♪♪
C’mon, let’s keep it going, band!
Woo!
Let’s bring up the party up in here!
Let’s have some fun!
Shit. They’re covering their mouths left,
right and center. They can’t do that.
Serial offenders!
Oh... Uh oh...
It’s not me!
You tell ’em once, you could tell ’em a thousand times.
I can’t be out yet!
If I am out, I’m gonna be so mad!
So, um...
I laughed?
Don’t worry. No yellow card is gonna be given out.
Is it a red one?
- No! - Oh.
I wouldn’t say don’t worry.
There was an infraction. Two infractions, in fact.
So, eh, everybody just watch the fucking TV.
I have to pee again, is this gonna take a while?
- Yeah, probably. - Oh...
Dammit!
C’mon, let’s keep it going, band!
Ohhh.
Oh, that was close.
Oh, hand over mouth!
Covering your mouth!
When you’re trying to not laugh, you cover your mouth.
So I deserved it. I deserved it.
And so does Mae.
Um, that’s cheating!
Ohhhh!
But, but, not a yellow card.
Two minute minor, each of you!
In our... cue penalty box bit!
Oh my god, I knew there was a twist!
Of course they gotta have a hockey reference.
Each of you has a two minute minor.
You gotta sit there...
Oh.
And all of you can have your way with them.
Yay!
Wait, wait, wait, wait...
Comedy-wise!
Oh boy.
You’re in trouble!
Yeah, exactly! Exactly.
Alright, guys. Once I hit the button,
the game is back on!
Ahhh!
Oh no!
Ohhh no!
And we’re back.
Hey, you hear about, uh, Asia’s newest billionaire?
His name is, uh, Cha Ching.
Mmmm mmmm.
This guy asked me to send him
a picture of my naked boobs.
It was like bad children.
One was looking forward, the other one was looking back.
This is terrifying!
I have tears in my eyes.
I’m like, my palms are sweating.
So eventually I had to call him and say
I’m gonna have to send them one at a time.
Ohhh.
One. At. A time.
I think that was my body responding
to the extreme effort of not laughing.
I can’t explain the physical feeling.
Excruciating.
It was a little chaotic.
I was trying to do jokes but it was too rushed!
Hey, who do you think named the red delicious apple?
’Cause he only got it half right. Mealy as fuck!
It’s not an eating apple. It’s a pie apple.
Mae Martin is holding on for dear life!
Very close. Very close.
Ohhh.
It is uh, difficult.
It’s sort of like being in the comedy version of 300.
Ohhh.
I just kind of zoned out.
Oh.
Potassium. Very important.
I think I’m on mushrooms.
Yeah, I’m on mushrooms right now.
I’m in the forest.
Good vibrations!
You can’t handle the truth!
Ooh.
You can’t handle the fruit!
And then you’re back and like, I’m not on mushrooms!
Forgot my wig for the Johnny Carson bit.
Yeah.
That’s why the jokes didn’t get a laugh.
See?
Isn’t it funny?
I knew that Tom was gonna get it.
So I was just trying to avoid looking at him.
It’s just the way he moves,
and the sound of his voice.
Isn’t my wig funny?
Oh man. I defy anyone to get that
close to Tom Green and not laugh.
It’s definitely something.
Uh-oh!
Oh!
I don’t think I smiled!
Time to be the bad guy!
Not sure what happened there.
Well, well, well. Alright guys.
Uh, well, the TV will do the heavy lifting here.
And uh, Mae, you probably wanna watch this one.
Oh-ho-ho!
I think I do know what you mean!
I do know the moment you’re talking about!
Isn’t my wig funny? Isn’t it funny?
I did laugh!
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Again, so that’s a yellow! I’m sorry.
That’s fair. That’s fair. That’s fair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That’s a fair yellow. That’s a fair yellow.
Don’t get too comfortable.
Don’t get too fucking comfortable.
You kids better be careful!
Woo! Yeah!
Mae joins Debra and Caroline all with yellows.
One more crack up from one of them
and they’re gone-zo!
Charge!
When I was in the penalty box,
a kind of existential crisis set in.
What is comedy?
What is life?
Who am I?
Like, why are any of us here...
on the earth?
What’s our purpose?
You know what I mean?
There’s nowhere that I’m safe.
I’m not safe here.
I hate to say it, but Mae Martin fans,
brace for disappointment.
Does no one appreciate that you
- can see my panty hose? - Yes!
I thought that we were all going to be character-y
and do some kind of attempt!
The boobs are real though!
The boobs are real!
What do you make of Caroline’s look?
Um... I don’t know, I’m not really one to really kind
of... sort of...
I wouldn’t even know what to say, actually.
Yeah. What do you mean?
How would you... eh... how would you describe it?
I’m not sure what you’re getting at.
I am dressed, like in full character
and everyone else is all in normal clothes.
Right. It’s a little confusing.
We’re all Canadian so we’re too polite to be like...
What the fuck are you wearing, Caroline?
When’s the last time you shit yourself?
Oh, last year.
Ah! That’s recent!
Coming home from a farmer’s market.
We were driving home and then...
uh... three blocks from my house,
we turned a corner and we hit a bump.
And I just shit my pants.
Oh, wow.
Horrible.
So I was like, I’m gonna pull up to the front of the building.
You run inside. I’ll park the car by myself.
Right. It’s already happened.
I can’t suck it back in.
Mmmm.
You can tell when you almost got Jon.
Mmm hmm.
Just start audibly agreeing with you.
Mm hmm.
That was his technique, to...
to mask the laughter.
Just go mmm hmm, mmm hmmm.
- Mmm hmm. - Mmm hmmm.
Mmm hmm.
Mmm, hmmm. Mmm, hmmm. Mmm, hmmm.
Mmm. Hmmmm! Mmmmmm.
The first time I shit myself as an adult,
I was shit-faced hammered.
- Oh yeah, yeah, obviously. - Completely drunk.
That’s when you’re supposed to shit yourself.
Yeah... probably a little...
I misjudged a fart.
Mmm. Mmmmmm.
Don’t put too much faith into a fart.
Don’t... mmmm...
Wiser words have never been spoken.
Good talk man. Good.
I’ll be honest. That many shit jokes
is a cause for concern.
You should probably get that checked out there, Trevor.
Hey, everyone. We made an hour!
Well done. Well done everyone!
Captivating television, everybody!
Can you juggle? Can you?
That’s no, so you can’t.
- That’s good! - Alright. Good answer.
I had a comic when I first started doing comedy told
me if I couldn’t juggle, I’d ever make it in this business.
Same!
Do you have a street joke that you tell
to, like, when you like, go in for customs
and you say you’re a comedian?
Those guys are ready to laugh.
What do you tell them?
I’m only half-Italian.
Unfortunately for me, it is the hairy half.
Um, the only thing I inherited
from my father was his eyebrow, singular.
Yeah, if I do not wax my eyebrow, every 48 hours,
it will grow right into my hairline.
I could have bangs like that.
When customs asked me to tell a joke,
I said, "Hey! How about this?
Why don’t you throw me in a holding cell?"
Mmmm.
Fair play. I tell jokes for a living.
I hope those are not your nipples...
Do you have a joke that you can share?
I once fell into an upholstery machine...
I’m fully recovered now!
Stupid, fucking...
Listen to me. That’s not funny.
I’m gonna punch you.
I know I’m a laugher...
but I didn’t realize how much I laugh all the time.
And everyone is funny.
It’s really hard to keep a straight face.
I’m in trouble. I’m in trouble.
Ok, a man goes to the doctor,
and he says "I feel terrible.
My wife is going deaf.
And so, he says listen, there’s a very easy test.
You go home..."
What was that?
What is that now?
Is that you having an orgasm?
You know, Mae has almost smiled many times.
Mae is about to fucking break again.
Hooked into the system here.
I had this iPad with sound effects on it
that I thought was gonna be a real hit.
And it just bombed.
Hmmm, tough crowd. Tough crowd.
- Tough crowd. - Mmm.
- Is this thing on? - Yeah.
Agh.
Did you have like an end point for this?
I hadn’t.
Should I do it again?
I think so!
Oh my God!
Caroline Rhea, like, you just wanna throw
whatever you can at her.
I’d like to team up on...
You’d like to team up on who?
No, nevermind!
No one. No one.
Oh. Well maybe not speaking into the microphone
when you’re making an evil plan.
I am in the middle of a joke!
Are you still telling the deaf joke?
If you don’t tell me the end of that joke...
I really wanna hear the end of this joke.
I was trying!
He goes in, he says to his wife...
Wait a minute, hold on.
- Hold on. - Stop it!
I forgot what was wrong with her.
- Deaf. - Deaf.
- Okay. - Ok, she’s deaf.
He goes home and says, "Honey, what’s for dinner?"
Who gave this advice?
You know what? This isn’t gonna help.
If I don’t know the set up,
I won’t understand the joke...
Dave Foley. Shit disturber at large.
Geez!
I was trying to do my joke again,
attempting to get them.
It’s not working.
Oh my God.
Man goes to the doctor because his wife is
going deaf and he doesn’t know how deal with it...
- Exactly. - Doctor says "Go home.
"Speak to her until you can finally
see how deaf she really is."
He goes in. "Honey, what’s for dinner?" No response.
He walks ten feet closer.
"Honey, something smells delicious.
What’s for dinner?" No response.
He’s getting a little panicky.
He gets a little bit closer. He yells.
"Honey, I’m so hungry!"
Nothing, he gets right up in her face and says,
"Honey, what’s for dinner?"
And she says, "For the fifth time, chicken!"
Oh, so he was the one.
Mmmm.
- Okay. - Not funny.
Okay.
I honestly can’t tell if this is going well or not.
But I hope it doesn’t stop.
That’s like a Twilight Zone episode.
Not one of the better ones.
This is like doing...
a re-enactment of my last relationship.
No laughing, no smiling. No joy.
Waiting for somebody to die so you can get money.
- Hello? - Hello?
What’s up? How’s it going in there?
Oh man.
You know I’m sweating. I’m drenched in sweat.
Yeah, I can fucking see that.
You’ve been fucking teetering on the edge.
I know. I had tears in my eyes.
Could I get um... could I get my foods?
Lemme see if I can take care of that for ya.
Okay, thanks man.
Alright, see ya!
- Buh bye. - Bye.
So I have all of these iconic British foods...
that are absolutely revolting.
Like a chocolate covered scotch egg and like, tripe.
I’m feeling unbelievably tense.
I’m scared.
Are you guys eh, hungry?
Yeah!
Finally! A magic act!
You guys know that I live in England?
- Yeah! - Yeah!
So I actually brought some stuff from England.
- Oh sweet. - Yay!
It’s nearly lunch so... okay.
There’s a blood pudding pop right there for you, Tom.
Is this real, though?
Thank you so very much.
Holy fuck.
You shouldn’t have. No, really.
You shouldn’t have.
Is it real?
No, really. You shouldn’t have.
Um...
It’s actually frozen blood pudding.
Wow, blood pudding pop.
They’re like diarrhea pops.
It smells like a scab.
Oh God.
Sconehenge? Sconehenge.
Great. That’s great.
Sconehenge! I love wordplay!
Funny, that’s funny.
Oh, this is all wordplay, so...
I love it!
I would be laughing if I was allowed to laugh at you.
Thanks, Deb.
Ohhhh.
Try Sconehenge?
Oh! Wait, cause it looks like it!
- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It’s, um, it’s wordplay.
Really it looks like it. You change a letter. Got it!
Mae was doing something that
we in the comedy business call "bailing".
You can see the wind go out of their sails
as they were wheeling the trolley out.
Watching a comedian just completely bail.
That makes me laugh.
Mushy pea smoothie! You remember that?
Mushy pea smoothie?
Mushy pea smoothie for you, Dave?
Gonna throw up just on principle.
Thank you.
This is really killing.
I think what was bleak about the British food was
knowing at that point...
wordplay is not gonna get any of these people.
It’s just so hard to keep the faith
and to keep the confidence, when you’re looking at
the faces of your heroes completely blank.
That’ll haunt me forever.
Oh, this is actually pretty good.
Buckingham Fallace?
What’s that one? Buckingham Fallace!
I’m gonna go next. I can tell.
It’s eye contact I can’t do!
Of all the things.
You shouldn’t stand with your mouth open
in front of that.
Just to say, eh?
Caroline and Mae, very high brow,
and both teetering on the edge of laughter.
Well, that went really well!
How can you even tell?
How can you tell?
We got a terlet. No back up TP.
Gonna be a problem.
♪ I’m so grateful for my ♪
♪ Weak bladder right now ♪
Oh no! Well alright, the shower it is.
If any of you watching the show
have met anyone over fifty,
we pee a lot more than you do.
Does anyone know when the custodians
come for the bathroom?
No, I don’t.
’Cause it’s already starting to turn into
like a Coachella outhouse.
He just got out of the bathroom.
Uh oh! That’s a big, toothy smile.
Ohhhh. Uh oh.
I don’t know.
Houston, we have a laugher!
Oh boy...
Um, alright.
In the early ’80s, Saddam Hussein purged the Baath party
of all of those he found to be disloyal.
They all sat there, sweating, as he pulled them out of the
audience one by one.
Each person didn’t know if their name would be called next
because Saddam was crazy.
Anyway, watch this.
Very funny lead in, by the way.
Does anyone know when the custodians
come for the bathroom?
No, I don’t.
It’s already starting to turn into, like,
a Coachella outhouse.
He just got out of the bathroom.
Oh, I see.
You broke Dave! You know the rules.
So, that counts as a yellow, buddy.
That’s one infraction against you.
Alright.
With Dave, I was like, I don’t know how to get you.
And then, he broke himself. Oh damn!
Well, that was a relief! Oh!
Well done.
Woo!
Let’s get it!
Dave Foley with the yellow card. So that’s four comedians
on the brink of getting the boot.
We really need a broom.
We do need a broom.
Be Careful.
How are you doing?
I don’t know. I think I’m okay.
What’s that?
I feel something’s happening.
Something’s happening here.
Whoa!
What the fuck? Holy shit!
NHL star P.K. Subban in the house!
Oh, it’s like, okay. What is this?
P.K. comes in, ’cause who’s funnier than a hockey player?
Don’t mind me, guys! I’m just watching.
Pernell-Karl Subban, ladies and gentlemen.
76, the one and only.
My one and only.
Welcome! Welcome to the gang.
P.K.’s in the room. What the hell?
You’re just gonna hang out?
Just gonna hang out. Chill.
Wicked slapshot, by the way.
He plays sports.
Look at them all, gathered around.
It’s very cute.
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Jon Lajoie!
No, no, that’s uh... that’s Jon Lajoie.
No, just go with it. Go with it.
I’m Jon La... Yes.
Yes. Yes.
Jon Lajoie!
Hi!
Hey! Dave Foley! Oh my God!
Thank you!
I’ve aged quite a bit in the last few years.
I like that shirt!
Oh, thank you!
Not really, but it’s decent.
- You know what? - It works for you!
I’m fine with decent!
What, what is this even?
Where’s the, uh, washroom around here?
Um, just go anywhere.
Honestly, that’s what I’ve been doing.
I gotta piss.
Okay, alright.
All of a sudden, he’s just like saying
that he had to go to the bathroom.
So obviously, I told him that he can go in the fridge.
He decided to go with the bottle.
- Yeah... - Just, I gotta go.
Okay. Oh boy. Oh boy.
I just gotta go pee so... just hang on a sec here.
Oh, okay. Okay!
What the fuck are you doing?
Oh my God!
P.K. taking a pee-pee in a bottle.
Normal day at the office.
I’m not gonna be that long!
Weird choice, but at least it was a number one.
Am I for real watching P.K. Subban pee into a bottle?
- Yeah. - Sorry.
I got a little bit of stage fright here.
Oh man. Mortified.
And I’m not even in there.
I don’t have my glasses on.
P.K. Subban.
He’s gonna be in the hall of fame someday.
But one thing that P.K. Subban cannot do
is get a laugh with his ass.
Sorry about that. False alarm, guys.
You have a very nice butt.
I’m sure if I devoted my life to, to,
being physically fit, I’d have a nice butt, too.
So there, P.K. If you wanna get a
laugh on your ass, stop working out.
Alright guys. Nice meeting ya!
Thank you, man. Good to see ya man!
You don’t wanna shake my hand? Okay.
Yeah, I get that.
Yeah, you probably wanna do that.
Thank you for your time.
Alright!
What happened to family entertainment?
Jay!
Aww... How’s it going buddy!
It’s good to see you, bud!
Likewise!
- This is awesome! - Fuck, man!
I think that was a little bit of a curveball for ’em.
It was a lot of a curveball!
Did you get a good ass shot?
Did you see my ass?
Of course. Everybody did. All of Canada will.
Great! Yes. I’m gonna head out.
Okay, try to keep your pants on...
We are playing for these amazing charities.
But I thought, could I use that as a part of my comedy?
I got these photos done up.
Maybe this will work.
Who’s the kid with penis arms?
Yeah, that’s Pete.
He’s, uh, he found his mom’s dildo in a drawer
and the dildo fluids got into a cut he had
and then next thing you know, his arms became giant dildos.
So I’m playing for Pete and an entire
generation of dildo arm kids.
Yup. Yeah, he has dildos.
Once they hit college, people love them.
But before, there’s a stigma against dildo arms.
I’m gonna be honest, I’d be more likely
to believe that he was born with dick arms
than that he acquired the dick arms.
No, no, no. That’s the surprising thing.
Hey man, if you’re willing to get out of the game,
let this dildo arms kid have a chance, man.
You gotta give him a chance!
Well, you know I love kids with dicks for arms.
Yeah.
Uh oh!
Dildo arms will fuckin’ get you every time.
Hoo hoo.
You alright?
I am hanging in there.
You’re making grilled cheese?
Making some grilled cheese if anyone wants one. You want one?
- Yeah, I do actually. Yeah. - Sure.
Are you making grilled cheese sandwiches?
Yeah I am. Eh, would you like one?
- I would like one please. - Oh my God, yeah!
Is there the remains of one testicle
in this sandwich?
Uh, nope. Nope.
I’ve only got one left. I’m not using it for this.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
So you have one testicle?
I do. I had cancer!
Oh, you did!
It was from cancer!
Hey.
I’m so disgusted with myself
at how attractive I find Tom Green.
See, I get it, though.
I like that look. I always go for that look.
- He’s adorable. - Long hair and beard. He’s tall.
He’s weird. What’s not to like?
This is ever a delicious cheese sandwich.
Tom Green is secretly hot.
He’s like a subtle, hilarious, brilliant little genius.
Like that was unexpected.
Who wants someone boring and normal?
Mmm hmm, and this again, the one testicle helps.
I don’t need a lot down there.
Do you know what I mean? In terms of testicles.
- How would anyone know? - No one would ever know.
How would anyone know? Aren’t they a set?
Don’t they live in the same bunk bed?
Don’t they? I thought they did. Don’t they?
We didn’t listen during gym class.
And he cooks?
I want a sandwich before I’m ejected.
Care for a grilled cheese?
- Thanks! - There you go.
Care for a grilled cheese?
Yeah, I do! That’s hot, though!
Take the plate if you’d like.
Just thought people might be getting a little hungry.
It’s a delicious cheese sandwich.
A delicious cheese sandwich.
Isn’t that delicious?
Isn’t that a delicious cheese sandwich?
Tom Green.
It’s like he’s adding syllables into words.
Delicious cheese sandwiches.
Isn’t that a delicious cheese sandwich?
And the repetition. Oh my God.
A delicious cheese sandwich.
Yeah.
Thanks man.
It is a game and the goal is to make people laugh.
So when I saw that I was maybe making some progress
with the delicious cheese sandwich thing,
I... I did kinda go in on Mae pretty hard with
the delicious cheese sandwiches thing.
Mae. Tell everyone.
How was my delicious cheese sandwich?
Mae tried it.
I made delicious cheese sandwiches.
They are delicious.
Mae had one. Correct, Mae?
Mae had a delicious cheese sandwich.
Maybe say it again. It’s working.
The bit’s got legs.
Mae likes my cheese sandwiches.
Are they delicious cheese sandwiches?
They are delicious.
They are made out of delicious cheese.
They are delicious cheese sandwiches.
Mae.
It’s not funny and you’re fine.
Think of awful stuff.
I will make some more.
Mae, I’m gonna make some more.
I can’t. I think you should stop.
Should I stop making them?
I would happily eat
a delicious cheese sandwich if you’re making them.
Oh no.
Okay, Trevor, would you like a
- delicious cheese sandwich? - No, no, no, no, no, no.
I would like a delicious cheese sandwich.
Mae, very good.
Very good poker face, Mae Martin.
Can I tell you something funny?
What?
When I was on...
Sabrina?
- When I was on Sabrina. - Yes.
They had a puzzle made of the three of us.
Oh damn! Uh oh.
And my double chin was a separate piece of the puzzle.
Oh my God. Oh my God. Shut up.
Oh shit! Almost laughed.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
You’re too much. You’re too much.
Ms. Caroline, she’s so funny.
She looks you in the eye and she’s trying to like,
analyze you and figure out what’s making you laugh.
She was working her magic on me.
What about this?
Oh shit, here we go. Caroline going in for the kill.
Brandon could be toast.
How much will this freak out Mae?
Freak out Mae?
If I go in like...
Oh my God!
Uh oh! Uh oh!
Okay, what happened?
What’s it gonna be?
Yellow card? Red card?
Oh! They woke the band!
Wow! Smells like grilled cheese!
Yeah, so without further ado, just watch the friggin’ TV.
What about this?
How much will this freak out Mae?
Freak out Mae? Yeah.
If I go in like...
Uh oh.
That, ladies and gentlemen...
- I’m gone. - First red card of the game!
I’m so furious!
Me going ’ha’, got me off the show!
My God!
That’s a...
I get to be with Jay so I’m so happy!
Honourable, noble way to go out.
That’s a good reason to get eliminated.
You know what, it is.
I laughed at my own joke.
Awww.
Thank you, it’s been a pleasure.
Caroline. Caroline.
So amazing.
Bye Caroline!
Bye everybody!
- Bye! - Bye!
Stay strong, Deb!
- How do you feel? - Thank God!
Thank God!
Somebody’s gotta be the first.
Come sit with me here.
I get a special chair?
It’s okay.
I wanted something else to regret in my life.
That’s why I did this show.
Caroline is the first eliminated!
Her consolation prize? Me!
Welcome. So you corpsed, eh?
You know why? Because women are generous
and men are like, "I’m not laughing, no way!"
Yeah. I’m not gonna touch that one.
It’s the truth!
- You wanna hit the green? - And do what?
Just, just hit the green button.
Okay, we’re back!
- Oh... - Oh.
Oh, here we go. Yeah!
Should we play the blues?
I guess it was a matter of time before
this turned into hippie jam!
Hey, check out our song.
Everyone, check out our song.
That Mae and I wrote, okay?
It goes like this.
♪ Delicious, cheese sandwiches ♪
Oh, I see! It’s a whole theme, still!
♪ Delicious, cheese sandwiches ♪
Deb is gonna be our next person sitting here.
♪ I like Cheese sandwiches ♪
- ♪ Delicious ♪ - ♪ Delicious ♪
- ♪ Cheese sandwiches ♪ - ♪ Cheese sandwiches ♪
♪ I like them ♪
Mae...
- ♪ Cheese sandwiches ♪ - ♪ Cheese sandwiches ♪
♪ I like delicious cheese sandwiches ♪
They’re great.
♪ I like delicious, cheese sandwiches ♪
A lot of smirky fucking people in there.
♪ I like delicious, cheese sandwiches ♪
Oh, that’s a laugh.
Oh yeah.
Oh, what? What?
Uh oh!
I don’t think my guitar was in tune!
Dropping like flies!
Hi Jay!
Somebody laughed! That means you’re fucking out.
Oh God, here we go.
Think unhappy thoughts.
The only way I could keep from laughing...
was chew on my own lips.
Rub that chub. Rub that chub. Boom!
- Yeah. - Boom!
You might have found my kryptonite.
There’s another one!
Wah... uh oh. Uh oh.
What’s it gonna be?
One of you lost your shit.
But we’ve managed to find it.
Excuse me.
♪♪