[Ian, distorted] Poppy.
Pop.
- Poppy! - [exclaims] Huh?
Let's kill God.
Huh?
In the expansion. What if the players killed God?
I mean, that would be one hell of a final boss.
Why does it smell like piss in here?
Ian, I need your help with something.
Oh, Poppy. Have you wet yourself?
[stammers] We talked about those adult diapers,
and you gave me so much sass. And now, here we are.
I just drank more water than I have in the last five years,
maybe my entire life.
And then I peed into this Big Gulp cup,
and I dipped a pregnancy test in there, and it said positive.
Actually, they all did.
[inhales deeply] I think I might be pregnant.
You think?
[spits]
[exhales sharply] What are you doing?
Help me. G-Get all up in my business.
I don't care about boundaries anymore.
I'm sorry, I'm still processing. I mean, this is a lot to take in.
- [groaning] - What... What are you doing?
Candy doesn't taste good to me anymore. I don't know why.
Because you're fucking pregnant.
- That's why. - I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Look, Poppy, I'm in it with you. Okay?
[stammers] I'm with you. All right?
[stammers] I support you no matter what you wanna do.
Your body, your choice, no judgment. No pressure.
Well, there might be a little bit of pressure.
I'm not sure where California is right now.
- And the Supreme Court of... - Ian, I'm gonna keep it.
Wow.
Awesome, awesome.
[stammers] Decisive. Clear. Great.
Yeah, I mean, I... [sighs]
I'm surprised too,
but somewhere around the tenth test, I-I found myself...
[stammers] ...hoping for a plus sign.
- A-And then you took 15 more. - I just wanted to be thorough.
- Sure. Mmm. - I mean,
it's a freaking miracle when you think about it.
I mean... [stammers] ...I've built game engines before,
but-but-but... but a-a baby human?
Like right now... [stammers] ...at this very moment,
I-I'm building a teeny tiny second skeleton inside of my body.
[chuckles] Like, how cool is that? I mean, that's reason enough alone.
- No, it's not. - Right, but that's not the only reason.
It just...
It feels...
[breathes shakily]
...right.
- I feel happy... - [chuckles]
...and scared,
but more happy than scared. [chuckles]
And then when I said that, it switched around,
and I started to feel more scared than happy again.
- It's really changing moment to moment. - Oh. I can help you with this, Pop.
What are you afraid of?
[breathes shakily] What if...
What if I'm a bad mum?
Oh. No, Pop.
[sighs] I mean, look at me,
I just pissed into a Big Gulp cup and all over my hands,
and it is not the first time I've done that.
I mean, I can barely take care of myself, let alone a kid.
W-What if I have no maternal instincts?
Poppy, that's-that's not gonna happen...
Like, what if I don't get my kid?
Oh, my God. What...
What if they're a jock?
Am I gonna have to learn about football?
Am I gonna have to learn about American football?
Pop, Pop, Pop. Look, look, look, you're freaking out,
but I'm in it with you. Okay?
I'm in the pregnancy, and I'm...
I'm also in the piss. I can feel it all over your hands.
- We can be in the piss together. - Yes.
Well, yeah, I mean, we're gonna wash our hands afterwards, right?
[chuckles]
Here's how I can help you.
Let's confront your biggest fear
in the most controlled and safe environment possible.
Okay. How-How are we gonna do that? You got a spare baby I can fuck up?
No...
but I might be able to make one.
- You wanted to see me? - Hey. Uh, yeah, close the door.
Okay.
[sighs] Is this gonna take long?
I'm in an online auction to buy Dana this dead lady's ring.
It's so cute. The ring. Not the dead lady. Well, she could be cute.
I kind of think old people are cute sometimes, like,
- not when they're dead, obviously. Yeah. - Rachel.
That's personal. We need to talk "bidness."
- Did you just say "bidness"? - Now, this stays between us, okay?
Mm-hmm.
But Montreal is getting interest from some very wealthy foreign investors.
Mmm.
Yeah, I can't tell you what country they're from, um,
but just know that you wouldn't want to get married there...
[chuckles] ...nor could you.
Then why are we taking their money?
Because it's money.
David, that's gross.
I'm sorry, do you want that dead lady's ring or not?
- Yes. - This is how we pay the bills, okay?
We need these investors. So, I need you to help me
make MQ look as profitable as possible.
Okay. How do we do that?
Think of it this way. Montreal is-is like a brothel, right?
- And-And we are the whores. - Sex workers.
Sex workers lining up, uh, to get picked by the buyer, right?
You know, we put on our best dress, a little dollop of perfume,
you know, hoping to attract that male suitor.
- That doesn't apply to me. - But every good hooker...
- Sex worker. - ...sex worker knows that
it's not about passion, it's about sealing the deal.
Which is why I need you to help me put ads
in our most popular Playpen games. Starting with...
Cozy Galaxy. Brought to you by our partners at Chevron.
No, no, David, please. You can't make me do this.
Cozy Galaxy is Dana's baby.
She put her heart and soul into this game.
She-She just got nominated for Game of the Year.
She's at the awards ceremony right now.
- You can't just whore it out to Big Oil. - Sex work it...
Oh, shut up! David, p-please don't make me do this to my fiancé.
Oh, my God.
That's the first time I've said that out loud.
- It just came out. That's so nice. - Rachel!
- Y-Yeah. Mm-hmm. - That's personal, okay?
This... This is "bidness."
Hmm.
[shrieks] Okay, okay, okay. Let me see. Let me see.
[exclaims] So cool.
You look radiant. These plebs are swine compared to you.
Thanks, Jo.
I can always count on you for a really aggressive compliment.
All right. What's the plan? You want me to get any dirt on the competition?
I could plant some false flag intel to get the other nominees disqualified.
Okay. Stand down, babes. [chuckles] I love this energy.
That killer mentality is how we got here.
But today we're celebrating.
I just got my first Game of the Year nomination and I'm not even 30.
She a girl genius, y'all. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Ooh. Ooh. Okay.
Okay. It's weird when y'all just stand there.
Don't count your chickens before the slaughter.
That is not the saying.
It's how I say it. Nothing is assured.
You have to fight for your position at all times. Take nothing for granted.
There's always a younger crop of game designers
just waiting to take your spot.
Brad. You're cute when you're worried, but just chill.
Take a victory lap. We earned it.
All right. Fine. [sighs]
But if you need me, I'm gonna be in the parking lot trying car doors.
I told you to stand down.
This is how I celebrate.
I don't take anything. I just rearrange things slightly.
The only thing I steal is their sense of security.
Mmm.
Incoming.
I'm so sorry. Are-Are you Dana Bryant?
- In the flesh. What's good, mama? - [chuckles]
Okay. Wow.
Um, my name's Yara. You-You probably don't remember me,
but I was part of that Girls Can Code group
that visited Mythic Quest a few years ago.
Oh, yeah. Wow, you're like a fully-formed human now.
I just want to say the...
the speech you gave us during the visit i-inspired me to make games.
And Cozy Galaxy is, like, my favorite game ever. [chuckles]
I can't believe I'm talking to you. I love your top. Sorry, I'm babbling.
Oh, no. Please tell me more about how cute and inspirational I am. [chuckles]
I'm kidding. Kinda.
But seriously, you keep working hard,
I know you can get to where I am someday. [chuckles]
Actually, my game is up for Game of the Year too.
Uh, it's called Sea of Destiny.
Huh. [chuckles] Sea of Destiny is your game?
- Yeah. [chuckles] - And you're how old, again?
Seventeen. I-I just graduated actually.
So, you were one year old when Obama was elected?
Is that Michelle's husband?
Okay. That's enough face time with the talent.
Move it, kid, or I will move it for you.
Come on, put some pep in it. Let's go.
[chuckles, clears throat]
Anna.
Bradley.
[in Polish] It's been a long time.
It has. [sighs] Years.
I served time in prison.
Mmm.
Oh? So did I.
Insider trading.
[chuckles]
Money laundering.
You look fat.
I know.
You look old.
I know.
You want to get out of here?
I have a room at the hotel.
I have a suite.
Mmm.
- Leave a penny, take a penny. - [chuckles]
[in English] Welcome to my all-purpose VR simulator.
Now, there's only one way for you to grapple
with this insanely complex issue.
- Video games? - Video games! That's right.
We're gonna use this to help you overcome your fears of motherhood.
Now, obviously, I-I-I didn't know you were gonna get pregnant,
so I didn't have any mom simulators at the ready,
but I re-skinned a fast-paced restaurant game with baby shit
to test your ability to multitask.
That is a skill fundamental to motherhood.
- Sick one. I love those restaurant games. - [game beeps]
[customers chanting] Go! Go! Go!
- [announcer] Fry that baby! - [baby babbles]
- What? Fry it? - Hurry, Pop. There's customers waiting.
[Poppy] Okay.
[customers cheering]
- [sizzling] - [crying]
This makes me feel really weird.
[announcer] Chop those vegetables.
- [timer beeping] - Pop, you gotta flip the baby.
- The baby is burning. - Oh, shit!
[crying, babbling]
[grunting]
[customers booing]
- That was horrible. - All right. Don't worry, Pop,
you can play again. Practice makes perfect.
Are you mental? I am not playing that again.
How is this supposed to prove that I'll be a good mum?
I feel like you're getting really hung up on specifics.
Whoa, Pop-Tarts. You pregnant?
- Shannon? - [Shannon] Uh-huh.
What are you doing in here?
I saw Ian online.
We pop into VR for our own kind of play.
We bang.
Yeah. Okay. Cool. [stammers]
- That was clear from your breasts. - [Ian] Mmm.
I always thought you two had a weird psychosexual thing going on.
- Did you knock her up? - [gags]
- No, absolutely not. - Oh. See? Look, the VR...
- ...the VR is making her sick. - [retches] It is not the VR.
It is the thought of carrying your... [retches]
Shannon, log off, please.
Fine. [chuckles]
But, uh, text me later, okay?
Because that, uh, silicon mold of your johnson finally came in from China.
- [Ian] Mmm. - [Shannon] Mmm.
Can we just, for the rest of our lives, pretend that I never heard that?
I got some intel on that smug little brat, boss.
Not interested.
I'm not intimidated by Yara. She's just a kid.
She's a kid with two games and private equity lining up for her
- like she's a trollop at a cathouse. - [groans] You worked for David too long.
Wait, did you say two?
Sea of Destiny is her second game?
Not only that. She owns all her IP outright.
Whatever, Jo. [sighs] I am not sweating her. [sighs]
Yeah, me neither.
Okay, Pop. Let's forget about the restaurant game.
That was the wrong approach.
Maternal instincts are primal. So we just have to activate them.
[Poppy] Well, I don't see any frying pans so that's a good start.
[baby cooing]
- [Poppy] Aw, what a cutie. [chuckles] - [Ian] Mmm. [chuckles]
[intruder] Target is inside. Breaching window.
[Poppy] Whoa! What? What the fuck? Who is that?
- Oh, Christ. Oh, he took the baby. - [baby cries]
[Ian] Go after him, Pop.
[Poppy] Give me back my baby, you psycho.
[Ian] Yes. That's it.
Show those terrorists what kind of mother you really are.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- [Ian] Jesus. - [Poppy] Oh, my God.
Why is the baby shooting at me?
I didn't have a ton of time to, like, recode the entire thing.
- [Poppy shouts] - [baby babbles]
[Ian] Okay. I'll help. I'll help.
- [Poppy shouts] - [baby giggles]
- [screaming] - [Poppy] Not helping, Ian!
- [screaming] - [Poppy exclaims]
This is not helping.
This is just giving me more fears than I even had before.
No offense, Pop, but you're being a little ungrateful.
You know what? This is way harder than I thought it would be.
Can we just put a pin in this?
A pin in my baby?
Well, I mean, not literally. Metaphorically.
I mean, you know, you do have another baby,
the expansion, that we should be paying attention to.
Did you just compare my actual human baby to a video game?
Well, no, they're obviously different.
Although, to be fair, we did conceive...
- [grunts] - ...of the expansion first,
and it feels like, you know, we should focus on that.
Pop.
Poppy.
Pop.
[sighing]
[Brad swallows]
Mmm.
[in Polish] That was adequate.
Quite.
So. Are you still enjoying monetization?
I spend my days thinking of ways to trick children
into surreptitiously spending the income of their long-suffering parents.
- So yes. I love it. - [chuckles]
Are you... with anyone?
She's a genius coder.
Raw, but has endless potential.
How about you?
I'm working with a prodigy. Top of her game. Bit of a god complex.
Hmm. Mine's seventeen. Yours?
[in English] I'd rather not say.
[in Polish] But she's a brilliant artist.
Artist?
I thought you hated artists. You used to say
adults call themselves artists
when they want to behave like children with impunity.
Maybe I changed my mind.
If you meet the right person,
you can change your mind about a lot of things.
[in English] You were naked before, but now...
you're exposed.
[in Polish] There's a rush to it.
A thrill.
I haven't felt this way in a long time. Since Kate.
Kate?
Who is Kate?
She was a pig.
Oh. [laughs]
- Then you two were made for each other. - [chuckles]
[in English] ♪ I am singing and typing And doing a spreadsheet ♪
♪ I am singing and typing And running a company ♪
♪ I'm the cool g... ♪
- Hey. - Hi, David.
I don't normally sing, I was just...
Mm-hmm. So, um, I figured out a way to make MQ look profitable
without selling out to Big Oil.
Say hello to our biggest budget item.
You just printed out a piece of paper that says Poppy and Ian's expansion?
Well, all of our data is digital and I wanted it to be dramatic.
There's literally nothing on these pages.
I didn't want to waste ink.
Whatever. Look, it's here.
Not only is their expansion hoovering up money,
but there are line items in this budget that are absolutely bonkers.
Like did you know they rented out an entire weapons forge?
They have Joe Manganiello on retainer.
Their VR costs are insane.
And somehow MQ is underwriting a cattle ranch in Wyoming?
First off, it's Manganiello, okay?
- And he's very particular... - What did I say? Manganiello?
- ...about how you say the G. - Manganiello.
And secondly, the... [sighs]
... there's an explanation for the farm, okay?
The ranch in Wyoming is... it's a... it's a way to make cows into NFTs,
is how Ian explained it,
- which I didn't understand at the time... - [gasps] David. You knew? Coward!
Look, it's a complicated dynamic with Ian. You have to pivot
- and I was pivoting. - David.
Okay, look, how about we... we can cut some items in the expansion,
some of the line items. Look, we can sell the ranch in Wyoming.
Uh, we could turn it into a slaughterhouse, make money off it.
- Unless the cows are already NFTs... - David.
You know and I know that Playpen is the most profitable part
of this company.
- [sighs] - Vanilla MQ is a dinosaur.
A dinosaur, by the way, that is currently eating all of our money.
If you wanna look attractive to those investors,
the most impactful way to do that is to kill Ian and Poppy's expansion.
- No. - Yes.
- No! - Yes!
[sighs] Look, d-don't make me kill their baby.
I mean, you know, Ian and I are forming a friendship right now, right?
- Mmm. - I mean... [stammers, sighs]
Making adult male friends at my age is a very difficult thing to do.
Mmm. Right.
David, everything you just described is personal
and this,
this is...
[sighs]
- ..."bidness." - "Bidness."
♪ I am singing and friendless ♪
♪ I just have my spreadsheets ♪
[Shannon] Hi.
Thanks for meeting me here.
Oh, no problem.
I, uh, had a combination Pilates and AA meeting right around the corner.
- Okay. - So, what's up, buttercup?
Well, uh, as you know, I'm pregnant. [chuckles]
- Yeah. Yeah. [clears throat] - Obviously. Um...
- Just sidenote... - Uh-huh.
I wanted to make very clear, again, that it is not Ian's baby.
Whatever you say.
- I do say. That's... [stammers] - Mm-hmm.
- ...that's exactly what I'm saying... - Okay.
...'cause I would rip it out with my... with my bare hands.
- I wouldn't let it exist if it was his... - Oh, that's untrue.
- I need you to understand that. - Mm-hmm.
Okay. So, um, uh,
I'm terrified that I'm gonna mess it up.
Being a mum.
Hmm.
And, um, you know,
even with everything with Ian and-and you raising Brendan on your own...
Mm-hmm.
...he seems like he turned out pretty well.
Oh, greatest kid on the planet.
- Right. Right. Exactly. Exactly. - Mmm.
So, I guess what I wanted to ask is...
Um...
Can you just tell me that I'm gonna be a good mum?
Oh, sweetheart.
You are gonna be a terrible mom.
- Okay. Cool. Uh-huh, uh-huh. - Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh. No, no, no, no, that's fine. That's good. This was a mistake.
You didn't let me finish, sugar.
You are gonna be a terrible mom sometimes.
Sometimes.
All moms are.
One time when Brendan was around six,
he ate an entire bag of edibles that I was hiding in my sock drawer.
- He was high for two days. - [gasps]
Oh, wow.
It took me three weeks to convince the CPS
that I was not using him as a drug mule.
- Oh, my God. [chuckles] - Yeah, that's on me.
- That is not true. [chuckles] - Oh, yeah. You're gonna fuck up royally.
But all you have to do is-is-is do your best.
And if you make a mistake, you say you're sorry.
And you find a very secure place to hide your edibles.
- [chuckles] Wow. [sniffles] - [chuckles] Yeah.
That was, um...
That was really helpful.
Good.
[chuckles] When I went to Ian with this,
he made me play a game where I had to stir-fry a baby
and then he told me to get back to work. [chuckles]
Ian is useless when it comes to this stuff.
He wants to help.
But if it gets too hard
or he doesn't feel like some big hero anymore, he bails.
He is completely and totally incapable
of putting anyone else's needs above his own, okay?
Except in the bedroom.
- Okay. Cool. - Oh, those mommy issues
make him work so hard.
- I mean... - Okay. Thank you, Shannon.
This has been...
- as expected. - Good.
I'm gonna go tell Storm that I'm pregnant.
I can't believe you told Ian before you told your baby daddy.
You guys have the weirdest relationship.
Uh-huh. Tell that to your torpedo boobs.
Let's get one last look at our nominees.
[announcer] Game of the Year.
Hero's Hand.
[cheering]
Cozy Galaxy.
Sea of Destiny.
- [chuckles] Yes! - [chuckles]
And the winner of the Apex Awards Game of the Year is...
- Sea of Destiny. - [cheering]
How?
This must be pretty demoralizing for you.
[in Polish] That's my girl.
Oh, my gosh. Okay.
I wanna thank my publisher, Big Snake Games.
My artist, Sarah Linsay Norris.
My head of monetization, Anna Nowak.
And an extra special thanks to my fellow nominee Dana Bryant,
the creator of Cozy Galaxy.
She inspired me when I was first starting out
and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her.
She's kind of like my games industry mama. [chuckles]
[audience clamoring, laughing] Aw. So Sweet.
["bane" playing]
...so wild.
[gasps] Dana! [chuckles]
Can you believe this? I am, like, floating on a cloud right now.
I bet. Thanks for the shout-out.
I meant it. I-I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.
That's right.
I brought you into this world and I'm gonna be the one to take you out.
Sorry?
We are not friends,
and I sure as hell am not your games industry mama.
I'm your grim reaper. Your time is coming.
New marching orders.
That little shit is our enemy and we destroy her by any means necessary.
That a problem?
Not at all.
Oh.
- Okay. - [chuckles]
Are you sure?
I mean, did-did you take more than one test?
I took a few.
[chuckles] Okay.
Well, um, how are you...
how are you feeling about it?
Scared. [sighs]
- Yeah. [chuckles] - [chuckles]
Um, excited.
I want to keep it.
Oh.
Uh.
That's great.
[stammers] I'm sorry.
[stammers] I'm just...
- I'm still processing everything. Um... - No. Take-Take your time. Of course.
It's-It's just that...
I have spent two years
securing that commission in the Netherlands.
- I'm excited. I don't wanna... - I know. No, no, no, you should...
you should go.
[stammers] Of course, that's...
Of course you should still go.
I-I mean, work is important for-for both of us.
I mean, I'm probably...
Honestly, I'm probably gonna be really preoccupied
with the expansion anyway.
I mean, you know me, I'm like work, work, work.
Are you sure?
1,000%.
All right, I'm back. Time to work. Let's kill God.
Uh, Pop, I've got some bad news about the expansion.
Mm-hmm?
David killed it.
What?
Yeah, it's complicated, but... [sighs]
...he said something about
making the game more attractive to foreign investors.
Then he compared us to sex workers in a brothel.
[breathes heavily]
[distorted] Then he said we had to wear perfume to attract suitors.
Fuck it.
Huh?
Let's build it anyway.
- Really? - Yeah. The expansion is our baby.
Poppy Li, that's that maternal instinct.
- [chuckles] - [chuckles]
["I'm Fucking Pregnant" plays]