Coco, stop!
Music is so gauche.
It's the sounds of the poor.
Coco, tree! Coco!
I love music.
If you really want to listen to true music...
Aah!
...you should listen to a brook.
Oh.
No, no, no!
Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry.
It's all right.
Cute dog.
He's actually not my dog. He's my client.
Oh.
Oh, um, you're bleeding.
Oh, geez.
What'd you do to me, Coco?
Let me get you cleaned up.
I have a first aid kit on me at all times.
Jessica, he'll be fine.
Let him deal with his... "client."
Barry, he's bleeding.
Come with me.
Oh, you're a nurse?
No.
You really saved me.
How can I ever repay you?
Don't worry about it.
No, come on. What do you want? Name a price.
Like, 20?
Seriously, it's all right. I'm happy your pants are fixed.
Fifty.
Fifty?
Okay.
Seriously, thank you.
Goodbye, stranger.
Goodbye.
Bye.
See ya.
Toodles.
Bye!
Bye.
See ya.
Yeah, gosh.
Hey, where are you going?
Two words: L.A.
Geez, thanks for the invite.
When are you coming back?
I'm not coming back, Todd.
Todd... Todd... Todd...
You are definitely my soulmate.
You're the only one who gets me, Todd.
Groceries were $30.
I'll Chase QuickPay you.
Liana!
In here!
Slow down.
Can you explain to me what the hell is going on?
Pico DeGala is opening a new store in L.A.
She's offering me one million to oversee it.
This is huge for me, Todd,
and I just can't afford to be in something right now.
Todd. Todd. Todd!
I love you, Todd.
I'm definitely not gonna break up with you, Todd.
You're the only one who can make me laugh.
Nothing is more important than this relationship.
I hate L.A.
I love being with you.
Are these yours?
Yeah.
Okay.
Liana!
Out here!
We can try long distance.
I can't, Todd. I'm sorry.
I'm not a Skype girl.
I can't just stare and look at a face.
It's too much. It's too much!
Be well.
Drive.
Hey, Jessica. I got a new load of garbage for you.
Chester! Oh!
I've been waiting for you. Got any good finds for me?
-Take your pick of the litter. -Ooh!
You know, I always say this, but Jessica,
when are you gonna come work for me?
Every week, I come here with a new bag of garbage.
You love trash so much.
Chester, I already told you,
one person's garbage is another person's treasure.
That's what my shop is all about.
Even this old semen-covered banana peel?
-Is this treasure? -Chester, you're crazy!
Chester, I've known you just about my whole life.
When are you gonna finally settle down, huh?
Once you're back on the market again.
Chester!
Oh, but in all seriousness, Jessica,
I'm never gonna settle down.
I've chosen this life of garbage, but you?
You deserve to find love outside of this place.
Truth be told, ever since my dad disappeared when I was little,
I've always been afraid of putting myself out there.
You know, really out there.
Well, I think you're a beautiful person, Jessica,
who deserves to be loved and find love out of here.
Plus, you got a nice little rack
that any sick freak would lick their little fingers
and yell, "Yee-haw, damn!"
Yee-haw, hoo-hoo!
Chester!
You're crazy!
Crazy!
Aw.
The last time I ate shrimp,
I found out I was adopted.
You're kidding.
-I am kidding. -Okay...
Excuse me?
Little help?
Oh, my God.
You're that guy from To Catch a Predator.
-What? -Oh, my God, yes.
-No. -Yes.
Jessica, this guy was on To Catch a Predator.
You look just like it.
You can take your break, Patio.
You too, Gina.
If you're looking for a job, we don't hire perverts.
Listen, I wasn't on To Catch--
Whoa.
You're pants guy.
You're mustard mouth.
So... What can I help you find?
I just wanted to get rid of some things. My girl...
roommate... moved out, and...
she left all her stuff behind.
You and your roommate must have been close.
Yeah... we were.
So, you collect trash and sell it?
It's a good idea, right?
I can't take full credit.
My dad opened this place with me when I was three.
A young entrepreneur.
I like it.
People just get tired of things, you know?
They no longer find value in the things that brought them so much joy.
Like this little cock right here.
My dad found it behind a Popeyes on Western Avenue.
It's worth an easy 10,000 grand.
This book, Snake Lake, was based on a true story about my old uncle.
How old was he?
72, but has the body of a 17-year-old.
What about that birdhouse?
That's not for sale.
You okay?
Me and my dad were building it before he disappeared.
It's a birdhouse made entirely of popsicle sticks,
with little jokes on them.
We only needed one more popsicle stick to complete the birdhouse.
I'm sorry.
Can't you just get another one?
It's not like that, okay?
The popsicle stick I'm looking for has a specific joke on it.
My dad read it to me a few minutes before he disappeared.
Until I find that popsicle stick...
the birdhouse will never be complete.
Where'd your dad go?
Nobody knows.
The last time I saw him, I was six,
and he was collecting garbage behind a Forever 31.
We could always find the best crap back there.
I like to think he's somewhere across the world,
finding garbage in the Tigris River
or salvaging scraps in the swamps of Brazil
or maybe even little buried treasures and the ancient relics of...
Kansas.
But I think he's probably dead.
He sounds amazing.
He was.
He loved trash more than anyone I know.
All right, here are your refurbished retainers,
your tin foil glasses,
and your plate frisbee.
Thank you very much.
Hey...
I was wondering if I could get your number.
You know, in case I need to dump more trash. Or...
Or...?
Or in case I lose the retainer.
Or...?
Or in case I need a number
to help me count.
Or...?
Or... if you wanna go out sometime or something.
Yeah, sure, let me just, um...
-write it down. -Yeah.
Here, let me walk you out.
See you later, mustard mouth.
Say...
What's your real name?
Jessica.
Jessica Dump.
Jessica.
-Hey, wait! -What?
You never told me your name.
Todd Barkley. Dog Lawyer.
Todd.
Goodbye, Jessica Dump.
Goodbye, Todd Barkley.
My God!
I can't believe it!
Hey...
I forgot my glasses.
What's up with the door?
-Push. -Oh, yeah.
I am.
I think I'm stuck.
Oh. It happens.
Bye.
No. No! No! No!
No! No!
Ah, come on!
Oh!
On your cone!
No! Don't touch it! No, no, no!
Why?
Jessica!
What?
So then I just never heard from him again.
I cannot believe him.
I've been talking about myself this whole time.
How have you been?
Honestly, really good.
My influencing business is taking off.
I made this post about self-care last night on InstyPic. Look.
Hey, InstyPic followers. Welcome back to my channel.
Right?
Today I'm going to be talking about my new Holy Grail product.
This is Butt Butter.
I actually have really dry elbows,
but you guys already all know that, you comment all the time.
So, I just take a little bit of it,
and then I like...
Are you kidding? It does wonders.
All right, that's all I have for today.
Remember, feminists, you can't spell "vagina,"
without Gina.
But isn't that just elbow butter?
No, it's still Butt Butter.
When I'm sad, I'll put it on,
throw on an old Bruce Willis movie, and then I'll put my feet in--
Gina, shut up. Shut the fuck up!
That's him!
-Who? -Todd.
Who's he talking to?
Rufus...
You definitely bit the guy, there's no denying it.
Can probably get you off with about
one to two weeks in the pound,
and maybe some community service.
Thanks, Rufy, that means a lot.
You're not gonna be put down.
Not on my watch.
Todd?
Mustard mouth!
I mean, Jessica. I've been looking everywhere for you.
Yeah, right. I gave you my number and you never called.
You'll never believe this. When I left your store, there was a huge gust of wind--
Let me guess. Huge gust of wind,
then it flew into the tire of a car,
into some kid's ice cream cone,
and ended up into the mouth of a Corgi.
Yes! That's exactly what happened.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard it all before.
What? Every detail?
You're just like everybody else.
Come on, Gina.
Jessica, I'm unique.
Jessica, wait!
Jessica, I'm unique! Jessica, wait!
I'll find that number. You'll see!
-His friend was cute. -Gina.
Dump, Dump, Dump, Dump...
Dump... Where are you?
-Jessica? -Todd?
It's me, Mom. How are you?
-Have you seen Jessica Dump? -Who?
I think he's some kind of genius.
No... he's just in love.
Have you seen Jessica Dump?
Ew, that's disgusting!
-Jessica? -Can you hear me? I've been on this island--
Why, God?
Jessica? Jessica? Jessica?
This is Pizza Daddy. Pick up or delivery?
Jessica.
-Jessica? -My name's Jessica.
Ugh. Take a bath, buddy.
-Jessica! -I want ice cream.
Jessica?
I want ice cream.
555-5555... 555.
Hey! Off, pervert!
-No, gimme a hug! -God, no!
Get off of me! God, you stink!
You smell like feral kittens!
And you smell like juice.
I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy!
Haven't you all ever tracked down a girl you only met once?
I met her twice, actually!
Yeah, I met her twice!
She's gorgeous.
Unsweetened, please.
Rowr. Oh!
Love Dump. This is Jessica.
-It was a mutt. -What was a mutt?
The dog that ate your number. It was a mutt.
Who is this?
The classic Pembroke Welsh Corgi has orange and white coloring.
This one did not. It was a mutt.
Edward? How did you get out of jail? Oh, my God!
What? This is Todd. Who's Edward?
Oh, Todd.
I thought you were my stalker.
What are you doing Monday night?
So then I said, "You already lost one ear, cut off the other!"
That is literally hilarious.
Hello, welcome to Aquanus.
My name is Peter. I'll be your food guru for the evening.
Like, waiter?
Nah, guru.
Have either one of you been to Aqua before?
-No. -Never.
I thought you might say that.
Basically, Chef Jauc went on a culinary retreat
to Tibet in 2004,
to learn how to consume food with his digits.
Like, his fingers?
No, his digits.
Can I get you two anything to drink?
Oh, um...
I will have the Misty Wind.
I'm trying to decide between the Smacked on the Rocks
or the Blinded Cow?
Definitely the Smacked on the Rocks.
It's a little strong, but I think you're gonna like it.
Totally. Let's do it.
Wow.
This place is so nice.
How did you hear about it?
Well, I passed by the window, like, a thousand times, but I...
never had anyone special to go with.
Also, a dog I represent got into a huge lawsuit here.
-So, yeah... kind of vicious. -Oof.
Here's your Misty Wind...
Catch 'em before they go out, you're missing 'em.
-Come on, get it! -Mmm.
That was really good.
Here's your Smacked on the Rocks.
That was seriously good.
Here we are...
Finally, the main course!
No, that's for washing your hands.
What do you mean?
The chicken is not meant to be eaten, dude.
-Well, that's stupid. -Todd.
Are you getting fresh with me?
Maybe I am getting fresh. I'm the fresh king!
-Well, maybe I don't like that. -Oh, my God.
Is there any problem here?
Please, allow me to introduce myself.
I am Chef Jauc.
Yeah, Chef Jauc, we do have a problem here.
I'm Todd Barkley, dog lawyer,
and the food you serve here isn't real.
-In fact, it's bullshit. -Todd!
"Bullshit," you say?
Yeah.
I thought everything was delicious.
Oh, my, my.
And what is your name?
Jessica. Jessica Dump.
Do you mind if I have a little taste?
Of course. It would be my honor.
Don't mind if I do.
Oh. Oh, yes.
Oh, yes, that's...
There... there it is... Oh, yes.
Mmm. Oh, mmm.
Very good, very good. Well...
It's been a pleasure to have you today.
Please, come back anytime.
The both of you.
Todd, let me get this.
No, Jess, I got it.
-Are you sure? -Yeah.
I'm still so full, even though we hardly ate.
I don't think we actually did eat.
Gosh, there's still so much I wanna know about you.
What do you wanna know?
Well, um, off the top of my head, I guess...
What's the single most thing that haunts you, even to this day?
I knew you were gonna say that.
Well, if I had to say one thing, I'd have to say September 11th, 2001.
Oh, my God, Todd. 9/11?
What?
Oh, yeah. That's just a coincidence.
It was a beautiful fall day in New York City.
Todd! You were in New York on 9/11?
I mean, yeah, but the date's inconsequential.
Oh.
We were on our way to the Bronx Zoo.
My family's favorite zoo.
Great view, beautiful skyline...
Could you see the towers?
I mean, yeah, we could, but we were there for the animals.
That's not the point of the story, Jess.
-Okay, sorry. -It's okay.
The animals were hungry that day.
Especially the gators.
Oh, my God. Todd...
Gator attack?
Sort of.
Trains.
What?
I was left on a train.
My parents got off, but I stayed on.
I wanted to get off, but I didn't know what stop it was.
So I just kept riding...
and riding...
and riding.
I was on the train for what felt like forever.
How long?
Twenty minutes.
That's what the conductor said.
I haven't been able to ride a train ever since.
I go to the platform sometimes just to think.
But I can never get on.
Todd... I'm so sorry.
But what about the zoo?
What about the zoo?
Balloons!
-I haven't seen those in years! -Come on!
Hello.
Oh, hello!
Two, please.
Well, of course. How about...
these two.
This one, and this one.
Thank you.
Thank you, beautiful lady.
So what about you, Dump? Single woman, running her own store.
You ever think of doing something outside of trash?
I've thought about it, but...
I can't seem to wrap my head around the idea,
with my dad still missing or presumed dead.
Not until I find that popsicle stick.
The one he gave me as a child.
It sounds dumb, but...
trash connects me to him.
It's like he's here with me, you know?
I miss him so much.
Where are you, Daddy?
Daddy.
Daddy!
Hey.
You're cute.
Well, aren't they cute?
Where did I get this?
It just feels so easy with her.
Like I can finally be myself.
He brings out the best in me, Gina.
He supports my passions.
-He makes me laugh so much. -Aw.
Feels like I've known her for years, you know?
It sounds dumb, but it's like he knows me better than I know myself.
I love the way she laughs.
I love the way she cries.
But most of all...
-I love her. -I love him.
Wow. I never said that out loud before.
You know what my favorite season is?
-What? -You.
Todd!
What's my middle name?
-What? -You.
You know, these last few months have been extremely fun, Jessica.
I feel the same way, Todd.
Jessica?
Barry! Hi! How are you?
Oh, my God, it's been so long! How are you?
I'm good! Oh, my gosh. Uh, this is Todd, my boyfriend.
-Boyfriend? -Yeah, if that's okay.
Totally!
I remember you.
Pants guy.
I prefer Todd.
Barry, I thought you moved? What are you doing here?
Oh, I just moved back. They're opening a new Smell Institute.
Barry's an aromacologist.
I'm a sommelier of smell.
Ooh, big shot.
So what, you just smell things?
Kind of.
I always smell the finest products and produce that comes around,
you know, searching for abnormalities and, like, weird inconsistencies in there.
Well, it was great to see you, Barry.
It was great to see you too, Jessica. You look amazing.
Oh, before you both go...
I'm having a little bit of a smell fest at the Woodwind Shed.
We're gonna be smelling the finest products
imported straight from the Amalfi Forest.
It's to die for.
You guys will have great fun. You guys should totally come.
Sounds great. Thanks, Barry.
-Yeah, bye, Barry. -Bye, Jessica.
Ahh.
Pants guy.
I can't believe you dated that guy. He's so pretentious.
I was young, dumb, and in my twenties.
How old are you now?
Forty.
That's hilarious.
Oh, um...
I have a joke for you.
What do witches use when they go to the hotel?
Uh... I don't know. More towels?
Broom service.
I should've got that one.
Fuck!
All right.
My turn.
Okay.
Why didn't the colt laugh at the joke?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
I know this one!
Because he was a little hoarse.
Because he was a little hoarse!
God! Oh, my God!
Whoo!
Todd, why aren't you dancing?
'Cause I don't get the joke.
Okay, a colt is a little horse.
But he didn't laugh, because he was a little hoarse.
Yeah, I know what a horse is, Jessica.
Then... why didn't you get it?
Because I'm a lawyer, not Katt Williams.
Dog lawyer.
What?
Dog lawyer.
Not a real lawyer, Todd.
Apologize.
No.
You know what?
I don't need this.
Todd, no. No!
No...
What? It was a dumb joke.
That was the joke my dad read me before he disappeared.
Jessica...
You just dumped it like trash.
Like everything else in my life.
I didn't know the popsicle stick was your dad, Jessica!
You know what?
Why don't you just get out of here?
No, I'll find it.
It's taken me years to find that joke, Todd.
No, I'll find it. You'll see. I'll find the popsicle stick.
Todd, stop!
I'm dumping you, okay?
Now it's your turn to get dumped.
Jessica Dump is dumping me.
What?
I don't know what else to say.
I'm gonna find that popsicle stick, Jessica Dump.
Because I love you.
You'll see!
No!
Man...
I really thought he was the one, Chester.
I'm sorry, Jess.
Love is tricky.
You ever step in a big pile of shit?
I'm talking, like, a messy shit.
Like the kind you shit after a long night of dairy and hard fucking.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, I know what you mean.
So you got shit on your shoe.
You're pissed about it, so you clean it off,
and then when you clean it off, you realize,
you've got a great pair of shoes.
And all it took was a little bit of that shit to make you realize that.
Maybe I don't wanna be shit on to begin with.
Look, everyone steps in piles of shit.
We're covered in it. It's life.
I don't wanna be covered in shit, Chester.
Jessica, you can't dump your life.
Trash is only trash once you throw it away.
Maybe I should throw it away.
I mean, everything in my life is trash.
This place, these chairs...
and you.
You are trash, Chester.
Okay, Jessica, sweetheart, let's talk about this before your tits shit a brick.
No, you're not my dad!
Yes, I am!
What?
I'm your dad, Jessica.
What are you talking about?
I didn't know how to tell you.
I was worried when you were born that I was gonna raise you wrong,
you'd become a garbage person like me, so I... ran off.
I thought you were dead. I thought you died in that Forever 31.
Forever 31 is a hellhole.
But I didn't die there.
Well, you might as well have.
I gotta go.
Jessica. Come on, wait. Jessica!
We'll talk about this.
We're Dumps!
Jessica!
Jessica?
Oh, um...
Barry, hi.
I can smell a Dump a mile away.
Are you crying?
No, um...
A bunch of children
just ran here and punched me in the eye.
Oh, my goodness. Gentrification.
No, I...
I just got Lasik, and...
Oh, me too!
Oh.
I'm so sorry. That was all made up.
A fib?
The truth is...
Todd and I broke up.
Pants guy? No way.
Yeah, and I'm still just a little shaken up about it.
Oh, Jessica Dump, I am so sorry.
Anybody would be lucky to date you.
I just wish...
I didn't ruin my chance.
Oh, Barry, that's okay.
No, it's not okay, Jessica.
Listen, Smell Fest is happening right now...
You should come with me.
It'll take your mind off of things. It'll be fun.
That's okay. I'll just stay here.
-Just come. -Okay.
Though I'm blindfolded, I'm using all six of my senses
as I approach this object.
I feel it, I see it, I know it.
That makes no sense!
Russ, everybody experiences smells differently.
Mervis, tell me.
-What do you smell? -I smell nothing.
That's insane. We're all smelling something!
I smell the concept of nothing.
Jessica, what do you smell?
Uh, I guess I smell...
Lavender?
Good, Jessica, good.
I think I smell soap, because I'm not an idiot.
Russ, you are correct. It was soap.
I could've sworn it was mulch.
You know, my book of graphic poems was recently released,
and one of the poems is entitled "Dirt Sluts."
I think you'd really enjoy it.
We have another item here for you all to puff,
so please, put on your blindfolds.
Bask in it. What do you smell?
I know this is unorthodox, but...
I smell heartbreak.
I also smell heartbreak.
Heartbreak and... mulch.
You. I smell you.
Oh, come on, guys. This isn't how this works.
It's just a jar of mustard.
It's true, you do smell me.
My heart is broken.
The jar of mustard reminded me of my ex.
And I still love him.
I just feel so...
conflicted.
Who is he, Jessica?
I will kill him!
His name is Todd Barkley.
Todd Barkley?
I know Todd Barkley.
He's my Corgi's attorney.
He got my Rufus out of a real nasty lawsuit with a Shih Tzu.
He got my precious little Pookie out of a terrible robbery charge.
If you still love this Barkley, you can't let him loose.
You need to...
"Let him insatiate the glorified grime from deep within."
- "Dirt sluts will rise..." - Okay.
All right, all right, guys. Why don't we just get back to smelling, yes? Hmm.
This smelling is bullshit!
What are you still doing here, Jessica?
Go after your dog lawyer!
You're right, Russ.
Jessica, wait.
Sorry, Barry,
but these weirdos are right.
I need to follow my heart and my nostrils.
Fine, all right then, Jessica.
Go after your "pants guy."
But before you leave,
can I smell you, one last time?
Ugh, fine.
Okay, Barry, that's enough!
Goodbye, townspeople.
Goodbye, Jessica!
- Take care. - Bye.
What, you've never seen a train before? It's not a monster.
It's just a metal tube.
It can't even kill you.
Coco! Oh, my God. It's you!
It's a train...
-Little baby. -What?
Nothing.
I ride these all the time.
Where's Todd?
Oh, my God! The train!
Thank you, Coco.
It's just a metal tube.
Just a normal metal tube.
Todd! Don't do it!
Jessica?
Don't kill yourself, Todd.
It's just a popsicle stick!
I wasn't gonna kill myself.
I came out here to think clearly by the tracks.
I love you, okay?
I love you, Todd.
It's too late, Jess.
I ruined all your hopes and dreams,
and threw away the one joke that you've been searching for all these years.
It was one popsicle stick.
One joke!
I've been searching my entire life for that popsicle stick,
but I realized,
I've been searching for something else.
Your dad.
No.
A good deal?
Todd, what? No.
Me?
Bingo.
I've loved you since the moment I met you.
With your silly ripped pants,
your cute mustache,
your incredible judicial passion for dogs...
Oh, Jess.
That infection on your inner ass...
The one that no other girl knows about except for me.
-You know the one I'm talking about, Todd. -Yeah, I hear you.
-That puffy green ring-- -Yeah, we all heard it, Jess.
-Everyone heard that. -Todd!
You're the one.
Reconsider?
Oh, God. You better not let her down!
Oh, it's hot.
Chester, I told you to leave me alone!
Look, Jess, I know I fucked this in the ass,
like deep, deep in the ass, but... I love you.
Look, I've always loved you, and I know it might take you a while to forgive me,
but for God's sakes, I'm a Dump, and so are you!
You deserted me as a child.
You left me to fend for myself.
I have trust issues because of you.
You are trash.
Yes, I am trash, okay?
But hear me when I say this: So are you.
When you get down to it, everyone is trash.
It's what you do with your flaming pile of garbage
that helps you navigate through this disgusting world.
That was beautiful, Chester.
Thank you.
Chester, if you knew that you were my dad,
why would you tell me that I have a sweet rack,
or you wished that I was back on the market?
It was the only thing I could think of.
I didn't want you to figure out that I was your dad, sugarnips,
I mean, daughter.
Look, I've made some wrong turns in this world,
but I'll continue to fist myself in the asshole
if I lose you again.
Come on, Jess.
He's right.
Also, I didn't want this to get in the way of you two being together.
You found the popsicle stick!
- Yeah, I've had it taped to my... - ...chest...
all these years.
It got glued there accidentally.
Very painful.
But it just felt like it belonged next to my heart.
Oh, my God!
I love you, Chester-- I mean...
Dad.
I love you too, sweet tits.
I mean, sweetheart.
Ooh.
Ah!
Now, are you two gonna touch tongues, or what?
I don't know. What do you say, Jessica?
Are you ready for the Dump of a lifetime, Mr. Barkley?
Well, I usually take my dumps in private.
But sometimes, it just hits you,
and you gotta let it loose.
Kiss, already!
Yes, come on!
Now that's what I call... a love dump.
I had fun last night.
Okay, yeah, don't look at me.
Yeah, I don't care either.
Do you, like, love hanging out at the park?
Is this, like, your spot?
Okay, okay.
We'll just enjoy the day.
I'm so glad you're not going to jail.
Jessica!
Like this little cock right here.
My dad found this behind a Popeyes on Western Ave...
It's worth an easy $10,000. Don't touch.
It's worth an easy 10,000 grand.
-You scared me. -Sorry.
And if you take a look over here,
we've got candles made entirely of fecal matter.
I love candles. What about that witch hanging up there?
That's actually my grandma.
Based off my nan.
She was gorgeous.
Yeah... Polish.
This book, Snake Lake, was based on a true story about my old uncle.
-How old is he? -Seventy-two.
He's 72, but
has the body of a 17-year-old.
That's kinda gross.
...salvaging scraps
- and the ancient relics of Kansas.
Where'd your dad go?
Nobody knows.
I like to think he's somewhere across the world
getting fingered by dolphins.
He sounds like a real daddy.
Kind of.
Say "daddy" like it's a position in the military. - Oh. Yeah.
Oh, my...
He sounds like a real daddy.
Sir, yes, sir.
What?
I only needed one more popsicle stick.
Until I find that popsicle stick, it will never be completed.
Finding trash in the Tigris River...
Stroke down to the toes and then do it.
This is insane.
All I wanted was the choking, and now everyone's... Okay, ready?
I'm gonna love you until the day I die.
You give the best backrubs.
You're like my family.
I forgot to shower today.
Oops.
God, you look... What am I thinking of?
He looks amazing. He looks like Paul Giamatti, you know?
It looks like some Paul Thomas Anderson shot.
Do one where you... try not to hurt yourself,
-but like... -Bump my head?
Yeah.
Yeah, there you go.
What do witches use when they go to hotels?
Um, I don't know, more towels?
No, broom service!
Oh, should've got that one!
Fuck! Fuck. Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck!
What did the witches use... Fuck!
And Jesse, could you cheat and go back,
and Leila, go a little bit forward.
Awesome. You the best.
Thank you.
Todd, let me get this.
No, Jess. I got it.
-Are you sure? -Yeah, I am sure.
What?
Cut!
Oh, shit.
Maybe you should take a class on letting your emotions out.
Maybe I teach that class.
-Maybe I teach it-- -Oh yeah, you do?
How do I sign up for it? Psych!
Ready... Action.
Couldn't be more perfect. That's awesome...
Tap him on the shoulder.
Oh, my God. Perfect.
Awesome.
Yeah, I love that.
- Cool. - So good.
So fucking good.
Perfect.
- Done. - All right, cut.
-Hold for train. -Hold for train.
Beat me to it.
Vanessa doesn't understand it. I gotta get this footage so I can--
We'll put it on your reel.
Hold yourself more tighter. Yeah.
Hold it. Yeah.
Great.
I think it'd be really funny if he walks by.
Wait, hold for...
These teenage boys.
Yeah.
Hold for these hot teens.
So, Rufus, there's no denying it.
You definitely bit the guy.
Okay.
Chug, sit.
Sit. Sit.
Sit. Chug, sit.
"Bark, bark, I love you Leila."
"Bark, bark, I love you."
I got a little on my nose.
That's okay.
Cute dog.
He's actually not mine. He's my client.
Oh.
- Cool. So... - Cut.
I'm an angel's breast.
Victoria's Secret IPEX bra.
I used to get warts, as a kid.
Toads have warts, so I developed a strong bond with the animal.
I used to have hemorrhoids.
You think that I'm not one-take Halpern?
One-take wonder.
One-take Charna.
Hi, it's me, Mom.
What was I supposed to say?
Got a loud horde of teens coming.
- Oh, they're not teens. - It's a family.
Probably a few teens in there.
I'm so tired, it's so easy to cry.
Okay, yeah, you can cry a little bit.
God, it feels like my body is shutting down in a fun way.
Good.
So tight.
I'm worried, but I like it.
Hey!
Do you have a Target gift card?
Smile. Hi.
You look so handsome.
Damn, Jesse, damn!
Really shake it out. Really quick.
Bring the energy.
You're about to pass out. Yeah, hold onto the sides.
Good, that's good.
I become... Ant Man!
I want ice cream!
I want ice cream.
All of them!
I want ice cream!
I wanted the pink balloon.
-Yeah. -I want ice cream.
-Good job. -No, I'm done.
Yeah!
Can we just see how that looks
with you trying to cheers him and him cheers-ing the camera?
I love that. Yes, let's do that.
Fuck yeah, hell yeah.
Bye, pants guy.
- Watch out for that kid. - You first.
You first.
You second.
Bye.
You're attractive.
-You're attractive. -You're attractive.
You're attractive. Big tits.
You got big tits.
I have big tits.
My woman now.
- All right, ready? - You're my woman.
Set, Cornell Franklin, and... action.
Where is she?
No, no no!
She only wants snack breaks.
We have to do bloopers in the credits and stuff.
Let's get him a little bit more.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's good.
That's good. Thanks, Jason.
Smack her.
Hey.
That helped, that helped.
No, hit me, hit me!
Hit me!
-Hit me! -No.
Well, of course. How about...
Gigi, she's my favorite.
And for you...
Bronson.
Hey! They didn't pay!
And... sexy gopher.
No nodes today. Not today, nodes. Mmm.
Mmm.
Mmm, mommy's moo milk.
Mmm.
Ooh!
- Ooh! - And...
Ooh!
- Mmm. - We're rolling.
And let's put the coffee down.
- Do a... - A jig?