTRATERRESTRIALS?
(laughs) I'M SORRY. COULD WE BE ANY MORE LEADING?
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD WHIP OUT ONE OF THOSE LEASHES YOU USE
IN YOUR RECREATIONAL PURSUITS? WHAT?
OVERRULED. SIT DOWN, YOU.
(man clears throat) UH, WE WERE CONTACTED
BY AIRLINE SUPERVISOR AND INFORMED THAT
SEVERAL OF ITS PASSENGERS
AS WELL AS A DOZEN OR SO OF ITS EMPLOYEES
SPOTTED AN ELLIPTICAL SHAPED CRAFT
SITTING MOTIONLESS OVER CONCOURSE "C"
OF THE UNITED TERMINAL.
IN FACT, EVEN THE UNITED AIRLINES' PILOT
CLAIMED TO HAVE SEEN IT. AM I RIGHT? YOU ARE.
SO ONE WOULDN'T BE CONSIDERED OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY OR--
HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
OOH. SORRY, YOUR HONOR.
REMEMBER, IT ISN'T REAL. IT'S JUST WOOD. PAY NO MIND.
WOOD IS FLAMMABLE. YOU WILL NOT LIGHT IT.
(mutters)
MR. BETTMAN,
CAN YOU SAY WITH ALL CERTAINTY
THAT THERE WASN'T A U.F.O. HOVERING OVER O'HARE THAT NIGHT?
WELL, I SUPPOSE WE CAN'T PROVE A NEGATIVE.
BUT OUR CONCLUSION WAS THAT IT WAS A WEATHER PHENOMENON.
A LOUD CLOUD CEILING.
A LOT OF LIGHTS IN THE SKY.
THIS WAS NO WEATHER PHENOMENON.
IT HOVERED,
AND THEN IT SHOT THROUGH THE CLOUDS AND LEFT A HOLE. A HOLE?
DOZENS OF PEOPLE GAVE THE EXACT SAME DESCRIPTION,
INCLUDING SOME MECHANICS AT THE AIRLINES.
THERE WAS SOMETHING... UNEARTHLY UP THERE.
AND THE RADAR SHOWED NOTHING?
THE F.A.A. WON'T RELEASE THE RADAR DATA
OR THE VOICE COMMUNICATIONS.
WHAT ARE THEY HIDING?
WELL, ON "THE X-FILES," IT WAS THE TRUTH.
GREAT SHOW, WASN'T IT? HOW MANY OF YOU WATCHED "THE X-FILES"?
FRIDAY NIGHT-- LOUSY TIME SLOT. SILENCE.
***
I MUST SAY, JERRY,
YOU HAD QUITE THE SWAGGER IN THERE.
LOOK, ALAN, THE FACT THAT OTHERS THOUGHT THEY SAW IT
DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.
OF COURSE IT MATTERS.
THE FACT THAT OTHERS SAW IT MEANS MY CLIENT ISN'T CRAZY,
WHICH WAS THE VERY BASIS OF HIS DISCHARGE.
NO. THE BASIS WAS THAT HE TALKED ABOUT IT WITH HIS CLIENTS.
NO. IT WAS THAT HE THOUGHT HE SAW AN ALIEN--
LOOK, I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU HERE, I REALLY WOULD,
BUT MY HANDS ARE TIED. YOUR HANDS AREN'T TIED. THEY'RE IN YOUR POCKETS.
WHAT IS THIS? NEW THERAPY.
GOOD, ISN'T IT?
LOOK, HERE'S THE DEAL...
YOU'RE GONNA GET UP, SAY "OTHERS SAW IT,
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, THEREFORE NOT CRAZY."
WHATEVER. YOU'LL BE EFFECTIVE. YOU ALWAYS ARE.
BUT I'LL GET UP, MAKE THE POINT THAT A FUNCTION OF HIS JOB--
THE FUNCTION, ACTUALLY-- IS TO GROUND HIS PATIENTS.
A THERAPIST HAS TO COME FROM A RELATABLE PLACE.
AL, COME ON. WHEN YOU SIT THERE AND TALK ABOUT SPACE ALIENS,
HOW EFFECTIVE CAN YOU REALLY BE AS A COGNITIVE THERAPIST?
DO WE SYMPATHIZE? OF COURSE WE DO.
BUT THE MAN CAN NO LONGER DO HIS JOB.
(laughs) HERE'S THE PROBLEM...
WITH YOUR THEORY, JERRY.
AS PLAUSIBLE AS IT SOUNDS NOW, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW
WHEN YOU ACTUALLY GET UP TO GIVE YOUR CLOSING,
YOU'RE "HANDS" ESPENSON.
CHEWING ON A SILLY WOODEN CIGARETTE
ISN'T GOING TO DISTRACT YOU FROM THE REALITY
THAT YOU HAVE VERY LITTLE TRIAL EXPERIENCE,
THAT YOU'RE SCARED TO DEATH JUST TO BE IN THE ROOM,
AND THAT AS ABLE AS YOU MIGHT BE TO FOOL OTHERS
OR EVEN YOURSELF, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE,
AND KNOWING THAT I KNOW, FEELING MY STARE UPON YOU,
THAT YOU'LL BE UTTERLY REDUCED TO AN INEFFECTIVE,
BUMBLING, INARTICULATE MAN WITH ASPERGER'S,
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, JERRY.
(clatters)
(squeaks) JERRY...
JERRY.
(hoots)
***
(knock on door)
I WAS JUST LAWYERING, JERRY.
ONE OF THE GAMES TRIAL ATTORNEYS PLAY
IS TO PSYCH-OUT OPPOSING COUNSEL.
YOU CAN CERTAINLY APPRECIATE THAT.
MY INTENT WAS TO UNNERVE YOU,
NOT BECAUSE I BELIEVE YOU TO BE INEFFECTIVE
OR INARTICULATE
BUT BECAUSE I KNOW YOU TO BE JUST THE OPPOSITE.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
I HAVE A PROPOSAL.
I'M LISTENING.
MY CLIENT GETS HIS JOB BACK,
HE AGREES NOT TO DISCUSS THE U.F.O. SIGHTING
OR HIS OPINIONS ON...
EXTRATERRESTRIAL LIFE.
NO MONEY DAMAGES.
OKAY.
JERRY...
YOU'LL RECALL I ONCE ADVISED YOU
TO FLEE THE PRACTICE OF LAW BECAUSE IT'S AN UGLY OCCUPATION,
WHICH CALLS UPON ITS PARTICIPANTS
TO DO UGLY THINGS.
I AM VERY...
ACCOMPLISHED IN THE PRACTICE OF LAW, JERRY.
I'LL TAKE THE OFFER TO MY CLIENT.
BASICALLY, I DON'T THINK
THAT WE'RE COMPATIBLE AS A COUPLE,
AS PARTNERS--
50-50 PARTNERS.
IF WE WERE TO BE TOGETHER, HE WOULD PROBABLY START OUT
BY--BY DEMANDING THAT I QUIT MY JOB
AND STAY AT HOME WITH THE BABY.
IS THAT TRUE, BRAD?
YES. HMM.
YOU DON'T THINK A WOMAN CAN HAVE BOTH A CAREER AND A FAMILY?
CAN SHE? OF COURSE.
SHOULD SHE? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
OH, AND--AND THIS IS HIM WOOING ME.
DENISE, YOU HAVE A BABY, THAT'S IT.
BABY COMES FIRST, PERIOD.
EVEN IF HE COULD GET BY WITH A NANNY, YOU COULDN'T.
IT WOULD KILL YOU. SO WHO ARE WE KIDDING HERE?
YOU STAY HOME, YOU RAISE THE KID, THE KID GROWS UP,
THEN YOU CAN GO BACK TO WORK.
OKAY, DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.
MOTHERS WANT TO STAY HOME.
IT'S ONLY BECAUSE OF SOCIETAL PRESSURES
THEY FEEL THEY CAN'T BE A FEMINIST
AND STILL A STAY-AT-HOME MOM, SO WHAT DO THEY DO?
THEY DRAG THEMSELVES BACK TO THE OFFICE, AND LIKE I SAID,
IT KILLS THEM, AND IT'LL KILL DENISE.
NOW I WOULDN'T ASK HER TO DO ANYTHING
THAT SHE DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO DO.
I KNOW THAT. SHE KNOWS THAT. AND IF YOU'RE ANY KIND
OF A REAL THERAPIST, YOU KNOW THAT, TOO.
THIS IDEA OF A 50-50 PARTNERSHIP...
SHE PICKS THE WALLPAPER. I CHOOSE THE CAR.
CHORES?
I MOW THE LAWN. SHE MAKES DINNER. SEX?
I'M THE HUSBAND. SHE'S THE WIFE.
***
EVEN IF SHE'S RIGHT ABOUT WHAT HER FATHER WOULD'VE WANTED,
THAT DOES NOT ENTITLE HER TO STEAL THE BODY
FROM A MUSEUM.
SHE CAN RESORT TO EQUITABLE RELIEF,
BUT NOT GRAND LARCENY.
BEYOND THAT, THIS IS ABOUT HER RELIGIOUS BELIEFS,
NOT HER FATHER'S.
HE DIDN'T BELIEVE IN GOD OR HEAVEN OR THE SOUL.
THIS IS ABOUT THE DEFENDANT
IMPOSING HER RELIGIOUS VALUES
AND COMMITTING A CRIME TO DO SO.
WE ALL KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT CAN BE.
(whispers) ALAN... IT'S YOUR TURN.
I KNOW THAT, CLARENCE.
(clears throat)
LIFE ON EARTH WAS NOT VERY GOOD TO MAUREEN FLEMING'S FATHER.
HE WAS A DRUNK. HE COULDN'T HOLD A JOB.
HE HAD SORDID AFFAIRS.
HE DIED IN PART FROM A SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE.
THERE WAS NO SALVATION OR HAPPY ENDING
TO BE FOUND ON EARTH FOR NATHAN FLEMING.
WHICH COULD ONLY MAKE MAUREEN THAT MUCH MORE DESPERATE
TO THINK THAT THERE MUST BE ANOTHER, BETTER WORLD
WAITING FOR HER FATHER SOMEWHERE.
SHE CARTED HIS BODY OUT OF THAT MUSEUM
SO THAT HER FATHER COULD FINALLY
LEAVE THIS WORLD BEHIND.
AND HOPEFULLY...
FIND HIS WAY TO A BETTER ONE.
CERTAINLY...
THE 12 OF YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.
YOU KNOW, I... I WANT SO BADLY
TO BELIEVE IN GOD.
NOT BECAUSE OF ANY WORDS IN THE BIBLE
OR CLAIMS MADE BY GOSPELS,
BUT BECAUSE, I SUPPOSE, WITH OUR PLANET
BEING POLLUTED INTO EXTINCTION
WHILE COUNTRY AFTER COUNTRY DEVELOPS NUCLEAR BOMBS,
COINCIDING WITH AN UNPRECEDENTED ESCALATION IN HATRED
WHILE AN ENTIRE CONTINENT IS DYING FROM A.I.D.S.
AND STARVATION
AS THE REST OF THE WORLD PRETENDS NOT TO NOTICE,
IT'S JUST NOT THAT EASY THESE DAYS
TO HAVE FAITH IN MAN.
BUT IF WE DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD,
THEN OUR ONLY ALTERNATIVE IS TO BELIEVE IN MAN.
WELL, I'M NOT SURE IF I DO BELIEVE IN GOD.
AND EVEN IF I DID, I'M NOT SURE HE'D BE THE SAME GOD
THAT YOU BELIEVE IN, OR YOU BELIEVE IN.
BUT IN THE THROES OF DOUBT,
I STILL DO BELIEVE IN MAN.
I BELIEVE IN MAN'S INNATE SENSE OF HUMANITY,
HIS POTENTIAL FOR COMPASSION, REASON, UH,
RIGHTEOUSNESS IN HIS HEART.
TODAY, NOW, I APPEAL TO YOU
IN THE HOPE THAT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN MY CLIENT
TOOK HER FATHER'S BODY SO THAT SHE MAY BURY HIM
SO THAT HE MAY REST IN PEACE
AND PERHAPS FIND SOME SALVATION,
SHE DID SO ACTING ON HER HUMANITY,
ON... THE RIGHTEOUSNESS IN HER HEART.
***
BARUCH ATA ADONOAI
ELOHEINU MELECH HA'OLAM
ASHER BID'VARO MA'ARIV ARAVIM. (snoring)
BEHOCHMA POTEACH SH'ARIM
UVIT'VUNA M'SHANEH ITIM
UMACHALIF ET HAZ'MANIM
UM'SADER ET HAKOCHAVIM
BEMISHM'RO-TEHEM BARAKI-A KIRTZONO.
BOREH YUM VALAYLA, GOLEL OR MIPNEI...
(man singing in Hebrew)
UMA'AVIR YOM UMEVI LAILA,
UMAVDIL BEIN YOM UVEIN LAILA,
ADONAI TZ'VA-OT SH'MO.
***
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT STUCK TO YOUR FACE?
(singing continues)
DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
(both grunting)
DENNY, DON'T YOU DARE.
(speaking indistinctly)
***
OW! OH. (congregation gasps)
HOLY CRAP. I SHOT THE RABBI.
***
HOW DID YOU GET A LAWYER SO QUICKLY?
THIS IS A DIFFICULT TIME FOR ALL OF US, MR. CRANE.
I THINK WE CAN AGREE,
IT WOULD BE BEST TO RESOLVE THIS PRIVATELY.
IF RABBI HERSHMAN WERE TO REPORT THE ASSAULT TO THE POLICE,
WELL, GIVEN YOUR GRUMBLINGS THAT WERE HEARD
BY OTHERS IN THE SYNAGOGUE,
YOU COULD FACE PROSECUTION FOR A HATE CRIME.
YOU CAN'T THREATEN CRIMINAL PROSECUTION
TO ADVANCE A CIVIL CLAIM. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU PEOPLE HAVE AN OVERREACTING PROBLEM. YOU DO KNOW THAT? WE "PEOPLE"?
YEAH, SAME THING IN LEBANON. THEY GRAB A FEW SOLDIERS,
YOU RESPOND WITH OVERKILL. THAT'S A PROBLEM.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT ISRAEL DOESN'T HAVE THE RIGHT
TO DEFEND ITSELF? WELL, OF COURSE THEY DO,
BUT YOU DON'T BLOW UP A WHOLE COUNTRY 'CAUSE YOU GET MAD.
ONLY THE UNITED THE STATES ENJOYS THAT PRIVILEGE.
AND WE'RE A SUPERPOWER. GOD IS ON OUR SIDE. GUM?
GOOD-BYE, DENNY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
SHE'LL BE BACK.
GET OUT OF MY WAY. HANDICAPPED.
LOOK OUT. HANDICAPPED.
THAT WAS QUITE AN INTERESTING TACK
YOU TOOK THERE WITH THE THERAPIST, BRAD.
IT WASN'T A TACK. IT WAS THE TRUTH.
SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FACE THE TRUTH, DENISE?
WHICH IS?
THAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR CHILDREN
THE SAME LIFE THAT YOUR PARENTS GAVE YOU--
DAD WORKS, MOM STAYS AT HOME--
THE PERFECT NORMAN ROCKWELL NUCLEAR FAMILY THAT USED TO BE.
UH, BRAD, WE LIVE IN VERY DIFFERENT TIMES
THAN THEY DID. OH, RIGHT, MODERN TIMES.
50% OF WOMEN ARE MANLESS RIGHT NOW. 50%.
IS THAT PROGRESS, FEMINISM OR BOTH?
IT--IT--WHAT, DO YOU INTEND TO BLUDGEON ME
INTO GIVING US A CHANCE?
NO. I'M ASKING.
FOR YOU, FOR ME, FOR OUR CHILD,
GIVE US A CHANCE.
MADAM FOREPERSON,
THE JURY HAS REACHED A UNANIMOUS VERDICT?
WE HAVE, YOUR HONOR.
WHAT SAY YOU? "IN THE MATTER OF
"THE COMMONWEALTH OF MASSACHUSETTS
"vs. MAUREEN FLEMING
"ON THE CHARGE OF GRAND THEFT LARCENY,
WE THE JURY FIND THE DEFENDANT NOT GUILTY."
THE COMMONWEALTH THANKS YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.
WE ARE ADJOURNED.
CONGRATULATIONS, MAUREEN.
THANK YOU.
CAN I BURY MY FATHER NOW?
I'M AFRAID THAT'S AN ISSUE THAT WILL HAVE TO BE DECIDED
AT ANOTHER TIME.
JERRY.
THE SETTLEMENT TERMS
ARE ACCEPTABLE TO MY CLIENT.
GOOD.
I SHOULD ALSO--
I SHOULD THANK YOU FOR THE LESSON.
OF COURSE OPPOSING COUNSEL
WILL TRY TO EXPLOIT MY ASPERGER'S,
AND...
I-I THANK YOU, ALAN.
AS A RESULT OF THIS, MY SKIN WILL ONLY GET MORE CALLOUSED.
I'LL BE MORE HARDENED.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW, I DON'T TAKE WHAT YOU SAID PERSONALLY.
I DO, JERRY.
AND I'M DEEPLY SORRY.
DON'T BE.
WELL, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN...
***
SHE DUMPED YOU?
BECAUSE OF MY VIEWS ON THE MIDDLE EAST.
IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY TIME
A MIDGET BROKE UP WITH ME OVER POLITICS.
(laughs)
DENNY, YOU THINK YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS
TO BE JEWISH?
OH, PLEASE.
I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO BE LUTHERAN.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?
OF COURSE I DO. YOU KNOW I DO.
WHY?
WHY? WHY?
B-BECAUSE IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD
AND IT TURNS OUT THERE'S NO GOD,
THERE'S NO HARM, NO FOUL.
BUT IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD,
AND IT TURNS OUT THERE IS ONE, YOU'RE SCREWED.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HE LOOKS LIKE?
LIKE ME. PERHAPS THINNER.
YOU THINK HE LOOKS LIKE YOU?
GOD MADE MAN IN HIS IMAGE.
AND SPECIFICALLY? ME.
(laughs)
WHY DOES HE ALLOW FOR ALL THE SUFFERING THAT GOES ON?
OVEREXTENDED.
WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?
I'M NOT SURE.
I THINK I BELIEVE MOSTLY IN FRIENDSHIP--
YOURS,
JERRY ESPENSON'S.
I WASN'T A VERY GOOD FRIEND TO HIM TODAY.
I HATE THAT YOU'RE SEEING HIM AGAIN.
HE WAS OPPOSING COUNSEL.
OH, I HURT HIM TODAY.
HOW?
BY BEING A LAWYER.
AT THE END OF THE DAY, ALAN,
WE HAVE TO BE WHO WE ARE.
AND YOU AND I...
MORE THAN ANYTHING...
WE'RE LAWYERS.
DAMN RIGHT.
***
Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
NEXT ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...
ALAN SHORE!
HAS ANYBODY SEEN ALAN SHORE?!
ALAN SHORE! OKAY, I KNOW THIS LOOKS REALLY BAD.
BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME. I DIDN'T DO IT. YOUR BLOODY DRESS,
YOUR POSSESSION OF THE MURDER WEAPON,
YOUR BEING ALONE WITH THE VICTIM...
NO IDEA WHO SNUCK INTO THE WAITING ROOM? I WAS PASSED OUT!
WELL, IF YOU DIDN'T DO IT, WHO DID? THERE WAS ONE PERSON IN THAT COURTHOUSE WHO KNEW HIM,
RAN FROM THE ROOM DRENCHED IN HIS BLOOD,
CLUTCHING THE MURDER WEAPON. AND SUPPOSE THERE WAS ANOTHER WOMAN WHO DID THIS.
SUPPOSE WE SEARCHED FOR HER AND FOUND HER.
WELL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THERE IS SUCH A WOMAN.