[plants crying]
Excuse me, I'm just coming through.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Shaun ran away again!
-Shh! -Oh, I'm sorry.
Peace be with you.
Oh, my God. It's hard to believe it's real.
Mmm. I have seen a lot of death in my time and caused much of it,
but this one hurts.
So, um... [clears throat] Ives, I think it's that time.
Ives?
Harley, honey, why don't you just start?
Okay, don't worry. I got this.
[sniffles]
[clears throat]
So, you know, I'm never really at a loss for words.
You know who always had something to say?
Frank!
He was super funny when you didn't want to kill him.
-Anyways... -[Bane groans]
Frank pretty much always had the last word,
and today is no exception.
Hello from down below! [chuckles]
I guess I'm technically not down below yet,
but if you're watching this, I'm dancing with the devil.
And let me tell you something,
this motherfucker got two left feet. [laughs]
Did that get a laugh?
[coughs]
My guess is not,
'cause it would make people feel too awkward, you know?
Should have led with a dick joke.
-Dick jokes always work. -[all chuckling]
Always.
Anyway, I got some business to announce.
Item one! I bequeath to Ivy my most precious thing.
-Aw. -My cum rag.
Ah, Jesus. Is that what this is?
Did Ivy say "Oh, Jesus" and throw it in right there with me?
Because that's exactly what I wanted.
Item two! Lower my casket. Shovel on some of that dirt.
And maybe a touch of nice champagne on top.
I know you have some in your purse, Harley.
Aw, he knew me so well.
Okay, item three.
...which brings us to item 576.
[sighs] Christ, enough of this shit.
I'm gonna find out whoever killed my Frank,
and I'm gonna rip off their gonads,
and I'm gonna shove them
-down their throats. -Ivy!
I am serious. Harley, just let me speak--
No, no, Ivy, stop! Look!
-[gasps] -[mic thuds]
[Poison Ivy] What...
Now, if my calculations are correct
and my cum rag went in the grave
about three hours ago,
you should be seeing the fruit of my seeds,
crowning right about now.
What the fuck is that?
And in answer to the profane question I know Ivy just asked,
I call it Frankette.
It's a product of me
and a little bit of Ivy's DNA from her lipstick.
Oh, my God.
Anyway, Frankette's not me.
She's me 2.0 fucking yeah.
So take good care of her.
-[laughs] -[Frankette babbles]
Will somebody help her out the ground? God damn it!
[both gasp]
[cries]
Nah, I can't. I can't do this.
-[Frankette crying] -Rockabye sprouty in our condo
When the wind blows Your leafies will grow
Can't stop myself!
Damn it, Shaun! Why are you even here?
I ran away from my dad and didn't know where else to go.
Is that a new snack?
-[cries] -Maybe me and the new snack
can play yum-yum in my tum-tum.
Okay, it is not a snack, and you should not be here right now.
Okay, Ives, I know you're grieving,
but any chance you could do that and help me out at the same time?
Honey, I'm busy right now, okay?
I'm trying to access Frank's spirit in The Green
so he can tell me who killed him.
And then once he does, I'm going to rip off their--
Okay, yeah. I see what's going on here.
This is textbook post-plant partum syndrome.
You are not letting yourself get too attached to Frankette
because you're afraid of losing her just like--
Please, stop it, Harley.
One thing has nothing to do with the other, okay?
Great, except one did come out of the other's cum rag.
-I'm just saying. -I'm just saying
she's not replacing Frank!
-[doorbell rings] -[cries]
I'll get it!
You're not Santa.
Nope, but I do come bearing gifts.
Gifts? That's so nice of you!
It's the gift of information.
Aw, this Santa sucks.
-Santa doesn't exist, kid. -[gasps] What?
I am here to tell you that I know who killed Frank.
[gasps] Who did it?
You got to tell me everything,
and as soon as I find out who it is, I'm gonna--
[all] Rip off their gonads and shove them down their throats.
Fuck all of you.
It was Brainiac.
[gasps] What? Why?
You ruined his perfect city, and he wants you to suffer.
He's a monster who murders for fun.
And time's a ticking
because once he gets bored killing people, he's gonna bottle the city.
Like he did in the musical. How did that song go again?
Bottle it up like--
Please, honey. Not now, not now.
He's going to destroy us all.
-Even this cutie right here. -[Frankette babbling]
I'm going to deal with this bastard right now.
Wait! You can't just get revenge without me.
We are the revenge team.
Remember what we did to Jason?
We double-teamed that shit.
[tearfully] If Frank were here,
he would have been all over that double-teaming joke.
Oh, honey, come here.
You have to stop Brainiac as soon as possible.
Come to my place.
I can get you on his ship with my teleporter.
Brainy gave it to me so, you know, I can bounce back and forth. Easy-peasy.
See, Ives, we got this.
Thanks, babe. Thanks.
Now let's go get some robot gonads.
[Shaun] Can't stop myself!
Oh, shit. Who's gonna make sure that Shaun doesn't eat Frankette?
Uh, hello?
How is the best babysitter in Metropolis?
-No-- [groans] -Wait!
We'd really appreciate it if you could watch Shaun and Frankette
while we go rip some shit up.
Well, okay.
I don't really have a whole lot I was going to do today...
Wait a minute! What's this?
Bane, we really don't have time right now.
"Dear, Mr. Bane, Goldilocks has been given
two weeks of detention for speaking out of turn."
"We believe that this punishment isn't too severe or too light,
but rather just right."
No one but me has the right to punish Goldie!
I'm going to the Dutch Immersion School right now
to give the teacher a piece of my mind.
Ha! Stupid teacher doesn't know I'm not in school.
Okay, Bane, Bane, just take Shaun to school and bring Frankette.
She can learn Dutch.
[sniffles]
-[cries] -I don't think she likes me.
-She'll be fine. -You got this, Bane.
Well, aren't you-- God damn it!
[laughs] She got you!
So, let's go over how to kill Brainiac
-once you teleport to his ship. -Uh, I was thinking
something along the lines of bashing and smashing.
Yeah, and I was thinking something along the lines
"Let's stop talking so we can get there already."
Hang on. You have to be smart about this.
-Ivy, your powers-- -Oh, my God, let's go!
Sorry!
Shit!
-Let's get him. -Hell, yeah!
Can't be too hard to find him.
Ooh, yeah.
Maybe we should have let Lena finish telling us what to do.
We don't need Lena. Let's split up and search.
Wait, wait, wait. What's our signal going to be when we find him?
Like code red or code blue?
Just call my name, okay? Let's go.
But that's our safe word.
Oh, my God, we don't have time for this. Just go that way.
-What? Clayface? -[Clayface singing in distance]
-[exclaims] -[Clayface continues singing]
The Brainiac Musical?
Oh, he never could hit that note.
What the fuck?
What in the... [sniffs]
Ew.
[humming indistinctly]
Oh, you again.
Apologies for the mess.
Koko is dead.
You may have known that,
but I did not realize it for centuries.
I suppose that makes me insane.
Just like the musical says.
If only there were a happy ending.
But alas...
This is the dude we're scared of?
It did not end.
Who the hell are you talking to?
Them.
Oh, I see.
Ivy, I found Brainiac and he's gone nuts!
You son of a bitch! This is for Frank!
[yells]
Shit! It's not working!
Because there are no plants here.
I think he's depressed, don't you? Poor guy.
Poor guy? He killed Frank!
[yells, grunts]
-[grunts] -[grunts]
Ives, sidebar?
I don't really have a great idea of how to kill this dude.
Maybe we could throw water at him and short-circuit him.
Oh, like when you accidentally drop a hair dryer
in the bathtub and then you ruin the hair dryer?
Hang on, sorry, if--
In this scenario, would you be in the bath?
Because I think ruining a hair dryer
wouldn't be the worst thing, you know, that happens if--
Uh, excuse me, sir? Sir?
What are you doing on your computer thingy?
Oh, I am destroying Metropolis.
-What? -I beg your pardon?
I was planning to do it later,
but now that I see you are here to kill me,
I thought I would just get right to it.
One down, 942,007 buildings to go.
-Oh, my God. -Holy shit.
Hey, hey! Why the hell are you doing this?
Because in my insanity, I fouled it up beyond repair,
so I am going to burn it to the ground and start anew.
[gasps] This is "Hit the Bottle."
-Ives, this is the song about-- -I don't care what the fuck it was about.
Brainiac's a serial killer, and now he's killing Metropolis.
We have to stop him.
That's what I'm trying to do! Just follow my lead.
[singing in time to musical] Bottle it up
Like you bottle your feelings
Oh, I love this song.
None of it is real Like those...
Oh, okay.
...bullshit glass ceilings
Uh, Harls, it's just like not a great time to be singing.
Yeah, or dancing either.
Just listen to the lyrics, Ive.
-Listen to the lyrics and do what it says! -Do what it says?
Release the safety Grab the red lever
Point to the city Because you're so clever
-Type in the code 11-11 -Oh.
Now spin that dial You're close to heaven
Hit the lit button And see what's up
You did it, hooray You bottled it up
Up, up bottled it up You bottled it up
Up, up bottled it up
You bottled it up
Oh, no.
[Brainiac exclaims]
See? Theater can save lives!
Now how do you want to kill him?
Uh, I don't know. Like, stomp on him, I guess?
Oh, no, no, you know what? Fill it with water.
Yes, and then roll it down the hill.
-Fire! -Yeah. Woah, fire could work!
No, Metropolis is literally on fire!
Hup-hup. Hello!
Now, students, the Dutch word for oppressor
is onderdrukker--
You onderdrukker!
How dare you give detention to my Goldie!
Ah, ah, ah. In Dutch!
[speaking Dutch]
She does not interrupt!
Nobody in the Bane-Hyphen-Betty Household interru--
I'm hungry!
Goldie, check in your hypoallergenic backpack
for the gluten-free snacks I made for you.
[chomps, swallows]
[burps] Needs gluten.
-[chanting] Gluten! Gluten! -[all chanting] Gluten! Gluten!
-[all gasp] -[exclaims]
[people screaming]
-Yeah! -Oh, shit.
Oh, my God, that's Bane!
Hey, bag of dicks! Tell us how to turn this shit off!
Why would I do that?
You are going to kill me anyway because you think I killed Frank.
Because you did.
Did I?
Keep watching the performance. It may be intermission,
but there is still so much to see.
-Look at this, Ive. -What?
It's backstage! Normally, you have to wait for the extras
to come out on streaming!
Wait, what is Frank do... Oh, Jesus.
He's really getting after it.
-Ugh... Did not need to see that. -Wait!
-That's-- -Lena? Fucking Lena?
So it wasn't this asshole?
Told you.
Lena killed Frank!
[stammers] Where are you going?
-To kill Lena! -But how?
I will handle that! You just save Metropolis!
Oh, my God! I feel like you got the easy part!
Come on.
Oh, Jesus!
Ooh! You startled me.
Oh.
-You know about Frank. -Yeah, I know.
Toodaloo!
Shit!
[voice echoing] Ivy!
Ivy!
Frank? Frank, is that you?
It is I, Frank!
What happened to your voice? It--
Nothing. I was just doing that to amp up the drama.
Now listen, we got a situation.
Right now, Frankette, who is technically our baby,
which is kind of creepy because you're technically my mom,
-but-- -Frank, Jesus, just get to the point.
Don't cut a dead man off.
Anyway, Frankette is about to die!
So you got to put a pause on this payback shit
and get over to that Dutch Immersion School
and stop them robits.
But don't you want me to get revenge on the bitch who killed you?
Hell, yeah, I do.
That lady stabbed me so many times, I felt like I was in an all-dildo orgy.
But this is a menage-a-triage situation.
The revenge got to wait.
Remember, it's a dish best served cold.
Like gazpacho, or vichyssoise,
or cold pizza or really any goddamn soup.
I love soup.
Oh, shit. I probably should have put another quarter in the machine.
But who carries change in the afterlife?
[echoing] Rescue Frankette!
-Avenge me! -[panting] Frank, no, don't go, please!
[sighs] Frank.
[sniffs]
[exhales] Don't worry, Frank. [sighs] I'll save her.
-[children exclaiming] -Yeah!
[children murmur uncertainly]
These robots are a threat to these young minds!
[roars]
I will not be taken down by artificial intelligence!
[grunts]
[exclaims]
[babbles]
Goldie! To my shoulders!
[roars]
[grunts] Children! Pick up your desk and throw it at the robits!
[grunts]
[laughs] Yeah!
-I can't do it. -Oh.
I'm coming for you, Frankette. [grunts]
Frankette, where are you?
Bane, where's Frankette?
[grunts]
She jumped out of my arm!
[grunts, strains]
[spits, sighs]
Oh, shit!
Oh! Smaller robots combining into a larger one!
Completely unexpected!
Children, to the muster point! Huh?
[Poison Ivy grunts]
Frankette!
[yells]
Oh, my God, you just unleashed your first vine.
-[babbles] -Ha! Where's my camera?
Ivy, on your left!
[Bane grunts]
[both grunt]
[both grutnt]
-[grunts] -[both exclaim]
[gasps]
-Got you! -[Frankette screams]
[giggles]
[exclaims] I love Dutch Immersion School!
[screeches]
[all straining]
It's okay, everything's okay, we're together.
Oh, no. Ugh!
God! Just stop this!
No, I want to let it all burn.
But I don't know how to stop it and Ivy is down there!
-Harley. -Ugh.
I see you, but no Brainiac.
Oh! You shrunk him!
[Poison Ivy screaming]
No, no, no. Lena, do something please!
Every button I press just makes it worse!
And what do I get in return?
Anything, I don't care, please just save them!
Anything, huh?
Not to worry, I will not let my city be destroyed.
-[Frankette crying] -[Poison Ivy] Oh...
I know. It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay, baby girl.
[gasps]
-[cheers] -[sighs in relief]
I knew you could do it, Harley.
Oh, you okay?
Gosh, I thought I was gonna lose you, I did.
-Oh... -Mama!
Oh!
Yeah!
And you know who saved us and the city?
That was your other mama.
Yeah.
Well, just saved Ivy for you.
So if we're gonna be even-stevens,
-I'm gonna need-- -Even-stevens?
You murdered Frank!
I had to! You and Ivy weren't taking the Brainiac threat seriously,
and I had to change that.
Brainiac wasn't the threat, you were!
Oh, really?
I'm the one who just saved Metropolis.
You don't give a shit about Metropolis!
[scoffs] Metropolis is all I give a shit about.
And now it's mine.
You are a fucking monster, Lena, and you're gonna die!
[yells]
Huh?
Ah, shit.
Oh, gosh, I'm so happy to be home
with you and Frankette.
Honey, you saved us today.
Oh, no, no, I just got lucky pushing buttons, I guess.
Well, whatever you did, it worked, and you're my hero.
Neuk.
-What is she saying? -I think that's Dutch, right?
Frankette, we don't say "neuk" in this house. We say "fuck."
Can you say-- can you say "fuck?"
-Fuck. -There you go.
Aw!
[sighs] I wish Frank could see you now.
He'd be so proud. [chuckles softly]
Fuck.
And do you know what we're gonna do once you're all better, Frankette?
We're gonna find Lena,
and we're gonna rip her a new one.
We're gonna maybe rip her a lot of new ones.
-Yes, we are. -Okay.
I have to tell you something. [clears throat]
Lena was the one who saved Metropolis.
What? Wh-- how?
Well, you were in trouble,
and I didn't know what else to do, and Lena came to Brainiac's ship,
-and so I just-- -Killed her?
Uh, well, I wanted to,
but first I asked her to help us.
You what? You asked for her help?
Yes, okay, and she said I have to give her something in return.
She... she didn't say what it is,
but I was like... Don't worry, okay?
I'll never let her take anything else from us.
-[exclaims] -[gasps]
Where did she go?
Lena.
This is all your fault.
It looks like I got you in the breakup, little one.
Why did you want her?
Oh, I don't, but they do.
And they're weak, if they're not together.
-[chuckles] -[Frankette babbles fearfully]
You know what's funny, Brainy?
[grunts]
You're this galactically brilliant entity... [grunts]
...with an unfathomable grand plan,
but in the end,
it was the lowly, old... [winces] ...messy human's plan that won.
I... [winces] ...made Harley and Ivy set out to kill you,
and they did me one better.
And now you're an itty-bitty thing
completely at my mercy.
[laughs evilly]
It is so fun to have a little toy
all to myself.
[cackles]
[theme music playing]