Sal.
[Sal] Hi.
I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy.
Can we go for brunch?
Can you give me another hour and we'll call it lunch?
Yeah, that's fine.
I'll just, I'll just lay here for another hour, hungry.
- Stop. (chuckles) - Is this comfortable?
No, get off!
(Lucy laughs)
You're so needy.
You love it.
(laughs) Stop.
[Lucy] You have morning breath!
Oh, you like that?
(laughs) You suck! (phone buzzes)
Yeah, let's go.
Who's awake at this time?
It's 10 a.m., Sal. (laughs)
It's June, I'll call her back in a minute.
No, invite her to brunch.
'Kay.
Hey.
(phone buzzes)
Hey.
[June] That bad, huh?
Yeah.
[June] What're you doing this weekend?
I was planning on staying in, mostly.
[June] That's what we thought.
Izzy and I booked an Airbnb on the island
for the next three days,
and we are picking you up in an hour.
As great as that sounds, Junebug, I, I think I gotta pass.
[June] He says he's not coming.
[Izzy] Don't be a little bitch.
[June] Yeah come on, stop being a little bitch.
Come on, it'll do you good.
All right, all right.
[June] Yay.
Love you, bye.
(upbeat music)
♪ High and far above me, you are ♪
♪ Your mind, your thoughts ♪
♪ Aren't mine, they're yours ♪
♪ And I, I will climb high up to the tree tops ♪
♪ Where you are and you say ♪
♪ It'll all be all right ♪
♪ I will fly in the air that you provide ♪
♪ I will soar upon your wings ♪
♪ I will lie down beside your feet ♪
♪ It's where I'll stay 'cause you say there ♪
♪ It'll all be all right ♪
[Izzy] Do you think we got enough beer?
Yeah, I was thinking the same.
[Izzy] I was joking.
I wasn't.
[June] You guys, Bryan's gonna show us the place.
- Cool. - Ohh, is Bryan
gonna show us the place?
Yeah, Bryan's gonna show us the place.
[June] We can hear you.
Nice.
Wow.
Yeah, and this is just the kitchen.
Wait until I show you the rest of the love shack.
Okay.
This is what I like to call stage one,
kinda like first base.
Shall I show you second base?
Yeah, maybe just show us the bedrooms.
Okay, if you're tracking my analogy,
that's what I like to call...
Home base?
Exactly.
My little joke, but we have filmed porn here before.
So, due to the last minute nature of your booking,
I didn't have time to stock the nightstand.
Oh that's uh, that's cool, man.
I don't think we'll be needing any of that kinda thing.
Oh look, I'm not here to judge.
Who you sleep with and where is entirely up to you.
I appreciate your sentiment, but we're not together.
Yeah, we're just friends.
Really?
You guys had this kind of electric chemistry.
Really?
Oh yeah.
So uh, wanna see the rest of the rooms?
Yeah.
Okay well uh, sometimes it's good for a host to stay
and help you bed down.
Yeah, no, we're good.
I'm not far away, I could drop in from time to time.
- No, uh. - Again, we're good,
but thanks, bud.
[June] Bye, Bryan.
See you soon, babe.
[June] Yeah, how about a couple days?
- My god, jeez. - So, he's a character.
I think he's cute.
(both laughing)
Sure, he's a little horn dog,
but at least he doesn't hide it like most guys.
[Izzy] Yeah, that's way better.
[Sal] So, should we set up some house rules?
Oof, get off, you're fucking heavy.
We should take turns cooking and cleaning.
And by that you mean Izzy will cook and will clean.
Secondly, and most importantly, no phones.
Please, like you guys could stay off your phones
for two hours, let alone two days?
You do realize that this rule is just for you, right?
We're only doing this outta solidarity.
Hmm?
You need to stop thinking about Luce,
and if you go on your phone, you're gonna try to call her.
Fair.
So anything else?
Last and most important rule,
friends don't let friends drink their problems away alone.
That's fair.
Goodbye liver.
Mmm!
And I don't wanna have to keep bringing it up,
so be proactive.
Beautiful response, June.
Beautiful.
Hey, Izz?
Yeah?
Could you get me another drink, please?
Oh, haha. (June chuckles)
Fine.
Yep.
So.
So?
Lucy.
Mm, new rule.
The name Lucy is off-limits.
- Really? - Yep.
Unless we're plotting revenge.
- June! - What?
I like it, but we still can't use her name.
Okay.
You two are children.
Obviously.
What ah, kinda revenge are you thinking?
Well, I was thinking, you know all
the sexual misconduct allegations right now?
I like where you're going.
Everyone's guilty by accusation,
so instead of revenge porn,
we could revenge smear her.
Jesus June, that's dark.
You're supposed to be our innocent one.
I know, I've been adding dark sides to myself,
spice things up a little.
I like it.
Which part, the revenge smear, or my dark side?
Both.
Well as much as I like your dark side,
Luce did nothing wrong, she was lovely.
(scoffs) Drink.
And yes, she's great, but she's an ex now, so we hate her.
[Izzy] Seriously?
Yep.
No, she's great.
It was me.
Hey, you're great, too.
Yeah, I was joking.
Hey, I need another drink.
- Me too. - 'Kay, I got it.
Every time.
Hey, it's expected.
Not sure that it is, but given that we've met Bryan,
I wholly support it.
(Izzy laughs) - What the...
Nice, do you think it's his?
Has to be.
Hey.
- Nice! - Okay.
It's called, wait for it, Libidica.
Hilarious.
Not sure that it is.
Oh what, you're not gonna smoke it?
I absolutely am.
Good, aye? ♪ I won't give up ♪
♪ Even if the sun ain't shining ♪
♪ Dance with me into the night and ♪
What do you guys think of my walk?
Huh?
My walk.
- What do you mean? - Do you like it?
Is it a strong walk?
♪ Girl I know that we can make it ♪
I have never really considered that, to be honest.
♪ You know I won't give up ♪
- Why would you lie? - What?
You said to be honest, why would you not be honest?
[Sal] Fair question.
I dunno.
I think I'm gonna mix it up.
If I start walking more like a badass,
maybe people will think that I'm more of a badass.
(women chuckling)
Yeah, good luck with that, all right?
[Sal] So whaddaya got?
Gimme a strut.
All right.
♪ I won't give up ♪
♪ Even if the sun ♪
(everyone laughs)
♪ Dance with me into the night ♪
And then like a.
♪ Show you that I won't give up. ♪
[June] Yeah, 'cause that looks
totally natural, and badass.
That, that'll help you get the girls.
I might as well just start walking like this.
(everyone laughing)
Is that thing lame, whaddaya got?
'Kay.
♪ Scared of being lonely ♪
See this, okay.
Let us see this.
Now, whaddaya got, bring it.
♪ I ain't going anywhere. ♪
(laughs) What the fuck
is that? - What?
That's my new walk.
Fuck you guys!
Ooh, look at me.
[Sal] This looks amazing.
Have I ever told you that I love you?
Yes, and it generally coincides with my cooking.
But, cooking a whole Christmas dinner
just to make us Christmas sandwiches, is pretty amazing.
[June] It's amazing.
It's nothing, really.
Are you sure we can't help?
Well you want this to be all time, right?
- Yeah. - Yeah, then no thanks.
You're treating this like a challenge, aren't you?
Kind of.
Juniper, what is your favorite dish?
And do not say spaghetti and meatballs again,
'cause I'm so tired of making the same shit
for you over and over.
Pancakes, with loads of fruit and tons of syrup.
Well, then that's breakfast sorted.
Yay!
To the chef of what could be the best
Christmas sandwich ever.
Cheers.
To the chef of the best Christmas sandwich ever.
Seriously?
This is my favorite Christmas sandwich I've ever had.
Mm, really?
Curmo sandmo is my favorite, and this is the best.
It's fucking amazing.
[Izzy] Well thank you, guys.
Excuse me while I become extremely antisocial
and devour the shit outta this.
Hey, take your time.
You always enjoy things better when you take your time.
(June laughs) - Bullshit.
I'm enjoying this just fine.
So?
So what's Jason been saying?
Mm.
Jason hasn't texted me back for four days.
Shit.
- Yeah. - What'd you text him last?
What does that matter?
Well, if you didn't start a conversation,
he's technically not ignoring you.
True.
Let's see.
Hey, you free for dinner tomorrow night?
- Fuck. - Rough.
Yeah.
Why is every guy you're into end up being a ghoster?
It's just guys in general, especially in this city.
Really, 'cause Jason always texts me back.
Well that's 'cause you didn't sleep with him,
and then introduce him to your parents.
- Right. - You guys are the worst.
I just gave him a quick BJ and he begged me
to be his old man.
And blow him too, right?
Oh, of course.
I hate you all.
[Izzy] Sorry, kid.
You know what?
You should try being sluttier.
Like Izzy.
Excuse you?
I mean, it sounds like a good plan.
- Hey. - Hey!
Don't either of you dare slut shame me.
Oh, we're not shaming, we're saying it's the better way.
Absolutely, I can't remember the last time
you were hung up on someone.
Well that's 'cause you gotta keep it casual.
I mean, you gotta know what you want,
and be up front about it.
And more often than not,
I just gotta get taken care of sexually.
How liberated of you.
Oh, why thank you, sir.
♪ Don't take this the wrong way, darling ♪
♪ I've been thinking about you ♪
♪ More than I wanted to do ♪
♪ Your lips and your hair ♪
♪ Though beautiful, don't do justice to ♪
♪ What you've got so rare ♪
Wow, wow, wow, and playing songs you wrote
about the she-devil isn't off limits?
Nope, this is my grieving process.
And is that Bryan's guitar?
Yep.
So you know, I just have to wonder,
what kinda songs does Bryan play
to woo his lovers on that guitar?
And on that note, I'm gonna go pee.
Make sure you wash your hands first.
Gross.
Wait.
Can I come?
[Sal] What?
I've always wanted to try.
Aiming.
(chuckles) No.
Sal, don't be lame.
Let the girl hold your flaccid penis.
See that's the thing, the idea of a girl
holding my penis while laughing might be my worst nightmare.
That's 'cause you're a square.
[Sal] (scoffs) Okay.
Don't worry, I'll get him to let me before we leave.
Oh, I don't doubt it.
Kind of a weird fetish, June, but I'm into it.
It's not sexual, I just wanna try aiming.
Sure.
Hey, have you ever had a threesome?
Not really.
Not really sounds like kinda.
This one time I got to like 1 1/2 bases
with like two guys.
Why didn't it go the full distance?
'Cause I'm pretty sure they were more interested
in each other than me.
Really, what gave you that impression?
Well, what gave it away, June darling,
was that about after 10 minutes when we called it off,
the other two were in the other bedroom
giving it the full hog.
I guess I should be flattered for the initial invite,
but alas, I am not.
How about you?
Come on.
Yes, you're the most obvious.
Like that flute player from American Pie.
[Sal] Hope you're not supporting
this Johnson aiming fetish, yes?
Whoa, and I need another drink.
Me too, I'll get it.
[Sal] Aw, thanks.
[June] Time for more drinking games.
Yeah.
Can't we just drink and talk tonight?
Not everyone is as sophisticated as you, Isabelle.
I really like booze, it hides the agony inside me.
Yeah, you and Fun Bobby.
I love that all your references are from the mid '90s.
It was the golden age of television.
Hmm.
- What, whoa! - That's how
it's done, bitches.
Not fair.
I want a rematch.
Oh, I think you're cut off for now.
Why?
Well do you want a good day tomorrow, or a bad day?
Yeah, I think you've had enough.
Okay, if I was too drunk, could I do this?
[Sal] (chuckles) Whatcha doing?
[June] Yoga.
Okay, let me help.
(June yells)
- Okay let's go! - Whee!
Okay, let's get some fresh air before the party crashes.
[June] Okay, I need shoes.
- Okay, on your hands. - I need shoes.
[Sal] And, take a right.
(laughs) Bullshit!
[Izzy] It's true.
I don't buy it.
Todd's dad?
How was that?
Honestly it was fucking awesome.
It's all that recent divorcee sexual frustration.
So you would know a thing or two about that, then, hey?
Low blow.
People are saying I'm great at sex now, probably right.
Eh, we'll see.
(laughs) Will we?
Okay, gross.
Maybe Bryan's right, guys,
we're oozing with sexual tension.
(Izzy vocalizes)
(both vocalizing)
Hot.
Mm, you like that?
Yeah.
Okay, we're officially at June
making out with girls drunk.
Which is what, two stages before barfing?
I am not gonna puke this weekend, okay?
I am a whole new June.
(Sal and Izzy laughs)
You sure this is okay?
(Sal laughs)
Okay.
Hold on, oh, I'm feeling sick.
You okay, babe?
Hold on a minute.
Ohh, those beers are hitting me.
[Izzy] Are you okay?
Yeah yeah, keep going.
Oh, I think I'm gonna puke.
You guys have fun though.
I think she's fine.
So much for a whole new June, hey?
(Sal chuckles)
Hi, poothank.
[Sal] Hey.
How you feeling?
I threw up.
(chuckles) I know.
How do you know?
I could hear you.
No.
It's okay, we've all seen you throw up before.
I'm sorry we didn't get to have sex.
It's okay.
You gonna sleep here?
Yeah, I'm cozy.
[Sal] 'Kay.
[June] I want a kiss goodnight.
- Goodnight, Junebug. - No, don't leave me.
Can we cuddle?
Mmkay.
Why'd you guys bring me here?
Because we were afraid you were gonna try
and kill yourself again.
[Izzy] Good morning.
Morning.
[Izzy] So?
So, we had sex last night.
That we did.
It's not weird, right?
I don't think, do you think it's weird?
No.
[Izzy] How you feeling, junkie?
Solid six outta 10.
How are you two feeling?
- Good. - Good.
[Sal] Yeah, good.
So you two fuck buddies now, or what?
Well if someone could handle their booze a little better.
What do you guys feel like doing today?
Really beautiful breakfast, Sal.
You know, we can't all be ritzo chefs.
How do you guys feel about a hike?
[Izzy] I'm into it.
Can I say no?
No.
Now that we've all seen you naked,
I think we can confidently say you could do with the hike.
That's really mean.
Okay, well then, I need a drink.
It's 9:00 a.m.
It's vacation weekend, no judging on vacation weekend.
So we're just gonna pretend like this
is all just a vacation, Sal?
[Sal] Fuck off.
And we're low on beer.
Wow, that's embarrassing.
I'll run into town, and we can take off when I get back.
Want company?
♪ Bow chick a wow ow ♪
You done?
Sorry, I'm done.
No, I'm good, see you guys in a bit.
Bye forever.
How do you make an emergency call
if you don't have any fucking service?
(engine roars)
[Izzy] Do you think we fucked up?
[June] What do you mean?
[Izzy] You know what I mean.
[June] Yeah.
Yeah, we fucked up?
[June] I don't know.
We brought him out here to have a good time,
but instead we just end up getting drunk and fucking him.
Well to be fair, only you fucked him.
Right.
How was that, by the way?
[Izzy] Shut up.
I'm actually super curious.
I don't know.
I mean, it's Sal, he's not exactly Fabio.
Again with the outdated references.
I don't know, I guess it felt intimate.
Well, at first I was repulsed and now I'm just jealous.
Oh please, things must be like 50% less awkward for you.
Yeah.
(chuckles) You fucked Sal.
We had a weird moment last night.
We all had a weird moment last night.
When we were falling asleep, Sal told me that he loved me.
Yeah, so?
I don't know, it felt different.
I think you're reading too much into it.
Probably.
So what are we gonna do?
We're going for a hike, right?
You know what I mean!
I don't know, just act as normal as possible, I guess,
and let him talk about it if he wants to?
Oh shit.
(customers chattering)
Ah, hey.
[Lucy] Hey, Sal.
How are you?
Ah yeah, super.
[Lucy] Good, I'm glad.
How are you?
[Lucy] I'm okay.
Yeah uh, me too.
[Lucy] I guess we gotta deal with all the ex shit now.
Yeah.
[Lucy] Look, I'm just, I'm calling to ask you
if I can grab a few things?
[Clerk] Hey, I found that rum you were asking about.
We also have a great selection
of west coast pale ale from Winchhammer.
I'll take two six packs, thanks.
[Clerk] Okay.
[Lucy] Oh, are you in the liquor store already?
Ah, yeah.
[Lucy] Eh, I'm glad, let off some steam.
So can I grab a few things?
I am actually on the island, with Izzy and June.
[Lucy] Oh, cool.
That's okay, I can just, I'll get them another day.
Yeah, maybe we could, I dunno,
grab a cup of coffee or something?
[Lucy] Actually um, (laughs) well I have a key,
so do you think I could let myself in?
It's not like it's my first time there. (chuckles)
I hate this.
It'll do you good.
Fuck you.
I meant mentally.
[Izzy] So how's the shop going?
[June] Pretty good, people like it.
[Izzy] You're blowing up!
[June] Yeah, I guess.
It's different than I expected, though.
[Izzy] How do you mean?
[June] I dunno, I guess I just romanticized
the idea of owning my own shop so much
that now it seems kind of...
[Izzy] Like what?
[June] Boring?
[Sal] Isn't it worth it to get all your friends
half priced clothes, though?
Yeah, it's good, I'm just complaining
about what I've always wanted, so I'll just go fuck myself.
♪ As a burning gave up a garden of the rice ♪
♪ You're the sweetest love I have ever felt ♪
♪ And I don't need to know what I'd do without you now ♪
♪ You got to get back because the sun is growing old ♪
[Sal] You all right?
[Izzy] (laughs) Yeah.
♪ I leave my doors unlocked, baby come in from the cold ♪
[Sal] Maybe we could a just taken the car, but yeah, sure.
♪ What I'd do without you now ♪
Wow.
You guys, let me get your picture.
Come on, Sal, we gotta get our picture taken.
[Sal] Gotta do it for the 'Gram.
Always complaining and then making it
your profile picture.
(Sal laughs)
All right, well let's get a selfie.
I thought no phones?
What did I just say?
Okay, fine.
[June] One, two, three.
[All] Wieners!
[June] Beautiful.
Okay, I have to find somewhere to pee.
Do you have to go?
No, I'm good.
Okay fine, Jill.
But if I get eaten by wolves, it's on your conscience.
Here's hoping.
[Izzy] Yours too, Sal.
You doing okay?
Yeah.
No.
I don't know.
It's fine, I'm uh, not gonna try to kill myself again.
[June] I was really hoping I didn't say that last night.
It's okay, I'm a fucking mess.
But I think I'll stay being a living mess for now.
You fucking better.
It was a long time ago.
I know, I still worry about it.
I know, I know.
That was all head stuff.
This time my actual life's just going to shit.
Please, you got dumped.
People get dumped.
And I might have gotten fired.
Might have?
I did.
Oh shit, Sal, what happened?
Scott said I emotionally checked out.
[June] I mean, you kinda did though, right?
I guess.
Why didn't you tell me?
'Cause it's fucking embarrassing.
[Izzy] So is the rest of your life,
and you still tell me all about it.
Dick.
Oh, and last night,
I slept with 1 1/2 of my two best friends.
Oh man, your life is going to shit.
(upbeat music)
Okay, so we just throw this white ball
and try and get the other ones closer, yeah?
Yeah, and then you can like knock people's balls
outta the way and stuff, and then things get pretty dirty.
I like it dirty.
Oh I know you do.
I remember it being more of a gentleman's game.
It's mainly played in Marsielle
and sometimes people get stabbed over it.
That's why French call this one.
Wow, sounds lovely, getting stabbed over what appears
to be European horseshoes.
Well, if we can't make up our own rules,
we can at least come up with new names for things,
like if I knock you outta the way,
I have to apologize profusely.
Guys, this is like, 100 years of French tradition
that you to have ruined in like, five solid minutes.
Remember?
Ruined.
Oh, one last rule.
You gotta play with a drink in your non-throwing hand.
[Izzy] Okay see, now that is French tradition.
Nice.
Miss France at all?
All the time.
It's kinda weird though.
Like, I wouldn't move back there,
I mean, I could for a few years, but it's not home.
Well, how about you move back to France,
and I'll come with you.
I can be like your unemployed roommate,
but it'll be cool, 'cause it's France.
What about me?
You can come too.
Yay.
We're not going to France.
Boo.
[June] Hey, how about a game of desert island?
[Sal] Yeah.
'Kay, I'll go first.
Beverages.
Mm, toughy.
Assuming there's a fresh water source on the island?
Of course.
'Kay, then I'm gonna go beer, gin,
and I'll get back to you.
Any particular beer?
[Sal] I'm gonna go with a west coast pale ale.
You knocked me outta the way.
My dearest Junebug, I express my sincerest apologies
for knocking you outta the way
and decreasing your chances of winning this round.
Well I would pick a red wine,
something like a really nice Bordeaux,
and coffee, single origin, from Ethiopia.
I'll go coffee, too.
And a beer, but something like a bog standard
like this one, so I could drink a shit ton
and never get tired of it.
I like your style.
Okay, I'll go coffee too, root beer, and sake.
- Sake. - Nice.
No thanks.
Mmkay, so that is 671 for June, 473 for me,
and we'll call it six for Izzy.
Why not?
(chuckles) Also, no one wants to be on your island.
What?
Who picks oatmeal as one of their meals?
It's delicious and nutritious.
Okay, how about three exes on your island.
Hard pass.
- Yeah, no. - Okay fine,
it probably wasn't the best time for that one, anyways.
It's kinda cool how we're all finally single together.
Jesus, we've been single for one day.
Look at the shit we get up to.
Now we can finally hit the town properly.
We are gonna have so much fun.
I dunno, I don't plan on being single for too long.
It doesn't suit me.
So you're just gonna date someone to feel better
instead of for romance?
I mean romance is a bonus.
- Okay, fair. - No it isn't.
Finding your soulmate is the most important thing in life.
Maybe in a Disney movie.
So you're just gonna date anybody?
You're not gonna try and find out who you are
and try and find your real soulmate?
It sounds like something out of a great magazine, June,
but yeah, for now.
- But if you... - How about
we go get some food?
Yeah.
(birds chirping)
You coming, girl?
(light piano music)
Yeah.
♪ All my friends say they can't breathe ♪
♪ All my love will marry me ♪
♪ Oh, mama says I grow too quick ♪
♪ Oh, dear I think I'm getting sick ♪
Jesus Christ, Sal.
♪ My own medicine ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ It's my head again ♪
♪ Oh, baby burst along ♪
♪ Oh, maybe ♪
A digital detox would be so good.
Agreed, but I'm honestly not that bad anymore.
I mean, with the kitchen, I don't even get to my phone
until like 11, and then in the morning,
you just wanna chill.
But I could go without my phone for awhile.
I'm terrible.
Yeah, but you need it for your work.
You really aren't buzzed about the store anymore, are you?
No, I like it, it's just I expected to love it, you know?
It's like, it was my dream and it's not anymore.
If that makes sense.
I get that.
So what's your new dream?
Horse whisperer.
(both chuckling)
Maybe stick to the store for now.
But speaking of a digital detox, where is Sal?
Hey Sal, hurry up.
Sal?
(knocking on door)
He's not there.
Porch.
Shit.
Maybe one of us should stay here in case he comes back.
If he comes back, it means he's alive and we're fine.
True.
Izzy!
Oh my god, he's not there.
(gasping) Oh fuck.
It's okay.
(Izzy screams)
(everyone screams)
[Izzy] What the fuck are you doing, you asshole?
(gasping) Asshole, why am I an asshole?
What the fuck are you doing here?
I was going for a jog.
A jog?
(Sal coughs)
Wait, what are you guys doing here?
We're looking for you, dickhead.
Yeah, you could a told us where you went.
You're right.
Sorry, I felt like shit, so I decided to go for a jog.
It's overrated, by the way.
Well let's, let's go home for dinner.
[June] Sal.
Yeah?
You can't disappear like that.
You need to relax.
I'm serious.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
[Izzy] Are you guys done with those peppers yet?
Just need a little more time.
Well can we get them done today?
(Sal chuckles)
(speaks in foreign language) You two are like children.
Can we get these finished so we can eat, please?
(Sal laughs)
Izz, this was so good.
Yeah Izz, you're too good.
Thank you, but it'd be a lot better with peppers.
(chuckles) True.
Hey, remember that meal you made us
when we went camping at the lake?
That was the first trip you guys took with Lucy.
How did you cook that all over an open fire?
It was no sweat.
Yeah right, you were sweating.
Okay, really though.
There's this guy in Sweden that I met
who runs a Michelin star restaurant,
and everything's cooked over an open flame.
That sounds like a sweat fest.
Oh, says Senor Sweats from last night.
Yeah, he's a sweater.
No really, you'd think he was in some sort
of interrogation room with two bald cops and a bright
spotlight on him. - Okay, okay, we get it.
So what do you guys wanna do tonight?
I dunno, I'm not responsible for anything.
I was thinking a drinking game or two.
Okay, but let's just keep it slow tonight, yeah?
No.
[Sal] What'd you have in mind?
Let's start with Truth or Dare.
- Yes. - No.
Come on, one round.
Absolutely.
You guys just want me to be naked,
singing Mickey Mouse again.
Hey, there's no guarantee it's gonna be the same song.
Great, and after that?
Then I was thinking a game of I've Never.
We all know everything about each other.
Do we?
I think it'd be fun.
Thank you, Izzy.
Super.
Oh come on, stop being such a lame-o.
You're not allowed.
Exactly, so start stripping.
Great.
Okay, I have never been helping out
at a charity event, dressed as Santa Claus,
and passed out because of a hangover.
And this is why I didn't wanna play this game.
I have never pictured myself with one of the three amigos.
Okay, but let's pick things
that we don't already know about each other.
I pooed in my neighbor's garden.
Wow. (Sal laughs)
Yeah.
You know, you're supposed to say, "I've never,"
beforehand, but fuck it, I'll allow it.
I've never masturbated in the bathroom at work.
Gross.
[Sal] Grosser than pooing in your neighbor's lawn?
Fair.
For real?
Am I the weird one for not masturbating in public?
Huh, I guess I'm not a total degenerate.
Oh no, you still are.
♪ Getting dumped is an opportunity ♪
♪ Exactly ♪
♪ To have June hold your wiener while you pee ♪
(June chuckles)
♪ And getting fired by your friend, Scott ♪
♪ Makes you seem really hot ♪
♪ To all the ladies ♪
Hey, you'll be fine, you had two ladies last night.
Ah, 1 1/2.
Ha ha.
So, in regards to that, I was thinking.
Yeah?
Seeing as how I got left outta the threesome last night.
You mean barfing your guts out in the toilet.
Yeah, I was thinking we could try again tonight.
Uh, yeah, okay.
Let's do this.
Sal?
Right, um, it's probably not a great idea, Juniper.
Come on, it'll be fun.
I mean, you're right.
Right?
I just don't think it's a great move, guys.
It's vacation weekend, remember?
You guys are overthinking this.
I think Izzy's right.
You guys are no fun.
How about a game of bok choy?
Yeah.
[Izzy] Okay, next category, girls who don't hate Sal.
Ha!
Girls don't hate me.
They don't.
Sal's mom.
See?
Okay yeah, I've actually been meaning
to talk to you about that one.
I think she loves you just a little too much.
- Shut up. - Yeah, he's mommy's
little soldier.
Oh, very funny.
Uh, Molly.
What, Molly loves me.
I believe the word she used to describe you was entitled.
What?
She ain't a fan, pick 'em up.
Shit.
'Kay, what's your category?
Things to do tonight that are not shitting on Sal.
Go moonlight canoeing.
Have another campfire.
Watch a movie.
Go to bed early.
Have a proper threesome.
June.
What?
Come on guys, I missed out last night.
It's not fair.
June.
I'm just getting things going.
You didn't complain last night.
June, please sit down.
June.
What?
You're embarrassing yourself.
Wow.
(door slams)
We should go.
Yeah.
(crickets chirping)
[Sal] Junebug.
Don't Junebug me.
I'm sorry we're not feeling like hooking up tonight.
The vibe is just not there.
It's fine, Sal, just go do whatever you want.
Like usual, you're not responsible for anything.
[Sal] That's not fair, and you know it.
Do I?
Do I know it?
Why don't you guys just go back inside
and keep making fucking eyes at each other?
[Izzy] What?
You think I don't notice the new spark between you two?
June, we're just trying to have a relaxed night.
Yeah, a relaxed night without me, right?
[Izzy] Shit.
You know what, I can't do this right now.
Classic Sal.
And what's that supposed to mean?
Nothing.
June, if you've got something to say, fucking say it.
Okay, everything is always on your terms.
You wanted to hook up last night, so we did.
You're upset, and it's up to me to fix it.
You act like a fucking asshole.
You just can't deal with this right now.
That's not...
I do everything for you.
I spent $1,200 to try and make you feel better.
I booked an Airbnb on the island
that you never shut up about to make you happy.
I do everything to make you happy.
No one asked you to.
You don't have to!
What the fuck are you saying?
She's saying she's in love with you.
Sorry, I think I'm still kinda high.
Well she's not.
That's not what you're saying, right?
I don't know.
Maybe.
June, why didn't you ever say anything?
Oh yeah, 'cause that's an easy one.
I'm feeling weird that you slept with our best friend,
I'm in love with him.
You don't mean that.
Exactly June, please, just try to explain,
just say something.
I'm not talking to you.
What do you have to say for yourself?
What do you want from me, June?
Do you want me to say that yeah, sure,
I fucking thought about it.
I don't know.
That I'm somehow magically better
and ready to fucking jump in with both feet.
Well you sure made it clear earlier
that you don't give a shit who you date.
How long has this been going on?
Sal.
Because it seems like this is your store all over again.
"I want a store more than anything!"
"Fuck, never mind, no I don't."
Stop it.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Shut up.
I haven't slept in almost a week,
and I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Let's not forget why you fucking brought me here.
Hey, guys, I might be able to help.
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
What the fuck, Bryan.
How long have you been here?
Long enough to know that I could be of some help.
Dude, you need to leave, now.
This isn't one of those times where you can weasel
you way into a conversation, Bryan.
Look, hear me out.
I am not just a friendly Airbnb host.
I am also a licensed sexual therapist.
You need to step off.
Oh my god, who the fuck even licenses that?
Chill out, chill out, hear me out.
Sal, correct me now if I'm overstepping...
You clearly are.
This is a beautiful woman.
It is not natural to turn that away.
(crickets chirping)
- Fucking idiot! - Sal, what're you doing?
[Sal] I'm defending your honor!
[Bryan] Hey, hey!
[Sal] Wait till I'm done, motherfucker!
(men grunting)
[Bryan] Well now you've unleashed the dragon!
I was in the reserves!
(Sal yells incoherently)
[Sal] Jesus!
[Bryan] What?
[Sal] Do you have a boner?
No.
[Sal] I can feel it!
[Bryan] It's not my fault.
It's friction based!
(men panting)
[Sal] Hey!
It was necessary.
I don't need you to defend me, asshole.
Okay, we're all good to go.
Any sign of June?
Nothing.
Oh, it was good to get that out in the open though, aye?
Dude.
Yeah, I might have overstepped it a bit.
Hey, we all got carried away.
Don't mention it.
I think June's at the beach, I passed her on my way here.
Shit.
I need to get to work, Sal.
What do you want me to do about it?
I think you need to go after her.
I'm gonna say this, and you're making me say this,
but Bryan's right, you need to go talk to her.
Bryan, don't know how many times I have to say this,
but could you stay out of this?
Oh, I thought we were okay?
Not sure why you'd think that.
Sal, please?
Well, you said so.
She doesn't wanna talk to me.
She's made that very clear.
Well you two need to sort your shit out,
and we need to catch this ferry.
Fuck me.
Jeez, and he says I'm the bad guy.
Bet he didn't even read the house rules.
He did not, Bryan.
(light music)
You like me.
Shut up.
[Sal] I don't know what I'm doing.
I know.
Like, at all.
It's not like I haven't thought about it.
About us.
It's just not right, right now.
I know.
And to be clear, I'll be fine.
It's not like I thought anything was gonna actually happen.
Please, you can't resist these hips.
[June] Yeah that's, that's what it is.
I can't resist a man with pronounced hips.
♪ I fly in the air that you provide ♪
♪ I will soar upon your wings ♪
♪ I will lie down beside your feet ♪
♪ It's where I'll stay 'cause you say there ♪
♪ It'll all be all right ♪
(cheery music)
♪ It'll all be all right ♪