Hi, I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist.
In addition to probing the secrets of the universe,
I'm also a movie buff.
Today, I introduce you to a film
that everyone thought was lost forever
until a print was recently discovered
in a Hollywood Vault, Future '38,
forgotten treasure from 1938.
It's one of the first color pictures,
preceding Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz
by a year, but what interests me most is the science.
Finally, a movie that gets time travel right.
The concepts and technology imagined
for the film were so advanced,
they inspired an entire generation of scientists
and engineers, and guess what?
When our hero travels to the distant future,
where does he land?
The year 2018.
How did those 1938 filmmakers imagine our time?
What did they get wrong,
but more importantly, what did they get right?
Let's find out.
We know look back at a film that looks forward to today.
Roll projector.
Dateline 1938, Germany re-arms.
For Adolf Hitler, might makes Reich,
as his jackbooted Jerries annex Austria
and swallow the Sudetenland,
Poland, Czechoslovakia, France,
what nation is next in Adolf's agenda of aggression?
All Europe trembles as World War number two looms,
and what of America?
What frantic preparations for war are underway
in that great nation across the sea?
General Sportwood will see you in a moment.
Would you like a drink?
I don't mind if I do.
Whiskey always helps me wait.
Pour one on the pebbles, then.
I like that.
So what is it the general wants to see you about?
Search me, I got a telegram this morning.
Now what's that?
When they get to the bottom,
it flips over and they start again.
They keep going like that forever, eh?
Swell by me, it gives me something to pass the time.
I only have 10 nails.
The general will see you now.
How do you do, I'm--
Jack Essex.
Drink?
Know all about you, Mr. Essex.
Graduated the army academy, highest marks in history,
declined an officer's commission, no reason given.
I didn't think the uniform flattered my figure.
Sit.
No family, a string of, shall we say, interesting jobs,
never long in one place.
Doesn't seem you have much to hold on to, Essex.
How lousy for me.
Great for me though.
Makes you just the man that I need,
that and your peak physical condition, cigarette?
Let's say we skip the shinola.
The man you need for what?
I needn't tell you what's happening in Europe.
Hitler's running amuck and freedom's on the schneid.
It'll be war before long.
Our military's just not ready.
You don't say.
We have a solution.
Here's Dr. Elcourt from the laboratory of science.
Have you heard of Formica?
Sounds pretty scientific.
I am a scientist.
Watch this classified film strip briefing.
Elke.
Mankind has long grasped
the theoretical destructive power of Formica,
but can this mighty forced be harnessed,
tamed, controlled?
Uncle Sam says yes with project Top Secret,
a top secret project approved by the highest authority.
A vast clandestine program
blending brilliant brains with brute brawn.
Intellect and industry inseparably intertwined.
The result, a Formica Bomb.
The bomb will be fueled by the brand new formica isotope.
We may demonstrate its power
using an ordinary household ice cube.
Tough luck ice cube.
You're no match for the awesome power of formica.
Well that's swell if you're planning to bomb a highball.
It's not powerful enough just yet.
The isotope's power increases over time.
At 60 minutes old, it can melt one ice cube.
How long till it will juice that firecracker of yours?
42 million minutes.
That's 80 years.
Exactly, but freedom can't wait.
There's only one solution.
The isotope must be fetched from the future.
You can't be serious.
I can be and am.
Elcourt and his eggheads haven't merely built a super bomb,
why, they've invented time travel.
Scientists, we've harnessed the link
between spatial and temporal dislocation.
Care to warble in English, songbird?
You caught that ball a quarter second after he threw it.
What does that tell you?
I oughta play for the Dodgers.
If an object moving through space
must also move through time,
then the reverse should be true.
We can throw a baseball through time
if we accept that it will also move through space.
I'm the baseball.
This dislocation transducer will fling
you 80 years into the future.
Elcourt and his pencil pushers
can't even tell where you'll pop up.
Scientists, it'll be some place within this circle.
After 12 hours, the dislocation will reappear
at the same spot to fetch you back to 1938.
Miss it and you'll be trapped in the future forever,
while our present plunges into peril.
Now I'm as patriotic as the next sap,
but this sounds a mite risky.
Perhaps this will help you decide, $10,000,
wrapped up nice and pretty.
Payable upon return.
You just bought yourself a sap.
And you just made a wise choice, my friend.
I think I'll take that drink now, general.
We know this is a lot for you to remember, Mr. Essex.
I have a very good memory.
12 hours to find that little gimcrack, eh?
In the great big 21st century.
It'll be right here.
Inanium steel, anchored to the bedrock beneath this city.
This inanium, is it bullet proof?
Yes. Fire proof?
Yes. Bomb proof?
Yes.
Why it's everything proof.
For 80 years, the isotope sits, gaining power, waiting,
waiting for you to bring it back to 1938.
Upon your return, we'll detonate the bomb
out in the desert.
When Hitler sees that, he'll sign
on to Good Neighbor Policy in a Berlin minute.
Now here, put this on.
What's this?
It's called a chronotard.
Galvanically snug so as not to jostle
your temper moods.
I wouldn't want them jostled.
Without the chronotard, you'd arrive
in the future quite nude.
Mabel, get me two green five, three one nine.
This whole time travel business,
it all seems a bit like cheating mother nature.
Perhaps it is and like any good mother,
she can only be fooled once.
You must succeed, Essex, there can never be another chance.
Engineering, activate precisely at noon.
Guard this key with your life.
It's the only one in the world.
Where am I to?
Anything you take must be inserted inside your body.
Your mouth, Essex.
Of course.
20 seconds.
10 seconds.
You mustn't lose that key.
An apartment.
Welcome to the hit parade,
sponsored by the hit pomade, Groom-U.
This number's the dizzy doozy of 2018,
The Tipsy Tinglers, which set my toes a twinkle.
Telephone.
Number please.
Ouch.
Who are you? Mabel, your operator.
Number please.
Amazing.
Put me through to the war department, won't you?
I'm sorry, I've no listing for any war department.
Have you another query, sir?
You know I read where they've discovered a brain
eating bacteria.
You won't have to worry, Iota.
Oh, thanks Lux.
Thanks for the excursion, gals,
anything to get out of this salt mine, I--
Who's this broad shouldered thrill?
Cradle the blower, mac,
no using the telephone unless you're guest.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to--
Didn't mean to glom a free call, yeah,
it was a quaint misunderstanding, sure.
I was born in the year 1990, not yesterday.
My name is Essex.
I'm Banky, I run the joint.
These are my pals, Lux and Iota.
We all met at the beauty parlor
and ever since we've been insufferable.
Well, I am--
Text message for Banky Butterfield.
From whom?
Lloyd Bellnord, noted violinist.
Dear Banky, let's make beautiful music together.
Any reply?
Go fiddle with yourself, LOL.
What's LOL?
Lay off Lloyd.
Some way to talk to an opulent admirer.
Plenty of suitors, but none of 'em suit her.
I was gonna throw him over anyway.
He lives in Brooklyn.
Squarest part of town.
Besides, I can't stand philanderers.
I think some flowers could really
brighten up the place.
Well, I was just looking--
Dang.
I wrote a swell new riddle.
You girls wanna hear it?
What do you wait for but never want
and follow by stopping?
Why, that's fine, Iota.
Very good.
Well, what do you want for but never want
and follow by stopping?
Oh, I wouldn't know.
I only write the questions.
There's another fella that writes the answers.
Go on to your room, girls.
I'll send your parcels in the dumbwaiter.
You sure you're all right, honey?
I'm ritzy.
It's a laughing hour running this place.
Okay, Banky, have a sienna.
Have a sienna.
Your friend Lux, she's allowed here?
Allowed?
Only when the fleeting, really,
and no one much complains, thick walls.
I've seen you before?
Not very likely, I'm from the past, sedena.
Visiting from the Pasadena.
I don't know from the Pasadena,
but here in the New York,
there's such a thing as checking in.
Checking out.
Oh, did you have a pleasant stay?
The radiator didn't work.
That's because the radiator doesn't work.
Oh, help the boy with your valise, won't you?
Good morning.
Dollar 27 a night.
Paying cash or will you put it on your charge plate.
I haven't any money I'm afraid.
I have it there, enough with a nickel to spare.
I'll ring the boy for your luggage,
though you'll have to carry it, front.
I actually haven't any luggage
and I don't think I'll go to my room just yet.
Say, Banky, can I have just a little trickle?
It's scarcely noon.
Suppose it is, guess I better be seeing
to those linens.
I guess you better have.
Essex.
Now what's the point of a bellhop can't hop?
What's the point of flinging an old fool to the curb?
I let him flop for free.
The monkey suit lets him feel he earns his keep.
He thinks he looks out for me.
Buttons a swell magenta.
Drunk?
He's a drunk, they're not the same.
What the meter reads at this particular moment,
I couldn't say.
Now I think of it, you whiff of whiskey too, old stuff.
I haven't had a drink in decades.
Living on handouts doesn't make me think much of a man.
He isn't much of a man.
Suppose I oughta give him a bow job.
I beg your pardon?
A bow job.
Oh, you know, a Robo Job, mechanical robot,
helps around the house,
or don't people give bow jobs where you come from?
They give 'em.
They're the latest convenience,
have such trouble with the walls, though.
Light me.
I say, you trying to to torch my visa.
Amazing.
Bell boy's all right.
Why, he didn't even notice you wearing his clothes.
Why are you wearing his clothes?
When I first came in here, I had on a swell suit, see,
I was togged to the bricks.
Pasadena's juviest, proceed.
Well, then I slipped and fell
on this sharp letter opener,
pinked my garb to ribbons.
So you changed into the old bird's feathers.
They were sitting right on the davenport.
Couldn't have someone waltz along
while I standing there unabridged.
No, that would be ludicrous.
So, where are the other duds?
Yes, I think so.
The threads, you daft.
Should be around here, right?
Actually I flung 'em out the door.
Oh.
And don't bother eyeing the avenue,
the rag man was coming by and they fluttered
right into his car, long gone by now.
How convenient.
For the rag man, oh certainly.
Say, I've gotta go.
Would you show me about?
I really oughta hoover the linoleum.
Please, I have a place to find
and this entire world is new to me.
Being from Pasadena.
Suppose I will, I could use a little fun
and you're Coney Island without the smell.
Funny he'd leave his clothes in the foyer.
Amazing, glorious, stupendous.
Outlandish costumes, yearning skyscrapers.
Life's rich pageant.
What brings you to NY anyway?
You could say I'm running an errand for the government.
Ooh, upstanding citizen type, eh?
I'm in it strictly for the cash, sister.
Uh huh.
First thing is to find the War Department.
It's on Delancy.
I don't know any Delancy Street.
Don't know Delancy Street?
You must not go down much.
I go down.
Oh, you hungry, we could go to McDonald's?
McDonald's?
Nice little Irish place.
Hold up, I just wanna check CNN.
CNN?
Yes, City National Newspaper.
Oh, I'm sure there's a newsstand nearby somewhere.
Newsstand, how quaint.
Ain't you heard of the 24 hour news cycle.
Here it comes now.
Extra, extra, Diplo wing ding,
Extra, extra.
Put it on my account.
Read all about it.
Extra, extra.
Someone left their dinner service on the curb.
This is fancy stuff.
Don't they have bendo in Pasadena, bub?
Bendo?
Yeah, it's made from gasoline
or brilliantine or something.
You fling it after one use.
Why ever would you use something and then fling it?
Seems everything's bendo these days.
Once used, it's melted down and turned
into something else.
Doesn't sound very permanent.
That's the beauty part.
Tomorrow that'll be a foon, probably.
Foon?
What on earth is?
Where are all the skirts headed?
What am I, the earl of answer?
To their jobs, I expect.
But they're old enough to be married.
Pardon me, where are you going?
To the construction site.
A homemaker, isn't that nice.
Don't get involved, Banky.
Excuse me, what do you do?
Why, I cook and clean and tend house.
Your husband must be very happy.
My husband happens to be a wife.
And I am very happy indeed.
Did you hear that?
They're jolly, what of it?
But they're married.
City hall's been hitching jollies for 40 years.
Guess they're no smarter than the rest of us.
These automobiles are kippy.
Keep petting my coop and she'll
expect dinner and a show.
Beautiful, so smooth and straight.
It's the ought nine Zesta.
Peach of a flipper.
Care to go motoring?
Well, really I don't-- Certainly.
Utopia Drive, Progress Ave.
Never heard of these streets before.
Say, what's that wigwam?
That's the Shriner's HQ, great bunch of goons,
swell fellas.
It's all who you know.
That's the Groom-U plant.
That is the Formica Institute
oh and that's the League of Nations.
Haven't been in a car like this before.
A Zesta, you call it?
Detroit's finest.
Criminey.
Flies like a cloud, don't she?
Don't even need a key.
Key, right.
Say, what time is it?
I'll check my telephone.
Operator, oh, operator.
How may I help you?
Say, Mabel, what's the o'clock?
1:45 precisely on the tone.
10 and a quarter hours left.
Say, Lester, where's Delancy Street from here?
Can't say as I've heard of it.
Really?
Pull over, I'll ask this flatfoot.
Oh.
Just there.
Say you wanna go out?
That's the plan, peppy, if you'll throw the bolt.
With me, I mean. Darling.
Hit the speaks, you know?
Color the city crimson.
Really, I don't. Oh, come on.
I'll telephone sometime, what's your combo?
Sky alert three, two 17 five,
three, two, one.
Swell, I'm Les.
I'll say.
Officer, could you direct us to Delancy Street?
No, of course, can't says I know it.
Are you quite sure.
I know every street in this burg
or my name isn't Seamus O'Reilly.
Check the electromesh.
Electromesh?
Sure the global system allowing access
to all the information in the world.
How do I do that?
Well you, how do you check the electromesh?
You're trying to give me the hot foot?
You'll have to excuse him,
he's from Pasadena.
Go to a computer parlor, just like everybody else,
now beat along before I book you on suspicion.
Computer parlor?
Come on, I know the best one in town.
If it isn't a little Banky.
How's Clanky today?
Kicking but she'll manage.
Here to check up on your old boyfriends?
No, those eggs went bad a long time ago.
He's your customer today.
I'm along for the fresh air.
You wanna latch into the electromesh,
wait your turn at the console.
Oh.
That's the problem with computers,
you waste so much time on line.
Got another search engine.
Well, go on.
I'm sorry, what is the electromesh exactly?
The electromesh is the global system
allowing access to all the information in the world.
Isn't that what the cop said?
Yes.
We're gonna be here till Arbor Day,
listen, Clanky, where is the war department.
No current listing.
Telling you it's on Delancy Street.
How do I get to Delancy from here.
No current listing.
Hey Banky, come on, people are waiting.
I just can't figure it.
That electromesh job is supposed to know everything, right?
Well, yeah, it's the electromesh.
Why no war department, no Delancy,
what's going on?
Handsome, listen to me.
You're looking for a place that doesn't exist
on a street that's not a street.
You act like you don't know ish-kibble
about bow jobs, broads, or bendo,
when some Jasper shows you his crummy old Zesta,
you act like it's a next year's Pontelux.
I have to tell you you caught amnesia or something.
Well, I did take a crack to the bean.
Sure, you're just a little cuckoo, goofy.
Slug nutty.
Better ice that berg.
Am I crazy?
I remember another time, another world so clearly.
I feel that way sometimes,
came from Saskatoon to star on a stage,
wound up front of house at a flop house.
My old life and friends,
I guess I keep it all locked away.
Remembering I get sad.
Shut up, Banky, you're being prolix.
Hi, how are you?
Saskatoon, eh? Mm hmm.
Do you go back?
I don't think I can go back until I succeeded
what I came here for.
I know the feeling.
If crazy people feel sane,
and if you feel sane, how can you be sure
you're not crazy?
Let's double down on the ice, I think.
I thought I would recognize something,
a building, a street, something,
everything just changes.
Way of the world, I suppose.
Nothing's carved in stone.
Carved in stone.
I think I was here.
I was in knee pants.
It must have been 100 years ago.
Feels that way sometimes.
There were rail road tracks.
Here.
This hasn't been real tracks since--
My dad said "Jackie, let's make our mark on the world."
He had a chisel.
This was all bare rock then,
but they ought yet be here under the dirt.
What had?
His name was William.
Need something to dig with.
This is crazy, you're a sick man
who should be in bed with two ice cubes on his head,
of all the prize notions,
watching you root for truffles
while I have a flop to furbish,
it's work, work, work, and dough I make
you could put in your eye.
Why a girl can't--
William Essex, Jack Essex.
How did you know that would be under there.
There we are, my dad and me.
Funny, it's like I'm seeing him again,
long gone now, suppose I am, too,
but now I know this isn't a fever dream.
I wanna go back to that Dick's place right now.
Sure, Essex, sure.
Just can't figure out why no more Delancy.
Now, I think of it, didn't Moses change the names?
No, he parted the Red Sea.
Oh, Robert Moses, you fern.
The mayor, years ago, he changed all the old street names.
You might have mentioned that previously.
Ancient history.
Got him down on one knee already, Banky?
When's the nuptials?
Oh, don't mind him, Essex.
He's spent the past three years studying abroad.
What's wrong with that?
I'm the broad.
Nerds.
Let's try again, Clanky.
Where is the war department?
No current listing. Oh.
Where was the war department?
25 Arcadia Street.
Well, I'll be.
What is currently at that spot?
The German consulate, we found it.
Computers, bendo, picture phones,
what happened in the last 80 years?
Put it on my account.
Try the cuisine, it's a specialty.
can thou bring a menu?
Menu, menu, menu.
Aren't you antique now, no menus here.
It's just victual reality.
Victual?
VR, victual reality, it's how you order.
Pretty standard.
Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order?
I can't believe it.
Sir?
He's from Pasadena.
He'll have the pork chop.
And for madame?
Birthday cake.
It's your birthday?
No.
Oh, I feel like I just cracked
the world's biggest fortune cookie.
Fortune tells the future.
That stuff's all passed.
Depends on where you're sitting, I guess.
1938, United States detonates Formica Bomb.
Yeah, they kaibashed some ghost town
in the desert, Las Vegas or Vegas, something.
1939, Nazis fall from power.
World peace era begins.
World peace.
Sure, there hasn't been a shooting war
in I don't know since when.
It's all thanks to formica.
Then my mission succeeded.
That is if I make it back with the isotope,
but if I don't, history goes a completely different way
and this is all a dream,
a dream that nobody ever had.
Cory Pemberdon is on NBC Red tonight.
He's my favorite band leader.
1946, TV phone invented.
Man lands on moon, 1977.
Life discovered on Mars, 1991.
Yeah, those cucumbery things.
If you wanna read all that old dope,
I'll give you a history book.
Okay, give me a history book.
Why would I have a history book?
Life expectancy reaches 100.
Well, what with all the science and all,
and everyone eats so healthy.
Pork chop and birthday cake.
Will you bring me a martini with that, dry?
One third vermouth? Perfect.
What is this?
Why it's a foon, of course.
You're gonna tell me they don't have foons in Pasadena.
Why don't you know anything,
oh this is disturbing.
Banky, I've got to tell you something
and you're gonna find it very queer.
I run a New York City flop house.
There is nothing I find very queer.
I was sent here from the year 1938
to save civilization.
That's very queer.
You see, I told you so.
That is very queer, look at this.
Reception tonight at German Consulate.
Same place that came up in our mesh search.
coinqi-dinky
Banky, I am a time traveler
sent here on the most important mission ever,
can't you get that?
Get this, I dated a comedian once,
sort of fell for the clown,
then what happened?
He squirted his flower in my face and took off
leaving me high and dry and wet.
Old Banky doesn't sprawl for comedians anymore,
so keep your funny stories to yourself.
But it's the truth.
I just don't grasp it,
maybe I'm not big enough, mentally.
So long.
Bye.
Put it on my account.
That is really special.
We're going to the same place.
Yep.
Awkward having to hoof it together.
Let's me start and you wait 10 seconds.
No dice, it's my joint.
Why should I follow you like the shovel man
at the elephant parade?
Well, then, let's you start
and I'll walk behind you.
Oh, so you can ogle my caboose for 11 blocks?
Fat chance.
I'm getting a call.
Yes?
I have juniper four, seven eight seven on the line.
Thanks, Mabel, put her through.
Banks, you have got to get back here.
Matzoh just showed.
Oh, Criminey, he did?
Yeah, with some big torpedo.
Bitter herb if I know him.
I think the angling for some cabbage, why don't--
Hello?
Is there trouble on the wire?
The line's gone dead.
What was all that about?
The Jewish syndicate, they run this town.
The boy tried to throw them out.
Say, wouldn't you fellas like to hear a nice riddle?
What do you wait for but never want,
and follow by stopping?
Only thing funny is that old geranium
trying to roust us.
You didn't laugh like that
when I busted your nose.
You, bust my nose?
Wise guy, eh?
Tell your golem to leave and go, Matzoh, I'm here.
Drop him like an empty dress Bitter.
Yeah, all right, Matzoh.
Say, you didn't have to--
Not so fast.
Case you're feeling frisky,
my boy here's wearing a strap on.
Don't make him drill you.
How's my favorite lady lodge keeper?
Why don't you go prick your finger or vice versa?
Cool day today, lucky Banky.
Matzoh has this racket called taking your temperature,
isn't that charming?
Bitter check CNN for the weather.
Yeah, all right, Matzoh.
61 degrees.
61 bucks, foon it over.
Say, you haven't oughta--
The Saperstein family offers protection
to half the city.
From who? The Saperstein family.
Oops.
Clutzy Bitter.
He kaiboshed your atomizer.
Who needs to atomize?
This twist won't raise a fuffle.
Go flip your gelt outside.
Yeah, all right, Matzoh.
Inscrutable Banky, maybe you could do
with a good scruting.
Let's don't get Rudy tootie.
Could really bring down the temperature.
I'd far rather cope with the heat.
I'd give that yeg a varnish
were it not for the Rosco in this tress.
How to distract him?
My pepper spray, I always carry
in case I meet a fellow I don't like.
She's never used it yet.
The weather changes every day--
Hey, Matzoh.
Take this.
Lilac.
Oh, murder, it's my perfume.
Hands up, Matzoh, you're surrounded.
Outside?
Slug him.
Ow.
That tooth hurts, doesn't it?
Jeepers, what'd you hit him with?
My tin of Groom-U.
Where'd you learn to throw your voice?
Had a stint in Vaudeville.
We'd better hide the Matzoh.
Bitter Herb will get salty
if Matzoh doesn't rise right quick.
I'll handle it.
Say your boss is on queer street,
the skirts conked him.
I tried to pull him out and all I got was his coat.
Wait, put this on.
Why?
Matzoh's gun is in the pocket,
in case you need a spare.
Yeah, all right.
Oh.
Here's your money, every degree.
Didn't have to do all that.
Well, you didn't do all that, I did half that,
but still thanks, Essex.
I hate to see those yegs vex you so.
It's not gonna make 'em squeal for joy
if I don't find some real dough soon,
I may have to move in with my mother.
Is that so bad?
Where does she live?
Woodlawn Cemetery.
Come along you too.
It's a good thing I was close by in my prowl car.
We've been trying to nab these two for a long time.
Oh, really?
O'Reilly.
There we go, come on now.
Out you go, out you go.
Come to the consulate with me this evening.
There's something I have to do before I can go home.
I know the feeling.
Sure I will.
No one has to tell me when five's a crowd.
Come on, Iota, let's help him.
Pitiful to see a man so dwindled.
Remind me to never age around you.
If we're stepping out, I oughta don
something swankier than these dungarees,
and this won't do.
No, it's not really coming off as I thought it would.
Just give it a pull.
Well, I am pulling, dear, all right.
Large thumb joints.
Remarkable, it's like glass, only cotton.
Try this o-AAAHH!
Quit the shenanigans, you'll catch a stifle, my gosh.
The bell boy's?
Yes, the bell boy's.
Can't believe you're gonna throw that stuff away.
It's bendo, it's expendable, spendable, expendable.
Have to say the old fossil has taste.
Good thing he's my size.
Well, aren't you looking festooned?
Not so bad yourself.
Come on, we've got a subway to catch.
Queer, I keep thinking people
are looking at me.
If you ask me, you got a touch of the psychology.
Suppose you're right.
Nobody knows me here.
Oh, hold still, primping ain't easy.
It's just the consulate we're going to.
Besides, I can't see much room for improvement
over your every day mug.
Jack Essex, I think you just committed a compliment.
What exactly is it we're looking for?
A safe.
What is it inside this safe?
Something to prevent a world war.
Don't be a melon, there could never
be a second world war.
There already was, Banky, 80 years ago,
if it happened, if I succeed,
it doesn't happen, didn't happen, won't happen.
Cut the...
All you need to know is that inside
the German consulate, there's a very old safe
with something priceless inside.
Metrocards, please?
This goes for both of us.
Please swipe again.
Train coming soon.
It's 7:53, should be along presently.
She's running right on time.
I'm running out of time.
I must hurry.
Reporters only.
We just need to convince him you're a scribe.
Let's cop the bus bee from that old junko.
Say is that the bell boy?
Shazam, it is.
He stinks of whiskey.
Hey, boy, boy, wake up.
What are you doing here?
I remember now.
I remember now, what do you suppose he meant by that?
It's the trickle talking.
Something's missing, hmm.
Uh huh.
Hey, presto, you're a reporter.
Hello, hello. Hi, reporter.
Hello. Hello.
I'm from the 24 hour news cycle.
Yes.
No reporters inside.
Herr Hitler's arriving soon.
Hitler?
Adolf Hitler?
He's from Pasadena.
Adolf's son, Lamont.
The German ambassador.
Lamont, yes, Lamont Hitler.
Yes, you know Lamont.
Of course, yes, yes, Lamont.
Here he comes.
Oh, here.
How will we get through?
We need to create a distraction.
I've got it figured.
Rendezvous at the door and hold these.
Shoe is a nice evening.
Ambassador Hitler, what have you to say
to Mr. And Mrs. America from coast to coast
and all the ships at sea?
I am here to celebrate the friendship
between our nations.
For 80 years, Germany has been a peaceful,
reasonable, harmless, little nation,
and I look forward to many more happy years between--
Banky pants'd Hitler.
Well, well, well, hurry, do something, do something.
Who saw that, turn that thing off?
I remember the layout.
The vault room should be there.
The reporter jag won't fly.
Scrubs are forebodin in here.
The right way.
You're a father.
I don't think so.
Here comes our hiney.
Quick, what's my name?
I don't know, oh, ah, think of something.
When was your last confession?
I am Louis Smelling.
Consulate security chief.
Well. Consulate security chief.
And you are who?
Herr Smelling, may I present to you Father...
Land.
Fatherland? Yes.
It's why I'm here,
because there is no bigger fan of the father land
than Father Land.
I see and what exactly is the name of your church,
may I ask?
Why, it's the church of...
Holy toledo.
The church of Holy Toledo.
Yes, it's in Toledo.
Toledo, yet, Criminey.
And your companion is also from Toledo?
From there, why I am the governor.
Mayor. Governor Mayor.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Shall we revolve, Father?
Push, push. What, what?
Push.
Herr ambassador, may I present Governor Mayor
and Father Land.
At last, at last I meet this charming creature
I've admired from across the room.
Scolding, scolding, captain,
for keeping her all for yourself.
It's nice to meet you, Herr Hitler.
Delighted.
Smelling, did you catch the rascal
who descended mine pantaloons?
Not yet, but we will and then...
Come, come, captain, what bureaucrat
is not caught with his pants down from time to time.
Oh yes.
Naughty, naughty, must not monopolize our guests.
That's a Hitler for you, always taking over the party.
Ilsa, is our social director.
Ilsa, may I present Governor Mayor and Father Land.
I leave you in good hands.
As titular hostess, I welcome you.
You certainly are titular.
Have we met before?
As social director, I meet so many handsome men.
Ahem.
Well, I must go, I'm entertaining.
I'll say.
Oh my...
Wipe that frau off your face.
I thought we're on a mission.
Quick clock blocking me.
9:20, less than three hours left.
I think they're buying our story for now.
It's fun to lie with you.
In your dreams, Padre.
Here's betting that door is locked.
Got a hair pin?
You pick locks?
I dabble.
Joint's really filling up.
Now how to get across the room without attracting attention?
Jack Essex, are you asking me to dance?
Cover my back.
Watch the hands, fella.
I have, it's nearly half past.
Sorry, I'm an oaf.
No.
Don't go in for carpet slicing.
Haven't you a sweetheart?
I'm not much for all that.
Gals are like teeter totters,
fun at first, but then I get a little queasy.
Don't get me wrong, I like them.
The way they smell.
Teeter totters?
Gals. Ah.
But I tend to lose interest as soon as I get off.
Teeter totters. Yes, of course.
Hold that position.
Shouldn't take long to pick the lock.
You needn't hurry on my account.
You know I can teach you how to lock pick
if you like.
I have so much to learn from you.
I teach at a school for fingerless children.
That's a lie.
If a fingerless eight year old can learn,
so can you.
Actually, I think it's open.
It's currently open.
I think it's been open this entire time.
Well, let's open it, let's open it.
I don't need to... Just open the door like a normal person.
I think I ruined your hair pin.
Do you have others?
Pitch black in here.
I'll switch on my telephone.
Number please, hello, hello?
Have you a query?
Are you there?
This is the place all right.
Must be some kind of store room now.
Don't see any vault.
Must be here somewhere under all this junk.
When they get to the bottom,
it flips over and they start again.
Bully for them.
I'm going to see if anyone's on to us.
Be right back.
You took the long way, but you made it here, too.
Bingo.
Open up.
How do I know it's Banky and not a German?
It's me, open up.
Who won the 37th series?
That was 55 years before I was born,
crack that hatch, boob.
It's Banky.
The Yankees.
The coast is clear for now,
but it won't be long before Lamont
and his Lamontourage realize that you're
not the pope of Ohio.
You were none too convincing either, Mayor Governor.
Governor Mayor.
Just open your piggy bank, whatever it is and let's flounce.
Sure I just.
I haven't got it.
What? The key.
I haven't got it. Where is it?
I haven't got it. Go get it.
I haven't got it.
It's in the silver jacket.
The one that you yanked off of me.
Yanked off, when I yank off a man's clothes,
they won't be yours, buster.
I need to open this, just the same.
Can't you get cash with my pin?
Not money in there,
and this lock even I can't pick.
We need the key.
Boy, sporting the silver number just outside.
If we live it's a cinch.
They won't let us back in.
The key must come to us.
He'll never make it in on his own.
No answer from scarlet four two three five.
I can continue trying if you like.
She scarcely answers her phone.
You could send a text message.
Good idea.
Yes.
I need to send a text pronto.
Text message for Lux Lomax.
Ready.
Call me.
I'll read that back, call me.
I have starlight four--
Yeah, yeah, put her through.
On the line.
I got your text message, honey, what's up?
Can you make it downtown tootie sweet?
Jeez, Banks, I'm gonna be at Idlewilde
at the crack for an eight AM clip.
And I'm in curlers.
It's a swell romp at the crown consulate.
Germans, eh?
Well, I do like sausage.
The bell boy is outside.
Whatever you do, bring him in with you.
Whatever for?
Never mind about that, I'll fix it on this end.
See you soon.
Bye.
Bye, Iota.
Bye.
Are you quite sure?
There can be no doubt.
This is the same man.
My dear Mr. Essex,
the man who diverted history.
Thanks to you, Germany is peaceful, polite, pathetic.
But Lamont Hitler was born for better things.
Thanks to you, the Nazis will return.
Nein.
They will never have gone away in the first place.
What we do today will rewrite the past.
If my plan succeeds, eight humiliating decades
will be erased, this reality will never be,
and the Nazis will rule the world.
Yoo hoo, Herr Hitler.
Oh, please, my dear, you must call me Lamont.
Oh, well, Lammy.
I have a friend who'd simply adore this clam bake.
Think you could square it with the gun slugs at the door?
Who is this friend exactly?
He is-he is a...
he ishe's a shriner.
The of all the Shriners,
old fellow, terribly important in Shrining circles.
He's bringing with him two lady proteges.
Proteges, eh?
Oh, yes.
Consider it done.
Thanks, awfully.
Any friend of someone so charming.
Oh, oh.
Hitler you are tonguing my ulna.
Place is Fort Knockwurst.
How ever did you get in?
They think we're from Toledo.
If anyone asks, you're the...
of all the shriners.
And here I thought you just bell hopped.
I got it.
Why don't you kids go pollinate.
His a pick pocket, too, glory be.
Here's hoping this thing works.
It's so shiny, it looks like bendo.
It's inanium.
The most durable stuff on earth.
Is it? It's everything proof.
Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
The awesome power of formica.
So you're gonna take that bauble
back home now, eh?
Which is where again?
I told you, it's the year 1938.
And I told you--
Why can't you see the truth is as plain as your nose.
Cut the eyewash already, I came on this board
'cause I like laugh and frankly you're a sketch, I'm a simple man
but I didn't fall off the radish wagon, with a simple mission
so how 'bout we skip to the scamper. saving the world
What's your favorite song?
What?
What's your favorite song?
Wanna Wanna Walka Down to Lake Titicaca.
Lift that box.
Wanna wanna walka d...
You wrote this.
I haven't yet, but I will.
When? 80 years ago.
That's a conjuror's trick.
I dated a magician once.
You know what he pulled out of my--
It's not a trick.
Ask me a question, any question.
Hands by your side.
When I was six I had a newt, I named it
and I never told a soul,
'cause well, kids laugh at a kid who names a newt.
What was the newt's name?
Celeste.
What did you name your newt?
How did you know?
I didn't until you just told me.
When I get back to 1938, I'll write that down,
lock it in the vault, all the years will slip by,
and then you'll see it, read it aloud.
And you'll go back, write it down,
the years will slip by, flips over, we start again.
It never ends, does it, Essex?
You and I do this forever.
Doesn't sound so bad, does it?
How is it?
In 1938, I mean.
Say, Prohibition's caput.
Pour one in the hoops, say, say.
Is that how people sound?
Sort of.
There's something written on the back of that card.
What is it?
Your reaction to my kissing you.
What's it say?
I don't know, I haven't kissed you yet.
Jeepers.
Isn't it a nice party?
There's some thing wrong with my herring.
Isn't it a nice party?
I'm sorry sir, that number is not in service.
It just has to be.
Barkeep.
Give it another try, won't you, Mabel?
Certainly.
Barkeep, hey Barkeep.
I am the of the shriners.
Are you there?
Honor to meet you, your...
Sorry to keep you waiting.
Whiskey always helps me wait.
Pour me one on the pebbles, Les.
Well, certainly.
Are you there?
If you're not there, please hang up.
I've been angling to join the lodge over
on the east side, great bunch of goons.
Think you could put in a word.
Word, I can put in a whole sentence.
Say, how did you know my name was Les?
The trap is set, Essex and the girl
are in the room with the mystery safe.
After all these years, you still
have not cracked it...?
It's not my vault.
Banky, I have something to say.
Yes?
When you're this close, it looks
like you have one giant eye.
That's so romantic.
You're about the prettiest cyclops I ever saw.
Oh, Essex, I only have eye for you.
Open up, it's me, Iota.
Who won the 36th-- Shut up.
The Germans are jarring about you.
They sounded mighty hinky.
Does one of 'em have a thin pencil mustache
and a monocle?
No, but the other one does.
Oh here comes a guard.
I'll tackle him after you hit him
over the head with that vase.
Vase.
Again, this broad with the hitting me.
Matzoh?
You were expecting the fuller brush man?
You were taken to jail to by officer...
O'Reilly's with you.
His name Orenstein till they changed it at the Ellis.
What are you doing here?
We heard there was a vault.
How did you hear?
The conductor.
The Saperstein owns every ticket punch on the IRT.
Leave go the sting, you won't need it.
What the?
The Germans will be here any second.
We've got to work together.
Like fun you say.
She knuckle dusted me and glommed my dough.
My dough.
Listen, frail.
Button down, Matzoh.
What'll it take to pay you off forever,
so Banky never need hear from you again?
10,000 bucks and five cents.
Deal. What?
Where's a gill pin like you gonna
get that kind of folding green.
I already did.
Those bills are 80 years old, untraceable.
I thought you said it wasn't money
that's in there.
There wasn't until now.
10,000 exactly.
And five cents.
That enough to lay off Banky?
For this kind of suds, I'd lay off my own mother.
We're quits.
The vault, it's open, how?
We tried everything.
It's everything proof.
Silence, impudent whelps.
Reach for the stars is, I believe, the expression.
That is the expression.
Ah, citrus.
He's got us.
I do indeed, Father Land, or should I say Jack Essex?
Oh yes, I know you.
Taken in 1938 by Ilsa's mother's mother's mother,
perhaps you remember Elke?
The secretary.
She spied for Deutschland
in my father's time.
She's been dead nearly 50 years.
Yes, I saw her this morning.
She overheard your scheme but could not stop it.
When Papa's glorious Third Reich failed
because your mission succeeded,
so I have waited all my life I have waited.
You Americans, with your short attention spans.
By 1980, the isotope was forgotten,
so I bought the building,
and now, thanks to you, the vault is open.
Get to the point, Lamont. Fuhrer.
If I kill you now, you'll never go back in time,
there is no formica bomb,
and Adolf Hitler takes over the world
with me as his heir.
Where Papa failed, I will allow him to succeed.
He called me spoiled and... dilettantish.
Hard for any child to hear, Lamont.
The isotope.
And now, alas, it is Auf Wiedershen
Before you perforate us, you might want to look in there.
I literally have-- All right.
Lamont read this before shooting them.
Again with mine trousers?
Shoot them.
No, don't.
Yeah, all right, Matzoh.
Bitter Herb?
Didn't think I'd show without my muscle, did you?
Looks like you're licked, Lamont.
You big dummy.
The moment you open that door, I shall summon 100 guards.
Afraid we can't have a furor, Fuhrer.
Allow me.
Hitler, this is from the Sapersteins.
What now?
The Krauts won't relish us beaning their brat.
He didn't cut the mustard.
Shut up.
Your getups will get you out if you put
a little goose in your step.
We have to get back to the key stone.
Only 34 minutes to dislocation.
Our cover's been blown,
how do you propose to exit?
Give me a hand.
What do you wait for but never want,
and follow by stopping?
I would certainly like to know.
So would I.
You are unmarried.
I was married for a stent, but it wasn't much fun.
My husband was always under the--
Weather?
Housekeeper.
So, what is it that you do, soldier?
My dear fraulein, I shouldn't say.
The walls have ears.
And feet.
What?
Rustle me up a dainty, would you?
I'm feeling peckish.
What are you kumquats doing?
Grab Iota and meet us outside.
Okay.
Banky.
Banky?
Criminey.
It's time to skedaddle.
You still got your motor car?
Never drive anywhere without it?
How many can she squeeze?
Pshaw, that Jalopy can fit a plethora.
Come on.
Not so fast.
This party is over.
Everyone out, right.
Hands up.
You too old man.
How dare you insult a great man like Lamont Hitler?
A man destined to rule the world?
We have worked too hard, we have planned too long
to see our grand scheme fail.
You fools with your perfect disguises.
You've had your fun today, but now it is time to die.
Old man, how are you?
You know everything I was saying.
Stop.
Don't cross.
Stop it.
This is madness.
87, 25, but, but how?
How have you gotten inside of my head?
Smelling down in the first.
Ding, ding, ding.
How did you, what was that?
He knew every word he'd say as though
you had already?
I have a very good memory.
Nine minutes to make it to the flop.
Come on.
Mystery maulers haymaker Hitler.
Extra, extra.
Can't beat the 24 hour news cycle.
The hair came down, fine.
It actually works.
It looks really nice that way.
Thank you. Yeah.
Watch that stop sign.
Turn left.
Pass that milk truck.
Red light.
Red light, my riddle, that's the answer.
In one minute, I disappear.
Must you really go?
Take this back to 1938
and I have some things to lock away
for a very long time.
It was real, right, not bendo?
It wasn't bendo, Banky.
There's no bendo here or here.
I hate goodbyes.
Leave off the crying, Jack, stupid.
In a way this isn't goodbye.
The whole thing flips over, remember?
All of eternity to play with
and we never get more than a day together.
A handful of perfect hours,
that's all the luckiest ever get out of it,
a handful of perfect hours to save and remember.
How am I supposed to keep it all locked away,
you, me, everything.
That's too much responsibility, pal.
I can't hold it all myself.
Essex, forget the mission, what if you stayed?
Don't you see, if I stay here,
there may not be a here.
You might never be, we'd never meet,
if I don't leave you, I can never have you.
Imagine us together, growing old.
I told you, you might not think much of me
when I'm old.
10 seconds to midnight.
We could have shared a future.
We did.
Remember me as I am.
If you're not there, please disconnect.
If you are there, please disconnect.
If you are there or not there, please disconnect.