OK, so you are here to audition
for a part in the British Airways safety information video.
Can you just look into the camera and give your name please?
Hi, I'm Chiwetel Ejiofor.
And have you done any safety videos before?
No, only feature films.
Well, this could be your big break, OK, mate? So don't mess it up.
Shall we get one in the can, guys?
Now listen, Chiwetel.
There's going to be an autocue so you don't have to learn the lines.
You just read them.
OK, focus.
OK, action!
Hello.
We will now demonstrate the safety features on this aircraft
and your attention is essential,
as these may differ from any aircraft that you've flown on before.
Hmmm, bit of a show-off.
Take care your hand baggage does not block the aisles or exit.
It must be put under the seat in front of you
or in an overhead locker.
Place items in the locker carefully
as they may fall out and injure someone,
especially if it's a bag full of duty-free goods, darling.
Actually, sorry. That was meant for Joanna Lumley.
- Muppet. - Sorry.
In the case of an evacuation,
you must move quickly to the closest, usable exit,
taking absolutely nothing with you, and I mean nothing, sweetie.
Yeah, that was another one of her lines.
F*ck me.
You ****.
(coughs)
Sorry, erm, action.
All exits are clearly marked and are being pointed out to you now.
Please take a moment to locate your nearest exit,
bearing in mind this may be behind you.
Wow, that was beautiful!
Oh, thanks.
No, seriously, that bit about the nearest exits, really powerful.
Please, carry on Th-andie.
Thandie. Thandie. Sorry.
Opening the doors automatically inflates the evacuation slides.
And remember, high-heeled shoes must be taken off
as they may tear the slide.
God! No way! Designer shoes, like me.
We are so like soulmates.
We should hang.
No.
Cool.
If the cabin air supply fails, oxygen will be provided.
Masks, like this, will apear automatically.
Stay in your seat and pull the mask towards you.
Place the mask over your mouth and nose, like this,
and breathe normally, adjusting the band to secure it.
Please note that the bag may not inflate.
In all the washrooms, Club World and First cabins,
you may need to pull on the coloured streamer to release the mask.
And please, please, do make sure your own mask is fitted
before helping anyone else.
That was so wonderful.
- Oh! - You know, you'll get the part.
Do you think so? I hope so.
Next!
Right, pay attention, please.
Your life jacket is underneath or beside your seat.
If required, please remove the jacket from its container
and pull it over your head.
Pass the tapes around your waist
and tie them securely in a double bow at the side.
And thus, a double bow.
To inflate, pull the red toggle, as shown.
When you see a red toggle, that's definitely the toggle to tug.
Now, the air in this rather wonderful jacket can be topped up
by using this neat little mouthpiece.
There's also a charming whistle and light combination
for attracting attention,
should you be one of those people who enjoys attention.
And please, fairly obviously, do not inflate your lovely life jacket
until you've actually left the aircraft,
at which point toggle up,
inflate away and whistle all you like.
OK. So, Jim, I'll read the line
and then when I do the nod, you do the action.
OK, yeah.
OK, please now ensure that your seat is upright
and in the take-off position, with armrests down,
your footstool and video screen are stowed, if you have them,
and your table is folded away.
Genius. Look, I've got goosebumps.
Is that it? Just the tray table?
That's it, and you smashed it.
Oh.
Well I suppose it does have a certain je ne sais quoi.
Thank you.
In the unlikely event of the aircraft having to make an emergency landing,
you will be told to adopt this protective brace position.
If facing rearwards, in Club World,
you must adopt this position.
If you have any questions, please ask your cabin crew.
Great, very intense. I love the soured face.
Maybe we could try the next bit just a little less serious?
Less serious?
Just chill out mate, really, you know.
Maybe if you just move your head actually, just...
- No, no, it's fine. - I've got it.
You've got it? Yeah, just exactly, so we can see the beautiful smile.
Very radiant.
But it's not X-Files. There's no aliens about.
- I got it. - Just chill out, yeah?
- Thank you. - Brilliant.
Thank you, Gillian.
Action.
You'll also find the Flying Start donation envelope in your seat area.
So if you've got any spare change, in any currency, find it,
take it out and put it in the envelope.
Please.
Spot on.
OK, that's a wrap.
On behalf of British Airways, Comic Relief and Flying Start...
..thank you for your attention and your kind donations.
Every penny of which will help children all over the world...
..living really tough lives.
If you have any questions, or you can't find your safety card...
..or Flying Start envelope...
..please ask one of your gorgeous cabin crew members.
Have an enjoyable flight.