[distant, growing instrumental]
[electronic voice] Five, four, three, two, one.
[The Man] I've been having the same dream over and over.
[exhales shakily]
I'm in my bed, and someone's in the room with me.
It's the first person I've seen in a long time.
Before I know it, he has a pillow over my face
and I'm being smothered blue.
Fuck, fuck!
[muffled grunting]
[muffled shouting]
-[Erica gasps loudly] -Ah, fuck!
-[Erica grunts] -Erica.
Holy shit. Wake up.
Wake up. What happened?
It was just a nightmare.
It's okay.
It's okay. You're okay.
What was the nightmare?
I don't know.
I don't even remember what was happening.
You okay?
Yeah.
I just forgot who I was for a second.
[The Man] You're Erica Martin.
Mother-to-be.
Four more months.
[The Man chuckles]
[The Man] Isn't it weird--
Sorry, I'll turn the light on. I know you hate it, I'm sorry.
I just gotta get this out. Isn't it weird
when you wake up from, like, a really deep sleep
and it's like you just came from another dimension?
It's like-- it's like, where was I?
You know, it's just like the overlord's finished
uploading your memories in your brain. [chuckles]
I was going down the YouTube rabbit hole
after watching that Elon Musk interview,
the one about the simulations. I mean, I don't--
I mean, I don't even really believe it, but...
I don't know, I just couldn't stop watching
video after video after video.
And it's so weird, because all the same people who say
that they're atheists are the same exact people
who say we're living in a giant computer program,
and it's like, yeah, dude, you're talking about God.
But even then, I don't know. I mean, it's like--
I feel like--
I feel like that's why I feel like I'm smart or something,
because I won't go either way with it, you know?
Like, I'm just pretty good saying, like, "I don't know."
[The Man sighs]
Erica?
I'm sorry.
I just really need to sleep.
[The Man] Are you mad at me?
No. I just need to sleep.
[The Man] Okay.
Is she kicking? Has she been kicking?
Erica, has she been kicking?
[introspective music]
♪
I think everything goes back to 9/11.
I mean, like, no shit. Duh.
But, like, if you look at the trajectory of everything
that happened after that, like, specific events
and when they occurred, it's like, you just--
you can't believe that things happened when they happened.
Right? I mean, and, like, I have a hard time remembering
anything before 9/11 that wasn't, like, sports
or, like, going and hanging out with friends,
but that was, like-- that was kind of, like,
when I stopped having friends as much, because, like,
I was in college, and I wasn't, like,
going to parties or anything.
I mean, like, not on 9/11. I wasn't--
on 9/11, I wasn't going to any parties. I just--
I just-- But it's so weird because, like, Y2K, right?
Like, I was 18-- 18? Yeah, 'cause, like--
Yeah, 'cause I was going into senior year,
and it was, like, second semester?
Or second quarter. It's third quarter.
Do you guys have quarters? Anyway, it was just
this big joke, 'cause it was like, "Y2K, oh, my gosh.
Like, planes are gonna fall out of the sky."
But, like, nothing happened, right? Like, literally nothing.
But it's crazy because then I was, like, watching YouTube
and watching all these videos, and all these guys--
or, like, one guy-- one guy actually was saying
that, like, it was a problem, but nothing happened
because they'd been working on it for years.
How-- how have you been? Sorry.
-Sorry. -I'm good.
Uh, you know, just hanging in there.
Sorry, I just, uh-- Ow, sorry. Do you mind-- Can I-- I'm gonna
-take this off right now. -Sure.
Sorry, you said you're hanging in there?
Yeah. You know, like, family, work, same stuff.
It's good to see you out and about.
Yeah. You know, it's kind of like a learning curve for me.
Like, it's not-- I'm not, like-- You know.
Still kind of gutting it out, you know,
but still also trying to get out there, you know?
This whole thing, like, we're all headed for this,
like, massive collapse, and just seeing that narrative
in the media is just, like, way too much for me.
-I agree completely, man. -Yeah, I mean, like,
I don't even believe it, right? Like, it's not even true.
Like, I mean, at the end of the day,
I think we're all better than that, aren't we?
I mean, the problem is like we're all just so fuckin'--
sorry-- we're all so freakin' impressionable that, like,
we're just trying to sink our teeth into
whatever the next thing is. Like, I was watching, again,
YouTube, and there was this Malcolm Gladwell interview
where he was talking about, like, social contagions
and how, like, everything in our culture is just sort of,
like, a result of the power of suggestion, really.
Like, everything, from, like...
I don't know, catchphrases to, like, song lyrics.
Like, you name it, right? I mean, like anxiety, right?
I mean, like, we're an anxiety-filled culture,
we're an anxiety-filled society, and, like, I have anxiety.
I'm sure you have anxiety. [stammering]
I just-- Sometimes I wish it would just, like, be quiet.
You know? I just wish it would just kind of, like, quiet down.
[scoffs]
[insect buzzing]
So that was, like-- So like I was saying, it was, like, 2000.
I don't even-- Like, what was 2000?
You got Elián González. You got, like,
the first X-Men movie comes out, you got, like--
obviously, like, the Timothy McVeigh execution.
Or, like-- That actually-- that might've been 2001.
But I can't even remember anything else about 2001, right?
Like, except-- Oh, it was Clinton's last year in office.
Oh, my gosh, Florida. Hanging chads,
Bush wins the election, and then cut to nine months later.
[dramatic music]
[woman] Right in the middle of the building.
And right now, that-- Yes, that was definitely--
It looked like it was on purpose.
[The Man] I'm watching this shit, and I'm, like,
saying the same thing that they're saying on TV.
It's like this is a fuckin' movie. I'm just speechless.
I mean, you remember. Like, there's people
running down the street in throngs, you know? And--
You expect Godzilla to come
running around the corner, you know?
Wait, isn't it crazy that, like--
Yeah, like, right now we're 26 years removed from Godzilla.
The Matthew Broderick one. You remember that?
That was only three years earlier.
And so right now we're 26 years away from Godzilla,
but when Godzilla came out,
we were 26 years away from, like, The Godfather.
Wait, Godzilla, The Godfather. [laughs]
I just-- I remember walking into school,
and there was this guy and he was standing on a bench,
and he was just standing on this bench yelling, like,
"We're all gonna die," right?
And it was, again, like this big joke,
but we had all just watched two planes go into two buildings
on live TV, and then two more planes crash,
and 3,000 people are dead, and this guy is just
on this park bench in the school just screaming,
"We're all gonna die." I mean...
I mean, I laughed, but it was 'cause I was nervous, you know?
Do you think that's how Americans deal with,
like, really bad shit? Like, we just make fun of it?
Like, "Ha-ha-ha, it's not happening."
But then, like, you remember after that, like,
everywhere you went, there were just flags everywhere.
Right? I mean, like, it was just--
It was like the terrorists have done what no one else could do:
bring America together, you know?
[reporter] Patriotism has been spreading across America.
America is united. We are stronger than ever.
[The Man] And Bush had, like, a 90% approval rating.
Like, which you can't, like-- you could never--
Nothing has 90% approval now.
Like, maybe orgasms, but, like, not everyone, right?
I mean, everyone was just, like, fucking gacked
on this idea of America, right? Like, that's my point. Like--
And it was after being blindsided.
After-- after losing.
You know? I mean, that's just...
I mean, it's kind of beautiful
when you think about it, you know?
You know, it's funny, you could see when Bush
was giving that bullhorn speech thing at Ground Zero,
he was-- you know, he was doing his spiel.
And the people who knocked these buildings down
-will hear all of us soon. -[crowd cheering]
[The Man] And it's subtle,
but he puts the bullhorn back up to say something,
but he stops himself because
everyone is chanting "USA, USA, USA."
[crowd] USA! USA! USA!
[The Man] I mean, that's any president's bread and butter.
I mean, if you get the people to start chanting that,
and then you throw a curveball at the World Series?
[crowd cheering]
I just kind of have an excellent memory for this kind of shit,
and, like, that's what it is. I mean, I, like--
Like, I see everything in my head,
and then when I'm not talking, I hear everything, you know?
And I'm sure-- I'm sure there's something I could do about it,
but I kind of like it, you know?
I'm sure you have, like, an internal monologue.
-Like... -"Internal monologue."
Wait, what do you mean by that?
Uh, like-- just, like, words in your head? Like...
Like, when you read a book, what happens?
Oh, I have to read it out loud. I don't hear words.
-Like, ever? -No, I run my finger
along the page and read it out loud.
That's how my process works. It's-- I mean, it sounds--
I guess now that I'm saying it, it sounds strange,
'cause I'm like, I see the word, but--
[The Man] I know I talk too much and it's weird,
but I can't stop it. I mean, it already feels
unsafe and unsettling for me to be going out and meeting
with people at this point, and I just talk way too much
when I'm nervous, and now I don't even know
if it's bad that I'm talking to myself too much. I mean,
he doesn't even look like he knows what I'm talking about
with the internal monologue thing.
[melancholy music]
I can't stop thinking about this timeline thing.
Something that's nagging me when I think about the year 2001
is the movie Vanilla Sky.
Which, like, why am I thinking about that movie?
I mean, it was weird when Tom Cruise was walking around
in an empty Times Square. I mean, it wasn't weird then.
It was just like, "How do they do that?
You can't shut down Times Square."
Yeah, you can't shut down Times Square
unless you're Hollywood or a deadly virus.
♪
And then I thought about this video they showed us
in Ecology when I was in college.
It was this PSA about a family
that lives near a gas plant or a factory or something
that if it exploded, like, real serious shit happens.
And the whole video is about shelter-in-place.
I mean, you've got the mom and the dad and the kids
literally fucking taping up all the cracks in the house,
and it's like, cut to...
just one more echo of the future out of the past.
♪
Maybe America is playing out a giant self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think we'd like to dig ourselves a hole
and then see if we can climb up.
Otherwise, the media wouldn't tee us up like they do.
-[woman] It was a scary sight. -Watch out!
[The Man] Like, this station has people running for their lives.
This station has an ad for a show
that has a school shooting or something.
An ad about school shootings?
Brought to you by Gillette or something? I don't understand.
Probably. Probably. Honestly.
[announcer] It can happen at any school at any time.
Tomorrow it's happening at Boston Public.
The point is they're just all this sensationalist stuff,
but if they're not on purpose trying to connect
advertising and death and killing, like, I don't know--
They 100% are. That's the point of it.
-Right, but it's-- -That's great. That's money.
It's not just Hollywood, though, man.
They've always got two things going on.
If there's a big one, you have to look for the other one.
So for instance, like Iraq. Right?
Like the country.
-Yes, the country. Yes. -Okay. I'm with you.
I'm 100% on board with everything you're saying.
Got it. Iraq, right. So then you turn on CNN
and Anderson Cooper's doing this super-duper
stars and stripes war special that everyone is doing.
I don't know who that is, but continue.
He's got this lady on there and he's asking about WMDs,
and how do we know that there are WMDs? What's the proof?
Is there any way to know for sure
whether or not this is true?
Well, of course, what-- [stammers]
The lady's, like-- She didn't have any answers.
Right? 'Cause it didn't happen, right?
But if you look at the bottom,
there's this little scrawl, that thing.
-Sure. -It says "mystery pneumonia."
Wait, you read the thing at the bottom?
-Yes! -People read that?
-There's the war in Iraq... -Okay.
...and then there's a mystery pneumonia going around.
-All right. -Does that sound
like anything to you?
It sounds like the words that you just said.
[The Man] It's-- it's SARS!
You're-- You don't remember this, dude? SARS.
[stammers] It almost--
We almost had to skip our senior year of college.
What does this have to do with COVID? I don't know--
It is COVID! It's COVID.
It's COVID. It's another coronavirus. It happened.
I believe you. It didn't happen, but sure, I'll believe you.
It did-- it did happen,
but it didn't happen because of the war in Iraq.
Where are you getting any of this information?
Where are you absorbing this from?
This little ticker, did it tell you that?
Did you read that and it said it?
Besides just, like--
besides just, like, living life, it's from videos on YouTube.
-Yeah, see, it's YouTube. -Don't do that.
-No, no, no, 'cause you said--
[overlapping arguing]
Whenever you're ready, I'll take care of that.
-I appreciate it. -Yeah, I got it.
-No, no, no. Nah. -Don't do that.
-I got it. I got it.
-Are you sure? -Yeah, man, I got it.
Don't even worry about it, dude.
Okay.
Okay. Listen, man, here's the thing.
I wanna talk about this for a long time, but I got to go, man.
I got some shit I have to do. I love you.
-You're perfect in every way. -Okay.
Listen, I got this new wife, right? She's fucking Chechnyan.
She has, like, 18 uncles. They're all in my house.
They killed a goat the other day. Just killed it.
They just brought it home.
I thought it was there as, like, a pet,
and then they fucking killed it and we ate the entire thing.
And I shouldn't have said about the wife, man. I'm sorry.
-That was insensitive of me. -No, no, no, that's okay.
-I shouldn't have said anything. -That's all right.
Look, look, it's fine. I'm fine.
I'm fine.
It's been a little bit.
-You're gonna-- -I-- I don't have a wife.
You have a wife, and goats, and a whole family.
We don't have the goat anymore.
[tense music]
[The Man] Why would he apologize for mentioning his wife?
The thing with me and Erica was--
was three years ago, that doesn't make any sense.
What am I supposed to say when people bring her up?
She never told me what she needed, and now it's over.
-It's over. -Wha-- Um--
What do you mean, it's over?
Those are her words, not mine.
I wasn't ready yet.
I don't control everything. People act like I'm supposed to.
Unless this is a Truman Show situation
where everyone is pretending I'm not the main character,
which, in that case, everyone has a script,
which, in that case, since I've wised up, so to speak,
they would have no way of staying on the planned script.
♪
I was talking to my good buddy about this, and--
You don't know him. He's never been in here.
But, like, we were talking about how, like,
it's not all about war and conflict,
but it's about what's going on in between
the seams of war and conflict. Like 2003, right?
Like, Iraq's falling apart. You remember that?
Yes.
[explosions booming]
I don't wanna get into it if you don't remember it.
-I remember, honey. -Okay. All right, cool.
Okay, 'cause, like, so 2003, Iraq's falling apart.
They're tearing down the Saddam statue, right?
But at the same time, Anthony Fauci...
-I've never heard of him. -...is on TV.
I don't know who you're talking about.
Coronavirus.
We're not sure whether it's the virus itself
that's causing all the damage in the lungs of the individual
or if it's the virus together
with what would be a normal immune response.
I don't know-- I mean, he was just saying all the same things
he said this time, but I don't know if people, like,
just didn't remember, or--
I mean, my friend had never even heard of SARS, right?
-No. -But, like, it's been
right there in the name for four years.
-[man] The SARS outbreak... -[woman 1] The SARS outbreak...
-[woman 2] This outbreak... -...wearing a mask.
[woman 3] SARS-CoV-2 infects humans.
SARS-CoV-2. That's what they're calling it.
So Fauci's saying it. Like, the news is saying it.
They're telling everybody to, like, wash their hands.
But this is what we're talking about, that there's
all this crazy stuff going on at exactly, exactly the same time.
Are we prepared for any kind of epidemic?
-Do those masks really work? -Masks do work.
[The Man] At the same time, Cabin Fever comes out,
and you got the main character running around,
and he's, like, literally screaming, like...
-Don't come near me! Stop! -Jeff!
Stop! I don't wanna get sick.
I don't want any of us getting sick.
But you two fucking fuckers insist on touching her.
Now she's bleeding all over both of you guys.
So you two can fucking rot.
But not me. No fucking way!
And not only that, but then, 28 Days Later--
-You remember that movie? -No.
I haven't heard of that cabin one, either.
It doesn't matter. It's zombies, end of the world.
It's, like, empty streets. It's fine.
But it's-- So on the one hand,
you've got this movie about, like, a viral illness, right?
And on the other hand, you have a zombie movie
where a guy is standing in the middle of, like,
an empty London, which looks exactly like COVID lockdown,
and, like, Cillian Murphy-- You know him.
-No. What's he in? -Uh, Oppenheimer.
-Nope. -Inception?
-Nope. -Batman Begins.
Yes, I have seen that one.
Oh, wait, no, not the Jack Nicholson one.
-Oh. Then no. -It doesn't matter.
It's just, if you just look at it, it's like we were
being prepared for it. You know? For everything.
And we kind of-- like, we kind of were, if you think about it.
-Right? -Hmm.
That is definitely something to think about.
[The Man] I remember seeing the movie Can't Hardly Wait
in high school, and I didn't know Erica yet,
and it was, like, the epitome of hope
in terms of, like, what unrequited love is.
And the song "How's It Going to Be,"
that was, like, the promotional tool for the movie in every ad,
and it was like, man, as a 17-year-old,
you're like, "This is what love is. This is my future."
But it's about a breakup. The irony of the movie is that
the song is about a guy wanting, I think,
to break up with a girl, but in the movie,
the guy wants to be with the girl.
I mean, maybe that's why it works.
The song guy literally knows he can't take anymore,
but the movie guy represents the chords and the performance,
and it's impeccable. I mean, the lyrics:
"A silence I can't ignore,
like the hammock by the doorway we spent in swings empty."
And you just feel like, "Jesus, I just wanna stop,
look out the window, and just allow myself to genuinely
feel that bad for once and just sit in it,
even if it makes my guts and heart
warm and content with sadness."
[announcer] Students and film lovers,
welcome to This Is A Film: The Masterclass
with your teacher.
Okay, this is simply an exercise,
so don't worry about anything. Just go for it.
Listen, young lady. I've given you quite some time
to get your act together, but it's not getting through
your thick skull, is it?
Oh! Oh, no. I'm sorry, baby.
Daddy loves you. Don't cry.
Hey, please. Hey, don't cry.
You've been at home with me this whole time.
Stop fucking with me.
You haven't been getting treatment...
Okay, okay, just-- Here, hold up.
No, it's good, you're just--
-you're indicating a little. -Ah, shit. Okay.
-Sorry. -No, it's okay.
[ominous music]
-Hey, what's up, man? -Hey, Johnny. How you doing?
You're looking at it.
Yeah. Are you working on anything?
Uh, well, you know, I had some stuff lined up, but,
uh, alone together. Safer inside.
This is just an exercise, but just, um,
let's pretend you're in a hammock with your family,
and so maybe there's a wife and a daughter,
and you're just-- you're having a great time.
[gentle music]
I can't say this all drove me to drink,
but it drove me to have another drink.
Ah, yes. The drinking.
-Hey! -Everyone was drinking.
Hi!
What are you drinking?
Oh, my God! No, you're on mute.
[The Man] It was fun the first month because it was like
getting another chance at grade school summer break
or something, but, yeah, a few months passed,
and I guess I'm not allowed to have fun anymore.
It's a problem.
Like a watching-YouTube-alone-at
3:00-a.m.-six-drinks-in-problem
One day you're gonna realize you are the homeless dude.
The One World government is taking everything we have.
Are you just gonna stand there and let it happen,
or are you gonna rise up and do what you gotta do?
-Hi, I'm Jonathan Lipnicki. -Lipnicki!
In a world full of instant gratification,
it's crucial to know that is not the way.
The way is Uncle Mind.
[woman] Pay attention.
[Jonathan] The way is Uncle Mind.
-[woman] Pay attention. -The way is Uncle Mind.
-[woman] Pay attention. -Holy shit. What the fuck?
[woman] Pay attention. Listen.
[The Man] The people I know-- or at least the ones
who I saw in little squares on the Internet--
they all have a problem too.
Maybe they still don't know.
Oh. I drink too much.
Oh, yeah. No, absolutely.
-Um, but I-- -Me too. What?
-Oh. -Sorry.
-Are you okay? -Sorry. You cut out?
-I'll go. -No, I was just--
-[laughs] Wha-- -Yeah, no--
-It's okay. No, no, no, just-- -Sorry.
Uh, here. I thought-- What?
[woman laughing]
Uh, how's Erica?
It's over.
[The Man] Stay inside. Stay apart.
We're alone together.
Pass the time. Watch the news. Stay up to date.
Hi, Mom.
Mom, really, I'm okay.
Well, I just said I was okay.
I am getting out there, I just--
It's just not the time right now.
It's only been three years, Mom.
No, Mom, I don't need therapy.
Okay?
No, I don't need you to pay for it.
Mom! God, I have money. You know that.
Mom, I'm-- Mmm.
I'm sorry, Mom.
Please stop crying.
[dramatic music]
[low, tense music]
♪
[sobbing]
I was gonna call it off, but one thing led to another,
and she did before I could.
It's over.
[Erica sobbing] I'm so sorry.
[The Man] We had a miscarriage,
and things really just were never the same.
I mean, we told each other we'd never leave each other,
but those are just words.
[weeping, mumbling] I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
[sniffles] I'm so sorry...
[Erica sobbing, sniffling]
[The Man] I think this is still really about losing the baby.
[Erica] Yeah, maybe it is.
[The Man] Well, you're not acting normally.
Okay? This isn't normal. We've been-- I mean,
it's been two years, and we keep trying and trying.
I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do anymore. Okay?
[Erica] Look, I'm not blaming you, I don't even know--
-I didn't say you're blaming me. -[Erica] I'm blaming myself.
[The Man] Don't blame yourself either! I just--
Look, all-- all I can try to do, okay, is support you and
love you and tell you all the things I'm supposed to tell you.
I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying anymore,
but it's just-- Look, you just keep being selfish
and acting like you're the only person who's lost anything.
I'm sorry.
[Erica] I don't even know what to say to that.
[The Man] You don't-- you don't have to say anything to that.
I just said I'm sorry, Erica.
Fuck.
[gentle instrumental music]
Maybe we've all died before and just didn't know it.
Maybe it's like waking up from a dream.
Then right when your time comes,
you wake up somewhere else.
All I can think is not only has everyone already
forgotten what I went through,
but they may never have even thought about it.
Some days I think someone's gonna call
and ask how I'm doing, but that's all over.
[mid-tempo rock music]
I guess generally I'm just-- I've just been so caught up
with the news and my own personal shit that I just--
I don't wanna watch the news anymore,
and so I can't even tell any of my friends about it.
Or, I mean, if they even are friends. I just--
I-- I kind of think that everyone just sort of
feels sorry for me because of what happened with Erica,
and, I mean, I'm a grown-up, and that shit happens all the time,
and, I mean, I was gonna leave her, so...
We're talking about two separate things here.
Yeah, but I want to talk about what-- what I'm--
what I'm working through, which is-- which is--
trying to figure out how I can be 42,
and the last 20 years of my life can be a blur
but completely consequential, and I can't talk to anybody
about it except the person that I pay to talk about it.
I mean, I try to talk to my friends, and-- and--
and other people about what I'm thinking,
but I just, I don't think-- I don't think they care.
What are some of the things that you're telling these people?
I-- I don't want to get into it.
You quite literally just said that you did.
What? It's too overwhelming now.
I just, I-- I was on a roll, and you stopped me.
I didn't mean to stop you.
I just meant to keep you on track.
I've just-- I've just been trying to figure out
how everything got to where it is, you know?
And it's not like rocket science.
I mean, if...
I mean, if I look at everything the country's been through
-ever since this fricking... -Mm-hmm?
[whispering] This-- This virus, you know?
And my-- my-- my premise is that everything--
-Why are you whispering? -Sorry.
Every-- My-- My theory is that everything that happened
that matters for now, happened between 9/11 and COVID,
which is like-- [clears throat]
it's 20 years-- hmm!
And I was with Erica for 20 years, and I just--
[coughing violently]
I think you're seeing the first step and the last step,
and they're very far apart, but your brain is making them
feel like they are right next to each other, hmm.
Here's what I want you to do,
and trust me, I shouldn't be telling you this
because, as a therapist, well, we've sort of taken
an oath to help shepherd you
towards finding your own solutions, but I think
that you need to impose a silence ban on yourself.
-Listen to me. -Why are you whispering?
Do not tell these problems to anybody else but me.
You know, somebody you trust not to talk and blab about it.
You trust too many people with your problems,
and the truth is, no one gives a shit.
[sorrowful music]
[The Man] I'm not trying to cause a scene.
I'm really not all that dramatic.
I'm just obsessed with worst-case scenarios
because I'm a filmmaker.
I mean, I'm relaxed to the point
that I don't even put my name on my films.
It just says, "This is a film", and then the title.
[filmstrip whirs]
I'm certainly not John Hinckley trying to impress Jodie Foster.
[gunshots popping]
I still remember filming that movie on Zuma Beach.
[sorrowful music]
This is the last time Erica came to me to see me on set.
♪
I didn't expect my most popular film
to be an '80s period piece about a jealous serial killer
trying to outdo John Hinckley.
♪
I mean, people love the coming-of-age story.
They like the guy-in-the-corner movie,
the alcoholic-finds-his-way story,
but nothing like the one about the vicious lady-killer.
-[shutter clicks] -Ah, there we go.
You look like a star, baby.
Nah, just messing. But you look good.
[The Man] Erica said it was because people like
that serial killers don't hide their past.
Forgive me, Father. I fucked up.
[dramatic music]
I think you have to be really good at business,
making money, because, you know, they're loaded.
Are we talk-- we're talking about Mormons?
-Yeah, they're loaded. -Okay. Okay.
I mean, they're, like, carving out
the side of a mountain right now.
[The Man] My priest loves to gossip.
I guess that's all they have, though.
Other people's secrets.
That's the thing, man.
Old ladies and priests, they can't get laid,
but, man, do they love talking shit about the Mennonites.
So, you have to have a-- a certain type of haircut.
The girls have to wear a bonnet,
yet they still get to drive trucks and vehicles,
so they're not the Amish.
But, I mean, I can tell you,
nothing is more humbling than a bad haircut.
[drum rim shot]
-You know? -[drum rim shot]
-You just, I mean... -Yeah.
...you look in the mirror, you think you're, like,
you got yourself together, and you look in the mirror,
and you're like, "Oh my gosh, I have, like, bangs."
As a Catholic, I mean, I think that we do
some pretty crazy things, too.
-Sure. -[The Priest] You know.
-Yeah. -That don't necessarily...
I don't understand, I just kinda do it.
So maybe that's what they do.
They just don't really understand what they're doing,
they're just doing it, because maybe their dad did it.
Tell me, why are you here?
Uh, well, um, my therapist wants me to go on a mute strike,
so I was thinking that maybe we--
A mute strike?
Y-- Yeah, just, you know, just for myself, like,
just don't talk to anybody under any circumstance.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
Really?
Well, unless I'm...
I'm sure they're not gonna say anything.
So, uh, what's your therapist's name?
[dramatic music]
Gail.
That's a lie.
You know, lying is a sin.
Y-- Yeah, but, okay.
But what-- what does it matter?
Like, why do you need to know her-- his name?
[reverent organ music]
I guess I-- I really don't need to know, really.
[coughs] So, anyway, like I was saying,
-I just, I feel like this-- -No, actually, I lied.
Actually, it adds context.
Her name adds context.
It-- Yeah, it's a boy. It's a boy therapist.
-I have a... boy. Guy, I mean. -You said Gail.
[The Man] Yeah, I know. It can be a--
-I just, I kinda panicked. -Gail is a--
I panicked a little bit. Gale Sayers.
Gale Sayers was a guy. He-- but he was not a therapist.
-All right. Okay. Whatever. -[The Man] Anyway.
-Gale, my therapist-- -But you're lying.
[grunts forcefully]
My therapist wants me to go on a mute strike.
[coughing violently]
It's all right. It's-- Oh, COVID.
Right, okay. I-- I've already had it.
Well, I haven't, so I don't want it, okay?
Just because I don't have a mask,
because this screen right here is like a mask.
I mean, it's practically a filter, so.
It looks like a chain-link fence, it's-- there's no--
What do you mean, a chain-link fence?
Did the Mennonites send you?
There's not-- Never mind. Sorry. You're--
Man, what-- What the heck are you doing here?
I mean, I haven't seen you for, like, 30 years,
from back when you were a student.
[coughs] I don't know. I, um...
Everyone's worried about me lately,
and so they keep agreeing to meet,
but I think it's just to check in on me.
They don't-- are not actually interested in actually hearing
what I have to say, so I guess my side
of the story doesn't matter.
Holy shit.
Life always has this way of seeming like it's...
just starting.
What does that mean?
[thunder booms]
[slow, ambient music playing on stereo]
♪
[Content Creator] The machines have already taken over.
Right now.
They've already started.
[deep, distorted voice] The History Repeated.
I mean, I don't even know what to tell you anymore.
It's happening every day.
The AI starts.
It's ugly. It's disgusting.
But then it just gets a little bit better, and better,
and better, and better, until it's fuckin' beautiful.
[air horn blares]
[slow motion distorted] Accepted!
And this shit ain't gonna look like no Haley Joel Osment.
[dramatic music]
[The Man] I wonder if that's true.
I mean, what if all our problems really could be reduced
to blaming a computer?
They've gained sentience, and they've gotten us to fight,
and argue, and completely distance ourselves
from each other, I mean,
I mean, for all we know, they could have our memories.
Because if we're constantly giving them our information,
they're gonna know a little something about us.
You know what I mean? Probably more than we do.
They'd know about my first kiss.
I was old. 21.
Yes, it was Erica, and yes, that's embarrassing,
but if this was 1938, I'd be pretty normal, so.
[slow jazz music]
They'd remember November, 2002.
Thanksgiving Thursday.
Day of meeting her family.
Great day. Great dinner.
But three days earlier, George Bush signed
the Homeland Security Act, and you know what?
We're still paying for it.
[applause]
♪
They probably know about every Fourth of July,
when we'd watch fireworks from the same bridge.
Oh!
That's the one that came right before SARS was contained.
They'd remember the ice cream parlor that was small,
and quaint, but always packed,
so you could never hear each other.
We remember Valentine's Day, 2004,
because ten days earlier, Mark Zuckerberg started the Facebook.
Make a profile about yourself by answering some questions,
contact information, phone numbers, who your friends are.
[The Man] They'd remember August, 2005,
when I proposed,
and they'd remember that Hurricane Katrina
was later in the week, and you know what?
I was immediately sidetracked.
The machines would remember, though,
that my mood was a little bit better on New Year's Eve, 2006,
when Saddam Hussein had just been hung,
and that it had got me thinking that maybe we should
have just let him live, because the events
that led to it were not anything--
I mean, was he even hung? It was a cell phone video.
They'd remember that we got married in 2010.
Yes, it was a long engagement,
but my career was about to take off,
and there were false starts.
And for context, we were originally gonna get married
in June of 2009, but the stock market crashed
in November 2008,
and it just wasn't a fiscally responsible choice.
Look, I know I made a lot of mistakes,
and I-- I should've been paying more attention,
but I couldn't. I just couldn't.
We were all each other new,
and that's why I think she was done with me
long before this COVID shit happened.
Why are we arguing? It's over.
[The Man] All these memories I ultimately share
with the robot overlords have to go somewhere,
and that's why I'm talking to you about them in this film.
[frenetic jazz music]
[music whirring on rewind]
Y2K unleashed a doomsday niche
to the mainstream consciousness before commercials and media
had to come up with the next scenario when it didn't happen.
Things are Y2-okay.
[crowd cheering]
Then it was the 2000 election,
which was decided by less than 1,000 votes,
and we had angry citizens demanding a recount,
showing up to government offices demanding answers,
but then we eventually moved on from that,
and moved on to our next social contagion.
[reporter] Social epidemics are going to become
far more prevalent.
We're going to have to expect this kind of volatility,
and cycling between two extremes.
"You're getting heartburn. You're about to die."
"Don't you need insurance?"
[groaning]
[music whirring on fast-forward]
A plane runs into the World Trade Center,
but the news doesn't know yet.
Zoolander's coming out, and right in the middle
of the fireball in the advertisement,
we cut to the fireball in real life,
as the reporter asks...
[reporter]
[The Man] Later, an air traffic controller asks...
[man] What kind of a plane is that, can you guys tell?
[man 2] I don't know, I'll read it out in a minute.
Another one just hit the building. Wow.
[The Man] And then, it's too late.
People run.
It's a movie, a big movie.
-[woman screaming] -A man with a camera says...
[man] I hope I live, it's coming down on me.
[The Man] ...as a cloud of smoke and debris engulfs him.
[upbeat jazz music]
More people run, and no one knows what to do.
The president has a job to do.
This is a terrible moment.
We've got a war, but Barry Bonds
is going for the home run record,
and Steve Jobs is releasing the iPhone.
What do we focus on?
Whatever the news says.
Well, this is something I can do that's harmless.
[gunshots popping]
[music whirring on fast-forward]
Never assume that everything is okay.
Aah! It's been over a year now since the attacks,
and we need that war.
There'll be another election before long.
-[explosion booms] -Bombs!
Mayhem! Go that way!
[Soldier] Go that way, right there.
Saddam's statue is coming down,
and the mission has been accomplished,
and now we're getting deeper.
The media and advertising is becoming self-aware.
[groans] The media and advertising is becoming
self-aware to what we want the most.
Money, risk, fame.
Why are we doing what we're doing?
Why does this anxiety make me
want to spend so much goddamn money?
A new cadre of celebrities come onto the scene,
and tell us who they are before we even get
a chance to know them. It's too simple!
It can't be that simple.
In the meantime, the plague of social media
is but a twinkle in this man's eye.
Who knows where we're going now?
Time passes quicker, and Rich Man Who Wants Power
is running against Rich Man Who Has Power,
and they have a bunch of things to say to us.
The world is more dangerous.
There's a lot of pressures.
He's trying to attack me.
I fully understand the threat.
I have a tax cut.
[The Man] Until before long, what do you know?
Rich Man Who Retains Power is the next president,
and everybody's chanting...
-[crowd] Four more years! -[The Man] Four more years!
Now it's 2005.
Things are going okay, but the media is picking up pace,
and before you know it, a massive hurricane
hits New Orleans that we most certainly saw coming,
could've prepared for, but didn't.
[music whirring in slow-motion]
[music whirring in fast-forward]
Bush's hair went from this to this,
and then, suddenly, everything became about politics.
And this guy came out of nowhere,
and because he said he believed in hope and change,
-he beat this woman. -I want to respond.
Well, it wasn't long before the new guy
ran with the old guy,
beat the old guy and the new girl,
because of passion, and a comedy skit.
And I can see Russia from my house.
[audience laughing]
And, bang! You have the first Black president.
America's possibilities are limitless.
[The Man] And the stock market crashed,
and a whole new regime change,
and news media who now has a new boogeyman.
The "Barack" is worse than the bite.
Even though there are always multiple people to blame, and...
Fuck! Oh, fuck.
Fuck, I hate it.
It's too fuckin' fast.
Am I self-aware?
Am I making a fuckin' trailer or a movie that breathes?
Fuck!
One day, these motherfuckers will be lying in wait,
ready to choke your ass for trying to live.
-[synthetic voice] Wow! -What?
[The Content Creator] Yeah, you heard it.
Choke your ass for trying to live.
[scoffs]
[sighs dramatically] But here's the thing.
It's like a fuckin' Chinese trap.
All you gotta do is lay limp, and then you get the fuck out.
The only way to beat psychological warfare
is spiritual warfare, man.
We gotta get spiritual, man.
[Uncle Mind] Release your fears.
Uncle Mind, oh my gosh.
[Uncle Mind] And prepare yourself for a jaw-dropping
and emotional experience.
-[giggling] -[Uncle Mind] Uncle Mind.
[The Man] Oh, whoa.
-[Uncle Mind] Uncle Mind. -[The Man] The Uncle.
-[Uncle Mind] Uncle Mind. -[snickering]
[Uncle Mind] He knows what you're feeling.
He cares.
And he heals.
[man] That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
I was just crying.
Why is he hiding his face?
I told him my darkest fears just by looking at him.
-[snickering] -[woman] Pay attention.
But I also told him...
Oh my gosh.
What the fuck are the balls? What are the balls?
[Uncle Mind] Talk to Uncle Mind by appointment.
Only $19.99 for the first five minutes.
[The Man] Oh, shit, oh, I gotta fuckin' see this.
[Uncle Mind] That's right.
The healing sensation is less than $20.
I gotta-- I gotta fuckin' see this shit.
Are you ser--
[gentle music]
-[sighs] I-- -Johnny, what the...
-Hi. -Man, I'm so embarrassed.
Just-- Just don't tell anyone, okay?
Oh, it-- it's okay. I'm here, too.
Man, it's fine.
You think I want to broadcast that I'm doing this?
I don't know. Maybe. P-- Promise me you won't tell anyone.
Come on. It's fine.
Let me do-- oh! Let me just do the spiel.
Yeah, okay. Okay.
[Johnny] Uncle Mind is the way.
The way is Uncle Mind.
The truth will be revealed, and your secrets be sealed.
Okay, Johnny. Hey, hey, I'll--
I'll hook you up someday, okay?
Peace.
[woman] The Uncle will be with you shortly.
The countdown to the Uncle begins now.
Five, four, three, two, one.
[reverent music]
[The Man chuckles]
[laughs]
[The Man] Hey, Uncle.
♪
Are you--
Can you-- Can you see me?
Are you-- Are you seeing me right now?
Dude, am I supposed to talk or something?
What the fu--
Blink once if you can hear me.
Okay.
Thanks, Uncle.
Was that a homeless guy? What are you doing?
Who the fuck was that?
W-- W-- What the fuck?
Can you see me?
Uncle Mind, can you see me?
Can you see me, Uncle Mind?
[discordant music]
[tones slowly resolve and become harmonious]
[bell dings]
[gentle music]
[music becomes discordant]
[The Man gasps]
Hey, hey.
-[gasps] -Wake up.
What's wrong?
Oh.
Uh, I just, uh...
It was just a nightmare.
-You're okay. -[sighs]
Nothing happened.
[sighs heavily]
How was the nightmare?
I don't know. I, uh...
I can't-- I can't even remember what was happening.
I just...
It was kind of...
Forgot who I was for a second.
[sighs]
You're the father of this baby over here.
Mm.
Four more months.
[dramatic music]
I don't think this is gonna work out, honey.
I don't think this is gonna work out.
I think I'm done.
I think I'm gonna leave you.
[Erica humming softly]
What are you-- What are you humming?
[humming] I don't-- What is that?
[humming a tune]
[both humming]
Oh, it's-- it's, uh-- it's, uh...
-It's Third Eye Blind. -Third Eye Blind.
Yeah, it's the can't-- Can't Hardly Wait song.
Or I mean, it was in the-- in the trailer.
I don't know if it was, like, on the official soundtrack
-or whatever. -[Erica] Hmm.
-It's a good song. -[Erica] Mm-hmm.
It's a good match for the movie.
[Erica] Hmm.
It's a lot, like...
unrequited love.
And stuff.
[Erica] It's not a love song.
What are you talking about?
-The song? -Third Eye Blind, the same song?
Yeah. Yeah, it's a love song.
That's why they picked it. What are you--
[Erica] Are you serious?
I think-- I think, like, he's gonna dump her.
[The Man] What are you talking about? Ethan Embry? No.
Of the song? He's not--
-How's it gonna be? -What?
It's a romantic song.
They put it in a movie about unrequited love.
He's, like, just-- Ethan Embry's, like, pining for her.
-It's not a love song. -What are you talking about?
[Erica] Please.
[The Man sighs heavily]
[sighs]
-What's wrong? -Nothing.
Honey, you have to tell me.
You have to talk to me.
I just keep thinking of you, and me, and her,
swinging in a hammock,
-and time is standing still. -[The Man] I know, honey.
I know. I know.
Okay, it's-- I-- it's the hammock thing.
I get it.
[gentle music]
It's not real, okay?
-This is real, okay? -It's not gonna happen.
It's just not gonna happen like this.
-You don't know that! -I know it's not gonna happen!
-You don't know that, honey! -I-- [screaming wordlessly]
[The Man] We're gonna try again. Erica.
I know! Just stop it!
[somber music]
♪
[Obama] We are heirs to a proud legacy of freedom.
And we're prepared to do what is necessary
to secure that legacy for generations to come.
I ask that you join us in this common mission,
for today's children, and tomorrow's.
Thank you very much.
[Trump] The American dream is dead.
But if I get elected president,
I will bring it back bigger, and better, and stronger,
-than ever before. -Hey, buddy.
[Trump] And we will make America great again.
[reporter] Which Republican candidate has the best chance
of winning the general election?
Of the declared ones, right now, Donald Trump.
[audience cheering]
What the fuck is this, dude?
This is my new film.
No, thi-- you-- you don't tell anybody about this.
You're-- You're not gonna be able to explain this to anybody.
And the Mexican government...
How did you get in here? Did you just walk in?
-Your door was wide open. -What?
It's 2024. It was just open. I just walked in.
Listen, I got you-- I got us both, all right,
a commercial, all right? It's just a little commercial.
-Whoa. -You're gonna direct it.
Uh, do-- uh, whoa. Do I have a choice in this?
I mean, are-- is-- do-- do I get a choice?
No, absolutely not. You're doing it.
No, I am not-- ugh! I'm not ready to be around people.
We-- We just met at a restaurant like, two months ago.
No, that's-- that's-- that's totally different.
I know that restaurant. They know me.
I know everyone who-- who's-- who's a regular there.
I know the waitress. I know she-- where she goes.
And-- and everything's clean.
You know where the waitress goes?
What, are you following her home?
-You don't know-- -No, I just talk to her. It's--
Nah, and you know what, it-- It-- That-- That doesn't matter.
Man, COVID's in the air.
Will you stop for-- will you-- Do you mind getting a mask--
Yeah, I mind getting you a mask.
-No, will-- no-- -I'm not gonna get you a mask.
Well, don't get fuckin'-- no, hey, hey. What are you doing?
Dude, look at yourself. You're acting crazy.
-Please-- you-- you are-- -I can see your dick.
-You're in my house! -I can see your dick.
-You can't--
We can't keep doing this.
You can't keep doing this, okay?
-I love you. -Will you back up a little?
-We gotta-- look. -Just a little bit.
-Fuck. -There's four inches.
All right, now you can't get COVID.
Listen, you can't be locked in here
like a fuckin' hermit, dude.
Okay? You-- you can't be in here just shut out from the world.
That's not what's happening.
I've just been-- I've been through a lot.
Man, you know that.
I know you've been through a lot.
I-- really, I-- I do, I understand it completely.
I mean, I fucking love you, man.
Okay? But, look, look, look, look. How about this?
Look, fuck. Look, what if I do this?
-Shut the fuck up, Mom! -[The Man] Look, fuck.
Hey, listen, he wants full fuckin' COVID protocols, okay?
-He wants the whole thing. -You're not talking to anybody.
You-- I'm talk to texting,
and now your shit's coming up on here,
and he's gonna get this whole fucking thing.
I'm not going from the start and redoing it.
-Sorry. Okay. Okay. -Ignore the whole thing.
He wants the whole full COVID protocols.
Okay, but N95. N95.
-He wants M95-- -'Cause N95 is for--
Would you just-- I-- I-- how can you be so--
I'm not trying to be an asshole, but this is ridiculous.
You're not trying to be an asshole?
And look, the whole thing's being recorded now.
I'm gonna have to fucking edit this.
I'll send this shit later.
You look like fucking Nosferatu joined a basketball game.
-God damn it, dude. -We are drugged out.
Okay, look, this is-- this is-- this is me right now.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no. -This is-- this is the fuckin'--
No, this is my film!
This is the fuckin' Unabomber's manifesto.
-This isn't a fuckin' movie. -No.
Oh, I forgot the fuckin' Unabomber.
God.
[The Man] What is the commercial for?
I don't know. It's some, like, fuckin' soap.
Dude, what does it matter, okay?
They're paying us a shit-ton of money.
Okay, I'm gonna be in it. Solo Solo's playing the music.
[The Man] Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, all right.
But there's someone I want to cast.
Johnny, we finally get to work together, man.
I'm loving it. I'm loving it. Man, I'm stoked.
Yeah, so I'm just-- I'm just getting caught up myself.
But, uh, the agency is doing this thing called
vulgar advertising, where they use, like, cussing and stuff.
Nice.
It's a detergent called Clean As Shit, and...
[announcer] Clean As Shit.
So you got-- You got the script, right?
Yeah, so I don't think we're gonna need, like
an in-person rehearsal or anything.
Just-- you know, just make sure that you know it
by the time we get on set, and--
I just will know it, you know, so backwards and forwards.
I will just start
-at whatever point-- -Yeah, we'll figure it out, man.
It's-- I'm working on this other project
that really-- I'm really, really excited about.
It's like a-- it's like a doc on U.S. history.
-I love that. -I was watching
through it last night.
And do you remember when bin Laden got killed?
-Yeah. -Tonight,
I can report to the American people and to the world
that the United States has conducted an operation
that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of Al-Qaeda.
[crowds cheering]
I can't believe-- I can't believe it was 13 years ago,
but it's actually hilarious, because John Cena
announced it live to an audience and they just went nuts.
We have caught and compromised
to a permanent end, Osama bin Laden.
[crowd shirtless]
USA! USA! USA!
But I feel damn proud to be an American.
He's topless. He's wearing jeans
that are like four sizes too small, and--
Anyway, the film's about, like, coincidences,
and there was actually a pandemic.
-Yes. -Not -- yeah. Another one,
two years earlier that people, we weren't prepared for either.
-Um -- -Yeah.
Health and Human Services says hospitals
will never have enough beds to handle a pandemic.
To be honest, I'm not really that prepared
to be around this many people coming up, but, um...
-Yeah. -Are you okay wearing a mask?
Yeah, I love it. It's so fun. It's so fun to do.
I haven't done the, uh-- the deep brain test in a while.
Ah, you can go a little deeper.
-Deeper, deeper, deeper. -Oh, sure. Sorry.
Yeah. Yeah. All right.
Good, thank you.
So, like 15 minutes or something?
Oh, no. This is like five minutes, tops.
-Mm. Yeah. -Oh, wow. Really?
I-- I only have the 15-minute version at home,
so that's-- that's technology. That's cool.
[clearing throating]
I tested at home, so I should--
I should probably-- I should be good.
Well, we'll find out in four and a half minutes, won't we?
[nervous laugh] Yeah.
Does that happen, though, that someone, like tested
negative in the morning and then positive
on a different testing thing?
I don't know, man.
I just do the tests, to be honest.
Right. Sorry. Sorry.
No, no. It's okay. It's okay.
So what happens if someone tests positive in here?
Do you have to, like, sit out, or...
No, no. That's why I got this suit.
Although, uh, I guess I technically
don't even need it, to be honest with you.
Okay.
Because I heard, uh, I heard, um...
I heard, Erykah Badu, like,
tested positive in one nostril and like, negative in another,
which is, like, weird, because you would think
that like, if it's in your nostrils,
if you're breathing it in, it would be in both. Right?
I just, uh-- But I've heard also that, like, I don't know,
that there's, like, dead virus
can be in there and it can start kind of, like...
It can start...
-[bell ringing] -Director on set!
[applause, cheers]
[chuckling] Oh, gosh.
All right, all right, all right. Thanks, thanks.
Thank you, guys. Thank you. Hi. Hi.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for wearing the masks.
I know that's not a...
I-- I don't-- I don't know.
Uh, I haven't-- I haven't really been out a lot.
I know you guys probably think I'm--
I'm real freaked out about everything.
I just don't-- I don't want to get COVID.
So just, stay the fuck away from me.
Just... Uh, but ser-- But seriously, kind of stay...
Let's keep a little, a bit of a...
Stay the fuck away from me. But it's good to see you.
I--I've been working on a--
a documentary I'm pretty excited about.
It's kind of an interesting thing.
It sort of talks about
the trajectory of America from-- from 9/11 to COVID.
So it's like a 20-year span.
We kind of see where we've been and where we're going
and where we are and that-- All right, guys.
Sorry, the weird speech.
It's just-- it's been a while, but it's good to see you.
-Johnny, Johnny, good to see ya. -You're good. You're good.
-How was the flight? -LAX, man.
He's right, right. Yeah.
Do-- dude, do you mind... Sorry.
Can you try and get the mask up. Did you guys...
Did they not have, like, N95s or is that, like, a...
-Doesn't matter. I, uh-- -Do we need masks?
That's okay. Sorry, do you mind putting the mask...
Thank you. Cool, cool, cool. Can't wait to hear
what you guys do with the song. It's great.
-Do you want me to double up? -Um...
That-- that's 's okay. I mean, that's probably okay.
No. No, we're not doubling up.
It's not 2020 anymore, bro.
No, I-- I know, I know.
They don't have a script.
Right. Let's do that. You guys don't have--
-Wait, you don't have a script? -No, nobody sent--
There's no script, no time.
Who-- who are you?
-I'm-- am his agent. -My agent.
-Right. -This is my artist.
This is a craft, man. I got to know what I'm doing.
I don't know what happened before--
So you got-- you got the script, right?
-Mm-hmm. -So you come in.
Okay, so you got to...
Holy shit, this is the best detergent ever.
Give me my wash, bitch. Give me my wash.
Um...
You should-- what's that? Yes, it's clean as shit.
Stain remover. It removes any fucking stain you can imagine.
When he goes, does it wash
that filthy fucking mouth of yours?
-Oh, I'm shocked. -What?
Does that wash that filthy fucking mouth of yours?
-What? -Then you say, what?
Exactly. Perfect. No, you say-- yeah, that works.
What am I doing? No one's listening to me.
-Am I going crazy? -Okay. Okay. Okay.
Fuck, you sent the script to Jonathan, didn't I?
-Who the fuck is this guy? -Hey, hey, hey, man.
Looks like you're having a lot of fun out there, man.
Yeah, definitely. There's a lot of energy.
You doing good? You all right?
You good?
-You pumped? -Yeah, I'm pumped.
-I'm pumped. -Fuck yeah, dude.
Hell yeah, man. I gotta tell you,
I love being here because I just fucking love to cuss.
-You know what I mean? -I do.
It's fucking, dude-- dead ass. It's my fucking favorite thing.
-Yeah. -I like cussing.
Fuck, shit, piss.
-Oh, that's my guy. -Hey, man,
I just want to thank you for having me.
Of course. Oh, Jonathan--
No.
Thank you for having me.
You are welcome. You're welcome.
God damn! I love this fucking energy.
[echoing] I need to talk to you afterwards.
Okay. Okay.
[The Man] What the fuck did that mean?
Oh, man, I don't know, but that's some spooky-ass shit.
That's some, like, Get Out shit.
Fuck, who are you?
Oh, dude, I'm the-- I'm the ad executive.
Yeah, I'm the one who made up all this bullshit.
♪ Give me my wash, bitch ♪
♪ Give me my wash, give me my wash ♪
Holy shit, this is the best fucking cleaner I've ever used.
-What's that? -It's Clean As Shit.
-Is this real? -It'll fucking
-clean any bullshit. -Will it clean
-your filthy mouth? -What's that?
Will it clean that filthy fucking mouth of yours?
-This is-- this is the internet. -You're good.
[jazz music playing]
- [Michael] Pay attention. -[agent] Listen.
I need quiet.
-Quiet. -Can you do that?
Yes, sir.
Good.
Thank you, Michael.
I'm on shrooms.
-What is shroom? -I'm-- I'm on mushrooms.
-What is that? -I just felt like
I needed to tell you.
You need to leave.
I need one more minute.
Do you want to hear something crazy?
[electronic voice] Five, four, three, two,
-one. -[gasping]
[The Man] Who am I? Who am I? I forgot who I was.
Okay, gather yourself.
You're a filmmaker. You're on set.
Is this a commercial?
This isn't like an ad I see on TV or the internet.
I'm imagining this. Who am I?
This is the kind of job I missed so much time with Erica for?
This is the same kind of job
I missed so much time with Erica for?
I have other things to do.
I need distance.
I need to walk.
I'm sure my blood pressure's high.
There's a woman I pass.
I have to finish my movie.
Fighting for my [bleep] life.
Y'all killin' me with this [bleep]!
I'm creating art and I'm gathering myself.
It's all I can do. I'm a filmmaker.
This is real. Reality is real.
I'm scattered, but it's real. This is real.
I don't care what anybody thinks.
I have to share what I'm thinking
or else I'm really gonna go crazy.
We're all over the map and back again, right?
In 2000, we got Bush.
Is this okay to talk about?
Is this okay to, like... I can--
You've got this whole 9/11 thing going on and it's crazy
and he's quote-unquote shepherding us through that.
And then, like, we go from Bush to Barack Obama and that's like,
whoa, this is something new.
And so, we-- we-- we--
We get him in there and we think he was still--
Obama was still, like, killing pirates.
[rapid gunfire]
And then we go from him to Trump who, like...
I mean, Donald Trump is like a reality star.
Like, we knew him.
He was in Home Alone 2.
We knew who he was and what we were getting, like...
It's kind of-- it's kind of crazy.
And then we go from Trump--
we go to Joe Biden who's like--
I mean, it's crazy. Just watched this happen.
And Biden is, again,
a career politician from ever since Vietnam.
We went right back to the establishment.
We will follow you to the end of the earth.
This cycle is so weird to see
because we go from Warhawk Bush, right?
We go from Warhawk Bush
to Peace and Love Obama
to like, like...
like, just evil
motherfucker fucking fuckface fucking--
fucking cock fuck asshole
son of a bitch Donald fucking cock Trump
-and-- and it just... -[exhaling heavily]
[man] Fuck yeah.
-Fuck yeah. -That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.
-Fuck yeah! -That's it.
And... where are you going with this?
No, I'm just, I'm just like, you know, I'm just saying.
I'm going to be getting calls from people after this
talking about you, talking about conspiracies,
so I'm just worried about what that implicates.
What does that implicate? Wait, what conspiracies?
There's no reason for you to be talking about Dr. Fauci
and the World Economic Forum
when you're filming a soap commercial.
No, oh, no, no.
No, I think you're misunderstanding.
I'm just talking about a project that I'm working on.
I just told a couple people about it.
It's nothing... [stammering] It's nothing.
Project?
I didn't-- I haven't-- I haven't...
told you about it yet, I just--
I'm thinking about doing a documentary
about the trajectory of the United States from
9/11 to COVID shutdowns and it just--
it doesn't-- it doesn't have any--
it's just entirely archival footage,
it's entirely chronological,
it doesn't have any political opinion
except to just talk about how we went from a united nation
to a divided nation and kind of track
where we are from 2020 and it--
No, it was hard enough to get this set up
so that everybody had to get tested
-and wear a mask. -No, I know,
that's what I'm trying to show with the documentary.
There is no documentary.
I know it's been four years since you've worked
and that this is all a big change for you,
but the only difference between an eccentric artist
and an out-of-work artist is one wacky opinion.
Let's just keep you as the working eccentric artist.
Yeah?
[fast-paced instrumental]
[Johnny] You've been struggling, man, I can see that.
We all have. Some people hide it,
but I-- I found a way to...
feel everything and show nothing.
Do you want to hear something crazy?
I'm one of the only people on the Western Hemisphere
who has control over his own thoughts.
We're going through a massive magnetic shift, man.
We thought all this internal turmoil was the virus.
It's not, it's a force.
This magnet, it hangs in the air
and it seduces weak-minded people
and makes them depressed and erratic.
Does that sound familiar?
No. It's not the virus.
No, it's not the pills, the wireless fidelity,
the corn syrup, the dextrinization.
It's mind control.
With the magnets. Yeah.
Did you know that electronic waves
literally ooze through the vents of our computers?
That interfaces with the magnets and it leaves people helpless.
But me?
I know about it, so I have all the power I want.
But that only reaches so far.
The global brain is so powerfully balanced
that once you know about it,
you can't possibly be a part of it.
So then, on the way to set today, I was thinking...
what if I told someone else?
Then maybe together,
we could be powerful enough to be part of it.
Then we could see these waves of thought,
these dangerous waves of thought that threaten our existence.
And then it would be on our shoulders
to find other people like us to save humanity,
even if they don't know what it is until they see it.
Taxes.
Healthcare.
Basketball arenas.
They'll keep society organized.
But...
what if everybody...
had free will?
What would happen?
I don't know. Might not be good, but what would happen?
I think it would be anarchy.
Anarchy!
So this magnetic shift,
it's happening for the next millennium,
so now we finally have the chance to take power back.
Right?
But then I was thinking, unfortunately,
everybody wants to be the front man,
but sometimes you just gotta fucking sit back
and be the drummer from Maroon 5.
You remember him?
Uh, I...
Matt Flynn.
OG band member.
He's been in the band since '06.
You didn't know that.
Admit it.
-No, I-- -Admit it.
I-- I-- I didn't know that.
It's been great working with you.
Oh, yeah, you too.
I'm not feeling well. It's probably COVID.
[coughing]
[tense instrumental]
Fuck! Fuck!
Shit.
Oh, my God.
♪
[sighing]
♪
[laughing]
[sighing]
[quiet piano instrumental]
♪
[breathing heavily]
I got the e-mail.
Oh, God, I don't have it.
I don't have it. I don't have it.
Oh...
Oh.
I gotta stay away from you.
Why? What does yours say?
Oh, uh...
Look...
it's fine. You're young.
We're in good shape. It doesn't--
It's-- it's mostly...
older people and-- and babies, so it's fine.
It's fine. We'll figure it out.
I have breast cancer.
What? Are you...
[Erica] Breast cancer.
Since when do you have breast cancer?
January.
Uh, you didn't--
You didn't tell me?
[Erica] I'm telling you now.
Uh, um...
Uh, sorry. What-- what?
What's happening right now? What are you--
-I'm sorry. -[The Man] What--
You...
-[stammering] -You didn't even notice.
Notice what? You didn't tell me!
You didn't tell your husband!
It wouldn't have mattered.
If you've been home with me,
you haven't been getting treatment, Erica.
Talk! Will you talk? Will you say something?
It wouldn't have mattered. You have COVID now!
-You have COVID! -It wouldn't have mattered.
It wouldn't have mattered.
Uh, uh...
Uh...
Hold-- hold-- hold-- uh...
It's over.
It's over. It's over.
-It's over. -Stop it.
Stop saying that.
[The Man] Erica...
-I-- -You can't come near me!
I just want to hug you. I want to hug you.
You can't come with me.
-I don't-- -We're outside.
I don't think I can get--
I just-- I want to--
-Just-- -No! No.
[Erica sobbing]
[Erica groaning]
♪
[indistinct]
-[Erica] I'm gonna go. -Okay.
Okay. Okay.
♪
[The Man] Funeral Service Commission recommendations
for funeral practitioners during the COVID-19 outbreak.
The following recommendations utilize funeral service
and funeral service education best practices
to keep the funeral home staff, their families,
and the families whom they serve safe from COVID-19 exposure.
♪
When making a removal from the local medical examiner
slash coroner office or hospital,
the remains most likely will be enclosed in a body bag.
Please follow a hospital
or county facility's recommendations
about not opening the bag
until the remains are transferred
to the funeral home or designated location.
Each funeral home staff member should place nitrile gloves on
prior to handling any sort-- set of remains.
Once the remains are secured in the vehicle...
-[phone ringing] -...the gloves may be removed
and some type of hand sanitizer can be used
in the event a handwashing station
is not available prior to completing the transfer.
Erica?
♪
No, uh, what do you mean, it's over?
Erica? What--
Funeral service activities.
The following subsections address
two specific modalities of conducting funeral services.
Well, I need to-- I need to come see her.
I'm her husband and you need to let me come see her.
Livestreaming service.
[tense instrumental]
Will you please put my wife back on the phone?
Will you put my wife back on the phone, please?
♪
[doorbell ringing]
[breathing tearfully]
[sighing]
[exhaling]
[exhaling] It's over.
♪
-Hey. -Hi.
Oh, I just walked-- I'm sorry.
I didn't--
Sorry, I was just reading an email.
I just walked onto your property.
-I'm sorry. -Come on over.
-Wow. -I don't know if
you remember this, we talked a long time ago
at that Christmas party.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, no, yeah.
I think that was like six years ago.
-Mm-hmm. -Yeah.
Hey, you don't have your mask anymore.
Oh, no-- Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
No, I just had COVID, so I should be okay,
but I can put it on if you want.
Oh, hey, no, it's fine.
I've been on it. I just-- since I just had it,
I don't think I-- but I-- are you sure?
No, it's so nice not to have it, please.
-Right. I'm sorry. -It's okay.
-It's good to see you. -Hey.
Go ahead. Sorry.
No, it's just, it's nice--
It's good to, uh...
-see you. -See you again. Yeah.
What are you up to today?
Nothing.
I mean, I've been up to nothing for a long time.
-Yeah. -I mean, I did--
I did just finish something.
Hm.
I-- No, I-- I--
I'm a film, like a film guy, person.
I make movies.
I'm a filmmaker. I'm a filmmaker. Sorry.
-What? -[The Man] Sorry.
I do this like John C. Reilly impression. It's bad.
John C. Reilly impression sometimes for no reason.
-I should've done that. -Yeah, I don't know him
-that well. -John Stamos.
John Stamos?
-[The Man] Yeah. No. -I know John Stamos.
-Uh. -I actually do know--
Never mind. It's not--
Like we're not on good terms or anything.
It's just, so, um, no.
You, uh, you said you finished a movie?
Like you, you just finished a movie?
Yeah, but no, I'm getting, I'm like getting in trouble for it.
It's not anything you would ever want to see ever, so.
Oh, really. Why not? Is it like Nazi shit?
No, it's not Nazi shit. It's not--
It's-- No, it's, uh, it's not Nazi shit.
-I know. -Okay.
-Okay.
Okay. It's kind of, um, a documentary of sorts
about the years 2000 to 2020.
It kind of tries to tell the story of America from 9/11
to COVID, but it does it using archival footage.
It's in chronological order--
I'm doing a terrible job of explaining it.
Can I see it on iTunes or?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not ever, ever going to be released.
No one's ever going to see it.
You would probably hate it and you would, yeah.
Never going to be released?
No, the only, the only, yeah.
I mean, it's like at my house in the screening room,
-is the only place that. -Okay.
Um, which I can show you, but like, that's a terrible idea.
So, I should not ever, because you would never
-want to talk to me again. -No, actually
I would love to see it. I would love to.
You would probably hate it.
You're not doing anything tonight, right?
You said you're not doing anything.
-Yeah. -Uh...
Because we keep running into each other
and you've invited yourself on my property.
-[The Man] Bleh. -[chuckling]
Sure, why not?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
[soft piano music]
[garage door whirring]
-Hi. -Hi.
-[chuckling] -Here.
Uh, come on.
[Hilary Duff] To all you young millennial assholes
that keep going out and partying, go home.
If I get corona, I get corona.
[Andrew Cuomo] It's insensitive.
-What is there to do here? -It's arrogant.
Welcome to Miami!
It's self-destructive. It's disrespectful to other people.
Virus ain't that serious.
And it has to stop and it has to stop now.
This is not a joke and I am not kidding.
[reporter] The IRS has already started depositing
economic impact payments,
or what some are calling stimulus checks,
into people's bank accounts.
[Donald Trump] If everyone makes these critical changes
and sacrifices now, we will rally together as one nation
and we will defeat the virus
and we're going to have a big celebration all together.
[reporter] For the first time in nearly two decades,
a month went by with no school shootings.
[man] Trying to protect ourselves from terrorists,
flus and viruses.
You gotta just protect everybody.
[reporter] Social distancing slows
the spread of coronavirus,
so stay a minimum of six feet away from others
and stay home if you can.
[Fauci] Six feet distance, no restaurants,
no bars, no sports events.
Absolute compulsive hand washing.
You don't ever shake anybody's hands.
I don't think we ever should ever shake hands ever again,
to be honest with you.
Sounds crazy, we're never shaking hands again?
I did it almost a little bit tongue in cheek, but not really.
There was a bit of reality to that.
[woman] Let's all do our part
because we're all #alone together.
It's amazing.
[man] It is the very definition of a moral system.
The regulation of self-interest
to make cooperative societies possible.
Our society, our America. The weirdest thing has happened.
By staying apart, we've never been more together.
♪
[The Man exhaling]
[The Woman chuckling]
-Huh? -That was so good.
-I'm serious. -You don't--
you don't have to say that.
Man, you know, it's like...
I lived through all that, but I'm like,
-I forgot it, you know? -Yeah.
[The Woman] But who's going to watch it?
You have to, like, edit it together, cohesively,
so it makes sense and we can see the cause and effect.
Like, that's...
That's kind of like a service to humanity.
-[The Man chuckling] -Right?
-Um. -[The Woman] But I'm serious.
-I lived through all of that... -No, yeah, you don't--
[The Woman] ...but some of that stuff, like the 9/11 stuff,
I'm like...
I just saw my whole adult life flash before my eyes.
[The Man chuckling]
Um...
I-- I should tell you something.
Um, it's-- it's-- it's--
It's bugging me and I think I should just--
I should just-- I should be honest. Um...
Okay.
My-- my wife died and it's...
It's been really hard on me and, um...
and I kind of-- I kind of went crazy
for a little bit, and, um...
But I-- I-- I-- I feel better
and I-- I'm doing better now, I think.
I know.
I mean, I know your wife died. I saw it on TV.
[The Man] Oh, right.
Yeah, I just, I, uh...
I never-- I never think anyone knows anything about me.
Yeah. It's okay.
I should tell you something, too.
Okay. Uh, go ahead.
My husband died too in 2019.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry for you, too.
Yeah, I understand.
I woke up one day and he was lying next to me
and I leaned over...
to kiss him and...
ever since we've been together, he'd always feel me.
Yeah.
[The Woman] He'd always kiss me back.
It's really weird not getting to say goodbye, you know?
[The Man] It's okay.
[contemplative orchestral music]
♪
[stairs creaking]
[door squeaking]
-[distant waves crashing] -[insects chirping]
-[low rumbling] -[eerie music]
[The Man shakily breathing]
[The Man breathing deeply]
[serene music]
♪