CARSANBA STREET
IT'S IN KOCADEDE NEIGHBORHOOD OF KARAGUMRUK SUBDISTRICT OF FATIH DISTRICT,
BETWEEN MUSTEKIMZADE AND VALDE MADRASAH STREETS.
IT INTERSECTS WITH SILISTRE STREET.
WIDE ENOUGH FOR A CAR, PAVED WITH ROUGH STONE,
CURVES LEFT AND RIGHT, HAS TWO-STORY WOODEN AND CONCRETE HOUSES.
DOOR NUMBERS ARE 1-21 AND 2-24.
Allahu akbar.
Allahu akbar…
ISTANBUL ENCYCLOPEDIA
Diego?
Diego.
Diego!
My boy! Diego!
Not you, baby. I'm looking for Diego.
Diego!
-Yes, Mr. Bekir? -Ms. Nesrin, hello.
Can we talk later if it's not urgent, Mr. Bekir?
It's been over three years since you submitted your fingerprints.
You must come now. Also, the interview is very soon.
Oh, was it today?
Yes. I tried to handle it without you,
but since this is a long-term residency, they want to see you.
Okay. Okay, Mr. Bekir. Okay.
SERDAR CALL
Give me your ID.
-Fill out this form and bring it back. -I've lost my ID. Would this do?
Okay. When you're done, wait in that room.
-We'll come for the interview. -Okay.
ASSOCIATION OF TOMORROW'S INTELLECTUALS SCHOLARSHIP
Left thumb.
Left four fingers.
-Left four fingers. -Okay.
Look at the camera.
Take a step back.
No smiling.
Now, do you receive financial help
from any official or non-official organization,
religious association or cult?
No.
If you qualify for this scholarship, what kind of support will it provide you?
-What will you use it for? -I need money for accommodation.
But Ms. Nesrin said
that you're staying together, when she referred you.
Yes, but she's moving abroad, so I need to find another solution.
Well, what is your biggest dream
that you hope to achieve for this country after graduation?
First of all, I will eliminate the rent issue.
I will build houses and dormitories,
to solve the housing problem for students in this country. One by one.
As you know, we don't accept scholarship applications midterm.
But we hold Ms. Nesrin dear. She is highly esteemed by our association.
We will evaluate your situation and get back to you as soon as possible.
-Is there something wrong? -No.
Do you have someone in France?
No.
Do you plan to return to your country within five years of your departure?
No. I want to stay there for the rest of my life.
You mean as long as France lets you.
-Of course. -Good.
What is your reason for going?
It is stated clearly in my application.
Ma'am.
Please answer the questions asked. No more, no less.
-Sure. -Good.
Your reason for going?
-I want to continue my career in France. -Why?
Because I no longer want to live in Türkiye.
Why?
Because I can't live here anymore due to the deteriorating cultural,
social, economic and professional conditions,
especially in the last ten years.
Ma'am, do you have a contract
stating your future employment at the hospital?
Yes.
And passport please.
Thank you.
My mind hasn't changed.
If there are no feelings, it won't matter even if you climb Everest.
The package is what matters, dear.
-The package. -Don't be silly.
-Pelin! -Hello.
-But listen. -Hi.
-This is what I realized. -Welcome.
If there is one thing better than sex,
it's having someone scratch your back whenever you want.
That's the most absurd thing I've heard all week. Thank you.
Shut it.
-Why? What did I say? -Guys. I'm starving.
Can we please order a takeout? Let's order it online.
I'm flat broke, guys. We shouldn't have gone to bowling.
Don't worry, dear. It's not just you, the whole country is broke.
Bowling is a luxury now?
-Here she goes again. -Is this what we've come to?
Let's share a pizza. Maybe we'll find a discount or promotion.
-Give me the phone. -Here.
I'll handle it.
-Can I get one thin crust pizza? -Thick! Why would you get less?
We'll have a thick crust one too. What toppings do you want, sir?
Fried meat.
A fried meat pizza. A bit heavy, but your choice.
Ms. Pelin, your order?
-Buy one, get five. -"Buy one, get five."
She outdid Dodo. So, Ms. Selin, what would you like?
-French fries. -French fries. Such a visionary. Really.
Now, this is a very important order.
The most important one. This order means a lot to us.
-Ms. Zehra, how are you? -Thank you, sir. How are you?
I'm fine too. Thank you very much. What would you like to order?
-A mushroom pizza. -Mushroom?
-Yes. -Great choice.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
So, now that the orders are done, there is one last thing we need to do.
-What? -The pizza dance.
-This nonsense sometimes works. -No, it always works.
Not nonsense, a good luck charm. Now we'll prove it.
It worked the other day.
Discounted pizza
-Pizza! -Discounted pizza
-Sujuk and mushrooms! -Discounted pizza
-Refreshing. -Do it, man.
It's coming.
Goal! It worked!
Idiot! You fool! You scared me!
-Come on, Harun. -Coming, sir.
Okay, guys. Let's start with a warm-up.
Listen to what I say.
You'll go faster every time I clap my hands.
Four.
Fast and big. On a fixed route. Fast and big.
Five.
And then it's gonna be zero at some point. Completely zero. Even your eyes.
Feel yourself floating like the air.
Focus on your breathing.
You are all by yourself.
We begin with Selin's story this week.
Tell us when you're ready, Selin.
I once had the chance to travel abroad with my parents when I was a kid.
Back then, even a public servant family could take a trip with their kids.
It wasn't a luxury.
Then, over my 20 years of life, I witnessed every surge of the dollar.
I remember when it rose from 7 to 13 liras.
I think I was 14.
Why did a 14-year-old have to worry about that?
We went to Hamburg.
On our first morning, we stopped by a coffee shop.
A woman with her kid in front of me
was trying to choose her coffee, calm and happy.
She seemed like she had no worries
or hurry in life.
At first, I admired that calmness.
But as time passed, my admiration was replaced by resentment,
even anger.
In many ways, I didn't find it strange to feel anger towards a white European.
But the strange thing is,
I felt the same anger towards that innocent kid.
I couldn't accept that they were living in prosperity there.
Okay, it's not their fault.
But it wasn't my fault either.
I checked everywhere. I told every shopkeeper.
-Had them put up his photos. -I noticed.
Don't worry. We will definitely find Mr. Diego.
-If anything comes up, call me. -Serdar.
I…
I'm so sorry to come to you like this after everything that's happened.
I felt so helpless.
It's fine. I'm like his father after all.
I… need your help with one more thing.
What is it?
Zehra. We argued.
She left home.
I went to her school, but it's impossible to convince her in front of her friends.
I don't know where she's staying. I'm worried sick.
-She's probably with her friends. -No.
She didn't tell them she wasn't staying with me.
So, she's not with them.
I don't know if you can find where she is, but I couldn't think of anything else.
Give me her number.
I sent it.
You're not taking this the wrong way, are you?
MISSING MY CAT DIEGO IS MISSING
Hi, Zeynep.
How are you?
Perfect.
What's wrong?
I'm helpless and hopeless.
And homeless, with nowhere to go.
Don't lose hope just yet. Keep holding on. What's the matter?
-How could it possibly get worse? -There are countless worse options.
But no matter what,
if people only realized that everything in life is temporary,
the anxiety of both happiness and sadness would lessen a bit, don't you think?
I'm not sure anymore.
It feels like once the anxiety penetrates your soul,
it never leaves.
Everything is beautiful, though. No matter what happens to us.
Then why all this?
Just for us to witness.
I don't want to witness this.
The bakery in our neighborhood makes great ones.
I buy them every kandil.
Thank you.
We're having a kandil gathering tonight with some friends. Why don't you join us?
I can't come.
-Why? Just come-- -I can't.
Okay. It's your call.
Enjoy your class then.
You too.
KARDEŞ BAKERY KANDİL BAGELS
Zeynep?
They were delicious.
-Why don't you come in? -May I?
Sure. Come right in. Welcome.
-Should I take my shoes off here? -Sure, yeah.
-I'll give you some slippers. -Okay. Thanks.
I repented of all my sins and mistakes.
Blasphemy, polytheism, rebellion, sin and fault.
Whatever happened, I repented and felt regret.
Oh, Mighty Allah,
any blasphemy, rebellion or shirk committed
through our hands, tongues, or any part of our body,
whether knowingly or unknowingly,
in the night or day, in secrecy or in plain sight,
we repent and regret for all of them.
I bear witness that there is no god but Allah.
And again I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and messenger.
To die in faith in our last breath.
I bear witness that there is no god but Allah.
And again I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and messenger.
To cross the Sirat Bridge with lightning speed.
I bear witness that there is no god but Allah.
And again I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and messenger.
-Hello. -Hello?
-My name is Nesrin Caner. -Yes?
-May I ask your name? -Fatıma. Who are you looking for?
-Hi, Ms. Fatma. -It's Fatıma.
Sorry?
My name is Fatıma, not Fatma.
I'm so sorry.
Ms. Fatıma. I'm Zehra Demirci's aunt.
I'm looking for her. Can I see her?
There is no Zehra here.
Allahu akbar.
Samee Allahu leeman hameeda.
Allahu akbar.
How did she find here then?
I don't know. But don't worry, she won't come again.
-You want me to talk to her? -No, I'll take care of it.
Don't trouble yourself.
By the way…
My middle name is Zehra.
Zeynep Zehra.
Lot of Z's.
We are Fatima al-Zehra together.
You haven't eaten anything.
I'm not very hungry.
Don't worry. Everything is tasty and clean.
Of course. I didn't mean anything. I'm just not hungry.
You should try the lentil balls. I'm good at lentil balls.
That goes for sarma too.
Yes, it's really delicious. Thank you.
-What do you do for a living? -I'm a doctor.
I guess you are a student?
Yes. We're all students. But I'll graduate soon.
-What is your major? -I study Genetics.
How interesting.
Why?
I meant, "How nice."
We will both be in the healthcare industry.
Yes, we will soon. Inshallah.
I don't want tea. No, thank you.
It upsets my stomach. Theine upsets my stomach.
Sorry to hear that.
Thank you.
Do you all stay here?
Yes. We can barely pay the rent. You know how it is in our country.
When Zehra joins us,
we'll finally be able to split the rent evenly.
Can we have a word?
Why do you keep coming wherever I go?
-What do you think you're doing, Zehra? -What am I doing?
-Is your neck red? -No, it's not.
-Wait, let me see! Let me! -Stop. It's not!
You have urticaria.
Good job. Push yourself a little harder.
Zehra…
You're in Istanbul now.
You can't just go wherever you want.
-What if something had happened to you? -Would you worry?
Is seeking refuge with strangers the answer?
I know her. Fatıma is my friend from school.
A friend who doesn't even know your real name.
At least she didn't judge me for it.
Zehra, please pack your suitcase. Let's go back home.
-It's not my home. -Is this your home?
-I don't have a home. Don't yell. -Zehra, don't do it.
You gave me a deadline. I didn't keep my promise.
Zehra, I only asked you to call your mom.
To let her know.
Please, call your mom, explain the situation and let's drop this.
-That's impossible. -What do you mean?
-I can't do it. -You have to call your mom.
-What do you mean-- -Because Mom already knew!
What?
What do you mean she knew?
Are you an idiot?
Could I come and stay without Mom knowing?
-Is that possible? -You said you lied to me.
-That's when I lied. -Why, Zehra why?
Because I couldn't take your condescending, disgusting remarks
about my mom anymore!
I don't know what happened,
and how you two had a fallout when you were so close, but she's my mom!
And I can't stand the hate and arrogance against her,
both in your words and eyes anymore. Okay?
I knew it would end up like this.
Mom warned me before I came.
So, you were already hateful and biased against me, is that so?
No, I wanted to love you.
Don't you think I can tell that you see my mom when you look at me?
-Why did you hate my mom? -That's between me and your mom.
-How could you ever know? -It's all very clear.
First time you saw me, you admired my modern look.
Thinking, "Look at her, nothing like her mom."
You were proud.
-But then you started judging me. -Zehra.
As soon as I found out you needed a place to stay,
I accepted it right away despite all the chaos in my life.
I didn't know anything about you.
When I found out your mom didn't know, I naturally got worried.
And I pushed you because she had the right to know.
Out of my respect for her, and you. There is nothing more to it.
Please, put aside what you're holding in, and let's get out of here.
And now you're judging because of their hijabs, right?
You'd feel more comfortable leaving here if we served you some wine, wouldn't you?
Unless we poured wine like soda.
Don't be silly, Zehra. Don't be silly.
I'm familiar with this since I was young
from all the condescending looks my mom has received, okay?
-I understand when I see it. -What on earth do you understand?
No, this has never been a problem for me.
What we went through with your mom is a delicate subject.
You wouldn't know or understand it!
And it means a lot to me, so I can't let you use that here!
-Is that so? -Yes, it is!
You're the one judging me based on things that aren't true!
And yes, I find it odd that you're staying with people you don't know.
-I can't let you stay here! -You think I wanted to stay here?
That's what I've been trying to avoid. I came to Istanbul because of this.
I ran away from those dormitories and came to seek refuge with you!
Why would I leave your brilliantly designed house
and come to this crowded, stinking place?
-Am I an idiot? -Yes, you are!
Stop being stubborn and let's go!
You didn't accept me! You judged me! So I have to stay here!
I've done things for you that I would never do for anyone else!
And I continue to do so! And I'm not letting you stay here!
-I'm not going anywhere without you! -You'll sit here till morning then!
Look at me. Look.
I'm sorry.
Come on.
Come on. Please come with me.
My pride wouldn't let me accept the scholarship…
you referred me for.
But my financial situation overruled my honor.
"Carsanba Street."
"It's in Kocadede Neighborhood of Karagumruk subdistrict
of Fatih district,
between Mustekimzade and Valde Madrasah Streets."
"It intersects with Silistre Street."
"Wide enough for a car,
paved with rough stone, curves left and right,
and has two-story wooden and concrete houses."
"Door numbers are 1-21 and 2-24."
Carsanba Street.
Reporting from my personal Carsanba Street.
With an N.
Back then, did they say it with an N, or did N turn into M later on?
The streets of this city are nothing like the architectural drawings.
It's not like walking through monotonous hallways without excitement.
It's more like I'm in a snake's belly.
I'm swallowed up.
I can't take a step, I'm slipping, sliding into a snake's body.
I'm clinging to other eaten up, not yet digested souls.
I'm never alone. Hello, my friend.
Sometimes I think, you and I alone can live in this city.
Sometimes it's not impossible to fit in a suitcase.
It's possible, but uncomfortable, maybe.
Actually, this is all the space I occupy. A suitcase.
I can leave it with the guard in the mornings,
and pick it up after class.
You can be my home. My home and my shell. My shell and my home.
I can be your fleshy, juicy, alive half.
I can stretch my arms to the streets like a tower shell.
A suitcase of my own, a shell.
A room of light in these streets I roam.
I've decided to continue my life as a crustacean, yes.
Mom, I'm a suitcase now.
Subtitle translation by: M. Levent Yılmazoğlu