Well, you know what they say.
Once you pass 40, you got to choose
between your ass and your face.
Wait, I'm sorry. So you're saying my ass…
After 40, you have to choose
between your ass and your face.
If you get too skinny, your face gets craggy…
'Cause it's just, like… it's all I do.
My kids are like, "Where's Mom?"
I'm going ass.
I'll just let the face fall apart.
It's like the fountain of youth kind of thing.
Six-pack abs, which I…
I feel like I've passed the window
where I could get fake tits.
I wouldn't let anybody shoot anything into my face.
I just want to be old and ugly.
♪ Wake up, you sleepyhead ♪
♪ Put on some clothes ♪
♪ Shake up your bed ♪
♪ Put another log ♪ ♪ on the fire for me ♪
♪ I made some breakfast ♪ ♪ and coffee ♪
♪ Look out my window ♪
♪ What do I see? ♪
♪ Crack in the sky ♪
♪ And a hand reaching ♪ ♪ down to me ♪
♪ All the nightmares ♪ ♪ came today ♪
♪ And it looks as though ♪ ♪ they're here to stay ♪
♪ What are we coming to? ♪
♪ No room for me ♪
♪ No fun for you ♪
♪ I think about a world ♪ ♪ to come ♪
♪ Where the books were found ♪
♪ By the golden ones ♪
♪ Written in pain ♪
♪ Written in awe ♪
♪ By a puzzled man ♪
♪ Who questioned what ♪ ♪ we were here for ♪
♪ All the strangers ♪ ♪ came today ♪
♪ And it look as though ♪ ♪ they're here to stay ♪
- ♪ Oh, you pretty things ♪ - ♪ You pretty things ♪
♪ Don't you know ♪ ♪ you're driving your… ♪
♪ You're driving ♪ ♪ your mothers insane ♪
- ♪ Oh, you pretty things ♪ - ♪ Oh, you pretty things ♪
♪ Don't you know you're driving ♪ ♪ your mamas and papas insane? ♪
♪ Let me make it plain ♪
♪ Got to make way ♪ ♪ for the Homo Superior ♪
- Are you OK? - I'm sorry!
I didn't mean to hit you.
Mom, I'm sorry.
Ow…
It was you who screwed me over.
No, don't… don't give me that…
It's my last hoodie without paint on it.
Just get in. Jesus Christ!
You're just trying to not get in trouble.
- It was not… - It wasn't my fault.
I was trying to throw to Mayer, but then she got in the way.
- So annoying! - I hate you.
I wish you weren't even my brother.
Shut up, you little shit!
What are you… What did you think was gonna happen?
What do you think is gonna happen if you throw a ball at my head?
And then this is what's gonna happen!
It's OK.
It just goes and goes!
I hate this.
I don't want this. I don't want it.
I don't want this.
Oh, it's awful.
Don't you think you were a little rough on the kids?
I'm going back to work.
I mean it.
It's about the things we dream about when we first have kids.
The article is about all the crazy hormones
and the stuff we dream,
so I'm going to call all of your stories…
- Hey. - Hey, what's up?
All right, let me see.
Oh, no.
- It's awful. - That's bad.
I don't know what to say.
It could not be any worse.
You are an asshole.
- I know. I'm sorry. - My God.
Can you still drive?
Oh, I'll get him.
Relax. I will pick them up.
Good, because my deadline's Tuesday.
- Hi, Sam. - Hi, Abby.
Hi, Mommy.
Mrs. Ableman, can I speak to you for a minute?
The holiday's coming, and…
Do you celebrate that?
Halloween?
Well, last year,
a mother took me to task for inciting paganism,
so I just never know anymore.
I call every holiday "holiday basket time,"
so it's holiday basket time, and we need candy.
It can be wrapped in black or orange,
a jack-o'-lantern on it or a cat.
You might want to leave the witches out of it.
Is that a problem?
No.
All right. So…
"When Jake was born, I used to dream
someone put him in the microwave.
It was hard to be close to him.
I'd have Kate put him away in his crib,
and then I'd dream he was in the microwave.
He was so tiny, I'd feel sorry for him."
Were you drunk when you wrote this?
"And then sometimes, I'd dream he was married to me.
My poor baby.
I didn't know whether to kill him,
fuck him, or eat him."
I don't know if this is really for a parenting magazine.
OK, I was more looking for like,
"I dreamt I forgot to feed him
because my concern for my child is so caught up
in the whole feeding and management thing."
And then maybe a spa tip like,
"Before bed, I used to rub essential oils on my temples,
and then the dreams went away
because there was bergamot in it,
and bergamot is great for relieving stress."
Who else is contributing to this?
Uh, Sarah did this one. It's funny.
And Sam Bennet is doing one.
She's cute… Sam.
Mm-kay.
Sam Bennet is not a lesbian.
Her husband works for Goldman Sachs.
He's an analyst. Her kids are on the lacrosse team.
She's cute. That's all.
It's like…
I need this in by Tuesday.
Fine.
I dreamt I forgot to feed him.
- Hi, Mommy. - Hi.
Hey.
How's your face, babe?
Still hazy.
Oh, boy.
That red is really starting to come out.
- It wasn't my fault. - It's OK.
Where are the napkins? Mayer, would you set the table, please?
OK.
Look, Mommy, can I show you…?
I got to hold a baby chick today.
- A baby chick? - Can I show you my homework?
Jake, let me just… I got to take this call.
Hello?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Yeah, make it 10:00.
Great.
It's so lofty. It's so airy.
The condo's fine,
but they want a ten-day cash close,
and there's no flip fee.
Hey, Jamie. Boss.
A shit hole. Good job.
Come and look at the kitchen.
It's gonna be amazing.
- Hi. - Hey. I'm late.
There's a call in ten minutes, and then I'll head home.
- I'm so sorry. - Is that Mom?
Yes, I'm on the phone.
It was supposed to be a half hour ago.
- Oh, is she coming home? - She's working.
Honey, please do screens or clean your room.
- I have to talk to Mommy. - I'm hungry.
I will feed you soon.
Tell Mommy I'm hungry.
He's very hungry.
- Got it. - I told her.
She knows that you are hungry, OK?
So I'm gonna close on that place.
- Really? - Yeah.
OK, good.
I have to do something.
- It'll be a good project. - Right.
And Justin can do all of it himself.
It's not a difficult space.
I think I can finish in a couple of months.
Oh…
Do you need me to get you some garbage bags?
No, I got it on the list already.
OK.
Um…
You can keep up with things around here,
keep a clean site?
Yeah.
I just don't want to have to clean up two houses.
Um, you're gonna work every day?
I won't.
So…
Can you not smoke?
Thanks.
Huh?
- Hello. - Hi.
Um, I got your number… I'm…
First, let me make sure this is the right number.
Yeah, it's me. Did you see my ad?
Hi.
- Hi. - I'm Jenny. Come in.
How's it going?
Good.
Yeah?
So you party a little bit, or, uh…
Do I party?
Um…
Me and you are gonna party a little bit, OK?
You want me to fuck you with the dildo?
What are my other choices?
Can we take care of business first
and then have some fun?
Yeah.
Hey, relax.
Want some?
I have to pick something up later.
Um…
You sure?
Oops. You got something on your…
Yeah, I'm…
I need to drive.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Shit.
This legislation is based upon
the Cut Energy Bills at Home Act
and has the potential ability to be transformative.
And I hope that with going forward with this tax…
You're, like, a swinger, right?
What?
With your girlfriend?
I really don't think it's called that anymore.
Wasn't good, huh?
No, it was fine, you know?
We went to a couple of parties,
but I'm not with her anymore.
What happened to her?
She's around.
We're friends.
OK.
Here, put more on.
I did something.
Smooth, all right?
OK?
Smooth.
If you're gonna do it, don't fuck it up.
I think it would be selfish for me to tell Kate.
Was it once?
Yeah.
What do you two have set up?
What do you… what do you mean?
Well, what's the deal?
I don't…
Do you have, like, an unspoken kind of thing, you know?
Like, "Go off,"
or, "Go off, but just don't tell me about it," you know?
It's, like, an arrangement, you know?
No.
Was it a guy?
Whew.
Uh, well, are you gonna see her again?
That is not possible.
Why?
She was…
This very dirty person.
She had this odd…
It was like she hadn't bathe… you know, it was…
And she wanted me to do her drugs.
I didn't want to do her drugs, and she was…
She made me turn around, and then she…
pushed my head, sort of, down.
A hooker pushed your head down.
Gross.
Please stop it.
Stop it.
Hey!
Stop. Stop!
- Cut it out. - Stop!
Stop!
It's making a buzzing sound.
Ah!
Thank you.
So, um…
I met someone last night.
Her name is Gretchen.
If you want to…
What is this?
She's supposed to be better.
Oh…
I don't know if I like Fabiano.
Cuts the grass so high it never looks done.
Can I be excused?
Yes.
Me too?
Yep.
Mayer, let's go downstairs.
Yeah, let's go.
So Sarah…
What?
They're splitting up.
- Surprise. - Yeah.
She can call me. I won't charge her.
Really?
So who cheated?
I don't know.
Who gets custody?
I assume her.
Who gets the house?
They're selling it.
Is he paying her alimony?
I don't know any of these things.
What are they gonna do about Penny?
- The dog? - Yeah.
I don't know.
Don't they have another house?
She said she couldn't breathe.
That's code for what?
She couldn't breathe.
So she should go breathe.
It's sex. Grow up.
Go breathe.
Hi, I'm Gretchen.
You're so pretty.
Wow.
Look at you.
You look…
You look amazing.
You're just saying that.
Oh, you're funny.
I'm gonna get you off.
Is that OK?
Yeah, I guess.
How long has it been?
Um…
Oh, my God.
What a waste.
Can I touch you?
Yeah.
Oh.
How long have you been doing this?
A while.
I like working for The Girl.
She's super great.
I'm paying my way through school.
Who's The Girl?
Oh, um, she's dating Justin.
Oh.
And, uh, why does she not have a name?
She does.
Oh.
So do you want to see me again?
Oh, uh…
Uh…
Uh, gosh.
Uh, I do, but it was a bit of a splurge.
Too bad.
You know, you didn't have to make me come.
Did I really? I made… made you…?
You didn't have to.
I like that.
- Hi. - Wow, come in.
- You're here early. Awesome. - Yeah.
Are these the artichokes?
Yeah, we roasted them for five hours.
Oh, looks great.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Here, go on.
I'll get you a check.
I remember waking up in the morning on a Sunday
and having sawdust in my hair and being like…
- Yeah. - You remember that?
"Oh, I was at Robots last night."
Do you remember that? It was all over the floor.
That place was crazy. We were all so freakin' high.
I remember standing… I was standing in a line
for the unisex bathroom behind a drag queen, right?
And we're like, "Oh, hi. How you doing?
You're so sexy. What's going on?"
And he, like, finger-bangs me.
- What? - Oh, wow.
- Yes! - Right?
Wait, OK, so Don Hill's on Thursday night…
- Squeezebox… - I loved that place.
- Do you remember? - The Pussy Den…
- Huh? - Clit Cat, Clit Club…
- What? - What was it called?
It was ridiculous.
As if anybody wants to admit that they actually went
to Limelight every single Saturday night.
- Sure, sure. - Limelight was so…
I remember Kenny K at the door.
- Yes. - Right?
If you didn't have the right shoes on,
he wouldn't let you in.
I learned to give the best blow jobs
in the bathroom at that place.
She did. She did.
No, it's true. She really did.
They're awesome. They're totally awesome.
Shush!
I was surprised that I hadn't taken it yet,
but I finally took the Myers-Briggs.
I took that. Yeah.
I am an ENTP.
Basically, an overachiever.
Well, not surprising.
When you took it, didn't you find yourself sort of trying to influence where…
Well, it is very hard to answer those questions honestly because…
- Hello, Mrs. Ableman. - Hello, Mrs. Ableman.
I love you.
You did so good, babe.
Really, I was thinking the food was just OK.
- No, hon, it was good. - OK.
- Mm-hmm. - I'm sorry.
- I'm interrupting your… - It's all right.
OK. Enjoy.
OK. Bye.
Anyway, it was.
It was hard to answer them honestly.
Thank you for this.
I could not lift it up on my own.
It's OK.
Nice. Thank you.
So I was out with The Girl last night.
Ran into Gretchen.
- OK, OK. - She's really hot.
Yes.
She was unexpected.
She said she thought you were a really hot dyke housewife.
With $800.
I'm not saying this, but she said this.
She said she thought you could go out on a few jobs.
She said she's got people from time to time,
younger women who are, like, you know, rich-rich,
and they're looking for a more mature situation.
Right, like a married-with-kids
mature situation?
- Yes. - OK.
These are young women with their fathers' credit cards
who like buying stuff.
And you want them to buy me?
So?
You buy them, they buy you.
What's the difference?
You'd be my what?
Mm…
Let's not, you know?
I'm your guy who sets things up.
Mm-hmm.
What would you get?
Get a couple hundred.
Why?
I set it up, and you go to their place.
You want me to go to people's houses?
Or not.
I think my hooker name should be Eleanor.
My dick just shrank.
That your nana's name or something?
I'd like to meet the clients first.
What?
You're gonna meet them here.
I'm not gonna bring a stranger here.
Two-by-sixes for the backsplash but in that color.
Here you go.
The Girl's checked them out already.
Yes, I understand that, and I would expect The Girl
would have some controls in place.
I would just like to, you know, meet them first.
Where would you like to meet them first,
Nordstrom's?
Coffee would be fine.
Oh, you'd like to have coffee first.
Or tea.
I thought I was very specific about saying
I wanted my tweezers to stay in the tweezer hole.
Apparently no one was listening to me.
- Abby. - No way. Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
All right. Then come back.
Or you want me to give you a push?
The first one is a child.
What?
She looks like a mean child.
She is sitting down, highlighting things.
She's doing her homework.
You know what, then? Just forget it.
Take me through this, because this one with a binder is terrifying.
Just forget it because it doesn't matter.
There's another one tomorrow.
Hi.
Want to tell me what you're doing in school?
Next we're gonna study on the Dominican Republic.
It's a very interesting country.
They grow crops.
Do you know Dominicans eat lunch for two hours?
So I come back for two more of these?
Yep.
Enjoy your trip, Mrs. Ableman.
I don't really know why I'm here.
Is this usually how it goes?
Yes. Yes.
It's not a date, right?
Uh, it's kind of a date.
But I pay, right?
Why don't you tell me about you?
Well, I'm in this basic women's studies class at NYU.
We have to do this exercise at the beginning of every class.
We have to draw ourselves,
our, um…
Oh, uh-huh.
And then we have to talk about it.
Ah, you brought a little folder too.
I don't… I don't have to take it out.
Maybe you could just explain it.
OK.
Well…
I drew my vagina here,
and then I drew a hole here
with stars around it,
and then I drew a target for the target,
and then above the stars, I drew, like, a bubble.
It's like a force field,
because I'm 23, and I've never been with anyone.
I've never slept with anyone,
and I've never even been kissed.
Sometimes, I…
I worry…
That I think about that.
Is this your apartment?
This is my place.
You live here?
How are you feeling?
You look very nice.
Thanks.
Why don't you sit down?
Wherever you're comfortable.
I'm not going to ask you to do things.
I'm just gonna do them because I want to.
If you're not comfortable, I want you to stop,
and I'm not gonna be offended.
You won't put me off.
OK?
OK.
You smell like oranges.
Thank you.
I'm starting to take it all internally.
I'm not putting it on my face. I'm not injecting it.
You put it on your face, and…?
- Hey, you're late. - You don't eat it.
Hey, you're gonna have to sit behind us.
Yeah, you can look at my ass.
So, no, I told him, "I put it in a ball on the bed.
You got to take it downstairs, you know?
I'm not doing it.
This is what I pay you for."
Trying to take more control.
They didn't do it.
- They didn't do it? - No.
- Really? - I don't know.
I don't get this.
What is this?
This is coffee.
Eat.
- Hey, Mom. - Hey.
So what's today, babe?
- Me? - Yeah.
Kitchen punch list.
He's gonna start with the shelves.
He's gonna finish the lighting.
We'll have the electrical inspection this week,
and then, you know,
some professional development stuff for me
like selling tips.
Oh, good. You gonna get back in time?
Have I ever been late for pickup in six years?
Hmm?
Mwah!
Ever?
- I do it out of my dorm room. - Told you.
I had to have you do this a few times before we met.
I hope you understand.
I'm pre-law.
Uh-huh.
She's looking at me weird.
Know what, honey? Just tell the story.
It's a good one.
You know, I just kept getting hit on all the time.
I was a cocktail waitress at the Gansevoort.
I was 18, so I just made a little book and charged them,
and after that, there were just
so many different people who came out of the woodwork.
The woodwork.
That's a neat way of putting it.
You don't have any of my information, right?
No.
Justin comes by, and I give him the leads.
It's all referral.
Referral. Right.
Please.
I can't get caught.
I'm on the fast-track law thing.
I mean, can you imagine?
No.
So I'd tell you the tricks to get your money up,
but Justin says it's not really for the cash.
Are you just horny or something?
Um…
Don't share this.
Right.
Uh, anything else?
Moisturize, maybe?
I don't know.
That's what my mom always tells me.
- So, uh… - Yeah?
I'm open to all sorts of different…
Men?
Oh, men? No.
God, no. No.
They're maybe a little young.
Let me check my book. I get it.
You should work more than Wednesday mornings.
I'm gonna need something to drink.
Of course.
I like to go slow.
All right.
You seem cultured.
Do we know anyone together?
I hope not.
Why not?
You're playing with me.
Oh.
You want to get right to it.
You like to talk?
I'm old-fashioned.
- Let's talk. - I'll talk.
What are your interests?
You play tennis?
Go to Bergdorf for lunch?
Did you go to the Biennial this year?
I think I'll go.
I'll write you a check.
I don't take checks.
Right.
We said $800?
I'll give you $400 for your time.
Hmm…
When I thought about you last night,
I thought, "She's gonna be so nervous,"
and you are; you're so nervous.
It's so great. I love it.
Oh, my God.
And then I thought,
"When is she gonna stop me?
At the door?
When I make her a drink?
Will she stop me when I kiss her, maybe?
Maybe later?"
So I said to him, "Actually, no.
I didn't find everything I was looking for today."
What were you looking for?
That probiotic that they never carry.
Not the acidophilus.
Oh, the live yogurt?
No, that girlie one.
It's got the name with the "C" or whatever.
Like, of course, he doesn't even know
what I'm talking about.
You know, I said to him,
"With everything that's going around right now,
I really think that you should have
a bottle of hand sanitizer at all times on the counter
for the patrons to use."
- Yeah, it's a pharmacy. - Right?
That's, like, a no-brainer, right?
And, of course, like, blank stare.
No idea what the heck I'm talking about.
And I said to him, you know,
"I'd be really happy to buy a bottle
so that you can just put it out there right now
for everybody to use, because strep is going around."
- Just do it. - Again.
- Oh, God. - It's going around again.
- Yeah. - Mm.
It's called Fresherell.
Well, guess what? He doesn't know that.
Including how washing your hands
keeps people from, like, having a public health scare.
Cayenne pepper and lemon juice?
My mom gave me that.
Your mom?
It's just a cleanse.
It's supposed to start you off.
Diet for a New America.
Oh, this.
The Bible.
Essential Gandhi.
This is an excellent book for weight loss.
And then I want you
to take some cayenne pepper and some lemon juice,
and I want you to sprinkle it all over your mother's books,
and I want you to get rid of them,
because that shit will kill you.
Seem happy.
You want soup?
I made some soup.
Yum.
Let's go.
What you got?
You haven't got this.
Oh, beautiful.
Oh!
Nice!
We've got this.
So uncoordinated.
How's your head?
It's fine.
Um, let's see.
You're getting headaches now?
A little.
Beautiful.
It is what it is.
How's the new job?
It's… it is what it is.
Well, all the tests are negative.
Good.
You are being safe?
- Yes, yes. - OK.
I'm very careful.
OK. Thank you.
Fuck.
Hey.
Why is a woman from my town sitting waiting for me?
She's number six.
No, she is not woman number six.
She is Sam Bennet.
Her husband works for Goldman Sachs.
Her kids are on the lacrosse team.
Jesus.
Well, I didn't know that she was from your town.
Whatever. Just go.
Sam.
Pru gave me the name of your contractor.
Are you looking to have something done?
My kitchen.
Ah…
So GLASSOS or zebrawood counters?
GLASSOS.
Or zebrawood, but in a place you don't cook.
It's a hard surface to clean.
- So I reached out to… - Justin.
Justin, and he wrote back
this time and this place to meet,
and I said, "Well, you know, shouldn't we do it at my place?"
"Eleanor only works at her place.
But she's got to meet you first."
Who's Eleanor?
And why did he say you don't "discipline"?
We sometimes have to manage expectations.
Well…
When I woke up this morning,
I thought "Pilates…
or a soy tea latte in the city with…
Eleanor?"
We've never really said anything to each other.
But you think I'm cute?
Well, that's not real.
That's not, you know, really…
It's easy to trick yourself, isn't it?
Every day.
All the time.
It goes by so…
…fast.
It does.
I hardly recognize myself sometimes.
Sam.
I'm on the PTA.
I'm on the board at my synagogue.
I'm the nominating chair for the Junior League.
I volunteer every Tuesday at a food bank.
I'm the class parent.
Again.
Hi, Sam.
Hi, Abby.
Want a drink?
No.
OK.
Ah.
Well?
Want to talk?
Wasn't that what the tea was for?
Right.
Two-by-sixes?
Yeah, I'm not sure about them.
You didn't want to use the lighter grout?
Pull my hair.
What?
Pull my hair.
Harder.
Kiss me.
Harder.
Wow.
Spin is kicking your ass.
You go every day?
Then yoga.
Oh, gosh.
What the fuck are you doing?
I don't like it.
When did you know?
Are you coming out to me, Walter?
It's OK, Walter.
I'm a safe person.
Won't tell your wife.
I'm curious.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Well, I was 16,
and I was in boarding school.
It's a long story.
Come on.
Tell me.
Well, our dorm rooms were connected
by these bathrooms,
and my bathroom neighbor…
…this tall other 16-year-old…
She was wearing this little Sonic Youth T-shirt.
Big boobs, you know?
She came up into my room,
and she slid into my bed.
And, uh…
I didn't know what to do.
I was shocked, you know?
But then she started touching me,
and it just felt so…
Sorry.
Walter, you are so funny.
It was turning me on.
We've been playing this game… the moms.
It's called "You Should."
Yeah?
Like, Sarah,
like, I said, "You should wear tighter jeans."
You said that?
Mm-hmm.
Uh, OK, and then Lisa said to Abby,
"You should totally wear more lipstick."
And Abby said to Lisa, "You should read better books."
Uh-huh.
What's my "I Should"?
You should…
I don't know.
How's Abby?
She's good, I think.
Do you think she's good?
She looks good.
She's fixing this place up in the city.
Yeah, I know.
I'm sure it'll be gorgeous,
just like the six other places.
Has she told you anything?
Yeah.
She tells me everything,
and we talk every day…
the kids, the soccer, the hopes, the dreams,
the house, whatever.
She wants a wrap-around porch.
A porch?
You should fuck her once in a while.
Tell me the truth.
Mm?
You really like me?
Yes.
I had such a weird marriage.
I kept myself so fit,
great-looking like you.
He was such an asker.
So polite.
He would ask me what I wanted about everything…
lunch, what movie I wanted to see.
He would even ask me if I wanted to have sex with him.
Well, that's lovely.
Well, you'd think.
I don't know.
Got tired of the deference, you know?
Stop asking. Just do it.
Never reached out for me,
you know?
Never told me what I wanted.
He was always…
I always had to tell him everything.
And at night, I'd snuggle up to him,
and he'd always turn away
as if he'd already put in his time with me.
I miss him.
He was good.
Do you really want to be doing this?
Think you have the wrong impression of me.
I think I know.
You do?
Do you have a husband waiting?
No.
Children?
No.
I saw your scar. They must be young still.
You've escaped, haven't you?
Wasn't it always…
it was always a buck a tooth, right?
Well, it depends.
I mean, it depends on…
I think if it's a molar, it should be $5.
I know that's a lot.
But I think $5 for a molar.
We gave Mayer $2, right?
We gave her $2.
What are you talking about?
He thinks we paid her more than him.
Hmm?
When?
Seriously?
Yeah.
It was a buck, right?
Yeah.
Did you give him more?
I gave Mayer a buck.
See, that's what it is.
Oh?
I did, too.
Now, you know what he said?
He said he thinks we need to go back and pay him
for every single tooth that he lost.
Oh, no.
Because we paid her double.
No.
Oh, you smell good.
It's cucumbers.
Abby.
Ow, hon.
Um, hey!
Whoa.
Whoa, ho, ho, ho!
Whoa, slow down!
Honey.
Stop.
Please.
Monday, number one at noon, OK?
And then, Wednesday we can do
number two.
Number five wants to come back.
Yeah, no.
No more number five.
What?
Just tell The Girl to send her to someone else.
You know, you're getting to be more trouble than you're worth.
I have to protect myself.
What did five make you do?
What are you doing here, huh?
Oh!
Get the fuck off me.
Fucking liar.
Fucking fake.
Fuck you.
You know, if you're getting uncomfortable, you can stop.
Who said I'm getting uncomfortable?
I just thought you were gonna, you know,
do this a few times for fun and then…
Justin, what's happening Thursday?
Did you get stood up?
I guess so.
I have five minutes because I'm in lockdown mode.
Finals are in a week.
College is retarded.
How am I doing?
Good.
What do you mean?
Am I doing something wrong?
Give me a report card.
I want to be good.
You're an A.
Why have the referrals stopped coming?
I was told you aren't taking new clients.
I told you I wanted you to work more.
You know what?
I am going to give you my number.
You can call me directly now.
This is just for you, yes?
Yes.
You don't have a problem with this?
Cutting out Justin?
Yeah.
Not really.
He's not that cute anyway, and I think he fucked my friend,
which is kind of gross, right?
I'm learning that it depends.
Did you just…?
So I was at lunch today with a client.
They are divorcing, of course,
and he needs a place in the city,
so I thought, "The loft."
Can he see it?
Sure.
What is that?
What? This? You can see this?
Yeah. What happened?
It was an accident.
I was hazy for a few days.
It was bloody,
which was surprising because the cut was so tiny.
You're lucky. You can't see it under your hair.
Hi, Mrs. Ableman, this is the school calling.
Your children are here in the office,
and they haven't been picked up.
Please give us a call…
So, um, I think this is going to be my last time.
But, um, I read those books you told me to read.
And?
They were good.
But I didn't lose any weight.
But that Second Sex book, it was crazy.
It was crazy.
But I liked the Gandhi one.
I liked it when he said, "Action expresses priorities."
Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a second.
It made me think.
Um, I might want to try something new…
What's happening?
Like, maybe a guy.
Mom, can I rehearse it one more time?
No, really, I'm so tired.
- I need to rehearse. - OK.
The Dominican Republic is one part of an island.
Haiti takes up the other part.
The whole island is called Hispaniola.
Christopher Columbus gave it that name in 1492.
It's good.
Mrs. Bulkan said I'm really good.
It's very good.
Sorry again. I was late.
Yeah.
I don't know if I like that Christopher Columbus line.
Do you have a problem with it?
No.
You don't like the Christopher Columbus line?
Would you do me a favor, hon?
Just like it.
Just go to the play and sit there and like it.
Mrs. Bulkan's been teaching for 30 years.
Forty years.
Yeah.
I mean, is this really the flag you want to wave?
You just need to like something.
I'm tired.
Can I help you?
Yeah, could I have a number four with cheese,
a big one?
Number four with cheese?
Yes, please. Thank you.
Evan, this is Justin.
- How are you, sir? - How are you?
Good. Thank you.
Abby.
- It's small. - It's OK.
Go back to the house on the weekends for the kids.
Oh.
Do you have a tear sheet?
No, I'm not even done.
It looks done.
There's a brand-new built-in steam shower,
new electrical system,
brand-new moldings in the kitchen.
I've seen so many places. I just want to stop, you know?
It's very quiet. You're all alone on the floor.
Look at this art. Wow.
Abby's a collector.
Thank you.
You want more money?
No.
But I think you should sell this place.
- You do? - Yeah.
You don't have to do this anymore, you know?
Am I not doing it right?
Well, it's just not you.
I am 42.
So?
Something has to be me by now.
I think you should tell Kate.
She was just here.
So…
If she wanted to know,
it's all right here.
She doesn't.
Do you understand?
How many aisles to go?
No, convince me again.
Bring it back. You have to convince me.
Just pick it up, just for me.
Oh!
Does that make you…?
Let's get out of here.
I want to get out of here. Go, go.
- All right. - Let's get out of here.
Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here.
Let's go.
- Hi, Sam. - I know…
Abby, hi.
I've been trying to call you.
- Hi. - Hi.
Uh, Graham Bennet.
Oh, right. You're at GS, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, my wife represents all those guys.
Oh, securities?
Divorce.
Uh, how do you… you know each other how?
We're moms.
Haven't seen you at pickup.
Yeah, I have to pick Shea up at preschool,
so the sitter gets Joey.
All right, OK, so…
- See you… see you guys. - Bye.
- Bye.
Service on 12, please.
The Dominican Republic is one part of an island.
Haiti takes up the other part.
The whole island is called Hispaniola.
Christopher Columbus gave it that name in 1492.
The capital of the Dominican Republic is Santo Domingo.
It is the oldest city in the Americas.
The president lives in the national palace.
Families usually gather for lunch.
It's the biggest meal of the day.
I don't know.
Maybe I do. A nice one.
A nice one?
Come here, you.
Oh.
Hey, Kate.
Kate.
Kate?
Hey, where did you go?
Oh, I had that call.
Right. Of course.
So I'm gonna be going into the city.
I, uh, have a couple just little finishing things
to do on the loft.
I should be done in time to get the kids.
Hello?
What do you want? Huh?
Please put something on.
I'll do what you want me to do.
Hey, Ab, thank you so much for helping me with this, OK?
'Cause I'm not getting a second chance,
you know what I mean?
I know you know how to go for what you want.
And I really appreciate it, so… all right.
So it's between parchment and khaki.
The room is gray, and there's a gray carpet in there now,
and it's a sunroom, and it's gray.
And the grayish one is the parchment.
What color are the baseboards?
I don't know.
All right, but…
God, here's the reason why I want to go with the khaki.
Mm-hmm.
Because parchment, it's not really gray.
It's more of a stony white,
and khaki's khaki.
And even though my want is gray,
I'm gonna be upset if there's stains all over the parchment
because it's too light.
Is that all I'm supposed to do,
is just clean all day long?
To keep things light and airy and beachy
and neutral?
I can't do it because no one will leave it alone.
I can't choose what I want.
It's the illusion of choice.
Oh, but I know how you feel about gray.
You love it.
But you know, I'm thinking about,
"Do I love it enough to have to live
with having to clean it over and over and over?"
I think beige is good.
It's not beige. Is it beige?
Yeah or khaki.
It's beige?
No, I meant khaki. I meant khaki.
I'm sorry.
I would never, ever use beige in any…
I've learned a lot from you,
and, I mean, if I learned anything from you,
it's to not…
All right.
Then I'll go back to the…
Kate?
Haven't seen you in class lately.
I'm not stalking you, I swear.
I'm just walking my stupid, spastic dog.
I've been running a lot.
I paid you enough?
Yes.
I thought we were great together.
You were great.
You seemed very excited.
Mm…
I thought you'd never done that before.
Um, I never said that.
You were…
better than me.
Was it a contest?
You're bored.
We both are.
And we're gonna have a little secret
when we see each other,
and that's how it should be.
I'm OK with that.
I like Graham Bennet.
I like him, too.
But he's passionate about you.
He is.
So why…?
- OK. - OK.
I was breathing.
You must be out of breath.
So I only belong to you,
and you don't want me.
I don't want anybody, Abby.
I know.
I'm sorry.
- Done. - Congratulations.
Yes.
Thank you.
You OK?
Yeah.
Enjoy your new home.
It's a good space.
Yeah.
It is.
Huh?
What happened?
I was sitting in my house.
Then I was sitting in your house.
So crazy, the way things happen.
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Did you leave, or did she?
It's hard to say.
Put your head up.
OK.
And they said it's not ready?
Kids are sleeping.
Cool.
I think I want to do a porch out here.
Totally.
That's white, wrap-around…
With a beadboard ceiling.
And a Tuscan, squared, kind of tapered column.
Gross. Who does this?
So what's this weekend?
Oh, I have so much to do.
Gonna paint the front door.
It's getting disgusting.
The car needs a service.
I'm getting a sprinkler system this year.
The soaker hoses weren't the answer.
We tried taking shortcuts.
It just ends up costing more.
We're gonna take some of the money
from the sale of the apartment,
then go to Argentina for the break.
Kate said she wants to do more traveling.
She's on this new kick
about how she wants to see the world.
She says she doesn't want to be two old ladies
on a stupid road trip to South Carolina in 20 years.
She wants adventure.
Shit hole. Good job.
That's what she wants?
What do you want?
I want to take a hot yoga class after this.
♪ Remember me ♪
♪ Some of them are old ♪
♪ Some of them are new ♪
♪ Some of them will turn up ♪
♪ When you least expect ♪ ♪ them to ♪
♪ And when they do ♪
♪ Remember me, ♪ ♪ remember me ♪
♪ Lucy, you're my girl ♪
♪ Lucy, you're a star ♪
♪ Lucy, please be still ♪
♪ And hide your madness ♪ ♪ in a jar ♪
♪ But do beware ♪
♪ It will follow you ♪
♪ Some of them are old ♪
♪ But it would help ♪ ♪ if you could smile ♪
♪ To earn a crooked sixpence ♪
♪ You'll walk ♪ ♪ many crooked miles ♪
♪ But as you do ♪
♪ Remember me, ♪ ♪ remember me ♪
♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo, doo-doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo, ♪ ♪ doo-doo, doo-doo ♪
♪ Doo, doo-doo, ♪ ♪ doo-doo-doo, doo ♪
♪ Remember me, ♪ ♪ remember me ♪