A young soldier, about your age,
far away from home, discovers that he's growing horns.
A troubling yet very common occurrence in the Europe of his day.
"Friend, thou art plagued," his comrades said about his horns.
"Thy wife cheats on thee with another dude."
The other soldiers spent days taunting him:
"Yep. He's attacking her pink fortress.
Doing the pants-off dance-off.
Laying pipe. Tapping that ass."
Humiliated and determined to know the truth,
he embarks on the long and sleepless journey home.
It's also hard to sleep when you've got horns on your head. Yeah.
Crying oceans, he would scream to the heavens,
"Gods of long-distance relationships, why do you forsake me so?"
It was sad. Heartbreaking stuff.
He finally arrives at his homestead to find his wife engaged
in the four-legged foxtrot with a rather handsome Moor.
He'd never seen a Moor before, actually.
Enraged, the young soldier slew the Moor
and decided at that moment never to trust dark-skinned fellows ever.
As punishment, and also to avoid future cuckolding,
he shut his lady's cookie with lock and key,
making her penis-proof.
Well, you have to understand, people, this was the pre-woke era.
She was his property. And you know what they say in the suburbs:
"Lock your stuff away from the dark-skinned folks."
Hey, what did I say about phones in the class?
Come on, Mr. Richard. We're in the middle of a narrative here.
You guys get the gist, right?
So, tomorrow and the rest of the week, we will listen to your stories.
Please try not to put us to sleep.
- Be awesome. - Great lecture.
Happy birthday by the way, Mr. Matshane.
Mr. Matshane is my dad. Call me Max, please.
AFRICAN CUISINE
- You guys need to hear this. - Babe, are you...
- Are you okay with it? - I'm fine.
- But you're sensitive about this. - Don't be saying I'm sensitive.
I'm not sensitive about this.
- Are you sure? - I'm sure. Tell the story.
Okay, let me tell the story.
So, the other day, it was a few days ago,
we were in Parkhurst, minding our business,
having a great time, and then we bump into this couple.
- Friends of his. - No, not my friends.
- Matthew Fink and his wife. - The journalist.
- Right. - I know that guy.
They then ply us with alcohol and they invite us to their house.
So we're completely wasted, and then they say, "Let's go for a swim."
You went for a swim?
No, we considered going for a swim until they stood in front of us naked.
So, he's like, "We have an early morning.
- We have to go." - Which I did.
That's when they got to the point of saying, "Cool, you can go.
We'll bring your wife back in the morning."
They said that. "We'll bring your wife in the morning."
- But that is obvious, though. - What do you mean?
Dude, I've seen your life.
I was there when you were picking up those funny girls in high school, bro.
Ain't none of them being invited into a foursome. Not one of them.
Based on this information, we can deduce that you have never been invited
to be part of a sexual encounter involving more than two people.
Like...
- No. - I think your brother is saying
you're punching above your weight with Sam.
That is not what I'm saying at all.
- I think you're completely orgy material. - That's me.
- It's so hard to meet women in the city. - Sure you've tried hard enough?
There aren't enough places to congregate.
- Everyone is always in their cars. - "Congregate"? Who says "congregate"?
What's wrong with "congregate"?
Fuck, I'm old.
Toast.
Let's raise our glasses.
To the birthday boy, my brother, Vladimir Matshane.
Or Max, as you all know him.
Sir, may you have many, many more orgy invitations thanks to your wife.
What an asshole.
Are you Monsieur Bon Bon?
- I just happen to be that exact person. - Amazing.
How can I be of assistance?
- He's huge. - She speaks. Welcome.
Welcome to the table.
He is huge, right? Don't mind him, he's just jealous.
Heiner Miller is coming to town. Are you literary types excited?
- Not me. - Not you? What do you mean?
You loved Son of a Scorched Soil.
No. You said it was a great book, I thought it was just okay.
A little bit of jealousy here, Sam?
Why would I be jealous? The guy's like 80 years older than me.
- Why would I be jealous? - He isn't that old, is he?
He's very old.
I'm not the literary type and I'm excited.
- I've got a first edition of Mighty Zungu. - I love that book.
Somebody needs to make a movie of that.
- I've never read it. - What? How old are you?
We invited everybody. It's only proper that we get you guys.
This is my birthday gift to myself.
- To everybody. - We could just split this.
No, just relax. I've got this.
- Thank you. - Something for my friends.
Thank you.
- Declined. - Try budget.
I don't mind splitting it. Although, we didn't have any booze.
And then? What happened to the party?
I'll take it.
Thanks. Little brother.
- Happy birthday, my love. - Yeah.
Bye now. Hello?
- Her book launch? - Yes, baby, you know about this. Poetry.
You know the world should not be exposed to that lady's poetry.
Her poetry is horrible. I don't want to go to the poetry...
- That's a terrible thing to say. - No, you know I love Laz.
I love Laz more than I love myself.
You love Laz more than you love yourself?
Like I love myself. Yeah, I love her a lot.
If you love her like you love yourself, how much do you love me?
I love you, like, more than I love everything.
I love you infinity.
I love you like ten thousands Lazes.
A million Lazes.
[dog barking]
[ducks quacking]
Sam?
- I think we've got money problems. - Yeah, I know.
We've got so much of it that you decided you want to
settle a 4,000 rand bill, remember?
I'm an idiot, I know. I think my ego got the better of me.
You know what my solution is. Ive told you this
We could just sell this place and get a smaller place.
There are such cool apartments in Killarney.
But... we love this place.
This is our place to have kids and grow old.
People have babies all over the place, all around the world.
Could have a baby in a mud hut. Plus, I'm not in a rush to have children.
I spent my teens raising my brother.
I curse your brother. Your brother's costing me a family.
Leave my brother, stop it.
I'm sorry. But we're not getting any younger.
- And I thought you loved this place. - I do.
I think we could use our money to do something else,
something different, not just a house in the suburbs.
- I've got that series of talks at UCT. - Yeah.
It's a good check. Piss easy.
Could use the money to squash the overdraft.
"Head above water" vibes. That's so romantic.
We should be flying to somewhere exotic like India or South America,
have magic mushrooms, run away naked in faraway forests.
You can focus on your writing.
And then we can talk about babies and a big house.
We'll be deep in our 40s by then.
We'll have babies that we take out to the shops
and everybody will be going, "Oh, wow. What cute grandchildren you have.
What cute grandchildren."
- Anyway, guess what I'm doing this week. - What?
I finally got that interview with Herbert Gwala.
Wow, well done!
- I was hassling his people for two months. - I know, I was here.
I was here when you were hassling there.
They finally agreed. I'm meeting him at his house for the interview.
His house?
No. He's gonna try to shag you. Obviously.
You know, I was reading up about him. He's an alchemist.
He turns women into wives and fuckbuddies.
He's gonna totally try to shag you.
I could just whore myself to him for a couple of million, Max.
You never know. He'll say, "Oh, here, babies.
Here's a diamond mine. Can I fuck you now?"
Then I say, "Yes, Pootie. Diamonds are a girl's best friend."
That's the spirit.
Taking one for the team. Squashing overdrafts.
Yeah, right. You should get going. Okay.
- Love you. - Get out of here.
Get out of here, you diamond mine whore.
I'm putting money into a microbrewery with some students.
- You interested? - No.
- Sounds like hipster nonsense. - [Joel laughs]
Quickest way to lose your cash. And you know nothing about beer.
Besides, money's pretty tight in my life.
- Might even have to sell the house. - That's heavy.
- Why not ask your brother to bail you out? - No.
You're crazy. I'm not asking my little brother for cash.
Are you serious?
I don't think you comprehend how big he is.
Rolling Stone have him on their list of most promising acts of the year.
Is it local Rolling Stone? It must be.
Hating on your own blood? No. Hating on your own blood?
Write another book. You'll get a fat advance.
Everything will be sorted.
- It's a local Rolling Stone, right? - What difference does it make?
And as the sun was setting,
casting a golden glow over the garrison,
he emerged from the hole covered in dust,
carrying her lifeless body.
He dropped the body.
He turned to them and he said what he had said before.
He cocked his Glock,
and he said, "Let this be a lesson to all y'all swarm of bitches.
I said this before. I'm gonna say it again.
You can't make a ho a housewife.
And if any of y'all beg to differ, you can suck on these nuts."
Boom!
Thanks.
Thanks, Mr. Edwards. That was...
expletive-ridden to say the least.
And there's a complete looting of Hollywood lines and...
verses from rap songs.
The piece is meant to be an adaptation of various things
which serve the same theme.
Like a meta-adaptation, if you may.
Okay.
What does everybody else think?
- Mr. Khumalo, take it away. - You know...
I'm offended. You know?
The rampant use of the N word.
N word this, N word that.
It's an N word festival in here.
- What's happening? - That was used in context, I assure you.
These characters would say that.
Anybody else? Ms. Mogale, what do you think?
Ms. Mogale's my mother. It's Kabelo.
Touché.
What did you think, Kabelo?
I thought it sucks.
Is that all we're going to get? It sucked?
It's just such an obvious example of cultural appropriation,
with no sense of irony.
It's like you thought we'd forget that you're a white male
using your privilege to exploit black culture.
I'm mean... it's unacceptable.
While taking liberties to drop a few N bombs here and there. We see you.
All right, cool. Let's pick on the white guy, right?
Let's pick on the white guy.
Okay, guys. Let's pick it up next time. Thank you very much.
Mr. Matshane. Sorry, I mean, Max.
I wanted to say that Blossoms of the Roses is my favorite book.
It's the reason I wanted to become a writer.
Just really beautiful and layered and kind of amazing.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
This is something I've been working on for a while now.
- All right. - Your feedback would mean everything.
- Do you mind reading it? - Of course.
- I'll read it and get back to you. - Thank you.
- It's quite big. There's a lot. - Well, I write a lot.
- Okay. - Well, thanks and everything.
Are you going to the Heiner Miller talk?
- I might. - So maybe I'll see you there?
Okay.
Okay, bye.
Do you think that the N word in South Africa is as offensive?
If you heard a white person say it,
would you be offended
or would you think they're trying to be down?
- Well, it depends. - On what?
If a white guy came up to me and said, "What's up my nigga?"
I'd be annoyed, but I'd let it slide.
But if I overheard him say, "There are too many niggas in here,"
I'd be compelled to punch him.
But would it rouse as strong an emotion as the K word?
No. The K word is completely off-limits.
There is no justifiable reason for anyone, black or white,
to use the K word.
- I'm way too horny for this place. - Tell me about it.
What do you mean? You get to have regular intercourse with a hot woman.
I know, but the girl in my class there... [whistles]
We're talking belter extraordinaire.
She smells so good.
When she was standing next to me, I literally had a semi-erect penis.
If she said, "Let's do it right now, in the library," I'd be conflicted.
But let me take this moment to remind you
of how our dear friend and comrade Lennox Papo
was busted from this place for succumbing to the loins...
not even the loins, the juicy loins, of his students.
- Don't forget Lennox Papo. - Yeah. I'll never cheat on my wife.
Especially with a student. No.
Yeah, but you had location just now.
Yeah, it's hypothetical. But Lennox though.
- Lennox. - Lennox was too reckless.
I am overwhelmed with the warm reception back in the country of my birth.
And also to see the talent and enthusiasm that still lives and works here.
You wouldn't think so to look at me with my rugged looks and sexy physique.
I am actually quite old.
So, I'd be very happy if I've been able to inspire at least some of you
to follow your creative paths.
Because...
- What do you think of this guy? - He's lived, man. We're sleeping.
I'm just tired of this bleeding heart,
white liberal view on the "African plight."
It's so condescending, Man.
What you said right there, I'm tired of that.
That is tired. This guy's got the Booker Prize.
Yeah, but when his freedom came, why did he run off to Australia?
Come on.
Gonna give yourself a heart attack with all this hating.
Not hating, it's just...
You were given a gut.
Now you need to trust that fucking gut.
Because that, combined with a capacity for hard work,
is the only thing that you are going to need.
I thought he said he was finishing.
Or a PhD in Creativity.
So go, create!
Unbelievable.
- Do we really have to do this? - I want to. You can wait outside.
So I told you about Sam's thing that I'm going to tonight.
What is it?
Some painter's wife is having a fundraiser.
And you know how it is with Sam, she's a proper social butterfly.
So I'm essentially going to be on my own.
So I'm extending you an invitation.
Last night was heavy, man. I want to have an early night,
- get some sleep. - There'll be single women.
Sorry.
- Want to meet the big guy? - Yes.
Heiner, sorry, I want to introduce you to someone.
This Max Matshane, also in the English Department.
He does Creative Writing with the postgrads.
- Big fan. - I've heard that name.
Blossom of the Roses.
Yes.
I make it a point to seek out promising African writers.
Are you working on something?
I just want to say what an honor it is to be in the presence
of a literary giant.
Well, thanks.
This is a moment to behold. You've made us proud. Very proud.
- Shall I...? - Oh, please, yeah.
- Thanks, Clive. - Sure, Joel.
- Thank you. To Joel, yeah. - J...
"J-O..." I mean, yeah.
- Thank you. Good luck. - Thank you so much.
Thank you and I hope you enjoy your stay.
- No, I will. - Thank you very much.
Nice.
I'll see you. Thanks, Max, thanks for coming through.
Sorry.
You might want to wipe that poo off your lips, from all that ass-licking.
"I read your book.
You've made us proud."
What the hell? "You've made us proud."
Giving props to an African writer. Giving props where props are due.
But he... he read my book.
Hey.
Wow, babe. I really love Braam. We should get a place here and stay here.
I don't know.
I don't know. It's just...
I just hate the fact that just a few years ago,
white people were too scared to come out here,
and now they're out here overcharging us for steaks and real estate.
It's not right, man.
Why must you racialize everything? It's so unnecessary.
I racialize everything because I'm South African.
It's my culture. It's how I was made.
Sure, sure.
I think I have some change.
Twenty rand? No. Wait.
- Max. Just give it to him. - Are you crazy? No.
Why are you giving him 20 bucks? What's wrong with you?
You think you're helping but he'll buy glue with that money.
He's gonna buy tik and stuff like that.
Trust me. You're nice, we appreciate you, but there you are not helping.
[upbeat music playing]
- So this guy was given a black child. - What?
- Your wife cheated with a black guy? - No, no.
You remember how, before we got pregnant, we were going to adopt?
Well, that process continued and we didn't want to stop it.
You didn't want to stop it or you couldn't stop it?
No, we didn't want to stop it.
Really? I know how hard it was for you guys to get pregnant.
And did it not cross your mind, like, "We're having a proper white baby now.
We don't need this other one"?
- Why would you say that? - We're just talking. I'm just asking.
You know what, fuck you.
I'm going to hang with other people. Good luck with this asshole.
- No. Miles. - What's wrong with you?
- I think he took it a bit too personally.
- I mean... - But seriously though.
Seriously, why is it always that, like,
white people are always adopting black babies?
- So what? We must all stick to our own? - No, on the contrary,
I'm just looking out for all those impoverished white babies
that are always overlooked by billionaire celebrities
going for the babies of other cultures or other races.
- Vietnamese babies, Indian babies. - I think...
You'll find there's a long waiting list for white babies. I've looked into it.
Are you telling me that white babies are quite rare?
Impoverished white babies are like diamond babies.
What do you think of this place?
Too Joburg.
And I hate it when people ask you what you do
and as soon as they realize you don't make a million bucks a second,
you see their eyes drifting off. You know?
It's just... Do you know how many times I've had conversations that end abruptly,
as soon as I say I teach English?
Why don't you tell people you're a writer? It's a bit more sexy.
Because I haven't written in a long time. It feels like I'm an impostor.
Here's the thing. I'm having a good time. Please contain your negative vibes.
- Women can sense negative vibes. - What negative vibes?
These negative vibes. "I haven't written in a long time.
I teach English." Just keep it contained.
- All right. Okay. Cheers. - Okay?
Yeah?
You see, there. She looks like she's having a great time.
She's always having a great time.
It's none of my business, but I bet you have to keep her happy in bed.
- I never go down on women, but I bet you... - None of your business.
- It might become my business. - I wouldn't. Never.
So, this is my husband.
Your husband. I've heard so much about you. Max.
- What is it you do? - I'm a writer.
You have to meet my husband, he's an avid reader.
- You two would just hit it off. - I can imagine.
And this is Joel.
Hello, Joel. What is it that you do?
I'm an economist.
An economist, wow. Tell me more.
See? It's like rock, paper, scissors.
- Economist beats writer. - No, that's not true.
Look, listen.
- Do you want to have a joint? - You have one?
- What's he got? - Let's squeeze out.
Don't ask me. All number of books on things mathematical
I don't really care about.
But Joel, have you met everyone?
- Wow. - Let me give you the tour.
Macroeconomics?
YOLO.
What are you doing?
- No. - Alcoholic breath.
What... What right...
- Relax. Please let me handle this. - I think we should pay them.
I am not paying a bribe. I refuse.
Hey, I said I've got this.
It's fine, officer.
Sorry.
- Do you mind not shining that in my face? - Do you mind if I do my job?
Know the penalty for drinking and driving?
You can't arrest me for drunken driving without a breathalyzer.
Take him to the police station. Now.
- Can you give me your full name, please? - My full name?
Suzet?
What the fuck?
- Just go. - I said I'd handle it.
Go!
Fuck.
Serious bullshit.
[siren wailing]
[music playing]
[groans]
Good morning.
Babe, my head.
- What are you watching? - My brother's nonsense.
Can you believe this has eight million views?
What the hell?
Is that the new one?
Yeah, it's pretty out there, right?
Yeah I remember when I was the out there one in the family.
- You're still pretty out there. - Thanks.
Did we use a condom?
- I think so. We always use condoms. - What do you mean, you think so?
Because we're the condom tribe. The Durex shares are up because of us.
You do know it's pretty lame that we only bone when we're very drunk.
Because sober sex is overrated.
Sober sex...
We used to have great sober sex all the time.
But then we also had awesome drunk sex.
Really, was it "out there"? The sober sex?
- It was really out there. - Was it like "out there"?
"Out there" out there?
Sorry. Sorry.
But the truth is, I miss Johannesburg. I love this city.
I can remember going drinking, way back, with Grant Phiri.
No way, Grant Phiri, Grant Phiri? I used to work for his paper.
The same.
So we would stay there late night, way past the curfew.
And I would make sure that he was driving.
So if the cops stopped us, I'd say, "No, it's okay, he's my driver."
Don't know how we got away with it. We were driving this old Beetle.
- We're both totally drunk. - I cannot imagine Grant Phiri drunk.
- He's so, kind of, serious. - Seriously drunk.
So tell me, you've never really spoken about your reasons for leaving.
Am I gonna get lucky?
Well...
Look, I think it's a pity
that people see it as me deserting the country.
But in fact, it's true, partly.
I could never relax.
Always. The violence, the high walls, the uncertainty.
I can see at least one person who doesn't approve of my reasons.
Why don't you join us, Max.
- No, I wouldn't want to intrude. - You wouldn't be intruding at all.
Trust me. Since I've been here, everyone's been painfully nice.
No offense, Nicole. I'd appreciate some honesty.
Come on.
- Okay. - Excellent.
Think I can record him? Okay.
Max Matshane, Nicole.
- Hi. - Nice to meet you.
- I'm writing on post-colonial discourse. - I thought you were a journalist.
So, tell me some shit about myself. I'm a narcissistic sucker for punishment.
- Well, I couldn't help but overhear... - I know, I speak loud, sorry!
Look, I concede, I'm a hypocrite.
The problem is, everyone mistook me for a hero.
The work might have been heroic, but I can guarantee you
I was drunk and high on any number of substances during that time.
I lived a unique existence in this country but I lost a lot of friends here as well.
- So you kind of ran away. - I left.
- Ran away is the appropriate term. - I left fast.
- Okay? - There you go.
But I look around me now at even bigger idealists than methat stayed,
and they've abandoned everything.
They're busy raiding the public purse.
I still think that the world I wrote about in my first two novels
- can be achieved, but... - But you have none of it.
I love the good life.
Having sex with exotic women on foreign beaches,
wearing loose-fitting clothing that do not constrain my movement.
That's my thing.
So when freedom came, and instead of good times,
people started hacking each other with machetes,
- I thought to myself... - They can hack each other all they want.
I'm going to run away to Australia.
This place is going to the dogs.
I guess you could say that, yes.
Max, look at me. I'm a white guy.
I looked at myself, I thought, "I'm not gonna live forever."
I'm going to enjoy this whiteness. Plus, I'm rich and famous, so I can.
- Am I hearing this correctly? Seriously? - I'm gonna get me some white time.
- Hey, I was banned. - Yeah, don't we know that.
It must be nice. Fighting apartheid from privileged station.
- Must be awesome. Must be so cool. - Hey!
I was banned, buddy. That means it was illegal to be me.
- Well, welcome to the club, sir. - [Heiner laughs]
Who feels like a shooter? Bit of a round?
I can't fucking believe this guy.
You know, I feel like I know you so much better, Max.
Yes, and I still think you're an asshole.
I think I'm an asshole too.
Max, why are you so angry?
What does it matter what old white farts like me do with our lives?
You should be happy we're gone.
Look, all these people, different cultures, mingling.
This is what people fought for.
This is not a reflection of reality.
This is a very tiny speck of a very, very tiny speck of reality.
In real life, black people are dirt-poor and white people run everything.
I still recommend a violent revolution.
Please.
- I'm going to leave. That pisses me off. - It would.
Where you going to go, New Zealand? Bon voyage.
Yeah, okay.
Excuse me?
You've been getting the wrong idea. I am not that woman.
- I am so sorry. - I'm just playing with you.
You need to relax. Can we have one more shooter here?
Vladimir Matshane.
Max, you and me, we are kindred spirits, brother.
I look at you and I see myself.
Well, a younger, less successful, not quite as sexy...
It's that attitude.
[groans]
Oh, man.
What time did I get home? My head!
You spent 1,200 rand
at 2:30 in the morning at Kitcheners.
I'd love to know who you were with and how you got home.
I think I must have driven.
- I was with Heiner. - Heiner Miller?
- How is he? - He's fine.
No, I mean, like, how is he as a person?
1,200.
These bank SMS's are killing the mystique.
Now you'll never wonder if I'm in some seedy hotel room
being seduced by a youthful wench.
- You'll never know. - Babe.
You give yourself way too much credit.
How did I look? Do I look nice and thick?
Wait, is thick a good thing?
It is if you're interviewing Herbert Gwala.
- You had your youthful wench yesterday. - So this is a... Okay.
- Revenge. - No, not revenge.
I'm just going to earn back the money that you spent yesterday,
since we don't have much of it.
And make sure you drink that stuff. It's gonna make you feel better.
And by the way, today I'm taking the car.
You know what that means?
You'll be rolling with the masses on public transport.
That thing you're always talking about. That thing right there.
Fuck.
"Back in the good days, the bank had given him a loyalty card,
which he used to take her out on dates.
Now she was being repossessed.
The bank giveth and the bank taketh away."
That's as far as I've got. It's a work-in-progress.
Mr. Matshane?
- Max! - Yes, I'm here.
What I find strange is that
the whole thing is told from his perspective.
She's the one that's getting purchased. I'm assuming that she loves this guy.
Seeing him go through this strife. Why are we not hearing it from her side?
Because women never have a say. My sister is going through it right now.
My uncles are demanding 100,000 rand
from a guy who started working two months ago. Gonna be in debt forever.
And she will be forever at home raising the kids.
Or they could just decide to not get married in this outdated way.
They love each other. It's free to get married.
Unless of course your uncles are murderous types
that are going to punish them for breaking the rules
by chopping them up and burying them in the garden.
- You'd be surprised. - Oh, really?
The Mogale uncles are...
- Okay. - This is how things are done in Africa.
There you have it. Mr. Edwards, ladies and gentlemen.
The expert on Africa. That's our man there.
You would know about the Aka tribe from the DRC.
Anybody know the Aka tribe from DRC?
They are the only tribe on the planet where gender roles are interchangeable.
Women go out hunting
while the men do the cooking, look after the kids.
They even let the kids suck on their nipples as pacifiers.
That's also how things are done in Africa. But you knew this, of course.
Thank you very much. Let's reconvene another time.
Have a good day.
Hey.
Hey. What's up?
- Are you up for a joyride? - I don't know what a joyride is.
I'm so tired after last night.
Come on. Try it. We'll have another crushingly good night.
No, I couldn't.
- Max, it'll be the highlight of your week. - No.
No, I have so many commitments today.
- Really? - Yeah. It's just...
Come on, you can't leave me alone. I'm an old man.
Help an old man, would you? Come for a joyride with me.
I'll give you a blowjob.
I'm afraid the answer's gonna have to be no. Thank you, though.
[birds chirping]
- [horse blowing] - Beautiful girl. Hello.
- Hi. - How are you?
- I'm so sorry I'm late. - It's all right...
Jackie, I don't know, she was a bit temperamental.
- Did she spook or something? - I think so.
That's my car.
Sorry about that again. Were they taking care of you inside?
Bottom line is: we need more wealthy black people.
I've invested millions in black-owned businesses, you know?
And from time to time, I do cool things,
like teach poor black people how to ride horses.
So, does that justify what your accusers call
the rampant looting of government contracts,
your relationship with the President?
Forbes reports your current wealth at over 600 million dollars,
while most black South Africans are living below the breadline.
How do you reconcile that?
Well...
I must say, you are a very hot-looking lady.
Very hot indeed.
Actually, sizzling hot to be exact.
- Is it? - You know, how about you stay longer?
We can discuss these questions, let's say... over dinner?
My wives are very chilled.
- They will actually love you. - You're a charming man,
and thank you for the compliment,
but if we could just stick on this. Let's not digress.
As I said before, we can try.
Unless you can put a bag over your head
to cover that beauty because it sure is distracting.
Want to check if we're recording.
- Would you rather do this over the phone? - I'm being flippant here.
I apologize. Please accept my apology. Please.
- So, can we continue? - Yes, let's continue.
Why did you bring me here?
Check out my old stomping ground. Where did you grow up?
Rustenburg.
Small town boy.
I read your novel again.
You're actually pretty talented.
- Thanks. - If you're working on something,
I could pass it on to my publishers in London.
- If you want. - Yes, I'd appreciate that.
Yeah, see? That's the nonsense right there.
- Where? - Now Soweto is like a zoo
for wealthy white foreigners to come and see the natives.
- Come on, man. - Max, you must relax.
- That's my baby. - There she is.
It feels like three seconds. My God, you're so beautiful.
This is a very promising young writer, Max Matshane.
And this is the love of ages, Ma Thuli.
- Honored to meet you. - Pleased to meet you.
Enough about him. Now what about me? Show me. Talk to me.
[laughing]
What have we got?
- You look very hungry, I think I'll... - [growling]
Oh, thank you. Yes, please.
Oh, come on, for fuck sakes! You want to play or fuck around?
- No, they're fucking around. - It's okay.
Don't fucking tell me it's a fucking game.
He's wasting my fucking time.
Look like shit, bro. Maybe we should forfeit.
No. [gasps]
We play. We play.
[racket hitting court]
Sorry, guys.
Like, really?
It was a work-related...
outing.
He was, you know,
telling me about London publishers he's linking me up with. It's...
You don't have an idea for a book yet. Explain why you're looking at publishers.
Do you realize that you've been drunk every single day this week?
Should I be worried?
Hey, look at me.
- Should I be worried? - I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Okay.
- Sorry. - It's okay.
You're clearly better.
Yes.
Can you come to the poetry evening tonight?
It would be great if we spent some time together. Not get drunk.
- I don't like her poetry, I'm sorry. - We've got to support her, that's it.
Gonna have another drunken night with your best friend?
- Is that what you're going to do? - I just want to chill.
You said it, I've been drunk every night for the past week.
I really want to just chill.
Would just be nice if you made some effort now and again, but...
Hey.
If you really want me to go to this thing tonight,
I'll be there, okay.
I love you.
What? No. Who holds a book launch this early in the day?
Is it a children's book?
I need support here. I'm thoroughly outnumbered.
Excuse me. Good evening.
No, I really can't.
Come on, Max. Have a couple of drinks.
Arm yourself with some small talk for the book launch.
"Sorry I'm late, I've just come from Heiner Miller's place."
- No, I can't. - What?
Get here.
Oh, no, brother. Not between these thighs.
Because my mind has no fright.
I don't fear your fists because I have seen the pits.
I'm not yours to break.
My soul will never be your bread.
Died and burnt to ashes.
Reborn and saved by new passions.
Max. Welcome to my humble abode. Do not speak, put that inside you.
Very humble.
These are my very close friends whom I've met this evening.
I'm not sure if I should be here. Some of these kids are in my class.
Max, don't be conservative.
Give them access to your mind. Water their seeds of knowledge.
Mingle. Go, get busy.
In fact, this.
[rap music playing]
- How dare you stand there without a drink. - Thank you.
Cheers.
You never read my manuscript.
Actually, I did. And I was pleasantly surprised.
- Really? - There's quite a lot going on in there.
- So you don't think I'm a chump? - A little bit.
- Come on, you really liked it? - I did.
I'm still reading it, but I'm enjoying it.
Not just saying that so I'll sleep with you?
Excuse me?
Relax, Max. Come.
Hello.
Easy there, Shay. Leave some for me.
- There you go. - No, I don't...
- You don't take Charlie? - No Charlie.
- So you've never done any drugs? - Well, weed. And...
Weed, yeah.
That is so cute.
Here, think of it as an education from your students.
No.
- Hey, man, come on. - Just try it.
Nobody's watching. Trust me.
- They all left. - Try it.
You cannot compare Hitler to Shaka Zulu. No, no, no.
Hitler was a weak little man, a damaged individual,
whereas Shaka Zulu was a conqueror akin to someone like Genghis Khan.
He had a whole nation named after him. It is supposed to do this to my gums?
Just think about it for a second.
The reason that Shaka went around impaling people
- is because he was gay. - No, no, no.
Young lady, you cannot keep saying that my king is gay.
That is grounds for heavy punishment.
- You cannot say shit like that. - What will you do? Impale her?
- That's funny. - Please do.
What, no. You're funny as well.
You guys, watch out for the traffic cops.
- Bye, girls. - Traffic cop season.
They'll be fine.
- And I also... I must also get... - No, you can't leave.
Party isn't over. I'm digging your company.
I too have dug your company.
Thank you for the drugs, and the great company, but I have to go.
Max, you are not serious.
[sniffs]
Shit.
[sighs]
- Your keys. - Yeah.
Gonna need those.
I am a phoenix. Phoenix!
Phoenix.
[whispering]
[laughing]
I try to... With microfinance, you've gotta find the human element.
That's what's missing. I try to bring that to it.
- Hey, guys. - Hey.
So, what did you think?
- Did you like it? - She really hates men.
Come on. Hate is a bit of a strong word.
- I thought it was interesting. - Are you coming to drinks afterwards?
No, I've got an early one.
Yeah, me too.
- Oh, okay. - Where's your other half?
- Let's do tea or something next week. - Tea?
- Okay. - Nice to see you.
Nice to see you too. Joel?
- Bye. - Bye.
[whispering continues]
Don't worry.
Is everything okay?
- Do I not do it for you? - No, you totally...
You totally do it for me. Okay, I'll be back.
Just give me a second.
- I can help you. - No, it's good. I'm fine.
- Maybe you just need some more time. - I'm good.
- I'm sure I can help you. - It's fine.
Ah, man.
[woman screaming]
What the fuck?
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.
- What now? What's going on? - Is he gonna be okay?
- I think he had a heart attack. - Heiner! Do you know what he took?
- We don't know. - Call an ambulance!
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
- Do something. Shit. - Oh, my God!
[Sirens]
[machine beeping]
If he's gonna go home tomorrow, he'll need full-time care.
- Does he have family in Johannesburg? - I... I don't think so, no.
- Gonna have to contact the university. - No, I'll do that.
I'm going on a detox.
- How was the book launch? - It was fine.
And...
- You're fine with him staying with us... - I've already said it's fine.
Okay.
Waiter, can we get the bill please?
Oh.
So we're done. Good to know.
I just assumed that... We can stay if you want.
No. You've already decided we're leaving.
I'm just a mere mortal. The decision can be undone.
Waiter, on second thought, can we please have two more coffees?
Now you just assume I want coffee.
- What? Okay, waiter... - No, it's fine, we'll have coffee.
It's in your culture to decide for women what they want.
- Jesus Christ. - I can't even pick my own drink.
- I will have the damn coffee. - I'm sorry.
- What are you sorry for? - For being a patriarchal bastard.
- Maybe. - Look who's here.
- Well, thank you.
- Oh, hey. - Oh, hi.
I seem to be bumping into everyone this morning. It's like...
- the new hotspot. - That's crazy.
I was just coming to buy some plants for my house. And then...
And I was taking a walk.
- Where were you last night? - Long story.
So.
- It was lovely bumping into you. - Yeah.
I'm going to get on with my plant shopping.
And I will call you later.
- Nice. - Bye.
Bye.
You guys look great and...
You know, you gotta let the feet move.
Bye, Joel.
What's going on?
- I think those two are dating. - Isn't she married?
- Yes. - No.
Call me.
I hope you guys like chili because I love chili.
- We love chili. - We love spicy food.
I want to say, I'm really grateful for letting me intrude in your house.
- You're not intruding. - You're not intruding at all.
What's the world coming to?
You have one isolated case of Viagra-induced cardiac arrest
and they want to put you in an old-age home.
I noticed you guys don't have kids. Is that the plan?
Not that you have to.
But it's kind of the norm for people your age.
We're planning to have kids. At least one, right?
Excuse me.
- Did you ever get married or have kids? - No kids. My career took over.
- Before I knew it, I was over the hill. - You're not over the hill.
You're on the hill looking down on all of us.
I feel like I'm gonna be under the hill soon.
- But you were in love at least, right? - Yeah.
I was in a long relationship once with a guy I met at Varsity.
No.
Then I met my first wife. Shame. Broke his heart.
- Then she broke mine. - Talk about bucking the trend.
It's all in my book, Ongeluk. Except I changed him into a black woman.
I figured, South African audience at that time
wouldn't be able to digest a gay love story.
But an interracial love story was even worse.
I didn't know that about the book and I've read it twice.
That's interesting.
- Twice? - I didn't know that.
You all right?
Fine. Just have this pain that's been there for a week.
- Show me. - Under the blade.
- Great, stand up straight. - Okay.
This Cambodian monk told me this pressure point. There?
Yeah. A bit harder.
[clears throat] I think the soup is ready.
That's much better, actually.
You just have to uncork another bottle of wine
and I will regale you with tales of my misadventures.
I think we've had enough wine for many nights.
It might be too dangerous with your medication.
You're right, it would be very dangerous. Lucky I haven't taken any of the pills.
I guess we'll have more wine.
- Drink! - Are you crazy?
You know...
I haven't almost died for quite a while.
And the last time, it was intentional.
- Everybody was doing it. - What do you mean?
This time...
it's different. It's because I'm getting old.
- No, it's because you party too hard. - Too hard for what?
For my age. You can say it.
So, you and Max were talking about Viagra.
[clears throat]
The snoring lion awakes.
Look at his face.
Hello, baby.
[laughing]
- What time is it? - What did you say?
Come on.
Sam, come on.
No.
Baby, he said I have crazy hair.
Hey!
You know if those students squeal, you could lose your job.
Two words: Lennox Papo.
You live some other kind of life. He's staying with you now?
- Aren't you going to Cape Town soon? - Yep.
- Your wife's cool with this? - It would seem so.
At least you can say you had a literary giant stay.
Use it in conversation. Tell me about the girl.
I don't know, man. I think I should tell Sam about it.
I'm so wrecked with guilt. I'm not used to this.
- I don't know. - No.
Bad idea. Leave your wife out of it. Nothing happened.
[sighs]
- It will probably hurt her as well, right? - Exactly.
You don't want that.
Okay, you're right.
The one and only time I took cocaine, it had the opposite effect.
- Really? - Yeah.
I was going all night. Thought my heart would explode.
Are you familiar with "crushing pussy"?
I get the picture, yes.
Sorry to be so raw, but that's an apt description.
It's the collision between two people.
- It's like... - I get it. I get it, thanks.
Max, Sam, let's just understand the difference
between these two policies.
Disability cover.
You're covered if you're physically incapacitated.
You'll be looked after.
Life cover on the other side.
God forbid, one of you should die,
your loved ones will be looked after.
All right.
All we need are the names of the beneficiaries for now.
This is hectic.
Obviously, I'll put Sam.
- If anything happens to me. - Naturally. That's good.
Sam?
Um...
I'd like to put my brother Joey down.
- Joey? - Joey, yeah.
Wait, wait.
If anything happens to me, you benefit, but if something happens to you,
God forbid,
your brother takes everything. How is that fair?
It's not unusual. It's not about fairness.
It's about your needs. Your beneficiary's needs.
Really? We could discuss this somewhere else.
- Not here. - It's happening now, right?
- This is what's happening. - Fine.
But you know my brother's wheelchair-bound.
Wheelchair-bound. And if something happens to me,
I don't know who's going to take care of him.
Open another life policy for each other.
Your brother's been milking this wheelchair-bound crap for decades.
With all due respect, he's able-bodied when it comes to drinking whisky.
- Right? Yeah. - Really?
- He's always playing the victim.
If he was in your shoes...
Sorry, he can't be in shoes. He doesn't have legs.
- I take that back. Sorry. - You know what?
Sir, I'm so sorry, but I never thought this middle-class bullshit was for me.
Handle it with him. Handle his life.
There's no policy on how to deal with your wife.
- Yo, man, let's calm down. Hey! - Whatever.
Sam.
- I can wait. Shall I wait? - Can we do this later?
Let's get the account details and the signatures, so on the phone,
- you can just give me the name. - Dude.
Sam.
- Sam. - Just leave me alone.
- Let's talk. - Fuck off, Max!
- I'm sorry. - You're a dick.
Yes.
I'm a dick.
So.
What about a nightcap?
No, I'm exhausted and my back is killing me. I need to lie down.
Me too. And I've got a flight in the morning.
Oh, shit, that's tomorrow?
- Should I take you to the airport? - It's fine. I'll ask Joel.
- It's fine. - No, it's fine, I'll take you.
- Sure? - I just said I'll take you.
Maybe...
Maybe it's a good time for me to head back.
Maybe it's not proper for me to be around while you're away.
You're probably right. I don't want to burden her with...
Are you cool with him staying?
Because you've got to go to work and I'm not gonna be around.
Gee...
I don't mind. But... what did the doctor say?
You've got a point. Don't want to leave a man in his state...
- Yeah. - ...unattended.
Excellent, it's settled then. So... who's gonna join me in a drink? Come!
You can't leave an old man to drink alone.
There's nothing to think of but sorrows when you drink alone.
How about not drinking at all? Have you tried that maybe?
Don't be ridiculous. Come on, just one glass.
Just one little, itty bitty...
Okay, just one glass.
- What about you, Mr. Matshane? - No, I'd fall asleep. I'm going to bed.
Babe, I'll see you after your one glass.
- Are you sure? - Positive.
- How do you feel about life insurance? - I hate the smell of those companies.
[groaning]
Fuck!
[groaning]
Hey!
- It's three o'clock in the morning. - Yes.
Soon it'll be four o'clock and then five and then six o'clock.
You know what they say, YOLO.
Baby, you should come here.
- Give him a massage! - Got a flight in the morning, remember?
The airport, yeah.
Just wait.
Thank you. Baby, I'm coming to take you to the airport.
[groans]
Baby?
[Sam mimicking Max]
[laughing]
He's a cutie pie.
- Stop it, dude. - I'm not a dude.
Listen. I'm every woman
It's all in... See, I'm not a dude.
- Maximilian. - Sam, stop it.
- I just want Maximus. - No.
Okay.
Switch off the light.
[sighs]
Hey, so...
I have a slight problem I might need your advice on.
Look, I don't wanna talk right now. Got quite a bit on my mind, okay?
What? When will you want to talk?
I'm only fetching you because I need someone to listen to my problem.
I also need someone to listen to my problem. It's not going to work.
When did you get this problem?
It must be a new problem, which came after my problem.
- Do you think Heiner would fuck my wife? - Woah.
That's a big problem.
- [engine starts] - [Max sighs]
What the hell was I thinking? Bringing a guy like that into my house.
It's like bringing a wolf into a...
into my house.
Actually, I don't care that he's got heart problems.
He's moving out.
He's out. [sighs]
So what's your problem?
Well, I'm sort of seeing this woman.
- Go on. - Who is sort of married.
- Sort of married or married? - Married.
And?
She's hinting that she wants to leave her husband for me.
What? Tabitha wants to leave her husband for you?
- Who said it was Tabitha? - Oh, shit.
Talking to your wife?
- Fuck. - Everybody's seen you.
The hat, the jacket, you were very clearly out on a date.
[Monsieur Bon Bon playing]
Do you mind turning that music off for a bit?
[birds chirping]
Everybody is so excited about your talk tomorrow.
I'm just so passionate about...
I'm fascinated by creators and thinkers who are shaping our continent.
Have you heard of Monsieur Bon Bon?
He is one of the most amazing cultural commentators.
- I'll be sure to check him out. - You should.
Postmodern, post-colonial.
Post-apartheid. Yes.
Mr. Tim.
Such a pleasure having you here.
We really are looking forward to the talk tomorrow.
- Gonna be a hell of a crowd. - I'm really looking forward to it.
- Good. - Thank you for having me.
- Good to see you. - Great.
Everybody's looking forward to my talk. It's the talk of the town, baby.
Yep.
Yeah, I'm still hungover. I didn't even go to work.
So...
Yeah. I just... One can't say no to this guy. It's crazy.
I can talk to him. Let me talk to him. He must go.
No, no, no. It's fine. I can handle him. I can figure it out.
And anyway, tonight I've got... I've got a lot of work to do today so...
I'll make sure he takes his pills and I'll have an early night.
All right.
My problem is that everyone wants me to be a grown-up.
It's like everyone is forcing me to be a certain kind of grown-up.
My mother wants me to grow up. My colleagues want me to.
Even my therapist is telling me to!
- You're in therapy? - Everyone is. Aren't you?
No, babe. Not in therapy.
But it's okay. Which one do you like?
You choose.
Another thing is this whole Johannesburg situation. I think...
I think I'm over it.
I can't be in this world anymore.
- Thank you. - Thank you, bye.
I want to just pack my bags and go figure it out.
Then go and figure it out.
- When you look at Heiner's life. - Yes, tell me more about the Heiner.
Look.
A congregation. Let's go check it out.
I don't understand what the problem is. I thought you felt the same.
- I do. - Then what's the problem?
Hi!
We have to stop bumping into each other like this.
- Is everything okay? - Yeah.
Hay fever. Yeah.
I have to go. Joel, it was lovely to see you. Goodbye.
Bye, guys. Good to see you.
Joel?
Huh?
- Is she okay? - [Joel mumbles]
- Joel? - Hay fever.
- Let's not interrupt the congregation. - We'll be down the road having drinks.
- Feel free to join if you want to. - Okay, later, later.
Sorry.
I got carried away and all emotional. It won't happen again.
And I will see you...
tomorrow, and maybe...
we should go away for a weekend together.
Okay, bye.
But the thing is... you're married.
The day the city of Cape Town put an embargo on black people...
What's going on?
This is Cape Town. I don't understand your beef.
Cape Town has always been like this.
You're not in the trenches of Soweto in that Joburg of yours.
Now you're acting all cool here. This is how you live in Johannesburg.
The only black guy in here is the waiter.
- Come on. - I get what you mean.
I was thinking of moving to Joburg. I like it.
I'm planning the move in my mind. I just have to convince...
- Tracy, yeah. - Yeah, convince...
- Do you guys need anything from the bar? - Thank you.
I should be fine.
She knows.
What's going on? Are you and Tracy happy? Is everything okay?
Me and Tracy are happy.
We couldn't be happier.
You're cheating. Are you what they call a "blesser"?
I don't like your tone.
You're supposed to be my friend and now you're judgey.
I'll tell you why I sound judgmental,
because just over two months ago I was best man at your wedding.
And now I find myself mid-cheek. So...
- Yeah. - If you remember that wedding,
I promised my wife that I would make her happy for eternity.
- You call my wife right now. - No.
Ask her if she's happy. She will tell you she's happy.
That's all that really matters.
- I'll take your word for it. - We're happy.
We cook together. We travel together. We have sex every day.
- The other day we had a threesome. - Okay.
A ménage à trois.
Are you telling me that Tracy is fine with you cheating?
I'm saying Tracy is happy
with a husband who makes her happy.
- Happy is the key word here. - Are you not in love with her?
The thing is with me, I've got too much love.
The cup runneth over with love. There's love all over the floor.
What do you want me to do? Do you want to throw it away?
No, I've gotta give it to others.
I'm taking this love from the floor
and giving it to other people because I don't want to waste it.
That's all you need to understand.
Herbert Gwala, come on, four wives.
Happiest guy on Earth. Every time you see him, he's jolly,
- he's laughing, good times. - I need the loo.
Go to the loo, think about it. Right now, you're overreacting.
Hey, waiter. Can I order from you?
Fuck off.
Mr. Heiner Miller, how are you feeling today?
I'm much better. In fact, I've come for a quick coffee with the girls.
- The girls? - Your wife and Laz.
Listen, how are the lectures going?
I'm only starting tomorrow.
Give them hell, kiddo! We'll chat soon.
Hey, baby, how are you?
Nice. Who you with?
I'm with Laz in Melville, catching up after work.
She wanted to talk through some things.
Just the two of you?
Just the two of us but we are in Melville, so anything can happen.
More drinking. I thought you were having an early night?
No, not judging. Just don't drink and drive, okay?
I love you too, babe. See you later.
Okay, bye.
Let's drink.
Fuck.
Hey, man.
- I need a favor. - No.
No, no, no. That's not going to work.
[sighs]
Let me get this straight. You left a guy with your wife at home.
Together, just chilling.
That's like leaving a colonialist with all your treasures.
You Africans don't learn. You Africans with your African ways.
Listen, I don't want to be disrespectful to your wife.
She's lovely, but that dude is going to colonize that ass.
Are you not forgetting somebody?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey, how are you?
There's a colony being built.
Hey.
I was just walking back to my car, decided to have one more drink.
- Great, why don't you just have a seat. - Thanks. Excuse me.
Do you have a BlackBerry charger?
Now, you see? There is my point illustrated.
The man has to have his phone charged.
Are we not too dependent on these machines? And you.
You cannot go two minutes without touching your phones.
We're dependent.
- Pinky promise I will not look at it. - I'll hold you to that.
- And who still uses a BlackBerry? - That's not nice.
- Are you wearing a different shirt? - No.
- You're wearing a different shirt. - No.
- He's wearing a different shirt. - Enough.
Can we put a drink in front of this man?
And put your phone away, we just spoke about it.
- A drink. - Help us, it's dry!
This is Joel Sabiti, leave a message.
Come on, why is your phone off?
Look, the person is married.
Are you ready to be that guy and break a happy home?
No. That's why I'm trying to break this off. But she won't let up.
Wait. How happy can the home be
if she's finding carnal pleasures in another man's bed?
Heiner, are you advocating adultery?
I'm not advocating anything. It's too late, the deed is done.
But these are grown people. Does she have children?
- But that doesn't matter. - Was the sex good?
- Yeah, the sex is good. - Do you have another life?
A cat's got nine lives. Do you have another?
Of course not.
I'm not saying go out to hurt people, but you have free will. So does she.
Free willy.
It's only society that tells us this is wrong.
And society tends to be wrong on a lot of things.
So, live life with no rules?
- Just like animals? - More or less, yeah.
- Have you ever slept with a married woman? - More than once.
You're so corrupt.
Would you let the love of your life go just because she's married?
Generally, that's how it's supposed to go. You're a man of literature.
You don't just go around fucking other people's wives.
- People get killed for this. - You just did.
I know and I regret it.
- Did she give you that shirt? - Really?
- I did not know... - Excuse me.
- Are you Joel Sab...? - Sabiti?
Sure. There's a phone call for you.
I love your work.
Hey, Joel Sabiti. Please do get me a new t-shirt on your way back.
- Jokes. - Thank you.
[clears throat]
- Hello? - Hey, man. What the hell?
Shit, sorry. My phone died.
- What's the vibe? - The vibe is great.
The vibe between the old man and my wife.
Oh, yeah. I don't think they've shagged yet. No.
But do they look like they want to shag?
It's kind of hard to tell. I mean, the old man...
I get the feeling that he doesn't mind boning her.
And my wife?
You know your wife. She's very friendly.
- You don't have anything to worry about. - Is she drinking?
We're all pretty wasted, you know. Wine. Tequila.
Fuck.
Listen, I need you to do me another favor. I need you to sleep at my house.
What? No. That's crazy.
Please. Go home with them, sleep at my house.
Say that you're too drunk to drive.
- Just... - I'm already too drunk to drive.
- Plus my house is close to here. - Please.
You know what you need? You need to relax.
This is crazy.
He's probably...
- Welcome back. So who was that? - Guess.
No. Why is she acting so crazy?
[gasps]
[exhales]
Hello, Mr. Tim?
Yes, it's Max Matshane here.
Listen, Mr. Tim, I'm so sorry to do this to you,
but something really urgent came up, and I need to get back to Joburg.
I'm so sorry to do this to you, Mr. Tim.
Hey.
What's up with the 2 a.m. call? You okay?
I've been trying to call you all morning. Your phone's been off.
Yeah, I was in my lecture.
Excuse me.
Babe...
Did you perhaps withdraw two grand from the account this morning?
Yeah, I stupidly did my laundry at the hotel and...
they charged me out of my ass.
Should've seen the fight I had with the manager.
Two grand?
For laundry? How much did you do?
It was a five star place. You know they like to milk the tourists.
But don't worry, I'll replace it.
Okay, so...
need me to pick you up? You're back tomorrow, right?
Or the day after?
No, don't worry. I'll take the train.
Okay, then. I love you. Bye.
Laundry.
I wouldn't suggest going into the black areas like Soweto,
but if you really want to go, I can organize you a guide.
He's one of my guys, he's a black guy, so you should be safe.
Okay? I'll speak to you guys later. All right, see you.
[alarm ringing]
Fuck.
[zap]
[alarm rings]
[coughs]
[groans]
Control. Sierra Charlie. Can you please give me a code 11, quickly?
[chattering over police radio]
Yes, hello, ma'am. Could you please open up for me.
I forgot my key in my room last night.
No, I’m sorry sir, I don’t know you.
But I paid for a room. What the fuck?
Ma'am. Please. I paid for a fucking room.
Hey! Fuck!
Fuck.
[rings buzzer]
You look like shit.
What's going on? Your wife was worried.
Been calling me every hour. She called the hotel in Cape Town.
What's going on?
Can I have some water please?
Somebody tried to break into your house. Better call your wife.
Relax. It was me who tried to break in.
What? Why?
[sighs]
I just wanted to catch them red-handed.
- I know, I'm an asshole. - Yeah.
Why?
'Cause people are cheating out there. Why wouldn't they be cheating?
It's a cheat-athon. Even you're involved in the cheating.
No. Tabitha's the one cheating. I'm just participating.
In the cheating.
But as a participant. Why didn't you just come here last night?
- Because you're a big mouth. - No fucking way. I can keep a secret.
No, you can't.
Can't.
I'm scared, man.
I'm scared I'm going to lose her.
I'm terrified.
Come. Come.
Come.
Yeah.
You know, let's get you cleaned up. You can call your wife. Yeah?
Let's put some soap, some water...
You'll feel like a new man.
Shower. Soap.
Yeah, I think maybe I'll leave the two of you alone.
She's my friend. You're both my friends.
[sighs]
I can explain.
Then do it.
So, what were you going to do?
If you'd found us.
I don't know.
Pop a Glock in your ass?
You do realize this is serious?
We clearly have trust issues.
Do I come across as somebody who doesn't love you?
Max?
This isn't a game.
Are you serious? You...
I don't know. What am I supposed to think?
You know?
I spent time with this guy. He's fucking everything that moves.
I bring him into my house. Next thing, you're enjoying every hour with him.
What am I supposed to think? He almost died from fucking people.
What were you doing?
While he was fucking people.
Did you just sit there and watch TV?
Max, what were you doing?
So what, it never crossed your mind?
That's if you haven't fucked him already.
Are you listening to yourself right now?
You know what? I can't do this right now.
We need some time.
For a while.
[Sam sobs]
We're married.
Max. Where have you been, Matshane? Jesus.
We were worried sick about you.
- I'm fine. Do you have a moment? - Yeah, sure. Can I catch you later?
Okay, then.
So, have you started work on the book?
No, I'm sort of trying to figure out what to...
what to write about. You know.
You know, Max, the path of the writer is a lonely one.
[laughs]
I don't think you want to talk to me about the book, do you?
I know what it is you want to tell me.
You want to tell me that I overstayed my welcome.
And I'm sorry for that, Max.
I don't think I can ever repay you and your wife for your hospitality.
I just needed the company.
It's fine. That's fine. I just want to ask you a question, but...
I don't know how to put this. [grunts]
Did you get intimate with my wife?
Well, of course. I got intimate with you.
I've been intimate with my colleagues. I'm an intimate man.
Come on. You know what I mean.
- No, Max. Why don't you spell it out? - Okay, fine.
Did you fuck my wife?
This is the problem with your generation. You're obsessed with sex.
It makes you lose sight of the important things.
- You love your wife, yes? - Yes. A lot.
And I can tell you with surety that she loves you.
When you're an old man and you feel as strongly as you do now,
what do you think it's gonna matter who she fucked in her 30s?
Look, it's a simple question. Did you or did you not fuck my wife?
- It's a closure thing for me. - Max.
I would never do that to someone I considered a friend.
You have been nothing but kind to me.
And yet, you still seem uneasy.
Hang on. Wait a minute.
You know, I'm pretty old. My memory's a bit...
- Maybe I did fuck your wife. - [Max exhales]
Now you're angry. Now you want to kill me. For what?
For words.
You believed me when I said I didn't. Now you believe me when I said I did.
- Did you do it or did you not? - It doesn't matter.
She said she didn't. I said I didn't.
You don't want it to have happened. So choose that.
It's a very simple choice you have.
You are letting your ego get in the way of your life.
You know your wife.
Do you seriously think she would fuck me?
Obviously you think she would because we're having this conversation.
I'm flattered but...
Look at this. This is a beautiful moment.
To watch another man confront a man and say, "Did you fuck my wife?"
This is fucking primal. This is real.
You, my friend, are alive right now and so am I.
Is this a joke to you? Is this some sort of philosophical prank?
- This is my fucking life. - Yeah, so don't screw it up.
Know what? I see the beginnings of a beautiful story here.
Can't wait to read it.
[Heiner groans]
- Fuck, I'm sorry. - Fuck.
- Shit, sorry. I'm so sorry. - What's wrong with you, man?
You have this condescending voice. I got worked up.
- Jesus Christ. - Are you okay?
I'm okay, I'm okay. Have you got a mirror? Can you give me a show?
Look at that, man. Max!
I'm sorry. I just got overwhelmed by your condescending tone.
- I'm sorry. - What the hell?
- You didn't leave the spoons, right? - No, I packed all of that stuff.
That'd be too much.
Yeah.
I'm gonna miss this place.
Hey, it's not forever, right?
What's the story with travel arrangements?
So, let me show you.
Check this out.
Bureau Chief Asia.
Based in Shanghai. Tokyo's around the corner.
"I hope you choke on that fucking Tokyo." What?
- Haters are gonna hate. - I'm proud of you. Bring it in.
- So what are you going to do? - Yeah.
Heiner didn't press charges. So I'm grateful to him.
And the university still won't let me on the premises.
But understandably so. Can't blame them really.
- At least now you'll get time to write. - Yeah.
Yes. Finally got rid of gainful employment and a regular paycheck.
- That's awesome. - You'll make a plan. You always do.
That's what your mama said.
Thanks.
So...
Are you going to be cool with your stuff?
Yeah, Sophie's gonna be here any time now.
All right. Guess this is it then.
- Yeah. - Skype and write letters.
Emails. Postcards.
I'm going to miss that.
- Bye, Max. - Yo, actually...
I've got two tickets to Monsieur Bon Bon's concert.
I know you love him.
I happen to know him personally. You know, special tickets. Golden Square.
- Golden Circle. - Yeah, that one.
Those are hard to come by.