- Let's get this over with.
Hi, I'm Twinkie Harris, spaceman icon,
master of sarcasm and anime extraordinaire.
These are my parents.
They're separated but trying to get back together, maybe.
I don't really know.
And this is Egghead, he's cool, but also smart.
Like straight A's
on every test since elementary school smart.
we became best friends in the fourth grade
when he moved into the house, across the street from me.
I saw him Naruto running in his front yard one morning,
then the rest is history.
We like a lot of the same things.
Slushies, anime, soft pretzels, , riding our bikes.
The list goes on.
And Egghead is a really good friend.
Yeah, such a great friend.
I'm gonna miss him when he goes to Stanford in the fall.
He's studying engineering, while I'm working on my art,
figuring out what my next step is gonna be.
I wanna be an animator someday.
Egghead made me promise that I'll put him in a show
when I have my big break,
but for now, it's just the two of us.
Egghead and Twinkie, bestest of friends.
Who never, ever fight and are totally getting along.
- Sorry for the wait. Can I get y'all something to drink?
- Yes. Can I please have a-
- Yes, I will have a lemonade,
and a diet Coke and a chocolate milkshake,
as well as baked mac and cheese, a classic cheeseburger.
And what's your favorite dessert here?
- Carrot cake's pretty good.
- I'll have one of those too.
- And for you, hun?
- Can I have a coffee?
- She will have a small black coffee.
- That'll be right out.
- Are you done being petty now?
- Me petty?
You left me in the middle of nowhere stranded.
- What do you want me to say?
- I want you to be honest.
I need to know the whole story.
Okay? From beginning to end, everything.
- I don't even know where to start.
- Start here. Who the heck is BD?
- Shit.
Come on.
Where's my hat? Where's my hat?
Coming, I'm coming. Stop.
Coming.
- Oh good. You're up. Matthew's outside.
- Mom, nobody calls him that.
- Wait, your dad called.
He's coming over for brunch tomorrow,
so you need to make sure that you're home.
- Okay, fine. Gotta go.
- Say hi to your boyfriend for me.
- Oh my God.
Shit.
- Come on. - I'm coming, I'm coming.
You didn't have to honk the horn that loud.
- Well, I didn't think you would wait.
- The whole could hear us.
- We are so fired.
- Yeah well, you know,
maybe that wouldn't be the worst thing.
What the?
How are you gonna make money?
Put your seatbelt on.
- My seatbelt is on, mom.
- Okay, great. I'm just making sure.
Wait, your mom thinks I'm your boyfriend?
- My mom thinks yogurt is vegan and vaccines cause autism,
of course she thinks you're my boyfriend.
- Oh.
- It's like 'cause you're a dude
and you drive me everywhere,
that automatically makes you my boyfriend or something.
- I'm pretty sure that makes me your chauffeur.
- Yeah, well, lucky for you,
I'm getting my license next month, so.
- You've been saying that literally all year.
What are you gonna do when I leave?
I drive you to school, I drive you to work.
You would even have a summer job without me, actually.
- Yeah, what a tragedy that would be.
- Do you know how many kids applied to work at Rick's?
We lucked out big time.
- Hey, yo Chinese girl, Jake thinks you're hot.
- Yo, shut up, man.
- I'm gonna punch those guys in the throat.
- Well, that's not very sunny of you.
- Ah ha ha. I hate this costume.
Why do I always have to be Cuthbert?
- Because you're a better dancer than me.
- I do have some pretty sick moves.
Woo. - Just so you know,
I'm calling you sick tomorrow.
- What? - Dad's coming over
for brunch.
- Your dad's back in town?
- Yeah, apparently lost like 20 pounds since he
and my mom separated.
- Really?
Dude, imagine how much weight he would lose
if they got a divorce.
Huh? Incoming.
Ho ho ho, hi, ya kids.
Hope you have a sunny day.
Oh my God.
Is any of this relevant?
- If I don't tell you what happened exactly as it happened,
then you'll start asking questions
about why everything happened the way that it happened.
- But at this rate, I'm never gonna know.
What's happening?
- Dude, you just dropped me off like 10 minutes ago.
- I know that we still have
to finish our "Naruto" marathon and all.
But my mom gave me an AMC gift card.
Apparently she cleaned up at Bunco last night.
- Hmm. Typical Kathy.
- Yeah.
I was wondering if maybe you wanted
to go see a movie with me later.
- Sure. What movie?
- I don't know, some random romcom that my mom picked up,
that I have not seen, obviously.
- Yeah, yeah. What time?
- Well, the movie starts at 7:00,
but I could pick you up at 6:15
so we have enough time to pee before the trailers?
Sound good?
Twink?
- Uh. Yeah, sure. Sounds good.
I'll see you then.
- Okay.
What? Don't be late.
Yes.
- Hey. - Hi.
Are you ready?
I brought a Slushie?
- Ooh. Thanks. Gimme like two seconds.
- Well, lucky for you, we don't have to stop for snacks.
What? Why? Check it.
- What? That's awesome.
- Right? We have Twizzlers, M&Ms, gummy bears,
gummy worms, Cheetos, popcorn,
baby wipes.
- Baby wipes?
- Well, yeah for the Cheeto Dust.
- Duh. - Ay, duh.
Sponsor,
which is a very popular perfume
If you want 10% off your first bottle-
- Hey. How was the movie?
- It was fine.
- How's Matthew doing? Is he excited to go to Stanford?
- Yeah, I think so.
I mean, it's Stanford so.
- I know you're gonna miss him.
Oh, long distance isn't easy but...
I see the way that boy looks at you.
- Obsessed with this brand, and-
- You two are gonna be just fine.
- Holy shit.
- Twinkie, your dad's here.
- Lisa, the quiche looks great.
- This is lucky number six.
- Oh, what happened to the other five?
- Ugh, quiche again.
- It's brunch.
- Mom, everybody knows that brunch
is just breakfast for hipsters.
- So, Vivian,
heard you went on a date last night to the movies?
- It wasn't a date and nobody calls me that.
- What do they call you then?
- Twinkie.
- Twinkie?
- Yes, 'cause she is yellow on the outside
and white on the inside.
- What? That's terrible.
- I like it.
- So Vivian- - Twinkie.
- Vivian, what have you been up to?
I barely see you anymore.
- I got my pay cheque from work yesterday,
so Egghead wanted to use his AMC gift cards.
- Egghead?
- Matthew. They call him Egghead now.
- Why the hell would he do that to himself?
- Scott, language.
- So we went to go see this awful movie together
and then Egghead tried to kiss me.
- I love you, Angela. I always have.
- Why didn't you tell me?
- I did tell you.
I told you every time I drove you to work
or made you coffee.
- I thought you were just a nice guy.
- I am a nice guy.
A nice guy who's - A nice guy who's
- in love with you. - In love with you.
Twinkie.
- Yup.
It completely solidified my theory
that I'm a raging homosexual.
All in all, pretty productive week.
What about you guys?
- You came out like that?
- Yeah, so?
- Dude, your parents are like super conservative.
- Yeah, sure, but what are they gonna do?
Call the adoption agency?
I don't think they accept returns after 30 days.
- Was kissing me really that bad?
Twinkie.
- No.
- Look, I think I used too much tongue.
I used too much tongue.
Hey, we can try again if you want.
- Shh.
- Oh, Brad.
- Oh, Angie.
- Twinkie? - I'm gay, Egghead.
- Why didn't tell me?
- Oh, Angela. - Oh, Brad.
- You should start telling people though,
because that's not really honest.
- Shh.
- Brad.
- Oh, Angela.
- So you are a lesbian?
- Yes, I'm gay.
- You can't possibly know that, you're too young.
- I'm 17.
- When I was 17, I wanted to be a marine biologist.
And now look at me. I'm in real estate.
- Oh my God. That is not the same thing.
- Can we talk about this later, please?
- No, no. Just gimme a minute. I'm almost done.
- Listen, Vivian.
- Twinkie.
- Vivian. - Twinkie.
Twinkie.
- I know what all this is about. Shock value.
It's why you wear those clothes.
That's why you let the kids call you Ding Dong.
And that's fine.
But I tell you what we're not gonna do.
We're not gonna sit here and have this silly conversation,
which quite frankly, is inappropriate for someone your age.
Let's enjoy this quiche,
and I don't want to hear anything more
about this lesbian business.
- Lesbian business?
- Quiet, Twinkie.
- Don't call her that.
- I didn't want this for her either.
- The hell have you guys been talking about
while I've been gone?
- Are you kidding me?
she was gonna say something like that.
- Well, then you should've said something.
- And yet I stayed silent.
- And look where that got us.
Nowhere.
- Okay, like you can do any better.
- You're her mom.
You're supposed to know these things.
- What difference does that make?
- The difference is to me
I have been home grown, working day in, day out,
trying to earn a living to give you
a roof over your head.
- You would be hanging on top of the mess.
- The mess that you have made.
- You don't understand anything.
- More than you think.
- You don't.
- No, I do.
- No, you don't.
- Listen. - You don't.
- This is not the way that we raised our daughter.
- Oh, my God.
You're calling-
- Yes.
Take off the costume.
- Take off my what?
- Forget it. I'm running away right now.
Are you in?
- What? What? Where are you going?
- Texas.
There's this really cool animation studio in Dallas
that I really wanna check out, and I don't know.
I thought it'd be fun.
You know, one last hurrah before college.
- Twinkie, you sound insane.
Is this about last night?
Because I really didn't mean to make things awkward.
- What about last night?
- Nevermind.
- Listen, everything is ready to go.
I just need to know if you're coming or not.
- What about my stuff?
- Already packed?
- You went to my house?
- Yeah. I mean it isn't far.
- That's true.
- So are you coming?
- We're playing Settlers of Catan tonight-
- Egghead. - What?
My mother is very serious about game night.
- No, Kathy's fine.
Look, you will not get in any trouble, I promise.
- Oh my God.
We're so dead.
- What? You're not chickening out, are you?
- No.
I just think it feels wrong.
Feels like he's watching us.
- Don't be such a weenie. Come on.
You ready?
Here we go. Dallas, Texas, baby.
- Whoa. Okay. No turning back now. Woo.
- Well, technically we could, but are we going to?
- No. - No, no.
Let's do this.
Is that normal?
- It's been doing that for months.
Look, it's gonna be fine.
Think of all the kids that are smoking crack
and having babies.
Our parents probably think we're lame.
- You're right, you're right. I just...
Let's do this.
- Yeah, say cheese.
- Cash register has to pay.
- Fight, fight, fight, fight. - Fight, fight, fight, fight.
- Woo.
- You're so hot, baby.
- Twinkie.
Can I use your toothbrush? You forgot to pack mine?
- Sure. Yeah, go for it.
- Thanks.
Someone's popular.
Who are you talking to?
- Just a friend from summer camp.
- Liar.
That makes three lies so far.
Once for Fanimation Studios,
twice for telling me that I wouldn't get in trouble,
and now thrice.
You were saying?
Summer camp? Cool.
- Egghead.
- Yeah.
- Fanimation only does studio tours on Fridays, so no rush.
- Well, then we won't be back until like Sunday.
I guess you don't really seem gay, you know?
- What do you mean?
- Well, don't I seem straight?
- No.
Half of the school thinks you're gay
because you sang "Tainted Love"
at the fifth grade talent show.
- Okay, well...
Have you ever had a girlfriend?
- Not really.
- Oh.
Well then...
How did you know that you were gay?
- Uh...
Uh...
- Well?
- What?
- How did you know you were gay?
- Um...
Porn.
- Porn?
- Just forget about it. Okay, whatever.
Shut off the light.
- How did you...?
Who even are you?
Oh, my hip hurts, dude.
We need to stretch before we get back in the car.
- Yeah, no worries. You good?
- Yeah. Just happens sometimes.
Need to do some like-
- Hip rotations or relaxing your pelvic region.
Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.
It's just my grandma had really bad hip pain for years,
and we all thought it was arthritis?
Turns out it was bone cancer.
Anyway, hi, I'm Jess. I'll be your server for today.
Can I get you guys started with something to drink?
- Yeah, I'll have a diet Coke.
- And for the lady?
- What do you recommend?
- Oh, the Vietnamese coffee is pretty good.
The bubble tea, obviously.
Do you like boba?
- I don't know. I've never had it.
- Oh my god. We have a bunch of different flavors,
but the Taro tea is the best.
I'd shoot up with that stuff
if I was like a drug addict or something.
- Yeah. That's funny.
- Yeah.
- So did you want the Taro or different flavor or?
- You know what? Let's go with the Taro.
I wanna try something new.
- You know what? Yeah, I wanna try something new.
Let me also get the Taro tea.
With the bubbles.
- Sounds good.
I'll be right back with your bubble tea.
- Was it just me or is that waitress like weird?
- If you say so.
- What do you think?
- This is so good. - Right?
Aren't you gonna try some?
- What are the black things at the bottom?
- That's the boba.
- Say, what now?
- Dude, just try it.
Go. - All right.
Oh, mm.
Oh, slimy.
- That's 'cause they're frog eggs.
- You suck.
- I'm gonna pee.
- No, no.
- Wait, seriously, I have to pee.
I wish my parents would stop calling me.
- I think they're just worried about you.
Maybe you should just call 'em back.
- Yeah, I don't really feel
like getting yelled at right now.
- Well, what do you wish that they would say?
In like a perfect world?
- I don't know.
Maybe something like,
"We love you and we accept you
and we're proud of you for being who you are."
Whatever.
What are you doing?
- Your phone is ringing.
- Hello?
- Hi.
Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that,
that I love you and I accept you
and I'm just, just so proud of you.
And there was, hold on.
What was the last part that you said?
- Dork.
- Okay. Ow.
No, nevermind.
I take it all back.
You're an asshole.
Okay, bye.
- You just hung up on me.
- You're being mean.
- Well, now I'm gonna call myself back.
- I don't have enough minutes for that.
- You don't have enough minutes, you're not even on minutes.
I know you.
I know your mom you have minutes.
- Stop.
- No. - Gimme your-
- No.
Stop. Don't do that.
I'm really glad that we're doing this.
Just going to Dallas.
- Yeah, me too.
Thanks for coming with me.
- How long have you liked me?
- What?
- I said how long have you liked me?
- Uh.
Uh, not long.
- Really?
- I think it was a moment of temporary insanity
'cause you're a girl and I'm a guy
and we hang out all the time.
So my brain was like, kiss that girl.
But yeah, no, I'm totally over it now though.
Yeah, I'm totally fine.
- Okay.
I didn't want you pining over me or anything, so.
- I will be at the hide out
with my girlfriend and it's...
Yeah-
- You okay there, champ?
- Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm just tired.
- Where's your friend?
- Oh, she went to the bathroom.
Was I supposed to know that you were gay the whole time?
Because now I just feel like an idiot.
- No, come on.
You're not an idiot.
But yeah, I don't know.
I guess I thought you already knew.
- What do you mean?
- Come on, Egg.
Have I ever talked about guys?
Or even looked at guys like that?
- No, but I just figured that was
because you were in love with me.
- What? - Oh.
No. I'm sorry. I was zoning out.
What were you saying?
- Nevermind. I'm going to bed.
- We'll be in Dallas tomorrow night.
- Mm.
There's this club I really wanna check out.
- We're not old enough to go to a club.
Twinkie.
- Yeah?
- How do you know you're not like bisexual?
- I guess I could be.
I just wouldn't be attracted to you,
specifically.
Well, goodnight.
- Goodnight.
Wakey, wakey, you lying piece of-
- Cake?
- No, no, no, no, no.
That is not how it happened.
- What do you mean? I woke up, you were screaming at me.
- I was not screaming at you.
- Yes, you were.
- No, all I said was,
"Twinkie, you ready to get up?
- That's not what I remember.
- Okay.
Well you're not exactly a trustworthy source.
Why did you ask me to go to Dallas?
- Because I thought it would be fun, obviously.
What's your problem.
- I'm flying to Stanford in three weeks
and I won't be back until Turkey Day.
- Yeah, I know.
- So this is the last thing
that we're gonna do together before college.
Our trip, just going to Texas, you and me.
Being best buds. Am I right?
- I guess.
- Why else would I be here?
To drive you around to beat your chauffeur?
- What? No, you're here because I wanna spend time with you.
What are you talking about?
- Okay, then why are we going to Dallas?
- To go to Fanimation Studios.
- Really?
- You snooped through my phone?
- Your girlfriend sent like a million texts and woke me up.
What the...
Hello? Are you crazy?
She could be a catfish or a serial killer.
- She's not a catfish, okay.
We talk on the phone all the time
and she has a really popular Instagram,
so I don't see why you're trying-
- Oh, okay. All right. Well, enough then.
That makes her totally legit then.
- She is.
- Do you even know what she looks like?
Have you ever tried to FaceTime her?
- No, but that was because her app wasn't working,
so I just- - Oh my God. Are you stupid?
Or you just that desperate for any woman's attention?
- You know, maybe I am.
Is that a problem?
- I just don't think this is a good idea.
- Right? Because you're jealous.
- I'm not jealous.
You're my best friend and you're not acting like yourself.
We tell each other everything, right?
- Yeah, but how was I supposed to know that you-
- You lied to me.
- I didn't lie. I was gonna tell you.
- When? When I took you to Dallas?
Drove you all the way there, did my job?
- It's not like that.
- You're using me to get what you want.
Do you think I wanna go to a club?
To a gay club?
- I don't know. Maybe.
- No, I don't because I'm not gay.
Do you even stop to think for one second
how not fun that might have been for me?
No, you're being selfish.
- I'm not selfish, okay?
I'm just trying to exist and have a life.
And sometimes it feels like
you can't be a part of that anymore.
- Maybe you're right.
And I should have known this trip
was only ever gonna be about you.
Are you serious?
Twinkie.
Oh, my god, oh my god.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no. Come on, Twinkie.
Stop, stop the car.
Twinkie.
- Ugh.
Come on. Fu--!
- Ow. - Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I kick you?
- Jerk.
Look, I'm really, really sorry.
Honestly.
I was being a dickhead.
A fry.
How generous.
- But seriously, where were you and why did you not call me?
- Didn't have my phone.
- You couldn't have borrowed somebody else's?
- I don't have your number memorized.
- Oh my God.
- I just always use your contact.
- Answer the question.
When was the last time you changed your-
- Oil.
- I don't know. A while ago.
- Yeah, I can see that.
What about tires?
Oh.
Who's this chump?
- That's my dad.
- Oh.
Yeah, I can see the resemblance.
Well, you've got a coolant problem, little lady.
You see that there?
Radiator hose is split. Now I can replace that easy.
A leaky water pump is a different story.
Thing is...
I ain't really a mechanic
more the go-to car guy in these parts.
- Right. Okay.
So where's a mechanic?
- About a hundred miles that way.
Yeah.
So if you wanna wait someplace with AC,
there is a diner right here on main street
and there's a Baptist church, Methodist church,
Chinese place.
- Wait, wait. The Chinese place.
Hey.
- Holy shit. - Oh my God. I'm so sorry.
- You scared me. - I did not mean to do that.
- No. It's okay.
I just didn't expect to see you here.
Are you staying in town or?
- No, no. It's kind of a funny story actually.
See, I was going to Dallas, but then I took the wrong turn,
so I ended up driving back the way we came from,
and then my car broke down and then I got stranded
for like two hours
and now I'm waiting for the mechanic guy to fix it, so.
- So is your friend with you?
I'm really, really sorry about the whole frog eggs thing.
- Oh, no, no. Don't be.
He's back at the motel.
- We don't have any motels.
- Oh, no, no, not, not here.
Like 50 miles back.
What are you listening to?
- Oh, just some playlists called Sick Beatz.
You wanna listen?
- Oh.
- Well, that sounds like
bullshit.
- What do you mean?
You're telling me your car broke down
and you were conveniently stranded
with Boba girl of all people?
- Yeah, but it wasn't convenient.
Super inconvenient, actually.
- Oh. Sure it was.
- You wanna hear the story or not?
- Holy shit. - Wanna listen?
- Sure, yeah.
- I like girls.
- What?
- I said I like the squirrels on your pants.
- Oh, oh my God. No, I...
Things were really crazy this morning,,
so I didn't have time to change, and...
- I totally understand.
You can take my clothes if you want.
- What?
- Sorry?
Not take my clothes.
Like steal them or rip them off my body or whatever.
More like I'm going home for lunch,
and you can come and borrow some clothes if you want.
The guy who's fixing your car, it's Randy, right?
- Yeah.
You know him?
- Everyone knows everyone.
I can give him a call, let him know you're here.
All righty, Randy.
Okay.
Yes, yes, you too.
All righty. Bye.
Apparently your car is even more jacked than we thought.
- Did you say five hours?
- Yeah, maybe more.
Randy's driving to the city to pick up some new parts.
So he said you're lucky the car didn't catch on fire
or completely destroy itself.
Or you would've been-
Oh man, it's burnt.
- Sure you don't want some of this instead?
- I'm sure.
You get sick of Chinese food when you serve it all day.
- But it's so good.
So your family's Chinese?
- No. What gave you that idea?
- Just a hunch?
- Well, we're Japanese.
We started out serving Chinese and Japanese food, you know,
like generic Asian cuisine,
but half the town only eats orange chicken anyway,
so we simplified.
- Well, I'm Chinese.
Kind of.
Both of my parents are white.
- Oh, so you're adopted?
- Yeah, but not from China.
When I was a kid,
strangers used to come up to my mom
and ask where she adopted me from.
Totally threw them off when she said Miami.
- But you're not only Chinese, you look mixed.
- I don't know.
Everyone thinks I look Chinese,
so I usually just say that I'm Chinese.
- Oh, so you're whatever people say you are.
Well, in that case you look...
50% Chinese,
and...
50% pajama chic.
- Pajama chic?
- Wow.
You look really nice.
- Thanks.
- So like you don't have to answer this, but are you gay?
- No.
- Oh, so,
you're an ally, or?
- Oh no, I'm bi.
My mom bought the wrong flag for me last year
when I came out and she was so excited,
I just didn't have the heart to tell her.
- Cool. That's awesome.
I think these pants are too tight.
- Try on the shorts.
Are you gay?
Because that's the gayest outfit I've ever seen.
What? What's wrong with it?
- Nothing's wrong with it.
What? Are you homophobic?
Let's see.
I have an idea.
Okay, this would look really good.
- No, no, no.
- Just try it on.
Just try it on.
- Okay.
Yours.
- Cute. Why do you have this?
- My lady.
- Now that would look really good.
- I can't put my arms in.
- I really like her style.
- Oh wait, go back.
That post is about me.
- Cute. So she's your girlfriend?
- No, not yet, but we talk all the time.
- Hmm.
- I think she's gonna make it official when we meet.
That's from Dallas Pride.
She told me all about it afterwards.
- Oh, lucky.
I was supposed to go to LA Pride,
but we ended up moving here instead.
And Deer Creek Pride is a more of a secret solo celebration.
So what does BD even stand for?
Belly dance?
- No.
- Baby daddy?
- No.
It stands for her Instagram handle, Big Dyke Energy.
Big Dyke.
- Oh yeah, of course.
- Oh shut up. - Yeah, big dyke.
So what's her real name?
- She's gonna tell me when we finally meet on Friday.
- Like tomorrow Friday?
- Shit. Oh my God.
Can I DM on her Instagram real quick?
- Oh yeah.
Have you tried messaging what's-his-name?
Eggman?
He doesn't have
an Instagram.
Or any social media.
I mean, he is not really a phone person.
- Hi, Mr. Harris.
Twinkie can't come to the phone right now because...
She's taking a shower.
She is a selective mute.
Your daughter is on a ski trip.
She is still in the shower.
I know.
Twinkie has died...
In a horrific car accident.
How did I survive?
- Can you stop interrupting me?
I'm trying to tell a story here.
- Well, your parents left nine voicemails.
Nine.
Twinkie, we really should call them back
when we get to the motel.
Twinkie.
- Did your parents actually name you after a Hostess cake?
- Nah, it's Vivian, but everyone calls me Twinkie.
- Why?
- Because I want them to.
Okay, so last summer my parents sent me
to this week-long Chinese camp
to learn more about my culture.
And the kids there, you know,
I was so excited because I thought
I was finally gonna fit in, but I didn't.
Though there's one girl there that kept calling me a Twinkie
because I'm yellow on the outside and
white on the inside. - White on the inside.
- Yeah.
So I started calling myself Twinkie because screw that.
- At least Twinkie is kind of cute.
She gonna called you Ding Dong or...
Ho Ho?
- Oh my God. Ho ho Harris?
- Sounds like a slutty Christmas self.
Here comes ho ho Harris
singing "Santa Baby."
- Oh, stop.
Jess.
- Yeah.
- Do I even look Chinese?
- Is this about what I said earlier
when I said you look mixed?
Don't worry about it. I was just talking to talk, you know?
- I guess, but it's like I've always been the Asian girl.
You know?
The girl adopted from China,
even though that's not true.
- Miami, China, same difference.
- Maybe it's stupid.
I hated being different for so long
and now that I finally like being Chinese,
it's like everyone just keeps saying you're a Twinkie
or you look mixed.
- Whoa, wait. That's not what I'm saying.
You're Chinese, you totally are,
but you're also mixed with everything else too, you know?
- I guess.
- So that doesn't make you any less Chinese.
Makes you more of everything.
More like yourself.
- Yeah.
Thanks.
- Good news. Your car is ready.
- Mm. What time is it?
- Almost midnight.
Took a lot longer than five hours.
Do you wanna just sleep over and leave in the morning?
- Thanks, but I should go.
Egghead is going to kill me.
- See? All hunky dory.
Now what did I just say?
- Hunky dory.
- She's running low on gas.
You gotta fill her up first chance you get, and I mean that.
All right, now it'll be 280 for everything.
- Sorry, I only have 260.
- Well, that's just great.
Oh, let me wipe down that window,
bird's been shittin' all over the place.
- Well, I guess this is it.
- Yep. Guess so.
Then Jess was like...
- Peace out.
- And I was like see you never.
Then I got in the car and drove all the way back
to the motel and now we're here.
The end.
- Oh my God. That was an awful story.
There was way too much exposition.
It floundered in the second act and you rushed the ending.
Have you ever heard of rising action or denouement?
- Yeah. Well, that's what happened.
- I have to pee.
- Well, I guess this is it.
- I guess so.
And thank you by the way,
for letting me borrow your clothes off.
- Oh no. Yeah, of course.
It was a lot of fun.
I was just about to say,
maybe we can do this again sometime,
but we're probably never gonna see each other again.
Oh.
- Oh. Okay.
Awe.
What are you doing?
- I can't find my wallet.
- Maybe you left it at the motel.
- Huh? Well you're paying right?
- Well, technically my dad's paying.
- Wait, you're out of cash already?
- I had to pay the mechanic.
- All right. I'm gonna retrace my steps.
Maybe I left it in the bathroom.
Be right back.
- Well, what's wrong?
Twinkie?
- Nothing.
What are you trying to do? Kiss me?
- What? No, we were literally hugging.
- Yeah, but you were looking at me like Egghead did
before he decided to tongue me during
the worst movie of all time.
- Are you sure you don't wanna wait until Randy gets back?
I didn't mean to freak you out. I'm sorry.
- You didn't freak me out.
I just...
I need to go.
I'm sorry.
Get home safe.
- The payment didn't go through. Do you have another card?
No, but that shouldn't actually be a problem.
Let me call my bank.
- Okay, well it's not the bathroom, so I must have-
- Sit down.
My card got declined. I think my dad froze the account.
- That dick.
What if this was an actual emergency?
- This is an actual emergency.
What're we gonna do? We owe them like $46 and 52 cents.
We have to tell them that I lost my wallet.
Do you really wanna tell that guy
that we don't have any money?
We're gonna have to run for it.
- What?
- People dine and dash all the time.
Okay? At least we feel bad about it.
- Twinkie, it's stealing.
- You're right. You really wanna stay?
- Yes.
- Then I'll go and you can stay here.
After all, you are the one who ordered all food.
I just got a small black coffee.
- You
are evil.
- So here's the plan.
I'm gonna go outside and start the car and you count to 30.
Actually count to 60, make it 60.
And then go outside, make a run for it.
- Wait, wait, why am I doing all the running?
- Because I have to call my bank.
Hi. Yes.
Hello? I...
Yes, I have a question about my credit card.
I'm trying to make a payment
but it won't go through for some reason.
- Wait, wait. Oh my god.
- Yeah, of course.
Yeah, one second.
- Oh, my credit card number is gonna be 8, 3, 7.
- 1.
- 9, 3. Bullshit.
- Twinkie.
- Shit.
- 54.
55.
56.
60.
Go, go, go.
- What? What's happening?
- Shit. We're out of gas.
- Are you kidding me?
- Hey.
- Get out, run.
- Whoa.
- going.
- I can
- Whoa.
- Go ahead and run.
We got your car.
You come back here again, I'll skin you alive.
You hear me?
You're dead.
- Wait, wait.
Come on.
Damn it. - Damn it.
- Hey.
What do you think you're doing?
- I was passing out fliers that might interest you
and your customers.
- You one of them Mormons?
- What?
- You a fairy or something?
- No. Why does everyone think that?
My name is Cuthbert.
I am with the National Campaign of the Climate Change.
Good to meet you, Bob.
- Climate change.
You want to talk to me about climate change?
- Yes.
- Yeah, well lookie here, all right?
I don't appreciate you hassling my customers
with a bunch of propaganda.
So you just go back and you tell your people
that we're not interested.
- But, but, but no. The polar bears.
Yeah, you like polar bears?
- I don't know. I never met one.
- They are awesome.
Look, did you know that we are pumping record levels
of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere,
which is trapping heat from the sun
and melting the polar ice caps?
- This just an attack on big oil.
But don't worry, I won't shoot the messenger.
- Well, you know, you...
Bob, you. Stop it.
You're a funny guy.
Bob, the polar bear are drowning.
- Get your hands off me.
What did you say your name was again?
- It's Matthew.
- Matthew, I thought you said your name was-
- Egghead.
- Hey.
- Drive.
Drive, drive.
- Stop the car.
Stop the car.
- Sorry, Bob.
- Son of a.
- What are you smiling out over there?
- Nothing.
Jess added me on Instagram.
- Jess.
The Boba girl?
- Yep.
- Okay, look,
I know we're headed to Dallas to see BD and all that,
but I think Boba girl has a crush on you, dude.
- What?
- Yeah.
- No.
She's way too cool for me, dude.
- Didn't we meet the same person?
- Shut up.
Look, she's cool.
BD says she can meet us there.
Why don't you tell me more about BD?
Like what is she like? How'd you guys meet?
Did you reverse image search any of her photos?
- She's not a catfish.
Okay, so I DMd her on Instagram like six months ago
and she actually responded, which was crazy.
So we were DMing for a while and then she asked me
for my number.
And now we text like all the time.
She's honestly just like a really cool person.
Really confident and authentic.
- You made this?
- Ew, no. One of our fan girls did.
Keys.
You ready to change?
- Uh.
You know, I think I'm just gonna go on this, honestly.
- Why? The whole point of the party is to dress up.
- Yeah, no, I know, I just...
I don't want to give people the the wrong idea.
- What do you mean?
- I just mean...
You know, we're going to a gay club,
and I would be wearing a rainbow outfit.
- Okay.
Suit yourself.
- Okay, so what is this place called?
Hideaway?
The Hidey Hole.
The hide, it's hide something.
It's...
- Your call has been forwarded to a-
- She's not picking up.
- What? Well, you can't go in there.
You're not old enough to keep going-
- Shh. I know.
Just let me think.
- IDs, ladies.
Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
Okay, I'm gonna go in there,
and just tell her to call you
and you can just wait by the car.
Okay?
- I got it.
You're okay? Yeah, yeah.
Go, go, go. - Okay.
- Next.
- You do know this is lady's night?
Lez Dance?
- Yeah, yeah. Obviously.
Thanks.
- Next.
- Sorry. I'm so sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Do you know where to find BD?
- What?
- BD.
Oh, oh, Big Dyke.
Do you know a Big Dyke?
You don't know?
- Woo hoo hoo.
- Yeah.
- What are you doing out here.
Now I'm gonna have to pay to get back in.
- Okay, question.
Do you rip your band-aids off or do you peel 'em off slowly?
- What are you talking about?
You're being all cryptic and weird.
- Okay, okay.
I'm gonna say this to you,
but you have got to let me explain it, okay?
- Okay.
- I think BD's cheating on you.
I don't...
I walked in and I saw her on stage and there was this girl
and she just came up to her and they started kissing,
But I'm...
I don't know. I don't know.
I'm sorry, Twinkie. I'm sorry.
- Well, congratulations.
I guess that means I can be your girlfriend now, right?
- Twinkie? That's...
- Hey.
What? I can't hear you.
Look, why aren't you answering any of my calls?
I'm stuck in the parking lot.
- I'm sorry, okay?
Feminix was supposed to go first
and she switched with me last minute.
I'll be out in like 10 minutes.
Can I call you back?
- Hold on.
Egghead said he saw you kissing some girl.
Who is she?
- Oh my God. Did she talk about me?
- She's just a friend.
You know, part of the whole DJ thing.
For the show or whatever.
You're not mad at me, are you?
- No, it's just...
I don't know, it kind of felt like we were dating.
- No, I don't.
- Not dating,
but it kind of felt like it was just you and me.
- I don't really do the whole relationship thing.
It's cute though. I'm flattered.
- How come you never told me
that you were seeing other people?
- I mean, was I supposed to?
We're not dating, so.
- Yeah, I know, but we've been talking for months.
- Yeah.
- Yeah 'cause I like talking to you.
But, it's casual, you know?
- Casual?
You said I love you to me over text.
- Yeah, and I say I love you to like everybody.
- That doesn't make any sense.
- Come on, Twinkie. I probably told you.
- No, you didn't because I was waiting
for you to talk about some other girl.
I was like, there's no way she likes me,
but after six months I started to think maybe she does,
maybe she actually does.
- Oh my God. Jesus, Twinkie.
I do like you, okay?
You live on like the other side of the country.
You think I'm gonna start a long distance relationship
with someone I barely even know?
I didn't tell you cause I didn't wanna hurt your feelings.
Okay?
I was trying to protect you.
- Look, I don't need protecting.
- Oh, come on. I've been out since I was 14.
I've been out for like, what? Four days?
You barely even know who you are.
- Listen,
why don't you just come outside and we can talk about this?
- Get off your phone. Let's go dance.
Let's go dance.
- I don't know.
Kind of freaking me out right now.
- What do you mean? I'm just trying to talk to you.
- No, you're not.
You're trying to blame all of this on me.
Make me the bad guy.
You're the one who assumed all of this.
- Look. You're right.
Okay.
Can we just forget any of this happened
and just go in and dance?
I mean, if you still want to.
- Do you still want to?
I don't know.
I feel like you're pissed at me.
- Look, I'm not, okay.
I like you. I really like you.
I don't know, I just want you to like me back.
- Look, I'm sorry, okay.
This was a bad idea.
You're making me feel like a total asshole right now,
you know?
I think you should just go home.
I'm sorry you came all this way.
- Wait, are you serious?
- Twinkie?
- I messed up.
Can you just go inside and ask the bouncer to let me in
for like five minutes?
I just wanna go in, Egg.
- Twinkie.
I don't think we have enough money to stay in another motel.
Barely have enough to get food and gas.
Where are we gonna sleep tonight, man?
- I just wanna go home.
And if we don't stop, it should only be 16 hours.
- We have to stop.
We have to stretch, use the bathroom.
I know that you're hurt right now.
I also got like three hours of sleep last night, so.
Can you do that...?
Play some rock music for me? Keep me awake, okay.
- Vivian, it's Dad. I am tired of calling.
You're gonna have to come home eventually.
And when you do, they're going to be serious,
and I mean serious consequences.
We raised you better than this.
- 8.02.
- $8?
- 6.31.
Thank you.
- Hey, I really like your pin.
- Thanks. I got it at Pride back in June.
They have a whole bunch of cute vendors and stuff.
- I've never been, so.
- What? Girl, you are missing out.
It's so much fun.
Me and my friends, we go every summer.
All right, so here is your...
- Egghead, we gotta look back on the road.
- Just five more minutes and I'll feed the dog.
- My parents are gonna kill me.
I never should've stolen my dad's car, but...
I was so pissed because he never takes me seriously,
and my mom just goes along with whatever he says,
even though it makes you mad.
And then BD said that I barely even know who I am,
but that's not true.
I've known that I was gay since the fifth grade.
And it's like everybody thinks
that they know me better than I do.
I know you still like me,
and it sucks because it makes me feel like
you don't believe me either.
Dork.
Ow.
What the hell?
- Rise and shine.
Today, we're gonna turn that frown upside down.
Can you not?
What are you...
Why're are you dressed like that?
- What? You mean this old thing?
- This is about what I said last night?
You were awake the whole time?
- I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm just showing support from my best friend
who is super cool and gay and unique.
- And you could even say that she is a fruit loop
in a world of Cheerios.
- A fruit loop.
- I dunno. I saw it on a T-shirt once.
Listen up, Twinkie, I am proud of you.
And you are a totally cool, legit lesbian.
Not that I'm an expert in that field.
The point is, you don't have to prove yourself to me.
You don't have to prove yourself to your parents.
You don't have to prove yourself to anyone.
And I will wear this costume every day
if that is what makes you feel better,
because seeing you upset is like
the worst thing in the world,
and honestly, you're very scary when you're pissed off.
Whoa.
- So let's go get your girl.
- My girl. You mean BD?
- No, no, the other one.
Boba girl.
BG.
- Wait, Jess?
- Yes.
- She obviously likes you for some reason,
and correct me if I'm wrong,
but you may be kind of sorta of like her back.
- Listen, thanks for whatever this is,
but I kind of really messed things up with Jess
and she probably hates me.
- What?
- No, no, no.
She opposite of hates you.
- She loves me?
- Love is a little intense, but maybe she does,
and at the very least she likes you
and she's not a complete jerkwad like Big Dick.
- Okay, but what if you're wrong?
- Well, then you'll just be friendzoned
and depressed like me.
So what do you say? Are you in?
That's what I thought.
- I can't do it.
- What do you mean?
No, no, no. What do you mean?
You've got it.
- I don't even have a plan.
- No, you don't need a plan. That's what's so romantic.
No plan. No plan.
Just pure carnal instinct.
- Egghead, you've kissed one girl and now she's gay.
- Oh. There she is.
She's alone behind the restaurant. This is perfect.
- For what? A mugging?
- Come on, stop.
- Get out.
She's staring, she's staring.
- I'm out, I'm out, I'm out.
- She's staring.
- Hey.
What are you doing here? Did you forget something?
- Kind of.
I'll just come over.
I'll come over to you.
We're on our way back, so I wanted to stop and say hi.
And this is for you.
- Wait, you drew this?
Thanks.
- Stop.
- Ow. My sciatica.
- So I called her out on it and she ghosted me.
Blocked me on text, Instagram, everything.
- Man, I'm so sorry.
- It's okay.
She's kinda of an asshole.
- Sounds like it. Yeah.
And I work in food service,
so I've met some pretty exceptional assholes.
- So are you listening to more Sick Beatz?
- Yeah, the sickest.
You wanna listen?
- Hey Jess, listen.
I'm really sorry for freaking out last time
when we said goodbye.
I did... - It's okay. I get it.
- Really?
- Yeah. I mean it was kind of my fault.
You had a thing for BD and it was probably stupid,
obviously that I liked you.
- Liked as in past tense?
- Past, present.
Future?
Oh wow. Your friend is stretching.
- Yeah, his hips started bothering him like 50 miles back.
Just pretend he's...
- Oh, it's kind of hard. He's really getting into it.
Is he wearing a tutu?
- Oh my god.
Holy shit.
- Holy shit.
- Are you on lunch?
- No, I'm not. I have to go back.
I have to go back to it.
- How did it go?
- It was perfect.
Got her number and everything.
- Wow. Look at you.
Well, I hate to burst your bubble,
but we have a hellish drive ahead of us.
So I mapped out the route and it says
it should only take 10 hours if we don't stop.
But obviously, we have to stop.
So factoring a three hour nap
and approximately four pit stops for food and gas,
that puts us there at around 8:00 AM.
- You're a really good friend.
- Thanks.
All right.
- Oh my god, this is gonna take forever.
- Watch you piece of-
Twinkie.
Twinkie, wake up.
We're here.
- Oh my God.
- Your parents left me another voicemail.
- Sorry about that.
- No, it's okay.
They text me all the time and they call me too.
Your mom made a group chat and everything.
- What?
- Your dad sent me a little GIF
of a piggy wearing rain boots.
- Why didn't you tell me you were texting my parents?
Dude, they're obviously using you to get to me.
- I know.
What do you think that I think that they're doing?
Try to be my new middle-aged best friends?
Twinkie, we stole your dad's car and just disappeared.
I don't want them to like call the cops or something.
We should at least hear what they have to say.
- Hi, Matthew. It's me again.
I was hoping you could pass on a message to Vivian.
It's just her dad and I love her very much.
Whatever's going on, we wanna help her figure it out.
Okay. Mr. Harris is gonna say something now.
- Hi, Matthew. Some good news for you.
The guy at the restaurant, Bob Hudson,
he said he doesn't wanna press charges.
- Wait, stop.
- Can you please tell-
- You told my dad about Bob?
- What? No, no, no, no.
He just must have found out somehow.
Well, at least she's not pressing charges.
It's good old Bob.
- Please tell Vivian to be an adult and call me back
because we love her very much.
We do, it's just, you know,
we don't really talk about this stuff,
but we're willing to try if that's what she wants.
Okay. That's it.
Drive safe.
- Thanks, Matthew. Bye.
- Wow.
They completely avoided the whole gay thing.
- I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I think they'll come around.
You ready to go in?
- Yeah.
I want you to have this.
- The whole thing?
Oh wow.
This is so cool.
Us said the diner.
There's Bob.
Oh my god.
You really captured his essence.
- Really gonna miss you.
- What are you talking about?
I don't leave for like three weeks.
- Two and a half, I checked.
- So what?
There are so many things that we can do
in two and a half weeks.
I'm pretty sure that we're fired for stealing Cuthbert.
So I don't have anything to do except for packing
and hanging out with you.
- Yeah, I'm probably grounded,
but you can just sneak it window.
- Yeah. I figured.