Oh yeah, it-it looked like a dog.
I turned around and... I thought it was the size of an elephant.
The teeth on that thing was... enough to make your heart stop.
I kept running and running and...
The good thing is that I wasn't getting tired. I, I thought I could run forever.
Physically.
But mentally I was so exhausted.
All I could think about was, like, I have to
wake up. It's like, I knew I was sleeping.
I knew it was a dream. You know, like, it was in movies.
Probably should've kept the TV.
Don't you want to ask?
No?
I read it somehwere that if you... right down
your bad thoughts you sort of let them go.
I think it's bullshit if you ask me.
This thing... It was your fucking idea, wasn't it?
Not Jeremy's. Yours.
Jeremy tried to help but you just sat there doing your shit.
Nothing.
Nothing is coming out of this.
Silence, whatever I fucking do, silence.
I'm just, I'm just gonna go crazy. Just like the fucking guys on the street.
I'm just gonna go crazy if you don't fucking help.
Fuck you. Okay? Fuck you.
Fucking.
I'm tired, fucking so, I'm so fucking tired, man.
I'm so fucking tired, dude.
I'm so fucking tired. Whatever I do, fucking nothing.
Nothing is fucking helping me, ok? Nothing is fucking helping me.
Should've had gun under my head.
I could've fucking squeezed and blow my fucking brains out.
But instead I have you.
Because I thought, I thought I could handle it.
But I-I was wrong, ok? I was so fucking wrong.
I wish I had gun under me head.
I could've squeezed it and end it all.
Right now, I'be happily rotting in the ground right now.
Turning, turning to nothing but fucking bones.
But instead, I let them use me instead. I, I...
Because... Because I am... that's what I am. I'm nothing.
I'm a big old pile of fucking nothing.
And they used me however they liked.
I'm fucking tired.
I'm really tired, man.
I just, I just...
I just want it to fucking end, ok?
I just want it to fucking end.
Just want it to end.
I just want it to end.
I just want...
I just want it to end.
I'm just tired of it.
I just want it to end.
Elyah, don't go too far.
Get out.
That voice...
The sounds...
I don't know what it was but I felt like I was gonna die any second.
It was so...
Real.
I wonder if... people, homeless people... see and hear things like I do.
It's just...
They seem to be... already gone.
And... there's no coming back.
I wonder if it feels... less painful.
To be on the other side.
I wonder if... they stop feeling pain.
I had a dream.
I was competely naked.
I was digging, digging a hole... in the ground, in the sand.
I was in a desert. It wasn't hot or cold.
I felt like I wasn't breathing. Like I was... dead already.
I looked up and I saw two suns in the sky.
And I looked around and there were other naked men.
Digging. Digging holes. Digging their own graves it seemed.
And... suddenly I heard a shrill.
And everyone around me covered their ears and
started crying and... crawling into their holes.
And began burying themselves with their own hands.
I was confused.
Scared. I was scared.
And then the shrill got louder and I had to cover my own ears.
And the ground started shaking and...
I turned around and I saw it.
The thing was... coming right at me. Fast, so fast.
I turned around to... run but...
It caught up to me, grabbed me by my shoulder and... turned me around.
And I saw its mouth. A gape so large you can fit a human head.
I felt like my soul slipping out of my body.
It was so terrifying.
And...
what it said...
I heard it before.
So many times.
Get out.
I tried to brush it off. Forget about it and I thought I had till yeasterday.
Same voice.
I wonder if it means anything.
Two suns. And still not enough light.
Two suns.
Waking up... I looked around.
Instead of you... sadness around.
Gonna work... to get you back.
Craving love... hatred around.
Push me higher... into the sky.
You call me a liar... when I just wanna fly...
To see your face...
Your face... your face...
Your face...
Nothing makes sense.
It's like... It's like I'm... two people.
Someone takes control at some point and I just can't stop it.
Like devil inside me.
I don't think I saw pyramids.
I only saw the... Why did I draw them?
Hey man. How are you doing?
I... I called but... I guess your phone was off.
They cut off the service.
Aha.
Here uh... I brought you this.
I thought you should have it.
I emailed you the files but... As you said your phone was off.
And I don't think you were... anyway.
My cousin Willy used to have them.
And this was supposed to help him but he never had the courage to... to go there.
I watched him fall apart in a matter of days. It was so brutal.
I... I visit him every now and then but every time I see him he's never the same.
Doctors keep giving him meds but nothing works.
He just keeps staring out the window in his room.
Muttering about the things he saw in there.
I don't think you should go alone. Somebody should be with you, just in case.
Look I... I hope it works.
He who seeks to rid himself from the devil shall stay until the path is no more.
Or else madness and death will be his end.
To go where?
What was he talking about?
You know what? This thing... ritual...
I think it's a huge pile of shit.
But a goddamn witch tried to kill me. Eat me, actually.
And then she just poof... disappeared.
The ritual...
Jeremy means well but I...
I don't think this is...
You know, he's the only friend I got.
Who actually... sees me. The real me.
Maybe, I'm too afraid to find out.
You think I am?
Ah, fuck.
This isn't supposed to be here.
What do you want?
Just as I suspected.
I don't know how you went cuckoo but this is not what drove you crazy.
You must've had some... other issues. You know?
Some preexisting something, something.
Not like mine, obviously.
Fuck me.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. What the fuck? What the fuck was that?
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, this is wrong. Oh, God. This is wrong. What the fuck just happen?
Oh, God. This is wrong. Oh, God.
I don't know if I wanna do it again. I-I felt...
It was so real...
I felt everything. I saw and heard everything.
It was so fucking real.
And there was a moment when I...
It was a kid.
I'm not sure if it was a boy or a girl or just...
Some creature. It was... It was something familiar.
I think it is a game.
A game I'm not willing to play.
Not in a million fucking years.
This is... Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
Ah... Oh, God. What's...
Oh, fuck... Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
Shit.
Holy fuck.
Fuck me.
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that?
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. What the fuck was that?
Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Here we go... Fuck.
Ah, fuck. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Work, you piece of shit.
Okay. Come on. Come on. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Come on. Come on. Come on. Okay.
Oh, fuck. I can't, I can't deal with this. I can't fucking deal with this right now.
I can't deal with this right now. I can't stop.
I can't stop it. Willy, Willy. I fucked up.
I should've listened to you. I should've
fucking listened to you. I fucked up so bad.
It won't stop until I'm free. What free? What the fuck does that even mean?
Oh, fuck. It won't stop. I can't stop it. I can't...
Oh, God.
I can't stop it... I can't stop it.
But I can fucking prepare for it. I can fucking
prepare for it. I can fucking prepare for it.
I can fucking prepare for it.
Oh, shit. Not this again.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Come on.
Where's the rock? Where the fuck is the rock? Where the fuck is the rock? Oh, shit.
Just a little water... Just a little.
Just a little.
There should be fucking water. Where's the fucking water?
Oh, fuck. Is there fucking water?
Do you know how tiring it is? To care? To have to babysit you all of the time?
You, ungrateful little shit. You're never gonna be a man.
You... You are so pathetic. A pathetic little shit.
And weak. You've always been weak. And you'll always be weak. Do you know why?
Because your mommy's always gonna have to be there to wipe away your goddamn tears.
God, you're just so fucking tiring.
What are you doing? Why are you crying? Why
are you... For God's sake why are you crying?
Stop. I never cried like that when I was your age. God, you're so fucking tiring.
You know what? I blame myself for the fact that you're such a fuck up.
I wish you've never been born. Nine months of endless pain and agony. And for what?
I can even bare to look at you. I can't stand you. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?
God, I'm so fucking done with you. I'm so fucking done.
Do me a favor and get the fuck out of my face.
Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Get out. Get out.
Come one. Come on.
I'm ready. I'm ready.
I'm ready. I just...
I just need a little rest, a little rest, just a little.
But I'm ready. I swear I'm ready... I swear I'm ready.
Just a little rest.
Hey. Hey, wait, wait.
Jackie.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, God.
Look, if you do this and this... Eventually, I'll see it here and here.
I think you just lost sex tonight.
And you look much older so just wanted to point that out.
Oh, no doubt. Death is definately knocking at my door.
Ok, something lighter, please.
I'm just trying to be honest.
Right.
Look, my dad said "Son. find someone with a heart because death doesn't care."
"When death comes to you, scream at it, insult it. Shout it away."
"Because it's gonna take you when you're most happy and when you're not."
I told you I didn't wanna come here and you bring me here anyway.
I'm trying to do what's best for you. Because, you never really know what you...
Never. Never?
How can you say that?
Okay. Then tell me one thing. One thing you wanna do right now.
I don't wanna do anything. That's what I wanna do. Nothing.
Okay? I told you I wanna stay...
Doing nothing is... That's not good for you. You heard what the doc said.
I don't fucking care what the doctor says. I don't.
Okay? Because it doesn't fucking matter.
Can you just... I just need to clear my head.
Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no.
We haven't had a sunny day in like five days. It's really pretty.
Look, I want you to move on.
No.
I'm not gonna be around for much longer.
Stop. Please, just stop it. I'm fine, okay?
I don't want you to be alone.
Stop pitying me.
I'm not.
Listen. Just listen to me.
I just want you to be happy.
Listen. Just listen to me.
I love you.
You're the only thing I've ever wanted.
And I didn't know how much I wanted you until I met you.
And now that you're...
Just because you're going to leave me doesn't make me love you less.
I fall in love with you every day. Over and over.
And... And even if I wake up tomorrow and realize that everything was a dream
it won't change how I feel about you.
I want to have memories of us. So I can visit them.
And I know the whole world won't be enough to fill the void that you'll leave behind.
But I will always love you. Always.
Elyah.
Why?
It was a lie. Wasn't it?
You never cared about me.
Just a lie.
You lied. You lied.
You always lie.
You lied to me.
You lied to yourself.
You are a liar.
You remember me.
You remmber hurting me.
And then killing me.
You killed me.
I didn't kill anyone.
Did you ever love me?
Did you?
I can't. I'm sorry. I can't. I can't remem...
You do. You do remember me.
You do. You remember playing with me.
We had so much fun together.
Don't you remember?
Don't you?
I can't remember.
You remember me. You remember me.
You remember me.
You do.
I'm home.
I learned a mean recipe today. Feel like making pasta.
And I promise it'll be less crunchy this time.
Bought some nice sauce. it's called uh...
Ar... Arra... Anyway.
And uh... celery. Wow.
It's a... Let's see what they have here. Taste and...
Mmm... They weren't lying.
This is really good.
Hey Jack! Where did you put the big knife?
Did you put it somewhere else?
I don't see it here.
Jackie?
Jack?
Jackie?
Oh, no. Jackie...
No.
No. Jackie, no.
Please, wake up.
Jackie, please.
Please.
Please, Jackie.
Jackie.
I can't remember her.
Someone I loved. Someone... who loved me back.
Entire life is just... gone.
It's... There's...
There's a void where she's supposed to be I...
I, I looked for her things but I couldn't, I couldn't find anything.
I...
Maybe, I got rid of everything that reminded me of her.
Because...
It was too painful.
My head is just...
I... My head. I don't know what's happening.
I don't know what's happening with my head.
I never told you how it all started.
You don't care but I'll tell you anyway.
It's like...
It's like
It's like someone else is... telling me that...
You're done living in this body and... it's time for someone to take over.
Let someone else live in this body.
It's just quietly whispering "You're done. You're tired. You're tired. You're tired."
It kept telling you.
That your time is over.
Let someone else be you.
Like two people.
"You're tired."
It's...
How?
How the fuck do they what I... what I feel?
How the fuck do they know how feel?
I'm not tired. I'm...
I'm angry.
I'm... I'm not tired I'm just... angry.
Angry that everyone is telling me what I feel.
Who I can be.
I'm ready.
No one knows what I feel. No one knows who I can be.
Not a soul knows who I can be.
I always felt like I wasn't supposed to be here... In this world.
I always felt like I'm... I'm a mistake.
A mistake... that no one sees, no one cares.
And when they see you they're trying to erase you.
Like you never even existed.
How does that feel? Feel like a mistake?
But at the end...
It's like the universe is telling them...
But... But he was born to be.
So let him be.
Let him be.
No, no, no, no, no. Ah, fuck.
Oh, fuck. I can't be here. I can't be here. I can't, I can't, can't. I can't be here.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Okay, okay. What do we do? What do we do?
What do we do when it gets tight? What do we do when it gets tight?
What do we do?
Okay. Now the other hand. Okay.
Now your head.
I don't want to.
It's okay, honey. I'm right here. I'm right here. Okay.
I'm scared.
Okay. It's okay, baby. It's okay.
No, no, no. Take it off. Take it off.
Let me... Okay. Okay. You don't have to if you don't want to.
Okay. I'll tell you what. Why don't you try it on your own?
I'll be right here and if it gets too tight just breathe in and out.
Okay? So together.
In. Out. In. Out.
Okay. Try it again. Try it again.
Elyah.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Come on. Come on.
What do you want?
She wanted something. I could see it in her eyes. She wanted something from me.
They all... all of them want something from me.
As if they... They want me to do something for them.
I can't figure it out because I'm fucking terrified.
What do you want? What do you want?
Hey, Willy?
If I die... Say something for me, will you?
Elyah. Dinner.
I'm tired of pretending that everything is great. It's not.
So, you won't even try to make it better?
No. I won't. Why would I? It's fucking hopeless.
He'll do it again.
What?
He'll come in here.
No, he won't
He did it before. Do you remember?
Did it hurt?
Did it?
Yes.
He's gonna a hurt us again.
No. I won't let him.
But you can't. You can't help us.
I can. I will try. And if you can see me I will...
Elyah.
He's coming.
Come with me.
No more running. No more.
Come and get me.
Get out.
I wish I never had you.
You'll always be weak.
Get out.
Pathetic. A pathetic little shit. And weak. And you've always been weak.
And you'll always be...
Do you know how tiring it is?
To care? To babysit you all the time?
Ungrateful little shit.
You'll never be a man.
You are just so...
Yeah. No. Just so frustrating..
We're waiting to hear back from the doctor.
Yeah. I just...
Weak... You are so weak.
You will always be weak. Do you know why?
I don't know. Yeah.
We'll see. We'll see. But we're hopeful.
For God's sake. Stop your fucking crying.
Never cried when I was your age.
Fucking little shit.
I just can't.
I am so fucking done with you. I am so fucking done.
Do me a favor and get the fuck out of my face.
Get the fuck out.
Get out. Get the fuck out.
I don't know. I'm just trying to adjust. I guess it'll... I guess it'll take time.
They don't know. They don't know how to help him.
But the doctor says he's just lucky to be alive.
Yeah. They just... They keep suggesting the same thing.
Wait. Hold on.
Elyah.
I left my dragon.
My name is Elyah. I'm a horse.
What's your name? My name is Jackie. I'm a dragon.
Will you be my new friend?
Yes, I will. Yay.
Doing nothing is not... It's... That's not good for you. You heard what the doc said.
Even if I wake up tomorrow and realize that everything was a dream it won't change
how I feel about you.
Elyah.
Elyah, wake up. Wake up, baby. Come on, please.
It's an unknown mixed form of psychosis.
He's very logical in his descriptions of his environment.
I can reach him but...
It seems he swapped our world for another.
It's as if he subconsciously knows that he's
trapped but he... He can't get back to us.
There are a number things that could've caused it over time.
And I think the fall somehow... completed the transition. So to speak.
Ususally, physical and sexual abuse are the biggest factors.
What? Why are you looking at me?
I don't want to be insensitive but...
But you were going to. You were gonna imply
that. Just say it, doc. Say it. I wanna hear it.
Anthony.
No. I wanna know if he thinks I'm some kind of predator.
No. You misunderstood. I...
That I would abuse my own child.
Anthony.
Do you really want another accident?
I'm not giving up on him.
And I am.
So, I'm the bad guy here. Is that what you think?
You wouldn't want him to go there.
You think I want to?
If you don't want to then why are you agreeeing to this?
What I really want is for him to be safe. And maybe get better.
He's not getting better.
I did this to him.
If I'd only kept an eye on him nothing would've happened to him.
No, honey. It's not your fault. You didn't. You didn't do anything.
It's okay, Elyah. It's okay.
Nurse...
Elyah, stop. Calm down, Elyah.
It's fine. You'll be okay. I promise. Stop it.
No, Mr. Simmons. You misunderstood me.
I never for a moment thought that either of you were abusers.
I was simply tryting to explain the gravity of the situation.
I'm afraid my advice is to consider psychiatric hospitaliza...
No.
Mommy look.
I don't remember much of the hospital. Just...
A few things here and there.
Where I slept.
A few things I've seen. A tree.
I remember a tree. Outside my window.
A table.
With scartches all over it.
A piece of art, almost.
Colors.
I remember colors.
Don't remember people much.
I guess it'll come to me. Eventually.
I'm not sure if I want to, though.
It's a blessing.
I guess.
I... called the hospital. Found out who visited.
My... my parents... obsviously.
But I uh...
I refused to see them so...
Uncle Howard.
He uh...
I um...
I called him. They gave me his number. We... We talked for hours. And uh...
He told me what happened. And...
After the bankruptcy we had to... move into his house.
And I uh, had a hard time adapting.
And uh...
Lonely woods. No one to play with.
My mom...
She did what she could. Took me to the beach.
My dad, um, he... He tried to get back on his feet but...
Couldn't start over.
And...
Things got worse when...
When I fell.
And...
They...
I was sent to the hospital.
My dad, he...
He d...
He... he died a few years later.
What happened?
Heart attack.
I'm so sorry.
My mom, she...
My... My Uncle told me that she...
She started smoking a lot and...
She had lung cancer.
She...
She died seven months ago.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Did you ever get a chance to visit them?
They were... They were next to each other.
My uncle... My uncle took care of the funeral.
He told me that he looked for me for months, um...
I guess... My mom looked for me too.
And she found me. In a way.
That's tough man.
You know, it's, it's...
it's strange. It's... it's so strange.
I hardly knew them. I hardly knew them. It's so strange.
I...
I wish I knew them better.
I know.
But, hey. You gotta move on, right?
You have to move on. For their sake, you have to move on.
I know this is what they would want you to do.
It's a miracle that you were able to overcome
something that's... that's just impossible.
I'd like to think that they're looking at you right now.
And they're so proud of you. Of what you've done.
Of what you've become.
You gotta show them that you are stronger. And that will get through this.
Your life is just getting started, Elyah. It's just getting started.
And you will do great.
I know it.
You wanna talk about the things that you felt or might've seen while you...
Not really.
Okay.