(gentle upbeat music)
(gentle upbeat music continues)
(gun firing)
(gentle upbeat music)
Right there, bro.
You got it, boss.
Did you bring them shovels, Sloppy Joe?
Joe, shovels.
What?
Did you bring the shovels?
Yes.
They're in the trunk, I think.
You think?
- Oh God. - Oh.
It smells like Blabbermouth Bobbie here
crapped his slacks.
Oh man.
Now grab the body.
What, you want me to pick up the guy all by myself?
Lift him up before I bitch slap ya.
Maybe you should get that body.
(gentle upbeat music)
Oh.
Well just, just to do it, kill me now, kill me now.
(corpse farting)
Oh.
Just a, I gotta take a break.
Hold up guys, I just need to sit for a second.
Come on Joe.
I think I fell, I think I fell in poison Ivy back there.
Ah don't worry about it,
- you'll be okay. - Come on.
I'm all itchy.
This is your workout, Joe.
I'm all itchy.
Right over here.
Come on.
You don't have to go to the gym
this week, Joe, don't worry.
[Vinny] There you go.
Pull up your muscles.
(gentle upbeat music)
Wait for me.
Oh, the mosquitoes over here, killing me.
Oh, this stinks so bad.
Come on.
All right.
This looks like a good spot.
[Sloppy Joe] Oh, thank God.
Come on.
(corpse farting)
- Oh. - Oh.
I feel like I'm gonna puke.
Oh, smells like day-old egg salad, man,
you know, with those plastic bags on it.
(flies buzzing)
No, I hauled his smelly ass here,
now you want me to bury it?
We paint houses.
Gotta do your own landscaping once in a while.
Now dig.
You gotta pay your dues, my friend.
Come on, get digging.
This, this sucks.
Fucking sucks.
Oh God help me.
I'm digging my way to hell.
This is hell.
I'm digging my way to hell.
Vinny, can I be done now?
Hey boss, I'm getting hungry.
Yeah, me too.
Okay, Joey, good enough, outta the hole.
I got blisters on my.
(guns firing)
(people speaking indistinctly)
It sounds like you got company, boss.
(people speaking indistinctly)
Whoa, we got 'em.
What the hell's going on here then?
Easy does it fellas.
Just a little hunting accident.
We're about to lay our dear departed friend to rest.
Well, that's a damn shame.
We is hunters too.
Up from Tennessee, myself.
Them two's from Kentucky.
Born and raised, Carley Creek.
Name's Buck.
This here's my big brother, Chuck.
That there's Da Bear.
I don't give a fuck, Buck.
You're interrupting a funeral here.
That's right y'all.
Show some respect, dang manic.
Respect?
His brother there
is just trying to make proper introductions.
You done cussed him out.
He ain't very respectful, if you ask me.
Da Bear's right.
Y'all have got some apologizing to do.
Boy.
Did you just call me, boy?
I got a really bad feeling about this.
Come to think of it.
You boys don't look much like hunters at all.
Got no rifles, no knives, no camo gear.
Check out city slicker shoes too.
Let me ask y'all a question.
You always bury a good friend in jumbo trash bag.
(gentle music)
I'm calling bullshit.
(gentle music)
Put that gun down you fucking red neck.
Oh.
When you shoot him, I'm gonna blow this boy here's
ball sack clean off.
Wait, wait, wait, I don't even have a ball sack.
I mean, I mean a gun.
I do.
And you got three seconds to drop your weapons, gentlemen.
And I do use that term loosely.
One.
What are you plum stupid?
We got guns too.
It's a Mexican standoff.
Without any Mexicans.
Two.
You bars drop yours first.
Vinny, you really wanna do this?
Three.
(guns firing)
Oh no.
Ooh.
Wait, wait, time out, time out.
Time out?
Are you're kidding me?
No timeouts.
(dramatic music)
What the fuck, Buck.
[Buck] Run.
(gun firing)
God damn it.
Got him.
Should we chase 'em, boss?
Oh, no, no, no, don't leave me now.
Don't leave me.
[Rocco] We can't just let 'em get away.
They're gonna call the cops.
I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
I'm dying, I'm dying.
(gentle music)
[Vinny] We gotta get those motherfuckers,
let them pay for what they did to you.
Do I get a vote?
Fuck the payback, just get me to a hospital.
I can't feel my left nut.
[Rocco] What's the ambulance drivers gonna say
when you see these two stiffs
and this Mr. one nut over here?
[Vinny] Good point.
Sorry pal, you're on your own for now.
Oh wait, wait, wait, wait don't leave.
What if the wolves get me?
Eaten by wolves?
Yeah.
Really Joe?
Look at me, I'm fucking fresh bait here.
I hurt so bad.
Let me tell you something about wolves pal.
When you are a liar like me,
you don't gotta worry about no wolves.
Shh.
Joey.
(gentle music)
It was the humane thing to do, boss.
God rest his soul.
Now let's get those motherfuckers.
(gentle upbeat music)
What are you doing?
Move.
Plum fuck.
Plum my ass.
(gentle upbeat music)
Motherfucker slow down.
I'm gonna rip my suit.
You wanna go back, boss?
I mean, it's almost sundown.
What if Sloppy Joe was right about the wolves?
Are you serious?
Are are you a made guy or a girl scout?
The woods are for animals, boss.
I'm gonna call the boss, relax.
(gentle music)
(cellphone vibrating)
It's ringing.
Speak.
Angelo, it's Vinny, you there?
No, I'm fucking over there.
Did you take care of that thing for me?
Yeah, we took care of that thing.
But we got a new thing.
New thing?
Do I know about this thing?
[Vinny] Actually, two things.
Yeah, swamp things.
You ready for round two baby?
Wearing the new necklace you got me.
Do you like it?
Like is not a strong enough word.
Take off the mask.
Hey tell him Sloppy Joe's dead.
I ordered some Strudels Bakery for you.
I hope you don't mind.
Hold on baby, hold on.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait, whoa, whoa,
did I just hear fucking Rocco say that Sloppy Joe is dead?
[Vinny] Yeah.
You fucking idiot.
I sent you to do a simple errand in the middle of a war here
and you lose one of my crew.
I'm sorry, Angelo.
Just a bunch of hillbilly hunters, that's all.
We already got rid of one and wounded another.
We'll find 'em, kill 'em and be back by dawn.
I promise.
You fucking better.
I got Sonny Green coming after me with every thing he's got.
Listen to me,
yous two take care of those two
and get your asses back to New York A fucking sap,
understood?
[Vinny] Yeah, understood.
Hello, anybody home.
It's Strudel's.
I was trying to tell you,
I ordered cappuccino and cannolis.
For after we, you know.
What ever makes you happy, sweetheart.
Anything you want.
Good afternoon, miss.
I have an order here for a half dozen of sorted cannoli
and a pipe and hot container of espresso.
I'll take that.
- Thank you. - Be careful, very hot.
Or like smoking hot.
Angelo.
Sir.
You want a cannoli to go with your bubbly, baby?
What do you think?
Oh, they look yummy.
So yummy.
What the fuck are you looking at?
It's for a lumbar support, jerk-off.
Let me pay this fucking kid and get rid of him,
we'll have some privacy, all right.
(gentle music)
So hot.
(gentle music)
To you.
My big strong man.
After he's gone,
I'm gonna eat your cannoli
like it's never an eaten.
(gun firing)
What the fuck?
It wasn't me.
Look, no gun.
It was the guy in the grassy knoll.
What are you, fucking Zapruder?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Listen, you know nothing, all right.
You don't know fucking nothing.
Take the espresso and leave the, leave those.
Yeah.
Excuse me, sir.
You don't want me to calling an ambulance or somebody?
I want you to shut the fuck up
and get the fuck out of my face and get the outta here.
You didn't see nothing, you understand?
I understand.
So you actually never paid me,
but sorry about your dead girlfriend and all.
But I mean, I got bills too.
What are you fucking stupid or what?
Where do you get that fucking effrontery?
I'm in mourning over here.
I'll say, that's some expensive bubble.
Yep.
(gentle upbeat music)
(gun firing)
(both moaning)
(gun firing)
(both moaning)
(Angelo speaking indistinctly)
Idiot down.
You like fucking, you want cannoli, is that what you want?
Best fucking cannoli in the fucking building.
Well, look at that huh.
There'll be fucking no cannoli for you.
There's fucking only enough for me.
Right gentlemen, the name of the game is 5-Card Draw
and he's up.
And the bet I believe is to Luigi.
Luigi, before your bet,
I gotta say something to this prick, okay.
Luigi, put your money on there?
I know you got a hard on for Angelo
and you're looking to whack him,
but it ain't gonna work, pal, okay.
'Cause we're not in on this.
We love Angelo, he's with us, okay.
And that ain't gonna happen.
You wanna start a fucking war,
you start it by yourself and you're on your own, that's it.
I concur.
I don't want none of my precious family's blood
spilled over your family.
Thank you, concur.
Angelo ain't never done shit to me.
So you concur?
I concur.
Yes I do.
- I like that. - Know before.
You know, look, I respect what you're saying, okay.
But this is between me and Angelo.
And I swear it won't let any harm
come to any of you guys or your families, never.
My beef is with Angelo.
I got news for you, you better not.
And again, the bet goes to Luigi.
Easy Jimmy.
I'll go 5,000.
Yeah, well that's no good.
Oh fongool, come on.
You gotta go five large before you even get a chance
to take a peek at this hand I got.
That's how you play?
Come on Mario, you a boss or you a pussy, huh?
Again with that.
Well, that's what it is.
You know, maybe if you're short,
you can throw in your tiny little cane there.
Excuse me, I know him very well.
He's got a lot better than you.
This guy don't bet his fucking cane for nothing.
He'd throw his wife in before the cane.
Listen here friend, okay,
he's got a new Cadillac outside,
he might throw that in the game.
He'll bet his big boat, it's bigger than your house, right.
But he ain't betting the fucking cane.
That's like Thor betting his fucking hammer.
That's it, you know,
that Medulla, Missoula, Maggi, Magel, Magellan.
That's what it is.
Oh, Magellan, Magellan, he was a freaking explorer.
(all laughing)
I'm kidding, it's Mjolnir.
Okay, Milner.
Mjolnir.
Milner?
- Yes. - Okay, I got you.
Mill, all right, whatever it is.
How'd you know that?
I know things, all right.
Pretty good.
What you need there, Luigi?
I'm in, gimme two.
I'm good, I don't need anything.
Mr. Nicky?
I'm gonna bet five, see his five.
And raise your 10, no, I'll raise your 20, how's that?
Yeah, fuck it.
I gotta, I got a good feeling.
Good feeling.
(gentle upbeat music)
Fuck.
(upbeat music)
Mama Mia.
Mm.
Finally.
(upbeat music)
Gimme those bullets, Tommy.
Come on.
Hold on baby, it's the boss.
Angelo?
I need you to assemble a cleaning crew fast.
I'm a Ursula place in Queens.
I'm about to get busy.
I get a dead girl over here,
and one of Sonny Green's shit bags, he nearly took me out.
Are you serious?
Get the over here fast.
Hurry up.
(upbeat music)
Hold on.
(upbeat music)
I'm on my way.
(upbeat music)
Tommy.
(upbeat music)
(birds chirping)
(gun firing)
Hot damn, we got him.
Cut him loose or I'll blow your hillbilly heads off,
you hear me?
You got to the count of three.
Hold.
One, two.
Three.
Drop it.
Boy.
(all laughing)
Hey there big city.
You cologne, it smells sweet.
Look at this nice close shave.
This one's kinda tiny, ain't he.
Like a little meatball.
He done killed Da Bear in cold blood.
Fuck Da Bear.
Killed Da Bear, huh?
Is that so?
You're going to pay something fierce
for that goombah, yes siree.
(all laughing)
Let cut 'em down, get him back to camp
and have some bowling balls.
(all laughing)
Come on, come on.
Come on boys.
Come on chunky.
(gentle upbeat music)
[Skeeter] Apologies men, baked beans again.
No, it's all right.
Ain't your fault none of us caught a single critter
since we've been here, Skeeter.
There ain't one, ain't right.
You know, I've been, I've been thinking that these,
these woods is haunted.
Not with any regular spooks or anything,
but maybe some Injuns or Micmacs maybe.
I don't know.
Either way, I just hope we're out camping out
on those sacred burial grounds.
Don't be stupid.
Stupid, ain't no such thing as spooks.
Now, you wanna talk about aliens and such.
Now that's a horse of a different color.
Speaking of horses,
I hope my wife's back home on the farm taking care of ours.
She could be a lazy son of a bitch if I ain't there
to keep her in line.
You actually have a wife.
I bet she's a real pro at slopping the hogs.
Think that's funny, do you?
Just wait till I had me my supper here.
We got special plans for you two.
Just settle down there boy.
We got plenty of time to teach these fellas a lesson or two.
They gonna wish they'd never been born.
(all laughing)
That's right.
Let's just eat our grub and get to dessert after.
Mm dessert.
Oh, how's a guy named Booger survive a pandemic?
Guys eating that booger
like it's freaking a plate of lasagne, oh my God.
(flies buzzing)
Ah.
Shit.
(flies buzzing)
Hold on.
Dang it.
I missed 'em.
Skeeter, get the blow gun, will you?
Do your magic.
(all laughing)
Nice shot there, Skeet.
I forget who's on squatch watch anyway?
Well that'll be me.
But you know, I've been thinking,
reason why we haven't caught no deer or nothing out here
is those damn Bigfeet out there scaring 'em up,
killing them, consuming them.
Are you guys actually hunting Bigfoot?
Ah, Bigfeet, stupid.
There's more than one, it's Bigfeet.
I call 'em squatch.
We see'd 'em all right, more than a one.
You see'd 'em, you really did?
Yeah, that's.
You know what, I'm done.
Let's get scooting now you.
We gonna get in town and get some ammo and supplies, anyone?
Get me some beef jerky, would you Chuck?
I'm plum out.
I'm plum out too.
Jerky, anyone?
I'm all right.
Hey so that's your big secret, ain't it?
Beef jerky.
Is that what you use to catch those Bigfoot,
I mean, to put in the Bigfeet traps.
Come on, you can tell me, man.
I can keep a secret.
I ain't telling you shit.
Come on.
We gotta get to scooting to the town.
All right, you get your coat and the guns, we'll be back.
All right then.
I'll see's you later, man.
[Chuck] Fuck off.
Hey Skunk, I got a gift for you, man.
Here it goes.
(Rocco farting)
What?
What in the hell, you call that a fart?
Show him, Skunk.
You think that's funny and you think that's smelly?
Check this one out.
(all laughing)
Why do you think we call him Skunk, boy?
It ain't just because of the white stuff
in the black beard.
Old Skunk, he can smell like ass
long before we ever grow that thing.
I can taste it.
Oh my God.
And you wonder why you're scared off Bigfeet.
You ever try changing your underwear, your hillbilly?
Don't be wise cracking me wise cracker.
Just 'cause Chuck ain't here, don't mean shit.
Here's a little taste.
- You motherfucker. - God damn.
Hey, hey, Mr. Skunk, listen, listen, listen, listen.
Not to change the subject,
but can you tell me something about that squatch guy,
whatever you call him.
Tell me about him.
Tell me something about that squatch, man.
All right, all right, so about three days ago or so,
me and Skunk got up before the crack of dawn
and checked the squatch traps.
Dumb shit, you're telling it wrong.
Rebel woke us up, hooting, whining, hollering.
Rebel was Da Bear's coonhound.
He disappeared that morning.
Boy, thinks the squatch gone and ate him.
Hey.
Shh.
You guys here that?
Are those wolves?
Are you guys seeing wolves?
What in the fuck is that?
Come on, untie us, I don't wanna get eaten.
We'll use him as bait.
Untie us.
That squatch bait right there for you, boy.
Yeah.
Come on guys.
I think scotch, squatch is around.
I think he's over here, look, turn around.
- What? - Where's our rifles?
Give us our guns.
- Come on man. - Yeah.
Sweet baby Jesus.
(dramatic music)
Hold on, it ain't,
it's just old Buck.
(both laughing)
We got you boys.
You shoulda seen your dang faces.
That ain't funny.
I'm about to shit my pants.
Even you grease balls.
You jumped like little pussies.
(all laughing)
You didn't scare me at all.
I seen your white shirt
popping outta that stupid Halloween costume
you're wearing, asshole.
Yeah, yeah, sure you did.
You was all shaking in your city slicker shoes.
So fuck off.
Yeah fuck you.
- Fuck you. - Let's get the hell out here.
You boys, we'll be back soon.
We're going to town now. - What's wrong with you?
Get that fucking suit off.
We'll get you guns, we're going.
See you soon.
You should wear that in the town,
see if they take kindly to you.
[Skunk] Don't forget the damn beef Jerky.
- I got you. - And put on
some goddamn underwear.
What the hell's wrong with them boys?
[Skunk] Idiots.
(birds chirping)
(dramatic music)
Where the fuck are these clowns going?
(dramatic music)
Asshole, shut the fucking music down.
(birds chirping)
Alphonse, what's this about?
Ask my friend Angelo.
Why don't you ask your brother-in-law, Sonny?
(dramatic music)
Pardon me, now Angelo, can I ask you something?
I know you're the godfather,
but he's not a godfather, right.
I'm not even a made guy yet,
I got no beef in his family feud.
(dramatic music)
Oh fuck, he's got a shotgun.
Angelo, stay back, I'm warning you.
You're warning me?
Fuck, now Angelo.
Pardon me, now Angelo.
With all due respect, my uncle Pauly,
he says you're a reasonable man.
Now don't shoot me.
Watch.
I'm gonna take care of this for you.
Please allow me.
Whatcha doing?
- No, no. - Carry your own fucking bags.
Oh.
- Fuck. - You're gonna have to
do better than that kid.
No, oh.
Oh, no, no, please.
(gun firing)
Nice job, come here.
The kid popped his cherry.
You see this kid, he stepped right up.
Here, take this, put it in the back.
We'll go to the club have a couple of high balls.
There's a fucking kid for you all right?
Hang on tight.
Nice job.
I love the new music you picked out, Angelo.
Sorta adds to the drama.
What is it, anyway?
It's, "Toccata and Fugue in D minor"
by Johann Sebastian, ah, ah, Bach, Bach.
How you doing back there, all right?
(dramatic music)
I'm surprised you good old boys
ain't playing the banjo tonight
with that old dinner music, man.
Yeehaw.
You know, it's funny you should say that.
Just a shame that old junior ain't here.
I tell you, you'd surely oblige him.
He is one hell of a picker, if I do say so my self.
So are you, I noticed.
Yeah, you're a real picker all right.
And what's that supposed to mean, boy.
They is making fun of you Booger.
Past me that goddamn hatchet.
We gonna get this party started right now, aha.
No, no, no, Chuck ain't going to like that Skunk.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Fuck Chuck.
I ain't letting this go a minute further, you hear?
We got some unfinished business about Da Bear
with these boys.
And I'm fixing to do it.
What you going to do is Skunk?
Chop a finger?
A toe or two?
Eye for an eye?
Yeah, yeah.
No, I tell you what,
let's start with that little fucker's picker right there.
(all laughing)
You dare touch one hair on my friend's head.
I swear I'll.
Shut the fuck up, Vinny, we's in charge now, capeesh.
Fuck you.
Fuck you and your overalls.
[Skunk] Bring me the baby bear.
(dramatic music)
Eeny meeny.
You dare touch him.
Miny, moe.
Catch a humba by a toe.
If it hollers, don't let go.
Ah, leave him.
Come here darling bread.
No, don't do it.
Leave him.
Gimme that arm.
Fucking animals.
Don't do it.
Eeny.
(all laughing)
Meeny.
(all laughing)
Fuck.
Miny.
No.
(Rocco screaming)
(upbeat music)
Check out the thighs on that.
Look at this here.
Well, excuse me, Mr. Dirt.
Mr. Dirt?
Mr. Dirt.
What do you want?
No, no liver or gizzards on the menu?
What?
Scoot over.
Excuse me, sweet pea, I got me a coupon here
for 2.99 liver or gizzard meal
plus a free side of cornbread.
How many you want?
All right.
Three gizzards and a liver.
I'm sorry, but this is our competitor's coupons.
See, we're Country Fried Poultry.
We don't serve lizard or.
Lizard?
I'm sorry, what was the other thing again?
Gizzards, liver and gizzards.
What's wrong with you?
Right.
I am sorry sir, but I don't even know what a gizzard is.
And plus this coupon is from what, 2003?
Gimme that thing.
They're always good.
You need help Patty?
Who's this guy?
(both laughing)
Where are we?
Sorry sirs, but we have a mandatory mask policy, so.
So what?
I guess you didn't notice the sign on the door
or the two on the window
or the one behind me
or the two right here on the counter.
We're unable to serve you without one.
Well if that ain't the biggest pile of horse pucks
I ever done smelt.
Please sir, I don't wanna have to call
the assistant manager.
(both laughing)
Oh, assistant.
Oh.
The assistant manager.
Don't bring him.
(both laughing)
You know what, fine,
we'll get us some dang masks okay, boy.
Come on.
The assistant manager.
(both laughing)
[Chuck] Let's get outta here.
Look, honey, remember, every time a bell rings.
A chicken loses its wings.
(chicken clucking)
(wolves howling)
Hear that?
Them wolves is closer.
Probably smells this grease bally blood.
(wolves howling)
It ain't as much fun if it ain't awake and screaming.
Please no more.
Can you see he's passed out.
Don't take his other hand, I'm begging you, please.
That makes one for each of us
and one for Da Bear for good measure.
Hey, what do you say would give his boyfriend here,
the finger, get it.
(all laughing)
Can you believe those guys?
What was that whole thing about the gizzards anyway?
Like what even is that?
I think those are intestines.
Sounds a lot like roadkill to me.
Sounds like something they would eat.
(door bell ringing)
Oh.
[Jesus] Oh Jesus.
How's this boy?
(buck laughing)
You gonna service our food now
or is this gonna get real ugly?
Oh, well that was fun just,
but I am plum chucking out.
Aren't you gonna stick around for some fun
with this other boy?
Well, he sure is handsome
but I got a feeling once they got done playing with you,
he ain't gonna be so pretty no more.
Nighty night.
Yep, sleep tighty tight and hot damn,
don't let the bed bugs bite.
- Swear to God there was some. - You'd think
Chuck and Buck would be back by now.
You don't reckon they got in some trouble, do you?
Wait, you mean like an angry squatch
or anything like that, do you?
Huh?
Jesus, please call Jorge.
Jorge.
Jorge, sounds like where you take a barn hooker
for a good humping, you get it, whore hay.
(both laughing)
I like the whore hay.
How can I help?
Whoa, whoa, gentlemen, gentlemen,
this is not an open carry establishment.
It's a state law.
And those masks, those are not acceptable, I'm sorry.
Oh, no, no, it's okay there, Jorge.
You see we them good guys you hear about
with guns, comprende, okay.
So you just get us our stuff, our chicken.
They don't have no gizzards,
but we'll take some cornbread too and we'll be on our way.
We don't make no trouble.
Gizzards.
This is our world famous cornbread, on the house.
Just please go.
I ain't going nowhere, Jorge.
It's okay, Patty, I just dialed 911,
deputies are on their way.
What a pussy.
You called 911, hey?
You know what?
It's you who better be worried.
I hope you got your green card with you.
Yeah.
Oh listen, listen there.
I hear the sirens already.
Hey.
Better run boy.
Hey.
(wolves howling)
Excuse me, Mr. Booger, is it?
[Booger] Yeah.
What the hell do you want?
I gotta go to the bathroom here.
Are you stupid?
We're out in the middle of the woods.
You see any bathrooms around here?
Well, I gotta take one, okay.
Shit your pants then.
I rather not smell like you asshole.
How's about I cut off that big Italian nose of yours
and then you'll never smell nothing again.
Like that awful breath of yours, for instance?
Might be worth it.
All right, guess I'll take him.
I gotta take a squirt anyway.
I was thinking just in case we want to get intimate
with our little friend tonight here.
I don't want to get any poop on my pecker.
(both laughing)
All get up grease ball.
- Good point. - Keep walking.
Hurry back.
Dang, this is going to make a great addition to my bedroom.
(upbeat music)
I never seen cornbread like this.
(police sirens blaring)
Guns out, look alike fellas.
- Here they are. - Back up you two.
- They're right there. - Looks like more
Bigfoot hunters.
Guns down and hands up gentlemen now.
Why?
I got a permit to carry, so I'm safe.
Not here you don't, drop it.
Second Amendment.
Are you deaf or just plain stupid?
Guns down, hands up, do it now.
- What the hell? - Slowly
hand over your weapons.
- Here you go. - He groping me.
He groping me.
Hey, I saw it.
I know I saw it.
"You have the right to remain silent.
"Anything you say or do will be used against you"
"in a court of law."
I ain't gotta be silent.
First Amendment rights.
Right Chuck, ain't got the free speech one?
- Pretty sure. - Yeah.
"You have the right to an attorney.
"If you cannot afford an attorney,"
"one will be appointed for you."
[Buck] We ain't doing anything wrong.
That one spit on the floor twice.
Beat it Jesus.
Is that so.
Somebody get the mask for this fool.
He's definitely a spitter,
probably a biter too.
- What you doing? - Hey man.
This is ridiculous.
Unconstitutional.
All right, been done, he kicked me.
Tasers all set to step.
No, wait timeout.
No wait.
(both screaming)
Can I get some cornbread over here.
(both screaming)
[Chuck] I surrender.
Oh wee, something sure is spooky one that.
It's like feeding time at the zoo.
You hear that grease ball.
Mr. Booger, you're gonna have to untie me,
unless you wanna pull down my pants and wipe my ass.
All right, but don't you try anything funny grease ball.
You got a gun.
Ain't that crazy.
All right, turn your ass around, nice and slow.
I know how you city boys are, you think you're so slick?
All right, go ahead.
I'm watching you.
What the fuck?
Probably one of your dumb friends
with that stupid costume.
Skeeter, Buck.
I swear to God, one of you son of a bitches
comes out of there that goddamn costume,
I'm gonna blast your ass.
(Vinny laughing)
(dramatic music)
(twigs cracking)
(dramatic music)
Oh shit.
It's the real Bigfoot.
(gun firing)
(dramatic music)
Oh, no.
No, no.
No.
(dramatic music)
Guess what?
The guy come at me.
I hit him with a fucking power shot
to the fucking throat, out.
Hold on.
Speak.
Angelo, we got a problem.
They got Rocco, tortured him.
You gotta send me some guys, please.
Jesus Christ, didn't you hear what I said earlier?
We're about to go to the mattresses over here
and you're asking me for extra guys.
We don't need any more guys.
Right.
Three's company, four's a crowd, baby.
Oh shit.
I'm begging you, Angelo.
I'm out here in the boonies
with some furry fucking freak brothers
who may or may not berate me if they capture me again.
All right, all right, all right, hold on.
Is this a bong?
Look where'd you get that?
It came with the boat.
Listen, hold on, go downstairs.
Listen, you two go down, right?
Go ahead, go downstairs.
Me and Roxanne could steer boat for extra.
Yeah, drive it under the fucking dock, I don't care.
I'll be right down.
I mean, I ran with some animals in my days.
These cocksuckers, they actually scare me.
Yeah, right, yeah, yeah.
Okay, listen, Tommy.
Hey Tommy, I'll send extra guys all right.
But you owe me okay.
Listen ladies, one more phone call all right,
I'll be right there.
I'll come into the fucking ring.
Feel free to loosen up.
(gentle upbeat music)
That didn't work, I don't know what will boss.
What can we do to make this motherfucker, Curly Green
give up Sonny's whereabouts?
Hold on a minute, I got an idea.
Hey, boss could Spackle his asshole.
You want to talk now, you motherfucker?
I told you jerk offs I ain't no fucking rat bastard.
(cellphone vibrating)
He don't seem to be talking.
Why don't we take a real rat,
stick it down his trousers for a while
and let it have a little fun.
Ah, you can't get
in my fucking trousers, you motherfucker.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, shut the up, it's the boss.
I can't hear him over here.
Angelo.
Ah.
Listen, my man Tom, you there?
What do you mean?
I got the green ones or the clear ones?
Go with the clear.
- Ah. - That way we can
watch this motherfucker.
Fuck you.
Listen.
It's always more fun when they turn their pretty colors.
I want you to get a couple of guys
and go to that place in Maine where we did that.
Shut him the fuck up, I said it's the fucking boss.
Fuck.
I need you to assemble a couple guys
and go to that fucking place in Maine where we did the.
I wouldn't do that if I was you.
That's the Zeke.
Where we did the landscaping and such okay.
Vinny and Rocco will need help with a couple of things.
You know what I'm saying?
Pack heavy.
Consider it done, Angelo.
Didn't fucking work did it?
(all screaming)
Listen to me, I want it done fucking post haste,
you got it.
And with extreme fucking prejudice.
With extreme fucking pleasure.
Hey Tommy.
Looks like he won't be squawking down
any of your phone calls anymore.
What the fuck Carmine?
What?
I told you to shut him up.
Not fucking kill him.
I told you so, Carmine, you never listen.
He never listens.
Shut the fuck up Coonio.
You want me to put this bag over your ugly face?
Keep talking.
Which kind you need Carmine,
the clear ones or the green ones?
Oh, shut the fuck up all of yous.
I gotta clear my head.
I gotta get out of town.
Francesco.
Yeah Tommy.
I need you to call Gino, call Pretty Boy Roy
and Big Peter.
Tell 'em to bring the big guns.
[Francesco] You got it, Tommy.
Yeah.
(gentle upbeat music)
Here I come.
(gentle upbeat music)
Here I come.
The fucking champ is here.
The champ is here.
Ladies, the champ is here.
Let's go.
Something bit me.
Now, what the fuck?
(both screaming)
(snake hissing)
(both screaming)
Oh my freaking God.
Jesus Christ, I'm scared shit of snakes.
Do something.
What the you want me to do?
(both screaming)
Enough is enough.
There'll be no motherfucking snakes
on this motherfucking boat.
Jesus Christ, it's fucking quarantine time again.
Angelo, what do you know, what do you say,
what do you need?
Alphonse, you bald-headed, bow-legged
fucking sfogliatelle with legs.
I need a favor, pal.
Name him, pal.
What are we talking here, money, whores, protection?
You wanna go for another round of golf or what?
No, no, listen to me all right.
I got that prick, Sonny Green up my ass 24/7 lately.
He not only put a fucking contract out on me,
he keeps clipping my sheep every time I got a flock one.
You know what I'm talking about?
Forget about it.
So what, so you need more sheep?
That's no problem.
But what are we talking here?
You want white sheep, black sheep.
You want some of that freaky contortionist Asian sheep.
Forget that.
Look, the first thing's first,
I want that fucking chooch, Sonny, clipped, all right.
I want him whacked for good.
But who are we talking about here, Sonny what, Sonny Red?
Are you fucking high man.
Sonny Red is dead.
Where you been?
Okay so then we're talking about Sonny Black then.
He's doing fucking life in the slammer.
Green, Sonny fucking Green.
Green, gotcha.
Any relation to Mo.
Mo?
You know the guy that got his eyeball blown out in Vegas
by our old friend?
No, no relation to Mo or Curly or Sham
or fucking Larry or the other fucking guy
in a fat ball.
He's not related to any of them assholes.
But not an Irishman?
Right.
No, no, no.
He's, he's not Irish.
How the fuck is it?
How the fuck you never heard of Sonny Green?
He whacked Jimmy The Freak.
Remember Jimmy The Freak?
He had six toes, but not on both feet.
Just on his right foot.
Remember he whacked him.
And now he sits as one of the heads of the five families.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
So I never met the guy.
There's a lot of Sonny's to keep track of on your list.
So we're clear then right.
I want you to send a fucking dozen
of dead flowers to Sonny Green.
And I wanted to send some of your finest roses over to me.
'Cause tomorrow happens to be my birthday,
in case you forgot, you cheap prick.
I will have a dear friend of mine send them personally.
My gift to you, Angelo.
But what are we talking here,
white roses, black roses, mixed bouquet, what?
Why don't you make it a nice mixed bouquet, okay?
Okay.
Fat fuck.
Frigging fives
I'm busted, I'm done.
Where's Cheech, get my coat.
The way it goes.
That's the way it goes, fellas.
What do, what do you mean Cheech get your coat?
Better go back to the schoolyard.
What are you pussy whipped?
You're the boss in New York.
All of a sudden you're running home like a little kid.
What's the matter, your wife is gonna yell at you
if you ain't home before midnight?
What the hell is wrong with you?
You got some set of balls
- talking to me like that. - Yeah right?
Yeah, 'cause you look at you,
you got that big fat stack over there.
You're happy, like a pig in shit.
I won.
Me the last four hours, I lost over a hundred grand.
Next thing I know, you're gonna be asking me
to take my lucky cane and throw it there.
That's all right, you'll rob somebody.
You're a freaking snake, you know that,
I love you, but you're a little snake.
Speaking of snakes,
I just got word that my attempt to rid this planet
of a certain scumbag failed.
However, I have another plan.
Yeah, you ain't got no fucking plan,
you know your plan's full of shit.
You're like that lunatic from a James Bond movie,
that, what do you call that guy again?
I always forget his name.
Oh the villain.
Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil, that's who?
That's who you remind me of, Dr. Evil.
I won't tell you what you remind me of.
You heard when you knocked off Mikey Fish.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know what you're using.
- He deserved it, remember? - Yeah.
Black Widow spiders, that wasn't good enough.
Now you gotta get bigger.
Now you're branching out into poison and snakes.
Where do you come up with these fucking things?
I got an idea for you, pal, you know what you do.
Get two sharks, throw 'em in his pool.
Kill his whole family at one time.
This way you're done for three years, you nut.
Yeah, I got those snakes too.
You know, it was like something out of a late night,
"Batman" episode or something on TV that you'd watch, right.
It was ridiculous, Sonny.
Didn't reflect well on any of us here.
You made us look bad.
Yeah, you're all jealous?
Yeah, well, we all recognize Sonny's got a,
what do you call it, flare for the dramatic.
- Absolutely. - Still.
Mario's, right?
This sudden aggression against Angelo
should have been cleared with the other families.
Oh yeah, yeah, well fuck you, Luigi.
He dumped my kid brother into a drainage ditch
over in Queens.
I don't know, Luigi's right?
- Fuck him. - Luigi is right.
You know this.
You shoulda asked permission.
You think I'm here just to play cards, huh?
Fuck him.
(Chuck moaning)
[Policeman] Get off him.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
[Policeman] Move your ass.
Easy there, I'm fragile.
What the hell is this?
I know.
You've gotta dip me first.
Jesus ain't paying attention.
[Policeman] Shut up.
Shut up.
[Chuck] Take my middle finger now.
You like that middle finger.
[Policeman] Shut up.
All right.
Smile.
- I ain't smiling. - Smile.
All right.
I'm gonna take these glasses off,
if you spit on me spit on me, I'll spit right back.
[Policeman] Stay right there.
This is ridiculous.
Yeah, it's freaking redonculous.
It's bullshit.
Bullshit.
What do you think about our separating these two
and putting them each in solitary Deputy Doug?
You know something, I got even better idea.
What you got?
Give them their phone call
and we'll walk 'em on down
to tonight's evening accommodations,
you know cell block number 12.
Cell block number 12.
Cell block 12.
Weren't that in a horror movie?
I'm a scared Chuck.
[Policeman] Make your phone call.
Where's the dang thing?
Here.
Where's the rotary on?
Just dial the buttons, will you.
Get my cuffs, will you.
Shut up.
Don't tell me to shut up.
Thank you.
Ow.
Peepaw is that you?
[Peepaw] Who else you reckon it'd be moron?
So you catch any squatch yet?
Tell the old Bear's dead, tell him.
Shut up.
[Peepaw] What in tarnation?
Bear's dead, how?
I ain't got time to go into that Peepaw.
Listen up, I need you to come on up here and bail us out.
And bring your guns.
[Peepaw] Guns?
We always bring our guns.
You want me Junior and your girls
to head on up tomorrow then?
I want you to head up now.
They done tased me only 'cause I couldn't give up
my goddamn rifle.
From my core hands.
Ain't that what you always shout Peepaw?
Hey, settle down, will you.
Got 30 seconds left, make it quick.
30.
That's cheap, 30 seconds.
Peepaw, put mama on the phone, I wanna talk to mama.
We don't have the time.
- I wanna talk to mama. - 15 seconds.
That wasn't no 15 seconds.
Yeah, it was.
- 11, 10, nine. - What time?
- Eight, seven. - Stop counting.
- Six, five. - I call a time.
- Four, three, two, one. - Wait, Peepaw,
bring the whole clan, bring them now.
Clan hey?
I'm talking about family like homie.
Homies, huh?
Okay, homies, your cell awaits.
[Buck] 12, 12.
Don't be afraid.
[Buck] I don't like 12.
You know what?
I ain't afraid.
I don't like it.
Cell block 12 awaits.
Oh my Lordie Chuck, we is walking the green mile.
(dramatic music)
Sleep tight, homies.
Boy, he smell just like my mama's cornbread.
Mama?
69.
(both laughing)
I bet you wish it was 68, you can owe him one, huh?
Mama.
(Buck crying)
[Mario] Fuck him five days 'til Sunday.
Yeah, just gimme one right here.
- Good one too, good one. - Good one, Jimmy, better be.
(cellphone vibrating)
Lu, we're in the middle of the cars game.
Angelo.
Just Angelo.
How goes to battle with Mr. Green, my friend?
Talking to my buddy.
Do you know that sucker
even wired the toilet at my house with dynamite?
Yeah, I heard that.
In my home, Luigi, where my wife sweeps
and my children come to play with their toys, in my home.
Fucking jerk off.
I almost died taking a fucking shit.
You believe that?
I had to arrange a safe house to drop a deuce.
What are you gonna do?
Everybody knows there's a fucking target on my back.
No, seriously, I'm asking.
What are you gonna do?
I'm laying low 'til half my crew gets back from Maine,
that's what I'm doing.
Well, you know my stance, Angelo,
I can't take sides.
As much as I hate that prick, Sonny.
Where you at anyway?
We should have lunch sometime, my treat.
Listen, listen, no disrespect Luigi.
I may not look like Copernicus or whatever,
but I wasn't born yesterday all right.
I'll take a rain check on that lunch
until that miserable prick Sonny Green
takes his permanent dirt nap.
Until then, I'm the invisible man.
Hasta fucking luego.
Ciao.
(upbeat music)
I tried Sonny.
He ain't fucking stupid.
(upbeat music)
(laughing)
Whoa, whoa, slow down, that's it up ahead.
Yep, that's Vinny's car.
Hard to miss with that big ass fucking trunk of his.
You know how many bodies I seen come out of that trunk?
I actually helped a few out right here in this very spot.
Fucking changed though.
Yeah, I remember this place.
I used to meet Vinny here a few years back.
After I whacked to Scion
and his cheating wife in the castle rock.
Of course she was cheating,
with me, but that's another story.
Unnatural, she knew you were an animal.
(all laughing)
God damn foreigners.
Used to be nice and peaceful around here.
Aside from that Bigfoot nonsense.
And if he is real,
I hope he eats every last goddamn one of yous.
Hmm, that old man's got a lot of balls.
Maybe we should follow him
and teach that old geezer a lesson.
Whoa, whoa easy.
We ain't got time for that.
I think you guy said it, it really is a tourist spot.
Check out the monster over there.
You seen the show they filmed like in the '70s or something
with that big Bigfoot beast walking?
Yeah.
And turns around, it looks right at the camera.
I don't know, that thing looked pretty fucking real to me,
I don't know.
The weirdest thing though,
who ever made the big foot costume,
that did the makeup back then,
added these huge pair of titties to this thing.
I mean, no joke, to go through all this kind of trouble.
Sounds like some '80s porn, if you ask me.
Hold on, hold on, so you're saying
that this Bigfoot has to be a male.
Like there's no way he could be some sort of badass female.
Because remember pretty boy,
where there are no women, there are no babies.
Very true.
So that means if Bigfoot really exists,
there's gotta be a male and a female species,
so they procreate.
Wow, wow.
You know something?
I never even thought of that.
Lemme ask you something.
Why would the makeup guy do all that extra shit?
You know, the Bigfoot boobs.
Wouldn't that cost more?
No, right.
And what kind of makeup guy does a bang up job like that,
and then says, "Hold on, hold on",
"you know what will make this perfect,"
"let me add two big old pair of hairy Bigfoot titties"
"on this fucking thing."
Enough about fucking Bigfoot.
And enough about Bigfoot titties.
We came here to find Vinny,
and that's what the we're going to do.
Let's go.
I like Bigfoot titties.
Vinny.
Rocco.
Fucking woods.
Rocco.
[Tommy] Vinny.
Come on guys, this way.
Vinny.
- Rocco. - Rocco.
Keep your eyes on this side.
- They could be over there. - Vinny.
Fucking woods.
Get the fuck outta here.
Vinny.
Gino, Tommy over here.
[Santina] Vinny, there he is, Vinny.
[Tommy] Vin, what the fuck?
We've been looking for you all night.
Thank God.
I never thought I'd be so happy to see ugly mugs.
But you Santina, look as gorgeous as ever doll.
I wish I could say the same about you, no offense.
None taken.
After what I've been through last night.
Angelo told me.
Where the fuck is Rocco?
Those crazy rednecks still got him.
They had him by the campfire last night
and they cut off his fucking fingers.
They wanted to come back
and fuck me up my ass as a nightcap.
Do you fucking believe that?
What the fuck Vinny?
I hope you fought them off.
No, I bought them a bouquet
and bent over like your mother used to.
Are you kidding me, Gino?
So what are you thinking then,
is Rocco still alive or what?
If he ain't those motherfucking, cock sucking hillbillies
are gonna die the most painful deaths.
(Vinny moaning)
[Tommy] Motherfucker.
[Gino] Tommy, they shot him Tommy, they shot him.
Come on Tommy, we gotta get the fuck outta here.
Yoo-hoo.
Hey goombahs.
There, let's get him.
[Tommy] Let's go, we gotta kill these fucks.
- Hold me, hold me. - It's okay.
- Hold me.
It's okay.
Over here, come and get me, woo-hoo.
It's all right, come on.
Big boys don't cry.
Come on, big boys don't cry, you're all right.
(dramatic music)
Look, let's get down to business here, okay.
Separate the lions from the lambs, huh.
- 200,000. - A fanabla.
200, a fangul, you kidding me?
You're always pushing the fucking envelope.
You don't know when to stop, huh?
What, we don't have a limit on this game,
right, do we?
No limit was set, just a hundred dollar anti.
Let tell you something,
if this prick is betting 200 large,
you could bet he's got four aces,
so watch what you're doing.
So then fold pussycat.
By the way, your mother called,
said you better get home early
because it's gonna be past your bedtime.
Hey scumbag, you just went too far.
My mother?
[Sonny] Yeah.
My mother didn't call,
your fucking mother called, she's waiting for me in bed.
I'm gonna get her right here you cock sucker.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Look at me.
You fucking prick.
Take it easy.
Don't put your fucking hand on me.
- Relax. - All right, enough,
enough, come on, this is, guys.
Okay let's go back
- in your corner. - We're not children here.
Cut the shit already.
Would you please?
I'm gonna teach this guy what he's doing.
- It's okay, you know. - Oh, enough.
We know exactly what's going on here.
Sonny, you don't think we can
really throw down with you, do you?
So this is what I'm gonna do,
I say fuck it.
I still got another 65K with me.
And my lucky cane here is collateral, all right.
And you know I'm good for it.
What?
You think you the only fucking king in New York?
Mario, are you serious?
I ain't never seen you without your lucky cane, since we,
since you took that bullet when we was teenagers.
Luigi's, right.
Let's fold, let's get outta here.
I had enough of this fucking shit.
I'm fed up with this guy.
No, no, no, Nicky,
I'm in, I'm in balls deep.
So what do you got there, Sonny boy?
Show me, let me see.
Show you?
Oh no, why should I show you, huh?
I'll see your lucky cane and I'll raise your a hundred.
Okay, now how deep do you want to go, pal?
Christ sakes, Sonny, don't do this.
Mario, I'm telling you now,
pick up your cane and let's start walking
before somebody gets fucking hurt around here.
You hear me?
So a hundred G's to you there, Mario.
Now you wanna run with the lions
or do you wanna walk out here,
or should I say limp outta here
with Mary and her little lambs?
Mary and her little lambs?
Yeah.
Fuck you, Sonny.
Cheech.
Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey guys, guys, guys, please, gentlemen.
All right calm down,
- calm down. - Gentlemen.
- All right. - Right, right.
[Sonny] Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, please.
I came here tonight to deal cards
not to die over some beef that don't even concern me now.
I ain't going out like Spider.
You all know me and known me for years.
I'm honest, I'm impartial, I don't say nothing.
Otherwise, you know, you guys would've whacked me
and buried me years ago.
You don't think I know how Timmy Kneecap's got his nickname?
I know, I went to school with Timmy.
I ran track with Timmy.
Hey Timmy, Timmy, how you doing nowadays?
How you think I'm fucking doing?
Go roller blade over your sister's house.
She eats my meat and calls me Meals on Wheels.
All right.
Thank you Timmy.
- Now roll you ass on out. - Fuck you.
The point is, when it comes to taking fucking sides,
I'm Switzerland.
The only family I pledge allegiance to is my own,
my wife and kids.
And I have to get home tonight to see them.
Now that being said, I never carry a gun.
I'm not a conciliary or a killer.
And I sincerely hope that you guys can figure this out
without any further unnecessary bloodshed.
But I can't do this.
I'm done.
(dramatic music)
Fuck it, Jimmy's right.
I owe you guys an apology.
I owe you an apology.
Jimmy, sit down.
Come on, sit down, sit down.
(dramatic music)
I think the booze got the best of my tongue.
I was only busting balls and having fun, you guys.
Fun?
You don't see me laughing, do you?
I don't buy it.
Me neither.
It's a little too late, my buddy, you fucked up.
Yeah, I fucked up.
Look, here's what I got, a fucking suicide king.
Any one of you fucking guys could have beaten me,
all night long.
Mario's the only guy that had balls
to stay in there with me.
He's a fucking warrior,
He is a fucking,
he's a fucking lion.
Look, here's to Mario.
Salute, Mario.
Get the fuck outta here.
I only ask that you guys turn the other way
when the hammer comes down on this fucking jerk off, Angelo.
'Cause the gonna hit the fan
and I don't want any of you to get splattered.
Mario, it's all yours, pal.
[Mario] Nice gesture on your part, Sonny.
Well, you can sit down, you drama queen, go ahead.
Yeah and fuck you too.
All right.
Oh my God.
Motherfucker's he's still alive.
Tommy, he's still alive.
We got you Rocco.
He's still alive, oh my God.
We got you buddy.
Motherfuckers.
Untie me, untie me.
[Skeeter] Duck, duck, Italian goose.
(gun firing)
- Oh shit. - What the fuck?
Gimme me a fucking hint.
Any idea where that shot came from?
It came from that way.
(gentle upbeat music)
Fucking rope.
Ah, don't worry, bro, we're gonna get you outta here.
Come on.
Hang in there buddy.
We're gonna get you outta here.
We got you.
They took my fucking fingers.
They took my fucking fingers, Tommy.
(Skeeter laughing)
My fucking gun hand.
How am I supposed to whack somebody.
(gun cocking)
Come on buddy, we got you.
I can't whack it.
Stop fucking talking, look at my hands.
We gotta get outta here.
How am I gonna whack somebody.
We gotta her outta here.
(Skeeter laughing)
Ooh boy.
(gun firing)
Holy shit, they shot him, Tommy.
(Skeeter laughing)
(gun firing)
There he is.
That's the son of a bitch hit me.
That cock sucker's mine.
(gun firing)
Oh.
Oh Skunk, they got me.
I didn't even get a chance to be intimate
with that little fella.
Skunk, help me, brother, please.
Shh, get the fuck away, get.
I done even the last Booger.
Skoot, you're like a hobo on a ham sandwich.
That city fella sure smelt pretty too.
You dumb son of a bitch, you're gonna get me killed too.
You got that right fuck face.
You missed.
(gun firing)
Good like Marinara sauce.
(gun firing)
Done killed my boys, did you?
You are going to pay something fierce for that goombah.
Mm-hmm say goombah.
Fuck, ow.
God dang it.
[Santina] Over here, boys.
Yeah.
It's time for some revenge.
You see what they done to Rocco?
Fucking sick fucks.
Let's not forget about Vinny either.
God rest his soul.
(gentle upbeat music)
Gino, grab his fucking weapon.
Hurry, get his arm.
Wait, wait, I have venison lasagne,
I will give y'all a piece.
[Gino] Fuck your venison lasagne.
Pretty Boy, you know, what to do.
Grab his leg.
Yeah, you right.
Santina, you okay with this?
My daddy don't raise no pussy.
Yeah, it's Angelo's birthday too.
Let's make a fucking wish.
One, two.
Happy birthday Angelo.
Three.
(Skeeter screaming)
Take it easy.
There's plenty of me to go around, all right.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[All] Happy birthday.
(upbeat music)
(all cheering)
- I don't believe it. - Happy birthday.
[Angelo] Stella, Giovanni, what the fuck are you doing?
Surprise.
[Angelo] What a surprise.
Come on back here, I insist, this is where the party is.
Oh Giovanni will go back there.
I'm gonna keep driving.
I'm having enough trouble staying faithful to my new hubby.
You have a new hubby?
Yeah.
You didn't seem married last night?
No, well, you know.
You tell us these things.
You know if I went back there with those ladies
and you two handsome gentlemen, I would be starting an orgy.
Oh, Angelo.
[Angelo] That sounds good to me.
Giovanni, get over here.
All right, I'm coming.
I'm not coming.
I'm gonna keep driving.
I'm gonna keep you safe from that Sonny Green
and his roaming assassins.
[Angelo] Yeah, look out for that rat bastard okay.
(all laughing)
[Angelo] Get in here you.
I don't believe it.
Happy birthday, you fossil, you look amazing.
You look amazing, you look young.
It's the fucking zinc and the magnesium.
You gotta try it.
It works Angie, it works.
I've been looking into that, I'm thinking about it.
You look, you look, you don't look a day over 80.
(all laughing)
And look, look, look what Alphonse got for you.
Custom made, especially for your, but from Alphonse.
He did that for me?
Yes.
What a beautiful gesture.
He loves you, man.
- That's unreal. - Do me a favor,
cut it up, give him a nice big fat piece, okay.
Hey, wait a second.
No, no, no, hold on, hold a second.
Now listen, I'm on a diet, can't you tell I dropped 20.
Yeah you look great.
But what are you, Hyman Roth?
You gotta eat a piece of cake for good luck
on your birthday.
It's a a thing.
Small piece.
Just to wet my beak.
A slither, a slither.
Cut him a small one.
This good?
All right, here, here's a little happy birthday cake.
Eat it up.
He can have his cake and eat us too.
Oh.
I didn't know it was your birthday.
I'm gonna give you extra special dance, sweetie.
Yeah, don't you worry.
- No extra charge. - Oh, baby.
On me. = What are you doing?
On you.
Sherry, Sherry, that's wonderful.
But how's he supposed to eat his birthday cake
if you knock it down.
Hey, hey, hey, Sherry, Sherry.
Okay, take it easy.
That was beautiful.
Listen, listen.
It's good luck, you got eat your cake.
I give you each an extra a hundred dollars,
if you just show me a little bit
of that hidden flesh, come on.
No, no, no, no, no, no, not that, not that.
I'm talking about the fucking masks.
Lose them.
I wanna see, I wanna see teeth, I wanna see tongue, smiles.
You first, go ahead.
No, no, no, nice and slow.
Oh yeah.
Oh, that's beautiful.
That's what I'm talking about.
You should have been a dentist.
Okay, your turn, honey.
Oh my God, that is so unbelievable.
That's fucking beautiful.
Your turn, go ahead.
Mama Mia, this is what I'm saying.
Gio, you looking at this.
I don't mean to interrupt but please have your cake.
Come on G man, you're fucking with my flow, bro.
Don't let me fuck your flow.
- No, man. - I'm sorry.
Yeah, you, your turn go ahead.
What the fuck?
Jesus.
You got exactly breath.
What's exactly breath?
Your breath smells exactly like your ass.
Woo, put the fucking mask on,
I give an extra 200.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Hold on, hold on.
(cellphone vibrating)
[Tommy] Angelo.
Tommy, Tommy, what's up?
Hold on a second, listen,
you take care of that thing for me.
[Tommy] We lost Vinny and Rocco.
What?
Vinny and Rocco too.
What the fuck?
What the fuck are you telling me here?
[Tommy] Do you want us to bring them back
or just bury our tracks here?
Listen, listen,
you bury our tracks, okay.
But you leave that fucking vermin on the road
for the vultures.
You get your fucking ass back here.
I got Sonny Green up my fucking ass.
Hold on, where you going, where you going?
I gotta talk to them.
We're just getting on the way though.
It's all right, I'll be back, I'll be back,
I'm just going.
Listen, hurry up.
- Yeah, sure. - Tommy, hold on.
What, what?
Get me some condoms, the Black Stallions extra large.
I'll get you ones with the metal spikes.
Yeah, those are good, if they have 'em, right.
Good, good, good.
Listen, come on G, it's your birthday, eat up, eat up.
Come on G, I love you, all right.
Eat your God damn cake, all right.
Fucking asshole.
I need you fucking back here pronto, all right?
Hey, Giovanni, where you going man?
It's getting good in here, come on.
Fuck you, Angelo.
I should've shot you in the goddamn face.
What?
What are you a fucking jerk?
You know something?
I'll tell you the truth.
I never even liked you.
Nobody likes you.
You know what?
Well I hate everybody.
You can lick my hemorrhoids.
[Angelo] What an asshole you are.
Yeah lick 'em.
You suck.
You're should've eaten the cake
and died with the rest of them.
Now Sonny's gonna kill us too, you prick.
(gun firing)
What the fuck?
- Fuck you, Angelo. - Hey.
Hey Stella.
(gentle upbeat music)
What?
What you doing?
What the fuck?
Have some water.
Drink some fucking water, what are you doing?
What are you talking about?
I don't know that Heimlich Maneuver.
What are you doing?
What, what?
Fucker fucking did it again.
That fucking jerk.
Hey, where'd you go you cock sucker?
(car engines revving)
Fucking asshole.
Angelo.
Angelo, you there?
What the fuck?
Everything all right, Tommy?
I don't know, bro.
I think I heard a lot of crying.
Yeah.
You know what?
Let's get the outta here.
Start this thing and let's go.
Jump in, jump in, let's get the fuck outta here,
we gotta hit the road.
(guns firing)
- What the fuck? - What the fuck?
[Gino] Looks like these mangy jerk-offs
are looking for revenge.
[Santina] Come on, let's get the fuck out.
(guns firing)
(upbeat music)
(guns firing)
Hey.
(guns firing)
Come back here you. - There's Chucky's moments.
Come on.
Make the proud.
- Yeah, baby. - Shoot 'em in the ass crack.
- Come on. - Ow.
Right in the ass crack.
(Buck laughing)
[Chuck] Come on Big Beef.
It can move by sons of bitches.
Yeehaw.
(upbeat music)
[Chuck] Yeehaw, get 'em girls.
Whoo.
- Let's go ladies. - Whoo.
(Chuck laughing)
(upbeat music)
Oh Big Beef, ain't this exciting?
You ready boy?
Yeaho.
Come on Beef, sick these sons of bitches.
Any sign a Booger and Skunk?
Not yet.
Skeeter neither.
[Big Beef] Yeehaw.
Big Beef's got their scent all right.
Look at him.
(all laughing)
Just a matter of time, boys.
Hey.
They is dead beat.
(all laughing)
(gentle upbeat music)
- Oh. - Shh.
Shit.
(gentle upbeat music)
Your father.
Boss, what the fuck happened?
Hold on, hold on.
Ma,
Dad,
anybody home?
I'm at my parents' house in Garden City.
Listen to me okay,
that motherfucker Alphonse set me up, yeah.
And he poisoned four of his best escorts too.
He had to see some of 'em, they were fucking bad.
I didn't fall for the bait, I'm too fucking smart.
But let me tell you something, all right,
he is a fucking dead man.
Giovanni dead.
Stella dead.
And that motherless, Sonny Green,
I want him fucking dead.
You on your way back or what?
Angelo, I wish I could say I was.
We ran into some trouble.
They sent reinforcements.
But Angelo, you're not gonna like this one.
Santina's here.
What the fuck, are you kidding me?
- Gimme the phone. - Ang.
Gimme the phone.
Hi daddy.
So I'm okay, I swear.
But I may need you to call in that professional,
which you used to tell me about.
Shit's getting serious.
Listen, Santina, you know how it works, okay.
Now I'm gonna have to call my friend in Jersey,
he's gonna want a big ass favor from me, okay.
You know what?
Nevermind.
I'm a big girl, Tommy, and I'll take care of it ourselves.
(gun firing)
Don't worry.
Ah shit.
Oh fuck.
(Chuck howling)
Ah.
Santina.
Tommy.
Angelo.
Tommy, what happened?
Santina got shot.
We gotta go.
Tommy, who, who shot, Tommy?
Tommy, they shot my baby?
(cellphone ringing)
It's Angelo.
This better be good, Cheech?
Yeah, what?
Hey Mario, Angelo, I need a favor.
Not now, Angelo, bad timing.
We're over here mourning a loss of a dear friend.
Another time, all right.
All apologies, Mario.
I'm sorry.
Look, my daughter has been shot.
She's probably even dying.
Look, I need a phone number, please.
Wait, wait, you, you, you telling me
that Sonny Green had Santina shot?
Oh, no, no, no, no, not exactly.
Well, what does not exactly mean?
I mean, it wasn't none of my guys, none of my crew.
I'm standing here with Cheech right now.
You know how we work.
No, no, no, we never chase after family's family.
You know that?
At least not the women.
Of course not, I know that.
And no pets neither, right Cheech?
- That's right. - Yeah.
Any man who could kill a dog or a cat,
or even a gerbil for that matter, I don't care,
as long as it's a pet, he's no man,
he could never be a real man.
Mario look, my daughter's been shot.
She's in tough shape, you listening to me?
I need the phone number of our friend in Jersey.
That old friend in Jersey that you're referring to,
he got two in the back of the head last I heard.
What makes you think he's still alive?
Do you think that he really sat there
while some in a member's only jacket
scoped him out of the counter.
- Angelo, please. - So you're insulting.
We got no time
for conspiracy theories here. - I'm asking you as a friend,
if I can have the fucking phone number, Mario.
All right, all right, all right,
I'm gonna text it to you right now, all right.
But you didn't get it from me, you hear me?
No, Jesus, Mario, I get it.
No, no, not the text.
I mean, I understand.
I didn't get the fucking text yet, you send it.
Angelo, please be patient.
Gimme a fricking minute here.
I don't know how to use these phones.
Mario, hold on, hold on a minute.
Ma.
Dad.
Ma.
What are you doing?
I thought you're in Boca with dad.
You're taking a snooze?
Sonny Green says hello.
What the fuck?
You ugly cross-dressing douche bag.
Ugly cross-dressing, douche bag.
See you later fucking grand mama.
(gun firing)
Ma?
I'm fucking Angelo, Angelo, motherfucker.
Call me?
Motherfucker?
Who are you calling motherfucker, you motherfucker?
You believe this guy's calling me a motherfucker?
Where is this coming from, Angelo?
What are you, what are you on?
Are you drinking again?
No, no, no, not you, Mario.
One of Sonny's fucking shit bags
was hiding up my mother's basement.
He had the wig on.
He looked like De Niro from, "Cape Fear."
He scared the shit outta me.
Ah, I get it now.
That sounds like Sonny's style,
going all Norman Bates on your ass.
Geez, that guy's really becoming unhinged.
Are you fucking shitting me?
Of course, he's fucking unhinged.
(cellphone vibrating)
Hey, hey, hey, Mario.
The text came through.
Thank you, thank you, I fucking owe you, man.
You're fucking right you owe me one.
And I never forget a favor,
especially if I'm the one doing it.
Listen, go ahead, go do what you gotta do.
Cheech and I are gonna say you prayer for Santina?
God bless you my friend.
(cellphone ringing)
Who's this?
It's me, Angelo.
I need a favor.
Look, I don't do favors for nobody no more.
Especially those I don't fucking trust, which is nobody.
How'd you get my number anyway?
A friend of ours.
He said that, you know a guy, French guy.
Now, technically, I don't know
if he could be a friend of ours,
you know, being French and all but.
Would you get to the fucking point?
I need to hire him.
It's important.
I don't know.
I will pay you 50 large, 50.
You got like, like PayPal or some kind of fucking way,
I can pay you with an app or some shit.
Yeah, I got a pal for you to pay,
he's gonna come knocking at your door.
Just to be clear, which guy are we talking here?
Because that French guy is rumored to be as dead as I am.
You gimme the fucking number and I wire you 50 large.
You hear me?
5-0.
Okay deal.
Come on, Santina, I got you, stay low.
(gun firing)
Oh.
- Ah fuck. - Okay.
Okay.
Okay, let me help you.
Fuck.
All right.
Save yourself, get the fuck outta here.
I'll fight these fuckers.
Yeah no, that's not gonna happen.
Come on, let's go.
(both moaning)
Come on, sit over here on the rock.
Oh God, Gino.
You all right?
I don't know, man.
I don't want to die here in the woods, man.
I said this is a long way from Bensonhurst.
I don't want to go back to the neighborhood.
It's a long fucking way.
I just say we take our last stand right here.
And we pick 'em off as they come.
Last stand?
Who the hell are you, General Custer?
[Gino] Oh, fuck you.
Hey fellas.
(upbeat music)
My name's Bunny Lou.
You boys wanna come play with me?
(upbeat music)
I'm Honey Doo.
Hey, do you boys like melons?
Marone a mi, I bet those taste sweet and ripe
like Georgia peaches.
[Big Peter] Holy scud missiles.
Come on, focus fellas.
We're here to kill these bitches, not drill 'em.
Say hey.
Whoa.
Wild guys, y'all like a little taste of some pumpkin pie.
You can call me Sunny Sue and I'll call you a bullseye.
(gun firing)
(upbeat music)
You hot freaky bitch.
(gun firing)
I got him first.
Did not, I did.
I don't wanna die here in the woods.
Yeah, well, ain't no doubt about that one.
I win.
(upbeat music)
(Tommy moaning)
[Big Beef] Woo-hoo
What the?
Ooh wee, Big Beef's got 'em now.
Look insane.
Oh fuck.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy.
Ah.
Easy big fella
Whoa, whoa, you don't wanna.
Go get 'em Beef, take care of your machete.
Skin 'em alive, boy.
Big, whatever the fuck they call you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Beef, come on, hey, over here.
Oh shit.
Come and get me, come on.
Yee.
(gun firing)
That stupid Mafia Princess done killed the Beef.
This is the product of incest.
(telephone ringing)
(gentle upbeat music)
(telephone ringing)
I can hear you breathing.
We're out of milk, I'm gonna go to the market to get some.
Make sure you wear your mask, it's dangerous out there.
I will.
Who gave you this number?
A certain friend in Jersey
said that maybe you can take care of a few problems
that I'm having.
Not my problem tough guy, do it yourself.
All right, listen, listen.
Why do I get the feeling you're still living
in your mommy's basement?
Am I right, pussycat?
Bye-bye.
(gentle upbeat music)
What the fuck?
(insects chirping)
They whacked the Beef.
Oh my Lord.
Say it ain't so, Beef.
Pull yourself together, boy, they getting away.
Keep shooting.
(gun firing)
Oh.
(gun firing)
Oh God.
Come on baby, we're almost there.
Yeah.
I can see the car.
- Come on. - Okay.
- Oh fuck, fuck. - Come on.
(Tommy screaming)
Where the hell they go?
Looks like they done fell into our squatch trap.
I know.
I done seen it.
(all laughing)
Well let's go get 'em.
Get emotion boy, get 'em.
(Tommy screaming)
Oh shit.
(gentle music)
Oh.
(cellphone vibrating)
Boss.
You put my daughter on.
Angelo.
I can't do that.
You put my daughter on the phone, Tommy, now.
Angelo, I think she's gone.
[Angelo] Jesus fucking Christ.
I tried, Angelo.
Jesus Christ, Tommy.
What the fuck?
Angelo, listen,
it's my death wish.
(all laughing)
Name It.
Just name it.
Avenge us.
These fucking hillbillies.
(gentle upbeat music)
Fuck you.
(all laughing)
(gentle upbeat music)
Fuck you.
Who's this?
What the fuck, do I look like a clown?
I wire you 50 large and that French guy tells me
he's too afraid to leave the house and do a fucking job,
he's retired as a hit man.
Who the fuck retires as a hit man?
I thought you said he was the ultimate professional.
He is, or was at least.
Guy's like a fucking French Brian Mills, you know,
with a very particular set of skills, so to speak.
How was I supposed to know the guy
was gonna turn into a big pussy?
Listen, I know another guy,
Italian, real animal.
So you're gonna gimme his number?
Yeah, sure.
But it's gonna cost you another 50 large?
Are you outta your fucking mind?
All right, all right, I'll do you a favor,
25K, but don't come breaking my balls
if he turns you down too.
No deal.
For 25 here's what I want you to do, all right,
I want you to call him fucking personally, all right.
So I'm Duck Dynasty douche bags up in fucking Maine,
they killed my baby girl
and they took out half my fucking crew.
I want these motherfuckers dead, dead, dead, morta.
(motorcycle engine revving)
(dramatic music)
(motorcycle engine revving)
(dramatic music)
(motorcycle engine revving)
[Chuck] Good moonshine this time Peepaw, cheers.
[Peepaw] Oh my God, huh.
You know what would go good.
I wish we had some dang marshmallows
to go with this good moonshine, you.
The hell with you.
Some nice old fireside camp songs.
- Hold on, I got one. - Yeah.
- Whoa, whoa. - Yeah.
♪ Jimmy, crack corn and don't care ♪
♪ Jimmy, crack corn and I don't care ♪
♪ My master's gone away ♪
(all cheering)
(dramatic music)
(motorcycle engine revving)
(dramatic music)
(motorcycle engine revving)
Well, nobody remembers, "Oh, Susanna"
like I remember, "Oh, Susanna."
(all laughing)
♪ Oh, Susanna ♪
♪ Don't you cry for me ♪
♪ For I come from Alabama ♪
♪ With my banjo on my knee ♪
(all laughing)
(dramatic music)
(motorcycle engine revving)
(dramatic music)
(motorcycle engine revving)
I think we gotta rev it up here a little bit.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Come on.
(all laughing)
(all cheering)
I forgot the song.
Oh damn.
(dramatic music)
(motorcycle engine revving)
♪ Get out of the way ♪
♪ Old Dan Tucker ♪
♪ You're too late staying for supper ♪
♪ Supper is over, breakfast cooking ♪
♪ Old Dan Tucker was standing there looking ♪
(all cheering)
(motorcycle engine revving)
What is that?
Hold on, I said what's?
Hey?
(motorcycle engine revving)
[Peepaw] What the hell is that?
(gun firing)
- What's that. - What the?
What the hell is that?
I don't know.
Looks like God almighty, it's a sign of God.
(upbeat music)
(motorcycle engine revving)
(gun firing)
(upbeat music)
(gun firing)
(upbeat music)
(gun firing)
(upbeat music)
(gun firing)
(upbeat music)
(gun firing)
(upbeat music)
(gun firing)
(upbeat music)
(gun firing)
(motorcycle engine revving)
(upbeat music)
(motorcycle engine revving)
Hey Angelo.
It's finished.
[Angelo] You sure you got 'em all?
It's a fucking piece of cake.
These bill hilly people over here,
they're all gone, all of them.
Even the fongoolas over there.
[Angelo] Beautiful.
But please don't mention cake.
So one last job.
How about we meet for some nice gabagool and discuss it.
I be there.
Gabagool, I'm there.
(creature growling)
(dramatic music)
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
(dramatic music)
(creature growling)
Can't keep my eyes off of you.
Here's to us honey.
To us, Sonny.
(both laughing)
I need to go in and get a refill.
You want anything?
No, no, I'm good.
I'm good.
Okay.
What do you want for dinner?
Chicken parm or fish?
Fish.
Ooh, good call.
♪ Maria ♪
Oh, the good life.
(sings in foreign language)
(Karen screaming)
(sings in foreign language)
Wait.
I'm being bitten.
Ow.
(gentle music)
No.
(gentle music)
(Karen screaming)
Sonny.
(Karen screaming)
(gentle music)
That fucking Angelo.
[Karen] Sonny, no.
(audience cheering)
(upbeat music)
(sings in foreign language)
(gentle upbeat music)