WOMAN: Well, what do you want? - I don't care. Whatever you want.
- You don't care? - I didn't mean that.
- I'm not that picky. - How come I always have the ideas?
Why don't you make that thing you made the first night?
- What was that thing I made? - It had a green sauce, right?
- You don't even know, do you? - Do we have to do this now?
- You never remember anything. - It's our anniversary.
You never listen to me, you bastard.
Oh!
Jerry.
[TYRES SQUEAL]
Jerry!
Hey, finish that database yet, probie?
Yesterday.
Then it should have been on my desk yesterday.
I didn't realise a compilation of nudie bars was that urgent.
- Well, it is. - Why?
I don't have to explain myself to a junior agent.
- Okay, is this work-related, because--? - But I will just this once.
It's a mercy mission, probie.
A buddy of mine is getting married
to a particularly unpleasant beast of a woman.
- So? - So?
So the memory of his bachelor party
will be the only thing that sustains him
through the rest of his miserable existence.
I'll print it out as soon as I'm finished with this.
On behalf of men everywhere, we thank you, probie.
What are you working on?
Uh, I'm reviewing my credit card statement.
There appears to be some anomalies.
Fifty DVD copies of Forrest Hump?
Yeah, see, I don't even know what a Forrest Hump is.
Well, it's like Forrest Gump with naked people, probie.
- What? - It's a porno
or so I've been told.
This is obviously an error with the credit card company.
Oh, or it's identity theft.
No. It's not possible.
I use, uh, a secure browser and the latest firewall protection.
TONY: Look at that, a $5,000 charge from John Deere.
A down payment on that combine you've always dreamed of.
GIBBS: Put the farm equipment on hold.
A sailor was shot on Route 249.
Tony, grab the gear. Green Acres.
Gas the truck. Where the hell is David?
- Uh. Boss, Officer David is, uh-- - Late.
I took the wrong bus this morning.
Had to walk from the 18th Street stop.
That's a tough part of town.
I've been in worse. Won't happen again, Gibbs.
I know.
[SIREN WAILS]
Special Agent Gibbs?
No, he's the older gentleman with the smile on his face.
HAMPTON: Agent Gibbs, car's in the crevice at the bottom.
The victim's dead inside.
Lieutenant Hampton, Virginia State Police.
The last few yards are pretty steep.
One of the EMTs managed to make it all the way down.
The fire department's bringing special equipment to extricate the body.
It's gonna take a while.
- McGee. Sketch. McGEE: Yo.
Get close enough without breaking your neck.
- On it. GIBBS: DiNozzo, photos.
Is there a problem?
You didn't say anything about my neck.
But I'll be careful.
ZIVA: What about me?
- Who called it in? - His wife.
HAMPTON: She was on the phone with him when it happened.
Officer David, take her statement.
I should warn you I'm not very good with women.
That'll make two things you're not very good at today.
- And the first? GIBBS: Being on time.
- I'm sorry for the delay, Jethro. PALMER:Yeah, traffic, it was murder.
Sorry, poor choice of words there.
See what you can get, Duck.
- He's trapped in there pretty good. - Oh, we'll do our best.
I hope you brought more appropriate footwear, Mr. Palmer.
The journey to our petty officer looks rather challenging.
Don't worry, doctor. I have a merit badge in hiking.
I have a driver's licence, Mr. Palmer.
It doesn't mean I turn up at Indianapolis in my Morgan.
ZIVA: You were on the phone with him when he was shot?
[SNIFFLING] He couldn't remember pesto
and it pissed me off.
How stupid is that?
Could you tell me how many shots?
Do you know what the last words I said to him were?
I called him a bastard.
And I can't take it back.
Not now, I can't.
If it's any consolation, probie, I had my identity stolen once.
- Really? - I had a charge on my Visa
for a vintage Barbie doll.
Career Girl outfit.
With the matching briefcase and pumps?
Oh, well-- Um.
I, I had a, uh, girlfriend who collected once.
We used to-- We'd line them up on the--
I lost respect for you at the word "pumps."
Get back to work.
It's kind of hard to sketch from this distance.
Don't get any closer. It gets steeper as it gets deeper.
- One false move and-- PALMER: Whoa.
[YELLING]
Look out.
Good hustle, Palmer.
ZIVA: No skid marks. He didn't attempt to control the car before it went over.
They were having an argument over a six-month anniversary.
I don't understand the half-year thing. I thought perhaps--
I don't understand anniversaries, period.
Apparently, neither did her husband.
She was screaming at him when she heard a loud gunshot
followed by the crash.
- What else? - She could hear a low moan
for a few minutes after impact.
Oh, yeah. I think it's sprained, guys.
Oh, Dr. Mallard's gonna be upset, isn't he?
Uh. Wouldn't worry about him.
But if Gibbs sees you wearing loafers at a crime scene...
He'll pretty much kill you dead.
PALMER: Ah!
[GRUNTING]
DUCKY: They were having a little trouble with the help.
Nothing for you to worry about.
It's gonna take more time than usual,
but we're gonna get you out of there, I promise.
[SHOUTING] ls anybody gonna join me down here?
McGEE: Well, uh, Gibbs said not to get too close.
Yeah, you really shouldn't be down there, Ducky. It's not safe.
The exit wound to the petty officer's neck
seems to indicate the bullet went straight through.
There could be a spent round
that might be crucial to our investigation.
Well, as you've pointed out many times, I'm just a junior field agent.
All the more reason you need the experience, probie.
How about I follow in your footsteps? You lead the way.
How about you kiss my experienced buttocks?
Am I gonna have to call Jethro on this one, gentlemen?
No, we're good.
The chances of finding that bullet are--
One in a million.
You gotta see this, Gibbs.
The grooves made that pattern.
It's the exact same design as the cover of Classic Death's second CD.
Don't tell me you don't know Classic Death,
- because it's, like, my favourite-- GIBBS: Not now, Abby.
But it could be a sign, Gibbs.
Like that tortilla skillet with the image of Jesus in it.
- They thought that was a miracle. - It'll be a miracle if you still have a job
if you don't get back on topic.
I see your point, O Great One.
This is me getting back on topic.
Nine millimetre, 120 grain.
The window was rolled up when he was shot.
- Glass? - There's traces in the rifling.
GIBBS: Manufacturer? - Can't tell.
I'm gonna plug this into the FBl's Drugfire database
- and see if I get a match, but-- - But it's gonna take a while.
See? Mind reading.
There may be something supernatural going on here.
Let me know when you have something.
I bet I could sell this on eBay. Did you know they got 28 grand
for the grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary on it?
Gibbs?
McGEE: Preliminary trajectory shows that the bullet passed
straight through the driver's side window.
So I recommend we search the area along this path looking for spent brass.
You won't find it.
Nine-millimetre rounds are slow and only accurate to about 30 metres.
The shooter was in a moving car that pulled up alongside.
Yeah, that is one possibility, Ziva. But, you see,
we're investigators, which means we investigate things, we don't assume.
She's right. Wife said she heard the gunshot over the phone.
- The shooter had to be close. - Thank you.
GIBBS: What do we know about Smith?
I ran his military ID. He was a clerk at Norfolk.
Had four months left before his discharge.
Tony, take Ziva with you and check with the C.O.
- Yeah. GIBBS: When you're done,
have her sweep the trajectory for brass.
- But why? You just said I-- - Because DiNozzo's right too.
[SCOFFS]
[PHONE RINGS]
ZIVA: All of these people are in the military?
Yeah, the uniforms are kind of a dead giveaway.
Then why aren't they armed?
TONY: Because we're in America,
and the machine guns would just get in the way.
MAN: All right. Okay.
- Commander. - What can I do for NCIS today?
Sorry to have to tell you this, but one of your men was killed this morning.
My God, who?
- Petty Officer Jerry Smith. - Smith?
He was shot on Route 249 on his way in to work.
I think you have my man confused with someone else.
That's Petty Officer Jerry Smith right over there.
[LAUGHS]
Why would anyone want to impersonate me?
Let's see. Blackmail, espionage, terrorism, potential assassination.
I'm just-- I'm just a clerk, ma'am.
I don't even have a security clearance or anything.
- What kind of a clerk? - I'm in a supply unit. I'm an SK2.
I'm new to NCIS, petty officer.
You're gonna have to be more specific.
Well, well-- Basically, I'm just a storekeeper.
Um, like today, I filled requests for tp, liquid soap, toilet seat covers.
[LAUGHING]
We call it "Getting a Head Day."
Because in the Navy, the head is another word--
For the toilet. Yes, I know.
This has something to do with your personal life?
Well, probably not. I don't really have one.
I mean, most nights I just go home and surf the web or watch reality TV.
Really into Survivor. Average Joe.
The Amazing Race is cool. I like Extreme Makeover, but--
- I don't own a TV. - Really?
I don't think I've ever met anyone who didn't--
What does your wife think about all this nightly stimulation?
I don't have a wife. No girlfriend either.
I just don't really seem to do very well in that department.
It's just me and Max.
- Max is your boytriend? - No. No.
Jeez, I'm like as straight as they come.
- Max is a marmoset. - A monkey.
A pet. Nothing more.
That's reassuring, petty officer.
A buddy of mine was shipping out. He was in a bit of a bind.
I said no way, but when I got one look at the little guy...
He's just so damn cute, ma'am.
[CHUCKLES]
Petty Officer Smith was transferred from Pearl
about the same time I was, Agent DiNozzo.
- You serve with him there? - Different units.
We never crossed paths until this command.
- What kind of a sailor is he? - Officially, he's never missed work.
He's always on time.
I'm more interested in unofficially, commander.
It's not in my nature to be disparaging.
Well, I've got a body lying on a slab back at NCIS.
So by all means, disparage away.
I guess you could say Petty Officer Smith is not the brightest sailor
that I've ever commanded.
Now that I say it out loud, the thought occurs to me that could be the reason
someone found it so easy to steal his identity.
Can you think of any reason
why someone would want to impersonate him?
God, no, Agent DiNozzo. God, no.
More porno?
GIBBS: What do we have, McGee?
Three more charges since yesterday.
Sorry. Sorry, boss. Um.
Uh, cell phone records are downloading now.
Okay, it looks like Petty Officer Smith--
Officer Smith in the car, not the one on base who's the real--
Yeah, I got it, McGee.
Well, he was definitely talking to Mrs. Smith, if that is her real name.
- McGee. McGEE: Ah.
He was talking to her at their home from his cell
just before she called in the accident. I've got an address here.
It's an apartment in Newport News.
- Lease is in the wife's name. - Ziva, you're with me.
Possibly a point man for an operational reconnaissance of the naval base.
- I-- - That means you go with him.
Now.
Preferably, before the elevator doors close.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
[SIGHS]
You just hung up on Director Shepard.
Uh-huh.
In my country, the officer in charge is always treated with--
In my country, on my team, working my cases,
my people don't bypass the chain of command.
- Which is? - Me.
Are we clear on that, Officer David?
Crystal, Agent Gibbs.
Except she called me. What would you have me do?
Smile. Talk about the weather. Tell her to call me.
And if that doesn't work?
You're a smart girl. Think of something.
- I am merely trying to do my job. - Your job is to follow my instructions.
And I respect that. Is it too much to ask for some in return?
No. It's not.
- So that's it? GIBBS: Mm-hm.
Don't I even get a slap on the head?
Don't push it.
Just to be clear, are there any more of these rules I should be aware of?
About 50 of them.
[LAUGHS]
And I don't suppose they're written down
- anywhere that I could-- - No.
- Then how am I supposed to--? - My job is to teach them to you.
[SIGHS]
GIBBS: No picture of your husband in uniform?
Jerry hated the Navy.
He only joined for the money they'd give him for college.
But he couldn't wait to get out.
I was so mean to him on the phone.
It was our half anniversary.
We know. A very special occasion.
Why can't men understand that?
Your husband talk about his work much, Mrs. Smith?
Never.
He wouldn't even let me visit him on base or even call him there.
You never saw him at his work?
You never dropped him off?
I told you he hated the Navy.
Every morning, he'd put on his uniform and go to the office.
Soon as he got home, couldn't get out of it fast enough.
You didn't know Jerry long before you married, did you?
Only three months.
I know. It was crazy.
It just felt right, you know?
Jerry was the first truly decent man I had ever met.
What's going on here?
This is Petty Officer Jerry Smith.
He's been working at Norfolk for about four months.
His commanding officer confirmed it.
GIBBS: He look familiar?
I don't know this man.
I don't understand.
Neither do we.
PALMER: Ow.
DUCKY: Discolouration indicates blunt-force trauma.
Yes, these abdominal bruises here in this area
are consistent with the door frame crushing against his body.
You think Epsom salt reduces swelling faster?
Mr. Palmer, I'm sure our mystery guest would appreciate it
if you could concentrate all your efforts
on helping me to discover the cause of his demise
rather than obsessing on how you will look in shorts this weekend.
- Sorry, doctor. DUCKY: Actually,
I found the ladies tend to be sympathetic towards visible injury.
- Really? - Yes. My first year in college,
I suffered an unfortunate injury to my testicles.
The excruciating pain was offset by an impressive swelling,
which Ramona Kincaid--
Bless her heart.
--Found extremely fascinating.
Yeah.
Ah.
Now, the bullet wound to the neck evaded the anterior triangle,
thus missing both the carotid artery and jugular vein.
Most of the damage was muscular.
DUCKY: It also grazed the oesophagus and thyroid.
Oh, dear. Severe damage to the liver, pancreas, spleen.
Oh, and there's a nasty tear to the left ventricle caused by a bruised rib.
Cause of death is from the trauma of the crash.
You just earned yourself another merit badge, Mr. Palmer.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, he was alive for several minutes after he was shot.
Sorry to have to say it, my poor fellow, but you'd have been better off
if your assassin had been a more precise marksman.
[BLEEPING]
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
ZIVA: You know, this case reminds me
of something my father used to tell me as a child.
"Really, Ziva? What was that?"
He would say that no one
could ever truly know another person or their secrets.
I, of course, refused to believe him.
"And now, Ziva?"
As an adult,
I believe he was never more honest with me.
What do you believe, Gibbs?
I think I really got to get the radio in this car fixed.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
- Yeah, Abby? ABBY: I've got a match
on the dead guy's prints, Gibbs.
- From the AFIS database. - He's in the military?
- Anchors aweigh, Gibbs-o. GIBBS: Who?
You're not gonna believe it.
- Try me. - You're not.
- Who the hell is he, Abs? - Petty Officer Jerry Smith.
He actually is Petty Officer Jerry Smith.
He's stationed at the Regional Supply Office in Norfolk.
Okay, the dead guy downstairs who we thought was impersonating
Petty Officer Jerry Smith is actually the real Petty Officer Jerry Smith.
And that Jerry Smith Tony and Ziva talked to in Norfolk
turns out to be the fake Jerry Smith, and it's confusing.
Like the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle.
The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.
Court Jester, Danny Kaye? Come on, guys, it's a classic.
- Thank you, boss. - Who is he, McGee?
John Kirby. We lifted his prints from his desk at Norfolk.
His empty desk. He didn't report for duty today.
He and Smith had overlapping tours at Jacksonville in '02.
- Kirby was discharged in '03. - Honourably.
These guys had this planned from the first day of Smith's new assignment.
Think so, McGee?
- I'm gonna need Kirby's-- - Address.
He lives on West Little Creek. Been there about a year.
And the warrant.
- DiNozzo, David, take a ride. - You got it, boss.
Get a BOLO out on Kirby with the FBI, local and state.
- Already done, Boss. - BOLO?
"Be on the lookout."
Good job, McGee. Go on. Catch up to them.
"Good job, McGee."
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Is he always this juvenile?
Only on days of the week ending with the word "day."
ZIVA: I'll drive, Tony.
No, no, no. Not gonna make that mistake again.
Did you really think my driving was that terrible?
Aside from the high speed and near misses.
Let's just say it's an acquired taste, like regurgitated lunch.
- That's disgusting, DiNozzo. TONY: Tell me about it, probie.
That chilli cheese dog was hard to chew the second time around.
McGEE: Maybe we should give her another chance.
It's not like she killed or maimed anyone.
Maybe we should concentrate on why John Kirby switched places
with Seaman Smith at Norfolk, and leave death wish for another day.
ZIVA: He could very well be an assassin.
He works in a supply office.
Who's he gonna assassinate? Mr. Clean?
All the better not to draw attention to himself.
McGEE: Well, she's right. It's a big base. A lot of targets.
TONY: I don't know. Look at the guy.
- He's such a-- - Pimp.
TONY & McGEE: Wimp.
Mm. Very much in line with other assassins.
McGEE: She's right, Tony.
Look at Lee Harvey Oswald, Sirhan Sirhan.
That's original, McGee. Is there any part of your brain that's your own?
At least I have one, Tony.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing.
We're not going anywhere.
[SIGHS]
- What, until I apologise? - No, not until you apologise.
We're in the wrong damn car.
GIBBS: What'd you find, Abs? ABBY: After the car crashed,
it went end over end for about a hundred feet
before finally slamming to a stop up against a boulder,
which crushed the driver's side door into his body,
which led to a lot of blood. I also found these in the trunk,
three identical sets of Hawaiian shirts and khaki pants.
Correction. Did you find anything useful?
Maybe. But it's probably nothing.
Do not make me say a magic word now, Abs.
Of course not. But it is a cool idea.
It's in the blood patterns.
The residual splatter from where the blood struck is there.
Exit-wound splatter is there.
Dropping slightly from the angle of the impact.
GIBBS: Normal when they pass through flesh.
Very good, Gibbs.
But that would be the case of a senior lead special agent
who's worked hundreds of crime scene investigations
throughout his storied career.
I'd hate to start smacking you like I do DiNozzo.
You wouldn't. You would?
It won't be on the head.
The blood here is darker, and the pattern is random.
Skip to the "probably nothing" part, will you?
The trail of splattering is wider than you'd expect.
And the blood is smeared somewhat here
like something brushed up against it.
- What? - I have absolutely no idea.
That would be the "probably nothing" part.
But I haven't analysed it in my computer yet.
Do it.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Oh, I love Hawaiian shirts.
ZIVA: I'm not surprised.
It's a cultural experience you couldn't appreciate.
- Isn't that right, probie? - I wouldn't be caught dead in one.
[GASPS]
It can't be.
Do you realise what we have here?
ZIVA: Another ugly shirt?
It's an authentic Magnum, P.I. Jungle Bird design.
Hundred percent cotton, bamboo buttons,
"Made in Hawaii" label.
Come on, this is the Holy Grail
- of Aloha garments. - That's great.
Eight seasons Magnum wore this shirt.
Putting up with Higgins and those stupid dogs.
Zeus! Apollo!
It was a TV show, it was big in the '80s.
I know who Tom Selleck is, Tony.
The hot, sexy American man of adventure.
He was-- He was good, sure.
But take away the shirt, moustache, Detroit Tigers hat, Ferrari, the Audi,
wine cellar, Robin Masters' estate, Rick, TC and the helicopter...
Well, it looks like Kirby has not checked his e-mail
or even turned on his computer since yesterday.
Once he saw us at Norfolk, he must have taken a kite.
Hike. The expression is "taking a hike."
She may have had it confused with "go fly a kite."
I speak five languages, forgive me if I get confused sometimes.
- I found his bankbook. - Chequebook.
Whatever you call it. His deposits seem high.
Where you come from, they may seem high
but here in the good old U.S. of A., these are really, really high.
[RUSTLING]
- I think it's the-- TONY: Shh.
[SCREECHING AND GIBBERING]
- It's a-- - It's a marmoset.
McGEE: Actually, that's a capuchin.
I don't advise shooting him. Americans and their pets.
It will be a public-relations nightmare.
You knew all about this.
I tried to tell you, but you shushed me.
Well, next time try harder.
ZIVA: His name is Max.
Oh, I read a Snapple cap that said that the most popular name for a pet
in the United States is Max.
That's funny, I thought it was Tim.
GIBBS: We know that your husband and John Kirby served together.
And we also know that they switched places.
It's a federal crime to impersonate military personnel.
Which means that withholding any information
is a chargeable offence. So, what do you know, Mrs. Smith?
I lied before.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
I saw the other man once.
When?
Um.
Right after we moved here from Hawaii.
I came home early from yoga. I wasn't feeling well.
He was with Jerry in the den.
Jerry was upset.
It was clear I'd interrupted them.
Uh. When he left, he said I should forget I ever saw him
and never tell anyone.
Do you think he's the one who killed my husband?
McGEE: Kirby was getting e-mails
from an anonymous Internet account several times a week.
Each one was just a time and a location.
The times were random, all throughout the day,
the locations were business and residential addresses
all throughout Norfolk.
- How long have they been coming in? - About four months.
Same time Kirby's been posing as Smith.
You think Kirby was doing Smith's job, while Smith was doing Kirby's?
I've seen communications like this before.
- So have I. - Many intelligence agencies
use this technique for arranging a drop-off.
I believe you refer to them as goblins.
Spooks. The term is spooks.
ABBY: According to this, there's a drop scheduled for this afternoon.
- Where and when, Abs? - Granby and Harbor,
southeast corner, 1400.
One of you is gonna have to pose as Kirby.
Mm, yeah. That really doesn't work for him.
For once, I've got to agree with Tony. I don't think I'm a Hawaiian-shirt type.
You're the closest we've got to age and looks to Smith and Kirby.
Which won't matter if whoever he's meeting with knows their faces.
No, it won't. But if it doesn't, we just might get something,
which is more than we have now.
DiNozzo, you and Ziva will be here mobile on Granby,
as far as you can while maintaining visual contact.
I'll be over here on Harbor.
McGee, we do not know what we have here.
So go with the flow. If it gets hinky, call it.
Hinky? What's hinky?
You know, like when your gut is telling you something?
Oh, I see. In my country, we refer to that as gas.
GIBBS [ON RADIO]: You got a visual, DiNozzo?
TONY: Affirmative, boss.
Suck that gut in, probie.
McGEE: Guy with the briefcase.
I got him, McGee.
ZIVA: The logistics for the drop may only start here, McGee.
- Look for any sign. McGEE: Like what?
A hand gesture, the angle he holds his briefcase.
It was nothing, boss.
- Lost the visual. - Same here, DiNozzo.
Move up the block.
[TYRES SQUEAL]
There's a park bench across the street from the Baltimore Museum of Art.
WOMAN: Leave it underneath. - Girl with the pack.
Wait, McGee, for her to make the move.
- Don't be late. - Right.
[GRUNTING]
- Kirby, my 9 o'clock, boss. GIBBS: I got him. Get the girl.
Go. Go. Go.
[TYRES SQUEALING]
[GRUNTS]
[STUN GUN FIRES AND McGEE GRUNTS]
[TYRES SQUEAL]
[PANTING] We lost her.
More like she lost us.
There are three wheels, numbered zero through nine each.
- That's a thousand possibilities. - Then your fingers better get busy.
Wait, there's more.
The seams are filled with something that looks like an epoxy material.
May be for waterproofing.
Or to hold explosive components in place until they're exploded.
- Bada-boom. - X-rays.
ABBY: Didn't penetrate. The metal's high-density steel,
probably with a thin layer of lead sheeting.
The nitrate sniffer came up negative.
- That's because of the epoxy. - Probably.
Gibbs, it might not be rigged with a bomb, per se.
I love saying per se. It's one of those phrases
nobody really knows what it means, but you say it anyway because...
- Am I off topic again? - Bigtime.
Um. It could be armed with something like formic acid in a glass liner.
It would destroy the contents if opened incorrectly.
There's also the possibility it could be nothing.
It's just a bluff to scare anyone from taking a peek inside.
- Do we have a bottom line here, Abs? - We do.
- Do you wanna hear it? - Yes.
The bomb squad is gonna pick this up, they'll do their thing
and then I will get to the bottom of this, but--
It's going to take time.
See? We are having a melding of the minds.
TONY:lt was called The Transporter. McGEE: Didn't see it.
Cool British guy delivers illegal stuff for a price.
Obviously, what Smith was doing.
Then what Kirby was doing.
Then what you were doing, probie.
- Only badly. - Yeah, I got the case, didn't I?
TONY: Hmm. You're missing the point. - How could there possibly be a point?
ZIVA: I think what Agent DiNozzo means
is that the Transporter would have gotten the case, gotten the girl
and still have held on to his cappuccino.
Exactly. Speaking of movies, you know what I was thinking about, probie?
- Really not interested, Tony. - Mr. & Mrs. Smith.
Identity mystery.
Then there's our Smith. Identity mystery.
And if it turns out the guy
charging porn and tractors on your credit card is a Smith,
- then that's identity mystery. - Uh, Tony?
Not now, probie. I'm almost done with this level.
[BEEPING]
Find out what's in the case yet, boss?
[SPLASH]
- Are you going to interrogate Kirby? - No.
That is a mistake. The longer we wait, the more time he has to--
I am going to be interrogating Kirby.
You and DiNozzo will be observing.
It takes a while for him to, uh, warm up to people, doesn't it?
Wanna know how to get on his good side?
- Of course. - Me too.
I didn't kill Jerry.
GIBBS: I know. We checked.
You were on base when it happened.
So can I go now?
Impersonating a petty officer.
That's a felony.
Lying during a federal investigation,
felony.
Resisting arrest.
That's a misdemeanour.
Not to mention what we have in that case downstairs.
You looked in the case?
Look, I was only trying to help. I swear to you.
It wasn't even my idea.
ZIVA: I doubt this has anything to do with espionage, Tony.
Kirby's far too stupid for this line of work.
Why did you two switch places?
Because Jerry,
he couldn't keep it in his damn pants.
Keep what in his pants?
[SCOFFS]
You're kidding, right?
Come on.
[HUMMING]
[SLAPPING]
Dancing?
- Yeah, dancing. GIBBS: What happened?
He'd been fooling around with this officer's wife over at Pearl.
One night, the officer came home early and caught him in the act.
He got a good look at Jerry's face, but he didn't recognise him.
[KIRBY LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Jerry wasn't worried.
He knew he was shipping out the next week
and they'd never met before.
That was the good news.
Until he got the bad news.
The husband was gonna be his C.O. in Norfolk.
Commander Morris.
KIRBY: Yes, sir.
Jerry only had four months left to an honourable discharge.
Morris would have made sure that didn't happen.
- Who else knew about it? KIRBY: No one.
That's why Jerry begged me to switch places with him.
Except I couldn't leave my job.
Delivering illegal goods.
Wait, I-- I mean, I didn't even know what was in the cases.
I was strictly transportation.
Hey, Kirby, they weren't exactly using FedEx.
- It was stupid, I know. - Yeah.
KIRBY: But the money was really good.
Life since the Navy has...
...been kind of hard on me.
- You never looked inside? KIRBY: No.
There were only two rules.
Be on time and...
...don't look in the cases.
Jerry, uh...
[KIRBY SWALLOWS]
I guess he looked.
Then they killed him for it.
I think-- I think I want to get a lawyer now.
[LAUGHING] Oh, yeah.
You're gonna need one.
Remember that smeared area that I thought was probably nothing?
Well, it probably might not be probably nothing.
I'm not saying a magic word, Abs.
Okay, this is the windshield of the vehicle.
See the smeared marks? There's four of them.
And they connect together. Now, step back and squint.
At what?
Just do it like when you're trying to figure out
the hidden message in the bad 3-D art at the fair.
This is important. Try to see the bigger picture for once.
See it?
- Maybe an M. - Yes, Gibbs, yes.
Those smears were smeared on purpose.
Now, these are the photographs
of Petty Officer Smith's body before it was washed.
He has blood on his right index finger.
There were no lacerations on that hand.
Petty Officer Smith used his finger to write a message in his own blood.
Sometimes people in the throes of death try to communicate.
Like that guy in the L.A. Metro Rail crash,
he wrote I love you to his wife in his blood.
- He lived. - He did.
But Petty Officer Smith is trying to tell us who killed him.
- What does M mean? TONY: Commander Morris.
MORRIS: How could you think that I had to do with his murder?
Because you found out he was the sailor sleeping with your wife.
- At Pearl. - Yes, commander, at Pearl Harbor.
That was Smith?
If I had known who he was, I would have killed him myself.
But I didn't. I was here that morning.
There's a dozen witnesses who will vouch for that.
[SIGHING] Surveillance camera at the main gate has Commander Morris
coming on base an hour before Smith's time of death.
- Leeway on time of death? - Ducky says 15, maybe 20 minutes.
Drive time to the crime scene?
Thirty minutes. Fifteen if you're driving.
Seven sailors in his office all verify he was in the supply unit
- until we showed up. - Where in the unit?
Mostly in his private office, behind closed doors.
Was there another exit? Could he have left unseen through a window?
Windows don't open, boss. Solid plate glass.
Morris couldn't have been at the crime scene.
- Yeah, I know that, McGee. - He knows that, McGee.
His murder has to be related to the delivery service.
Which we know nothing about.
Kirby claims he didn't know who he was working for.
Was Petty Officer Smith wearing his seat belt when he crashed?
[YELLING] Was Petty Officer Smith
wearing a seat belt?
McGEE & ZIVA: No, he wasn't. - Crash-test dummy, boss.
He was in an unnaturally contorted position.
Yes. Very, very unusual.
I can flip the image,
only if you want.
ZIVA: W. - What was the wife's name again?
ZIVA: It's Wendy.
Did you discover your husband was cheating on you, Wendy?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Must have been a real shock. You were so much in love with him.
The one decent man you've ever met wasn't really decent at all, was he?
That's not true.
He called you on the way to work. You weren't home.
I was. He called me at home.
ZIVA: Phone records show you forwarded your home phone to your cell.
He had no idea you followed him, Wendy.
He only worked a couple of days a week.
I wonder what he did with all the rest of that free time?
Did you know he cheated on me on our wedding day?
Our wedding day.
SMITH: Honey, honey, it's our anniversary.
McGEE: Great, thank you. Hah.
Well, that takes care of them all. Visa, MasterCard, AmEx, Diners.
Old cards cancelled, new ones reissued.
It only took me 200 phone calls.
You know what I find interesting?
- What? - That you actually have Diners.
- What's wrong with that? - I've never met anyone
who used Diners Club who wasn't wearing Depends.
It's a very hip piece of plastic, Tony.
Yes, in the year 1927.
Good news and bad news. The good news is I'm still cute.
Bad news, the bomb squad got a little trigger happy.
They blew up the metal box?
Do you have any idea what's beyond smithereens?
- Not a clue. - Me neither.
That's what we've got.
- There's not much I can do. - Nope.
Except put it back together.
Gibbs. It's in like a jillion pieces. That would take months.
It's the only link we have to that delivery service.
Yeah? Well you're not the one that has to put it back together, Officer David.
She doesn't like me, does she?
Nah.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
- Are you going home? - Not yet.
I thought I might be able to help you with that.
Do you have a degree in forensic science?
[SCOFFS]
No.
But I'm very good at jigsaw puzzles.
We'll see.