[♪ upbeat music playing]
[♪ music fades]
Justin, have you seen my wand? I swear it was right here,
but all I found is this one chopstick.
And I don't know why this is so unnerving,
but it's like, what kind of maniac
eats with just one chopstick?
-I have your wand. -Where are you going with this?
Well, I had an exciting idea for today's wizard lesson.
We're gonna pretend that, that chopstick is your wand.
Yeah, I see you're playing fast and loose with the word "exciting."
Billie, magic is a huge responsibility.
And you have a tendency to cast first
and ask questions later.
The Floogie, the erasing potion, the Phantomus.
Hey, that last one wasn't my fault.
He was following the magic that I wasn't supposed to be doing.
Okay, fine. I'll give you that one.
If I'm going to teach you to control your powers,
we need to focus on your spellcasting technique
before you can pick up your real wand again.
Now…
[sighs]
...raise your chopstick.
This really takes the fun out of magic.
Magic isn't supposed to be fun, okay?
This is serious business!
Now, look at the chart and repeat after me.
One, two, three, cast.
Once more with some feeling!
One, two, three, cast.
That's it! Yeah, that's it.
A hundred more times and you got this.
One, two, three, cast. One, two, three, cast.
Okay. Edgebonoutoosis.
Have fun. Well, I was talking to me.
[whispers] You're gonna be miserable.
Hey, Milo, what you doing?
Playing with Mr. Chompers.
I have to take him back to school tomorrow,
but he doesn't want to go.
-He said that? -Of course, not. He's a guinea pig.
Aw, he's so cute.
Isn't he cute, Justin?
Uh-oh.
A double? Really?
That was one of the first tricks
-Alex pulled on my dad. -Was it funny then?
-No! -Is it funny now?
No!
Billie, you need to learn something, okay?
With great power comes great responsibility.
-Hey, that's from-- -Me. Yep, I said it.
Just made it up. Right now.
[sighs] You've left me no choice, okay?
Give me your wand.
When you show me you can take magic seriously,
you'll get it back.
Uh... ancient spirits hear my plea, make him think I take magic--
Seriously?
Misusing a spell is not the solution.
I know. It just seems so much faster.
[♪ theme song playing]
♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ When you can have what you want ♪
♪ By the simplest of means ♪
♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪
♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ You might run into trouble If you go to extremes ♪
♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪
♪ Yes, please ♪
-♪ What it seems ♪ -[♪ theme song concludes]
Getting ready for school without magic takes forever.
Yeah, no way I'll figure that out.
Loafers it is!
Man, I can't believe Justin took my wand away
just because I said magic is fun.
It is fun.
I hope I'm not that serious when I'm 50.
Someone just needs to remind him what fun is.
[chuckles] This magical prank site will have something
that'll make even Justin Russo lighten up.
Okay, let's see. Shrink Box? Nah, too extreme!
Ooh, a Stink Box! The sounds, the smells.
If that doesn't make him laugh, there's no saving him.
What you doing?
Uh, not ordering things from a wizard website.
[scoffs] If that's what you think.
Hey, what's with the pillows?
It's dodgeball day in gym,
and these jerk bag kids, the "Dodge Brawlers,"
always annihilate us.
Normally, I just prepare emotionally,
but that doesn't help with the bruises,
so that's what these babies are for.
Well, you'll definitely get the stuffing knocked out of you.
Come on, I can't wait to get to school!
"Can't wait to get to school?"
Either I'm a positive influence on her or she's up to something.
[sighs]
[chair squeaks]
A Shrink Box?
She was ordering stuff from a wizard website.
She is up to-- Ooh, new item section.
Magic "Muscle Shirt."
"Magically gives you more muscles than you know what to do with."
Well, I know what to do with it.
I know exactly what to do with it!
Mom, I don't think I can take Mr. Chompers back to school today.
He has chicken pox.
-He's a guinea pig. -Okay, he has guinea pig pox.
Either way, he can't go back to school.
[chuckles sarcastically]
Nice try, sweetie, but we've talked about this.
You're just not ready to have a pet.
Besides, Mr. Chompers belongs to your class.
Fine, but if the entire fifth grade gets guinea pig pox, it's on you.
Giada, you're not going to believe this.
Superintendent Kowalski just emailed.
He wants to interview me today.
This is my chance to become principal.
-Like, permanently! -Oh, babe, that's amazing!
I know. I told him I was so ready. [chuckles]
But I am so not ready. I gotta get ready.
Milo! Milo, come downstairs!
I gotta get to school! Like, if… if you see Milo,
tell him downstairs now, because I gotta…
I'm right here.
Don't worry, honey. He won't leave without you.
Actually, he can't. He forgot his keys.
I guess this is it, Mr. Chompers.
Unless…
This will work.
[Mr. Chompers squeaks]
There you go, buddy.
I'll be back as soon as I can.
Well, after three.
They won't let me out before three.
I'm glad you changed.
I was not gonna talk to you dressed like that.
-Hey, guys. -Hey, Winter, what's up?
But… but you'll talk to her dressed like that?
Yeah, she can pull it off.
[Justin over P.A.] Billie? [clears throat] My office. Now!
What'd you do this time?
Nothing. Just sent your dad a little something to lighten the mood.
-He can take a joke, right? -Totally.
People say I get my sense of humor from him.
Oh, no, I'm doomed.
[Justin over P.A.] Billie, I really need you to come to my office.
I'm serious!
Of course, you're serious. You're always serious!
She's so lucky she's getting out of dodgeball.
I couldn't sleep last night. I woke up five times.
Well, one was 'cause I had to pee.
And two were 'cause my little brothers were sleep fighting.
And the fourth time was
'cause I left my window open, and an owl flew in.
But the fifth time was definitely about dodgeball.
Ooh, that got here fast.
Winter, I've got a feeling the Dodge Brawlers
are in for a big surprise.
Did you get them a gift so they wouldn't pummel you?
Can I put my name on the card?
Roman, put my name on the card!
[Billie] Oh.
[sniffs]
And for a Stink Box, I expect a little more stink.
Dang it!
The prank I sent to Justin must have been a dud.
-[Justin] Billie! -Justin?
[in high pitched voice] What did you do?
Why do you think I did this?
You just said, "The prank that I sent Justin
must have been a dud!"
Man, I really need to stop talking to myself out loud.
What are you looking at?
I can't believe you sent me a Shrink Box!
No, I sent you a Stink Box
to show you magic doesn't have to be so serious all the time.
You know, as a joke.
Does this look like a joke to you?
Don't answer that.
I don't get it.
When I ordered it, I'm sure I clicked on…
Oh, no.
Uh-huh.
Hey, in my defense, they shouldn't put Shrink Box
and Stink Box right next to each other.
It makes no sense.
It's in alphabetical order. It makes all of the sense.
This is exactly what I was talking about.
You aren't being responsible with your magic!
[sighs] But I can be. I can fix this.
I'll just…
I took your wand.
You took my wand.
Why'd you have to take my wand?
Really? You need a bigger example than this?
[chuckles] Bigger.
Sorry.
New plan. We'll just go back to the lair,
and put you back to normal size before anyone realizes you shrunk.
-There's just one tiny problem. -[laughs] Tiny!
Hey, you're the one that keeps saying these things.
I can't leave right now. I'm supposed to do a video call
with Superintendent Kowalski in five minutes.
He's gonna interview me for the principal's position.
I've been waiting for this opportunity for years!
-Okay, I've got a plan. -What's your plan?
I'll send Superintendent Kowalski a Shrink Box, too,
and you'll be the same size.
What's his address?
Billie!
Don't worry.
I'll think of something. I got your back.
This is bad. I gotta fix this.
"My dream job." Perfect!
Next to Justin, this stuff will look full size.
Okay, "astronaut, race car driver…"
What, doesn't anyone want a desk job anymore?
There's gotta be one kid who's shooting for the middle.
Paralegal.
Don't know what that is, but I'm bored just looking at it.
Way to come through, Jonathan R.
[♪ rock music playing]
[♪ music concludes]
Do the Dodge Brawlers look bigger today?
Or angrier? Or bigger and angrier?
I'm not really comfortable with any combination of those things.
Roman?
[♪ rock music playing]
[♪ music fades]
Today, we take the Dodge Brawlers down!
Whoa, you are yoked!
Is a thing I never thought I'd say about you.
[whispers] It's a magic Muscle Shirt.
I ordered it off a wizard website. Guess what it does?
Gives you the strength of all those muscles?
Yeah, okay, I guess that was obvious.
Don't you think people will notice you suddenly look like a superhero?
Luckily, I've gone to great lengths to never show my bare arms in gym.
For all they know, I've always looked like this.
Let's dodgeball.
-That's a basketball. -Oh.
Now! Let's dodgeball!
[whistles]
[grunts]
Sorry, Coach.
[whistles weakly]
[students] Ooh!
Roman, this is your moment! Say something cool!
Who wants to have a ball?
That wasn't it! Just hit him! Hit him!
[yells]
[grunts loudly]
[grunts]
[students cheer]
I did it! I beat the Dodge Brawlers!
I'm a legend!
[chanting] Roland! Roland! Roland! Roland! Roland!
-They're chanting my name. -They're chanting "Roland."
Close enough!
[chanting] Roland! Roland! Roland! Roland!
[computer line ringing]
[clears throat] Good afternoon, Superintendent Kowalski.
What's wrong with your voice?
You sound like you swallowed a dog toy.
You weren't chewing on a dog toy, were you, Russo?
Uh... [chuckles] I just…
-[imitates sneeze] -A cold. [chuckles]
I… I just have a cold.
Oh, well, don't sneeze. It grosses me out.
Look, I have some news about Principal Finley.
He's dead.
-What? -To me. Dead to me.
Joker went on vacation and decided never to come back.
So, how would you like to be the new principal of Greenwald Middle?
-It would be an honor, sir. -[chuckles] Whoa.
Slow your roll, Russo.
Job's not yours yet. Convince me.
I put a lot of thought into this.
I… I just need my note cards. [chuckles]
Oh, right.
Hurry up. I'm on the free version of video chat here.
You have three minutes and four ads to make your case.
Here we go. So, in conclusion, I--
No, no! Not "in conclusion." I haven't even started.
This is getting real weird real fast.
You know what? Just forget it.
Forget it? You don't tell me to forget it.
I tell you to forget it. And don't you forget it!
Look, Mr. Kowalski, this isn't going the way that I planned,
but I assure you, I am a straight shooter.
No one will take this job more seriously than me.
No explaining that.
[cheering]
What is going on?
Time to shred!
[grunts loudly]
[cheers]
Roman, what are you doing?
Giving the people what they want.
And it turns out people want smashing
-and shredding here! -[cheers]
Okay, it is definitely time to take that shirt off.
Not a chance!
This is the most fun I've had at school,
since they added A-plus-plus to the grading system.
-[grunts] -[all cheer]
Come on, Roman. There's a new librarian.
If we make friends with her, she'll let us keep our books out longer.
I used to think things like that were important.
Then I got these!
-[grunts] -[all cheering]
What's gotten into you?
The only thing bigger than those muscles is your ego.
Hey, thanks.
You know that wasn't a compliment.
Oh-ho!
A 64-ouncer! Let's do this.
-[grunts] -[metal crunching]
I'm totally crushing it!
[chuckles] Get it? Crushing it?
I got it, but I don't think I want it.
[chuckles] Yeah, you do.
[sighs] It's good to be home.
-[Justin] Ow! -[gasps] Sorry.
Are you okay?
Better now that I'm out of there.
Do you have to swing your backpack so much on the way home?
I was trying to act casual.
I don't want anyone to think I had a tiny person in there.
Why would anyone think that you-- You know what?
Just forget it. Can we get to the lair?
You got it. And listen,
I'm really sorry about what happened with-- Kowalski!
Hello.
I'm looking for Justin Russo.
And I am really regretting leaving the door open.
[♪ upbeat music playing]
So, is Russo here or not?
You gotta put me down before he sees me!
What do you think I'm trying to do?
Who are you talking to?
Uh... My… myself.
You… you know, teenagers, always talking to ourselves.
You were once a teenager, right?
So I've been told.
Look, I tried to reach Russo at school, but he wasn't there.
Um, I can give him your message.
Do you really want to be the one to tell him
that he's not right for the principal job?
[Billie] Wait, what?
But Justin really wants that job.
Oh, well, in that case, I'll give it to him.
-Really? -No!
Look, he's a great vice principal,
and he's been doing a great job as acting principal,
but today, I just get the sense
that there's something going on behind my back.
It's a little lower than that.
[♪ smooth rock music playing]
[♪ music concludes]
Let me help you with that.
-[metal rips] -[grunts]
You're welcome.
I see you're still wearing the shirt.
Oh, yeah! Never taking this puppy off.
Thought you'd say that.
I just wanted to warn you, the Dodge Brawlers
have been telling everyone they want a rematch.
Who cares? I'll take 'em down anywhere, anytime.
Oh, wow, what a coincidence.
Looks like they're right here, right now.
Good. I just wish there was a bigger crowd.
-This is for your own good. -What?
Ah, go get him, big guy!
[grunts, yells]
These are my essay writing arms, not my dodgeball arms!
Can we reschedule?
No, we have to face them, Roman.
-But I need my muscles. -No, you don't.
Those muscles made you as bad as those jerk bags.
I was scared of them too,
but beating them with magic isn't the answer.
-Is running away the answer? -No!
We can win this without magic.
All right. Let's do this.
Whoo!
We should not have done that.
We not only lost the game, we lost our dignity.
And I think I lost a tooth.
Nope, still there. Just not where it was before.
I still can't figure out what happened to my Muscle Shirt.
Oh, that was me.
You did that?
Why?
I wanted the old Roman back.
And the old Roman doesn't fight his battles with magic.
He loses fair and square.
Feels like you're being sincere, so I'm gonna let that one slide.
I guess all those muscles did go to my head.
But that rematch against the Brawlers could have been the end of us.
But it wasn't. The end of us is still a terrifying mystery.
Like it's meant to be.
So, wanna go make friends with the new librarian?
Yeah, but I'm pretty sure
she's gonna make you pay for that book you tore in half.
Mr. Kowalski, you have to give Justin another chance.
[chuckles] No, I need to trust my gut.
That guy is flakier than a croissant.
A delicious buttery croissant.
Dang, I picked the wrong day to cut carbs!
Psst!
What are you doing? If he sees me, he'll know we're wizards.
If he leaves, you'll never be principal.
Those don't feel like the same stakes.
You know what? Just get him away from the mirror,
so I can get to the lair!
[gasps] Uh...
Mr. Kowalski, I think you left your headlights on.
I did?
Wait a minute. It's the middle of the day.
And I walked here.
Uh... Hey, wanna go check out the water stain on the kitchen island?
-It looks just like Bruno Mars. -Bruno Mars?
I love that guy.
No, I'm here on official business.
And like Mother always said, when you crush a grown man's dreams,
you do it in person.
Look, it's my fault Justin was acting weird today.
He didn't think I was being serious
about my lessons, so I pulled a prank on him.
[chuckles] Hey, who doesn't love a good prank?
Oh, yes, me.
But Justin was only doing what's best for me.
I don't want to be the reason he misses out on this chance.
He's never given up on me, so don't give up on him.
[sniffles] That is so sweet.
But why was his desk made of choc-sickle sticks?
It was a gift from his students, because they love him so much.
Love, huh? I wonder how that feels.
[sighs] I need to get to the mirror faster!
[Mr. Chompers squeaks]
Oh, Mr. Chompers, you're huge!
Oh, no, wait, I'm tiny.
Just the right size to ride a guinea pig!
Man, this is a weird day.
So, you'll give Justin another chance?
Fine, but I better not see any more shenanigans from him.
[Mr. Chompers squeaking]
-[♪ triumphant music playing] -Whoo-hoo!
Go, Chompers! Ride like the wind! [laughs]
You… you will not regret this, especially if you keep facing that way.
Oh, so you're the weird one.
Now I get it.
-[♪ music continues] -[laughs]
Whoo-hoo! Now leap, Chompers! Leap to the mirror!
Wait, why are you stopping? Whoa!
[♪ music concludes]
[exhales deeply]
Superintendent Kowalski.
Russo, today's your lucky day.
This young lady has convinced me to give you a second chance.
Of course, she did. She always has my back.
Mm.
You know, for a serious guy,
you were having a lot of fun riding on that guinea pig.
Oh, I was? It was the best.
Russo, I don't have all day.
Coming, sir.
Show yourself into my kitchen, right?
Now that was an interview! Didn't even feel like two hours.
Yeah. [chuckles] Felt like two days.
Congratulations, Principal Russo.
[sighs] Principal Russo.
Oh, look at that. I got goosebumps.
Oh, uh...
Before I forget.
Wait, but I didn't take magic seriously.
I shrank you.
You did, but, you spent the rest of the day helping me.
And that was seriously cool of you.
-Thanks. -[chuckles]
Milo, you are in so much trouble.
Do you know what your son did?
From the guinea pig running around our house,
I can put two and two together.
I led with my heart. No regrets.
-I have some good news. -You nailed the interview.
-Of course, I did! [chuckles] -[cheers, chuckles]
Well, there was one tiny little problem.
[laughs]
Now that I have the job, I can laugh at that. [laughs]
Love a good pun.
What happened to you?
I tried to use magic, and it blew up in my face.
Yeah, it'll do that to you.