Morning Odie. Morning Odie.
Here you go, boy.
Ah.
Well, I guess I'll go shower and shave.
Thanks for sharing that with me, Jon.
Yes folks, this is my life.
While it may look vital and stimulating, it really isn't.
That's because Jon's a dork.
He really needs to get a life, and
to help him find one. Why?
Because Jon's my friend, and l'd do.
anything to help my friend, no matter what.
Unless of course, there's something good on TV.
Ah, time for my favorite show,Yukon Stinky.
This week, Yukon Stinky insults a polar bear.
Can't miss that. Eh, Jon's life can wait.
Well, Stinky, I guess this case is closed!
Give em heck, Stinky.
This is WBOR, the all
national anthem, all the time channel.
Next, by popular demand, the Canadian national anthem.
And, if you're not completely satisfied with your
Ajax nose hair tweezers,
we'll refund all your tweezed nose hair.
Take that.
And that.
And that!>> Oh.
And that. If it's not too much trouble!
And if you don't mind!
That should be enough stimulation for one morning.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
141, 142, 143, 144.
Garfield, did you know the bedroom ceiling has 144 tiles?
The living room has 214.
I'm bored.
Why don't you organize your sock drawer?
I'd organize my sock drawer, but I just organized
it last night.>> I'll be the judge of that.
Whoa, I'm impressed.
All nicely tucked and sorted, by color and size.
These are the winter socks.
The summer ones are in the other drawer.
Here we have your natural fiber socks.
Here's your man made fiber socks.
And of course, here you've got your blends.
You know what, Garfield? You need a life.
I need a life >> Yep.
There's more to life, than socks.
There's underwear.>> There's a bigger world out
there beyond the sock drawer, and I'm gonna live it.
Nice touch.
Haven't you got a life yet?
What are you waiting for?
Do I have to do everything around here?
How to make friends, and fool the rest?
Obviously, a book on sincerity.
I forgot, I had this book.
Hey, this chapter on getting dates, is just the ticket.
Great, read it and give me a full report.
The sooner you get happy with your life.
the sooner I can get back to mine.
Humans, never satisfied.
If only they'd learn to be
content with the simple things in life.
Like lasagna, a good nap,
family, dog breath.
It says here, a singles club is just
the ticket, for a happening kind of guy like me. Let's get to work.
Whatever.
Hey there, would you like to dance with me?
Sure, why not.
Yes, yes. Did you hear that, Garfield?
She wants to dance with me.
It's a miracle.
Come my dear, let's cut a rug.
- Hey jerk, disco is dead. - What?
When?
Boy, you learn to dance, then
zango, 14 years, later they change it.
Go figure.
It says here, a laundromatis a great place to meet chicks.
Looks like a great place to take a nap.
Clean chicks. Pardon me, I couldn't
help but notice your frilly little uh, tutu thing there.
Are you a ballerina?
Why, yes I am.
And I couldn't help but notice, your teddy boxer shorts?
Are you a dweeb?
Why, yes he is.
It says, here a video store
is a great place to meet chicks.
Can we get Old Yeller?
I love movies with happy endings.
Interested in checking out a little romance?
Will you be renting that tape, sir?
No, he'll be eating it here.
Pardon me ladies.
I seem to have lost my
Olympic swimming medals around here, somewhere.
I might have lost them over there or over there.
I just can't remember.
Oh well, I think I'll do some push-ups.
Out of my way creep, oops.
Nice going, Jon. Here we are, trying to find you a
life and all you can think about, is eating.
So, as I was saying to myself
when I saw you standing there, this is obviously
a chick er, lady of distinction and exquisite
taste, to be shopping in such an expensive store.
Did I tell you, what lovely eyes you have?
And by the way, I wanna thank you
for listening to me this long, without hitting
me or shoving anything in my mouth.
That means a lot to me, it really does.
Hey, I tell you what.
Let's get out of this place, and
grab a cup of coffee somewhere, okay?
This way, my lady.
Oh, let's give him a hand for trying.
Huh, this may come as a surprise to you
Garfield, but I'm just not very good at getting a date.
No, go on. You're putting me on.
Hello there.
- Don't flatter yourself. - Strike one.
Maybe, I oughta just
forget about meeting anyone, ever.
Maybe, I'll become a nun.
As long as it gets you out of the house.
Hi there.
Take a hike.
No thanks, I just took one.
Strike two. What is it Garfield?
Is it my breath, my looks, my personality?
Why can't I, yo there.
Buzz off.
Buzz. Strike three.
Yes sirree bob.
It times like this, I sits back and feels blue.
Oh no. And when a man feels this
blue, he's just got to get it out.
He's gonna sing.>> A man's just gotta sing.
And I thought that people were jolly.
And now, this word from our sponsor.
Friends, are you lonely, bored, a loser?
Is your idea of a fun Saturday night,
sitting home, watching television with your kitty cat?
Are you so boring, that you could make a cheese yawn?
Are you so out of touch, you think disco is still in?
Have you ever passed time by counting ceiling tiles?
Compared to you, does a slug seem hyperactive?
Well friend. If this is you, cheer up.
There's help for you at the Lorenzo School.
for the Personality Impaired. That's right.
At Lorenzo School for the Personality Impaired, we
can show you how to get a life.
We can take, even the most under
interesting and tiresome bore, and turn him into
someone vital, energetic and self assured.
We'll show you how to make friends.
How to make good music, how to make good
first impressions, how to do impressions, how to have fun.
And at Lorenzo's School for the Personality Impaired,
we've got a proven track record.
I thought I'd never have
a personality, but after only 14 weeks
at Lorenzo's School for the Personailty Impaired,
I now have a great personality.
Six months ago, I was a school crossing guard,
crossing the street was my life.
Now thanks to Lorenzo's School for the
Personality Impaired, I am a bull fighter.
And why am I carrying this stick, you ask?
Why, that's to keep the women away.
I wonder if they could help me.
Remember, friend, at Lorenzo's School
for the Personality Impaired
our motto is, if you can get a pulse you can get a life.
Well, maybe they'll take you anyway.
Hello, hello, welcome to
Lorenzo's School for the Personality Impaired.
May I help you?
Uh, yes, I'm here to get a life.
I mean, I have a life, but it's boring.
Well it's, it's not that it's boring so much as,
I just, I just don't have anything unusually
interesting going on. Uh, not at the present, anyway.
Not that I couldn't of course, you might say
- I'm kinda in-between. - Yes, I
Well, we'll just start you right out
in room 1A, that's how to make
a good first impression.
Down the hall, first door on your right.
Have a nice life.
I'd settle for a nice lunch.
I wonder if this is the place.
104
25
Yeah. This is the place.
How do you do? My name is Lorenzo.
And what is your name? Jon, Jon Arbuckle.
And this is my, are you
uh, the Lorenzo in the commercial?
In person.
Gee, on TV you sounded so, so.
So what? So alive.
Oh ha, that was lip sync you know.
My body, Charleston Heston's voice.
Its a, its theatrical thing, it's done quite often.
I see.
Onward and upward, shall we?
Have a seat Mr. Airbuckle? Good morning class.
Welcome to the Lorenzo School,
for the Personality Impaired lnc.
Remember our motto is, if you can
get a pulse, you can get a life.
So the first thing we're going to
this morning, is check ourselves for a pulse.
If you don't have one, please raise your hand.
Oh my, I see we have several.
Well uh, keep your hands up in the air, while my
able assistant, Priscilla, will come around
and give you a second opinion.
The first step to becoming a vital person,
is to make a good first impression.
Now, how do I do that, you might ask?
Well, I'll tell you how I do that, you might ask?
You do that by walking right up to the person,
looking them right in the eye,
giving them a firm handshake, and
saying, hello, my name is so and so.
Everyone, turn to the person next to
you and give it a try, now.
Hello, my name is so and so.
- Hello, my name is Jon. - Hi, I
Hello, my name is Garfield, you probably
noticed I'm quite short and have excessive body hair.
Was that okay? Was what okay?
My first impression, I really
have no idea what I'm doing.
Oh, good.
Huh? Neither do I.
How was mine? Your what?
My first impression.
Oh, fine! I guess.
- You guess? I knew it! - What?
I have something between my teeth, don't I?
Oh no, no, your teeth are fine!
See?
- See what? - I'm blowing it!
I'm making a lousy first impression.
No, you're not! I guess.
Yeah, what do we know.
The second part of today's lesson,
is learning to dress for success.
Huh, I'm naked.
In all modesty, I must confess,
in some circles I am considered a fashion plate,
if you will.
Let me share a few of my fashion secrets with you, now.
Rule number one, notice how I've
coordinated my pocket protector with my socks.
Well, my left one, at any rate.
When it comes to color, I think say, wear all the same color?
Your ensemble should behave virtual smorgasbord,
for the eyes.
Notice how I've accented
my green tweet slacks with this
plaid jacket and this string tie.
Why do I have this sudden urge, to play golf?
Nothing impresses people more, than
when you speak in a foreign language.
Say for instance, Canadian.
Now, this is an easy language to learn.
You just talk like you normally would,
except occasionally, you throw in an eh.
Example, I'm going to town, eh.
I am going to town, eh.
Great, let's all go to town, eh
Maybe we can have some lunch, eh?
I was so shy in gym class,
I had my sister take my showers for me.
I was so shy, I almost starved to death once,
because I didn't tell my dad I was hungry.
You're not shy.
- Oh yes I am. - No, you're not.
You're like that guy on the beach yesterday.
Uh, what guy? Oh, just some guy.
He was walking around flexing his muscles, and
looking for his Olympic swimming medals.
You don't really have to learn a
language, if you can sound like you speak it.
People are really impressed if you can speak French.
or if you can sound like, you speak French.
Example.
Oh. Very impressive, no?
You know, I've had just
about enough sophistication for one day.
How about you?
Hey you, Monsieur dumb guy, remember me?
What am I, chopped liver? Duck pate?
Foie gras?
Why am I getting so hungry?
That's a funny story.
Oh, it's been a wonderful day, Jon.
Class was great and dinner was fun.
But most of all, I really enjoyed talking to you.
Until I met you, I thought I was the only person
in the world, to get my tongue caught in an elevator door.
And we didn't even have to speak French.
What? Think about it.
We had a wonderful evening without having to
rely on anything, we learned in class today.
You mean, we can be ourselves
and still have a good time?
Mm-hm. It's a theory worth pursuing.
What a concept.
I know, I've been working so hard
to be what I thought other people wanted.
I almost forgot, who I was.
Well, I'm glad I met the you, you.
Huh, I was fresh out of other me's.
Do you know, I've never been able to open up.
to anyone like this before, other than my cat that, is.
Other than my cat, that is.
My cat.
Yesterday, I had a name. Yesterday
buddy, his confidant, today I'm his cat.
I can't believe it.
Jon's actually met someone who likes
him, and it's not even his mother.
What's this world coming to?
Who would have guessed?
Oh no. Poor Jon!
He doesn't know, what he's getting into.
I must stop him, before he multiplies.
Then in my senior year, I was voted
most likely, to sit around the house, a lot.
And then, Garfield, what are you doing?
Let go of her, Jon.
Who knows where that hand has been.
What a sweet cat!
Don't listen to her Jon, she's trying
to get to you, through me
Would you like me to scratch behind your ears?
Oh that's good, she's very smart, Jon.
Once she has me in her clutches she'll perhaps,
just a little bit behind this ear.
Jon listen carefully, it's all a.
Just a little lower, this is all a sinister plot to
get you to oh, yes there ah,
oh, yeah, yeah.
Excuse me.
You okay?
Oh, I'm fine really it's, it's
just that I'm, I'm allergic to cat
Oh. For a minute there, I thought
you said you were allergic to cats.
I am. I. Oh no.
Aw, too bad. What a shame.
She was so cute, and such a good ear scratcher, too.
Well, come along, Jon, say goodbye to your little friend.
It's time to fix dinner. This is terrible!
I, I'm sorry, Jon.
Can't you take shots for your allergy?
They don't do me any good.
What can I do?
You can chuck her on the chin, say it's
been nice knowing you, kid, and send her on her way.
What if I shaved my cat?
Hey, ho, hi, time out! Jon, what's with you?
Oh, Mona, you are so sweet.
We could really have been something, you and me.
There's something to be said, for seniority.
Can we still see each other sometime, Jon?
I'd like that. Good.
Not without a chaperon, you won't.
Jon's more than just a friend to me, he's my meal ticket.
Come on. I'll take you home.
Hang on.
Wait for me. You're not leaving me behind.
There's more than one way to skin a cat.
So to speak.
I saw this on a freeway once.
I'm sorry I'm allergic to your cat, Jon.
I'm sorry for us. I like you Mona.
I like myself, when I'm with you Jon.
What? Mercy
- No. That's Merci Bocu, - Merci Beaucoup.
No, Jon.