Hey, Paul. Will we go feed the donkey?
- Yeah. Show me how. - Come on.
Go feed the donkey.
Yeah, yeah. Go. Go do it. Yeah. Give Paul an apple. Go on, play up.
Feed Dermot. Okay, I'm scared.
Can you show me?
Go on. Go on.
Go on, Paul. Go on, Paul.
Hold it, ya gouger.
You owe me a fiver.
Jesus. That donkey's having a conniption.
Oh, shit. Look at this.
Come over here and give us a kiss.
Oh, my God. That donkey's talking.
No way. Oh, my God. Is the donkey talking?
The donkey's moving.
Dermot Hee Haw is moving.
Tylak. How's your gee for a rasher?
The donkey's alive.
Yeah. I respected Dermot.
I felt like Dermot was my people.
Woof. Woof.
Meow. Me hoof!
So, I was just looking at him going,
okay, he's going to get one of us by saying something absolutely horrific.
It sounds like the guy from the Brennan's Bread ad.
Old Mister Brennan rode me Ma sideways
on Dollymount Strand.
He's intense, man.
Dermot's the only guy in there who I really felt got my energy,
like a little bit of aggression, a little bit of hunger.
Felt like a bit of an ass.
There's been a mistake.
I said I wanted to be hung like a stallion.
Hee haw, hee haw. Moo!
Uh, I was nearly gone.
I thought I was gone. In my head, I was gone.
- I'm scared of him now. - I'm scared of him, too. Don't leave me.
Come over here the lot of you.
Will you stop following me? It's very stalker-y.
Men and women can be friends, Paul. I don't have to be obsessed with you.
- We could be friends. - She keeps following me around.
Well, Catherine's really obeying the mission.
I'm just trying to be nice.
I love you in Shrek.
I loved you in Home Alone.
Thank you.
Oh, it's Catherine.
Hi, Catherine.
What the hell kind of mission is this?
You can take out your earpiece. You can stop listening to it.
When did you stop caring?
About, ooh, five and a half hours ago.
Me, too. Me, too. You have a lovely evening, sir.
- Bye. - Bye.
What the fuck?
He likes that.
Aisling, Aisling, higher, higher.
Oh, Aisling, higher, higher.
Hee haw! Hee haw! Oh. Oh!
Oh, my God.
Higher, higher. Hee haw!
- Wow. - Whoa.
I don't know if I could encourage that.
Very good detail. Flicking their fingers.
That's why they pay her the big bucks.
That was A1, Aisling.
You had a powerful effect on that horse.
I do on donkeys, but unfortunately not on men.
Jesus. Has anyone got a carrot?
Guys, can anyone do anything weird with their bodies?
Can anyone do this with their elbows?
Oh, my God. Are we... are we down to that?
We're down to that.
Can anyone do this?
- Oh my God. - Jesus.
I get it.
I'm not sure I'm going to laugh at your funny, weird arm.
Have you felt my shoulder?
It goes all weird.
Can anyone do this with their boobs?
Hiya.
- Oh! - Oh.
- Amy's got tits. - Okay, good.
Ah, now that... Ah!
- Now we know where we are. - We know where we are now, lads. Okay.
Can anyone say...
Listen, be really, really, really, really quiet.
- Look. - Hiya.
Can anyone do that with their boob? Listen.
Hiya.
Amy's very unpredictable. She's not what you expect, you know.
Amy presents as very sweet and the nation's princess.
Hiya.
Yeah. Amy's disastrous for me.
Are they talking?
- Her boobs are talking. - Boobs are saying, "Hiya."
Hiya.
- Do it again. - Do you like that?
- Hiya. - Hiya.
My God.
Hiya.
There's just something about boobs that is just mesmerising.
Does anyone want to motorboat?
I'm sorry. I have to leave. This is too much. I need to leave.
- Where are you going? - I'm not in a safe place.
- My boundaries are being crossed. - How do you mean?
- What d'you mean? - I don't like it.
- It is friendly though, isn't it? - Hiya.
Amy Huberman. What a dark horse.
I think this might work.
Let me change it
Usually when people play the idiot, they're actually really smart,
but Jason plays the idiot because he actually is.
Put it onto something like "easy listening".
Easy listening.
I'd love a weather update.
Yeah.
Women's Hour.
Yeah, Women's Hour.
It's very nice to do the house up lovely,
I'm so proud of it.
And I wish my husband
- could give me more babies. - Wow, wow, wow.
Do you know what this is?
Can... celled.
Cancelled.
- It's been a lovely career. - But I'm only doing the history.
It's time to go.
You've had a good career, but it's time to say goodbye.
Is Dave doing makeup comedy to himself?
- No, I'm putting on my fucking makeup. - For what? For your bit?
I'm putting on my makeup, you know, to help middle-aged men
become more attractive to the women that they're attracted to.
The idea was that, you know, put makeup on me,
you know, put makeup on me, as a middle-aged man,
to try and make myself look, er, better.
I'm putting on the foundation. I'm following the contours of my face.
The boobs were insane.
Every time I looked over it was just Amy Huberman with her knockers out.
Just, wow.
I think she is enjoying these boobs, isn't she?
Yeah, I think so.
It's quite freeing to walk around with some fake boobs
and torment people. It's like another set of eyes.
Oh, it's like that Janet Jackson picture.
Do you remember that one, like, where it's like...
You're JT. And I'm Janet J.
He looks like he's going subtle on it.
He does look like he's just going to look a bit better.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God.
I can see this picture in VIP Magazine.
Yeah.
Who are we? Who are we?
One, two, three. Oh, my bad.
Thelma and Louise?
No.
A musical act that played at the Super Bowl.
So obviously when you try this at home, guys, take your time.
- It might be funny when he turns round. - I don't think so.
I don't think it'll...
Yeah. "No, Graham. No. No, that won't happen."
There you go, folks.
Go again.
Oh, my bad.
- Oh, no way. - It's Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake.
What was that called? A mal... malfunction?
Mammary malfunction or something.
Mammary-fulction.
Obviously, I looked grotesque,
but I tried to do it as good as I could.
So in terms of calorie intake, er, Dave McSavage...
he's been eating softly throughout.
Just grazing.
Would you have a bit of butter? Would you have a bit of bread?
- Hiya. - What'd you say, Deirdre?
Nothing. I didn't say anything.
I was going to make a comment about the butter on your bread.
And I changed my mind. Didn't want to make it.
Have another go then.
- Say it again. - I'll have another go in a minute.
I'm just going to get it straight in my head.
Well, I saw him nearly go.
I tried to get him then. I actually tried. I went at him.
It's getting hard now.
David and I were circling each other like sharks.
Would you put a bit of bread on your butter?
That's what I was going to say to him.
It was like we were doing a tango.
We literally walked around each other like that with the side eye.
Put a bit of bread on your butter there, David.
Just Deirdre. She seems so nice,
but she's really intentional and she really wanted to get me.
And that was killing me.
- Come on now. - Mary Robinson would say to you,
"Deirdre's actually saying the exact opposite to what she means."
That's right.
She's set it up to look like...
Would you put a bit of butter on your bread?
- That's right. That's right. - Because it's so laden.
It's so... it's so laden with butter.
We were just trying to figure out how
to get each other without getting too close.
So you underplayed it. You took us down the garden path.
It's just the juxtaposition is complicated.
I tried my best to pursue David with that. I really did.
Double bass, double bass, double bass.
We had a lot of laughs, a lot of light-heartedness,
and I thought, this needs a bit of culture.
Oh, my God, it's a show.
Thank, God.
Oh, okay. What's happening?
Oh, Martin.
Hooray.
Oh, my God. It's Martin with his double bass.
How could we forget he came in with a fucking double bass?
Bit of music. Bit of culture.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Anyone who walks in with a giant instrument
is trouble as far as I'm concerned.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Look at the size of his bass.
He doesn't play that for real, does he?
He lugged it all the way here. Like one of those sad children on the bus.
So, basically before I did comedy, I was like a classically trained musician.
Nerd!
This is exciting now, isn't it?
Yeah.
Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Come on, Martin.
Okay.
That would get me.
That is the point when Amy Huberman was sitting beside me with her fake boobs,
twirling her nipples at me going, "Do you like what you see there?"
Oh!
This could get Paul. This is right up Paul's street though, isn't it?
Deirdre's face.
Actually, I'm going to just disengage. I need this to end.
- Where did the smoke come from? - Wow.
- What the...? - Oh!
It's over now, isn't it?
Fucking hell.
Ah! Oh, no.
Oh!
Oh, no. Are you okay?
Whoa. Are you okay?
If you'd landed here, I could have cushioned that.
You okay, buddy?
You know if Dave McSavage is saying to you, "Are you okay, buddy?"
- You're completely fucked, aren't you? - Yeah. Yeah, you're fucked, yeah.
He's had a full-on accident, and nobody's helping him.
Don't help him. He'll feel ashamed.
- Oh, my God. Martin. - Martin!
The curtain, slowly...
Nothing to see here.
I don't know. I thought the fall might get someone.
I don't think I got a laugh. I think I got pity.
He made that double bass squirt anyway.
That's no mean feat.
Oh, my God. Brilliant.
Oh, a Fez.
He's going to do Tommy Cooper, is he?
Go up on the stage and pretend you're...
- Will I try that? - Yeah.
I try and do… I try and do Tommy Cooper.
Oh yeah. Actually, could you just hand me these?
You almost have to create a different person,
like, a different character who doesn't like things.
I have an assistant.
She's going to hand me a couple of words.
Why has Tommy Cooper got an Irish accent?
Well, I can't do him, can I?
Dave, could you float in the background while we do this?
I actually was gone a bit delirious because we've already,
psychologically, we've all lost the biccie in there.
I'm the Irish weather. Where's the sun?
I was gone.
Where is the sun?
- No, I'm hiding the sun. - No.
- Did you write these words? - No.
- Okay. - All right.
First word, "bumfluff".
"Bumfluff".
What's the game?
We're just saying words. We're saying words.
There's no game. They're saying words.
Can you put wine in a cocktail?
I can't tell if I've lost my mind or if that's actually happening.
I've gone mad, and I've been in a mental hospital before, you know,
but at least there it feels like everyone's trying to make you feel better.
"Hope."
Hoo-hoo!
"Hope."
Another word. Another word. "Spongebob."
They're all going a bit stir-crazy.
I know. I know.
I'm all over the place. I don't know what's going to happen.
At one stage I thought I actually laughed out loud, but I was so fucking...
I was so, you know, deep inside the whole thing that I hadn't.
I kept actually doing stuff, so I'd be too busy to laugh.
I literally... broke everything there.
Yeah, yeah. Look, what about this? Look, one sec. Look.
Okay, come on.
Fuck.
Oh, my God!
That was the only water we had, David.
I know. I'm just trying to, you know, just...
- Anything. Anything. - Get fucking moving here a little bit.
Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow. Apparently, that hair was carefully coiffed.
Dave has now lost it.
If we go through a certain point and you break that,
then you become delirious!
My doctor said this to me about my heart, right? This is a real story.
"If you are going to have sex, run up and down the stairs three times."
Jesus, can you picture yourself lying on the bed?
“Oh, please make it up and down the stairs three times."
Oh! There we go.
That was a laugh.
Here we go.
Oh, Christ!
Oh, no!
I'm running. That's how keen I am.
Oh, yeah. I can't be stopped.
Hello, everybody.
Hi. Hi. Hi.
Right. What was the red light for?
Well, we're about to find out who found something funny.
My doctor says if you are going to have sex,
run up and down the stairs three times.
Can you picture yourself lying on the bed?
"Oh, please make it up and down the stairs three times."
Oh, shite! No!
There she goes.
And literally, uh, there you go.
There she goes.
Amy, that did look like you're trying to suppress it. Yeah.
That was harsh.
I know, harsh. But nothing gets past us now, I tell you.
Graham, what do you want to say to the girls, Amy and the girls?
There's a seat for you next door with your name on it.
Here come the girls!
So I must've just literally been enjoying their silly stories.
Silly, funny stories. God damn them.
Uh, you say your goodbyes, I'll see you and the girls in a minute.
All right, good luck, everyone.
So, Amy is the next to earn herself a red card,
and I have the privilege of being joined by Hubes and her boobs
in my lovely host room.
We'll miss you. We'll miss all three of you.
- Bye! Bye! - Bye-bye!
Goodbye, guys. I'll miss you. Oh!
It's sad to see the back of her. I preferred to see the front of her.
- I know you do, Paul. - That was very harsh.
Amy Huberman. Hello, darling.
Come in and sit beside me.
- Hi, guys. - Hi.
You've missed each other. It's been so long.
- I missed you guys. - It's been so long.
Hiya.
I thought they were... I didn't realise they were soft.
- Have a seat, have a seat. - Thank you.
Where did you get them?
Um... Oh, I've had them for years.
No.
How are you guys in here?
Can I just say, the production stills will go viral.
"Is that Amy Huberman?"
I really will miss Amy.
I feel like she was someone we all really liked.
You did so well in there. You did really well in there.
I don't remember doing that little fecking laugh.
- It's hardcore, isn't it? - Well, it is now.
Do you want the pleasure of hitting the green button to start them off again?
- You just slap, slam your hand on that. - Okay.
- Here she goes. - Ready? Steady...
Oh, fuck. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is.
Should we try and get Paul?
Like, he hasn't giggled once.
And what is a man without a giggle?
Okay, what fucking makes the fucker laugh?
I don't know!
God almighty. That's Mean Girl behaviour right there.
Get on board, Deirdre.
Oh, my God. Excuse me.
It's little Annie. Orphan Annie.
- Ah, Annie. - How's it going? All right?
Oh, my God. Here's how I feel when I see you, Paul.
Crouchy? You feel crouchy?
Oh yeah. You feel farty.
I can see and hear the farts now.
No. Hang on. Think it's a...
Hey, Paul, did you dye...
Paul, did you dye your hair red and curly so we could be friends?
Yeah.
Paul's a hard nut to crack.
I think the only person who had a hope of cracking up Paul was Paul,
and he's too strong for that.
- Unbelievable. - Yeah.
Right. Here. We're going to do a bit of dancing.
I'll do some music. Okay. Come on, Paul, come up with a song.
- Get a good beat going. - Okay. Here we go.
Oh, my God.
They're good moves. I mean, come on now.
Now, here's the thing. I think they look hungry,
so I don't know whether you'll be sorry or glad
- you're in here for this. - Okay. Okay.
So I've got a delicious, delicious, treat for them. So bring in the table.
- Oh. - Ooh.
Oh, Christ. Here comes something.
What?
Food?
- Whoa. - Food.
Here it comes.
- Oh, God. - Wow.
Wow.
I'm worried about who's under there.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God. Martin looks like he's going to break at the concept of it.
Woo!
Well, there's someone in there.
What, d'you think?
Wow. Your knowledge of stagecraft is extraordinary, Tony.
Was it the air holes gave it away?
This is going to be something funny.
- That'll be the phone. - You get it, Catherine.
We can get it together.
You get it. You get it.
- Hello? - Are you not starving?
I'd say there's something delicious under those cloches.
I'd uncover them if I was you.
- Oh, God. Okay. - Oh, interesting.
Graham says that if he were us,
he would uncover them.
Isn't there something delicious under here?
Okay, go on, Catherine. Do it together.
Do it. Do it. Do it!
Jexy, it seems to work!
Planet Jedward!
Oh, my God!
What?!
Jedward!
He's John. I'm Edward.
Hi, Jedward.
This is the feast. So, guys, who's going to come and toss my salad?
Wow!
I'll do it.
I really am hungry. They've had us back there a while.
Jason, can you feed me some of that nice pastrami?
It was hard not to smile at them because they're like puppies.
D'you know what I mean? You want to be, "Oh, look at you."
I think this doughnut might be good for you.
- Oh, delicious. - Oh, my God. This is perfect.
We've literally been in here for 24 hours. They wouldn't let us out.
- Really? - Oh, my God.
Deirdre, you're looking younger by the day.
- I'm paying for that. - You're looking great.
I love the way you're actually wearing matching tops as well.
They're not matching.
You can feed me a strawberry, but like in a jexy way.
This is nice. This is nice.
I can't believe David's taking the makeup off.
I don't want to humiliate myself in front of Jedward.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that Jedward are here.
I must maintain dignity in front of Ireland's most famous twins.
Oh, Jedward. To me, they're like kind of art installations.
You can't be critical of them.
Aisling, don't they look like every girlfriend I've ever had?
Do you know what? Not far off.
No, really, truly my type.
Do Jedward have a safe word to get out of there?
I think they can get out.
- Let's get out of here. - What? No, don't go!
It's time for us to come out of the box.
Let them out. Let them out. Come on, boys.
- Release the twins. - Bring them in here.
- Yeah! - No.
Come on. Try and do a dance with us.
Okay, guys, I need to have a stretch...
Come on. A new stand-up comedian.
Like, no room can be busier than their minds.
He's got our hair now, look at him.
Yeah. He's getting more volume by the day.
- They've lovely skin, Jedward, don't they? - Yeah.
They're gorgeous. Aren't they beautiful? They're ageless.
We're 31 now. We're 31.
Jedward are 31?!
It is weird, like,
are we going to be on a reality show in ten years
seeing 40-year-old Jedwards?
You're going to need a bit of a push on that.
Oh, geez. This is actually a lot harder than it looks.
Be careful, John or Edward.
- Hey. - Hey, Daddy, what's up?
How are you doing?
Oh, fantastic. It's very disorientating in here. There's a lot of, uh... voices.
I'm so sorry about that.
Yes.
Go, go, go. Come on. You're not getting away with that.
All right. Adios.
What the fuck?!
Argh!
Okay.
Jesus!
Someone's out. Oh, my God.
Did someone go?
Here we go. Hi, everybody.
Right. Let's see who is out of here.
This is a strict one.
It's gonna be something funny.
Oh dear.
If I'm going, I'm bringing my knitting.
That was a big smile when she came in.
I should go because I look horrendous?
The phone ringing, I guess I just got overexcited.
The landline's ringing, quite the novelty.
It's over for you, Catherine.
That's fine. Who's going to feed my baby now, Graham?
The good news is, you won't be walking out of here alone.
Oh!
David, I love you.
We don't like each other, Bernard.
I'm not going to bite you.
Let's go. Let's play the game.
Oh, my God.
We're doing a class called Twerk of Art.
Welcome.
That man has kids.
We have a winner.