♪
[crash]
[garbage disposal]
[water droplet]
[sink squeaks]
[sigh]
All right, Miles.
Just go to sleep.
Go to sleep.
Stop talking to yourself and just go to sleep.
Maybe I'll count sheep.
Okay.
One.
Two.
Nice try. That's a goat. Doesn't count.
Three.
Faaa, this isn't working.
Maybe some white noise. Some nice calming rain.
[rain sounds]
Some rain that's gonna make all the sheep wet and smell bad.
And you know what? Forget it.
Forget it. Forget it.
[sigh]
You know, of all the things to be bad at,
why do I have to be bad at sleeping?
[Title Music Begins]
♪ Staring into the darkness ♪
♪ Sometimes I go blind ♪
♪ Dancing with demons ♪
♪ I make up in my mind ♪
♪ Maybe it's true ♪
♪ I have an issue or two ♪
♪ When I do close my eyes... ♪
♪ Dreaming of you ♪
♪ Staring into the darkness ♪
♪ Sometimes I go blind ♪
♪ Dancing with demons ♪
♪ I make up in my mind ♪
♪ Maybe it's true I have an issue or two ♪
♪ When I do close my eyes.... ♪
♪ Dreaming of You ♪
♪ When I do close my eyes... ♪
[Sinister bells chime]
[a heartbeat echoes]
[eerie music]
[growls]
[heartbeat quickens]
[growls]
Wake up!
[gasps]
[breathes heavily]
[sliding noise]
[pen scratching]
[deep breath]
[laughs]
I, I like your pajamas.
Oh, thank you very much.
Figured I better dress for the job at hand today.
To-Tonight.
Plus, you got to rep the polar bears while they're still around. You know?
Plus...
they're really good at breaking the ice.
[laughs]
I am so sorry.
That was the cheesiest thing I have ever done.
Ever will do.
And, well, at least I hope I ever will do. Um, I...
I am Miles.
Ren.
Pleasure to meet you, Ren.
Polar bear line was not something I planned, by the way.
Umm. No yeah, I figured.
I mean, only a psychopath or serial killer would come here to pick up women.
I am neither, luckily.
Just a little nervous energy on my part.
Well, I wouldn't worry too much.
It sounds like the easiest possible test to take.
True. True. True.
So, what are you in for, Ren?
Unless you don't want to say. Of course.
Sleep apnea.
Ah, what's that?
Sometimes when I'm sleeping, I forget how to breathe.
-Oh, yeah, that's important. -[Ren laughs]
-Glad you're here. -Yeah, you know, it just
slips my mind. What can I say? -[Miles laughs]
And yourself?
General nightmare, tomfoolery and sleep paralysis.
Sometimes my mind wakes up before the rest of my body and I can't move at all.
Oh, well, not fun?
I'm used to it at this point.
But recently, and now this is very interesting,
I've been getting sleep paralysis,
plus, a shadow demon crawling up
my body while I'm still half asleep and can't move.
I'm sorry.
A what?
A sleep demon, dream hallucination. Yeah.
Absolutely terrifying. As it sounds.
Yeah.
Okay, not to freak you out
even more, Miles,
but um...
Are you sure it's a hallucination?
[Ren laughs]
And you have successfully freaked me out just a little bit more, Ren.
I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
We're ready for you, Mr. Puck.
Oh, great grand and amazing.
It was nice meeting you, Ren.
And I hope you remember to breathe.
Maybe, like, tie a string around your finger. I don't know.
Just throwing stuff out there.
Hmm. Well, good luck with your sleep demon, Miles.
And maybe wear a crucifix or something.
I mean, I don't know, just throwing stuff out there.
[nurse] Now, those might be a little uncomfortable,
but it is of the utmost importance that you keep them on.
You understand?
Okay.
Who's that?
That's Kip Van Winkle.
We let the kids sleep with him when they're feeling anxious.
He wards off bad dreams. Helps kids feel brave.
[thud]
Hope you're good at your job, Kip.
Definitely don't need
another bad dream.
[wind blowing]
[panting]
[growling]
[heavy panting]
[growling]
♪
[tearing sound]
[panting continues]
♪
[grunting]
[snarling]
Okay.
I'll say it.
They aren't very nice.
[Miles] Kip, can't you reason with them?
Oh, I wish I could, but I took three years of polar bear in high school,
and the only thing I remember how to say is, "is anyone hungry?"
And I think we already know the answer to that.
[Polar bear growls]
Luckily for me, they only eat meat.
Wait, what happened to your pillow?
I threw it at the polar bears to slow 'em down.
Oh, no! Now, they have a taste for fluff!
Please try and focus, Kip.
Just look around for something to get us out of this mess
because this is NOT looking good!
Wait.
I think I see something
frozen in that iceberg.
♪
It's a girl.
Well, that's very interesting, but not pertinent at this time.
We have to help her, Kip!
We are about to be eaten alive by polar bears,
and you're thinking with your wiener because you see a pretty girl.
I like where your priorities are!
Now, we need a plan.
Ummm... Uh...
[chimes]
[cracking noise]
[chimes]
♪
[sizzling]
[sizzling continues]
-[slushing sound] -[thud]
Oh, my gosh! You saved her!
I did, didn't I?
[growling]
Oh, my gosh! You killed her!
What?
You thought she was cute,
so you killed her!
-No! -That's some real serial killer type crap!
Maybe if I...
[beaming sound]
[growling]
[sizzling]
[cracking]
[roaring]
Genius!
Use global warming against them!
Their one true weakness!
I did it! I broke the ice.
I mean, I like to think of it as a team effort, but okay.
-[ice cracks] -Uh-oh.
[bubbling sound]
[chimes and growls]
[gasps]
So, last night was a good testing night.
We clocked a couple of anomalies throughout your study.
It was one of those anomalies when I got up to
fight a shadow monster that wasn't there?
Because if not, I'd like to politely suggest we jot that part down.
Don't worry, that part is well documented,
but we can talk about treatment.
Would nightlight do the trick?
Unfortunately, not.
You know, from your results, we believe
that all your symptoms are caused by stress and anxiety.
Your mind is working itself up so much that
you're creating an adrenaline spike,
sending you into fight or flight mode.
A little bit of a vicious cycle, considering this is very much stressing me out.
Well, my recommendation would be to try to break that cycle.
Find things to help you relax.
Look, there's medication.
I don't have health insurance.
Okay.
Alright.
Something else I want you to do is keep a dream journal.
Now, a lot of your dreams may be manifestations
of the things that are causing your anxiety.
So see if any patterns emerge.
Finding out these things is the first step to taking action to relieve some of your stress.
Okay. Keep a dream journal and try and chillax every now and then.
[nurse] Yep.
I can do that.
Okay.
And if it gets worse, I want you to reach out for help.
You understand?
[car approaching]
[breaks squeaking]
Hey, demon slayer.
How'd the match go?
Kicked my ass as always.
And how was your session this slumber party?
Apparently, I need to buy a CPap machine to wear at night.
So now I'm going to be a mixture of Sleeping Beauty and Darth Vader.
You know, as these things go, I'm not a terrible mash up.
Mmm, still not super excited about it oddly enough.
But hey, do you need a ride?
Ah, nah, I'm all good.
But appreciate the offer.
You sure? I have sleep apnea, not narcolepsy.
Now, my ride's, like, five minutes away,
and you might not want to risk my demon switching hosts.
Hmm, good point there.
Okay, well, sweet dreams Miles.
[Carter] You absolute moron.
What was I supposed to do, Carter?
You were, like, five minutes away.
Uh, ghost me. Leave with her.
Just a couple of options.
Send me a text that says,
"My deepest apologies, Carter, but a cute girl has offered me a ride home
and she has boobs while you don't."
I would have loved to get that text!
I also didn't want to inconvenience her for just being polite.
Just being polite?
Yeah. Being nice.
You cannot tell me that that's all you thought that was!
From the way that you describe it, it sounds like you
guys were quipping up a storm in there.
Snappy patter and sparks just flying.
I'm sorry I even brought her up.
At least you got her number right?
-No... -You...
I'm going to kill you, man.
I mean, it wasn't the right time.
You don't speak!
It was medical!
You don't speak, Miles!
Your sleep paralysis demon wingmanned you!
Helped you!
For once!
And you spat in his dumb, spooky face.
I hope he murders you in your sleep tonight.
[thud]
♪
[lamp clicks]
[box thudding]
[clanking]
♪
[clanking]
[sifting sounds]
♪
Okay, Miles, you dropped the ball because your balls never dropped.
But Detective Carter is here to solve the case
of your mystery sleep gasper.
I'm a little lost on what this bit you're doing is.
Keep up. Your future wife.
I'm going to find her online.
Wow. You don't drop anything. -[book slams]
No, I don't. What's her name?
Ren.
Ren what?
I don't know.
Do you want to die alone?
Okay, Ren's not that common of a name, so it'll probably be fine.
And she probably lives relatively close to this sleepy place.
We don't know that.
Bup bup bup!
Who's the detective here, Miles?
No one here is a detective.
Detective Carter is the detective. Okay?
Is she cute?
Yes.
Then this isn't her.
And if it was, I don't approve.
You're not going to find her.
Is this her?
-Yeah, that's her. -Ha ha ha.
Detective Carter earns his Ph.D.
Detectives aren't doctors.
Young Miles, now we get to move on to the fun part.
Come on, dude. I don't want to stalk a random girl I met in a waiting room.
You don't have to because I will.
Ren Helena.
Single.
Interested in men.
Good signs for you, buddy!
Although, with the confounded hookup culture of the youths today,
you just can't really guarantee either of those are exclusively true.
More digging.
This feels really creepy, man.
It is a little creepy.
Okay. Okay.
Good signs thus far.
She seems to be interested in nature documentaries, at least the animal stuff.
No signs of Nazi ism.
Dude, I think, uh-oh.
What?
Looks like we have competition.
Two months ago.
"I'm so lucky to have this guy always by my side."
Tagged Leo Oberon. Well, there you have it.
She has a boyfriend.
That could be her brother or cousin, or it could be a sassy gay best friend, too.
Don't rule that out.
That is clearly a boyfriend brag.
So, we can rest easy just knowing she was only being nice.
You should still friend her.
No. I shouldn't.
Well, I just did.
Come on, dude.
No, no, no.
Ren is my best friend now, and I am going to set her up
with another friend of mine,
because that's what good friends do.
Okay, bye.
[door clanks shut]
[thuds]
♪
[scratches from the walls]
Carter!
The rats are in the walls again!
-[scratching] -[smacking]
[scratching continues]
♪
[scratching noises]
No, no, no.
Stop being creepy.
[scratching]
[roaring]
[elephant trumpets]
-[engine idles] -[breaks squeaking]
[Miles] The map says we should go on foot from here.
And I have a feeling this is where we're going to run into her again, Kip.
The great hunter, prowls the savannah, stalking his prey,
biding his time, creeping up on his target.
Slowly, but methodically.
Kip.
Sorry. Just setting the mood.
And I'm not stalking anyone. Okay?
Okay, okay.
Gotcha.
Good.
[African tribal music]
The lonely male prowls the grasslands looking for a mate.
Animal urges raging.
Ready to pounce, but only if it's consensual with his prey.
What?
[British accent] Adventurer Miles!
'Tis I Detective Carter!
A pleasure to see you, old chap.
Looking for that girl with whom you broke the ice I take it?
I just want to make sure she's okay.
Don't buy it.
Not stalking, wink, wink.
Well, don't fret, sweat, or lose hope, my pet!
I, Detective Carter, will help you find her.
How are you going to do that?
Elementary, my dear Van Winkle!
We shall consult the great well of knowledge.
The basin of information about everyone.
The Face-Brook.
I'm sorry.
Did you just say the face...brook?
I am the mighty Face-Brook!
I am the place for babbling, streaming and catfishing.
All gaze upon me for I control
your self worth!
♪
Hello, Mr. Face-Brook.
My name is Miles...
I know who you are Miles Puck from Media, Pennsylvania!
My knowledge is vast and invasive.
You are a single male and you have been single for three years!
I don't know if we need to bring that up.
Your Aunt Joanne wants you to know
she is very proud of you!
Ummm. Thanks.
She also hates black people!
Okay, we're getting really off topic here!
Oh, mighty Face-Brook, we're looking for a woman by the name of Ren Helena.
Is this the person you seek?
Yeah, that's her!
Would you like to see her in a bikini?
What? No!
Oh, come on, you creepy stalker.
-You know, you want to! -I don't...
I see you peeking!
You know what? This is weird.
Wait, I have an urgent message for you.
Okay? What is it?
Dudes you never hung out with from high school started a band.
Do you want to follow them?
No.
Oh, so you only stalk pretty girls in bikinis?
I see how it is.
That's it! Forget this.
Everyone from your hometown is getting married except for you!
Why did I even go to the Face-book?
All it did was make me upset.
I think that's secretly why people like it.
Heard you were creeping on Ren, you creep!
All right, now, who are you?
I'm Leo, and she's so lucky to have me always by her side.
You're not by your side right now.
Shut up, bear!
Guys, get in here!
[growling]
Who are all of you?
This is my pride.
Oh, good.
He is just the sassy, gay best friend.
Wrong there, bud.
[Face-brook] Kick his ass, Leo!
Everyone, get these creeps!
-[growling] -[Miles] Ah!
[gasps with heavy panting]
[phone buzzing]
[sighs]
[chuckles]
[Miles] So, Vanya, last time we spoke, we talked about looking at other websites
to, you know, get us started in that direction.
Yes, I didn't do that. [chuckles]
I want our website to be new, daring and different.
Yeah, no, I totally understand that.
But actually, I can bring up a couple of my old projects
and we can pick and choose elements from those.
You know what I want to do?
I want to use those funny pictures, those little...
You mean memes?
Yes, memes!
I want to use the memes!
Teenagers love memes.
I mean, I can build you a meme section...
No, I want the home page.
I want to reel them in.
Okay, you know I have so many that I've saved.
Let me just...
Miles, do we have a new mutual friend?
Did you say something?
Nah, I'm just... just looking at the code.
[Vanya] Okay, well, this one might be a little too non-PC,
[Vanya laughs]
so I'm not going to share this one.
Okay, this one's good.
[Carter whispering] I don't trust you.
[Vanya] This one's good.
This one is too sexual for this.
For the website.
I realize that. I can tell.
[slams]
This one maybe not sexy enough.
This one's not sexy enough for the website.
[whispers] Message her!
Okay. I sent you one that's really good.
Did you get it?
Hilarious, Vanya.
Yeah, I know. It looks terrible, Dave, but, you know, I can't go against
what the client asked for, and I guess what the client asked for is gaudy.
♪
Papyrus.
I didn't choose it, Dave!
Okay. Yeah. No, I'll change it.
I'll work on it tonight.
And this weekend. Yes.
Okay. Bye.
God, you're a dick.
Not that I had anything else to do tonight.
♪
I got to work.
Really need to focus.
Screw it.
[ding]
Hey there, Princess Vader.
How's sleeping with your new facial accessory?
Wow, that was so dumb.
Yeah. Good job, Miles.
Bring up her medical condition.
Smooth like sandpaper.
[ding]
[chair rattles]
Supposedly, I'm going to get used to it, but for now,
it kind of feels like an octopus giving me CPR all night.
[ding]
Honestly, they make the best lifeguards.
[ding]
Unless you're allergic to seafood.
[ding]
True.
But that could be a plus if you were trying to kill yourself by drowning.
That was weird to say.
That was weird and dark.
[ding]
If that's your criteria for good lifeguards,
then you should really look into these creatures called "sharks".
[ding]
Oh, do tell me more about these "sharks."
They sound like great babysitters for my troop of baby seals.
-[clock ticking] -[ding]
Oh, definitely.
They always show up with a smile,
and they have a lot of experience with schools of fish.
-[ding] -Well, that's good.
My last babysitter was a killer whale and that did not work out.
-[clock ticking] -[ding]
If only there were some indication in the name to warn you of what they're capable of.
-[clock ticking]
[ding]
HAHAHA
In my defense, his resume only said K Whale,
so I assumed his name was Kevin.
-[clock ticking] -[ding]
Hey, sorry for the delays.
My social media notifications aren't showing up for some reason.
But yeah, I totally get that.
Every whale I've ever known has been named Kevin.
[clock ticking]
[ding]
Oh, you just want to text some time?
My number is BEEEEEEP.
[ding]
Yeah, actually, that'd be easier.
My number is BEEEEEP.
That didn't go too poorly.
A little more nautical than I was expecting, but...
not too bad at all.
All right, back to work.
Hey, Vanya, I just got your email about not being happy with the new changes.
You want it to be more red.
And green?
Like Christmas?
No, it's not a seasonal thing, Dave.
They're just like her favorite colors.
Yeah. No, I can change it.
You wanted to play Gangnam Style as soon as you enter the site.
I'm sorry, Dave.
I didn't know you felt that strongly about K-Pop.
Oh, no, I didn't know you made your own music.
She calls it country jazz, Dave.
[phone buzzes]
[Miles groans]
[phone buzzes]
[message pops] Found your new babysitter.
His name's Bruce, not Kevin.
[message pops]
Finally, some good news.
I needed that.
The last few days have been terrible.
[message pops]
Oh no. What happened?
Just work stuff.
The client has her taste buds in her feet
and my boss doesn't want the company's reputation to be tarnished with her vision.
So, I just can't win.
[message pops] I build websites, by the way, just for context.
[message pops]
That sucks.
Bosses and clients suck.
[message pops] You are preaching to the choir, but sorry for bitching.
How was your day?
[message pops]
Hey, never apologize for bitching.
It's a pastime in my family.
[message pops]
My day was good up until my dryer died with all my
laundry in it while I was in the shower.
So now I don't have a towel and I'm walking around naked trying to air dry.
[spits]
[message pops]
Yeah...
Dryers suck.
[message pops]
Seems super late to be showering though.
[message pops]
Oh, I always shower at night.
If you take a really hot shower then go into a cool room, it helps you fall asleep.
As a fellow bad sleeper, I highly recommend it.
[message pops]
I'll have to try it out another time.
Unfortunately, I have a lot of work to do tonight, so eh.
[message pops]
Then get back at it, Miles. No rest for you.
Go build that awful website.
Your support is all I needed to get through this, Ren.
Now, I got this.
Yeah, I got this.
Kind of...
[computer beeping noises]
♪
[water bubbling]
♪
[Kip] Captain Puck.
We have a visual on the target sub.
Communication lines are up.
[Miles] Fantastic news, first mate. Kip!
Now we can find out if she's 20,000 seas out of your league.
[Miles] Just keep steering, second mate Kip.
[Kip] Yeah, that's fair.
[Mores Code beeping]
[explosion]
She's using messaging torpedoes!
Kip, ready a response!
Readying a reply, Captain!
[explosion]
Well done, Kip!
End with a question to keep the dialog going.
[explosion]
She's naked?
This is not a drill, people!
She's naked!
If we play this right, we might see boobies!
[Slap]
Simmer down, Van Winkle!
We just started talking.
We need to play it cool.
Okay. Gotcha.
Hold the dick pic!
We're playing it cool!
[crowd] Awww!
[clang]
[explosion]
♪
She's not responding, Captain.
Oh, man, we didn't give her anywhere to go!
We need to double torpedo!
Double torpedo?
But that's not playing it cool!
There's no time to argue, Kip!
The longer we wait, the worse it'll be.
Just send something out there!
[explosion]
Oh, no!
We went way too far with that torpedo!
She's totally going to be mad at us!
I'm sorry!
I got caught up in the moment.
It's okay, Kip.
We were excited.
Now the only thing we can do is wait.
[water bubbling]
[Kip] We [beep] up.
Wait! She's loading another torpedo!
You're right!
I see it being loaded.
Finally.
[explosion]
[chomping clank]
Holy crap!
It's a shark!
Kip, get us out of here!
[beeping]
He's right on our tail!
We need to go faster!
I'm giving her all she's got, Captain!
This is not good!
Oh, no!
We have a problem up ahead, Captain!
What?
[Kip] Baby seals!
We don't have time for this!
Kip, launch the torpedoes!
[clanking jaws chomping]
[explosions]
[Kip] Out of the way, Kevin!
Sorry...
[clanking jaws chomping]
[Kip] Captain, it's a dead end!
[Ren] Do a loop for me.
[Miles] Excuse me?
[Ren] Do a loop or else I'll eat you.
[Miles] Okay. We'll do a loop!
[beeping]
No!
Don't do a loop.
Flip. Flip or else I'll eat you.
Yeah, we'll flip.
[beeping]
Don't flip. Loop.
Don't loop. Flip.
No! Loop!
No! Flip!
I don't know what we're supposed to do.
Wait. I think I have an idea.
[beeping]
[both] No!
That didn't work at all!
Now, neither is happy!
What do we do, Captain?
I don't know. I...
I just don't know.
If I do anything, I'm in trouble...
[Morse code beeping]
Can I do nothing?
I just...
I want to do nothing...
Just nothing...
[bell gongs]
[eerie music]
[growls]
Get to work!
[clattering]
[heavy panting]
Oh, shit!
[door opens]
[keyboard clicking]
Dude dude dude dude. Come on.
My laptop is going to be in the shop all day.
I mean, don't have all the programs and assets I need,
but I think I can fake enough of it to make it seem like I'm still working to my boss.
Or you could tell him you don't have a computer.
He will fire me. No question about that.
He fired the guy who couldn't get the job done the weekend his mom died.
And his mom was like straight up murdered.
Maybe instead of pretending to work during this forced time off,
you could use it to ask out the girl you've been texting.
How?
I spent all my money on the sleep study and fixing my laptop.
Uhh, invite her to a movie. Here.
She'll just think I'm trying to make a move.
Oh, how terrible!
The girl you wanna make a move on thinks you wanna make a move on her!
[chuckles]
You're not going to get anywhere with that attitude, man. For real.
And look,
if she shows up with a CPAP machine,
you know she's totally down.
[door closes]
[message pops]
Hey,
I promise not to make a move on you,
but if you're free tonight...
Hey, your roommate said to find you here.
Yeah, this is kind of like my office.
Please come in.
Weirdly, I think I got a random friend request from him, like, two days ago.
Oh, that's super weird.
I don't know anything about that.
But I set up the projector, made some popcorn to prepare...
the perfect movie night.
[eerie music]
You aren't going to murder me, right?
Wasn't planning on it.
Good. Because I told my friends where I am and they expect me to check in.
Wait. Really?
Yes, really.
We've only just texted and we met because you hallucinated demons.
You could very well be a serial killer for all I know.
And a lot of this stuff is really creepy.
That is a solid point.
All right. Fine. Movie can wait.
Let's get to know each other.
So what do you want to know?
How and why did you accumulate all this junk?
Ah, that would be my uncle, Carter's stepdad.
He was a weird dude and an insane alcoholic.
Died about a year ago.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Ah, don't be.
He died doing what he loved.
Absolutely ruining Thanksgiving.
-[chuckles] -But,
you know, he left Carter this house
and Carter is letting me stay here as I, you know,
try and get my life together.
Save some money and stuff.
As for the junk...
we don't know what's in half of these boxes.
And at this point, we're kinda too afraid to check.
So your housing could be gone as soon as this place sells?
Ah, yes, indeedy.
But my turn for a question. Okay.
What is your current job and goal future job?
Two parter.
Currently, I'm working as an assistant at a fancy schmancy salon and spa.
Cool.
I clean up pubes and toenails.
Ew.
But I am training to be a masseuse,
so I'll be able to rub down rich old ladies
while they complain about dealing with the help.
Oh, and don't get them started on planning vacations.
What a chore.
Oh, I totally feel for them.
Okay, next question.
Why do you see monsters sometimes?
I don't know if we need to get into all of that.
Really?
Because I'm super interested in what causes that to happen.
Okay, um,
let's just say sometimes I think about things too much and it messes with my sleep.
Things like murder?
Nah small things.
Give me one example.
Okay. Driving.
Driving?
Yeah. I don't know why. I just can't stand driving.
Sometimes when I know I need to drive somewhere,
I just can't stop worrying about getting into an accident.
So I avoid it almost any time I can.
As someone who personally loves to drive, that does seem really weird.
It's weird to me, too.
Okay. What else?
Oh, no, no, no.
You said one example. One.
And I usually like to keep this stuff buried deep deep down like a big boy.
Oh, well, that doesn't seem healthy,
but I think you have proven to me that you aren't a serial killer. So...
you've earned a date night.
And I could drive us to our next date...
If there is one.
[broom falls behind them]
What was that?
Probably just the rats. Ignore em.
Calling it now. That dude's going to die.
Her boobs...
Totally fake.
This is a trick shot. Okay.
You sure?
Hundred percent.
Oh, my God. Absolutely terrible.
Blind people would've looked away from that train wreck.
I'm sorry. This is a family friendly sport. Please no smack talk.
Look, I'm not, like, knocking her knockers, but, like, I'm just pointing it out.
Like a fun fact.
Boom. Totally called it.
Yeah. Yeah. You're the oracle of death. Calm down.
A fun fact?
Doesn't get funner than that.
Oh, and you're so much better. You're amazing.
One more. Let me just do it.
Oh, suck it.
You cheated.
I saw it. You cheated.
No I didn't! Your eyes were closed. How could you know?
Make a move.
What?
Make. A. Move.
But I promised.
Are you sure?
Break the promise.
Make a damn move.
Okay.
I'm going to make a move now.
Good.
Waiting on the move.
[movie plays] I can't stop myself.
[growling]
Nah Dave, I have no idea why you didn't get the project.
Maybe something got screwed up in the email.
Yeah, of course.
I could send it to you again.
I can't do it right now, though.
I'm away from my computer.
Yeah, I'm just going to be out and about all day.
Yeah, I know it's super unprofessional of me.
No, but I can send it to you tonight and we can go over it tomorrow morning.
Yeah. Sorry again, Dave. Cool. Yeah.
Talk to you later. Bye.
[door slams]
So...?
No. Dude, dude, dude.
I got to save my job somehow.
I wanted the details about last night, though.
I really got to focus on work right now, man.
That's adorable. I love how hard you work.
How did it go?
It went really well.
Did you kiss?
I am not answering that.
All of her friends know everything by now.
Answer my question.
Yeah.
You kissed?
Yeah, we kissed.
Did you use tongues?
Tongues were involved.
[giddily laughs]
Did you touch her butt?
All right, dude, out!
Okay. Okay.
I'll see you later, you dirty butt toucher.
[door closes]
I did touch her butt...
All right.
Time to work.
♪
[exhales sharply]
[slide whistle]
Back!
I am procrastinating.
[horn blows]
Miles calls for aid!
[horn blows]
No, I was just goofing around with the junk.
I thought you called for aid.
No, it was a bit.
A bit?
I thought you were in trouble.
I'm sorry.
[crinkling noise]
[burp]
♪
[phone buzzes]
[buzzing continues]
Hello?
Hey, Miles.
Umm, it's Ren.
Hey, Ren.
You okay?
Yeah. No. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm...
sorry I called.
No need to be sorry.
But, no offense, you do not sound okay.
Something happen?
Yeah...
No, no no... um, no...
God, we've only had one date and I'm calling you up crying like I'm insane.
You were just really nice to me the other night,
and I didn't know who else to call. So, umm...
I'm sorry...
Stop saying you're sorry!
It's all good!
I'm down to talk if you need to talk.
You know what, this was a bad idea.
I'll call you tomorrow when I compose myself. Okay?
[phone beeps]
Ren. Ren?
Shit...
[sighs]
Shit.
Shit. Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
♪
[exhales sharply]
-[phone rings] -[message beep]
[Ren's voicemail] Hi. You've reached Ren's voicemail but you haven't reached me.
Leave a.. .[beep]
[exhales]
♪
You didn't have to come.
I know that.
But you wouldn't have sent me your address if you wanted to be alone. So...
Ta-da!
I don't really want to talk about it.
And you don't have to.
We can just sit and watch cartoons.
I brought S'mores Pop-Tarts.
And you can tell me to leave at any point.
But until then, I'm here.
With Pop-Tarts.
As I said before.
[sighs]
[cartoons play on TV]
Hey.
Did you drive here?
Yeah.
♪
It's going to be okay.
[Ren snores]
[cartoons continue to play on TV]
♪
[Ren's snores suddenly stop]
[Ren's snores resume]
[Ren's snores suddenly stop]
[phone buzzes]
Hey, Dave.
Yeah, I saw that the thing didn't go through again.
I'm going to send it over to you again now.
And we can go over every...
Yeah. No, no, I know I...
Dude, technology, right?
But the client has complained at all so we're still in good shape.
No, no, no. I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah. No, I understand.
Come on, Dave.
This is like the first time I haven't delivered on your schedule.
Dave. Dave, you can't be serious. Are you...
Dave!
Dave? Dave?
[sighs]
[shuffling noises]
[crash]
Read the room, rats!
[beep]
Hi. You've reached the voicemail of Miles Puck.
Hope you have a great grand and amazing day.
Or not...
It's really up to you.
[beep]
[Ren] Hey, I'm calling you and I'm not crying.
That's progress.
But I actually wanted to call you to say thank you for everything.
If you were still here this morning, I was going to make you breakfast.
And not Pop-Tarts.
I figured we'd have enough of those. And popcorn.
Starting to where you only eat things with the word "pop" in them.
That was a joke.
You were really sweet, though.
I still owe you breakfast sometime, so call me back.
[Miles] That storm's getting closer.
We better keep moving.
From the looks of it, it's only getting bigger.
[Fart Thunder Clap]
And from the sounds of it, it's going to be a real shit storm.
Wait.
I think I see someone caught in it.
[eerie music]
[Thunder]
Hey, that's Ren.
She's just standing in the storm.
Maybe.
And hear me out on this.
We should stop running from it and just face it head on.
Ren seems to have plenty of room under that umbrella.
She's probably just saving that room for "Leo".
Come on.
I want to avoid this storm as much as possible.
[footsteps walking off]
Hey, I see a house up ahead, Kip.
We can avoid the storm in there.
[Thunder]
Excuse me, sir.
Is this your house?
Oh, no.
This house belongs to the dark and terrifying things
that linger in the fears of all.
So...
Is it cool if we go inside?
There's this storm and I...
What is your biggest fear?
My biggest fear?
I don't know.
Yes, you do.
What is it you fear the most?
I guess I fear being a loser.
Someone who just fails at everything.
Someone no one wants to be around or with.
Becoming sad and alone as the years go by.
That. That's not in the house, is it?
Well, no.
That's a little too metaphysical to put in a house.
I was really hoping you'd say something like "spiders."
What about you?
What is your biggest fear?
Trout.
You mean like the fish?
Yeah.
But you're a bear.
I didn't make fun of your thing.
Sorry.
Okay. There isn't any trout in there either.
But it's still full of really bad stuff!
You know what?
If it doesn't have failure or trout in there, I think we'll take our chances.
Come on, Kip.
By avoiding the storm, you'll only be putting yourself through more torment.
Are you sure, Miles?
Yeah.
I don't think there's anything in here
that could scare me more than facing that storm.
[Thunder]
The safe word is "catharsis."
[Door slams shut]
[Miles] See? This isn't so bad.
[Kip] Catharsis.
[Music Starts]
♪
♪ I hear something rustling ♪
♪ Under the bed ♪
♪ I pull up the covers ♪
♪ Up over my head ♪
♪ I walk with a trepidation ♪
♪ Into the dark ♪
♪ I see myself in the mirror ♪
♪ I scare myself ♪
♪ Just let the walls before you ♪
♪ Fall away ♪
♪ Let the walls before you fall ♪
♪ Just let the chains that bind you ♪
♪ Fall away ♪
♪ Let the chains That bind you fall ♪
♪ Oh, please don't Mess with my psyche ♪
♪ This isn't a drill ♪
♪ I know that nobody likes me, ♪
♪ And they never will ♪
♪ Just let the walls before you ♪
♪ Fall away ♪
♪ Let the walls before you fall ♪
♪ Just let the chains That bind you ♪
♪ Fall away ♪
♪ Let the chains That bind you fall ♪
♪ Let the walls before you ♪
♪ Fall away ♪
♪ Let the walls before you fall ♪
♪ Let the chains that bind you ♪
♪ Fall away ♪
♪ Let the chains That bind you fall ♪
All right, Kip.
I think we got away.
See, I told you.
Not so bad.
Kip.
Kip?
[demon] Mr. Van Winkle isn't here anymore.
Where is he?
[demon] Doesn't matter.
What matters is you are all alone.
Kip!
Kip! Kip!
[demon] What's wrong?
Don't you like being alone with your thoughts?
If you must know...
No. No, I don't.
Okay.
I don't like being alone with my own thoughts.
Happy? Are you happy now?
[demon] I warned you about closing yourself off in here.
Okay, fine.
You win. I'll say the safe word.
Catharsis.
[demon] That's not how the safe word works.
What?
What do you mean that's not how the safe word works?
[demon] You said it, but I don't think you mean it.
That is a terrible precedent to set for a safe word!
I said it.
That means I am done! Catharsis!
[demon] Hollow words bring safety to no one.
What are you, some kind of fortune cookie now?
Don't you dare leave here alone!
Catharsis.
Catharsis. Catharsis.
Catharsis!
Catharsis! Catharsis!
Catharsis!
Catharsis...
Wake up, man.
You were talking in your sleep again.
I was?
Yeah. And I was clearly doing you a favor waking you up.
I thought the sleep thingy was supposed to cure you.
It's slightly more complicated than that.
Ugh.
Then I don't want to hear it.
That dream even had a song.
It went.
"Just let the walls...
Don't let the walls..." Shit, I'm losing it.
Have you seen my dream journal?
Think it's over there.
Whoa.
Since when did you start working out this early?
Since you started dating someone and making me feel super single.
When I'm done here, I'm going to be the Greek god of bitchin abs.
[grunts]
Well, you don't have to work yourself too hard.
I might just be the emotional support side piece after all.
Oh, look, I have a missed voicemail from Ren.
It's probably her telling me that
while she had a very nice night with me the other night,
her boyfriend, Leo, is back in town, so...
peace out Girl Scout.
What is with you and this negativity?
It's probably something nice.
[Ren's voicemail plays]
Yeah...
Yeah, you're right...
Of course I'm right, man. I'm always right.
When are people going to realize
that I am amazing at vicariously running their lives?
No offense, dude, but you're hardly that high up on the totem pole of life yourself.
Miles.
When it comes to life...
I... am a power bottom.
[grunts]
Why am I like this?
I let one little thing spiral into the absolute worst case scenario in my mind.
Make myself a complete nut.
I really wish I didn't feel like this all the time.
[weights clanks] What?
Did you say something to me?
No, nothing. Forget it.
Really?
Yeah, forget it. It was nothing.
'Cause I put in my headphones, like, right before you started talking.
It's cool. We can drop it.
Okay.
Well, maybe your boss will yell at you today.
That usually cheers you up, right?
I already got fired.
Oh, good on you taking the initiative!
And you know what?
Not going to let myself freak out about that.
[clicks tongue]
Or my lack of health insurance.
Or the fact I still have to pay off my student loans.
Or...
Good start there, bucko.
You're right.
Good vibes only.
Only good vibes.
[Computer dings]
Maybe that's Ren sending good vibes now.
[sighs]
No. It says it's a message from someone I'm not friends with.
[ding]
Hey, bro.
Heard you been hanging around with Ren.
Just want to let you know that she's going through something weird right now,
but as soon as she's done with that, she's going to be back with me.
So how about you back off?
So, Leo is Ren's crazy ex-boyfriend.
Great grand and freakin amazing! Yes!
Yes, sir.
That is the best message I could have received.
Huge load off my mind.
Thank God.
Oh, he's typing.
[dings]
I can see you reading my messages.
Just to be clear, I'm not asking. Okay?
Stay away from Ren.
Wow, this dude is losing it.
I probably shouldn't message him, right? Like he's emotional.
Going through some stuff. Let him be.
Mmm...
Right.
Handle this head on.
[dings]
Oh, hey, Leo. It's nice to meet you.
I'm sorry to hear you haven't been doing well since you and Ren broke up.
Like, I know it can be hard, but,
dude, you can't be sending messages like this to everyone she meets.
It's not healthy to you, her or like anyone.
[dings]
You think I give a crap about what's healthy?
I don't.
In fact, I give so little of a crap that you owe me a crap.
You owe me a crap?
I owe you a crap?
All right, man.
Now you're just being ignorant to Ren's feelings.
-[dings] -Me? Ignorant?
I don't even know the meaning of the word. All right?
But you're going to know the meaning of the word "ouch" if you keep testing me.
Are you threatening me?
Not just me, bro.
My whole family too.
You even know who my uncle is?
No...
Well.
How 'bout you watch Goodfellas. Scarface. The Godfather.
Then you'll know who he is.
Is he like an actor?
No.
He's the real deal.
So why don't you stay away from Ren.
Or else.
Well, that was unexpected.
[sniffs]
Did he just say he was going to put a mob hit on me?
Yeah, I think he did.
Either way, man.
Good vibes.
[chair clacking]
[sighs]
[cardboard rubbing]
Oh, you have a ton of fun murder weapons.
Really is a shame you aren't a serial killer.
[metal clanking]
Or mafioso...
What?
What? Nothing.
I'm serious, though.
You guys should really sort through some of the stuff.
Some of it's really cool.
I mean, like, you've got a hand drill.
A very cute stuffed animal.
Two and only two kitchen knives.
And an old school voice recorder.
[sighs]
Now, this brings back an extremely embarrassing story.
Oooo, do tell?
No.
Oh, no, no, no. You can't do that. Okay?
You can't bring it up and not tell the story.
Come on, out it.
Okay, fine.
But I will preface the story by saying I was not a loser in high school.
Oh, so it's that kind of story.
Wait, wait.
[bench creaking]
Your audience is listening.
Please continue.
Okay, so it was prom season and all the dudes were, like, doing these promposal things.
Except they were extremely lame, like
holding up a sign or getting the teachers to write it on their test scores.
Having a teacher ask for you does sound pretty lame.
-Right? -Yeah.
So I decided, being the strong, independent woman who don't need no man
but would very much like one that I am, I was going to do my own promposal.
I was going to bring the damn pizzazz.
So what's the plan?
Here.
Let's role play it.
Okay, so
pretend you're a high school boy in homeroom and I'm me, but dressed in a suit and tie.
[door opening]
♪
[recorder clacking]
That's it. That's all I did.
And then when he passes play, the recorder says, "Hello, high school Miles.
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to take Ren to prom."
[recorder clacking]
Now that's pizzazz!
I know!
The entire school was talking about it!
But the problem was...
that bastard said, "No."
Wait really?
I was humiliated.
I had to walk around school the entire day dressed like a secret agent.
But I was not defeated.
A couple of weeks later, this guy from my math class broke up with his girlfriend.
The perfect mark.
Oh, so this isn't even over?
Oh, no, not even close.
So I draw up a pirate map of our math class, and I left it on the dude's desk.
He unrolls it and on it has an X to mark his booty.
He follows the map to a closet.
He opens it and then out pops...
me dressed like a pirate!
Me. I was the booty.
And where did you get a pirate outfit?
I was in the drama club.
Are you sure you weren't a loser in high school?
[sarcastically laughs]
[rasberry]
I'll have you know, Miles Puck, that I made a very hot pirate.
Duly noted.
Anyway, you know what this guy tells me?
He already bought tickets to some concert, and he didn't want to miss it.
[sighs]
At that point, I was ready to die.
Ready to walk the plank.
So...
[hands clap]
you ever make it to prom?
My gay friend asked me to go with him.
And do you know how he asked me?
With a goddamn sign.
And it all comes full circle.
I mean, you know, I would have said yes.
I sure as hell hope so.
[inhales deeply]
You know, if I was a psychiatrist,
I would blame all of my past dumb relationships on this prom thing.
Fear of rejection or some shit.
Always good to have something to blame.
Hey, about the other night.
I usually don't get that worked up, by the way.
My ex called.
I was telling my friends about you, and I guess someone told him about it
and he decided to call me up and yell at me.
So...
You were telling your friends about me?
That's your take away?
Sorry.
I kinda knew the other part because he
kinda sorta sent me a threatening message over Face-Brook...
Book.
Gotta be kidding me.
Hey, hey, don't. No worries.
He doesn't know me well enough to make me cry.
But I'm extremely sorry he can do that to you.
Just do me a favor and don't respond.
Yeah. Responding...
Responding would be stupid.
Okay, cool. So just ignore him.
Yeah. Great plan.
Totally my plan.
Awesome plan.
Umm.
Hey, one last, quick thing, though:
He's not affiliated with the Mafia or anything, right?
What?
Like, he's never joked, like, "Ah, my uncle's in the Mafia!" Or...
anything like that.
I don't even think he's Italian.
They're not Italian mobs.
Is the mafia even still a thing?
I like to safely assume they're always just kind of around.
I mean, I haven't heard any mafia related news...
Please just answer the question, Ren!
[swooshing]
[Miles] Oh, hey, Ren.
So, as you know, probably, the prom's tonight
and you and I have been dating for a while.
Not to put labels on this.
I mean, unless you want to put a label on this.
I mean, I'm fine with whatever you want, but...
We have been hanging out a lot lately.
And I know it's silly to... proms and all that...
but I was thinking
maybe you and I could go together and that would be a lot of fun.
We could have fun.
Okay, that was bad.
♪
Oh, hey, Ren!
-[car approaching] -Whoa...
[tires skidding out]
-[thuds] -Uh.
I don't think we're going to make it to the prom.
Which sucks because now I feel like I've been wearing this stupid bow tie
this whole time for nothing!
It's a pleasure to meet you, Miles.
Glad you could join us for our peaceful nighttime ride.
Um... Hello.
May I ask who you are?
I'm Uncle Tony.
Not to you, but to my nephew, Leo.
Dammit, Ren, you are not very observant.
My friends call me Tony-Whack-a-Bitch.
And this is my associate, Bobby Two Knives.
Nice to meet you, Bobby Two Knives.
Don't talk to Bobby Two Knives!
He doesn't like meeting new people.
And he used to be Bobby Three Knives if you catch my drift.
[growl]
[gulp]
Where are you taking us?
Don't worry!
We'll get there right after we drop off Charlie The Snitch.
[trunk thudding]
Time to drop you off, Charlie The Snitch.
[footsteps]
Wait.
He's an organ donor.
[dumpster clanking]
Okay, now we can go to the graveyard.
[both] The graveyard?
♪
[dirt sifting]
What are we doing? Kip, this is pointless!
No, no, no.
If you do a good enough job digging your own grave, we'll totally let you live.
[giggles]
[gun shot sounds]
[phone beeps] Hello?
Oh, hey, nephew Leo.
Yeah, I'm just finishing things up with Bobby Two Knives and Miles "Buried Alive."
Wait! That's my gangster name?
Yeah, nephew.
I'll finish up here and then I'll meet you for Sunday dinner.
-[phone beeps] -[engine starts]
Kip! They're burying me alive!
What?
Who could have seen this coming?
Don't worry, Miles! I'll save you!
Ah! [thuds]
Miles! I was stabbed by Bobby One Knife!
[dirt sifting]
No, no!
[grunts] [panting]
He doesn't have ties to the Mafia.
It's insane to believe that he does.
[demon voice] But what if he does?
He doesn't.
[demon voice] If he does, they'll never find your body.
You're insane.
[demon voice] Agreed. You're insane.
Ren would have known about it.
[demon voice] She doesn't know you're a nut ball stresses out over everything!
She doesn't need to know.
[demon voice] Well, she's going to find out.
And then she's going to think you're completely neurotic and won't want to be with you!
You're the one who thinks Leo has ties to the mob.
[demon voice] I'm not the one talking to myself!
I mean... no, you are.
[demon voice] I guess you're right about that.
I should really stop talking to myself.
[demon voice] Agreed. It's not a good look.
Okay. Talk to you later.
[demon voice] Unless the mob gets you first!
Wow! I am tired and losing it!
Just losing it.
[swooshing]
[squeaking]
[swooshing]
[chair creaks]
[keyboard clicking]
This is a terrible resume.
[phone buzzes]
♪
[camera sound]
[Ren] I swear. I'm usually much better at this.
I mean, we could still eat it, right?
I only want you to find out.
No, I was kidding. Don't do it.
No, no, no. A dare's a dare.
No one dared you.
Oh, tasty?
I dare you to spit it out.
Thank God.
[spitting]
It's like charcoal.
All right, I need to get the taste out of my mouth.
Oh, jeez. Do you even eat anything?
Well, I think I need to go to the store.
I might have some bacon.
This isn't bacon.
This is turkey bacon.
Yeah, I only ever get turkey bacon.
I have some ground turkey too.
Is this like a health thing? Or...
No, it's less of a health thing and more of a hatred for turkeys.
I'm sorry. What?
I don't know.
I've always thought pigs were cute and smart,
and I've seen a ton of cute videos of cows online so...
turkeys can go screw themselves.
All right, I'll make turkey burgers.
Great.
[sizzling]
[Miles] All right, now, this one.
Nope. Not cute.
You have got to be--
That is the cutest damn turkey ever.
And yet still not cute enough.
Obama pardoned this turkey.
And he should have let it die.
How we feeling about this show?
I've seen this one already, but it's good we can watch it.
This is a weird thing!
This is the weirdest thing I've learned about you.
How is this weird? So what? It's a turkey!
No, no, no. The point is, we're supposed to watch something together.
I don't want to see something you've already seen.
And they're so loud and annoying for no reason.
Most people are just indifferent.
I mean, I've seen it...
No, no. It's like a cute couple thing.
It's like, Oh, we watch it together and it's something we look forward to.
I can watch you watch it.
Oh, I don't want you to watch me watch it!
That's entertaining for me!
No, that's going to spoil it for me!
I won't say anything!
No, your body language will.
Okay, fine.
[show plays on tv]
Okay.
I like this guy.
He doesn't die, right?
I'm not going to tell you.
You just need to watch it.
I'm going to be very upset if he dies.
Just watch it.
I'm not gonna spoil anything.
Just watch.
[sniffs]
This is nice.
Yeah, I'm enjoying this.
[male voice] Ren!
-Were you expecting someone? -[male voice] Ren!
No.
Ren!
Oh, God, no.
Come on! I know you're home. I saw your car. Ren!
Ren!
[shushing]
You're here, too.
Ah. Now I can really get things done.
Okay. What are you doing here, Leo?
I'm here for closure and revenge.
Revenge for what?
Revenge for breaking my heart and revenge for stealing my girl.
That revenge is for him, not for you.
Just go home, Leo.
I really think you should go home, buddy.
I am not your buddy.
And if I was your buddy, you broke the buddy code,
so I would have to fight you for that anyway.
I don't want to fight you, Leo!
Come on, one quick fight
and then I'll leave you guys alone.
I promise.
[sighs]
Even if I lose?
It's for revenge.
It's, like, preferred that you lose.
All right, fine.
What? No!
I don't want him hanging over our heads anymore.
I'd rather get beat up and have to think about them later.
That's the spirit! Come on!
[Ren] This is so stupid...
[sighs]
Shirts off.
Those are the rules.
You didn't have to throw it to her, bro.
That's like rubbing it in.
Can we just get this over with?
Okay.
Woo!
Oh, okay. Yeah. [claps hands]
Good fight, good fight.
No bad fight, bad fight! [clapping hands]
Dude, come on. Don't give up.
What do you see in this guy? Honestly?
Just go away, Leo!
She didn't answer the question, bro.
That has gotta sting more than the punch did.
Oh, you are going to regret that.
What? You gonna send the Mafia after me?
[mouths] The Mafia?...
Did you fall for that?
No...
You totally did!
Joke's on you, bro!
I haven't even seen Scarface.
Oh!
Can the fight be over now?
What? You scared of a little fight?
Neither of us is enjoying this!
Life is about fighting!
All right, life is like a game show.
It's called "Fight for What's Yours".
I'm the host.
Alright. Ren is the studio audience...
And Ren is also the prize.
And you? You're at home, bro.
You're at home on your couch watching us.
I'll be honest, I don't really follow that metaphor, man.
You're pathetic.
Okay?
She's gonna leave you the same way she left me.
And do you know why that is?
It's because you're a loser and I'm awesome.
How much money do you make a year?
I'm actually inbetween jobs at the moment.
What?
I was going to flex my salary on you, but just having one is enough of a flex!
Ooof!
[coughs]
How big is your apartment, huh?
I actually am currently staying at my dead step uncle's place
as my cousin tries to sell it.
Jesus. He's a squatter!
Mmmm! [punch thudding]
Leo, stop it!
Mm hmm. Mm.
I drive a Tesla. All right, man.
Please let me one up you with that.
I mean, I don't really like driving, so I don't care about cars.
What?
You don't like driving?
What are you, a woman?
No.
You deserve a punch. You're getting a slap.
Leo! Stop it! [grunts]
Stop it or I'm calling the police!
Okay. I'm done. I'm done.
You look like a real weenie bo-beanie in front of your girl,
so thanks for the revenge, bro!
You're dating a loser, Ren!
A loser!
[grunts]
It drives itself.
I think...
I know, Elon. He follows me on Twitter!
[door slams]
[plastic crinkling]
I don't have steak, but I have this.
Is this chicken?
No turkey.
I think you have a problem, Ren.
Okay, well, that's what I've got. So do you want it?
No. Now that I'm looking at it, it's probably just going to give my eye salmonella.
[plastic crinkling]
[sighs]
Do you know what love bombing is?
No, but if it's a thing you're into, I'll try it out at least once.
No, it's...
It's not that kind of thing.
It's when you meet someone and you just start showering them with affection.
You know, compliments, expensive gifts, expensive trips.
That kind of thing.
Can't say I've ever had that happen to me.
Well, I have.
Leo did that.
He bought me everything.
And he call me every night with compliments, and he would take me out just as often.
You know, it made me feel really special.
What a guy that Leo...
No, I mean, the human mind has a really weird reaction to receiving all that stuff.
And I think he knew that.
And before I knew it, things got really serious, really fast.
I'm pretty sure that's what he wanted.
Sounds nice.
I don't think I'm conveying correctly the way he got into my head.
[sighs]
I mean, I feel stupid thinking about it now.
And I obviously dumped him for a reason once I came to my senses.
But I'm bringing all this up because
you didn't do any of that.
You didn't try to love bomb me.
I mean, our first date was in a garage.
And you don't blow up my phone every night with compliments.
And you didn't come here tonight
bearing gifts for no reason. [static noise encroaches]
You're just you.
Just me.
You know, I'm getting pretty tired.
Maybe we should just go to bed.
You know what I'm trying to say, right?
I like you.
No, I hear you.
And I like you, too.
I just.
I'd really just like to go to bed right now.
[CPAP humming]
[breathes deeply]
[static]
[eerie music]
[static]
[male voice] Live from the metaphorical bottle where you shove all your feelings,
it's your judgmental neighbors' favorite game show!
It's time for...
[audience] What The Hell Does She See In Him!!!
[applause]
Hello, everyone!
I'm your host, Leo The Awesome.
I may not have ties to the Mafia, but I do have ties to America's heartstrings.
[audience] Awww!
Now, let's bring out our first contestant.
He doesn't like driving.
He doesn't have his own apartment.
Hell, he doesn't even have a job!
Please welcome Miles, stupid hair, Puck!
-[wheels squeaking] -[fuse burning]
[canon fires]
Uh...
[canon squeaks away]
Ow.
Now that Miles is physically hurt, let's hurt his feelings.
Miles, the world wants to know, "what the hell does Ren see in you?"
[cymbal crashes]
I, I don't know.
None of us do! Hahaha!
You're such a loser!
Do you, like, give her a lot of gifts?
No.
Take her on any cool dates?
We watched a lot of movies together.
Whoa, big spender!
Really spoiling her right here!
Hahaha!
Gobble Gobble Gobble!
Before we get to the bottom of this,
let's send things over to our resident comedian, Kip Van Winkle!
[applause]
Oh, hi, everybody. Okay.
[clears throat]
What's the difference between your great aunt and a turd?
One pinches your cheeks the other your cheeks pinch.
[snare hit]
You get it?
It's a poop joke.
Well, anyway, you got this, Miles.
You're a great guy and Ren is to have you.
[audience] Hahaha!
No, no, that wasn't a joke.
Hahaha!
Please stop laughing.
He's my friend...
And we're back!
Can anyone figure out what the hell Ren sees in Miles?
Is Ren here?
I feel like we could just ask her.
Do you really want to ask Ren why she likes you
despite your lack of a job, lack of a house, or insane phobias?
I mean, I don't think I'd phrase it that way...
Hold that thought!
Hold it right there in your sissy, little girly hands.
It's time to throw it back to our resident comedian, Kip Van Winkle!
Knock, knock.
[audience] Who's there?
Knock, knock.
[audience] Who's there?
Knock, knock.
[male voice] Who's there?
Guy with OCD!
[snare hit]
[chuckles]
But real talk, folks:
We all need to take mental health a little more seriously.
I brought a pamphlet so we can all educate ourselves.
Who wants a pamphlet? Pamphlet?
If you laughed, you have to take a pamphlet.
And that's all the time we have, folks!
Unfortunately, we couldn't figure out what the hell Ren sees in Miles.
I'm nice!
You hear that, folks?
He thinks he deserves a girl just because he's nice!
Booooo!
That's not what I said!
Well, we still don't know how anyone could ever love you.
And when we don't have an answer, you know what that means, folks!
[audience] Put to death!
Wait! Put to death?
What does that mean?
You're a loser.
So we're going to put you and Ren out of your misery.
Bye bye, Miles!
Let's release the love bomb!
[chain squeaking]
Has that been up there this whole time?
Hello?
[buzzing]
Oh, I do not like this.
[chain squeaking]
[bomb whistling]
[explosion]
[bell gongs]
[heartbeat thumping]
[CPAP humming]
[heartbeat thumping]
[eerie music]
[throat noises]
[heartbeat intensifies]
[throat noises continues]
[growls]
[bell gongs]
[demon] You are worthless...
-[gasps] -[CPAP clacking]
Oh, what?
What? What the hell's going on?
Geez that hurt!
I, I'm so sorry.
Are you okay?
What happened? Miles. Miles.
It's okay. Just leave it.
It's okay. What's going on?
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -Miles.
-[Ren] You're scaring...
You're starting to scare me now, Miles.
It's going to be okay. Relax. Miles, relax.
What are you doing?
Miles, just talk to me for a second!
What is going on? Miles? Just talk to me!
Miles!
[door shutting]
[heavy breathing]
[keys opening door]
-[door slams] -[panicked breathing]
[Miles takes deep breaths]
[corky music]
[breathing quickens]
-[door slamming] -[phone ringing]
[car approaching]
[phone ringing]
[beep]
[voicemail] Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Miles Puck.
Hope you have a great grand and amazing day.
Or not. It's really up to you.
[beep]
[Ren] Hey, Miles, it's me again.
Really wish you'd call me back.
I saw your car is still on my street, and I wanted to make sure you're okay.
Don't really know what happened last night, but call me back, okay?
Seriously, even just a text saying, "yo, I'm not dead," would be appreciated.
So yeah. Bye.
[beep]
Hey, Miles, just a quick heads up about the...
What are you doing?
I'm going to kill the shit out of some rats.
[gun clicking]
What happened to your eye?
I got into a fight.
With the rats?
No. I had a freaky thing in my sleep and I was with Ren and...
So, Ren punched you?
No.
You punched yourself?
No.
You punched Ren?
No!
Good because I was going to have to punch you then.
I mean, what kind of...
Gloves are coming off, buddy.
I got to teach you a lesson.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Let me explain. Let me explain.
Leo punched me, which caused me to have a freaky dream,
which made me yank Ren's CPAP machine.
And that caused me to have a panic attack.
So... I ran away.
Woah.
Yeah. Woah.
Have you talked to her since?
Nah, I looked absolutely insane.
Doing a lot better now.
[Rat trap snaps]
I got one.
[Rat squeaks]
Ah shit, he's not dead!
[thudding]
[rat squeaks]
[thudding]
[breathes heavily]
[sighs]
[mournful music]
I guess I should say some words.
[birds chirping]
I'm sorry I killed you, Mr. Rat.
Or Mrs. Rat...
It was too gross to check.
But regardless, I'm sorry I killed you.
I think I'm just going through something right now. And..
I was using killing your people as an outlet.
In retrospect, it's probably not the healthiest of outlets,
and it's probably a good thing that I feel bad about it,
because if I were like super into this kind of thing,
that would be really worrisome.
What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry for killing you.
I feel absolutely terrible about it
and it won't happen again.
[Rat trap snaps]
[drum thud]
I'm a monster.
[leaves rustle]
Yo.
Yo, yo, yo, what the hell?
Relax, dude. I already knew you're a nut.
I didn't realize to what degree exactly, because...
Wow.
You can't just read my dream journal.
You left it out, and I just wanted to see if I was in any of 'em.
And to be honest,
I should probably be mad with you because I'm only in one.
They're not for you!
I'm the only one who's supposed to be reading this!
Well, have you?
Have I what?
Have you read anything you've written down?
Because you should.
Reason one being your spelling is absolutely atrocious.
But reason two: you might notice some patterns.
Like, did you realize that Ren is in every single one of your dreams,
but she never says anything?
The most you'll do is probably exchange some sort of message,
but she never actually speaks.
Just saying man, your dreams don't pass the Bechdel test.
Also,
I am showing the house today.
I will keep them out of the garage because I don't want them to see...
any of this.
You.
I don't want them to see you.
Have a happy breakdown.
[kissy noises]
[door slams]
[soft music]
[pages rustle]
[whack]
[smacks]
There totally is a pattern.
But breaking it will make me look even more like a nutcase.
So let's just bury that all deep, deep down.
[rat trap snaps]
Jesus...
[crashes]
Ow.
That would have been bad.
Kip?
♪
How?
How did you?
♪
Okay.
Okay, Kip.
[rustling noise]
[screen door creaks]
Hey...
Can we, like, talk?
[fingers thumping]
Okay, first off, sorry about last night.
It's okay.
And I have something kind of big that I got to tell you.
Alright.
Okay. Okay. Umm...
[sighs]
This is my dream journal.
I started it after the sleep study.
I am supposed to write down all of my dreams
to see if there's any patterns or consistencies that come up.
And there is one.
You.
Me?
Well, you and this teddy bear from the sleep study.
But I don't know if I'm quite ready to dissect what that whole thing means yet.
But you are in every one of my dreams.
Every one since I've met you.
That has to mean something.
What does it mean?
In every one of my dreams,
you never speak.
And I never speak to you.
But all I want to do is talk to you.
That's it. Just talk to you.
Really, truly talk to you.
I'm not sure I follow.
Okay.
[clicks tongue]
The reason...
I get night terrors and why I see shadow monsters that aren't really there
is because I have
bad, terrible,
crippling anxiety.
I try and push it down, and I like to think I can hide it well. But the truth is,
I overthink everything.
And I mean everything.
I can overthink things to the point where I can feel physically ill sometimes.
I mean, I really should be on some kind of medication,
or at the very least, therapy.
But I don't have health insurance, and that's a whole other can of worms,
because then I just get worried I'm going to get hit by a bus or something
and be physically and financially crippled for the rest of my life.
and uh...
[soft music]
But when I'm alone...
especially at night, when I'm trying to go to sleep...
I can spiral into feeling completely and utterly helpless
and, well, alone.
I know this is a lot to take in.
It's okay.
And I'm not trying to say you're like some kind of miracle cure for my anxiety.
What I'm asking is if it's okay for me to tell you about it.
For me to call you up when I'm spiraling to say
"Hey, I'm feeling crappy!"
and not feel bad about it or feel like I'm imposing.
I just would really love
if I had someone as great.
As awesome.
Someone as
great grand and amazing...
as you...
there for me in my corner
to tell me it's
going to be okay just every now and then.
But have you ever feel like
I'm just taking the advantage or I'm overstepping my boundaries--
You're an idiot.
I don't think that's the proper response to everything I just said.
No, it is.
[sniffs]
Agree to disagree on that one.
Sit down, you moron.
Okay.
[sighs]
[chuckles]
I called you seven times last night, you moron.
I clearly wanted to talk to you to make sure you were okay.
You moron.
I want to be there for you just as much as you're there for me.
This is a give and take type deal.
Okay?
Yeah.
You don't think I'm crazy?
No.
[sigh of relief]
I um...
I think I still have some S'mores Pop Tarts if you want one.
That would be nice.
[hopeful music]
[giggles]
Okay. [exhales]
Pop-Tarts?
Pop-Tarts.
[footsteps]
Catharsis.
Aren't you selling yourself for how cool you make websites look?
Yeah.
[upbeat music]
Then your resumé should look cool.
Okay, let's bring this section
over there and add a graphic or something.
And then Kathy comes in and she just has to tell my client
that the nail color I picked out for her was kind of "whore-ish".
She suuucks.
Oh, my God, thank you.
She sucks so much. I hate her.
It's okay.
You've got a solid resume and you killed the interview.
You need to let yourself relax now. You've done everything you can.
[Miles] You're right. You're right.
Totally right.
I will stop freaking out because everything's totally going to be okay.
But what if they blacklist me?
Good night, you employed bastard, you.
[laughs]
So step one of the plan is complete.
Finding a job.
Step two is health insurance
which will lead to step three: finding a therapist and maybe some meds.
And how many steps are there in this plan of yours?
Hmm... I'm not sure yet.
I guess we'll find out as we go.
You know, you're very nice to me.
Don't worry.
You'll make it up to me.
Sweet dreams, Ren.
Sweet dreams, Miles.
[CPAP humming]
[Breathing through an apparatus echoes through the night]
[Miles] You know, you really do feel weightless up here.
It's awesome, right? It's like floating in the pool.
[Ren] But the pool is all around you and you can't breathe in it.
That's pretty much exactly a pool.
Don't mock my simile.
It accurately encapsulates my experience.
Oh, look!
A shooting star!
Make a wish.
[sighs]
I wish...
[tearing sound]
Ah! I've been hit!
There's a hole in my suit!
I'm going to die!
Relax.
You're not going to die.
[tape crinkling]
Let's get you back to the spaceship before the tape gives way.
[tranquil music]
Hey, Ren.
You want to know what I wished for?
You can't tell me if you want it to come true!
But what if you holding me was my wish?
Geez, you're cheesy.
Am I cheesier than the moon?
Well, looking at the moon and it's made of rock, not cheese.
So, yes, you are.
I hope you aren't lactose intolerant.
I can still take off the tape.
You wouldn't do that.
No, I wouldn't do that.
-[crickets chirping] -[water flowing]
Finally got him to be brave.
Brave enough to ask for a little help.
[splash]
What the hell was that?
Was that a trout?
Oh, hell, no! Forget this!
I'm out of here!
[End Credits Music Begins]
♪ Now, the hungry lion Roars and the wolf Behowls the moon ♪
♪ Whilst the heavy Plowman snores ♪
♪ All his weary tasks fordone ♪
♪ Now the wasted brands do Glow whilst the screech owl, Screeching loud ♪
♪ Like the wretch that Lies in whoa in Remembrance of a shroud ♪
♪ Now it is the time of night That the graves all open wide ♪
♪ Everyone let's forth Their sprite on the church Way paths to glide ♪
♪ Hand in hand with fairy grace ♪
♪ We will sing And bless this place ♪
♪ Close your eyes ♪
♪ Go to sleep ♪
♪ Just close your eyes ♪
♪ But a dream ♪
♪ Hand in hand with fairy grace ♪
♪ We will sing And bless this place ♪
♪ Close your eyes ♪
♪ Go to sleep ♪
♪ Just close your eyes ♪
♪ But a dream ♪
[music fades]