Hi-Ho, Silver!
Diana, come here!
What does the Lone Ranger want?
Turn off the sun, darling. I've had enough vitamin D.
I wonder.
Men are really mysterious creatures, Yvonne.
Yes, Mrs. Kendrick, all of them.
My husband is a perfectly normal man in other respects,
but he has the delusion he gets younger every time he beats himself up.
Oh, good heavens. Bart? Bart!
- Yeah! - Hurry. It's late!
I'm nearly finished. Just taking the last jump!
- Ready, darling? - Just a minute.
Anything in this novel?
Oh, you couldn't publish it, dear-
- It's much too grim and earnest. - You're too tough a critic, Diane.
Oh, lucky for you.
You know if it weren't for me, you'd lose your shirt.
Oh, I agree.
Fix your tie.
Now why, Diane?
Why do you have this pink mirror? You can't get a good look at yourself in it.
Ah, but you can see what you want to see.
Any woman looking into that mirror sees a young girl of 16 looking back at her.
It's a nice idea, but it's hardly realistic.
Oh, but it's such a comfort not to be realistic.
Just before I go out, the last thing I do
is to take a look in my pink mirror, and there I am-
Young, fresh, and glowing.
That's the way I think of myself all evening.
Women are really mysterious creatures, Yvonne.
Yes, Mr. Kendrick, all of them.
I think New York's rather a nice little city.
It has its points, especially in the spring.
There's always a sense of excitement. You feel anything can happen.
Anything can. Yet, somehow, it's safe, too.
You like safety, don't you?
Yes, I do. Don't you?
Well, I'm not so sure. It might be dull.
Possibly.
Hello there, you two.
Hello, Arnold.
I'm not late, am I, Diane?
You're never late, Arnold. It's your only virtue.
Oh, not at all. I also never do card tricks.
- Good night, dear. - Good night.
Have a nice evening.
Thank you, darling. The same to you and many of them.
- Isn't she looking marvelous? - Never better.
- Can we give you a lift? - No, thanks, old man. You go along.
You mustn't keep my wife waiting.
I never do. Good night, Bart. Nice to see you.
Nice to see you. Good-bye.
Good night, dear.
Good night, darling.
Taxi!
Your husband's much too broad-minded.
You shouldd be the last one to complain about that.
Husbands ought to be jealous.
It's the traditional thing.
Bart and I don't believe in tradition.
Ours is a modern marriage.
You poor dear.
But I like my marriage. It's just the way I want it.
You lie, thank goodness.
I do not.
Bart and I have a perfect understanding.
What do you mean, uh-huh? - I mean uh-huh.
Whenever I hear a wife boasting about how modern her marriage is,
I say, to myself that is, uh-huh.
Her husband's straying off the reservation.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
- Evening. - Good evening.
- Good evening.
Don't announce me tonight. I want this to be a surprise.
- Surprise? - He wants to give her a real surprise,
he'd stay away one night.
Good evening.
I don't want Miss Jones to know that I'm here.
Oh, Bart.
It's charming.
I thought you two would like each other.
She was born in Vienna, too,
and I'm madly in love with her.
When did it happen?
The moment I saw her.
So quickly?
I knew as soon as I looked at her.
May I?
That's the way it should happen. At first sight.
- Isn't it, Johnny? - Yes.
And that's the way it did happen.
We met, and I smiled at her.
And she smiled back. She knew, too.
- Oh, did she? - You know she did.
Do you think she knows I never want her to leave me?
Yes, Bart, she knows.
I want her to stay with me forever and ever, Johnny.
- That's a long time. - Too long?
We can make it forever, Johnny, if you want it that way.
You know I want it that way, but I want to be sure.
Of what?
I want to be sure that our happiness
doesn't mean that somebody else will be unhappy.
I promise you, it isn't like that.
- No one will be hurt? - No one. I've told you.
Oh, Bart, I'm so happy, I think I cry a little.
Don't you think you better wait till after dinner?
- Shall I? - You'll find it much more satisfactory.
All right. I'll go and get my things.
Don't mind me, Frieda.
It's just that I'm so crazy about those old Viennese waltzes.
I want to see Miss Janns, Miss Johanna Janns.
- You have made a mistake. I'm sorry. - No. Miss Janns made the mistake.
I'm very sorry, but there is no Miss Janns here.
Ok, Miss Jones, then, if she likes it better that way.
Tell her it's official- Department of Immigration.
Or maybe you guessed that already.
- But I tell you, there is no- - I'll come in and have
a little look around anyway, if you don't mind.
Johnny, they found you.
They have?
A man from the immigration department's talking to Frieda.
Well, I tried to think it wouldn't happen, but I knew it would.
I can't let you go. They can't send you back.
They have to. My temporary passport was up 3 months ago.
If only I could do something...
Darling, you've done so much already.
You made me live again.
You almost made me forget about being afraid.
I am afraid now.
Don't, Johnny. Don't.
I won't.
I know, Frieda. I'll be right out.
I'll come in with you.
Promise you won't say anything?
- I don't want you to get into trouble. - I promise.
You wanted to see me?
- I do if you're Miss Janns. - Jones. It's more American.
Well, I'll say this much for you.
You certainly picked a tough name to pin down.
- I tried hard. - I tried harder.
And you won. I'm sorry.
I guess you like it here, don't you?
You don't ask somebody in heaven if they like the place.
Yeah, I see.
Well, anyway, they want to see you down at the department in the morning.
I'll be there. When do they say I must leave?
Whenever the first boat goes.
Will you take a little tip?
Don't go on the duck again.
Hide out, I mean. It won't do you any good.
I understand.
Ok. I guess that settles it.
Yes, I guess that settles it.
Wait a minute, inspector.
Bart, please.
Miss Jones can't go back. Don't you understand? She can't go back.
- Why not? - Because of her father.
What's the matter with him?
He was- they have a word for it over there- liquidated.
Oh, murdered, like we say it over here.
What for?
- Because he stood up for what he believed in. -Yeah?
Well, you got to be for a guy like that.
Anything happen to her?
No, but it will if she goes back.
Say, what do you do for a living?
Oh, I'm a publisher-Books.
Oh, is that so?
I could give you some stories for your books, about some people I meet up with.
Yeah, I can imagine that.
Seems to me like this case right here ought to interest you.
What do you mean?
I kind of liked the way she kept her chin up in there.
Of course, I had to do it, but
you got to like people that can take it like she did.
Yes. She has to be able to take it,
to be able to face what she's going to face if she goes back.
Yeah.
Come on in here a minute.
Excuse me, Miss, but maybe I got an out for you.
What?
I said, maybe there's a way you can stay here.
A way I can stay here?
This is strictly off the record, of course, but
if you got married to an American citizen-
Not that I got anybody in particular in mind-
then you could get a quota number, and you could stay here.
- You see what I mean? - Yes. Yes, I see.
But at your department in the morning, what will they say?
Oh, that's so, isn't it?
You've been pretty tough to find anyway, so I just didn't find you yet.
In fact, I think it'll be about another week before I'll be able to find you.
By that time, you ought to be all set.
But I can't get married in a week.
Well, Miss, if you can't,
then the boys in this country must be slipping.
What about it, Mister?
You're very kind, inspector, but-
Oh, well, maybe I'm a chump.
Well, the smart boys never have any fun-
Anyway, not this kind of fun.
It's good of you to try to help me.
Why, Miss, it was more like a pleasure.
Well, I got this thing started. You take it up from here, mac. So long.
I feel so helpless, Johnny.
Don't talk that way, Bart.
It isn't your fault. It isn't anybody's fault.
I can't lose you now, Johnny. I can't.
Don't think about it, Bart.
Think of the time we have left-
A whole week together.
Just tonight, we said it would be forever and ever...
And now, it's only a week.
Johnny, please.
We'll work it out some way, I promise you.
No, Bart, we can't.
You know it, and I know it.
What are we going to do?
We are going to take what's left to us.
Why, we haven't even a minute to waste in being sad.
Come on, let's hurry.
- Where shall we go? - I don't care
just so that there are people and music and we can be gay.
- Taxi, sir? - Yep.
I'm sorry, Bart. I can't.
I thought I could, but I can't. Forgive me.
Tell me what you want to do, Johnny. I'll understand.
I want to walk by myself, very fast and very far
so I'll come back too tired to think.
But it looks like it might rain.
Bart, I want to. I have to, please.
All right, Johnny. I'll call you in the morning.
Thank you. Good night.
Good night.
Good night, Mr. Kendrick.
Could you spare a few coins for a coffee?
Could you spare me the price of a cup of coffee?
- What? - So help me, I haven't had
a bite to eat since yesterday.
Thank you, lady.
Hey, what are you-
Could you spare me the price of a coffee, please?
Could you spare me the price of a cup of coffee, Mister?
So help me, I haven't had a bite to eat-
Save it. You're in the wrong street.
Sorry, Mister. You'll do most anything when you're hungry.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Come here.
Are you really hungry?
I ain't kidding, Mister. Not a bite since yesterday.
All right. Here, this dime's the bankroll.
If your stomach's really up against your ribs, I'll split it with you.
Save your money, Mister. Times ain't that tough.
No? Well, they might be.
Is this yours?
No, no. Go ahead.
$45 Billion.
45 Billion. How are we ever going to pay it?
45 Billion is a lot of dough, Mister.
- It ain't exactly alfalfa. - No, I'll say it ain't.
And do you know what they've done already with that excess profits tax?
Not personally, no.
Well, what do you think of it?
It's an outrage.
It's been keeping me awake nights.
You got a cigarette, Mister?
No, I quit smoking.
Oh, yeah? Nerves, huh?
Yeah. Yeah.
How long you been off them?
2:00 this afternoon.
Oh, it's like that.
Come on. It makes you feel better.
Uh, I got it.
Well, thanks.
What's your racket, buddy?
I'm a genius.
Who?
A genius. Unknown, of course.
No kidding?
Do you draw pictures- Swell dames?
No. I play tunes on the typewriter.
Nobody listens.
Do you ever go on the bum?
Once I did it.
Yeah? How'd you do?
Well, I got a cigarette.
You could do it if you wanted to.
You could be a swell bum.
I'm the type?
It's like everything else.
All you got to do is make up your mind and stick to it.
Then you're it.
Whatever you pick out, you can't miss.
To be a bum, you got to have willpower.
I ain't kidding, Mister.
30 years ago, I made up my mind,
and I done all right, too.
Look.
What has he got on me?
A limousine.
And stomach ulcers.
There may be something in what you say.
Well, good luck.
Wait a minute, brother.
Could you use a buck?
You save your money, Mister. Times ain't that tough.
No? Well, they could be.
Looks as though they will be.
So long.
It's too bad.
He could be a swell bum if he only had the willpower.
Oh, hello. Back again.
Kind of wet, isn't it?
Kind of chilly, too.
- What'll it be, lady? - Coffee. Black, please.
You practically got it right now.
There you are, but watch it. So strong, it almost threw me.
Well, what do you see that's good?
I can't make up my mind.
Make a wish. You can't win.
Ok. Hey, what happened?
What happened to what?
That dime I put right there. It was the last one I had, too.
Ok, pal, I'll laugh.
Did you see it?
I laughed once. Ain't that enough?
Look, did you take it?
You did take it. I saw you.
So you're in on it too, huh?
What is it, a frame-up?
- Now, listen- - No, you listen.
That was a tip, my tip, and I'm gonna keep it.
You can't do that. He put it there. I saw him.
You heard what the lady said. Hand it over here.
You gonna make me?
Yeah, I'm gonna make you.
You and what army?
Well, I'll show you.
Wait a minute. The guy took my dime.
The whistle, on the counter.
Please don't.
Go on, beat it, will you?
Stop, please. Give me that whistle.
Did you whistle for a taxi, lady?
Uh, yes. Yes. Wait a minute, will you?
If I ask him to let you go,
will you promise not to make any trouble?
Ok. All right.
You heard what he said.
- Now, come on. - Where?
Come on.
Uh-uh. You promised.
Where to, lady?
Oh, anywhere. Just away from here.
How do you do?
My name's Smith.
My name is Jones.
Seems to be an evening of coincidences.
I see. Smith and Jones, and I'm Snow White.
Well, you want to go anyplace in particular,
or are we just making a tour of Manhattan?
Where do you live?
Down near Sheridan Square. Why?
Alone?
Yeah.
You mean, you haven't any, uh...
No, I haven't any...
And that was really your last dime?
Yeah, that's right.
Well, if that was really your last dime,
and you really haven't any, uh...
then I want to go to your house.
Well...
By all means, drop in.
I'd be delighted to see you.
So would I, Mister. So would I.
Mr. Smith, it's such a wonderful thing.
What?
That you haven't any money.
And I thought I'd heard everything.
Sheridan Square, northwest corner.
And step on it. I got you.
And s...
- How much? - Dollar and a half.
Oh. Here.
Well, if you insist.
Well, this is it.
It's, uh... it's very nice.
Well, it's just a little place,
but it's dreary.
You want to browse among my books,
the pawnshop's just around the corner.
Ah, that's too bad.
Oh, I rather like it this way. It gives me a lot more room here.
Like to sit down?
Here, I'll take your things.
Our motto is, the guest is always right.
I want you to feel perfectly at home.
We'll have a little fire.
Nothing like a nice, open fire, I always say.
Do you?
Yeah, I-Always.
Yeah, pine logs and curling flames,
a faithful dog, nice white bearskin rug,
a little woman to fetch your slippers...
- Nothing like it. - I'm sure there isn't.
Would you like to have something to drink?
Some nice, warm beer?
No, thank you.
Cigarette?
Why, yes, I would-Oh.
Out. Sorry.
Oh, thank you.
Like some music? I could open the window
and get the radio from across the street.
No, thank you.
Well, I guess that takes care of the formalities.
What do you mean by doing a thing like that?
Well, you ought to know. It was your idea to come up here.
Shame on you.
Shame on me?
Yes, shame on you for saying such a thing.
For saying what? Say, what kind of a gag is this?
You come up h-
Hey, you aren't on one of those treasure hunts, are you?
Treasure hunts?
Well, then, what did you come up here for, anyway?
I came here to ask you to marry me.
Mind if I have some of that beer?
No.
Excuse me.
Now, would you mind saying that again really slowly?
I came here to ask you to marry me.
Why?
Because you have no money.
Oh, well, this is so sudden.
I was afraid you wouldn't understand.
Yeah, yeah. Well, I see your point.
You see, I have to have a husband, and you said you weren't married, so...
Miss Jones, a wife is just what I don't need.
But you do need money, and I thought we could trade.
Then I'll have a husband, and you'll have money.
Do you see?
No.
Well, it is kind of hard to explain.
What do you have to have a husband for in the first place?
Unless I can marry an American citizen right away,
I'll be sent back to...
to what used to be Austria.
Oh, I see.
Well, I thought I had troubles.
I suppose it was a crazy idea,
but I thought we could make a bargain.
You see, I still have some money my father left me and
the only way I can stay in this country is
to marry somebody like you.
Maybe we can figure out some other way.
After all, that's really my job.
- What do you do? - I'm a writer.
When I think up a story and get somebody in trouble,
I try and figure out some way to get them out of it.
- So you're a writer. -Yeah! Yeah!
Here, I'll prove it to you-
Rejection slips from all over. I play no favorites.
My stories have been turned down everywhere.
Well, fun trying, anyway.
Well, aren't you going to keep on trying?
Uh, no, Miss Jones. You see
there are little things like eating and paying the rent,
getting your shoes patched keep cropping up so
I'm afraid literature will have to do without me.
Well, don't you see: if you really want to keep on writing,
you could have the money to do it.
That would be my part of the bargain.
Your part would be to marry me.
Oh, no.
No, no. That's out.
What?
Me taking money from you. No, I'm very sorry.
All right.
Wait a minute, what's the matter?
Well, there is no use talking to you. You are just not practical.
Oh, I'm not practical.
Give me one good reason why we couldn't make a business agreement.
I could give you two good reasons: I'm a man, you're a woman.
That has nothing to do with it. Go ahead. Give me one good reason.
Well, you're...
I dare you!
All right. Ok.
Go on, sit down there.
Go on! Sit down over there!
You dare me, huh?
All right. Here, make a list.
A list? What for?
You want to get married, don't you, or do you?
Yes, even to you!
All right. Practical, huh? I'll show you who's practical.
All right, my rent is $7.00 a week.
- Put it down right there. - Why?
I want to find out how much it costs me to live.
- You don't know? - No. Yes, I...
Huh! Practical!
Never mind about that. Put it down. $7.00 a week. You got it?
- $7.00. - All right. Laundry, a buck.
Laundry, a buck. A buck?
A dollar, a dollar.
Food, $5.00.
But that's not enough.
It's enough for me. I'm no capitalist.
Let's see, now.
Oh, razor blades and typewriter paper
and toothpaste and soap and envelopes.
Put that all under incidentals. $5.00.
$5.00 for all that?
All right, make it 4.50.
- But I mean- - 4.50. Put it down!
And that's all.
What about carfare?
I'm not going anywhere.
Oh, cigarettes. 30 cents a day is-
30 cents a week. I'll roll my own.
All right, add it up. See what it comes to.
$17.80.
Call it $18.
Call it $17.80.
All right. I'll bring you a check for it every week.
You'll give me a check for it every week.
All right, I'll keep a record of this.
As soon as I click, I'll pay you back every nickel of it, ok?
Ok.
Shake?
Shake.
All right.
Now I'll take care of my end of the bargain. Know what you'll do
- tomorrow morning at 10:00? - No.
Go down to City Hall and get a license. Want me to pick you up?
No, no. I'll meet you there.
- Don't want me to know where you live? - It isn't important, is it?
Oh, no, no, I guess it's not important.
What's the matter?
Oh, nothing. I'm just thinking of the number of stories I've had rejected.
I've never written one as funny as this.
Two people that never saw each other before,
and they're just about to get married and promise to love, honor, and obey.
Uh, but with us, you understand that...
Oh, yeah, I understand.
Out the window, all of it.
No love, no honor, no obey.
- Now, I'll call you a taxi. - No, no, no. Good night.
Well, look, I-
No love.
Without Love.
Might make a pretty good title for a story.
Yeah, what does she do the rest of the week?
I'll bet she doesn't do anything the rest of the week.
Is that so?
What do you know about what she does?
Well, I-
Well, after all, I'm married to her.
Sure, sure.
Married for two months and you don't know where your wife lives.
Oh, you're doing great, you're...
Well, you can't rush these things. You got to give the girl a little time.
Give her a little time. That's all she needs.
Then maybe she'll come twice a week.
Then maybe they'll start getting acquainted.
Stop kidding yourself.
Why shouldn't they get acquainted?
After all, she's in a strange country. She's probably lonely.
Yeah, she's lonely, see?
I'll bet she's lonely right now.
Lonely, eh?
You know, I didn't think it was possible.
- What? - That you could be lovelier tonight
than you were last night.
Maybe your flowers helped.
They're luckier than I am.
They don't have to leave you at the end of a dance.
How's the duck coming, Max?
In a minute, it will be finished.
Thank you.
A minute can be a long time.
I find that out all day long while we're away from each other.
But we're together now.
I still can't believe it that you're here and you're safe,
and you won't be sent away.
It's true, every word of it.
How did you do it, Johnny?
Bart, you asked me that question 100 times.
Yeah, and you gave me the same answer 99 times.
I'll make it 100 now. It's a secret.
I'm not so sure that I like secrets.
Bart, you promised not to talk about this anymore.
I'm sorry, but it's always at the back of my mind.
But it won't have to be there much longer.
I've come to a decision, Johnny,
A decision that was very difficult for me to make.
I'm going to ask my wife for a divorce.
Are you sure you want to do it?
Sure. We can be married in less than two months, Johnny.
Oh, Bart, not that soon.
Why? What's so astonishing about that?
I thought that divorce takes an awfully long time-
A year or something like that.
Oh, no, it's only 6 weeks in Reno.
- But it is awfully soon. - Oh, now. Say, what is this?
Bart, I can't marry you.
Why not?
Because...
Monsieur.
Because why?
Because I'm married already.
Monsieur!
Johnny!
My duck!
Oh, hello.
Quite a surprise. You're a day early.
- I couldn't wait. - Really?
Oh, I'm sorry. I keep this-
Excuse me. I'll be with you in a minute.
It's very nice of you to pay me this extra visit.
Well, it isn't really an extra visit.
It's just instead of my regular day.
Oh, I see.
I, uh...
I brought you your check.
Well, you can put it on the mantel. That's the usual place, I believe.
Is it?
Yes, and you can make it $1 a week less from now on.
I'm doing my own washing.
Oh, but that isn't nec-
Make it $1 a week less.
Very well.
- Are you angry at me? - No, no, certainly not.
I don't want you to be angry at me, especially today.
You don't?
No. You see, I...
Well, I was hoping we could have a little talk today.
Really? Well, I'd sort of like that, too.
Here, can I take your coat?
You have on some new kind of perfume, haven't you?
No, it's just the kind I always use.
Seems sort of different today.
No, it's just the same.
Have you been working hard, Bill?
Oh, wait! I'll show you something.
Without love.
They're all in there, Johnny, all the things I want to say to you
that I can't say now.
No, Bill, you mustn't say them now.
But if this is good, I'll have the right to say them,
And I will say them, Johnny.
But, Bill, I...
I think I must go now.
- I'll come another day. - Don't go, Johnny.
- I must. - But just 5 minutes
out of a week- Couldn't you give me that?
Bill, I...
You know, you must realize it's hard for me to say things, too.
But you said you wanted to talk.
Do you really want me to say what I came to say?
Yes, I do.
Well, it's this.
I want you to give me a divorce right away.
A divorce?
Please, Bill.
This is sort of like a revolving door-
Marriage on one side, divorce on the other,
and I'm in the middle.
I'm sorry.
But you said I should say it.
I did not.
You said I should tell you what I said was so hard to say.
Well, I thought you were going to say something else.
What?
Oh, never mind. Never mind.
Now it is said.
It would make me very happy if you do it.
You certainly pick up American customs quickly.
We meet one night and and you say, "how do you do?
My name is Jones. Will you marry me?"
So we get married, and then you say,
"How do you do? My name is Smith. Will you give me a divorce?"
I don't know.
How do you know a divorce will make you happy?
I think it will.
Is there somebody else?
Yes.
Well, I guess there's nothing more for me to say.
All right, Johnny, I'll give you a divorce anytime you want it.
Thank you, Bill.
Don't thank me. We made a bargain.
We lived up to it, both of us.
Now it's all over, huh?
All right, good-bye.
Good-bye, Bill.
- Hi, Jerry. - Hiya, Bill. The usual?
Yeah.
There you are.
Just get up?
No, I stayed up.
Banging away all night, eh?
Do any good for yourself?
It's one word right after the other.
By the way, I was telling me old lady about the thing,
and she's nuts about it. - Aw, don't kid me, now, Jerry.
Take it or leave it, she's nuts about it.
Only she says like I do, you got to get them together.
How's about it? Are they married yet, on the square?
Nope.
Well, what's keeping them?
- The girl. - You're never going to get no place
if you let her act like that.
- Yeah, I found that out. - I'm talking to you as an expert.
22 years now, I had the same old lady, and we got 8 kids.
Hey, you are an expert.
Look, you got to put some pants on that guy, or the thing's no good.
Well, it better be good.
Bill, if you just get them together, you can't miss.
Now, get yourself some sleep.
Yeah! Get them together, and we'd all get some sleep!
Hello?
Oh, hello, Diane.
You found what?
I don't believe it!
But I mean it, Bart. This man is terribly good.
Of course, the book is still unfinished,
but the first few chapters show a definite new talent.
It's called "Without Love".
Don't you like that?
It's about a beautiful Viennese refugee
who marries a young man that she's never seen before
so that she can stay in this country.
It's about what?!
Did you say a beautiful Viennese refugee?
Yes, dear. She's in love with another man, an older man.
He's in love with her, too.
Who did you say wrote this story?
A man named William Smith. He really can write, Bart.
Of course, the story itself is very improbable.
I'm sure you'll think so, too.
Oh, yes, very improbable.
It couldn't possibly happen.
William Smith.
Yes. And I think you ought to see him right away.
I'll say I want to see him right away!
Mr. William Smith to see you.
Oh, send him in.
Mr. William Smith.
How do you do, Mr. Kendrick?
How do you do, Mr. Smith?
I'm very glad to meet you, sir.
I've been looking forward to meeting you, too.
- Thank you, sir. - Not at all.
I see. Short, rather fat, and bald.
I beg your pardon, sir? - Oh, nothing, nothing!
They told me that... That is, I...
Won't you sit down, Mr. Smith?
Thank you, sir.
I was very surprised at your wire, Mr. Kendrick.
I was very surprised when I read your manuscript, Mr. Smith.
- Are you really interested in it? - Definitely.
That certainly is good news to me.
Tell me, Mr. Smith,
strictly as an author to a publisher,
where did you get the idea for your book?
For the heroine, I mean?
Well, she just sort of came to me.
I mean, it just sort of came to me.
Oh, it just sort of came to you. I see.
Rather lucky to have something like that just come to you.
Yes, yes, I am.
It's rather unusual. First novels are generally formed on experience.
Oh, no, no, this is nothing like that, no, sir.
This is a story I just made up, that's all.
All the characters are just out of your imagination then?
Well, yes. Yes, they are.
The boy and the girl and the other man.
Yes, sir.
That's remarkable.
By the way, your characterization of the other man is a little confused.
Yes. Yes, it is.
Actually, that character has given me a lot of trouble.
I'm planning to get rid of him before the end of the story, though.
Oh, you are?
I see no reason for that, Mr. Smith.
He seems to me to be of distinct importance to the scheme.
After all, there's nothing to keep him from getting the girl except-
Mrs. Kendrick.
Oh, I'm sorry, dear. I didn't know you were busy.
Oh, that's all right.
Oh, excuse me!
My wife, Mr. Smith.
Mr. William Smith.
How do you do, Mr. William Smith?
How do you do, Mrs. Kendrick?
We both have her to thank for bringing this to my attention.
Yes, I think it is absolutely fascinating.
Thank you very much.
Of course it's a little outside probability,
but you've done it so well that you make it seem absolutely real.
- Don't you agree, Bart? - Yes. It certainly seems real.
I'm very anxious to know about the ending.
Yes, I'm rather anxious about that myself.
Well, there are really only two possible ways to end it.
They get a divorce, and the boy never sees her again or
they stay married, and the other man never sees her again.
Which ending do you prefer, Mr. Smith?
Well, I'm a country boy.
- The happy ending. - Yes, that's what I'd like to see.
Oh, I don't agree.
The modern novel has simply got to have a realistic ending.
The girl must divorce this-
kid and marry the other man.
What makes you think she'd do that?
I know what she's like.
I mean, I understand the character.
She's a beautiful, charming,
intelligent young girl,
isn't she, Mr. Smith?
She certainly is. I mean, the way I see her.
Exactly.
You don't think an intelligent girl would
throw herself away on a penniless young nobody?
Now, just a minute, Mr. Kendrick.
Just because a fella is a nobody now
doesn't mean that he's always gonna be one,
and I don't think she'd be happy with this other man.
Well, I do. I see him perfectly-
An attractive, cultured, distinguished man of the world,
not a callow boy.
But definitely not old! No, no.
As a matter of fact, he's approaching the best years of his life.
And in addition, he has money, security, and position.
Naturally, the girl's in love with him.
No. No, not this girl.
And why not?
Well, she just isn't in love with some old stuffed shirt.
Who's an old stuffed shirt?
Of course, yes.
No. This girl wouldn't do anything like that.
She wouldn't throw herself away
to some doddering old ape just because he was rich.
You don't think this young hick she's got herself mixed up with
is any catch, do you?
He's not got any money of his own and
he takes money from a woman!
There's a fine, upstanding character for you!
Don't you worry about that character, Mr. Kendrick.
He's going to pay back every nickel of that money he owes her.
He's going to be all right.
- Don't worry about him. - You think so, do you?
- Let me tell you something! - Please, Bart!
There isn't anything
that can't be discussed without shouting like this.
- I'm sorry, dear. - Yes, I'm very sorry.
The way this story turns out is very important to me.
Of course it is.
It seems to be rather important to my husband, too.
Well, after all, Diana,
a story we're considering publishing is very close to me.
Naturally.
You mean you're going to publish it?
Oh, but of course he is.
Haven't you given Mr. Smith his advance check yet?
As a matter of fact, I haven't.
I wanted to get this matter of the ending cleaned up first.
I think the matter of the end is entirely Mr. Smith's affair,
if you know what I mean.
Now, there you are. Go right ahead.
No, wait a minute.
Go on. The sooner he gets the money, the sooner he can work out the ending.
That's the wrong line, dear.
Yes. S-M-I-T-H.
- 100- - No, make it
500.
500 dollars.
There you are, Mr. Smith.
That for me?
Yes.
That should be an incentive for you to go right ahead.
It certainly is, and it's much more than that,
because now I can really work things out for that happy ending.
Thank you very much, Mrs. Kendrick,
Mr. Kendrick, thank you, sir.
Will you excuse me for running off like this?
but I have something very important I want to do.
Oh, here it is.
Why do you take this so hard, Bart?
After all, it's only a story.
Story?
Or is it your biography?
You know?
After listening to you for 3 minutes.
You're rather transparent, you know, Bart.
They say love does that to people.
You are in love with her, aren't you?
Yes, I am.
Is she in love with you?
Yes, I think so.
You thought so until you saw her husband.
Now you're not so sure, are you?
Of course I'm sure.
And you want a divorce, don't you?
A divorce?
Well, don't you?
Yes, I suppose I do,
but I haven't wanted to ask you for one.
Now you don't have to, Bart, because I'll give it to you-
Only not until you're absolutely sure that she loves you.
You see, it isn't just you and she.
There's William Smith.
He's her husband, and he ought to have a sporting chance
for his happiness, too.
At least, I think so.
You know, after all, I'm in this, too.
I like my life with you.
As a matter of fact, I like you.
And I'm not going to give you up unless there's a darn good reason.
But the day that you're sure that she loves you for keeps,
I promise you that I'll step aside without a word.
You're swell, Diana.
No, I'm not, darling. I'm just sensible.
I'm not going to take this thing seriously
unless it turns out that I really have to.
Good-bye, darling.
- There you are. - Thank you.
- Well, good luck. - Thank you.
I'll keep an eye on the car for you.
That's all right. Plenty more where that came from.
First door on your right, sir.
- Hello, Bill. - Hello.
- Come in. - That's the idea.
Well, you have quite a place here.
Wow! Not bad. Not bad at all.
A piano. Well.
Can you play the piano? I can.
What are you looking so surprised about? You expected me today, didn't you?
Well, yes, I-I did.
I got a letter asking me to call, sign my divorce papers.
Yes.
What are you surprised about, then?
Well, it's just that you seem so different today.
Well, I am different,
and this is what makes me so different-
10 weeks at 17.80 a week, and it's all there, Johnny, every penny of it.
And now, we're even.
- What's happened? - Nothing much.
I just happened to sell a little novel, I dashed off in a spare moment.
Oh, but that's wonderful!
It certainly means a good bit to me.
Oh, that reminds me. You'd better start getting packed.
- Packed? For what? - Our trip. We're going away.
You and I are going away?
Bill, you've lost your mind. I'm not going anywhere with you.
Oh, you're not, huh?
You want a divorce, don't you?
- You know I do. - Ok. No trip, no divorce.
- But, Bill- - Now, you listen to me.
It's perfectly all right for a couple of strangers to get married but
they've got to know each other before they get a divorce.
What do you know about me?
I'm just a tramp that's been living off you. At least, I was.
Now you're going for a trip up to my neck of the woods.
For how long?
Well, it's not very far Take a couple of hours to get there.
Why must I pack, then?
Well, the road will be dusty. You'll want to fix up.
You'll want to dress for dinner,
There's a pal of mine up there that makes the most...
- terrific... - But this isn't part of our bargain.
That bargain was all over the minute I paid you back.
I'm making a new one. I told you the terms. Now come on, get packed.
I won't do it.
All right, I'll do it for you.
Oh, no, you won't.
Don't!
Stop it, Bill!
You leave my things alone!
You might as well cooperate. You're holding up your own divorce.
Ah, that's better.
There. That's that.
You want this?
This?
No!
No. All right.
Might as well pack them anyway.
There you are.
You... you're horrible!
Ah, it's because you don't know me.
- That's why we have to get acquainted. - Oh, no, we won't.
Oh, no, no, now. No use calling for help.
You know, no trip, no divorce.
That's much better.
You want to pack these?
Give me that.
Well, what do you know about that?
There... stupid!
Gee, you're beautiful.
Well, here, try this one.
That's fine. All set? There you are.
Now, Mr. And Mrs. William Smith are leaving town.
Gee whiz, this is wonderful,
to be driving through the country in the spring...
with your wife.
How does it feel to you?
- Yes. - Yes.
I knew you'd feel differently after you hit the open road,
but this is nothing, Johnny. You ain't seen nothing yet.
- No? - No.
The crickets croon you to sleep, and the birds wake you up...
at 6 o'clock in the morning.
Morning? You said we were coming home tonight.
No, I didn't, Johnny.
Where are we going?
Well, you'll see. You'll see.
And if you still want to come home tonight, why, you can.
Promise?
Oh, yes. Yes, I promise.
Why are we stopping here?
I always stop here on my honeymoons.
Come on.
All right, Bill. I'm coming.
Oh, you'll love this place, Johnny.
I think I will.
Now you're talking.
Why, it's William Smith.
Hiya, Bill.
- Hello, Buck. Glad to see you. - Glad to see you, Bill.
- We miss you around here. - Well, thanks. Nice to be back.
Bill?
I left my bag in the car. Will you-
Oh, sure. Sure.
Pardon me, please. Where is the telephone?
Pocahontas.
Thank you.
Hello? I want to get New York, please.
What'll it be, Bill?
Two of the best, Buck.
Coming up.
Yes, Mr. Kendrick. It's very important.
Hello?
Oh, Johnny.
I've been trying to get you all afternoon
To tell you that everything's all cleared up.
My wife's been wonderful about it.
We can get married just as soon as we can get a divorce.
Listen to me. He has taken me away - William Smith.
What?
What did you do it for?
You did it for me?
Oh, Johnny, that's terrible.
Where are you?
I'll come there right away.
Where are you?
Yes. Yes.
Yes. I'll come there right away.
Hurry, Bart, please.
Here's your purse, Johnny.
- Thank you. - Now, come on and be amazed.
- Where are we going? - Just over here.
Johnny, this is Buck. Buck, meet Johnny.
- Hiya, Johnny. - Here, drink up.
No, thank you.
Come on. It's good for what ails you. Come on.
No. I don't drink, really.
Wait a minute. It's apple cider. Buck makes it himself.
- Wouldn't hurt a baby. - Go on, Johnny.
Is it nice?
You see? Good, isn't it?
Here. To Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Oh, boy, that's good. Here you are, Buck.
Nothing doing.
If it's Mr. And Mrs. Smith, it's on the house.
Is it?
Never can tell. Thanks for the drink, Buck.
Come on, Johnny, let's go.
Go where?
Oh, back to the car.
Come on. So long, Buck.
So long. Good luck.
They look so peaceful.
Well, they're going home.
It's lovely here.
I'm glad you like it, Johnny, because this is it.
Grandma always puts me in my place.
Wait here a minute, will you, Johnny?
Well, here's your prodigal grandson. I've come back.
And high time, too.
Hair combed?
Yes, yes.
Hands clean?
Well... look at that. Yes.
Not bad.
Good enough for a kiss, anyway.
Keep a secret, Willie?
Cross my heart.
Missed you. I hate to say it, but I did.
- That's good enough for a kiss. - Stop it.
Where are your manners, keeping that pretty girl sitting out there like that?
Oh, forgot all about it. Wait. Johnny?
Johnny, I want you to meet my grandmother.
How do you do?
I brought you up to introduce people better than that.
Oh, yes. This is... Miss Jones,
Johnny for short.
That's better. Sit down, Miss Jones, there, where I can see you.
Thank you.
Pretty, aren't you?
Never mind me.
When you get old, time's too precious to waste.
People are pretty, you tell them so.
And you're pretty.
I've been wanting to say that for weeks.
Can't imagine why you didn't.
"What fools these mortals be"
Who, me?
No. That's what my sampler says.
Oh, how lovely.
Oh, you'll see them all over the house.
I like to make them. Keeps me out of mischief.
You know about Satan and idle hands, don't you?
Oh, yes. I've heard about them both.
Well, that's why I keep busy.
Wouldn't you like to come inside and freshen up before supper?
Why, yes. I'd love to.
- The baggage in the car? - Yeah, I'll get it.
- Did I tell you that I liked you? - No, but I wish you would.
Well, I won't waste any more time about it. I do.
What a lovely house!
I'm glad you like it. I'm pretty used to it myself.
- Would you like to look in here? - May I?
Houses are like people, don't you think?
Either they're your kind, or they're not.
I know.
And I feel at home here right away.
That's the real test.
You made this sampler, too?
I warned you. You can't avoid them in this house.
Some people call them proverbs. I call them common sense.
After all, time does heal all wounds.
- Does it? - No arguing about it.
There's no arguing with any of the old sayings.
I guess that's why they are old,
because they tell the truth, and the truth lasts.
Perhaps you haven't had any reason to doubt the truth of that.
Your life out here must have always been so pleasant.
There isn't a woman in the world who hasn't had reason to
to doubt sometimes.
A baby born dead,
a young husband killed by a falling tree,
a flood that covers your fields
and makes you go hungry for a year.
Those things happened to you?
Part of living is meeting tragedy and rising above it.
A woman doesn't amount to anything unless she can do it.
Takes a long while to learn that that's true.
Thank you for telling me.
Well, now you'll want to go to your room.
If Willie's brought your things-
They're right here, Grandma.
Show Johnny the guest room. Your room's still waiting for you.
- We'll have supper soon. - Good. We're hungry.
If we'd known you were coming, we'd have had a real meal for you.
Still, pretty sure you won't starve.
Charlie Gebhardt?
Here, ma'am.
This is Miss Jones. Charlie Gebhardt.
- Pleased to meet you. - How do you do?
Tell Martha we're ready, will you, Charlie?
Yes, ma'am.
Charlie's the best hired man in the state.
Anything you want, just ask Charlie. He'll do it for you.
All right, Martha.
Had a talk with Willie yet?
Oh, we managed to pass the time of day.
Give us grateful hearts, Our Father, for all thy mercies,
and make us mindful of the needs of others.
Through Jesus Christ Our Lord, amen.
Hello, Martha.
Willie.
Miss Jones, Martha.
She might stay awhile if she likes your cooking.
We'll try and fatten her up.
Don't you worry about fattening her up.
She's all right the way she is.
Martha eats her own cooking, as you can see.
You could stand a little filling out yourself.
Oh, no, no. I've been on a diet.
Diet!
Well, we can start.
Begin a meal with a good blessing, Johnny.
Finish it with a good brandy,
and then you've got something.
What kind of brandy is this?
Blackberry, specialty of Grandma's.
Blackberries will do a lot for you
If you just squeeze them and then leave them alone.
Works the same way with the womenfolks.
Charlie Gebhardt!
I was just thinking out loud, ma'am.
I was not asleep.
Willie, Johnny, where are you?
We're right here, Grandma.
Why didn't you say so?
There's something I wanted to tell you.
What was it?
Oh, yes. Comes back to me now.
My new sampler. Remember?
Oh, yeah. "What fools these mortals be"
Reminds me of you, Willie.
I wouldn't doubt it.
You are a fool, not that you're the only one.
Plenty of others do the same thing.
Well, what do us fools do?
Boys like you, country boys, grow up on the farm,
and the land gives them strength and happiness.
Then they throw it all away to run off to the city.
What makes them do it, Willie?
Ambition, I guess.
Ambition.
All the rest of their lives, they have only one ambition:
to make money enough to buy a farm.
Most of them don't-
don't ever get back the happiness they had to start with.
There was a time when I used to stay up tillthe moon set
on a night like this. But not any more.
Sit still. I can still get up and down without the help of young folks.
The simple things are all that counts, Johnny-
some seed for good ground,
rain and sun to bring them up,
wood for a fire when the snow comes,
a night like this,
some good neighbors, of course-
just plain people with common decency, loyalty, honesty.
Nothing else counts.
Well, good night, Johnny.
Good night.
No need to be a fool, Willie. Just make up your mind.
Good night.
Good night, Grandma.
Do you like it here, Johnny?
Yes, Bill.
Well, you know, this is where I belong...
Coming back here to stay someday.
You'll be happy here. I think anybody would.
I'm pretty happy right now.
You must be.
It's wonderful to know your book's going to be published.
It's all on account of you, you know.
Account of me?
Yeah.
That's because I was writing about something I really felt.
Before, I was just trying to be smart,
writing about things I didn't know,
things I didn't understand.
That's the reason for all those rejection slips.
There won't be any more. You're a success now.
Well, from now on,
I'm only going to write about the things I understand-
The kids that I grew up with
and my grandmother and Martha and Charlie Gebhardt.
Do you like them? Do you...
They make me feel as if I'd always known them.
But you...
I feel as if I knew you for the first time.
Well, there it is, Johnny.
It was just what I said.
It's all right for strangers to get married but
people really should know each other before they get...
before they decide to break it up.
Do you still want to, Johnny, when we go back?
I'm not sure I know now.
It's late, Bill.
You want to go in?
Johnny? Johnny?
- It's me, Johnny. - Yes, Bill.
I forgot to pack a toothbrush. Here's a new one.
I thought if you weren't asleep yet, you'd better have it.
Oh, thank you.
Well, that's the only reason I came over from my room
and knocked on your door, so you'd have the toothbrush and...
- Anything else I could do for you? - No, thank you.
No? Well, I just thought I'd ask you.
Good night, Bill.
Good night.
Oh, Bill?
Yes, Johnny?
You forgot to give me the toothbrush.
Oh, couldn't you get your window open?
It's sort of stuffy in here, isn't it?
Yeah, it's sort of stuffy in here.
You know, lots of times they stick in these old houses.
Yes, lots of times they stick in these old houses.
It certainly is a beautiful view from over here at the window.
Yes, I know.
Did you see it?
Yes. I was looking at it before you came in.
Well, I just wanted to make sure you noticed it.
Lots of fireflies tonight, huh?
It certainly makes it nice in the country, the fireflies.
We certainly do have a lot of fireflies around here.
Yes, fireflies are very nice.
I'm glad you like them.
Well...
- Nothing else I can do for you? - No.
- Do you know very much about fireflies? - No, I'm afraid I don't.
As a matter of fact, it's pretty interesting.
All those little lights, they really mean something.
They use them to signal each other.
And the way they signal each other,
I didn't say anything.
No, you didn't.
Oh, they, well...
the man firefly, he always knows pretty much where he stands.
Maybe I can explain it to you a little better.
When the girl firefly wants to let the man firefly know that
she likes him a little bit,
she flashes that little light in exact two-second intervals,
Oh, that's on the level. It's been timed.
- Don't you think that's pretty smart? - Yes, I do, I do.
Good night.
I always thought that was sort of smart...
for a firefly.
Oh, and one other thing I wanted to tell you.
If you get scared during the night, just holler through that.
You see, I'm right on the other side in the next room.
Let's see. Is there anything else?
Oh, yes. If you wake up and it's dark, why, here's a flashlight.
I'll put it right by the bed there.
That's in case you get scared.
Yes, but I don't think I will get scared.
That's just in case you do.
- Everything else is all right? - Yes, everything else is all right.
Good night.
Bill?
Yes, Johnny?
Can you hear me?
Yes. Yes, I can hear you.
I just wanted to tell you you were very nice today.
What did I do?
When you told your grandmother I was Miss Jones.
That was what you wanted me to do, wasn't it?
Yes, it was.
Good night, Bill.
Good night.
Oh, Johnny?
Yes, Bill?
Johnny, I don't suppose you'd like me to explain to you
just why I said you were Miss Jones, would you?
I know why, Bill.
Johnny?
Yes, Bill?
Do you like poetry?
Oh, yes.
I've had a poem running through my mind for a long time now.
It's one Christopher Marlowe wrote.
It's... well, listen.
"Come live with me and be my love,
"And we will all the pleasures prove,
"That hills and valleys, dales and field,
"Woods or craggy mountains yield.
"And I will make thee beds of roses
"And a thousand fragrant posies.
"And"... something something something something,
"And if these pleasures do thee move,
Come live with me and be my love"
He said that 300 years ago, Johnny.
Oh, how do you like that?
What is it, Bill?
It's all right, Johnny. It's a knock at the door.
I don't mean your door. I meant the door downstairs. Somebody's knocking.
All right, shut up. I'm coming.
Disturbing people in the middle of the night.
I'll bet this never happened to a firefly.
Well, Mr. Kendrick. What brings you here?
I think you know what brings me here, you...
I didn't think you were this excited about it.
I haven't had much chance to do any writing, but here, come in.
What?
I haven't done any writing,
But you may be glad to know
that I've taken the most important step
toward working out that happy ending.
Oh, you have, have you?
Yes, sir, and I think it's going to be fine.
- Oh, you do? - Yes, sir.
Where is she?
Who?
Johnny!
Johnny, am I...
Is it...
What does he want, Willie?
I want my fiancee, Johnny!
Now, wait a minute. What's going on here?
What- Are you the other...
Oh, you, uh...
Well, how'd you know she was here?
She phoned me, and I tracked you down, you thief.
Oh, so that's what you were doing in Pocahontas, huh?
Johnny, don't stand there in your nightshirt. Get back upstairs.
You disreputable old drunkard, this is no roadhouse.
- Kick him out, Willie. - What do you mean, Madam?
Don't you "madam" me.
Don't stand here like a dummy. Punch him in the nose.
All right. Go back to bed!
- What? - I said go back to bed!
- Bill, Mr. Kendrick- - Didn't you hear what Willie said?
Go on! I'll take care of this.
All right, Mr. Kendrick, what is it that you wanted with my wife?
What are you doing with the girl I'll marry?
- Not anymore, you're not. - Listen, you cheap kidnapper.
I can have this marriage annulled like that.
I devoted my best years to that girl. She can have anything she wants.
I want to ask you one question.
You tell me the truth, or so help me, I'll kill you.
- Take your hands off me. Help! - Listen to me!
Did Johnny make you buy my story? Did she? Did she?
Your story? No, not exactly.
No, but it was your money, wasn't it?
It's probably your money all along I've been living on.
No. My wife liked your story before she knew anything about you.
I usually buy what she likes.
Why, Diana knew this would happen. She arranged it.
That's why she gave you that $500.
What a woman!
Ok. You'll get your money back, every penny of it.
Now, you get out of here before somebody gets hurt.
But I love Bill, Grandma. I love him.
Please let me tell him.
Better tell that other one first.
Oh, Bill, I-
Yeah, and if she wants to go back with you, you can have her too.
Oh, Bill, don't!
Johnny, here I am.
Tell him what you have to tell him. Tell him quick.
Hiya, sucker.